Disabled Girls Who Lift

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E32: Medication, Marijuana, and the Gym (Panel of Spoons)

September 7th 2020

The panel of spoons convenes from across America to discuss all things prescription medication and marijuana. We talk about scheduling training sessions, symptom management, stigma, shitty doctors,... More

this is disabled girls who lift. We are reclaiming what's rightfully ours one podcast at a time, it's mary Beth Chloe and Marcia bringing you the thoughts and unpopular topics to get you out of that? A bliss comfort zone. Welcome folks to another episode of disabled girls who lift, we have volume two panel of spoons, we're talking about chasing gains while we're always in pain. So you know who I am, I'm dr Garcia, I am in south florida is a land of the Seminole tribe. I'm going to introduce each Panelist so you could kind of attach names to voices. First up in no particular order. We have Ashley from Tacoma Washington. How's it going? We have Andrea from Melbourne florida. Hello, We have joe from Detroit currently in colorado springs. Hi guys and we have shrapnel from san Jose California high and Ryan from roanoke Virginia. Hell. So this part one of two, we're really gonna focus on prescription meds and cannabis because there's a lot of conversation to have there and a lot of experiences, I'm sure we'll get through.

And in our conversations for people that are listening, disclosure is not necessary. We really don't give a sh it what people have or don't have if they disclose that they do. If they don't they don't So don't come on this page and ask us what people have fun cough. So anyways, my first question to everyone is number one, have you ever felt guilty for needing prescription medication and number two, have you ever felt like somebody was just shoving any prescription medication at you two big questions. Probably. No. So it's fun. So I don't know if it's the same in Tacoma. It's very hard. It's funny because we have so many addictions to prescriptions here. But for me, I have never, it's really hard for me to get it even. I mean, I don't really get pain meds, but just like predniSONE, I've had a hard time getting and apparently people abuse it. I don't know why they would want to, but apparently lets us thing.

So, but other than that, I'm not, I don't know, I've never had that problem. There's Ryan, tell us what what would someone get out of? How do you abuse, what are they getting out of it? Um They can use it. So if you take a lot of criticism, it kind of gives you that ramped up feeling, It makes your heart beat faster, it makes you feel really high. Not really high, but if you mix that, yeah, it's a stimulant and so if you mix it with other stimulants or mix it with other kinds of pain medications, um it's just going to give you more of an up feeling, okay, Yeah, you don't see a lot of steroids, but it exists, okay. Apparently it's popping in Tacoma, right? Yeah, that's all I got for that. I don't know, you're in the complete opposite. You never really felt guilty of it. You're like, hey, I need it. Well, I used to be addicted to prescriptions too. So it's like, you know what I mean? So it's like, it's hard for me to want to take prescription. So if somebody doesn't is kind of acting weird about it, it doesn't bother me because I'm like, I'd rather not have it anyways, you know what I mean?

It's just like Yeah, exactly. So maybe that's just, yeah, I'm a different perspective, but if anybody is like has issues getting medications for an illness they have, that's like not an opioid or anything like that, it just doesn't make sense to me at all. So I was gonna say, oh sorry, go ahead. I was gonna say Ashley, do you have, I feel like we're both pretty heavily tattooed, Do you think that has something to do with like uh like a positions issue with you trying to get your medication or not because I feel like maybe, I don't know, I've had him for so long that I don't really pay attention and that whole punk rock lifestyle and it's like my bands and stuff like that. I have no idea, I'm in the same. So I've never, I've been taking prescription medication since I was three or four years old, so it was never going to the pharmacy was never anything weird or anything that has to be, to feel a shape or I actually have a different experience.

I feel like um when I was first going through my health issues, the doctors were just trying to use anything to treat this symptom and that symptom and that symptom, there was not one pill that fit all, you know, so I had to try and air so many different medications and I was, I was young at the time when I first started and even up until this day I've just been put through, I felt honestly like a lab rat being, you know, put through meds that they didn't even know for 100% certain was going to treat the symptoms I was having. It was, it was all trial and error. And so personally, I feel like I got to a point where I was taking probably 15 pills a day, not any opioids actually just beta blockers and other other prescriptions for heart heart rate or blood pressure, et cetera. And I got to a point where I did feel I'm not sure guilty is the word per se, but I felt Maybe maybe like pity me, like I got to do this, I gotta wake up and and take these pills. Like, you know, I'm 80 years old when I'm 30 and it's so I don't want to say it's a guilt feeling.

Um definitely more of a pity party feeling, but I recently stopped all my prescription pills um all at one time about a month and a half ago without going through my doctors, which I will not advise anybody to do, okay, don't don't do just I'm just broke my nurse brain. My nurse. I know, you know, I've been on all of these prescriptions for so long that I knew I knew enough to, I didn't just go cold turkey. I, you know, what is it called, taper down. They taper down and I did it the right way. However, I did not consult my doctors because honestly, I just felt like over it, just over it. If that makes any sense. I think anybody and you guys can probably relate to that feeling. You just fell over. I didn't want to talk to my doctor about it. I'm tired of the doctors and the pharmacy telling me, you know what to take and how to feel, you know? And so I just, I just stopped.

And to be honest, it was really hard at first was really, really hard. I was really tired. Um, really lethargic and I went through a lot of other side effects. But I will say today I feel so damn good y'all. Like I feel so good. I have my symptoms everyday still and I do get I. V. Infusion still every two weeks. But as far as prescription medication, I think I'm done and I'm not really sure that I'm going to let the doctors convinced me to go back on anything. Yeah. Yeah. I get all of that. And that's the reason I ask the question the way that I did because that's been, my experience is on like the person to person and I felt shameful. I felt guilty. I'm young. I'm healthy. I shouldn't have to take pills. Or someone would say, well, have you tried anything natural? Like, all right. Have you tried this? That's natural. You know, like people would hammer to me that, oh, you're putting things in your body and you shouldn't. But then there's this huge, huge difference when I go to the doctors and they're just like, try this, try that, try this, try that.

They didn't work 300 more up this up that so person to person, it's like, try something natural. Maybe you shouldn't do it. And then when I go to the Doctor's office, it's like you said it, I'm elaborate. So you sit in the middle of that, like, what the funk am I supposed to do? Yeah. And honestly, you know, out of the 12 prescriptions plus that I was on, I still felt horrible everyday. Exactly. Exactly. So to me, it just wasn't worth, it wasn't worth it. I'd rather feel horrible and not have all these random pills in my system. Yeah, trivia. Can you guys um, yeah. Can I feel that like pity party thing for sure. Like I have, I held off on buying a pill organizer for so long because I was like, when I was diagnosed, I was about 2022 then, I mean we're treating just the symptoms. So like I just kept getting worse and worse and worse. We have to take more pills and, you know, just keeps adding up and then eventually got to a point where I'm like, I need to buy a pill organizer, but at the time I was like 24 like what, what the function 24 year old owns one of these, but I got so sick of like, opening bottles every night that I was like, you know what, I'm gonna buy one and now I guess I feel that just kind of like once a week when I just have to prepare like, meal prep my pills basically, but it's still just, it's like annoying.

I'm like, why, why am I doing this? Like, this is stupid. I hate this. I like that idea though of having the pill organizer organizer and feeling less. Um Yeah, we feel that feeling once a week as opposed to everyday you're opening up this. Yeah, totally. Like, it definitely like that, it helps my morale a lot around that. Like, at least, you know, I still feel it, but it's like at least only once a week now and taking the pills. Just a matter of just like, gulping them down at this point rather than being like, okay, two of you and one of you and three of you or whatever the else. Yeah, I know for me it's been, it depends on the doctor, I go to like, new specialists are always a pain in the ass because they see like, this seemingly fit person roll into their waiting room and they're like, uh they see my med list, like, yeah, it looks like a seven year old woman. I know. And then because I'm a nurse, I'm constantly like, Taking care of patients that are in their 90s and they look great and they're on no meds. It's like, the more meds you're on the sticker, you are.

Oh my God, I got pulled over at the airport last year when I went to India because on top about my normal minutes, I had I had pneumonia. So I had this like, shitload of antibiotics also in my carry on and the drug dog pulled me over and I'm just like, holy sh it are you kidding? This is terrible to take out this, like, big gas bag of all my meds and ma'am, what is this? I'm like, my name is on every single one of those, like, nothing sketchy is going on. Guys, just let me have my pneumonia to explain, right? I had a specialist once that literally, like, he had no idea how to treat me at all. Even though like this, he was supposed to be, it was a rheumatologist who just feel like my main doc and I go in there and he saw me twice, and at one point legitimately hand and he just a list of medications and told me to go home and pick out which ones I wanted him to order me. I'm like, I'm sorry. Uh is this because I'm a nurse? Like, what is happening where we had I didn't see him again.

I was like, I so my yeah, that's some shit. I've definitely had the nurses, so the doctors that shove anything in my way, but I've definitely had the nurses and like, that person that's doing the vitals and like, okay, what do you here for that? Uh are you still taking this correct? I've definitely had people that were like, you're taking how many muscle relaxing? Like, I tried that once, and I almost like, you know, all of that, like, I don't know what you're saying, the things that you're saying, but it's not helpful. You know what's crazy, too, is a lot of times, like, in my experience anyway, when I've gone to the er or something like that, I'm in the hospital and they're going down my meds list and let's say I'm there for something related to my illness, but let's say it's really painful and I don't actually have a prescription of opioids at home. But when I go to the hospital, right, I have a list of all these other prescriptions, but it's for my heart, my love my screens for all those for my organs, but they have such a hard time giving me anything for pain, and I don't like, I have cats too, but I, you know, I never really thought about that being an issue, but you know, it's just so weird to me that I have literally list of this many meds, but then when I go to the er and I need a one time, like, painkiller, they literally fight me on it.

It's wild. I love is when the family um you know, it was like, how does all happen to you? Like, you, no, no, no, no, no one in the family has a position, like, I bet the entire damn family has something or there's something up there and just never got diagnosed like this. She doesn't pop up out of nowhere and like, you know, consolidated with me. Yeah, no same. And, and in my culture, you know, you know, you respect your elders, your elder is not going to be like, oh, I went to the doctor yesterday and this is what they found, like, know every day that you see your uncle and your aunt, they're gonna be like, I'm good, do your homework, That's a conversation. So, hell yeah, these people have everything. Of course, I don't believe this ship for a second. Um the pain pill thing I know in florida is a huge deal, and they're working so hard for the opioid crisis and I know it's national, but as far as florida goes, I know it's absolutely trashed for the people that actually need it because they just figure that you're just seeking, so, like, when my mom was dying literally dying from leukemia, they didn't want to give her opioids and it got to the point where she had to look the doctor in the face and said you really won't give a dying woman pain medication.

And he was literally like, dropped his pen left the room and wrote the prescription. What the fuck? Like I understand that there are people with a problem, but now you're creating a second problem opposite experience with opioids. Like after my knee surgery. I and the recovery of my first words like when I was waking up we're hopeful holy funk, I'm in so much pain. Um And I tried Vicodin for like wisdom tooth surgery and stuff, I don't react well to it, so I'm very you know, just give me Tylenol if possible. Um And I remember the nurse, like she saw me like being in pain, she was like, oh I'll take care of all. Just so she was like about to push something up ivy and I'm like, oh what is that? Oh it's fentaNYL, I'm like um is there anything else I can have? Um you know, she's like, no it's clean, don't worry, like it's fine. It's like I I really don't want, no it's fine. Like you're still under you know, a lot of drugs, like we'll just give this to you, I'm like I'm looking back, I'm just like that's so fucking problematic that I literally said I don't want fentaNYL.

Shut up my vein and you gave that to me anyway. What about the fuck? Yeah, we can't win. You can't get what you want or they give you what you don't want. Yeah, the pain contract issue. It's a huge issue in Virginia as well, just because of the epidemic. And as, like, health care professionals, the doctors have the hardest time with it because they're getting dinged every time they prescribe opiates. So if they have an over prescription, then they're not going to get paid as much. But then you have these patients who actually, you know, need them and the doctor can't prescribe them or they send them to a pain clinic to get under pain management and that in pain management contracts are so strict that, you know, say you're in pain management for whatever your diagnosis is, and then you go and break your ankle and you go to the er well, you're in pain management and that's great, and if they were to give you something at the er for that broken ankle, which is, you know, a new acute problem, it's still going to break that pain contract and you get dropped by your clinic, so it's nobody wins when it comes to that at all.

Yeah, no, that makes no sense. I'm curious. Um But I'm wondering if anybody has had to actually coordinate their training around their meds, whether or not because I know there are some people in some disorders where you do uh infusions or injections or there's also pills. So we're not just talking about pills. Think about everything. How does that work when you're trying to train? I definitely have, when I was taking all my prescriptions, I had to coordinate, definitely. My infusions would be the number one thing that I had to fit into my training regimen because I get into every two weeks. And so by let's say, four days before I'm due again, my body is literally shutting back down again. And that's usually when I'm like at my peak of my training for the week. And so I've actually had to kind of completely changed my training schedule around my infusion schedule. So that way I'm getting my infusion, like let's say the day before I do events, you know, or something like that. And then as far as prescription pills personally I take or I was taking salt tablets and stuff like that and those are I think you as well take those.

And um that's something that I would take during my training. Yeah, I just started taking that fit aid recovery after my training and it works really well. So I don't know if that's like, I guess that's not a prescription, but uh I noticed that if I take my medication in the morning and I'll kind of get nausea in the middle of it. And so I'll try to just drink this like weird supplement that I found in like a gains box that I got. And it like it made me feel really good, you know what I mean? Like I didn't have any sugar in or anything. So I mean that's all I think I feel like my pre workout right now is albuterol. Just take a couple hits of my healer just to make sure I don't, you know. Uh But then before so I'm on every six months infusion. And before that I was doing three times weekly injections and I would have to um coordinate where I would put them and I had to do a lot on my legs.

So they would leave these really big bulks. That would hurt really bad. So if I was like cleaning or snatching or whatever, watch out for that. But thankfully that the infusion there's no um not too many side effects. I'm usually a little rowdy the day of the day after just because of a rule that they give you. But mostly it's just my as when they have to really watch out for our um confusions I. V. I. G. It just sounds very similar to mine. Um Oh no it's okay I'm not over this so it's a popular yeah that's what mine is. Oh cool. Yeah. Yeah it's a little different but yeah. Yeah I love it. I have an infusion. I have my appointment tomorrow to get not pretty certified preauthorized preauthorized the medication that I'm already prescribed, get authorization every time I get confusion. But yeah, do for wanted. I'm, I'm feeling that I do for a while for sure.

So it's, I'm like picturing every, everyone always has those epic like, oh, I'm about the dead lift doing some crazy rule. Yeah. And then they're like sniff ammonia salts and they're like, like a picture with her inhaler and said like, you need to make a Tiktok of that. Oh my gosh, yes. Please get you anyone else with training. And meds have to wait 30 minutes after taking my medication too, you know, consume anything of nutritional substance. So I, I strongly prefer training in the mornings. Um, but that time window makes it a little impractical. I guess it's like really, it's a very minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things. Just like training in the morning for me makes it so that, you know, I am a morning person. I have more energy in the mornings. I not yet dealt with the bullshit of the day. I'd rather just lift and have the energy to do it.

But I have to, if I want to make that happen, I have to wake up more early than I want to be a lake so I can have my meds and then have some food, have my pre workout and at that point I have such a small window to train before. I have to get to work that I've just recently for them. I mean, not recently for the past couple of years had to just bite the bullet? I'm going to train this afternoon. Yeah, first you're going to go today, like it's going to happen. Um And I've also had to learn to be okay with, say, my body just says like, no, you've had enough for the day. Like I've had to be okay with, okay, maybe we stay home today, you know, maybe we don't have to feel guilty about it, but we're gonna stay home today. Like, it's it's been weirder for me that transition. I mean, yeah, that's definitely something that I've had to deal with, especially just because when I was working as a nurse on the floor, you know, my job was also a workout, so I had to tailor my um when I was lifting, especially before I was the wheelchair to okay, do I have to work a shift today and I working a shift tomorrow? All right, well, I can't do legs because I need to have like at least a whole day to recover if I'm going to try to do, like, there's a whole scheduling nightmare to the point where I finally, like I just stopped lifting because it was just making my mental health so awful and it turns out, you know, it wasn't the lifting that was making my mental health awful.

It was just this constant, like, battle of, okay, do I work? Do I lift? Do I like do I, how do I coordinates like the allocation of spoons thing? Yeah, absolutely, precisely. Yeah. My hardest thing was the exact same thing was, you know, having to be okay with the days where I'm like, well, you know what, my body just can't do it today, It's just and since I've kind of adjusted to that and I started just kind of working out when I felt like I could um I'm feeling like a whole lot better and my meds, um I have issues with digestion, so I have to kind of tailor it around. Okay, do I have enough sugar today? Am I going to pass out in front of lots of people for the 47 millionth time, things like that, where it's just like listening to your body and not, you know, we get told every single day that we're athletes, we're just to push, which was fighting, which must be strong and we're supposed to keep going more and more and more and more. And as someone that's chronically ill, you can't always do that, but that doesn't mean you can't be an athlete sometimes being strong is making the right decision.

Exactly, that's very true. And then we also have to remember like, we're trying to do this at least I think we're trying to do this for our mental health for a sanity for the long haul. So like if you're just chasing instant gratification and you just want to get a number and then you're done with power lifting or lifting or whatever it is, then cool push yourself Pain is just weakness leaving the body, like go for it if you want to do this for a while, you got to play smarter, not harder. Um And I definitely can relate to the digestion thing. Big time. Big time because what are my biggest issues is constipation and so if I don't do everything that I need to do and even if I do everything I need to do might not happen, then that's going to affect my training. Like how am I going to do squats and now it looks like I'm four months pregnant. It doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good. So that's probably one of my bigger problems. So I am curious though. We're talking about meds in general but some people have mentioned it.

Is it new for anyone like newly starting, newly changing or newly stopping? I know Andrea said she's newly stopping but joe said she's been on it forever. Um because you mentioned something about something I had to get used to. So I don't know if this is new for you. Yeah, I was diagnosed in 2016. Um So I spent The greater part of 2017 just kind of like unpacking my ship basically and learning to be human again because I was at a point when I was diagnosed were like going to the kitchen to get a glass of water was like, too much, and I kept falling asleep at work, and it was a whole thing. So, having to change my morning routine to accommodate medication and having to change, like, birth control options, because that's when I went on the arm implant, because I just didn't want to take more pills. So, I stopped my birth control pill, got the implant, and then, like, have been kind of just experimenting with dosages ever since then.

Um, I have gone through a few different dosages of the same medication just to see which one seems to work best. And honestly, I don't know if any of them have, like, been ideal for me yet. Um, but it's not, like, super new anymore. It's just not something I ever anticipated in my childhood. I feel like none of us ever really did wasn't on the vision board, that's for sure. No, no, it wasn't. But speaking of birth control, I actually forgot about that, because most of us are vagina Havers, birth control is a huge problem for me also. So, I used to do like, the NuvaRing, you just shove it up there, you just, like, forget about it for a couple weeks. And then after a while, I would just bleed forever for always. And so, they were like, oh, okay. And that's when I first figured out I had arrhythmia is awesome, and they were like, oh, maybe you shouldn't take this. It's not, it's kind of a risk. I'm like, all right, fine. And then that's when things started getting worse. It's the first time that I stopped and I would be bleeding literally every two weeks for like, a week straight.

Then I get, like, a week off back to and there was no fibroids, there's no sis, there's no nothing. It's the classic. We did all the tests, but you're fine. And so I definitely got on that hop around birth control movement and I've been all over the place right now I'm off. But that affects my training greatly because whenever I'm all over the place, irregular, absolute ship, like, everything is just absolute ship. There's no training whatsoever. So I'm not sure what everyone else has experienced. Birth control wise girls, but I'm with you on that one is the arm implant. Fuck my Shut up. It was bad. Am I allowed to swear, Is that okay? Okay, arm implant was like, a no go for me. And no doctor, believe me until, like, the doctor I have now, who I just don't want to let go of because she is a godsend. But Everyone else, like, Oh, yeah, no, like, research shows that this shouldn't be causing any symptoms. And I'm like, research shows that I, a 22 year old woman shouldn't be having any of these symptoms either, but you can tell me, I don't know.

So, I finally gave up on that. I switched to the it's not the marina you because that one just didn't fit. It's the the size I think. Like I kylie kylie knows him like that. Um And like so far so good. Um It's just annoying this like another thing to think about. Well don't wanna I even want to do that. They will like convince you that. Oh well if you want to have kids then you can't get an I. U. D. Like that's basically what I've been told by most of what I know. Yeah. Let me fight somebody big O. I. U. D. Proponent. I have had two different ones and been on him since I've had an I. V. Since 20 no 2009. Um Yeah because there I didn't want to like you said I want to take any more pills. I was bad enough remembering the pills that I had and I'm a scatterbrained person anyway and you know sometimes you just learned quick funk that you don't wanna prepare for. Like the I was on para guard first which doesn't have any hormones which is awesome.

But if you already have awful cramps it's going to worsen everything and you will bleed more and all this stuff. So I finally went on marina because I was accused like I don't know I don't like the idea of not having periods that that freaks me out a little bit and now I'm like God bless America this is great. But as far as we're not having kids there's several different ones and there's a few of them that you can use while you're still breastfeeding there. That super natural and hormone low. And there are great alternatives for women who just had a baby that want to be on birth control but don't want to have anything like that would affect the child and they're awesome because even the ones with hormones if you decide you want to get pregnant you take them out and that day you are good to go like you don't have to wait for those hormones to go through your system because the way those hormones are absorbed. I have personally had a bad experience with the marina. Um I E D. I did the pills thing for a while too and I was the same with you. I just wasn't reliable enough to to do that that.

So I went with the marina and I had a bad experience that attached apparently inside of me and they had to take it out in like pieces. Um So I know everybody's different so I'm not I'm not ragging on the marina. It just didn't work for me personally. But it's just another in my opinion it's just another medication that everybody has to go through trial and airport. So really honestly if someone is listening that's not someone who has to take a bunch of prescription medications for for an illness or an ailment. You know, if they can relate in one way it would probably be to try and different birth controls. I'm just like done. I just I'm not on anything, I've done the bills. I'm not I. E. D. S. The idea of it just freaked me out. I don't even like a new pap smear. It's just, I just don't even, why wouldn't you want a pap smear? I mean, who doesn't want to pass? Who doesn't love the feel of gold medal? She's great. So yeah, I'm on just queer sex.

Just go, don't have to worry about it. It sounds good. Huh? Um So does anyone have anything else to add about prescriptions? We talked about pain pills, we talked about uh stigma a little bit and then birth control, Are we missing anything before we start talking about weed? I feel like I got and I don't know if this is because I'm in colorado, but I met a lot of people that have the same condition as me and nobody I've met is on any prescriptions and I forgot to mention that because it made me feel weird for being on prescriptions and then I'll ask about, you know what their symptoms are and all this and that. And it really seems to me that there is such a big difference between my symptoms and their symptoms and I try to, you know, talk to them and I get with, you know, everyone has certain reasons for not taking any medication, but it's just, I just haven't met a lot of people with my condition that are anything, which for me, you know, my condition is like a relapse can happen at any moment and it's really terrifying.

So the risk kind of outweigh the rewards, outweigh the risks for me, I think. But I'm on a group for my uh, vasculitis and everybody else takes way more medication than I do. Like, everybody else seems very, I seem very well off and I don't feel well off. But compared to them and all the problems that they have. I'm just like, holy crap dude, you're on all these medications, like, and they're my age sometimes younger. Yeah, it's just, yeah, it's kind of confusing. I don't know, I can't do those groups anymore when I first got diagnosed and my doctor is like, oh, you know, join all these support groups and all this and that and I did. And it's so stressful and it's just hate just not insensitive, but it's just like a bunch of crimes. Yeah, I have the one, but I haven't met anybody. Like, I've never met anybody with machetes. I've never met them. I've never heard of anybody with it.

And so it was cool to be able to, you know, just kind of like, make sure I'm not weird or, you know, like, sometimes people think sometimes I think I might be faking and I'm like, you know what I mean? It's just so it's like, it's cool to be on this, but it's also kind of cool just because I'm like, obviously I'm doing something right and I don't know what it is, but I'm gonna keep doing it because I don't want, like, the kidney failure and all the stuff that y'all are having over here with this. Like, I'm gonna stay over great groups are good to relate to. But sometimes I think they get a little bit overbearing with, it almost becomes a competition who you and, and I feel, you know, it drives me crazy when I see that because I don't think, I don't think anybody's feelings or you know what they're feeling their body should be downgraded because somebody has, it works. And so I try to steer clear of those groups as much as I can as well, even though it is nice to relate to people. I feel like it turns into people are trying to be everyone else's doctor and trying to figure out where their disease came from and who else's parents, You know, what's a veteran, who else you don't need to even think about it so stressful with the, with the groups, I go to the subreddit for him sometimes and like, it's weird to feel kind of imposter syndrome with a disease that like, you know, affect you, But you know, when I was diagnosed my blood wasn't quite as bad as this person.

So like, am I just um I just sucking week like what, what's the deal? So I, I stopped looking at them for for a while now. It just wasn't worth it to me anymore. I had a really hard ship and you have no one else that knows what the hell you're talking about. You're like, oh you too great, we could talk and then you get on there and you're like, we can't talk, you know, it was two weeks ago, I climbed him out in two weeks ago, 2, 3 weeks ago and it was like 90° heat and I was dying and it was horrible. But I had a great time and I came down and I had like blood pouring down my nose because something about me doing aerobic activity makes me get nose bleeds and it made me feel kind of badass. I'm like, you know, at least I can get out and like not have all these wires and whatnot hooked to me and I can go climb a mountain and like in a nosebleed coming back down and being like, you know, it's the life, what were you going to say? I have had such a hard time with those groups just because um so Alex Danlos and I get these girls that are diagnosed so young and they're like, oh I have idiots.

So I'm looking at all these other instagram people because that's the only place you're going to find people with you. Yes. Um I'm supposed to be getting infusions. I'm supposed to have a porter, I'm supposed to have a feeding to, I'm supposed to supposed to supposed to and they're they're like these 15, 16 year old girls and I'm like nurse spraying screening at these horrible infection sources that I'm just like, you don't want these things, this should be the last thing you're going for. But that kind of community has almost glorified it because it's this yet it's this disease and this is this illness that has kind of taken over your life. But a lot of these girls and boys to can't work. So all they're doing is they're on that instagram there on that community just like seeing what else they can ask their doctors for and then they like come to me and they don't like my answer when I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, none of that. Like I know it's gonna be hard and I know you have to work harder for this, but you can't do this this and this and because of that I got kicked out of a bunch of them and I got told I was faking it sounds like that sounds like christened a um crescendo would get along.

She has like a bucking trove of Reddit trolls. It's great and they all accused her of faking all the time because she said she lifts and whatever else she says, I will say, I will say on that note, um, when I was younger, maybe I wasn't like 16, like those girls. But when I first started off on my journey, I went to those groups and I did, I was one of those people who were like, oh, this person says they're on my address and this person says they're appropriate law and just, you know, maybe I should bring, so I literally would write them down and then I bring it to my doctor and I'd say, look, all these other people who have the same thing around this, this and this. And so I was almost guilty of pushing pills on myself when I first started because I was reading into everybody else's stuff as opposed to just letting the doctor handle it. I mean, who can blame you? Who can blame Yeah, absolutely. If your doctor is not going to do it or not going to suggest or anything or not know what to prescribe then where else you gonna turn? But you know, we're not strangers of, hey, let's try something. Exactly.

Yeah. And you know, it's amazing to me that so I got my marijuana card and florida only medical is legal. There's a whole gatekeeping bullshit. But anyways, I took my stimulus check and I got a card and so you know, I went through all of that and now I'm pretty good. I don't take prescription pain medication or my nerve pain medication or any of that anymore and I'm feeling pretty okay and at this point I'm like, okay, I'm like five years in and not one doctor has ever said to me like, you ever heard about cannabis, like not once that I don't think I thought of his position ever, ever my physician, but he is a different ballgame well and he's and it sucks because I've had him, I don't know how long it's been legal for here to be honest, because it took me a while to actually go into a store because I'm so used to like getting dime bags behind the gas station when I was a teenager. So it took me so long to go into a weed store. And then when I went and I'm like, oh my God, this is ridiculous.

Like, I don't even know where to start. What do I do? Can I just get some weed that gets me high? Like, like what kind of, hi, I'm like, what do you mean? Hi, I just want to hike kind I had, when I got diet, so I got diagnosed with michigan and we was in west michigan, so it was a little bit more conservative. We was like medicinal, but like the state government still thought that CBD was like, it's like a bad thing. So like, these stories will come up in the state, we should have backed down and everything. So, but I was able to get my card after my diagnosis and was in the hospital after my diagnosis. I had asked my doctor because when I first got diagnosed it was just like, what are my options? And I didn't want to go on any sort of um pharmaceutical because of all the side effects and it's not. Um so I looked into a wave because I had already been smoking for years and years and I was like, cool, I can get in the car now.

But I talked to my doctor about CBD products and he told me that CBD isn't real, Just not a thing. Don't even look at it. I don't understand. It must not exist. And I was like, oh no, no, no, that's not real. I was like, okay bro, gosh, neither is your PhD apparently. Yeah, that was the sense on you. Mm um Oh. And I was told that if I smoked weed, it would make my condition progress faster and it would make me. Was that like a real comment on the method or the form in terms of like smoke inhalation or was it just all around student doesn't matter smoking it. There's them. Yeah. So when they told me, so that mask, you know, your brain will shrink twice as fast as I don't know what brain shrinking. But okay, okay.

But if you smoke weed is three times as fast. Your Yeah, I was by my doctor uh paid. Yeah. Yeah. Like sir, can you introduce that study for me? I just, I feel like I'm watching reefer madness in the break room and I don't think so. I'm in California and we've been medicine illegal for for a minute here. But when I first became medicine illegal I was I was in college and this is when I was like starting to feel like my symptoms get worse. Like to a point where my professor that I was researching with, you know, he called me in for a meeting and I was like I was about my research and he called me in for a meeting. He's like, are you okay? You look like shit. So I'm just like, I don't know. But you know, I was like in pain. I was super tired. Super just like not good and everyone's like, oh yeah we we will help you know just get a card. But then you have the contrast of that all the people like faking glaucoma to get medicinal cars and it became like a whole joke and I was like, well I don't want to be, I don't wanna be a joke.

I don't know what to do. So I definitely like was very apprehensive to go down that route for a very long time. But I am glad that I got over that because it's it's amazing. Yeah. No, I can relate to that because it's like down here. It's always something that I never looked down on any feeling type of way about it. Just personally, I've never been a substance person. Like I barely drink. Like I'm cheap. I want to spend my money on ships. Like I'm good with my energy. Like I don't need anything extra or whatever. So people just assume that like almost judging them, people that smoked or did whatever they did. They just assume that I'm judging them really. I'm just like, I don't want to spend any money if I don't know what this is about and I don't have any money to spend. That was pretty much it. So then now that I got that stimulus check back with that and I was like, all right, I got some money and this is what I'm going to spend it on. And so I posted the story like, oh, drop your recommendations. I don't nothing. And I meant it. I know nothing, absolutely nothing and start from scratch and it's amazing to me how many people who don't advertise anything at all that they take anything or like, oh yeah, I've been taking this strain for anxiety for the past three years or so.

Yeah, I take this and this edible and then I take this sativa as a pre workout or I take this and this and I'm like, where have you guys been like, what are we ashamed of? And we're not even talking about illegal use here? I don't get it? I don't know There's this one strain called, where's my bike? It's funny because my friend and I went to a dispensary right before we're about to go to the gym because he wanted to team up for pre workout. And this chick was like, where's my bike? Yeah, that sounds funny. And then we smoked it and it was legit. Like we were on the map for about 45 minutes being like, what do we do? I understand what to do what we do. You know what I mean? And that's like, you can kind of tell by the titles like Purple Trainwreck, you're like, oh yeah, Trainwreck be a train wreck today. You know what I mean? Or like a lot of the fruity ones or sativa. So like strawberry cough. Is this common knowledge? No, nothing is common. Uh Oh, something is common knowledge. Not for me. I knew nothing. And the other problem is that people have the generic subscription little description, right?

Like sativa is energizing indica, it's relaxing. And it's like, no, for me, my body is always energized. I took sativa. I felt like I was on crack cocaine. It was not good. Okay. It was not good. I did not need it. Like I was like jittering. I was like jumping up and down. Like I'd sit down, I get back up. Of course my water, sit back down. What am I doing? Like no. So when somebody was like, oh, you're tired all the time trying to tva cTV is energizing like no I'm not opposite. It doesn't matter if it's the tva indica to me it's just they're all downers. Yeah so it really it has nothing to well okay obviously there's something about it but really it comes down to like what is it made out of, what are the Turpin's and what are those properties? So I had to like get if you will see my excel sheet. Like I went in look I would say that she. Yeah well you send that to me though. I'm looking like like the Turpin's these are the strains that like I went and looked up research articles.

People with M. S. Take this. Alright put this down. People for rashes like this, write that down, I looked up the strain what percent THC s on this one like I really had to do that much. I know for M. S. It's like the charlotte's web CBD strain of weed strain or whatever is supposed to be really good but it's like so expensive you gotta grow it on your own. We used to have a lot and I allowed to say that probably not. Yeah we used to grow it and because I was having to buy it a lot because it's the only thing that helped me sleep, especially on high doses of my medication. Oh and I was like feeling really sick and I needed to eat and so I would just like, I would go through like a quarter a day sometimes just trying to stimulate my appetite or do anything. And then he was like, why don't we just grew some, I was like, alright, cool. And then you can walk past our house and it smelt like, you know, we were doing some stuff. I'm like, we did not do this anymore. I Have a 10 year old and I'm like, I don't want, you know, a year to go to school and haven't, you know, have it smelled and I don't want to deal with that.

So it's unfortunate that you really can't do that. I know a lot of people who make rick Samson oil even though technically it's not something you're supposed to supposed to be doing right. Yeah, So the RSO yeah, that stuff I love, I have a friend who makes that stuff and he'll give it to us in little vials and he just says, take like a half, start with a half grain of rice and then move on from there and I really like that stuff and now you can get in dispensaries too, which is kind of weird. It's not weird. It's just weird to me that like the state is banking office right now and like, I just would much prefer to get it from a good old fashioned dealer and I can't do that anymore. So at least in Washington, but I like buying it from my friend versus buying it in a store. Maybe it's I don't know what maybe. I don't know. I just I don't trust the manufacturers manufacturers to tell me the truth. I really don't. So am I really, are you really putting this many milligrams in it or you just jousting me?

Like, I don't know, I don't trust them. So I also feel like for the most part you're just paying for the fancy boujee packaging and dispensaries now. Like yeah and taxes and yeah, I mean, so it's like, I don't know. I was looking at the tins of my little gummies yesterday. I was like, these are so like well made and beautiful. But what do I do with my fucking edible tins after I'm done with them. Like I don't need them. Like why why put so much artwork into them? Like I mean if that's your thing like, you know that's what you want to put your heart into. Like it's cool. But also I really feel like I'm just like paying double the price for the fancy pretty artwork on the tin. My goddamn Comey's. Yeah. I feel like there's I my husband is really into learning about this stuff and I love learning about all the different types of ways you can use marijuana and I just feel like yeah, there the medicinal properties of it are kind of getting tossed up in the just like the stigma of being high and also just like the money and the fancy packaging, you know what I mean?

Like I feel like it's not taken seriously as something that can help people especially now. Yeah you just see like the trash everywhere from like the packages and stuff like that, it's kind of just becoming a burden when it should be like research more and touted as like a prescription I guess. You know like a natural prescription that's prescribed more widely throughout the country. So yeah no that makes sense. Where would you get what the tent, where would you get if if somebody were to prescribe it? Well yeah in florida you have a separate marijuana doctor right? So I did, I had a, it was a doctor that I got my card from and it was just like jesus would have been 100 years old and he was like what what's your problem? And I was like oh here she was like scribble on a piece of paper and he was like okay here it is, you know some this into the state and you'll get your card. But he wasn't like you don't prescribe no you're on your own, you're absolutely on your own.

You know the only thing he told me it was like um I'd say try to start your day with it inhalation and uh maybe you need a tincture, Try that out. That was it. But no stress, no strain, no nothing, no like oh you have no unpaid. Maybe you could do the topical or like oh you have this maybe go at like no all of that. You have to do it. You're all totally on your own. Yeah. And even the people that work in the dispensary, you know, they're making minimum wage don't really. Yeah they're just people they're just just they're not people like us, you know there's a lot of different uses in ways you can get a card so you have a card for PTSD and anxiety and stuff like that. So when they see you they're just assuming that you're young and you look fine, you just need to mellow out. And it's just like no it feels like I'm walking on a plane of needles what can you do for me? And they're just like uh that even means. Yeah for that too. They I always suggest CBD and me personally CBD does nothing for me like at all.

I see my friends smoking it and they're like yeah I'm like seriously like you're on a one like 1 1 ratio. I don't understand how you're feeling some type of way right now. I feel like you CBD is like a booster for my THC because it's a little bit cheaper so it's like I don't know like instead of taking two gummies, I'll have like one gummy and like I do with the CBD and that seems to kind of help. Yeah. You know the THC take effect or whatever more. Yeah it's a topical. Yeah it does anything to me, topical use works really well for me like if I like the dragon bomb has a THC CBD mix and or CBD just in general creams I feel work topically so I don't maybe, I don't know, I'm not good at chemistry so maybe that has something to do with it. Yeah. And then there's also um so personally for me when I do my little Vape and whatever, like I don't actually get high like that, there's nothing about highness that I get, it's like for me like taking a muscle relaxant that you can still drive on like that's it.

I don't really feel anything. If I don't take it then I can tell the difference. Tell somebody. Oh you know I started weeding, it's like helping me and they're like really like today yeah. Uh I took I took a tea break for the month of august which were still in, I had a really bad week last week, so I had to do a t berry tea break like four days because I was like funny or whatever but I don't think I realized how much upper shoulder and neck pain I had until I stopped taking my weed regularly and I was like oh I feel like I got hit by a car every morning. Damn. Yeah. I miss that ship. Yeah that's me for sure. Like that picture when they teach you about meningitis in school, like okay kids if you get meningitis and its like that picture of the person bending their head and there's like the red lines like right, right, like that's me. That's definitely I can say though I took a now they were on weed, I love weed so we can talk about this all day. I took a capsule with th it could have either THC or CBD that's what my friend told me.

He was like, go ahead, take it. I don't know what it is. It was one of them though, and I'm like all right, whatever. And I took it and about an hour later I thought I was gonna die and I never felt like I felt like THC had betrayed me because I know it raises your heart rate and I'm laying in bed and all of a sudden I hear my heart like my heart beat and I feel it through my throat and I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, I'm gonna die. And I'm trying not to get paranoid like I'm really, I know people get bad anxiety on this sometimes, so I was really trying to talk myself down and I'm like all right, it's okay. You know, it's not it's just weed, it's fine. And I called my husband. I'm like, I think you need to call the ambulance. I'm gonna die. Like, get me out of here. I don't know what's going on and he comes home with a baby ruth and is like, here eat this and I'm like okay. And I slept for like four days, whoa! You know, And I took, you know, so after that I'm like, how much what was in this always 50 mg of THC and I'm like jesus criminy do this is for cancer patients. Like I was high for a while and I liked it.

But that immediate like, oh my God, I have so much change in my system and it can't come out, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? I've never had that feeling with marijuana nor did I ever think you could ever feel that way the same experience or is not the same, but a very similar experience the other week actually I took kind of this break for me because I feel like when I long term, so when the pain down my first hit, I was just all the time, it was just all the time. It was just like a numbing thing and it was fine. It was just like the state of being that I was in and I didn't really notice that I was high and then I noticed that I kept forgetting things more than I normally do. Um so I kind of took the spray from Denver to colorado springs and it's not recreational in Colorado Springs everywhere else is recreational and Colorado Springs, It's not. So I took this kind of big break and my friend Katie, this package of edibles in, I'll be better to do one day. So I took um some probably about 25 mg and I had convinced myself that I was having a relapse like I couldn't, it started in my toes and then Austin, I couldn't move my legs anymore.

And I was like, here it is that I have to call me the doctor, I have to go to hospital right now. And I was like, I just took out a little bit that's fine, it's just, I need to just like go to bed right now and I just like slept for 12 hours and I was like, yeah, but and that's the same thing where I felt betrayed you hear about people that have smoked for a long time and then all of a sudden it's like no anxiety producing instead of anxiety relieving and then waited to be and I took some more edible. It's just a smaller dose and it was kind of the same thing. Yeah, it took me a while, I was like, oh, I was scared of it for a minute, was like having a really bad hangover and be like, I'm not going to drink for like a week. But yeah, I was really scared of it and since I'm going backpacking tomorrow I needed edibles because I can't smoke, you know, forest rangers and whatnot. And so I had to take some just to make sure that I wasn't gonna lose my ship like 5000 ft up in the air. And now that you were like talking about it, I'm like, oh, you know, it feels weird and I've read about it a lot that it does raise your heart rate and it does cause anxiety, but at the same time it's like if you kind of take control over that and not let it get to that point and you kind of like bring yourself back from the cliff and you're able to really enjoy it.

And I think that's like, the main thing is when people who are taking medications and I'll say, hey, have you tried this? And there are no, I get really bad anxiety and it's just like, you know, it's, I think that is expected, but we're like people who are seasoned smokers and kind of just like in touch with themselves and their bodies are able to kind of calm themselves down and enjoy it a little bit more. Well, I think also it just brings out what you already are or what you already have going on. So this is like mid pandemic. You're already stressed the funk out and you took something that can heighten that. So and it's like something that again, like nobody really prepared you for because you're supposed to be like the guys in the movies, like always chill. Like no, that's not really how that works. If you're an anxious person, you take something that could make you more anxious, but that's real. I don't think, I don't think marijuana is any different than prescriptions as far as the trial and error. I think, you know, the CBD, all the different strands of everything. You have to go through the same trial error that you live with prescription medications.

Obviously it's it's more holistic. Um, but there's no serious side effects or anything, but you know, you still have to go through that trial and error. You know, everybody was saying this works for me, this doesn't work for me. You know, this makes me more tired. Everybody's different. Um I actually haven't gotten the opportunity to get my medical card yet. Uh I can definitely get it. I just honestly, I would have to say that I had that same feeling of guilt about getting the card when everybody ran to go get a card. I didn't want to be one of those people going in there even though I knew that I needed it. I knew that I could benefit from it. I felt um guilty going into the doctors and asking for it and I think that's kind of a shame that people who actually could benefit from it possibly do not get it because of the guilt that comes along with trying to go into the doctor's office and not be judged about it. Yeah, that's that's my issue the same way. Um So I'm in Virginia and so I don't know a single person with a medical marijuana card. Um It just kinda, it's legal medically, but barely and so people are just starting to get it.

Like I have no idea how I would even go about getting it. And I know the responses of my co workers to marijuana and marijuana use in our patients and it's just so incredibly negative. Especially because you have patients that come in with cyclic vomiting syndrome that is caused by excessive cannabis use and they refuse to quit smoking and they just keep coming back and exhausting our resources and exhausting our resources. And so there's just that a negative connotation in the healthcare world where I live right now on top of that, like I know I'd be able to get a card if I went to my dock um and put it the right way. But then it's kind of like, well also like I have a nurse, like how you guys like how are you guys dealing with that? As far as like I get drug tested. So I don't know what, because Virginia just hasn't been faced with it yet. So they don't even have anything like protocols because health care workers are not supposed to be sick. Yeah, that's true and that's a whole nother level to consider like A lot of places will have blanket zero tolerance.

Don't care if you have a car, don't care, which is wild because with prescription opioids, they can go to work on those, but you can't go to work on medical marijuana, all my muscle relaxants in the world and still show up. But that's fine. But you smoke a little joint before. No, no. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Does anybody use it around their workout? Or is it like for me, whether it's training or not for me, I start and end my day with the same thing and then if I have a lot of nerve pain, that's when I get my topical and do the rub that's as needed. But otherwise like it's a schedule. Start and end, wake up sleep. I was just being CBD gummies for a period of time and I would, I would use those directly before my workout and I found a lot of them pain relief in that. But they were so expensive and I just couldn't keep getting them. It was like $70 for like 20 gummies. It was just ridiculous. And so I stopped using them. Um but as far as actual marijuana personally, I have to train first because it gets my heart rate up and it, I think it lowers my blood pressure and actually makes me really dizzy.

So it, it fixes a lot of other things. I have issues with the evening, the digestion, the anxiety, the pain and everything else. But unfortunately it sucks up my heart rate and blood pressure. So I have to wait until after, it's kind of like my reward after training to be honest, I like to use hybrids as um a little like pre workout for my mobility days. I think it help me with the mind muscle connection. I don't I don't know if that's like a real thing or like it was just like me one guy but I like it, I feel like I was gonna say the same thing um when I was smoking, I was just a little bit before olympic lifting. I feel like there's a lot of body awareness. You can kind of, you go into kind of a more meditative seat. I feel like a weight lifting. It's so technical if you over think you're going to get it wrong. So I would just smoke just a little bit and just kind of let my body do what it does but then if I smoke too much and that is you know what side of my on what this is, the trial mirror.

Um so um in terms of money and costs if I wanted to get my, well I did but if I want to get the card from scratch that's like $75 cash to the state and then I have to visit a doctor twice because that's how they set it up, they want to get you twice. So then I'll spend almost $300 just to get the card, which is just nuts. That's ridiculous. What I feel like this is just a money pit now, like this is just all for money. You know what I mean? It's like, oh this is me off. I'm getting all frustrated now. But I like for me the cost just I guess, you know, like I said, I can go and just buy it. And for me it's no different than paying a copay on like a doctor's office visit to get a prescription written and then having it like renew that prescription each month. I know that my money isn't necessarily going to the pharmaceutical companies. It's going to like the growers that are like down the street from me making this marijuana and it makes me feel a little bit more better.

You know what I mean? Like it's not, it's not big pharma. Yeah, but I'm not sure how the prices are with medicinal versus just like walking in. Like is it more expensive or like in a state that's totally legal versus just medical problem. Yeah, because their gate keeping it there limiting who, how many they literally limit, like how many clinics can, it's legal in my state sort of, which is why it's cash based and then they limit how many clinics can exist. And then some cities are like, you can't be here, you can't sit with us. So there's a lot of gatekeeping. So it's ridiculous because there's tons of black and brown people in jail for weed and now like white people are selling it like hotcakes. Yeah, that's what I was about to get into. You know, the people in prison like that. I was like, I don't know what to do about it. Don't make no sense. No. Yeah, exactly. It's just like it's the, you know, the state's profiting off of this stuff and people are suffering because they freaking like, you know got caught with like, you know, not even enough to get me high for a weekend.

Like you gotta be kidding me. You know what I mean? It's like that part is very frustrating. And also like, like me personally contributing to that type of market also kind of like it's a lose lose situation. You know what I mean? Like um, I don't know if this is a different in other states in colorado. I think it cause I haven't got my medical card yet because I can't just go to the store and I don't want to spend the extra money if I don't have to. But I know that in colorado it's cheaper if you have a medical card, it's better meat. Mm. So I don't know you're saying the opposite is true. So if you're just recreational, it's not as good and it's more expensive. So they're not doing all of the like quality control quote unquote test. Is that the difference because like right now if I get with my medical card, the medical only marijuana, like I could look up the batch number and like see all the ship they tested. Maybe that's the difference. What's the difference? Oh no I can look up the bat. They have like batch numbers and all sorts of information on the packages.

I thought that the medical was higher THC. Okay maybe but I've also heard that it's better quality so maybe they have to like there has to be some sort of like filtering process Taco Bell or like making your own burger or something. What is that like with me? Is that what I don't get it? I feel like maybe it's harder to get a medical card here than like in michigan. It's like if you just have like back pain they give you a card because everyone just in order, there's only uh medicinal in michigan or here there is both. So maybe there is more of a, you actually have to knead it beyond like one thing hurting or I'm not really sure. It's all weird. I don't know you got me thinking about the whole entire system. Now that makes sense. But I can definitely understand why big farmer was not really happy about weed because it cut out a whole lot.

It cut out a whole lot personally for me to cut out muscle relaxants. It cut out all everything all the like 3000 mg of shit I was taking for nerve pain like gone done don't need it like the P. P. I. S. And all that whatever gut stuff gone don't need it so I can definitely understand why um They feel some type of way about it too bad. I just feel like it's just now there's like a big meat industry now that's just kind of its own monster. You know definitely um Any closing comments, questions or concerns or anything that you feel like somebody should know if they have questions, comments, concerns about prescription meds or cannabis dang it. There's a website and I'm trying to figure I'm trying to remember um. Yes leafy leaf yeah leaf lee is like the most consistent because a lot of these strains you know you go to a dispensary and the people aren't trained to tell you you know what everything is they just know based off of word of mouth or what it did for them and you know um See now I forgot I was talking about because I was eating these weed candies before we got on.

So what was I talking to bring it in, bring it in, bring it in, bring it in. Good. Okay Ashley people to go only flee for information and I second that next caller. Oh yeah personal trial and error. You know whatever works for you doesn't work for the next person. I would say if you have the the card or the medical card or whatever. You spend all that money just to get into it and you're worried about whether or not you're gonna waste money testing strains, you could do what I did and have somebody as a backup ready to buy the ship that didn't work for you. That's how I didn't lose the money. Don't come from just smoke it. I'm like whatever, I'll just smoke it. You know, crack cocaine said he even had to go, I had to go, I couldn't do that again. Like the mess jitters. It was bad. Oh my gosh, it was so bad. A lot of my concerns starting out. We're like the anxiety because I'm an anxious person, I've had a couple bad high school for like what I wish I had known is that like it's okay to get high alone.

I think there's a whole stigma on you know like you shouldn't do this alone. Like it's a you know if you're not getting high with your friends like you're doing it wrong, you're turning into a pothead blah blah blah. But I like but for for a while I was only comfortable being high alone because I knew that no one was gonna be judging me there and I think if people like me out there are anxious to, you know like maybe get high with their stoner friends because they're still our friends know so much more than them and like what if they do it wrong blah blah blah blah blah Like it's just it's okay. It's just like sit on your college with some popcorn. That's okay. Two when you smoke with people there's just like pressure to have to keep up with other people and be like, you know when the joint passes, you're just like this like bizarre lately, you get that double joint where you get one and it's going the other way like then you end up with two and it was like yeah staring at the ground. It's like drooling way for like just in general pain pills, whatever you take infusions, you want to smoke some weed or eat the weed like funk a stigma.

Find what works and know that what works for somebody else might not work for you, but it doesn't make you weird and what's normal anyway, it doesn't matter. You can do it alone, fund your friends if you want to be on your own because like when you wake up you go take your pain pills, your friends aren't there taking your pain pills with you like so what same idea? Right? They're not sort you don't need them. They're right like it's okay. Yeah, but like we get sold the idea of what we should be and this is what it should be like if you take opioids and this is like no, none of that is real alright guys. I think we'll call this one and then we'll have another chat so peace out. Everybody disabled girls out. Thanks for listening to disabled girls who left. We appreciate all of your support and everyone who's taken the time to show us some love. Don't forget to subscribe, rate already. Review of our channel. We're on Apple podcasts, Spotify player, FM, google podcasts and more.

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E32: Medication, Marijuana, and the Gym (Panel of Spoons)
E32: Medication, Marijuana, and the Gym (Panel of Spoons)
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