IQ Meets EQ Podcast

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Ep72 Curation of Life

by Jacqui Brauman
August 25th 2021

In this episode, Jacqui turns the tables and interviews an interviewer - Faye Waterman is generally known as The Conversation Curator. She helps SME business owners... More

Welcome to the podcast. I'm Jacqui Brauman principal solicitor at T B A and C E O of Legal Wise Women. And I'm here with Ush Dhanak, former corporate lawyer, then head of HR and now an emotional intelligence coach. Morning. Morning Jacqui, how are you going? I'm all right. Last time we spoke, victoria wasn't in lockdown and you guys were and then now we're in lockdown. We're bouncing around like crazy. So, I've joined, you know? I know. I wish we could say we went in lockdown this time. No, but we are. It's funny because I talked to my friends in the UK and they've got so much freedom back there, like doing everything. The masks, no social distancing. I mean, they're vaccination rates through the roof though. But it's like really bizarre going what? You're actually going out for dinner? Are you talking about what you're going to the movies? What's that like? Again, that's what? Oh, the movies. I've forgotten about those. I mean, so even going to show them on the big screen anymore.

So yeah, it's really interesting seeing them have their freedom back. Getting so excited by it. Crazy. Yeah, I mean, last year, in some respects, I mean, Victoria did the 12 week lockdown in the middle of the year, but and, you know, opposed to other countries. We were fairly lucky. They were looked down like that, you know, the whole year of life. So yeah. Good on them for for getting it sorted. Exactly. Yeah. So what is still normal in your life? My training? Yeah. Great. So been training? Yeah. That's pretty much the only normal thing I've got. It feels like that moment though Does gear come and go though from each of your houses? She does yeah but she's really taken it in her stride so she's just been oh yeah mom's this week dad's next week in home school it's like yeah easy but she she's a bit of an introvert so for her really it's absolutely fine. Yeah I don't have to talk to people she doesn't mind.

She's like you have to be in my own do my own thing. So yeah she's been she's been good but I'm apartment hunting I should say house hunting. Oh really? How long have you been in that once? Nearly 12 months? Yes in 12 months and they're going to be selling so I'm going to have to move so but that's just a ridiculous shortage of apartments at the moment. I think everyone who's working from home once once more space so there's loads of one bad departments but to find the two or three badly screwed. Mhm. Within hours they're going hours and unseen just on unseen and increased rent. So there was a house that was put up two hours around. They were like oh yeah we'll let you know when the open houses and then um on the website about three hours later it says deposit taken and like around the world as well. Is that about it And they said yeah they paid us 100 bucks a week more in rent than the asking twice. Oh wow. So that's that's my life at the moment, House hunting.

Mhm. Yeah. Otherwise good. You said last week you were doing 75 hard. Yeah, it's hard. It's actually pretty good. But you know what, I lost weight this week. So it's the only thing that's got me to lose weight. So it's clearly done something maybe two training sessions a day. But yeah, yeah, maybe great. Maybe that's good. Yeah, snap lock down for like a week and yeah, I know how bizarre because Melbourne is still in lockdown but they've released original. You know, it's just bouncing around and the Last few weekends because this is lockdown number six for us. The last two times we've had a snap lock down, the weekends have just been cold and miserable so they've been fined so lockdown but this weekend just gone was just beautiful and it was just such a pity like you can really start feeling people getting itchy to do things on the weekend and you know, sports stops and events stop and everything stops.

Yeah. Yeah. So I just feel a little bit exhausted from it all really? Yeah, I think as everyone isn't it, it's just the uncertainty of everything. I was talking to a friend of mine in the UK who's like very high e human sq as well. And he's like there's nothing of this that you can control because you've got to be inflow and he goes, the moment you inflow, then you're just going to feel better because when you try to control it is like, it's not gonna, you're just gonna feel worse. So he's right. It's hard though to be inflow, but he's absolutely right, mm hmm. And it is an interesting lesson to realize how little we actually do control in our life. Like it is all really just a bit of an illusion that we have any control really. We have done, all we can really do is sort of trying to arrange our little routine in our day. Exactly, that's it. That's all we can do. So I spoke with Faye Waterman actually two weeks ago. So before I spoke to natalia that I spoke with Faye, I know say because she runs her own radio show and she's had me on once for a big to our segment.

So that was a long conversation. But she has been in business for herself most of her life. She has been a personal trainer, she's worked in the fitness industry, she's been a registered training organization, then she's trained in tapes, She's done workplace training and then sort of after doing all those things and having some soul searching. She's come back around to running this radio show and and really getting people's stories out of them. So let's have a listen to faith. So Faye, thank you, Welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me, Jacqui. It's, it's an honor and a little bit nerve wracking to have to talk about yourself. I'm glad you said that because I know you being the interview are, you know, you do radio, you do a lot, a whole lot of interviewing of people for facebook and various other videos for Youtube and things like that. And you said you were nervous. So there you go. Everyone, even the professionals get nervous.

Yes. It's really quite interesting to think about what I do. I don't think about it much these days. It just happens. But when I'm on the other side and really thinking about having to talk about myself, it's different. This the feeling is different. So yeah, we'll be gentle. Thank you. So I've obviously known you for a couple of years in the context now, but I know that you've had a very, very career going all the way back to when you're at school. What did you actually want to be when I was at school or when I was little, I always wanted to be a princess and to marry a prince box. That changed quickly when I saw the lives that they lied and I thought I don't want to have that kind of lifestyle, what I wanted to be, I wasn't really sure.

So my career path evolved in different stages. When I left school I went in to retire, I left home at the age of 16 and I then moved and I had the responsibility of looking after myself and I moved into the area of retail, which I really enjoyed. Then I just moved through different different I suppose jobs or career paths, it was office work, ADM in that sort of thing, which I didn't really like and still don't like today, but it's a necessary evil. And then I fell into the health and fitness industry where it was, someone asked me if I'd like to teach an exercise class and I thought Why not never done it before in my life. So I started off teaching exercise classes, but I absolutely loved it and I used to teach anywhere between 10 or 15 and 20 classes a week.

So I was pretty well, pretty fit at that stage and that inspired me to start my own business in educating and training people who wanted to work in the fitness industry. So I set up my own business called fit Personnel Future in training and became an RTO a registered training organization as a sole trader and ran nationally accredited courses. I helped set up part of the Fitness Leader course which was back then to educate and train people to work in the different aspects of the fitness industry and some of those people are still working in the industry that I actually trained or helped train. I ran courses conferences, seminars, workshops, any time there came a new piece of equipment, I would make sure that person who was the expert in the field in that piece of equipment, they would come and they would train the instructors in those pieces of equipment.

If they wanted to teach in it, then that was fine. If they didn't, that was fine as well. I did that for about 10 years. And as an rto, you're audited so you have to, I'm going to say conform, you have to, yeah, you do, you have to conform to the RTO status and make sure that all the I's are dotted and the T s are crossed. And so I'd be audited every year. And one of the ladies used to say to me, hey, why do you put yourself through this? And I said, because I've worked so hard to get here. But when you, when I was a salt trader, I did everything on my own and it was a pretty tough geek. So I was running the courses, I was also trying to keep the admin and everything in place, which, which I did not too badly every now and then there was something that I need to fix, but they give me the opportunity to do that. I also taught in the industry as well and you know, in all areas of a fitness instructor, Akwa personal trainer, those sorts of things.

And when I came toward the end, before I stopped teaching, I was teaching older adults and that was absolutely fabulous because they had so many stories, they were inspirational. They just loved coming to class. Some of them living on their own and the only human contact they had was when, when they came to class and others traveled the world and had lots of stories to share. We used to celebrate and I used to teach aquifer for them as well and we get in the pool if it was someone's birthday, we'd use the kick boards and reduce them as platters so that they could have a chocolate and a champagne in the pool, which was totally illegal. We did, we did it, we did it and we had so much fun and so then I ceased doing that and I went into education and training in the private and public sectors. I did, you know, negotiation, leadership, communication, those sorts of things.

And then from there I went into the tax system and did similar things. I moved from Tasmania to Melbourne and got two positions in two different tapes. So I taught in one to fitness and in the other top, I taught sport diploma and sport development and sport and recreation than I taught vehicle and vet as well. And the challenges with the vehicle students was really interesting because some of the students that were really disruptive with the best, the best kids to teach and when you develop that trust with them, you could get them to do anything and they could see the brilliance inside them themselves because they so they had someone to trust from there. I think I became a little bit of a lost soul for And maybe 18 months or so when I stopped because the government stopped funding the fitness industry, the massage industry, all that in the tape system.

So a lot of people lost their jobs, they closed the department's down and they had to go and find other jobs. So I did some started doing networking and I didn't know what working was when I first started it. But you know, it was a really good thing because you've got to know people, you've got to know what people did and I met some really amazing people along the way. Yeah. And then I wrote a book, it was it wasn't a book that I intended on writing, but someone asked me for help and then I just sort of fell into the stories of domestic violence. So I wrote a book on the real stories about real people's lives. And then I moved into, I've, ever since I was I suppose in my mid thirties I've always wanted my own radio show on tv show. Yeah. And it took me a long time to build the confidence to even go and find out how you became a radio broadcaster, announcer or host what if you want to call it?

Once I did I did the training and I started my show. My first show was a very interesting show because it wasn't really what my intention was, it was playing music and I've had it all planned and it was interesting. I was very nervous but five years down the track I've had some amazing conversations with some amazing people. We've laughed, we've cried with five. There's been no words to speak when some people have shared their stories. So I'm honored that people come into my studio and feel comfortable with sitting there and sharing their story and sharing a story about things that I've never told anyone. And so I'm I'm honored with that. My next step is to create a radio a T. V. Show which I'm kind of working on now.

So yes but I've had a very varied and and interesting I suppose career path. I'm also a library technician. When I was in my 20's I did the library technician course and I set up a library for the physical education branch in Hobart from scratch and put all the dewey system in. Did all the referencing, did all that sort of stuff and so that people all over the state the pe teachers could borrow borrow the books and that worked well. So yeah this is just some of what I've done. You seem like a life learner. You know the theme throughout seems to be continuous improvement of yourself and then helping others improve as well when you started in the fitness industry where you a bit of a fitness junkie at that time, I used to walk and yeah, I played a lot of sports and I played squash and I I played netball.

So I was an eighth grader and squash and a greater in netball. I did have a go at admitting but I didn't really like that when I was younger, I was always doing athletics and that sort of thing. So I suppose it was just an extension of what I'd done as far as health and fitness goes and yeah, I don't play sport now, but I walk my fitness is my walking and cycling. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah. So back when you were an RTO all by yourself, it seems like that must have been the cusp of sort of creating all these qualifications and things that were for, that seem fairly standard now for the fitness industry, you know the did various certificates and then the little extra qualifications for certain training and those sort of things, were they developing that as you were training, it was being developed, I helped develop what was then, which is different to now they advertise, it is becoming a personal trainer now, but when I used to run it you'd have to go through each area.

So you become an aerobic instructor which is now a group exercise instructor, you become an aqua instructor, instructor for kids or pregnancy or specialist in an area, gym instructor or a personal trainer. But you have to do each segment and get X amount of time. And usually two years of experience in the industry before you can move on to the next thing and you'd have supervision and all that sort of stuff. Which doesn't happen that No. So it's a very different kettle of fish to what it used to be as to oppose to what it is now. And Yeah, I suppose I'm unbeknownst to myself, been a learning a lifelong learning journey of experiences. Some have been scary and not been successful and others have been the driving force to move me to the next level or the next step in where I've I am going in my life.

Mm And I never see myself retiring. I see myself as a continual learner and a continual what would I say? Support for business owners to help them build their profile and their brand awareness. And when I say brand awareness, I mean self image the image behind the brand. Because people want to know like and trust the people that they work with, People do business with people, not what you do. And they like to get to know like I can trust you before they'll do business with you. So it's developing that relationship that report with you before. They will do that business with you. And it's it's building that confidence. And what I say is confidence matters. Mm hmm. Yes. And it is a starting to build a community within that confidence matters so that people can come in and share their moments, their experiences and no that they have to support behind them to go further.

Mm The storytelling is very powerful. And you know what you facilitate as an interview are to draw out the story in a way that makes it even more engaging is very valuable. But I wanted to go back because in your own story, you described that 18 months or so when you felt fairly lost before you sort of made the pivot to start really looking at people's stories. How Challenger was that 18 months and what helped you help guide you to the next phase? I guess it was it was challenging because I I did really feel lost what it was, was starting to do the networking and seeing what other people were doing. And I called it a transition. So I transitioned out of the teaching phase and that transition, I didn't know where it was going to take me. So Yeah. And I think I started to lack a bit of confidence.

I started to doubt myself my abilities to be able to do some of the things that I know I could do very well. It's that kind of self talk. So I started doing more professional development, more self development, looking at myself and myself talk and who I am and you know what my purpose is, what my vision is for myself, but also my vision for what I do now and what my purpose for helping others is, and it's really interesting because I love to see success with people and that excites me, the more success I see that people have and get the more I want to help help others and through conversation, what happens is I managed to be able to bring out their brilliance to get them to see what they're capable of and and to understand that they can achieve whatever they want, it's just having the desire, making the decision, taking the steps to the next level, and if they need that nurturing and that support through there, I'm happy to do that as well as some of the practical things, like helping get the content that they have out of their brains and into a format.

Yes, Yeah, that's quite interesting. Yes, so yes, what I do now is with the conversations, I take that and build a content that they can put up on any platform that they use on social media or whatever it may be, whatever platform it is, and I think that also builds credibility and visibility for each person as well, and that is also developing that, know, like, and trust people get to know you and understand what you do, and I think that's a really important part because being in business, you can say you're a solicitor, but what is the solicitor, what does the solicitor actually do and understanding that, because there's a lot of layers of each business and you can say I'm a coach, but yeah, I'm a life coach, but what's a life coach, what do you actually do, who do you work with? Why do you do that? And it's giving people the understanding of where they come from and what they, what problems they can actually solve for their clients.

Do you see the other theme there as well, which was when you were at to how much rewarding or how fulfilling it was for you to see the v tail students achieve and now it's very similar because you feel so fulfilled by seeing someone succeed and wanting to help them through that as well. Another theme, Yeah, it is, but it's sort of all on the same level or line, isn't it? It's just just the next step for the next part of the progression to, I think that I've always supported and helped people along the way. It doesn't matter what it is that they have done and uh you know, being a good listener I suppose, and I haven't always been a good listener, I've I've learned to be a good listener, I've learned to pick up on things that are not said when someone says something, you listen to what they're saying, but you also listen to what they're not saying to then come as part of your training is it, no part of you being a trainer rather I think so and a funny thing is when I used to have my back to the students and because they bring their phones in, I just say such and such to put your phone away and they'd say, how do you know him?

Yes, that I've got my phone. I said because I'm a mother and I've got eyes in the back of my head, just just little things like that. And I remember taking a group of students who were quite disruptive and didn't want to do their work. And I said to them one day I said, if you get your work done, I said, I've got a surprise for you. And they said, what's the surprise? I said, well if if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise would it? So I took, I said okay. And they got their work done kind of. So I took them across to the shopping center and I said, you can choose a drink and I'll buy you a drink. And they said, no teacher, We've never been into the shopping center with a teacher before. I said, well they don't need to know that I'm a teacher anyway, They choose their drinks. They sat, some were so grateful that I did that for them and others couldn't have cared less, but that's part and parcel of some of the students and how, how they, well what their life situation is really.

So and they were, they were medical students and yeah, but I used to say, I used to take their phones off them and put them in a box in the middle of the, but what if I have an important phone call me is I say, well, too bad during class when they come in with hoodies on. I say take your hoody off, but why miss? And I say because you don't leave his in class and so they would do that. And I think it's developing a respect for me in the first and then respecting them as students as well. And you get that two way street, but if you're there just dominating and not giving them the opportunity to be able to relax and feel that they should be in that situation then what are they there for? So there's, yeah, they're listening and the empathy from of their situation and the encouragement to try and build them up and all those things you really built a toolkit to get through and help them achieve.

It sounds really interesting how probably develop those things on the job to make sure that, you know, yeah, that they, they got through and yeah, I think it's, it's looking at the fairness of it all. It's not actually judging them for what they look like, all their behavior, it's going beyond that and looking at what's inside and what they're, what they're searching for and you know, I had a couple of students that I really remember and one of them was a girl and she, her mother left and her father was raising her and she had brothers. She was just like she was worse, her behavior was worse than boys. But she turned that around and wanted to join the army. So we got it to do that and there was another young fellow who was very disruptive, but it was very good graffiti. So I had allowed him to do graffiti on the, on the blackboard and he learned to trust me and have conversations that he would never have with anyone, anyone.

So you know, it's very interesting when you allow for that, I don't know what you would call it. But yeah, just understanding where they're coming from or not really understanding but wanting to understand where they come from and giving them the benefit of the doubt to prove themselves without judgment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To give them a chance to be their own person. Um and again, like the through line is now you help people grow their confidence as well. Yeah. It's just a different context. So yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. What about what a pass, what would you go back and tell your 21 year old self what advice would you have for that? That girl, what would I have for her? I think because I am one of nine Children And number five and I felt like I really didn't fit in.

I would say it doesn't matter where you come from or what's going on in your life. Just be the best you can be at any time and be willing to learn and grow what sounds like you were though? Well, yeah, I suppose I was but I never realized it as my young self. It was only later in life that I've realized the ability that I have to be able to help and support others. Yeah. So I mean you're we are serving others. As you say, you're there to help and build other people up. What do you do for yourself to make sure that you're well, what have you built into your days to to help with that? Well, my morning, my weekly morning routine is waking up at five AM. Yes. And I do a few rituals, I might say a few affirmations or something like that and do some breathing.

I get up, I get dressed if I've got time, I might make a coffee before I go for my walk. But if I don't go for my walk in the mornings, I don't go for it at all. So I make sure that I walk in the mornings I come back and I have my breakfast and I might sometimes sit and read for half an hour before I start work. So that's kind of my warnings. I showered and dressed into all those normal things. Then during the day I will start work around, I say nine o'clock sometimes it might be earlier than that and I give myself a time for self care. So in my planner, I have a physical planner and I haven't been automated calendar And in that I have the same things, but I have the reminder that comes up and says self care and that's 20 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes a day. And it is, I could sit, I just do some meditation, I can reflect on what's going on.

I can read or I have a name in app and then I get on with the rest of my day. So, but my, my walking is my sanity, my walking by the beach and feeling that fresh air and listening to the waves and the water roll up onto the beach or onto the rocks or the wind, you know, and that's my pleasure and and that's my way of starting the day. Set your day up. I love that concept of the pause though, in the middle of the day somewhere as well. Very consciously actually building in and being disciplined enough to do it as well instead of just going, oh yeah, it's important. But it never actually happens. And that's what happened for a long time. And then I decided no, I'm important, my health and well being is important. Therefore I need to do for me as well. And it's not about working harder, It's about working smarter?

It's not about working long hours. It's been it's about planning, planning your day and giving yourself space in the day to be you be present with who you are and know what you want are. It's that awareness, it's creating that awareness around who you are. We were and what you want in your life and what you want to be. What do you want? Not necessarily what are your needs, but what do you want? And making a decision, creating that awareness around making the decisions to take steps to move forward and the challenges. People throw challenges in front of you all the time and they'll say what are you doing that for or they'll have, you can't do that, you know, the naysayers, but what you have to do is have the will and the strength and the courage to say this is my life, this is what I want, not what you want for me and being and conform to what others want.

And conformity is something like pleasing people. It is, you know, if you're in a relationship is please conforming to please someone when you're not really pleasing yourself. So you have to have that awareness of what you actually want in your life, it's not necessarily to destroy a relationship or anything like that, but it's important two be in the moment and be you. Yeah, we're getting to the gold now faye Yeah, when you started implementing this pause in your day with discipline. Has that only been the last couple of years or when did that line up with what you've been doing? It's I suppose it's only really been in the last couple of years that I've allowed myself to pause to reflect on who I am and where I where I'm getting in the future and what I want in my life.

And it astounds me sometimes because I've moved a couple of times in the last, well, I've moved once and I'm moving again. And people have said, you don't have to compromise. And I'm thinking, oh, I don't know. I don't, yes. You will know. I won't. I'm saying to myself, but I'm not responding and I'm thinking I will get what I want when the time is right and it's believing in yourself. It's that belief within you to say this is what I want and this is what I'm going to have. Yes, there might be some compromises. But the big thing is that you get what you want. It might be a small compromise. And I keep proving that to myself all the time that if I listen to others and conform to them, I'll never have the life that I want. I'll have the life that they want for me. And that's not how it works. It's not how it works.

You you are an individual and you deserve to have what you choose to have in your life. And it doesn't mean to say that you have to the judgmental to others or anything. And I I can say that when I was younger I could judge, I would be very judgment. So I look at someone and I get a feel for him and I think there's something about that person I don't like and sometimes it would be right. So I'd go with my gut feeling, but judgment. What is it? Because when we look at someone else and we judge them, what are we doing? We're looking at what we don't like in ourselves and judging ourselves really. So it's all about giving yourself that space to be you and no truly who you want to be. Yes. It sounds very important. It's certainly something that my co host Bush has been telling me to build in some space throughout the day or not even every day.

But you know, I'm hearing it for from a number of places and now you've just again reiterated the importance of it, but also expanded on that as well. Yeah, thank you for that insight and thank you for I guess being an example of someone who has been able to put that in as a discipline. So, and it is a discipline. But it's something that's actually once you it becomes second nature to you. It's like getting up and showering and brushing your teeth and going for your walk, going for you. Well, it is just part of what you do every day and reading is a really important part of what I do now too because I would I wouldn't do that because I thought I never had time. But if you plan you plan these things into your day then you make time for them and it does happen. Mm So planning and it's not it's not you don't have enough time, it's that you haven't planned your activities within the time to make them happen.

Yeah, so true. Yes, if you don't plan whatever you do will take up whatever time that you have and then you'll run out for the things that you didn't plan in. So yeah that absolutely is so true. So plan for the unexpected. Say I really want to thank you, I know that you were nervous but your story is so beneficial for everyone to hear. Really grateful that you agreed to switch roles and I appreciate you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity, Jackie, it's been a pleasure and I was nervous. So good, good, good. You're amazing. Thank you. Thank you. I think what sort of stands out for me is just like you said before inflow. I feel like faith has sort of allowed things to happen in her life and jumped at opportunities as they've come. Um and that's generally the way she approaches things.

She doesn't seem to be one of these pushes in life that pushes and tries to make things happen. She is really flowed and she talks about finding herself and I think she has. Mm I agree. Like listening to that story. Even her her tone, her manner, it was just so calm and just easy and you're absolutely right. It's like all these opportunities have come and there's there's a common theme in them all. You know like the continuous learning but the defense there but she sort of just embraced whatever's come her way. Yeah. I found the library one the most interesting before that would have been pretty cool. Yeah. I hope our library Yes and so different in some ways. Although organizing and cataloging, I suppose you have to be fairly meticulous if you're also putting together a training program to then be registered as a, that's what I mean, the theme RT Oh yeah. And then to be checked every year in the audit for the RTO is just as encompass um, I think his bloody getting the R.

T. O. So yeah, that theme definitely runs there through for her. Um, and then I think, you know, I think she's built up all of these amazing qualities and skills through that, which really showed how she was when she was teaching. Yes. And being able to really get the best out of those kids. Mm it Does really show this EQ component doesn't 100% such a strong like with the systematic approach to things and yet a deep understanding of how to lift people up mm and and the ability to connect like that right as well. And you know the the listening, the empathy and you know, I think the other interesting thing she was saying that around those kids was you know, letting them be who they needed to be without judgment without wanting to change them. But then using that is a basis of trust mm to go you know what I'm going to give you the leeway to do what you need to do or let you embrace what you want to do.

Like VT But then you need to give me something and meet me halfway. Yeah. Yeah. Making them a bit responsible for their own lives as well. Instead of playing victim which I think may be a lot of them might have been. Mm mm But it takes a certain personality though to be that in slow we're talking about flow earlier but to go you know what this is what I'm gonna do And then the next opportunity I'm going to go for and I'm going to do as well without worry about. Does it stack up in what a normal career should look like? Yes. I think that that's what you've just articulated is almost the most confronting thing about the way they approaches life for me Because it is a bit of the opposite. Like I actively seek things out and actively try to make things happen and actively push rather than just sitting back and looking around and going, oh look at that, look at that chase after that, there's the next thing. Yeah, it's quite unique. It is, but that's a classic example, right?

That if you're not forcing things that opportunities will come doors will open, right? Because you're actually in that space to pause and look and go, oh what is around me right now, what is it that I want to do as opposed to being, you know, so single focus, like probably you and I are a little bit around what is next to making it fit in with the concept that we have in our own minds that to the point that we can potentially miss amazing opportunities and and not see things that are right in front of us because we have the perception of what we should be doing or perception that it aligns like if you ever left the law, you know, I'm sure you already in your own mind of policies, what I would want to do or has to be fitting into something like this, this, this, I know I didn't, I left the law there was like, oh how close to the Lord can it be? But why does it have to be uh why can't it just be something totally different to what we've done, but we're so conditioned, aren't we to go, no, no, no, that's failure, You can't do that, That's right.

We'll look to be honest, I have fantasized about going back and stacking shelves that were worse. Yeah. I applied for a job to do that when I left my government job. I was like, I do not want to do anything that I need to think no offense to people start shells, but comparatively to the job I was in, I think. Yeah. And I did. I applied for a job. Yeah. Yeah. I think that, you know, a year or two doing that would be a great break for your brain. Like it uses a different part of your brain. Obviously, it's not solving the problems constantly that get dumped on you every day, but it's our own conditioning. We talk about that a lot in these podcasts. It's our it's our stories isn't that we tell ourselves, uh well, if we leave this career, we need to find something that still fits within the realm moves. What is professional unacceptable? Oh, really? You left a lot of stack shelves. What are you talking about? My, because I want to, you know? Yeah, I think Face Face done an amazing job of that and just doing what she wants to do.

Yeah. Without it having to be so connected to what she did before, but it takes balls to do that and own it and be comfortable with it and then actually embrace it and enjoy what you're doing. Yes, Because that's another element, isn't it? Like she wasn't resentful or didn't seem to be resentful that the industry had changed and she reinvented herself. It was just go with the flow. It was only that period where she had a bit of a personal crisis or just didn't know what was going to be next. But it's almost like, well, that was a pattern as well. It was just a longer period than she's ever had before. Uh I don't I don't look at that as a personal crisis. I go, what a great opportunity actually to be in a position where you go, what am I now going to do? You know, I've thought about it, That's the time I thought, well, if I ever don't do it here anymore, what the hell would I do? And I'd be like, you know what, I'm going to do something totally random, totally random.

That might be there in my 50s doing, I don't nobody interior decorating or something. Just totally random. Nothing to do with anything that I'm doing, um hairdressing. Yeah. Yeah. Just one thing, right? Yeah. My whole career has been always in every job and I used to say it in a way that I was quite proud of it, but not anymore, but what is my next move? So I always used to stay in the job for about two or 33 years tops. And I was always going to be looking at what is my next promotion? What is my next thing? What am I going to do next and remember seeing meeting people going, why do you do that? I'm like, why are you not doing that sort of, you know that there's nothing wrong with them. There's something wrong with me? Well known either. It's just a different approach, isn't it? Different approach? But yeah, it's just refreshing to see, you know, and hear from someone that's just taken it and that's dried. That's right. And it's all worked out really well. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you know the other woman who did the same thing with Dennis, we spoke with her like a couple of months ago and her life was very much just go with the flow and and things arise and address them as they come and and had no particular plan in life. So two very wise women, you know, in the last couple of months that have had their life work out in amazing ways without having such a rigid plan. Mm hmm. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. I wonder if these are some of these little taps that for you and I that we're getting black. We always, I think every podcast we do. That's something for us in those around what do we take away and do in our lives? Yeah, I think I think the team for me Is Chloe out of this one. Mhm. And like I said before we hit record a friend of mine in the UK, you know, he was saying as well that as much as you've got the uncertainty he goes, the more you try and work out, you know when lockdown is gonna end, when vaccination rates will go up, when you get your freedom, the more restricted and the more upset you're gonna feel and he's like just being flow, what's happening is happening for a reason, just embrace it.

And I'm like, you know what, it's hard to do, but he is so right. Mhm Yes, it is very hard to do. As I said before, it's we have very little control really in our lives, but it's the perception that we've got some control and when it's taken away. I think that's mainly what we're upset about, isn't it? Yeah. The lack of freedom and lack of choice. Yes. Yes. And a lot of uncertainty about what life is going to be after. I mean we do look at the UK and europe and they seem to have gone back to close to normal. They have, yeah. But I wonder because it's not, it's not the real normal, it's there is still elements of hand sanitizer around the place and I think people there will be some people that are scared to be in crowds again for a while and yeah, even after 9 11 was a huge change for the world and we've never truly gone back to less security in airports will have similar repercussions.

Yeah, I agree. The other interesting thing I thought was that fay has actually calendars into her day, her self care, which is that extra level of it has to happen in the middle of the day. Black for me. I try and do it at book ends of the day and fit it in around the other little routines that I do at the end of the day, but it's not die arised in. I just know that at the end of the day I do a few things for myself. Um, but I actually found that was really liberating that she has half an hour and all the day to just, you know, do a bit of meditation or have a nap. How rewarding. Yeah, I have to say through the 75-year program because there's two workouts, one of one of them has to be a 45 minute walk and that I do with the middle of the day. So it is awesome. Actually, initially I was like what? Really? But it's, it's really good to get that break just awaiting your desk away from your home routine and yeah, not think about work and I find that I do actually switch off, I don't think about work in that break for and I go for an hour and yeah, I just put music can't I do something that's totally non work related and it works.

You feel great. Uh yeah, running and walking is a kind of meditation for me too. It's like the 1st 10 to 15 minutes or so. Your mind still races and you still talk over these potential conversations that you may have in the future. Or you talk over past conversations, you put it done better, but then your mind settles down into it and it's just, yeah, you just fairly empty for the rest. You are. Yeah, but it does make a difference to do it in the day. I'm going to have a nap today is what I'm going to do after the walk. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah, great idea. Yeah, I thought that was really a nice way of thinking about it. It's um and I suppose when you're working from home, it is potentially something that I just can't get my head around how I do it from the office because I don't really want to go for a walk in the middle of the day in my work, meditate, meditate in your office. Mm Okay.

Yeah. Now how's the course going? Talking about meditation? Oh yes. Because we didn't tell the listeners I didn't buy uh, t m meditation course The weekend before last. So I'm over 10 days into doing TM The course was great. four days. And I had said to push that the four days had originally put me off doing it because I looked at tom and I looked at ordinary vedic meditation for a while. But I thought you had to do hour and a half for those four consecutive days with the teacher because of Covid they have actually taken the last three days online. So that was perfect for me. And the course content was great. And I'm far less judgmental of my meditations. I am doing 20 minutes twice a day. Which I never thought I'd be able to fit into my amazing. And I look forward to it. It's and also I'm looking forward to getting to the point which I know should come around the two or three months months because it's quite interesting.

They talk about the amount of stress that gets cleared from your nervous system at the start. And I'm trying not to be judgmental with my meditations because in the in the course you learn that all this stress coming out of your nervous system is actually what I'm experiencing. And if I didn't know that I would think that my meditations were unsuccessful working. So, this guy glenn when we were talking about it, he got me onto the Vedic on said he noticed it at the end of his was 40 days that that he did it consecutively. And he said before the end of the 40 days he felt the same. That initially it's like what it's not working. But it did because it worked because literally just changed. So yeah, you should totally just keep going. Mm. And yeah, that feeling is going to happen right. Mm hmm. Yeah. So you reckon I do one of the two in the middle of the day, like looking in at one o'clock and just yeah, to the middle of the day to sure that's the whole point, right? Is you can do it anywhere.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's and but I think that that sort of comes over time as well because they certainly say you can sort of do it eyes open and you can do it in distraction as well. Or amongst other stuff going on that in these early ones, I'm also feeling like if I did it around distraction, it would be unsuccessful. You know, I'm still having that slight judgmental things. So I just want to do it as quiet as possible until I get until you're ready and you you will get to that point where you'll, you know what will happen is you'll just end up doing it because this is what Glenn said, he goes one day I was doing it because say in the quiet because next thing he realized it was middle of the day his daughter was running around, his wife was doing part around the house and he just sat where he was at that moment in time and did it and it worked a and there was noise all around him. Yeah. Yeah. So I can see that that will come and I'm excited as well to think, you know, even two years down the track because they show you some brain scans of things, of people who have been doing it for a couple of years and their brains consistently stay in a far more coherent state.

Like you only just trying to get to in the early stages, it's fascinating stuff. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait to do it. Already. Found the one I want to do with the teacher, but they won't let me do it online. Yeah. That first session, they do want to do it face to face. And I think that's the only little wu element that sort of had me a little bit funny because the teacher has to be in your presence and see your eyes and the particular mantra that suits you comes to them and they don't think that it can work via zoom to get that. So yeah, that's right because everyone has their own personal mantra, don't they? Yeah, well I assume so, that's what they say. Who knows? It might be the same for everyone and they just yeah, that's that secret. And though it's a secret. And to be honest, it's such a weird little playful found that some kid might do running around for half a day and it just be this annoying little sound nebulous, just like shut up, is it words or a sound?

It's just a sound. So it's not a word that you have this word. Yeah, no, you can't have any connotation or any meaning to it and to be honest, most of the time I forget what it is and then I go into my meditation and it just comes back. Oh, interesting. Yes. Oh, nice. That's cool. Yeah. Because yeah, because it's a weird little sound that doesn't mean anything. And it's just like, what was that thing again? How did you remember it? You just recorded or something trying to get I'd be like, yeah, well that's part of the reason why you have the four consecutive days because they check that you've remembered it. Because it does, it changes when you meditate and mind kept walking and I'm like, what is that damn thing again? But again, part of the course is like it's working if it's changing so there you go, I can't wait to do mine.

Yeah. Yeah. If we ever get out of the deal, It's very good. It's very good. So yeah, marketing it was the 31st of July that I did my course. And so what, that will be like October I should ask to be amazing by christmas day will be maybe maybe that's the other thing about it though, is that it doesn't create, it doesn't change and make you then it makes you more, it builds capacity. So but then in the fact that you are, you do feel more at peace though. Yes, for sure. Yeah. Then in that way. Yeah. Yeah. Because the stress has been released. Yes, absolutely. Yes. And so I it does frustrate me when I come across. You know, I do it with quote marks, zen or really spiritual people who talk really slowly and walk really slowly and you know, just like God had someone I know about, you know, I don't think that would be me.

They were So I'll do what faith does and calendar it in in the middle of the day here and there. I think it's not every day. I think only in particular locations. For starters and then maybe it'll be easier down the track. Mm That's amazing. I love that. So if anyone wants to ask me more about it or you want to continue this conversation IQ Meets EQ dot com that I use where we have the podcast hosted. We post it on LinkedIn continue the conversation there. Or where can they find you? EQ dot Academy things looks brilliant. Email me Jacqui at Legally Wise Women dot com dot au. So Groundhog Day, Groundhog Day, our next one will be in lockdown again. Probably. Well, we'll see you then. Thank you. Yeah. Right. Mhm

Ep72 Curation of Life
Ep72 Curation of Life
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