blossom, your awesome podcast, episode number 51 today on the show, Karissa Mon tooth is here with us and I am so excited. Karissa is 1/6 generation energy healer, international speaker, author and love coach, she teaches people how to heal their hearts and attract love without self sabotage. Karissa also holds advanced degrees in psychology and counseling and has written extensively about topics relating to love, personality types, personal development and mindset shifts. I am so honored and delighted to have Karissa here with us sharing her wisdom love and light. Karissa, thank you so much. Welcome to the show, Thank you so much for having me.
I'm very excited to get to talk to you. Oh, I'm so excited to have you here, Karissa, let's start with your background, how you got into this line of work. Yeah, so it's kind of a funny thing of like running away from your destiny, which is like something that I feel like I did for a while. Um, my family, we're all healers. I'm 1/6 generation healer. So going back my mom, my grandma, you know, um, always I grew up with that understanding that that was a part of my family's healing legacy. So we were kind of like that family that, you know, um, you go visit because you have problems with something, but you don't want people to see you leave their house, that kind of thing. Um, we were sort of that family, I'm still involved in like the traditional religious practices and you know, my grandmother's founded churches and stuff like that. Um, but then you know, as I was growing up, I really felt like I was, I wanted to be seen like I saw our practices of healing less as being the powerful things that they were that were kind of unique and more as being something that made us weird.
So I was looking for like any teenager kind of does, oh my gosh, militarizing. This is so weird, why can't we be normal? So, so remember I kind of came into my twenties thinking about like um legitimacy, thinking about what, what would, how can I do, How can I help people in a way that would seem more legit, that would, that people would find more acceptable. So I got my degrees in psychology, I got my degrees in counseling and I started to work in the community college area. So I was like, I wrote a book called job hacks. It was about how do you match your values with the job that you want to go into? I started teaching classes that were like basically the same thing. They were intro to college classes, but they were also about how do you pick your major based on your values, all of these kinds of things and really a lot of things that had to do with personality and what I found is that a lot of the students that were women would come up to me after fascinating like, okay, I think I'm this personality type and I think my boyfriend is this personality type, how should I talk to him about like that's committed, or how can I talk to him about moving to the next part of our relationship or different things like that, How can our relationship be better?
So what I really thought and felt was that they were wanting help and support and guidance about love much, much more than about careers and things like that, and also I realized I couldn't really help them the way that I wanted to and the way that I knew how to in that setting with love. So I started to do um I started to do coaching kind of as a side thing and I was helping women basically with dating. So I was helping women date with that self sabotage and I had one client who was having a really difficult time getting over an experience with an X. And I knew that there was something that I could do energetically to help heal her at her heart chakra and I knew it was gonna maybe some kind of value to her because we hadn't done anything like that up to that point, it was basically just the coaching part. I wasn't doing any of the healing work that I do now with people then. So I asked her for her permission to do that energy work with her and I said, I know it's gonna seem a little bit, you know, but can we do this thing?
And she said sure. And we did and she felt much, much lighter right afterwards. And then the next week when we met, she said, I don't know what you did last time but we need to do that every time. Mm hmm. And that made me really understand, Okay, I this is something that I really need to be bringing to people and I need to just have the courage to know that if that the people who need it are going to benefit from it. And it's not, I don't really need to care what anybody else thinks or how anybody else feels about it because that's, it's not for those people, it's for the people that really need it and they need me to do it. So at that point I started to work with clients as an energy healer and a life coach so that I was able to, you know, what happens with um with love blocks or with any kind of like um energy heavy, stagnant energy around love our wounds about love or any of those things is that they're deep in us at the level of our subconscious mind and that's the domain of energy healing.
And the things that I would help people with in terms of life coaching were things like um how to feel comfortable on a first date or conversations, you know, to have with someone that you're about to date or how do you create an online profile that is authentic, but it is also attractive, you know? Um all of these kinds of things that they were more the how twos of dating, the differences between men and women with community and with regard to communication and those kinds of things And that's great, but that's like 10-20% of the whole thing, You know, 80-90% is what I am believing is true for me about love on a deep subconscious level. Do I believe I deserve love or have my experiences in the past taught me that I don't um have my experiences in the past taught me that it's impossible because of something in me or because of something in them, like the men in the world, like men are all cheaters or men are all going to hurt me or whatever, you know?
Um there are deep, deep beliefs and deep blocks and deep wounds that we can have in our energy and it's like, um that's 80 to 90% of what we're manifesting from. So even when it looks like, oh, I'm just making choices based on these circumstances, we're actually choosing based on our wounds and we're manifesting the circumstances based on our wounds. So the reason that the work that I do with my clients helps them to create sustainable relationships without the self sabotage is that we don't just talk about dating or communication or, or different relationship styles or any of those things. We actually do the deep heart healing so that it's not hard for them. It doesn't feel like they're trying to drive with the parking brake on. It's just like easy to receive. And as they get to each level they can feel the self sabotage urge kind of come up but they're aware of it and they can counter it and let it go and then it just becomes easy. It's like oh I see that passing thought of you know whatever the thing was and they can let it go and stay in the moment.
Because the thing that people a lot of times are not prepared for isn't like what if I don't get what I want It's like what if I get what I want and I don't know how to handle it. Because so often like that's what happens in love. Is that okay now I'm in the relationship and it feels good but it does not feel familiar. It doesn't feel familiar for it to feel this good And our pull as human beings towards what feels familiar. We cannot underestimate the power of that. Because if if misery feels familiar to us, we will do that. As opposed to feeling good. Feeling good to new. Mm hmm hmm hmm hmm wow that is so powerful. And and also this kind of notion of you know when you do find something good, especially if you've been through some bad, you know relationships, you it's kind of like, wait, this is too good to be true. Exactly. Exactly. And that's such a powerful phrase that we speak over our lives if we say this is too good to be true or we say, I can't believe that this is happening.
Um because our words are very powerful, you know, a lot of times were speaking that because that's what our blocks or our wounds are saying to us, I can't believe that this is happening, literally, you know, this is too good to be true for me. Um, so a lot of times, you know, we need to be careful with those words. Um, and a lot of times when I find the client saying those kinds of things over and over again, that gives me the place to start from in terms of looking for the beliefs to help them clear from their energy. Um because you know, so often what comes out of our mouth, you know, it's it's it's actually it's roots are in our subconscious, so sometimes when we hear that come out we can, we can make a conscious shift and change, you know, I can't believe this is happening or this is too good to be true to this is a dream come true or I could really get used to this, right and you know, like those kind of things right now tell me, you know, with like deep heart healing that you mentioned where for somebody, I mean because that just becomes habitual, right?
You get hurt. You have this deep wound and then you're just guarded, closed off, afraid to date or keep uh you know, so in that scenario because there's scenarios, what where does one kind of start to become open again? Where is there kind of so many practical guidance to begin to heal that deep heart wound? Yeah. Well the first thing is um stop dating, like to stop dating for a minute. I love that advice because the thing about it is it's like it's just going to continue if you have wounds, you know, usually you have a wound from a breakup, you know, and there are these five big breakup wounds that happened. So there's this anger wound which is this um it's the feeling that like if he needs to pay for what he did, he doesn't deserve to be happy, he needs to pay for what he did.
Um And it's a kind of like obsessive thought about that, How can he get away with what he did to me? So it's his anger wound. Another one is the confusion wound which is the one that keeps playing in in our heads, that goes if only I understood why he did X. Y. Z. If only I understood why he did X, Y. Z over and over again. If only he would just tell me the truth only I knew what really happened, blah blah blah and that one is really pervasive because it doesn't matter, there's nothing that that person is going to tell you that is going to make you say, oh I get it now, this all makes sense to me, I'm totally fine with the breakup, but it's this fly that were um that just praise on our energy in this really destructive way. Um and there are five main, you know, breakups wounds, but the thing is like if we keep dating before we clear the wound, we just attract things that match the wound. So like for example, you know, you can have a grief wound and if you don't heal it, you're just gonna attract things situations that give you more to grieve about, you know, there's a fear wound and if you clear it, if you don't clear it, you're going to attract things that make you more and more afraid of dating or of men or afraid of the future, afraid of like um maybe this is it for me, Maybe I should settle, Maybe I should, you know, um you know, just hang out in sweats and ponytail and netflix on the couch forever, which is not like a bad way to spend time, but if that's like if it's that or relationships and you know, I'm gonna pick relationships sometimes and sometimes getting the netflix on the couch and you know, you know, so it's like these wounds attract the things that match them.
And so there's this illusion that like stains still and not doing anything is a safe position. You know? It's really not, it's it's just a limiting position, you know? But the things that we can do to begin to heal those things that at first we can stop dating because we're just gonna keep attracting those things and we're going to manifest self confirming evidence over and over, and we're going to think that what's happening is happening because the world is a bad place instead of like I'm creating this situation by what I believe we're going to. We're going to keep um we're gonna forget our own power to create the situation and and be like no I believe this because things are bad rather than things are bad because of what I believe. So so we have to take this big break away from that and we have to focus really deeply on giving ourselves space and love and rest and healing and the healing part for our hearts.
Sometimes it is actually a specific energetic healing practice. So one of the things that I do with my clients is I actually do an energetic healing practice of connecting with them in energy to clear the the wounds that are going on. Um But then I also have, you know, there are other things that people can do that are helpful for them. Like E. F. T. Like emotional freedom technique and tapping tapping is really helpful if you have um an obsessive kind of a thought pattern that's like I'm gonna get hurt, I'm going to get hurt. I'm not safe dating is not good for me. Especially based in trauma tapping can be really helpful for interrupting that pattern and then collapsing the emotional intensity of that so that you can start to manifest from more intentional um thoughts and beliefs. Instead of like this tape that's running you know of like um it's gonna happen again, it's gonna happen again, it's gonna happen again. We can collapse those thoughts with TFT and practices like that.
Sometimes though it's like um it's like if you went to a doctor and the doctor gave you a whole list of stuff that you can go out and do for yourself. Some people are going to do that and be like okay great thanks very much and they're gonna go off and they're gonna create a fitness plan and they're gonna create a new eating plan and they're gonna research what supplements they can take and whatever. Some people need to just come to someone and be like can you just please fix this part of my life. You know and it's like yes you know it's not gonna be overnight because the wounds didn't appear overnight but if you commit to a healing practice with someone who is able to um connect to those things and see what's going on and understand it and help you with it, then Yes, you know, you can have a partner in healing, you can help you with those things. So, like, I know this is kind of a roundabout answer, but um the first thing that people can do to heal their hearts is stop dating because you're just gonna make it kind of like dig a deeper hole, you know?
And then the second thing you can do is actually address it in energy, So stop looking for, stop reading self help books about it, don't keep switching dating sites and think like maybe it's another dating site or maybe if I just pay an upgrade, I'll need a different kind of people, you know, it's like, that's not it, you know, maybe I need sexier pictures on my profile, it's not that you don't need to put yourself out there more, it's none of that kind of stuff. You don't need to lose £10 it's nothing to do with that. It's it's your energy shows through whether you are online or in person, your energy is your energy is your energy and it doesn't lie. So the best investment that you can make is to be in a place where you feel whole and you feel secure and you feel like um you will be okay whether someone comes into your life or not, but you would prefer to have them in your life. The goal that I always worked with my clients on, what we're always working towards.
What we're always healing our way towards is you have a great, beautiful, amazing, vibrant, deeply satisfying life. That is so, um enjoyable and so fun and so luxe. And you are inviting someone to enjoy that with you. Mm hmm. I love that. That was so beautiful. Karissa. Now, you know, one of the things I will, I appreciate you saying Because it affirms very much so, what I've always believed, you know, there's those a lot of times you hear this advice like people tell you, you know, you go through a breakup and they're like, oh, you just need to meet someone else to get over him. And it's like, no, I don't. That always makes me cringe. And I was like, oh God, please don't. And it's always it's also like when people tell you when you're in a bad situation, okay, nobody is in a bad situation and doesn't know it's bad. Like so many I know so many brilliant women who know that their relationship that they're in right now is not really that great for them.
But the way that I feel about it is like, you know what you're getting out of that relationship and when it's time for you to move on, you will. So, I'm never like telling somebody you gotta break up with this person and you got to this and you go to that And you know what I mean? Because it's like I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know about this person but there's something that they are giving you or some other lesson that you are learning from that situation and you moving on from it at your time with your own wisdom is going to be the best thing for you because your inner wisdom is sovereign. Like there's no it's not for me to like try to replace your agenda with mine. It's for me to help you remove the things that are in the way of you hearing yourself and for me to help you remove the obstacles that are in the way of you doing what's best for you that you already know is best for you. Mm wow, I love that. That's so empowering. It's just you know, versus kind of doing it for them or telling them what to do.
But guiding them in that direction, you know, it's like one of my favorite quotes, I'll never be able to state at varied um because I never remember it and I think it was buddha who said that, you know, the greatest master will lead the student to the master within Yeah, well buddha has some gems, your inner buddha is bringing out, you know, everyone else's buddha and that's a beautiful, that's amazing because I think uh there's so much more to it then like you said making them wrong or telling them what they already know and kind of allowing because you're just always, if you, you know, dump somebody for someone else or because somebody told you to, you're going to be like, damn, I wish I was still with that person or maybe I shouldn't have dumped him because you're not there yet.
You're not. Yeah, it didn't come from you. And the other thing to what I've noticed is that when a client of mine does that because someone else told them to or really they leave a bad situation and I'm not talking about an abusive situation obviously where it's like they're in danger or something like that, but just a situation where that person was not, maybe didn't didn't value them for who they are really and didn't didn't really make them feel cherished and adored, you know, because that's what I consider as, like, that's that's baseline, right baseline is that you feel cherished and adored by this person. You feel like you are the, when you're with them, you feel like you're the most gorgeous being on the planet. Like mind, body spirit. Like they see you completely, they you can be yourself around them. Uh and yet they also encourage you to, you know, um, to be the best self that you can be, you know, like they help you and support you in your dreams, you help them and support them in their dreams, like you grow and and evolve together, you know, um and it's like a lot of times I will have a client and somebody has told them to break up with someone else.
And what I have found is that it always always backfires because that person, later on when we do um we do a ritual usually with my full program that's called a soul call Which is essentially a co manifesting ritual where I'm connecting with them and energy to call this person into their life. And we do that after we've done a lot of the other healing stuff. And there are a lot of reasons for that. Um One of them is because It usually takes 2-3 months for that person to come into your life and they don't match who you are at the time that they come in, they match who you are at the time when you call them in. So you have, if you try to call somebody in your life and you haven't done a lot of healing, they're just gonna match who you were before you clear those wounds out. So it's part of a bigger healing program that I do so that we're doing that at the right time for them. Um but what I found is that even then if there are still connections to an X. That they haven't fully processed because they broke off the relationship too soon on someone else's advice when we do that.
So called they will call that X back into their lives because they're not done learning from that situation. Mm hmm And someone they cut off their lesson prematurely on someone else's advice. So it's like they will always call that person back in because they have to prove to themselves that that person has not changed. And that that relationship is really not for them. Mm hmm Until they come to that themselves. No one can bring them to that. And usually though if they've done their healing, they're working things out there clearing they're letting go of wounds. And a lot of times I'll do cord cutting's with clients a few months later. They can come to that on their own. They can come to that on their own. But usually the thing about closure is that like closure happens when you don't care if you get closure anymore. Mm hmm. Which sucks. But it's true. I love that. But and it doesn't it did you say it sucks though? It does.
It sucks that that's true. But it is true. You know? Because we want the closure so bad. And we think it's going to be like it's so necessary. And we get to a point where we've learned to live without it. And then we get it. Mm hmm I love that. And you know and when you get to that point of kind of liberation. It's just it really it's like you just don't care. So it's like Yeah. It's sucked in that moment. But then it's kind of like I don't care? I don't care. And then you'll hear something about that person. And it will be like, you don't respond in the same way. Like your soul doesn't sort of jerk. You don't get that like responsive. Like it's like you hear them and you're like, okay, I hear their name and I am well. Mm hmm. Nothing moved. Yeah. I love that. That is awesome. Now, tell me, what about, you know, this people have a way of, you know, just like history repeats itself. So we get into these cyclical patterns, right?
You attract that same type of bad person over and over and over again. What is that? What's causing that? And how do we break that cycle? Right. So sometimes what feels like chemistry to us is that someone else has the same wounds that we have subconsciously and that feels familiar to us. Mm hmm. So what we have to do is two things we have to look at those wounds and clear them and heal them and give ourselves time for that. And then we have to create a new vision of what we do want. Because when we're not, um when we're operating from our wounds were attracting the things that match them and that feel familiar. But even when those things have cleared, we're kind of out there. You know, winning in it. Like, okay, well I know, I don't want those things that sucked anymore. But like, what do I want? What does a healthy relationship feel like we never a lot of times, we've never experienced that yet, but we haven't experienced it.
I don't want to have never experienced it, but we haven't experienced it yet. Or maybe we experienced it and didn't recognize it. So we have to be really intentional about the picture we paint for ourselves of what a healthy relationship would look like and that does two things. One is you actually send out an order to the universe that says, bring me this. That's one thing that it does. But the other thing that it does is it lets you be able to recognize those healthy qualities and characteristics in someone when they show up so that instead of going like, oh, this guy feels exciting, it's like we're like, oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, that feels so yes, we go, okay, hold on, hold on. Like we can stop ourselves and go, does this guy have the things on this list? Like does does this person seem particularly safe? Are they consistent in terms of their words and actions matching? Um how are they treating other people in their lives who depend on them?
Um Am I ignoring, are there times that they've um lied to me? And I am ignoring that because I hope that it will work instead. Um Is the situation needlessly complicated? Do I get mixed signals from this person? You know, we're able to, when we've released those wounds? When we've cleared those wounds were able to take a step back and go, okay, Is this person matching the things that I've identified from a healthier state that I need in order to be happy in a relationship. Mm hmm. Yeah. Now help me. So give us a little more clarity here. Like, you know, there's that, I mean, I think you get to a stage in life, you know, some of us do where it's kind of like, okay, this guy is too sexy. Like this is, let me go the other direction. Yes. This guy's scary sexy. Like I'm gonna, I'm gonna break some appointments and stuff and um, for this guy, I'm going the other way.
So, um, yeah, you know, but when you're younger, it's kind of like, oh, that's sexy. It's a draw. It's like writing Yes. You know, and oh my God. And but how do you, what is that kind of balance between, right? Because I know some people and we're not naming any names here. But you know, it's where it's kind of like, okay, this person is really wonderful and sweet and really likes you, but you're just really not that into him because it's like, he's not your type. He's not your physical type, Right? So I know people, you know, women who were like, have had the opportunity to be with wonderful men, but they just weren't into them? Ray? Right. So it's kind of like, is what is that, what's going on there and how do we kind of sort of path out? Yeah. So there's a couple of things, there are a couple of things going on there.
One thing is that they have equated like roller coaster with passion. So they feel like if it doesn't, if I don't have high highs and low lows, it's not a passion, it's not love. They have this definition of love that's really um like an addiction to highs and lows. That what they're describing is like I was addicted in the past to someone who wasn't great for me and that feels like love to me, You know, there's there's this weird thing about women, we have this like incredible superpower and what it is is like if a guy starts out to us on a scale of 1 to 10, if he starts out to us as like maybe a five, we will actually, we can be ourselves around that guy because we're not trying to impress that guy. You know, we're not thinking like, oh we're not twisting ourselves into pretzels trying to be what we think he wants. We're just kind of being ourselves, which means he's getting to know us for ourselves. And if that person is an emotionally healthy person and emotionally mature person and if he begins to treat us consistently in ways that are healthy and good and attentive and um like he's always there and always these things Then he will literally become more attractive in our eyes over time.
So it'll be like now this guy is like a seven And now the more that I get to know him and the better he treats me now he's like an 18, like he will literally become, we will evaluate him as being more attractive than we did at the beginning if he is treating us well. But the problem is that when women come from this place of like, oh I'm addicted to this feeling of the highs and lows, it's really just an addiction, it's literally an addiction to um heartache and then the relief that comes when you think that the heartache is over and that brief honeymoon period of like okay now I'm happy and I'm in one of the high highs and then plunging back into the low lows, it's an addiction to the roller coaster, you know? And usually that's because that was the way that they felt loved before, you know, it was like a dad that was maybe not around all the time um and that they felt like, you know, he's with us right now, so that's really great and and maybe if I am super extra amazing and wonderful, he won't leave again or um my parents being proud of me when I achieved but not so proud of me other times having to work really hard for the um approval um so it's like all of these ways, a lot of times that I'm working with clients and we're doing the energy work, which is the big, we use a five part formula and the first part of the formula is a big chunk of it is feeling.
And a lot of what we do is we, we deal with those first relationships. We deal with your mom and dad and cut the cord with mom and dad because that's your number one and number two, who told you what love was supposed to look like, What relationships were supposed to look like, how men and women are supposed to interact with each other. Whether you are worthy of love, what you have to do to get love, what love should feel like to you how easy it should be or how hard it should be. They gave you the definition and the blueprint for what your relationship should be like so often we'll go, we'll go back to excess. Yes. But we, we go way back to family of origin because they're your number one and number two. You know, who taught you what love was? So a lot of times when you see that that behavior of like this guy is boring because he's nice. It's like, well that might be true or it might be like this guy doesn't, um this guy doesn't, what is it, he doesn't relieve me from the pain that he caused me over and over again.
This guy doesn't give me that, you know, relief feels blissful and amazing when you've just been in pain. It feels like it's a high high mm hmm. You know? But it's really like you wouldn't need it if you weren't constantly in pain. Right? And I think also that it seems a lot of times mistaking like, oh my God, this hurts so bad. I just you must have loved him so much because it Really? Oh yeah, that's right Because it hurts so badly. Yeah. And that's the same thing as like when someone comes back people think like, oh he came back. So that must mean it was really real. Well no, because a lot of times what's so crazy is I'll do a cord cutting for an X. Right? So I'm working with a client will cut the cord to her ex and then her ex will call her. And it's usually like within 24 hours or something like that happened. Maybe she hasn't heard from him for like six months or like a year and she'll be like, well he called me and I always have to explain to people now that is not significant.
Like, like alright, he knew that he was being cut so he has not changed. And but a lot of times it's like people do feel that shift. He he might have felt that shift on a subconscious level because people reach out. But it's like an energetic homeostasis thing. It's not significant in the sense of like he has changed overnight and now wants to be with you. It's just in the sense of like he felt a disturbance in the force. Yeah. And so he was like, I wonder what she's up to. You know, it's not like he's changed, you know, and he's come back. It's not like that, but it's it happens like clockwork to the point that now every time we do that with the client, I'm always like with one client, he called her while we were doing this for cutting and she was just like, I have not heard from him in literally months and I was like, I know, I know, but he's not different.
I promise you he's not different. He just felt a disturbance in the force. Nothing really else changed. Like I promise you. And the only thing that's funny is I always know when a client is like people like I have a client and we're working really consistently and then all of a sudden she'll be like, oh I need to put off, I need to reschedule. Like my next session. And I was like, okay, and then the next session after that I need to reschedule. And I'm like, she's trying to get back with her ex right now and she doesn't want to talk to me because she knows she'll have to feel she'll feel more accountable. Not like I'm going to come down on her, But she's like, no, I don't want to hear about all the healthy stuff right now. I'm really trying to self sabotage really quick so I can get this in here. Or she'll be like, um, do you think I should go to dinner with my ex? Because he called to tell me happy birthday and you just you know, I just really felt like blah blah blah. And like you already made reservations, have dinner with your ex. You already have those lands. You're you're not You're hoping I tell you to do what you already wanted to do.
It's funny. People are just funny. But you know, I just work within that because it's not about changing who someone is or about me asserting my agenda there. You know, it's about like, like I said, it's about clearing their obstacles to hearing their own inner wisdom, you know? Mm hmm. And now, you know, and we're laughing about this. There's an aspect of it That's funny. But we're not laughing at anybody. We're just, you know, relatable way because we've all been there and we were laughing because we're remembering when we did that disturbing the force has been, you know, disturbed. I'm picturing some guys sitting playing video games in a Darth Vader suit, picking up the phone to call call the X. But um yeah, So now Carisa tell me self sabotage. What is that? Like, what are the myths around that? What? And how do we stop that? The the reason Self sabotage is always so hard to stop is because it's initially hard to recognize that we're doing it.
But like an example of it would be I had a client who was doing deep healing work um and she had she finds she manifested an amazing relationship with someone who she was dating. So they were dating for like about maybe two months, things were going really, really well. They were talking about being exclusively committed to gestating each other. And she was someone who had a lot of different friends, male friends, female friends larger for friends. And she got into this habit just when things were going really well with them, of agreeing to have last minute dinner plans with friends who were male and she would tell her boyfriend about them, but she tells him about the plans afterwards, and he was talking to her about it and he was like, you know, it's okay, I don't mind for you to have dinner plans. But when you don't tell me about it in advance, it feels like you're hiding it from me because it would only take you two or three minutes to like, call me and just let me know you have these plans.
I'm totally fine with the plans. You know, it's just like, let me know or otherwise, I feel like there's something that you're hiding. And she totally got that and she totally respected it, but she couldn't stop doing it. That's a self sabotage thing. Mhm. Because it's like she knew it would take two or three minutes and all she had to do was call her boyfriend or even just text him and say, hey, just so you know, going out to dinner with so and so tonight, you know, we'll we'll reconnect later, whatever. And she couldn't stop doing it. So there was something else in energy that she needed to clear so that she could stop doing that. Because she was saying to herself, you know, when your actions do not match your intention, that's a sign of self sabotage, that self sabotage is happening underneath. That if your actions are not matching what you say your intentions are, then there's something else going on. It's a self sabotage things. So some of the things that we can do there when we we figured that out is say, okay, so I'm seeing that this is happening, I'm doing this thing.
My actions and intentions are not matching? Get curious about that. You know, if I saw someone else who was in this situation and she was doing this thing, what would I think about her, what would I think she was afraid of or what would I think she was um what would I think was going on in her mind. You know, being curious and also being compassionate and like generous with yourself. So it's not about like let me figure out how messed up I am and why I'm doing this stupid thing Or punishing myself over and over again. I can't believe I did this again. It's not about that. It's about Okay. So why do I feel like I need to do that? Because you'll find that if you actually catch yourself in a moment of self sabotage, it feels like it's intense pressure. You feel this. It's like I don't want to tell anybody because I don't want them to talk me out of it. I just need to do this really, really fast and just get this, just do this thing.
It's like you just want to do it before anybody can stop you. It's kind of like one of the hallmarks of it. You know that's kind of like let me just get this third donut before anybody can stop me. You know? It's like, you know, it's that kind of a thing. Um So there's kind of a flavor to self sabotage. Where like, you know that it's not the best thing. But you want to kind of hurry up and get it in before your conscience takes over. Or before somebody can stop you or before whatever because there's this internal pressure that's been created via whatever the belief is. So if the belief is like um like the the belief might be this relationship is too good to be true. This relationship is too good for me. Mm hmm. So you're going to do things to sabotage it and get rid of it. Let me get rid of it really quick Because I can't before somebody tells me that I need to stay in it and just and grow before somebody tells me that I need to stay here and face my fears.
Let me just get rid of it really quick Because that feels familiar. I don't you know, being miserable was hard but I could do that. I knew how to navigate my way through that. This is just way too hard, wow. Oh my God, Karissa, now you have had so many amazing awesome insights and um I want to, first of all, just we're gonna have to circle back and do this again at some point and go deeper. If that's something you're open to, I would love love love to awesome. And so first of all I just want to say thank you so very much for your time and wisdom and love and light that you have shared here with us today. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a real pleasure. You are awesome. Karissa, I feel the same way. So in closing what is your one message or some wisdom? Words of wisdom. Hope for us. What is that message you want to leave us with?
If I can leave with one message. If you don't like what happen? You make love Welcome. Mm. I love it, Karissa. You are awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Mm hmm.