Dear You - Personal Development & Mental Health

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How to become more self aware and deal with triggers

by Nabeelah Munshi
July 27th 2021

Triggers are your teachers. After a certain point, now, I usually get excited when something triggers me because I know there's something to heal. 

And when I heal from that, I can be... More

Hi and welcome to the episode of Deer. You thank you for listening. Also if you haven't left me a review rating yet, please do so would really, really appreciate it. And if you want to find my instagram, you can't at the ballot up country. So today I have a very, very fun episode because um it's about triggers and don't tell me you've never been triggered by anything before because if you tell me that, I don't know either you're really, really not self aware or either you're lying to me because that's just crazy, right? Because I guess everybody gets triggered. Um so um okay, first disclaimer moving into this that sometimes the trigger has nothing to do with you. Not every single time, it's like, oh my God, that's something in me because there are people who are genuinely, you know, just not good people. And so for example, if somebody's like misbehaving or something's going on or they're like kind of, you know, doing wrong things and that triggers you, of course, you know, you have all the right to be triggered by that, like, if somebody misbehaves and things like that, totally fine, but um if there are things that are being said to you and you get triggered by them, either that or some people trigger you um so first if they're actually genuinely bad people, but what is good or bad, like, okay, if they trigger you because they're like, robbing somebody or like, killing some people that like totally makes sense, right, because that's just wrong, but if they're triggering because either they're like super outspoken or they're super confident or they're like, what else?

Um I know they're super out there if you want to say they're super open, whatever you wanna call it, you know, if they're triggering you, there's some, there's something in you that it can be such a good teacher, like your triggers are your teachers? This is a statement that I've always lived with and I think because I'm so self reflective, it's like honestly it's annoying at some point. It self reflective I am. But um I've always learned that every single time things are triggering you, they're trying to teach you something other than the part where I already said like the disclaimer that some people are just, you know, could be that they're just bad people. Um, so um this other day, um I was with someone and you know, he said something that really triggered me and first I was like why is this triggering me? Is there some truth to it, even though I genuinely think that was a false claim, but is there truth to it? And and so I came home and I was like, wow, you know, that really, really triggered me.

and I also realized that that that person like you know the lesson kind of keeps repeating until you decide to learn so I am not sure about this, I'm sorry, you know, I wish I could clearly tell you that this is the truth of the world and you know like a lot of people claim things and they're like this is the truth that this is how it is done like blah blah blah, but I can't do that because obviously I don't know the ultimate truth. Um however, something that I've noticed or something that I've read and something that I I believe in is that if you have a lesson to learn or if you have something in you that needs to be healed, it will always be shown to you like around like in your surroundings, like it'll be like mirrored to you by people, it'll be mirrored to, it will just be triggered inside of you because it's ready to be like healed already to be looked into and um so like I can say they know when you first go therapy, it's like okay, you know you're on the top zone of your traumas or like all the shortcomings and stuff, but then I've generally found this and this is seriously, it's been so true for me because um you have all these like first layers of all these problems, traumas and everything and then when you resolve those, like for example for me it could have been like oh I wasn't accepting my body or things like that, you know?

Um and then you kind of go back to your child and you're like no how did um growing up um and my family kind of provoked perfectionism and how is that showing up right now in my life blah blah, all these things, so you heal that and everything and then you go to like in that healing takes you deeper into another zone of healing because the blankets being removed, just imagine us okay, like it's not something that I said um really humans are like onions, the more you peel, there are more layers underneath, so there's really like more layers underneath every single time. So anyway um so I feel like I've come and I've come to like such a deep, deep, deep you know healing point where I'm dealing with like my culture and how I was raised and like all these things and now I'm like really deep in there, which is really interesting and also one of the other aspects that I think have been showing up for me like okay have you ever had this?

Tell me if you have, because I would be uh I wouldn't be surprised that you have this one person to, for example, you had a really turbulent past with your ex, Okay. And this relationship was, like, just very, very turbulent, and after that you attracted another person with a different name, a different phase, but they were doing the same things and then you leave them and then you attract another person, you know, with a different name in a different phase, doing the same thing to you. Um it's actually because you haven't learned the lesson yet, and so the universe is like, kind of just sending you um these people to teach you, I guess, you know, and until you learn that freaking lesson, they're not going to go. And this is, like, the most trickiest thing, but also quite interesting to me, at least, like it kind of makes me feel like, you know, and I can promise you this too, that when you do he'll, those parts of you, you attract better people, you attract different things.

And though I haven't reached a point where I'm not triggered by anything, I don't know, I feel like I wouldn't be human at that point if that ever happened. But there's like, then you come into some other things. So, so for example, if you're on instagram and a post triggers you or someone triggers you, and um it's mainly because there could be two reasons, you know, I mean there could probably be more, but there are two reasons that I'm aware of, that. They could be. First one could be that you're hiding that part of you or that desire to be like that inside of you and you're not allowing yourself to be that person, so you're hating on that person because they're doing what you want to be doing. So for example, if that person is really confident and really like out there really like, you know, taking up the space and you get triggered, you get triggered by that, it's because you want to be that person, so you know, it's not fair to lie to yourself and say, oh I'm just triggered because that person so annoying. No, because you know, you want to be like that person.

So first 2nd, another thing that could be is that if I see someone and I have a very good example for this one because if you see someone and they trigger you, it could also because you haven't forgiven that past version of yourself that was quite like them. For example, when I was living with my ex roommate, she she was like I don't know how to say it, like she was really like she would baby talk with her boyfriend, she was really all about her boyfriend, she just put her life on hold for him every day, she was just like too much, you know she just lost herself in him, she was always fighting with him, always crying with him always talking to him. It was like she didn't know herself, she didn't know her life and it was just him and you know that was it and they were always fighting and it was like awful and to be honest every single time I would hear her baby talk with her boyfriend I would get so triggered like I would get so triggered, it was insane how triggered I would get and I would be like why am I so triggered by this, what is going on, like what is happening?

So um I had a talk with a friend and um she's a psychologist and I was like telling her about like yeah damn like she traders me so much. Like I just get so angry inside of my heart when I hear all these things and when I see her doing so many things from her boyfriend who doesn't appreciate her and she was like Nabila, where is that version of yourself in the past that you haven't forgiven? You were probably like her at that point at some point and she's reflecting you and since you haven't forgiven or accepted that version of yourself, you're just so triggered by it and you know obviously this was so true because um I was in a long relationship and I was quite like that and um when we broke up and you know my whole reality shifted and I was like, no, you know, it's not all about finding the one person, Yeah, you know, they can be part of your life, then a lot of my identity shifted from that version, and I started hating myself not hating my sorry, I've always loved myself, love myself, I'm really, really great, but I hated that version of myself for that past self where I was, you know, I was just about somebody else, and I didn't take that time for me, I didn't use it for myself, I kind of rejected myself at that point, and I was just about this person and I was doing all these things and blah, blah, blah, and I was like, it wasn't worth it, I guess.

So, I hadn't kind of accepted that, and basically, you know what it said about me at that point was that I was so lost and so helpless that I would just, you know, make somebody else my entire life and I got triggered. So now, even now when I see people who make somebody else, well now I'm okay actually, now I don't mind because now I have like a very good boundaries and now I have a very healthier perspective on relationships and love and everything like that, but after that, when I would see girls, especially girls who didn't have their own life, who didn't really do something, who didn't really know who they were and they were just about a guy, or they were just obsessing about a guy the whole time, and they weren't setting boundaries. Yes, that's the one that thing that I want to say that I was I did not forgive myself because I hadn't set really, really healthy boundaries at that time. So her, so my ex roommates unhealthy boundaries with her boyfriend were triggering me so much because I wasn't able to make peace with it because not having those healthy boundaries it really hurt me a lot.

And so you know I went to hypnotherapy and you know I do a lot of hypnotherapy and um it's amazing hypnotherapy or meditation where you can go back to certain parts of yourself. And I'm also doing MDR now which um which is quite similar. You go back to your past selves and you integrate them. I think I think E. M. D. R. Has been very very powerful because in hypnotherapy you go back, you make peace with your inner child, you do all these things. But in the M. D. Are you kind of you know my therapist is amazing to be honest, I just want to say like she is incredible because she makes sure to integrate those parts in me. So we would come back to the present or she would she would ask me where can this? Um And you know I've discovered so many different selves of myself, it's incredible like the one who was who hid the pain of my grandfather's death um and he was like grieving inside and um and you know when I resolved that part of me there was something inside of me that was like so at peace.

I cannot tell you how amazing this work is. Am there are like literally recommended all the time because I just think it just changed my life a lot. Um even though I like I think I've done so many healing things are so many spiritual things along the way that have helped me understand or get to that level, but I. M. D. R. Has been by far the most powerful and something that I've stuck to, and I've also stuck to hypnosis, like hypnotherapy. Um but in hypnotherapy I just find Youtube videos or meditations or something to um and I have like past courses or instructors that I was with that I have their lessons that I can still like listen to if something comes up. So other than that so you know you and wow I was about to suddenly start speaking my language for no reason. But anyway so um anyway um okay so then you kind of go back to your past self, you know, you see the so you see that moment where you were either triggered or you kind of rejected yourself another part where I had rejected myself other than just my grandfather's um death where I did not process the pain and my entire life up till up till like 25.

I didn't really know that I was actually upset because I would always just like look at his pictures and I'd be like, you know it to be used to live with him, you were the closest person to him. How are you not sad? How did not hurt you? And I was like maybe it just didn't hurt me, maybe just you know, whatever. But you know, after a while you realize that your brain just kind of protected you from that pain and stuff like that because I just wasn't able to handle at that time because I was really young. And um and so like I finally processed it, which is incredible. You know, like sometimes I think wow what if I was never doing M. D. Or what if I never was doing all these things that my whole life would be um would be ruled by all these things and now I feel like I'm living a very very authentic life where I'm very aware of a lot of things that are happening inside of me and why they're happening inside of me, maybe I haven't completely integrated them and resolve them, but I have this kind of um self knowledge where I know that it's you know it's not somebody else, it's me and I I can tell when it's me and when somebody else is just being a jerk, you know basically and another part that another self that came up and you know these are the past selves that usually generate the triggers of right now.

So if you have any um emotions that are triggered in your body or you know you have emotional responses to something, They're not because it just happened right here right now. This person said this to you, it's not about the surface, it's never about the surface. Everything is so much deeper than the surface. So it's probably something that happened in your childhood or something that happened earlier, Like, for example, um obviously my breakup wasn't in my childhood, but it was something that deeply deeply hurt me. So um so obviously there was a part of me that felt really sad, and so there's so many things, so we also uncovered like a past self when I was in high school or something, and you know, I was overweight and um I kind of felt like I kind of felt like not accepted and you know, people would make fun of me or things like that, but then when I came back like a year or two later and I don't know, I think I just grew taller so I was like in better shape because I just grew taller and everyone was like about me but you know internally I was I was still rejecting that part of me that was overweight.

Which is not a very healthy thing to do you know because you want to go back and give that part because if I'm rejecting that part of me if I'm not feeling like that part of me like I'm missing out on like a lot of good things that that part had to offer as well so I have to go back. So and my M. D. R. Therapy as well. We went back to that part and you know we we integrated that part of me um in my body now so if you're not like very um into the stuff maybe some of the stuff is so hard to understand, but I'm so sure that a one day or the other, it'll make so much sense to you because I just want to say one thing about triggers, I'm gonna make this such short episode. Um But um when I first started therapy Very, very first time I went to therapy when I was in California and I was 17 or 18. Um and I went in and I was like talking about something and it was like about my ex or something and my therapist looked at me and said you know when something triggers me or makes me angry, I know that it's not about them, it's about me and I'm going to inquire within why it's about me and you know at that point I was so young that I was like what kind of bullshit is that like?

No. Yeah. It's that person who made you mad. It's their fault. And at that time it was just sounded so bizarre to me. I was like, what? No, it's their fault. It's not your fault is they're making mad, um, they're doing something wrong. And, um, and now I see the wisdom of that, you know, of that thought that my therapist at that time shared with me, I don't know why, but I was walking today and I just came to my mind. I was like, whoa, that's so true. Like he said that one time. So, yeah, so that's something. And again, I have no idea, um, why I'm so self reflective. But if you're kind of like that, maybe you'll probably find peace in this. But also when you see your triggers, you you shouldn't judge yourself for them and know that you aren't your thoughts, you aren't your experiences, you aren't your past, your you know, you're just, you're just you, but like, you're not all those things, your passes and define you, you have to separate yourself from all these, um, all these experiences that you go through in life, because ultimately at the deepest purest level, you're very, very pure and you're very like, you're a very good person.

So that's also one of the reasons why I never judge somebody, or I can never hold a grudge towards somebody because I feel like a lot of things like maybe experiences have shaped um shaped some people into doing things that aren't right, but, you know, you can't kind of still there sudden compassion in me for them. But again, this was a little short episode to tell you that if you are thinking about or looking into developing more self awareness, um, knowing or kind of your, like wondering how to escalate or take your spiritual journey forward. Pay attention to your triggers, pay attention to the things that really, really trigger you and ask yourself why they trigger you. And so that's like one of the things, you know, you got yourself aware and then you accept them. So for example, if if I was like, oh you know what she like for example, like I told you my story of my extra made, she used trigger me and I was like okay, I accepted that I was at some point like her and it's not me anymore, but at some point I was like her and I didn't like that aspect of myself, I didn't like that, I was like that and um and now I'm kind of like triggered by people like that or who play victims, I get so triggered by people who play victims because at some point in my life I probably played the victim and and so I I have acceptance for it and then there's another part which is integration.

So integration usually happens so this is a three part step you know so integration usually can happen through hypnosis or you know inner child work or E. M. D. R. And stuff like that. Yeah so that's because really when you can go back into your subconscious level and change your thought patterns from there. So for example if you come up with um so if you go back to your childhood and you go back to that scenario where for example like I said like okay I was kind of like that. So the only reason why that part triggered me was because I was really hurt after my breakup with my ex. So I would probably go back to that time when I broke up with my ex and I was really, really hurt, see that part of myself accepted, acknowledge it and tell it, you know it's okay and um and hug her and accept her and then that's quite like moving towards integration and yeah and slowly but surely your triggers kind of disappear.

But then something new comes up and when it's time when it's time for you to heal something new in your life or you're supposed to and I feel like it's a very exciting thing to be honest. So I think you should be very very excited when you come across a trigger because it means that you're ready for the next level. You're literally ready for the next level of you, the next level of your life. So I get really really excited about him. And recently um I'm not ready yet to say what came up, but something very, very, very interesting came up and I am so excited to explore it and I'm really, really excited because I know it's going to be something very huge and something as an aspect of myself that I've quite like hidden for a while, which is like coming out, which is very, very exciting to me and it's fun. So yeah, so that's pretty much all, I'm just gonna wrap it up and tell you three things that I just mentioned, three things of like the integration of your um triggers, kind of like resolution of your triggers. Okay, so the first one is definitely self awareness. Self awareness is already there when you are triggered and you realize that you got triggered.

And sometimes it could be people who are just being assholes and sometimes it could be you just not acknowledging something that's within us. For example, if somebody says something to you and there's some form of truth in there, it might trigger you or there might just be being jerks because there was something that somebody said to me last last week or something and that kind of was like, I was just like, no, that's rude. That's just really rude. Um, and so that's okay. And the second part is to um okay, so you have the self awareness, then you have the acceptance. Okay? So then you accept it. You know, you're like, all right, this is this is really actually true. I face the truth. I will not lie to myself and I will not run. I will not blame anybody else. This is actually the truth. So you have to accept it from your heart. This is also really, really hard um to accept and have forgiveness for yourself. So just, you know when you when you see it, So for example, if you think that you got jealous of somebody, just say, okay, you know what I feel, you have to acknowledge it literally just say it like in your mind or if you're alone, like just say it a lot if you want to know that's weird to say it on your mind.

So um, to say in your mind like it's okay, I feel jealous, you have to name the feeling like okay, I feel jealous or I feel angry I had this and it's okay, it's totally okay, I'm human and I'm allowed to feel that way and it's totally fine. So you accept it, and the third is being curious about it. So then you can kind of use different techniques, different things. Um, my preferred one would be hypnotherapy, um, because that's just amazing. Um, and you can find a lot of versions on Youtube about it. So, so yeah, so that's that's all I have for you today and I hope you really enjoyed it. Um, and again, please don't forget to leave me. Review rating would really, really appreciate it. Also, you can find me on instagram at the time and she and have a nice day by II

How to become more self aware and deal with triggers
How to become more self aware and deal with triggers
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