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Ep. 61 - Navigating Change Through Heart-Centered Insights And Action - With Mindy Kantor

by Hearts Rise Up
February 3rd 2022
In this interview, Mindy shares her change journey on turning insights into action with a heart-centered approach. She shares her personal experience and thoughts on assessment tools for self-reflecti... More
Mhm. Thank you for tuning your heart's in for another episode of the Hearts Rise up podcast. I'm carol chapman, your host along with my co host and Siri and Concetta antonelli. We share our own personal experiences, tips and strategies along with powerful stories and compelling insights from guest interviews. We're here to inspire and empower your conscious evolution. Help you tap into your inner wisdom and rise to your heart centered higher self. Together we can rise to a higher level of consciousness, an elevated state of being and experience more love, joy and freedom. Thank you welcome back. Heart centered listeners. Thank you for joining us once again for another episode of the Hearts Rise Up podcast where we explore and share heart centered wisdom to advance your conscious evolution.

I'm carol chapman, your host and I'm delighted to introduce our featured guest today, Mindy cantor as a coach, consultant and writer. Mindy's mission is to empower you to activate your best. She works with people who want to transform themselves Teams or organizations combining her 25 years of experience in communication, change management and marketing expertise. Mindy has a natural curiosity about the wiring of people's minds and human behavior. She provides a fresh perspective and integrated way to turn insight into action. She holds a bachelor of Science in business with a marketing focus and a master's degree in public and communication and corporate communication. In addition she has several certifications in project management, change management and psychological assessments, including angiogram. Myers Briggs type indicator and fire. Obi and fire.

Oh, business Mindy Welcome to the show. Thank you carol and thank you for that introduction. I'm delighted to be on hearts rise up. I am so excited to have you here today and you know we've had several conversations over the last few years and I just love the heart centered wisdom that shines in you, especially how you help others activate their very best. I know a lot of the work that you do is helping people to navigate change and upheaval in their lives and dealing with transitions. And of course we know in today's world we've got so much upheaval. Lots of stress. People are dealing with a lot of change and they're having a lot to handle. So I would love for us to chat about the work that you do. But first I would love for you to share more about yourself, your own personal story. You know, we all have experiences in our lives that often are important teaching moments for each of us that help us work through our journey. So I would love for you to share your story and some defining moments in your life.

Happy to Caroline. Thank you for that. Yeah, I would say I've had A couple of the same learnings throughout my life. And so you mentioned my 25 years of work experience. I would say that Experience is really my learning journey. I held 13 corporate jobs, all of which I had to apply interview. Get selected for eight of those positions were advancing at a Fortune 500 conglomerate, both in the US and Germany And every 12 to 18 months I get an itch to move onto the next thing. It was funny, I almost was like in my own movie, you know, Act One, I assessed the situation, understand the goals, jump in, make things happen, act two, I would work at breakneck speed, aiming to go above and beyond to get everything done And then Act three, which was usually around that 12-18 month mark.

I'd start to feel a bit tired and frustrated and then over time that would lead to exhaustion and resentment. And so originally and it obviously it took me quite a number of times. I just thought it was time for me to move on to my next gig. But it was really in 2013 that it dawned on me that I kept on going after what I no longer wanted and I had no idea why. So that's when I really had to stop and assess and really turn inward and I had done this throughout my life. I always say I was much wiser when I was younger when I look back at things and I'm like you know here I am again saying the same thing and the challenge I had was I was so influenced by other people's thoughts that I really need to turn to outside help because I now can easily say that I was influenced by others, but I really thought I was independent.

I really thought I stood my ground and I was assertive in my beliefs and it was only when I got involved with these psychological assessments that now have been certified in for a while that they were a game changer. They were what I needed to see, reflecting back what I knew, but also provided me the tools and like those easy quick tips and awareness that I could actually start implementing change. So for example, one of my blind spots was that I needed this constant approval and validation. So as a result, I like wouldn't be direct about what I wanted to do because I was afraid to disappoint others. That was really more on the personal side, but also for those managers that I really liked as individuals and respected and so what I really needed to do was boost my own confidence and really start embracing myself as that thought leader, that expert to not only articulate what I no longer wanted to do, but so I could actually prioritize and concentrate on what I do want to do.

And that's a big thing with change management is that you really need to prioritize and it's still something that I don't struggle with in terms of getting things done where I make commitments to others, but it's that commitment to myself that always gets put on the lower part of the list and I would say it's, and I'm getting chills as I say this, I would say it's only been like the last couple of months that I'm like okay, stop taking on and doing doing and really focus on the few things, spend quality time with them and enjoy what you're doing and again, I'm getting chills because I made it a focus of even this morning knowing that it's going to be on with you, it's like enjoy every little moment whether it's putting away the dishes, doing the laundry, getting ready for a client meeting, delivering on projects, but being able to really concentrate on what I want to do and enjoy it. So in 2019 I was actually finally able to make that break from corporate on a high note as I like to stay and take pragmatic steps to change, including starting my own business and now I really get to focus on everything that I loved in my previous roles which kept on attracting me to it, which was really managing my teams, helping and inspire them using my disciplines, you know, the communication, the change management, the professional development, personal branding, to really design my content and programs based on this, know how, and I find it's by sharing what I've learned, but really being with a person, allowing them to share their story and asked those probing questions that help them reach their own ah ha it's just so empowering because I think awareness is always the first step for any change, but it has to click for the person and that's really about being there, mirror the reflection back to what they need to know.

And that's what those assessments did. For me, it's really amazing when we get that opportunity to self reflect, we discover things about ourselves that we never really recognized. Sometimes we were in denial or we're just not seeing them. And I know one such instance for me is when I realized one day that I was a people pleaser, I never thought of myself that way, but I realized mindy that I'm doing a lot of people pleasing and this is not someone that I want to be because it takes away from my own energy, it takes away from being true to what is important to me and there's so much that we learn from ourselves that we can use to help others. And I wanted to ask you about just change in and of itself particularly with today's world and there's so much that people are having to deal with over the last several years, particularly with this pandemic.

So much fear and stress, what are some things that people can do to manage, change, what can we do to successfully navigate through it and still be true to ourselves? Great question and yes, this world and what we've been up against for some have helped them thrive, especially those like myself, highly sensitive person introvert where you finally have some of that downtime. But for extroverts especially being isolated with the pandemic has really change people's behaviors, right? And in terms those behaviors and those mindsets often it's our own limiting beliefs. It's what we don't know that's holding ourselves back and it really has to do with things we may have experienced as Children that again, we're always a little bit surprised like I've gotten over it but we've never really let it process and there's so much information out there that if we don't he'll that pain and allow it to really process through us.

It will continue to repeats and that can be at the social world generational aspect too. But just staying on a personal transformation, it's so much easier to do what you know you have done in the past, it just feels comfortable, it's really about breaking that habit and starting to be able to picture how much better it could be and then through small changes, once the benefits outweigh you know what you're used to doing, you're able to make better decisions went up against. So it's really about learning to not necessarily react and learn how to pause and take that space to respond. It's really about that resilience to change to to in terms of managing our behaviors when we're up against stuff that are thrusted upon us when we are able to make a conservative change where we say you know what I'm tired of being this way, I'm tired of doing this, that's really the first step to any change.

And then it's also seeking help or guidance. I have plenty of tips and tools for anyone starting on their own change journey, but it's really about putting it on paper, committing to yourself what you do want to change because once you really have that clarity, then you can start taking those small steps. The other thing that I've seen both in the corporate world as well as personally is that we think small steps aren't enough and the truth of the matter is the small stuff actually equals when added up to the big stuff and I think that we all take on and have this mentality that we have to be going and doing. But if we actually just pause and stop, we can get a lot more productive by not always going and to really think through our decisions often from a change management perspective, easy steps as first just taking almost like an inventory of everything you have going on and then looking at that list and starting to prioritize, I have an easy to do template and video tutorial Less than five minutes on stop, start, continue.

So often we're always taking on more. But we, if we're going to invite something new to do, there's behaviors and actions we need to stop doing and get them off the list. And that also hits back to why it's so difficult to change is that we get into routines, we get into false expectations. You know, you ask someone well who's driving you to do that and they say well I don't know, I'm just so used to doing it well that's in your control to change it. But until you see it on paper and it's like you know just how we started, you know, I repeated my patterns for like 13 years in a row or more. You know, it's like until you really make that conservative statement like OK, I now get it, this is no longer making me happy. I have a great article about like resistance to change and it's based on the record Harris model and it's really a a math equation. So don't ask me to do math, but it's about our desire for change, our vision for the change our actions, those all need to be greater than the resistance to actually make change happen.

And that resistance is usually let those limiting beliefs, fears of failure. Here's a disappointment. I think that's a great formula that you just shared. You have to have a desire and the desire has to be intense enough and you have to put the energy into taking action. You have to have all that to be greater than the resistance if you successfully want to make change until we start to recognize that we even need to make a change, we're just going to continue on the path that we're on. And I think that's the first step is to recognize if you want to make a change, you have to recognize that and the need to make a change and then you can begin to take those steps to figure it out. Okay, well what is that I would need to do or anyone needs to do. I wanted to ask you this one question because I think it's important to be heart centered when we're navigating through change and because heart center is important to feeling into what's there inside of us when we need to navigate change.

So how do we stay more heart centered and actually navigate through change? Yeah. So one of the things that I love about Hart's rise up is that heart centered approach and it's really what I think about compassion and kindness and really turning that towards yourself. I find that simple things of just sitting and being still meditating if you enjoy that has really created that space to allow me to process my feelings and when you want to take a heart centered approach, it's not about treating people how you want to be treated, it's about meeting people where they're at and respecting and acknowledging that you have no clue what they're up against because you only get to see, but they allow you to see, which is what drives perception as well as what may sneak through based on your interactions whether or not that person actually knows that they're exhibiting a certain behavior.

So unless you ask how someone else is doing authentically, of course you'll never really truly understand that other person. But I think what we all can do to live that heart centered life is to just acknowledge that even if my day is going bad or even if my day is going great, whoever I interact with, I can choose to be my best self to lift their energy and spirits up whether it's through a small smile holding the door for someone saying thank you. But it all needs to come from that heart centered, which is not having an agenda for a meeting in terms of a personal agenda, like I need to get this accomplished because that hurts from true active listening but really by going in with the intention that I'm going to meet that person where they're at and I am going to share what I need to share, but also pause enough to allow that person to also share what they need to share for whatever the goal or desire of that interaction is.

How do qualities like appreciation and gratitude and kindness and other virtuous type qualities play into effective communication and connecting better. Because I think in today's world there's so much divisiveness and so much fear, there's so much stress, there's so many negative comments that people are dealing with negative interactions, negative comments flying around, You know, especially on social media. I think communication and connection is more important than ever to help us navigate through change and navigate through the issues that we're dealing with in everyday life. What's your perspective on what we can do to communicate and connect better through qualities like appreciation, gratitude and listening any ideas on that? Certainly one of the things that I really have made a mindful approach around is choosing what I do expose myself to.

So I'm always about what's in my control to change. Only through our example can we influence others? The majority of people, right? If you're a parent, I'm sure you can have more influence on your Children. I don't mean it in that way. But if you're on social media you can choose kindly who you follow what you don't follow any longer. You don't need to comment if you don't have anything nice to say, you know, that may make that person not feel really good. So those are all little small things that people could look at doing and really to un follow what is no longer serving who they want to be in terms of appreciation and gratitude. I really enjoy journaling. Journaling is not for everyone, but you could even think through it of really assessing all that you do have in one of my learnings is just that I have enough that I'm enough.

I don't need more. I've really tried to simplify. I like to know that less is more and so I really had that quality over quantity mindset, but in terms of the gratitude and appreciation, it's just before you go into a meeting or interact with someone instead of focusing on this stuff and the behaviors that you may not like, there was a reason for you interacting and connecting with that person. So for more closer people, like family, friends, those are individuals that always taking that higher side of what I like most about them and really focusing on that because from a change management perspective, what you recognize and appreciate is what people will do more of if you focus on everything that you don't like, you just empty your bucket, you become a self fulfilling prophecy of that negativity.

But if you take that time to take stock of all the things that are going well of what you do appreciate what you are happy about having in your life, then you can multiply that because going back to that heart centered approach when you feel it and you really feel connected to yourself, you will connect so much more powerfully to other strangers on the street, you'll have good experiences waiting online, you know, things won't rub you the wrong way, but it's really, it's really starts with the individual and so whenever I feel not heart centered over time and meditation has helped me a lot because there's little signs that happened throughout the day, if I find I'm rushing or I get in tune with my body and I recognize what I need to take a break is to really just sit with yourself a little bit and set that intention of, okay, not everything's going the way I want it, but let me at least focus on what has gone well today and what can still go well, and it's really that mindset shift, which is again, it comes with that awareness and making that choice to take control of your desire and to take the small steps and actions two move yourself forward on the path that you prefer to be on, the one that makes you feel really, really good and I think there's a lot to be said for self awareness because self awareness and being conscious of your emotions and what you're feeling, what's happening in your body, what's happening viscerally, that is so important in terms of just staying in tune with how you're feeling and being conscious so that we can take the right action to do what we need to do because oftentimes we have these conditioned patterns over years and years and years, you know, when we're a young child, we start out as a free spirit, but then over time all these things from society, its norms, its rules, others peer pressure, or parents pressure that we should do things a certain way, they get ingrained in us and think a certain way and our psyche becomes a part of our conditioning and then it gets to the point where sometimes our insecurity starts showing up in so many different ways, especially through the internal dialogue.

Our inner critic, you know, that can run rampant in anyone's mind has happened to me, especially if we're not conscious and we're just go, go, go every day. We're not taking the time. Like you said to step back, listen to our body, take a few quiet moments. People don't really know how to do that because they're so conditioned with the inter critic thought patterns running rampant in their mind. We need to be more conscious of our thought process because what we focus on we manifest especially if we continually have these thoughts that are repeating in our heads. What's your advice? Mindy to tame the inner critic keep it in check. Yeah, well a couple of things first of all have a really fun exercise that I don't, I'm sure for anyone that's been with the coach named that Gremlin is really focused on that inner critic recognizing it, but I'm also sending the internal family systems and that is really about how we all have many parts of ourselves.

So when we say what I want, you know, I feel this way or that Inner critic part, it's really about becoming aware of it, but also celebrating what it does bring. So that inner critic has actually been a lifesaver throughout your life, It's you know if your inner critic is a perfectionist that per part of you has helped you drive for the success you've been at, but it's when it is viewed as an enemy and not really recognizing what it's telling you and it is about creating that space. If I had like sum it up from like an order perspective, first of all, it's creating that awareness and sometimes you do need it like an external assessment to help you really pinpoint for someone who has always considered herself very intuitive. I needed the assessments to put on paper what I couldn't articulate for myself and they always come with small actions that you can do as first steps and those always start creating that impetus for change.

And then it's also once you start becoming more aware, you're able to build in more space to not go back to your usual reactions and to take time to pause, accept it and choose the response. So with that inner critic of perfectionist comes up again, it's to pause and ask it, what do I need to know about what I'm working on or doing? And just to sit there for a little bit and understand and also understand whose voice, is it, is it a parent? Is it a teacher, a plaice boss that has really driven you to feel a way that may not be true and it may be caught from so long ago and there's many tools and mechanisms. I once went through what's called art therapy, which is the a rapid movement which can help you close out that with you know, a trained psychologist to help you go through that that's been very beneficial on some things that I've dealt with.

I'm not trained in that, but I'm sure there's plenty of resources out there if it's very deep, but if it's something where you know, just becoming aware of it and understanding what it has to tell you. For example, I often get focused on other people and what they're doing, which off centers me and I continuously throughout my life will have these like small learnings and I have a perfect embarrassing example. I was driving up my parking garage, my husband and I live in a high rise and right when you're kind of turning around the bend for our particular spot, there was, its very narrow and someone was coming and pulling out and coming down and often people come down like the going inward route. So I just paused and I was like watching this person, I literally stopped my car, I didn't realize, oh my God, it was so awful. I was like up against the brick wall.

So when I went to move forward, when that person cleared me, I totally, you know, the only way out is in fortunately my husband knew a good repair person, you know, we had to get the whole door redone and it's, it's an expensive learning but it was a real eye opener to me because I'm at a part of my journey that it's like, wow, this is a perfect example of what happens when we focus on what others are doing or what others are saying instead of focusing on our side of the street and what we should be doing. You know, I think that's also when we hear that inner critic, I could have gone so negative on that. Like how could you have done this? Oh my God and said, I said, what a great reminder and it's just a car and we're all okay, the car still drives and the fact that we could get it fixed was a plus. But it's that mindset and that comes with time and practice my any a gram, you learn different percentage.

One of my strengths is I have 100% helpful shifts so I am that type of person. You have a problem. I will find a solution. I will find the positive angle if asked of course because not everyone is at that point where they need that uplifting. Sometimes it's just being with a person with where they're at and recognizing that, hey, do I suck? Sometimes it does really hurt when you need to change. But those are some of the things that I have found accepting those voices in my head, even when they might be a little bit negative, but really trying to understand and discern what I need to know because they're there for a reason and for better or worse, they've helped me survive because that's what they really are. Their survival mechanisms that come into play by recognizing them, accepting them and working with them. You can really also meet even further progress on that change journey that you have for yourself.

I think that's some great insight that you share that in. A critic can actually be an ally for us. It's when it just really goes awry. That is just totally to the extreme that we need to be mindful of its negative effects. I really love this example and your insights that others can learn from, I would love for you to share just a little bit more on advice that you have for others in this tumultuous and global, changing, crazy world right now, how people can be true to themselves, but still navigate through change for the better. Yeah, You know, it's also about staying on your side of the street a little bit carol, It's in terms of there's something going on right now in the world where people want to be upset or angry and there's outcry of negativity and you can either be frustrated annoyed with it or you can recognize that, wow, I definitely don't want to be a part of that, that doesn't mean going off into your own world as a hermit or anything, but you don't need to be that way.

You don't need to allow what you see in the news or what gets polarized on social media posts. You don't need to get sucked into that. It doesn't make you smarter. It doesn't make you wiser. I mean literally I search the news apps, I search what's happening in the world news, I search what's happening in the business news and I stay away from anything that is it more of those opinion commentary. I tried to stay away from things that don't align with my values. I stay smart. I mean it's not about being isolated and not knowing what's going on. I can tell you what's going on from a high level and what I follow but I don't need to know everyone's personal story or pain or frustration. I mean if anything, you want to start with healing yourself and then focus on the people that are in your life today and to have that appreciation and gratitude and then connect with others, you know, in your expanded network in your community but find topics values, look for what you do have in common.

I think so often we focus on what's different what's unique but there's so much value in looking at, oh my God, look at what we have in common, I like that you like that. You know it's sounds, I would hate to say childish, but it sounds just what Children do so well they focus on playing with the people that bring them joy, they focus on sharing what they like. You know, and as adults, we've gotten so focused on why we need to stand out, why we need to be heard when you don't, you know, you can fit in and be connected without being part of that crowd, but you have to choose what's important to you. And I think that's really the fundamental is who do you want to be? Only you as the individual can answer that. And if you are listening to this podcast, I assume you want to be a heart centered individual. And so it's really starting with the fundamentals um being compassionate and caring to yourself and bringing that out to others in whatever way that you can and connecting with others for whatever is important to you.

For some, it's animals, for some, it's serving the homeless for others, it's doing charitable activities, you know, it's whatever is going to bring you joy, but there's plenty of people out there that are looking to connect, but it's finding those individuals and instead of looking for all the differences is looking for what are those commonality activities. So if you are feeling lonely or you don't have a good network around you, it's really spending your time and energy, not focused on all the negative in the world, but let's find the spots, lets me follow the communities that bring me joy and happiness and that every individual has to decide that for themselves. That's the beauty of individuality is that for each of us, there's different things that motivate us are we all have different purposes to bring into our lives and honing in on that.

And really focused on those will help you move closer to where you want to get to by maintaining your focus and attracting what you do want over time you'll be surprised over time some of those things you no longer want in your life just kind of naturally go away whether it's people or things or activities you used to do, but it's all in our controls, it's in everyone's individual. But I think the hardest part, at least the hardest part for me as someone who loves to do a lot of different things. It's really that focus on staying true to myself, but we all have those different challenges, you know, myself letting go of limiting beliefs and external need for validation. And so just by being a where are those things, I'm now able to pause when I recognize that I'm seeking that I can say wait, wait, I can discern that I have tools to make better decisions.

I know that I can really decide that for myself. That's wonderful advice. Mindy thank you so much for sharing that because really what that speaks to me is that, you know, finding joy in our lives and living from a heart centered place really is an inside job and you can't look for it externally. If you're constantly focused on all that's going on externally, you're not going to be in tune and aligned with what feels right for you, what's important and what you want and what you're passionate about what you love doing and finding, experiencing, recognizing and acknowledging those moments, each and every moment where we can be conscious of what we're doing and how we're feeling and navigating things that bring us joy, we're going to be better off. So how can others find out more about you? You've had a wonderful story and I love the words of wisdom and your experience and the work that you're doing is just beautiful. I would love for us to be able to share with others how they can find out more about you, some tools for transformation and of course communication.

So just share a little bit more about that. I have plenty of tools on my library page which is that Mindy Cantor dot com forward slash library. But if you just go to Mindy Cantor dot com, you'll be able to easily find that on the navigation On this site. All of my blog posts are really focused on easy tips and tools. I would say 2-3 minute read. I send out a monthly newsletter that focuses on sharing the blog so that you get it right to your inbox and I only send that the 2nd Monday of the Month. So those are two good ways just to get a lot of rich information on that site. You can also set up time with me. I have some self led online courses, but I'm really focused on that professional coaching, one on one, um really understanding and meeting someone where they're at and what they're looking to accomplish and really reverse engineering to help them.

I believe you'll share those links directly, carol. Yes, definitely will put those in the show notes awesome. And then I do also have some social contact I'm on linked in most, so I think that's most valuable for anyone that's very career centered, but I'm also on instagram and facebook and those links are on my website as well and then just a really cool thing carol, really excited in april I'm going to become a spark a type advisor trainer. So for anyone who's maybe unsure their purpose or looking for a career change, Jonathan fields has a free online assessment called spark a type and to me it's a must read. The reason why he's training people to become certified is just because he'll always keep the assessment free, which is very knowledgeable. Again, I really enjoy how people can succinctly kind of get my thoughts onto paper and so when I took mine just really like, oh wow, yeah, that is me.

It just again was one more check mark for me of just kind of getting that clarity and focus. But anyway, so he's training people just because people really want to work with people afterwards. So it's become quite popular. So I had fun with that and I look forward to being a trained advisor next year so that you'll see more information in the new year about that too. Great. I'm really excited for you and everything that you've referenced here will be put in our show notes and I just want to thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for being with us today. This has been a very enlightening heart centric conversation and I just want to say to all of our listeners, thank you again for supporting us for listening in and just keep rising up, do your very best every day and share this wonderful episode and the podcast with others. So for now I have a wonderful day and we'll see you back next time.

Bye for now. Yeah, we hope today's show helped to bring a bit more joy and happiness into your heart. We hope it inspired you to unleash your inner power and rise up to your best and loving heart centered highest self. We'd be grateful if you'd leave us a review on itunes. Those reviews are important to spreading this valuable message. We'd love for you to subscribe to our podcast and share the show with others, visit hearts Rise up dot com for heart centered courses, guided meditations and are popular notes from your higher self until next time. Keep rising up and may all that you love thrive.

Ep. 61 - Navigating Change Through Heart-Centered Insights And Action - With Mindy Kantor
Ep. 61 - Navigating Change Through Heart-Centered Insights And Action - With Mindy Kantor
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