Breathe In, Breathe Out with Krystal Jakosky

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The Boxes We Still Live In

by Krystal Jakosky
September 10th 2021

Last week we talked about the boxes that we were all raised in. This week, we're diving even deeper and asking you to think critically about which boxes no longer serve you. 


mm Yeah. Think meditation is hard. Do me a favor. Take a slow deep breath in and now breathe out. Congratulations. You just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Jackowski and this is breathe in, breathe out a weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it. Welcome back to breathe in, breathe out. I am Crystal Jackowski and I'm glad that you returned last week. I was talking about the boxes that every one of us has brought up with the values and morals and beliefs of those who raised us and as we grow up and move out and spread our wings, were confronted with new beliefs and understandings often breaking out on our own causes a little internal discomfort and were left asking, what do we want to carry forward in our lives? What really sits well with me and I want to embody and move with and what ones would I rather just kind of let go of and move on without the ones that leave us unsettled are the ones that we have an opportunity to really look at and evaluate.

Sometimes we'll adjust them a little bit for ourselves and other times we might just let him go by the wayside altogether. And yet it's all about finding peace and understanding for yourself, compassion for yourself. Sometimes it's easy to think that you are the only ones struggling with adjusting to the box or the lack of the box. I have four siblings. When I was eight years old, my parents got a divorce and lives changed, lives were changed my mom's life, my dad's life, my new step mom and her kids lives and all of us kids and I mean it was just a lot of lives were changed. We all kind of dealt with it in our own way. And yet a few years ago, one of my siblings reached out and started a conversation about what we all went through and how we all felt and all of our own personal experiences. I myself had very, very broken memories of all of that time And some of my youngest memories were actually more like nine or 10 years old.

And so I was excited to hear that I was not the only one in my family that had blocked out memories and I was very grateful to this sibling for reaching out and saying, hey, um I've got some holes in my memory and I really would like to try to fill them in and if you guys are open to it, I would love to kind of start a dialogue about our childhood and how we all feel. Now. I know that this was very difficult for some of my siblings to open up to and I know that other siblings were very happy to be able to have this moment of reflection. We talked, we opened up, we expressed our feelings and our memories. Um if we so chose then we shared our pains and the perspectives. We really began healing and it was really amazing the realization for me that every single one of us had a completely different memory feeling understanding experience.

I mean, there were moments that we all remembered basically the same because we had come together for this or that. And so we had experienced them together. And yet there were so many that we had experienced together and we all remember them so drastically differently that I was just I was flabbergasted. I was in all, I was shocked. I was so grateful to see the difference. I could feel the weight that some of my siblings still carried at that moment. And I can I could feel how the experience changed every one of our lives. We all carrie what happened differently. And it has altered our attitudes and actions differently. And yet it was all the same thing. The takeaway of different perspectives changed my outlook, right? Mhm. Right now is a time of dramatic change.

The cry for understanding and acceptance is ever louder and more prominent. We all seek compassion and reassurance of our state as a human race. And yet every single one of us has had a different life up to this point and every single one of us will continue having a completely different life from here on out, just like my siblings and I, we were in the same experience. We were all there and yet no two, we're the same. My pain and my experience our individual to me. One person may look at my life and say, oh my gosh! Those circumstances were so huge and I cannot believe that you came out of it and you did such a good job and you're so amazing and, and wow, that was really hard and somebody else made like me and the holy crap, you had it so easy. My life was so much harder. And yet reality is I'm the one that's living it. I have had sincere joy filled moments and moments that I was ready for everything to be done.

That is not for someone else to judge whether or not I was handling my stress or upset in an acceptable way. It is exactly how I felt and that came from the beliefs and the values that I was raised up with, the experiences that I had that made me uniquely me. We are human. Humans have emotions and emotion is what tears us apart. And yet emotion is this beautiful thing that can bring every single one of us together. The expression of a temper think about it. Someone is really angry. It pushes people away. People recoil. They're afraid you don't want to deal with the yelling, the worry of being hit, desire to protect from a threat. And yet on the other end of it, the shedding of tears brings people together in laughter or compassion. You can laugh so hard you cry and in those moments, those belly laughs, It feels so cleansing and so wonderful that you are connected to other humans in such a beautiful way.

Every one of you had boxes, every one of you has decided where you stand and how you feel. And yet you are able to connect with those people in such an intimate, joyful way someone cries and oftentimes the reaction is I just want to put my arm around you and console you because I don't want you to feel like you're alone. You're not alone. You've got someone with you. The vast scope of emotions is just almost incomprehensible. There's so many different words for so many different emotions and they all just the slightest tweak means something completely different emotions drive our actions, our emotions come from our boxes. We learn how to react, we learn how to be. We learn what is a threat. We learn what is not a threat. We learn, friend or foe. We learn what's uplifting and what's tearing down and anything outside of our box that we've learned can elicit a completely different emotion.

So we might lash out in fear because we would rather protect ourselves from something that's outside. We might cry from fear or sadness, something affects us because of what we've been through the history that we have and the vulnerability that comes from our learned experiences as we grow up. There are countless experiences and emotions running through our bodies, these experiences and motions. They help us form how we see the world and how we move forward. Sometimes they're beautiful and they leave an unbelievably uplifting presence. Other times they are really heavy and they leave us struggling with certain actions or thoughts or emotions. And regardless these emotions and experiences help us create patterns and beliefs that we live by. They are the patterns and beliefs that create the boxes that we live in sometimes are helpful and supportive. While other times these patterns become blocks which hold us back Often, we have no clue that these blockages and these patterns exist.

We're just living our life. We are doing what we think we need to do. We are living according to the rules and the regulations that we have been taught and brought up with. We are living according to our box. We have no idea that it's just a cardboard box and it's not a box built out of bricks. My hope is that we can all see the boxes for what they are. My hope is that we can all find the truth and where we stand. That we can see that the box is a choice and that yes, we can choose parts of it and keep parts of it. And yet we can choose to leave other parts behind. We get to define who we are, who do you want to be? Forget about everybody else's opinions. Forget about everybody else's thoughts. Forget about everybody else's judgments, This is not about them. They are not you. They do not have to live your life. They do not have to deal with your choices. They do not have to pay with consequences. This is you.

And only you can live your most authentic life. And the rules for someone else to keep them where they're at are not necessarily the ones that are going to help you. I am talking about emotional, mental, physical. I'm not talking about the laws of the land. The laws of the land. We have to follow. There's a reason for that. And we know the reasons for that. What I am saying is you personally, your own rules for yourself, Your own thoughts, your own emotions. How are you able to be true to you? What brings you joy? What brings you peace? What boxes that you were raised in? What rules and morals and values and things that you were taught to believe as you grew up are things that just don't sit with you anymore. You get to create your new box. And if you don't want it to be a box, don't make it a box. Mm. Your past does not define you in any way, shape or form.

I learned how to make peace with the boxes and beliefs. I learned how to get rid of what didn't work for me and come to a new understanding of who I am and how I want to live. I'm free of the expectations and the requirements of other people and I live a very loving, full joyful life. I treat other people the way that I want to be treated. I treat myself with love and compassion and I mirror that love and compassion to those around me. I seek to find the most authentic me that I can be. And then I seek to give that out to other people and help them have permission to live the same, authentic true to them life. You can do this too. You can shake the dust off, You can destroy the box. You can embrace a stretch that you did not know could be so delicious and deep and wonderful. Well that just makes me want to stretch. I I ask you to remember this while you ask for compassion and understanding from others.

You must give it to others as well. You cannot say to someone love me while you hate another person, let me say that again. You cannot say love me. I'm amazing. While you hate another human being, everyone is living their own trials. Everyone is walking their own path and is on their own journey. My dream is one of love and unity. I believe that we all need to start within. We all need to get right with ourselves. We all need to own our own shit, dig out all of that crap and look at ourselves for who we truly seriously are and only then can we find peace within ourselves and only then can we grant that same peace and love to everyone around us. In other words, when we grant ourselves permission to leave the boxes behind, we are then able to encourage and assist other people in doing the same thing, Find your own center, find yourself, love, find your truth and once you have found that and you are grounded in that then help others to do the same thing.

Help others live the most loving, truthful, authentic lives that they possibly can in changing, in embracing a new way in shedding old boxes and choosing new beliefs and actions. Sometimes it can be difficult. Sometimes it can be challenging. Sometimes you can be very afraid of the rejection and the judgment coming from the people that taught us these boxes. I encourage you to find those people who support you in the new boxes. I encourage you to find people that love you for exactly who you are and how you are so that you can then grow a little more. And eventually those other people may come around. The thing is though, if you're living true and authentically to you, it's not going to matter quite so much if someone else can't except you, you're amazing. You're beautiful, You're fabulous. Just exactly who you are by owning our own shit. We are less defensive.

We are more able to accept people for who they are for how they are, for where they're at in life, there is less anger, there's less fighting, there is less finger pointing and there is so much more peace. I pray. We can all get right with ourselves. I pray we can all shed those boxes and just find our own authentic truth. I pray that we can look at the mirrors that we're seeing and we can work on those and say all right, what do I want to change? What do I need to change? How can I be a better human being on this planet? And how can I encourage others to do the same. Thank you so much for listening and being here with me today. I hope you come back again next week for more on breathe in, breathe out. I hope this moment of self care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm crystal Dutkowsky on instagram facebook and Youtube and I hope you check us out and follow along for more content. Coming soon I look forward to being with you again here on breathe in, breathe out until next time.

Take care. Yeah, yeah.

The Boxes We Still Live In
The Boxes We Still Live In
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