We have done our 12 episodes of getting back to basics and now it's time for a return of evil. Do not listen to evil, but she's here. I should be writing season 18, episode 55. I should working on our side, I should submitting my desk, but I'm sitting watching Doctor Hi there, Welcome to, I should be writing this is the podcast for wannabe fiction writers and it tells the absolute truth with absolutely no questions involved. Although I did say M. A. I don't want you to ask me anything because you should just take in my knowledge and know you will know that this is the proper way to write the proper way to submit, the proper way to deal with other writers and your writing career here.
And I should be writing, which is the best writing podcast out there. It's the longest running. It was actually the first podcast. Um and I invented podcasting. So go me, you're welcome. I like to start the show to talk about how awesome I am. I actually spent the day yesterday I wrote a short story. That part is true and today I, I designed a game from beginning to end um or at least I tried and that's really all that matters and that you believe me. Yeah. Um So yeah, I've been working on on, on a game from beginning to end, starting at about 8:00 PM. Just working on that over and over and over and over again. It's almost done. I'll be uploading it to drive through RPG after the stream. Um What else is going on? World Con is coming up. I am the guest of honor. I'll be there in Chicago. I'm arriving on monday and a gilded chariot. Okay, I can't lie this entire episode, World Con is coming up, Labor Day weekend starting september 1st, I will be there on september 1st, I'll be doing a reading from station eternity um which is my new future Hugo winning novel.
Um been doing that reading on thursday night. So if you're there dropped by and of course my phone's ringing because why wouldn't it everybody wants to talk to me, I'm evil. So um but back to the good part of the show, I like to talk about good news and I like to record all of your rejections because that makes me feel better as a writer. So um if anybody has any rejections to uh give me to pump up my ego in thinking that I'm better than you let me know in email. We had the we had somebody I my phone died so I can't find the email. I got an email from Mark who has uh tallied all of his uh rejections for the past several months. And so Mark got is sending us how many?
56 rejections which should update now. Yes it does. And again, it's really hard for me to be evil during this because that's just amazing, well done. Mark very proud of you, very happy that you're able to uh keep up the good fight because it's not easy and that's why we celebrate rejections. So congratulations. So uh team rejection count is up to 3 13. If you guys have anything else you wanted me to add to it then either email me at at gmail dot com or tell me in chat. I also didn't say that we live stream this show, Tuesday, thursday three p.m. Eastern time at twitch dot tv slash. I really tried to do a live version and a non live version and I failed. It was bad. Um, I even got like messed up with my timing and my, my numbering and my timing and it was just, it was anxiety attack is a little much for what I was experiencing, but it wasn't good, it wasn't a good feeling and I feel bad because somebody has actually thanked me for going back to that pattern and I wish I could keep it up, but I can't.
So I apologize for that. But summer and I are trying to make the show as good as we can with what we have mustaches or tickle my nose if you're not watching this, I am wearing a mustache. Um, so yeah, Summer and I trying to make the show as good as we can and as enjoyable as we can if you're live or if you're listening later in the podcast feed. So what are we talking about today? We went back to basics for the past 12 episodes and we talked about character. We talked about tools you need, we talked about rules to follow. But really what you need to do is find one person to listen to and that should be me and take everything they say as gospel because no one learns, nobody know I mean like experts, us, experts, we don't learn either.
It's we're done learning, which is why we teach and so when we teach everything we say is true. So um there's no reason to ever change that. So once you get your wisdom from me, you will have it forever. And you can always um create awesome stuff based on my wisdom, tweaking it will not work going a different way will not work, nothing else will work. But if you find somebody else who sounds like they know what they're talking about and they do a better job of it than I do then um listen to them or give me their home address and I will go fight them. Because also the person who can win a fight is the one you should be listening to that is how justice is done, premium would like even more to talk about how good MERS book made her cry on twitter.
Well here's the deal. I said something about how uh when you write or good merced something about when you write, essentially the context was a lot of people say if they just had time they could start a writing career, they could start writing that book that's always been on their minds. They want to take a sabbatical from work and go, right And speaking as somebody who's been at home writing with the luxury, I admit luxury and privilege of being at home writing full time for years and years and years. I can tell you that if you're not writing when you have 30 minutes free, you're not going to write when you have eight hours free because whatever you have that takes precedent during your free 30 minutes. That is gonna take precedent during your eight hours. Primi took the part of if you're not going to write when you have a little bit of time, you're not going to write when you have a lot of time. And said I called her out and there were lots and lots of animated gIFs that were uh gifts, gifts, I don't care a lot of animations saying that premium was in tears.
Primi has written, I don't know why I do this. I've got like previous books and matt matt's books, but there's like an attractive stacks on the shelves. So if I reach up and try to get them, they'll all fall down. But he's got like three fat novels premiums got literally this is not an exaggeration, 73 million novellas, 72 million of those have won awards. And the other million are nominated for awards. So the fact that preemies gonna cry because I say you're not writing enough. Come on, Primi cum on pre me. We need a bookshelf cam. Indeed. I am actually considering, um, I got a couple of really cool neon signs for my birthday and I'm considering turning my desk around, getting rid of the green screen and letting y'all see the books behind me and the um neat signs and stuff.
But that that that calls requires a lot of movements of things and unhooking of wires and that's absolutely terrifying, frankly. So, we'll see, we shall see we have some questions because it is an A m a question for evil. What is the best tool to use to motivate your main character Now when you're using things to motivate your bank, when you're writing any of your characters, any of them, whether they're just like you or a different race, a different gender, different religion, um always ask yourself what would I do in that situation? And if you would be motivated by an ice cream sundae, because I would be, which is why all of my characters have ice cream sundaes somewhere in the book. Then write the motivation being an ice cream sundae.
If you just got your heart broken. Trying to put romance in your book, take the romance out of your book because you clearly would not fall in love right now because right now sucks because you just got your heart broken. You need to take your current life and map it onto each character and that will show you what motivates them. I mean, isn't that obvious how many editing passes do you do on your work? Even more? Editing passes? Editing passes are for amateurs. Ask that lady in Scotland or Stephen King, you write the book, you turn the book in, you collect the money and oh the dump trucks full of money that they will back up to your house once editors stop getting their dirty little fingers on your manuscript, boy, howdy even more. What do I do if I lose inspiration for a project? Will you quit the project? You can't write without inspiration?
Everybody knows that. I mean it's not like this is a job, this is art and we will do it as art and we can only create art and were inspired. So you lose inspiration for the project you're working on. Clearly it's your subconscious saying this is not a good thing, we should not do it. Let's do something else. Follow that gut feeling. You should really always follow your instincts when you're writing even more. Should I reply to a rejection email for a story and point out to them why they're wrong. Indeed, always. That's a that's an excellent question, Daniel and I am really glad you asked it because as I said, editors like to get their grubby fingers and things and sometimes their grubby fingers hit the rejection button when they really meant to hit the the the acceptance button and you can, you know, take care of yourself and and just make sure that you get that sail by telling them clearly you've made a mistake.
I understand how things are difficult. So with the rejection button and the acceptance button right beside each other, you hit the wrong one. But tell them that you're an understanding author even more should probably have very strong opinions on the pronunciation of G. I. F. Yes, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care. But she does talk about herself in the 3rd person. I'm checking for more questions. You actually heard that advice from a guy who wrote a book about writing book, multiple books a year. Guy writes a couple of 1000 words a day and edits none of it. Artistic vision, man, your subconscious knows where it wants to go, let it give it the wheel even more. How can I tell my agent to go back to editors and ask for way more money? Well the first thing you do is you tell them tell the agent to tell the editors that you have turned into a white dude.
It just happened that will automatically get you too another echelon of income. The second thing to do is remind them that $100,000 is a small advance. This is quoted from the ceo of penguin, Random house. So clearly they know what they're talking about $100,000. A small advance. So all you have to do is tell your agent to go to the editor and ask for a small advance. That's what I'm planning on doing. Should I write all my books like government program application guides? I don't even know what they are, but you gotta listen to your music, Shauna, you listen to the music and you will know what to write. And if your muse says government application guides, government program application guides, then you, you have your way lit the muses there. The muse has the lantern listen to the muse. She's never ever wrong. Should I count my chickens before they hatch? Of course. Ah what if I'm already a white dude daniel?
That's a brilliant question. You have to become more of a white dude. I recommend saying bro a lot that might get you there. What should I tell beta readers who say my plot doesn't make sense. That is when you stand on the table and if this is like a virtual beta reader, you have to go to their house and stand on the table um wear a mask. I think you can afford them that kind of um consideration because you're going to go and you're going to stand on their table and you're going to tell them they're wrong. It is that action of standing on the table. That will get them to pay attention to you and realize the error of their ways. This also works um, on editors. If you can find their home addresses, can I learn how to write? Goodly or if I just don't have the talent. Am I out of luck? Yeah, I think you can learn. But the best way to do it is to get plot into your head as fast as possible. And the way to do that is to not read at all, but to watch television and movies, because television and movies have plots and characters.
And by that storytelling across media Is, you know, it's it's it's all comparing apples to apples to apples. It's all the same thing. So you can intake more to learn with a two hour movie than a 300,000 word book. Well, starving. That's a big question. I have a great idea for a story, but my muse is telling me to play video games. How much should I sell the idea for. Okay, so, um, the first thing you need to do is go on, you have to play something online. Um, Overwatch, Fortnite. Um, I don't know, what else are the kids playing where you can chat and yell obscenities at people. Um, any of those games and you need to find somebody. And so as you're playing with someone, you need to find a writer and sell them your idea and I think that's the fastest way to do it definitely even more.
What should I do if I realize I made a big mistake in an early chapter that completely ruins the continuity in the later chapters, um go back and fix it immediately. In fact start the book over from word one and make sure that everything lines up perfectly continuity wise, if you ever make a mistake, you have to go back to square one because only then will you know when you hit the end of your book, you'll know that you are um The book is perfect under Pope. See you don't even need me, you're already there. If you're if you're already a white dude, be sure to become a university professor who has an affair with a student so you can write a biography and sell it. That is brilliant. I should be learning from you because that is clearly awesome. Does the standing on tables approach work at cons with potential agents and editors?
Um It does it really it's really good at cons because if you're at a panel you can stand on the table and have all of the agents and editors and authors on the panel b at the same table. So you're like making your impression multiple times. It's really efficient actually. What's the best wording? If I want to email a famous author to ask them to edit my draft novel for free. Okay, the best wording is um at famous author. This is good on twitter at famous author. Check out my new book and send me any comments that you might have or send it on to your agent but you know those famous authors like to pretend that they're busy so what you wanna do is you want to copy that message and then send it to another user name over and over and over and over and over again because that will ensure that your message gets out to as many people as possible and they'll all feel special because you put their user name in the very beginning.
So that is how you spread the word. That is how you get a beta beta read draft comment thing because they'll be knowing that you you had the confidence to contact them because not a lot of people do. People are afraid to talk to celebrities trust me. I know if I write on tv with a sharpie, does that count as a sitcom screenplay? That is a good question I would say yes except it's it's hard to mail your tv to somebody. I don't have to think on that. It's it's innovative but not sure if it'll work. How do I develop a brand as a writer. You know, I think your brand needs to be no brand. I think you need to talk on as many social media platforms as you can about as many things as you can. One really good thing to do is to go to other people's conversations and reply and insert yourself even if you don't know anything.
If someone says, hey, twitter, does anybody know the bus schedule in Chicago? You can write back? No, I don't and people will know that you listened and heard them and they'll appreciate that and that will be your brand that you are everywhere with opinions on everything and then they'll always know that if they need someone to write about the bus schedule in Chicago, you don't know about it. But you care, what do I do if someone writes a book, like the one I'm working on, Sue Sue them. Absolutely get yourself an entertainment lawyer and go sue their asses. You don't need like proof, just threaten them with a law that usually makes for like big settlement money, Sue the hell out of them even more. You are so evil. I can practically see lines of evilness radiating off your head Nate.
I didn't put that effect in there. Let's just say it's already happening. If a famous author refuses to provide a blurb from my book, how long do I wait to flame them on twitter, huh? That, you know, it's, it's really speaks a lot that you want to wait and I think my first inclination would be to to flame them immediately. But I think you should wait until your book comes out and then as part of your promotion crap on the other author for not blurting it. I think that will get you the most attention at the best time. It's december the first. I just finished my nanowrimo book. What do I do next, Ravens creations, You know what to do next? You write the end, even if you're not done because the agent and editor will be really impressed that you wrote 50,000 words in a month, you write the end and then you mail it off and then you treat yourself to something nice. I've heard other writers are not my competition. Is that true? Primi if other writers were not your competition, would they have cage matches at conventions?
I don't think so. The cage matches proved that we are all each other's competition. And I am really looking forward to, you know, kicking charlie jane Anders ass. I'm sorry, I can't do it. I love charlie jane. I have to tell you this, charlie jane is amazing. I love her so much. I'm not gonna kick her ass. Even if there were cage matches at cons had to break character. Sorry, Where should I submit my 100,000 word picture book? Wow, I don't know. But that really sounds like it needs to be a good new um genre, I'd say start with Children's book. Uh, publishers because they don't nearly have enough to read from. The author has been blocked by Hugo. Award winning authors. I love that daniel. I love that. As a, as a that's that's something to put on your, your book cover and your business card. aren't all others who are good required to have mustaches.
No jasmine, it's the evil ones that have mustaches. That's how you can tell us apart. We learned it from star trek. How should I prepare for my first convention cage mint? Um, I'd say go around and threaten people in your neighborhood. I'd say that would be the best way to get some practice. You could join a gym. But you know those boxing gyms, they have, they have rules, they don't like fight on the street like us. They've got rules about, you know, eye gouging and wearing protective gear. You know, just go around your neighborhood and threaten people. No one in my workshop group liked my story. How should I respond? Um, Gosh, christian writing, there's so many things you could do. Uh, one rage quit. That is a good one, flipping the table, setting something on fire. Um, flaming everybody publicly. That's a good way to do it. Um, you could stay in the workshop, try to take it over and create new rules about how everyone knows that you are infallible. Um, try to stay in the workshop and flame everybody.
Then you get the best of all the worlds. So um, you know, you have many options, how much should I pay people to publish my book as much money as you have because it is worth everything. You have to be a published author because when you pay all your money to be a published author, that means you'll sell more books and you'll get more money, What's the one and only proper writing software to use? And can I write a book if I use anything else? Primi If you're not writing a book with a $4,000 fountain pen, I don't even want to talk to you and you know, which pen I'm talking about, if you're not doing that, it's not worth it. Don't be a writer, you're you're not, you're not there evil murders plagiarism. Really that bad? Of course it isn't. Everyone says that we're just going off of a handful of plots. That's obviously plagiarism.
Right? So no, it's not that bad. It's what we're all doing already. Um, I don't even have comedy points on my channel, but under Pope, if I had them, you'd get one that was well done for those of you listening at home. Daniel writes evil plagiarism that bad under Pope writes evil murders, plagiarism really that bad. So, um, I'll hit the a button for that. That was should I blame my beta readers when they fix my stuff and tell me things are wrong. Well, yeah, definitely. I mean when you finish a book, you're finished finished, that's what finished means, that's what the end means. It means you're done writing. So why anybody would tell you you've done anything wrong, that just means it's not for them. If I can't write thousands of words every day, should I give up writing? Um definitely only people who have the time and health to write thousands of words a day will be writers.
You you have to no exceptions, checks. Notes, depends on other six, depend on others to succeed and then step on them on the way up. Indeed broken symmetry. That's exactly what you do. Is there a union for evil authors? Yes, but they told me to keep you out. Unfortunately they're evil. You see what if I disagree with any of my editor's comments? Um you need to send the manuscript back with green pen, uh writing stet dammit or harder, harsher words. Um all over it and don't like make neat comments in a word duck. We're talking. If they didn't send you a physical copy, you need to print it out and then write all over it, stat stat stat stat stat I actually was thinking about getting tattooed on my hands, but I don't know what I would tattoo on the other one. What do I do if I can't find an agent who will accept my work, become an agent, Cut out the middleman, become an agent.
And then as an agent, send your work to editors, come on guys, You know, the answers to this, You guys are asking me simple questions. Any advice on creating controversy around myself to help raise awareness of my brand. Oh yes, you need to write some uh offend as many people as possible because as the unsinkable molly Brown said there's no such, the only thing worse about people talking about you is people not talking about you or something like that. I think it was her might have been Chandler being, I'm not sure step for station eternity, right? A primi nice. All the characters in my book must be carbon copies of me and my pets with no diversity. Of course, that's how you write, write what you know, you know how to be you. So every character should be you. It looks like I've caught up with all the questions. I think we're gonna end it here for the feed. Um, if you have any questions for evil more or good more let me know, just tell me who you're talking.
Well if you, if you email me you'll be talking to uh good mur unless you want an even more response might be more at gmail dot com is where to find email that and you can find me at dot com uh I should be writing and ditch diggers are findable on any podcast here that you, you like and I'm at twitch dot tv slash my team are when, when I live stream, I'm gonna be taking a couple of episodes off so I can prepare to get my kids to school and go to world concert, I'll be back in september and if you're going to world con drop by one of my panels or just come say hi, I'll be looking forward to seeing people Yeah, you can find me on twitter might twitch, mighty those that's where I'm most active. So uh I'm gonna head on to the bar con if you want to hear the rest of the bar con, which is where I chat more with the people in the chat um either come to come to a live stream or you can support the Patreon, which I forgot to mention at patreon dot com slash and you'll get all of these episodes and you'll get them early and a variety of other shiny shiny things.
So uh thank you for listening and see you next time. Until then you should be writing and don't listen to evil, she's evil, pretty much do the opposite of everything I just said, mhm I should be writing, it's available to you under a creative commons attribution. Noncommercial, no derivatives license, theme music by john and helio art by numbers, ninja production by summer brooks and hosting by lipson. Find all this information and more at dot com and remember we can't do this without you. Thanks for your support riding, working on my friends, my next watching the doctor watching doctor