blossom, your awesome podcast, episode number 50 today on the show, best selling author, Tommy Breedlove is here with us. He is the author of the book, legendary and Tommy guides people to discover a life of significance while building a lasting legacy. He shows people how to work in their zone of brilliance, obtain financial freedom and live with meaning and balance. I am so honored and thrilled to have Tommy here with us, sharing his wisdom and insights. Tommy, thank you so much for being here. Welcome to the show blossom. You're awesome community. Let's let's do some awesome blossoms. I'm excited. Let's let's let's rock and roll. Oh, I love it. Okay, so we are going to start with a little bit of your background and how you got into this line of work.
Yeah, it's kind of crazy. I, I'm one of those few people who, if you'd have told me 10 years ago that I would have written a best selling book and run legendary life retreats experiences and masterminds, I would have liked probably left you out of the room and would have asked what does any of that actually mean? And so I was one of those people who thought that and I'm none of this has gone away. So I'm very ambitious and very driven and I do believe money is important because I came from humble beginnings, I thought that if I just worked harder from everybody else that when I got to hear or when I had more of this or when I quote, experienced success, that I would be happy fulfilled and then my life would be complete unfortunately. So I grew up in the financial, consulting, public accounting and mergers and acquisitions world. So what does that actually mean? So I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. I was the first person to, to really have a professional job. And I came from very humble beginnings. So I thought, you know that the pursuit of more and when was going to make me happy and fulfilled?
The problem is it's like swimming to the horizon the harder you work, it doesn't matter if you make 15,050 100 150 million, whatever it is that target keeps moving. And so there I was at 37 years old and looked up and you know, I had all the things I had the corner office, the fancy suit, I was a junior partner in a large firm, you know, made a lot of money and I was like, why am I still insecure, why am I still feel alone? Why do I not feel happy fulfilled with my life? And honestly, I also come from very tough beginnings and I was still carrying a lot of that anger and rage from my childhood because I grew up in around a lot of violence and abuse and I was just like, why am I not happy? And so when the money, the power of the state status and the fame didn't light me up, I turned to all of the darkness that you read about and see on movies like Wolf of Wall street and all that other stuff. And at 37 years old, it almost cost me my marriage, it almost cost me my career and almost cost me my life and at that moment and that was number two evolution I get in my life.
So number one happened when I was 18 and I almost lost everything there and here I am at 36, seemingly with the whole world at my fingertips and I had almost lost everything again. And I literally found myself in downtown Atlanta looking at a blue sky thinking my God, how did I get here? Like what caused this? Like I was probably doing some big multimillion dollar m and a deal or financial audit the week before and here I am lying in a ditch half dressed in a suit. And so at that moment at that moment I said enough is enough and I'm going to figure out who I am, where I'm going and who's coming with me. And at that moment I decided to make me my full time job because I no longer wanted to be insecure. I no longer wanted to be arrogant and all arrogance is, is insecurity on steroids. I didn't want to be the funny guy, the tough guy, the life of the party guy, the guy that was just looking for any kind of affirmation or hey that a boy that he could and just figure out who Tommy was. And I literally with coaching with mentors, with retreats with therapists. I literally made my self confidence, self respect, self love and mindset my full time job and I did that for about three years.
I was still at the firm and here's what happened when I started leading myself and becoming self aware and really working on my courage, really working on my calm confidence self esteem in my mindset. It is in those three years, here's the, I never planned on leaving that world in three years. Here's the tangible results. I went from junior partner to senior partner to owner of the company and elected to the board of directors at 39 and everybody else was in their 60s, my money doubled. I got rid of all of the negative network and my network 10 X and all the right ways. I went from being one of the most hated people in the firm to one of the most beloved but here's the better part my marriage went from life support two solid and loving and fun. My, I went from insecure and uncertain and feeling alone and scared too confident, too peaceful to quiet to present, but also carrying that quiet, quiet courage and confidence. I felt fulfilled. I felt peaceful and I went from working about 90 hours a week down to about 35 and that's where this life in this business.
Because you asked for background, this is where it all began is my network of entrepreneurs, of executives, of bankers, of lawyers, accountants, adversity, you name it venture capitalists, they all started reaching out to me and they're like, hey brother, you didn't give up your ambition or drive, but you sure are a lot more happier, a lot more peaceful. Who are you? Like, how did you do it? What drugs are you taking or what magic pill or workout system? And I was like, no man, it's just me working on me every day and they were like, well coach me and I started literally over coffee or a beer or wine or a walk or a run. It's like, hey man, this is how I did it and here's how I do it every day and they're like teach me that and teach me this and I'm like theirs. And then they were like, hey man, write a book and that's where legendary came to be born and I'm super grateful. It became a Wall Street Journal and USa Today bestseller and I think because it's simple, it's actionable and it's needed and that's out of that book. The legendary life movement came and what does that mean? We are in for ambitious and driven entrepreneurs and executives, we run masterminds experiences and retreats for people to connect in an independent way for people to have real authentic conversations about, not only being successful in business and money, but also being successful in our relationships, our life, our self confidence and the things that are important, like a holistic way of living living, and so the book was born out of those people, asking me for help, the legendary life movement retreats experiences and our mastermind was born out of that in our community and I'm just super thankful to be working and living in my purpose, working and living in my passion and honestly, because I work on this stuff every single day of my life, like I don't just walk the walk and talk the talk, I walk the walk, I work with coaches, I'm in a mastermind and I run an experience based business, I think people really like the fact that we are walking shoulder to shoulder with them and we're no sage on the stage or guru, so thank you for letting me share that by the way, I love that, I have like a million questions now, so that's just awesome Tommy, I really, I, I think it's so cool and you just laid that out so beautifully, so, so many kind of follow up questions to this, So was there, you know, you said, so you're 36 years old, so was that just this moment where you have this epiphany and then from there it's like just this committed dedication, like it was just literally like a switch goes off, is that what it was like for you?
It was literally me drawing a line in the sand and I honestly thought I didn't get a third chance. I'm like if you continue the way you're going as hard as you're going, as much as you work, as hard as you party, as hard as you do everything and like I did everything at the extremes from work to network to play you name it, I was like, it's going to cost you everything because you're never gonna be happy, you're chasing a ghost. And I didn't know what the ghost was and I didn't know why I felt the way I didn't know why I was wearing all those armor and mask and why I was just, I felt so alone and afraid and insecure, but it came out and arrogance and loudness and I'm like, this is gonna cost you everything, you cannot continue down this path. I mean everything. And just a side note. Um just so you know when I was 18 years old and this scared me as well because I was going down that path again because of my childhood and I grew up in and around a boatload of violence and abuse both inside and in the neighborhood and the streets and in the home At 18, I became that violence.
So I became that rage and I committed a violent crime and I was looking at seven years in prison, Luckily it was dropped down to two heavy misdemeanors. But I was sentenced to two years and I spent instead of going to university, I spent my 19th birthday and incarcerated. And so I literally picked myself up from there and I went from a jail cell to a factory work making a Working machines in a factory, to community college, to the University of Georgia. And I literally went from a jail cell to a company called Deloitte in three years when I was 18. Well here I am. The reason I say all that is here I am at 36 and I'm about to go down the same path because I never dealt with that rage as a young man and I realized recently that I've been running from rage and that anger from when I was a boy to piece all my life and in that moment of looking at that blue sky, I was like no more, Let's go find peace. Let's go find courage. Let's go find confidence. So I drew a line in the sand and you know, I went and sought therapists and coaches and mentors and read books and I mean you name it, I drink from a firehose just to be who I am and want to live in my core values and my value systems and my integrity and just be a little bit better than I was the day before.
So that I literally drew a line in the sand. Mm hmm wow now you know, Tommy I think it is so cool of you Because I know a lot of times everyone has a past but we spend so much time kind of wanting to cover that up and being you know putting on these facades and stuff. Right. So I love And I think it is so powerful that you are sharing that. Okay. You were incarcerated at one point And while in that moment I'm sure it was like I felt like a curse. But what a blessing. Right? Yeah. I think what I what I now do and I didn't see it as a blessing at the time. But it certainly scared me straight because of the path I was going on. Um and and it pushed me to go to work in that factory and community college at night and get those people out of my life But I was still unconscious and I and I didn't deal with you know those inner insecurities feeling like a fraud. Thinking that people are judging me and you know like a failure. And that's what how I felt even when I was successful in the big firm you know, I still had those insecurities But it's interesting you say that I don't regret any of those things because now I use them as a platform to stand on.
They are who I was to allow me to be, who I was today. And I used to be scared of them and insecure about them and I thought they were taboo. But now they make me who I am. They drive me to, to live in gratitude, to stand on those things with, hey, those things served you during those times of your life, to help you stay alive and to help you begin to hear, but they no longer serve you. So I'm seeing us mistakes, seeing them as learnings instead of seeing them as failures seeing this this is something that we can stand on with courage and gratitude. And honestly it helps us give people the gift of going second because we're so honest and authentic about our past. We're vulnerable about our insecurities, but we work hard at being more successful in business. We work hard at being more successful in finances, in our mindset and our self confidence in our relationships with our friends and spouses when we do that and we tell people, here's where I was and here where I am now and here's here's the fears and insecurities that I had then and here's what they are now. You know what we're doing is telling people they're not alone because we have all of that noise in our head.
It doesn't matter what your story is, what mistakes you've made, You didn't have to hit rock bottom like me twice. You could just you could just have some stuff in your head, like the story that you're telling your head, that that we need to get out of there, we all have it and we all need to know that we're not alone and we can use that as a place to rewrite and re wire and stand on it and confidence and gratitude as opposed to letting us anchor it down. So I totally believe I'm that way now. Mm wow, that was awesome. That is just so cool. And now, so you know, you talk about this kind of tough childhood and how much Of that with, Okay, you kind of so you know, you're young when you're go through this initial thing at 18, that's still so young. So that kind of hard stuff growing up comes out in this way and then you kind of you know, you pay the price for it by having to you know, you're incarcerated and you pay in that way, But then you come out, you say you were scared straight, you come out and you become totally successful.
So it's kind of like you were able to get on this straight path, but you're still do you say, is it fair to say that you were by kind of being this overachiever, wanting success and wanting to be this top dog at the firm and whatever you're looking for this validation that you maybe didn't receive 100% I was looking for affirmation. I was looking for external validation. Um I was very insecure about my past, my childhood where I grew up how I grew up and you know, I thought if I just worked harder and work smarter and politically navigated and just did all of the things and did it 10 times better than everyone else. But that would, that would validate me. And then I realized, you know, post-36 when I started doing all this internal work, that the only person that can validate you is you, the only opinion that matters about you is you. And if you live in every day, if you live your core values every day and you show up for yourself every day and you show up for others every day and honor your word, you'll be able to sleep at night like a baby.
And it was, it was you know when I became aware that, hey, you know, I, this story I'm telling in my head about me is a lie. I'm actually a pretty good dude who's always rooted for the underdog who just needed some guidance on how to find self love, self confidence, self respect and courage. And when you found it, you can use that for like, goodness and impact as opposed to using it just to just to get you ahead in life because wherever you go there you are, and I'm a big fan of success and money, heck I came from that business, I came from that world. It's a major part of certain chapters in the book, but the problem with money and status status is a no some game. It is just a zero sum game. It's all about who you surround yourself with and your self love, self respect and self courage. And money is a magnifying glass. If you're a very insecure gossiping, judgmental, angry, arrogant person is going to magnify that and put it on steroids, cr politicians, or if you've done the inner game and you work every day on your mindset, you work every day on your self esteem, your courage, your confidence and you surround yourself with positive, loving, abundant people who believe in you and you don't listen to all the news and social media and you input goodness into your ears.
Money will only magnify that goodness for you to go make great impact for yourself and others. And so it was until I realized that what other people thought about me really doesn't matter and you know, when we're judging others or people are judging us, they're really judging themselves. And so all I gotta do is show up every day and be the best version of that. I and I don't get it right every day, I screw up. You know, I still do things and say things that I regret, don't, you know, but I work on it and fix it, I get on, I correct it and I move forward. So to me it's just about we've got to respect ourselves to respect others. We've got to lead ourselves to leave other lead others and we've got to truly love ourselves to love others. I could teach money, finance, business scale all day long, but if you don't like yourself or you're not in a good relationship or you don't have good friends or you don't have confidence and courage or you're, you know, it's constantly somewhere else, not present. It really doesn't matter. And that's the whole point of the legendary life is to let's build a holistic approach this life, let's conquer our time, let's have purpose, let's make money, let's be successful.
But that's also have intimate relationships with our friends or spouse or family. It's also master that mindset. Let's also cultivate that self confidence and courage and live the good life so that we look back without regrets and we did it our way and not with society set, it was our way, I'll get off my soapbox, I can talk about this all day. I love it. That is so awesome now, so let me ask you, you know, with this inner work you're doing is there or when this shift kind of started happening for you when you're like, okay, hey, you know, I'm successful, I'm doing this, I'm at the top and everything's wonderful, but there's this something's missing. So you want to go inward, you're still kind of carrying some of that childhood trauma and all of that. So, was there a kind of one particular thing that stands out in mind for you that really kind of gave you that affirmation that yes, I'm turning the corner and this feels good and I'm on the right path and Was there one thing or was it a multitude of things?
There was a day and I can't tell you the exact day it was and when you wake up and you go through an entire day and the voice inside your head is very quiet, you're super, super present throughout the day, whether it's a client meeting or meeting with a spouse or a meeting with a friend, um you feel good about yourself, you look outside and you see the good in the world all around you and the learning is all around you and the love all around you and you're, you're living in a place of gratitude and abundance those days don't happen every day, but when you have a day like that, you realize that and I call it, like I I say, it's like going to the gym, like working on your heart mind and cold muscles, like going to the gym, it's doing reps every day. The reps sometimes are not fun, but you get mentally strong, emotionally strong and spiritually strong And more often, you know, when I would say pre-36, I would go five steps forward and four back and now this day today the new Tommy Breedlove goes nine forward and one back and it's just how you live your life.
It's who you surround yourself with. It's what you allow your time to be spent on and you just start seeing, you know, the news and social media want you to see the division and darkness and that we're not all the same that sells advertising. There were users of their system, they don't give a damn about reporting anything good. They want us to be scared, feel alone and be worried and hate our neighbor. Well that's not goodness. That's just fear. That's just fear and rage. But if you turn all of that off and you concentrate on your inner game, you surround yourself with the right people and what you input into your eyes and ears, its inputs equals outputs, garbage in equals garbage out abundance and equals abundance out. There's gonna be days that you wake up and at the end of the day you start the day in a moment of presence and gratitude and you end the moment in a place of presence and gratitude and you're just thankful for who you are and all that you have. It's a feeling that you can't undo and it's almost like a drug you want more of mm hmm that is awesome.
Wow okay. And then there was a particular aha moment. If you want me to share it though and it was, it was a mentor. So when I first started my journey, um, A therapist that my wife and I were working on in marriage counseling said and then I couldn't hear him when he said it the first time he goes, there's a place that can do more for you. Tommy in seven days than I can do in 10 years. And it was this place in the mountains of Tennessee and it's where they uh metaphorically cut you open for four days and then put you back together and let you feel and give you a plan to go find yourself. And uh I met a mentor there and he was working me with me after that and the ah ha moment and he was like Tommy, are you ready to stop living your your story that you're telling yourself that's july and start living your life. And I'm like, you know he's right. I've been telling myself a story that others told to me. You know when I was younger or that society told me or a teacher told to me or a bad religion told me and I can I can stop telling myself this story and start living my life today and rewrite the end of that story and burn a brown talks a lot about that.
And the moment he said that to me, it was a light switch that hey I am the captain of my ship. And he also would tell me Tommy, go find the nearest mirror, that's your problem and your solution. What will you choose today? That will be different than yesterday because the only power you have is your choices. And so that was a real ah ha moment for me as well. Mm hmm, wow, I love it Tommy. That is so awesome. Now let me ask you, you know, you're talking you talk about this inner game. So for you, give us some actionable uh tips like what does that look like for you and what is something that you know, listeners and people can kind of start incorporating into their daily lives too. So there's there, I'll tell you the quick fixed, which is the hardest one by the way. But it's the quickest is you got to remove the negative and I'll tell you what that is in a minute. And then I'm gonna tell you how do you build the muscles as you add the positive. So remember we if we haven't been working and we're not taught this, we're not taught financial muscles were not taught business, muscles were not taught emotional muscles and mental muscles instructed Well, actually talked quite a bit.
We're taught other kind of useless nonsense. And so just think most of us including this guy here, our muscles had atrophied all those years. So how do we start getting strong, more self confident, more courageous, more self respectful and more uh and start loving and respecting and leading ourselves better. Number one thing is eliminate the negative. It's also the hardest one to do. So here are some of the negatives do you have negative human beings in your life, the negative nellies, the emotional drains. It could be most likely it's probably a family member. Is it a spouse? Is it a friend? Here's what you gotta do. It's hard but you can do it gracefully and with love as you have to fire that human being from your life. What does that look like? You don't physically fire them. You just start systematically removing that doesn't mean you don't love them. Doesn't mean you don't love them. You still love them but you can't have negative influences in your life. The judges, the gossipers, the blaming others of politicians, the victims, the entitled that you got to get rid of those folks.
The second thing you got to get rid of is you've got to mitigate and turn off 24 hour news and social media. It is poisoned. It is absolutely poison and they are addictive. It is meant you're either instagram fabulous or linkedin successful, which is envy and jealousy and it's all bullshit. Anyway forget I hope I can say that. And then and then also think about all of the negativity on the news. It's you know division and fear mongering and if they're not with us, you're against us and cancelation and woke and all this other crazy stuff And that's just not life that's just not humans. It doesn't reconcile with 99% of us. So you've got to eliminate the negative inputs in your life. These are things that are gonna make you a whole lot happier and help there instantly to eliminate the negative nellies, eliminate the now mitigate you don't have to get off social media, you can go be on instagram but you know mitigate it because all it's gonna do is promote that embassy in envy jealousy or division, but then you've got to replace it with positives.
So what did the positive look like? We've taken away some negative influences in our life. We've taken away the valid noise. Why don't you listen to this podcast? That's a positive thing. Why don't you listen to legendary if you're not a reader, I'll read it to you. I it's on audible, let me read it to you. Start taking some things and inputting good things into your life. May be watching a really good documentary on how to be more successful in business or maybe it's learning a course on how to do a master your time. Maybe it's calling a good friend or going for a walk. Uh there's a going out for a walk in nature. So for me every single day I have a hard routine too. So I want to, so you've got to take out the negative and add the good, but for me every single day I meditate for at least 10 minutes today. What does meditation do for me, it makes me proactive and not reactive, it makes me pause and it keeps me present and it's a muscle that I build every single day I have a formal gratitude practice. I write down a lot of things. I'm grateful for both to myself and to others.
That gets me present. It gets me in a loving state and gets me thankful for what I do have, it doesn't put me in fear, it puts me in abundance. I write intentions that I'm working on every single day. For example, thank you Tommy for not taking things personally and surrendering the outcomes. That's something I'm working on. I write that down every day and when I'm struggling with confidence or courage or in a relationship or with fear, I I write affirmations, I am a lovable, worthy valuable man, I am a loving uh graceful, present patient husband. These are africa, so I write intentions affirmations and gratitude every day. I have some daily readings, I do every day from ancient wisdom, from stoicism to daoism to buddhism to Christianity. That's just ancient wisdom done by day and that's just pure wisdom. That puts that positive input in my body. I meditate every day I think twice a week and quiet and I always walk in nature every day. And so those are the tools every day that I use every single day to build my heart muscle, my mind muscle and my soul muscle and then throughout the day I don't hang out with negative people, I don't allow, uh, energy.
You know, you know when people walk in the room, whether they take the energy down or lift it up. You know when your phone rings, whether it's a hell yes or hell no, don't allow the hell knows in your life. Only allow the hell yes is because life is short. Our time is critical. We don't have much time. It's our most important asset. So use it for the most part, flip the switch and stay on the abundant side of positive inputs in your life. Go out and hang out with a friend, go play sports with a friend. Go hide. It doesn't really matter. Just get off the video games, get off the social media, stay off the news and add the positive, but it's a choice. It's a hard choice but that these are tactical ways to start living your life a little bit better than you did yesterday Pick one. I just gave you six or eight pick one and just do that one. Mm I love it. Okay, so Tommy, now tell me, so you have this kind of transition, the shift your, you want to go deeper with yourself. You're doing the inner soul work. All of that. And then legendary comes about and all of this, what has this?
Was this, the fulfillment you were looking for? Yes. Um, but not from a, it's a fulfillment cause I knew if I would have stayed in the financial world and the consulting mergers and acquisition in public accounting world that I wouldn't be in the arena. I wanted to, I would have just stayed for money and status and I was super unhappy. So the fulfillment was putting myself in the arena and taking the courageous choice to go way out on a limb and write a book, go way out on a limb and start a movement and running retreats and experiences and mastermind for ambitious driven men and women. But what I realized is the fulfillment comes from this is every day I get to work in my purpose and passion Every day I, we've got, we're a small but mighty team, we only have 10 people, but they are world class and badass. So I get to pick the people I work with. The fulfillment comes when I get to pick the people I serve both as clients and as, as my network and friends.
The fulfillment comes with every single day I get to have fun in what I'm doing because I would buy what I'm selling and I work this craft as hard as I give this craft. So what does that mean? Well I'm in the coaching mastermind retreat and experienced business, guess what I do, I pay a coach, I pay for a mastermind, I go to other people's experiences, I go to other people's retreats because I love the work so much and I'm constantly sharpening my pencil and my content and getting better in my craft so that I can go serve my movement and so the fulfillment comes from all those things and happiness and fulfillment and joy. Those are just choices in their fleeting because life will happen, economics will happen, politics will happen, sickness will happen, but if we constantly and it's not, if life happens is when, but if we do the things that we love, we're passionate about it, we live in our core values and we work on our inner game every single day, you'll be able to run to the fire when life happens and not run from the fire.
So the fulfillment comes from the courage from the people I surround myself with from the clients, from the work I get to do from the craft I get to serve because it literally saves my life every day. It literally makes me successful everyday. It literally saves my marriage every day because sister, if I don't work this stuff, it is ugly, I mean it is, I am a Michelangelo at doing things wrong, asked everyone who knew me my 1st 36 years now look at my last 12 and it's a totally different game and so thank you for letting me share all that as well, wow, that is awesome. I really, I just think that is so cool and I just commend you for what you're doing Tommy now let me ask you, so you know you have this purpose and passion and you are like, okay, this is your doing the soul work and now you're helping people, you're like taking it to this whole other level, but you're like, you're not just like, hey, I want to help people, you're like, you come up with a book called legendary and that's like, that's, you know, that's big.
It really is. It's not just like, hey, let's be cool or be your best view. It's like, I want you to be legendary. So talk to us about this. That's why that's why I named it that. So, um, what I love about the book legendary is, is, is I certainly don't think I'm legendary. Um, but it's what I love about the word. It's not a word that you and I or your audience can give ourselves because people would laugh. It's kind of like saying we're an influencer. Well, people call you an influencer when you're an influencer. If I said, you know what I am legendary, you would laugh me off the screen. And so for me, what I love about the word legendary, it's, it's given to us by our culture, our society, our friends, our family, the people we touch and the people we serve because at the end of the day when you, the only thing we know for certain is you and I won't be here forever and are we gonna make impact? Are we going to be the masters of our ship? Are we gonna live the good life?
Are we gonna live with purpose? Are we gonna let others control our time? Are we gonna control our time? Are we gonna work at building that confidence and courage and respect for ourselves and mastering our mindset? Are we gonna build a world class network? Are we going to build towards financial confidence and freedom? And if we do all those things and we do it in the name of impact and service and using your purpose to make someone something yourself or an organization better than you found it at the end of the day, people will say we built and lived legendary lives and that's why I titled it legendary because society gives us that word and you can be a horrible legend. There's been 100 of them out there. Or you can be a world class legendary person who served and made impact for yourself and others and that's what this book is all about. Mm I love that. That is just so awesome. And I think, you know, times so many of us kind of get stuck in the space of mediocrity, right? But I love that you're just out here letting people know, hey, you can be legendary by doing this kind of service and um being bigger than just what is there.
So that is amazing. But we have to serve ourselves, lead ourselves respect ourselves and love ourselves first before we can do others. It's the whole analogy of putting the mask on and the plane to yourself first so that you can put mask on others And our paradigm is wrong. We like to stay. Our family and friends are the most important things are spouses were lying. It's for people who are ambitious and driven. It's our business and careers. Well, I'm trying I'm not trying, I'm doing I'm shifting that para around, I'm like, it's okay to spend your most of your time at your business. It's who you are. That's what makes you ambitious and driven. But it's about quality and not quantity. But the first thing you gotta invest in before your business is yourself. So every day get up and do the reps to lead yourself better. To love yourself better to respect yourself better and to live with self confidence and courage so that you can go lead and love others better. So that you can spend quality time with your friends, your family, your spouse. And that when you are leading your business or your career or working towards that, that you will do it with on full cylinders and stand tall with your head up and shoulders back and not worried about mediocrity because you know, you're doing the reps every day.
So I am shifting the paradigm where it starts with us first, working on ourselves first. Put the mask on us participate in our own rescue so that we can go serve the world. Mm I love that participate in our own rescue. That's amazing because we all in some way need to be rescued. Um so do you find Tommy with your work is particularly with men, Right? It I there's kind of a lot of stigma around certain things, right, needing to be the tough guy, needing to be the strong guy, the brave guy. Not showing vulnerability. What is that like for you? How do you kind of mitigate that? Or help people kind of look beyond that? Yeah. I think a lot of ambitious driven men feel like they got to have a certain persona. You know, it's the locker room mentality. And there's nothing wrong with competition. There's nothing wrong with sport. There's nothing wrong with winning.
And there's nothing wrong with ambition and drive those are that's our community. That's who we stand for. Both our men and women. How I mitigate that and how I get them to open up. I don't want them to emotionally bomb it on me. But I want them to be authentic and vulnerable. I want them to know that they're not alone. I want them to know that they carry the prophet burden. They carry the employment burden that they carry the big career burden. They carry the burden of not, you know, men especially we crave respect and we fear embarrassment. Um we crave respect. And we fear embarrassment. And we need a lot of affirmation from people especially for those of who who like from our spouses or significant others. We want that affirmation that data boy. And we think and honestly the more successful we were the more powerful we were, the more successful we were, the more we got laid, the more successful we were, the more people wanted to be around us. And so it's it's been in our D. N. A. For hundreds of thousands of years. But how I mitigate it is I give them the gift of going second.
I tell them about the failures that I had in my career when I was working in the name of more and more and more and more money and more and more. You know, we we overcome those false beliefs that if we work harder I'll be happy if I work harder, I will be more successful. Well then that'll make me happy. If I compromise all of my time now to get to here, then I'll be happy. All that's bullshit. Every bit of that is false beliefs. Why can't you work smarter? Why can't you work on your inner game and have an authentic conversation with another man and ask for help, ask because you don't have all the answers in your business. You don't have all the answers in your relationship and by nature. Most ambitious driven men and women women, men and women, we suck in our relationships because we put them last and we take them for granted. So what I give people is the gift of going second not only from myself but the men and women in my community who have been through our foundational retreat, who are involved in our mastermind, we come in open and honest like hey man, I am screwing up with my employee, help me, help me figure it out, what am I doing wrong here?
Like extreme accountability or hey, you know, I can't figure out why me and my wife, we haven't, we haven't talked in like two weeks or had a good conversation or had sex or whatever it is you want or man, I really, you know, there's this business line that I got about it. So what we give them is by sharing wisdom and not advice by sharing, hey, we've been there with you, you're not walking alone in, whether it's your insecurity, your fear or your desire to be more successful or your struggle with your family or your time is out of control and you feel like your schedule is controlling you and you're not controlling your schedule because they've been through our retreat because they see the authentic conversations without emotionally vomiting, I don't do like you want to see emotionally vomiting seeing facebook, I don't do any of that crap, I'm talking about having a real conversation asking for help and seeking wisdom and guidance and we give them an independent ecosystem and forum of like minded people with the same core values with the same drives and we have real conversations to make real impact and change in our lives or make it for better and that's how we overcome it is by showing them how to do it first.
Walking the walk. Mm hmm That is awesome. So Tommy, I want to say, I just think you are so awesome. I love what you're up to, you're making uh just profound impact out there and I know you're transforming lives. So I am so just um you know touched and moved and inspired by everything you've shared. And I would like to ask you and I will say thank you today for your time. I really appreciate it. Oh you're so very welcome. And by the way, the reason you know, I I love that I get to talk in the mirror all day and you're like, okay, okay, you're giving some great wisdom here now you gotta go do this in your life. So I walk inside by side, I do this just as much for me as I do it for you and others. That is awesome. And that's where the authenticity comes in because you are um walking the walk, you know, so that's amazing.
I just, I know that you're just doing amazing things and Tommy, I'm going to ask you in closing what if there is one message, hope for the world message a little bit of wisdom, anything what would you like to leave us with? You're not alone. So whatever it is in your life, if that is not going and we've all got something um, it could be anything, it could be unhappy. It could be a sick kid. It could be not as successful as you want to be stuck in mediocrity scared. Um, I feel like your lack time or you're out of control, worry, fear, mindset, whatever it is is what or lack purpose. I want, I want you to hear that you're not alone and we've all been there and we all struggle to it on some degree. I don't care what you see on facebook or instagram or linkedin. Every single human being has got something they're working on. They've got a story, they're telling themselves, they got things they wish were better.
They've got mistakes that they've made and they also have regrets and we also have desires and you're not alone in any of that. If you are feeling that in any way or you experience that anyway, so are millions of others. Okay, so now that you know that now you can't unknown. Oh that the key is what are you gonna do? So go find the nearest mirror and no, that's the problem in this solution and fire the old you and hire the you that's been in there and participate in your own rescue and go make some take some negatives out and add some positives in in whatever area at all. If you want to be better but you are the problem. You are the solution. You must choose to participate in your own rescue. And if I can do this and thousands of others can do this, you can do this. You just got to believe in you as much as I believe in you and go find that mirror fire that told you that you don't like and you might you might have to do it 100 times over 100 days, that's okay. And then hire that real you that's down in there, choose to make change or choose to add something to your life and choose to take some negatives away and over time those muscles will build the compounding interest will kick in and then a month, two months, three months a year from now you'll look back and go damn I actually did that and that my friends is fulfillment.
Now leave it at that. Mm I love it Tommy! Thank you so much. You have been so awesome. You are very welcome. Thank you so much And you know I love blossom. You're awesome. What better name is that? I love that. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much Tommy