IQ Meets EQ Podcast

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Ep64 Being everything to everyone

by Jacqui Brauman
June 16th 2021

Following on from the last couple of episodes with Jacqui close to burnout, and Ush making hard decisions herself, this guest had just what they both needed to hear. Brigette Sigley was the ultimat... More

mhm, mm hmm. Yeah. Welcome to the I. Q. Meets EQ podcast. I'm Jackie bremen principal solicitor at T. B. A. Law and Ceo of legally wise woman and I'm here with kostanic former corporate lawyer then head of HR now an emotional intelligence coach. Good morning Wish morning Jackie, how are you going? I'm well, how are you? Good, good, good. How's your planning been going? Yeah, going pretty well regularly unconsciously seeking people out and talking to people. So that's I suppose it's at the forefront of my mind. It's the one thing that I really have to not let slip or else it'll slip and we'll go back to how it was before. So it was Yeah, exactly. So no huge changes yet. But a couple of good potential leads and yeah, the recruiters out there looking hard, working for his money. Good thinkers crossed and how are you going with your training training?

Oh my God. Yeah. Still no difference. But we did, we did the two week measurements, things I've lost in measurements, which is good but I'm good. Which is good. So I am just accepting that I'm going to be a fatty on the scales for now take the, take the winds in my measurements some good. There will be a tipping point at some point really? Yes. All right. We'll keep aiding in the meantime. I am. I am trust me. So it was funny considering our last two episodes and talking about, you know burnout and wanting change and having to actually focus and and push change because the guests that I spoke to had reached out before all that And we booked in to have an interview. And then it just happened to be black. Really perfect for the timing. So Bridget's ugly was the ultimate superwoman juggling quite a successful business and a young family and doing all the things and she didn't see warning signs.

Come first, there was a brain tumor and then there was breast cancer And that was finally the mack truck. That was enough to make her stop and reconsider. So let's have a listen. Good morning Bridget, Welcome to the podcast. Good morning Jackie. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Here we are meeting very early. It's cold. It's our second time. Um it's so glad to be here with you. Um in the dark quiet of the morning. Yes. The dark quiet of the morning before the household gets up actually into once again lockdown. We are we are both in victoria's in lockdown yet again. Um, and yet we continue on. Um so I always like to start with asking what you wanted to be when you were growing up. Mhm. Well you think most, most girls almost want to be something quite fabulous and outrageous.

But the first memory for me was actually wanting to have my own to do something of my own my own business And and where that actually came from was seeing my parents and my mother dependent on my my my my father or my stepfather um for money and wanting to have that financial independence. That's what I thought back back then. Mm hmm. Yeah. It's and it's amazing how the generations have changed just in, you know, the lifetimes of ourselves and our mothers, the change in women not being able to work once they were married and now really being able to have a choice and that fear that's still there and we'll get more into the fear because I think that that might drive a lot of the things that you talk about.

But then what did your career path actually turn out? Like what did you do? So for me, I studied a degree in HR and marketing and I was always, it was always about achieving, you know that whatever goal was out there that I wanted to achieve. And so then it was, I went into recruitment and became the number one recruiter in the world and went out And um enter into my own business and I set up this computing business and we were doing over $2 million dollars a year. So it was always this on to the next achievement and the success. Uh, and until I had to say, you know, this is not working for me anymore. So I started me on a whole new, whole new path. Yes.

Well, thankfully it sounds like were you working internationally when you're recruiting for a while. So I um, I worked in south Africa and uh in Johannesburg. And then I worked, then I came back and worked in a couple of states here in Australia as well. Yeah. And then I left there to set up my own company, which ended up turning into a network support company And we had 12 staff and We're doing over $2 million dollars and and then I got my wake up call, yes. And you had Children by that stage when you were running that business as well. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it's interesting. I clean it. I was your typical superwoman, you know that I was out there, um Wanting to be successful in my work and wanting to be successful in whatever that I actually did.

And so I was juggling all these balls and wanting to do more and more and then eventually, you know, the cracks started appearing and the first signs of that for me were when I was 35. So I just had my eye, my business was bubbling along and it was profitable and you know, I felt like I was a typical superwoman and I just had my child and to the outside, everything looks great, right? And then, but I, I found that I couldn't even look down, his name is Zach and I couldn't look down at Zach In the morning, so I do this crazy thing that I get up at four I am and I take myself off for a run just to try and get my neck moving. So I think deep down I kind of knew something was wrong, but I didn't want to admit it. And the next minute I was having an MRI so I had this MRI and and you know something is wrong when the doctor calls you, How often does that?

So I find myself I find myself in in in front of Professor K. And he tells me that I've got a brain tumor which is the size of the golf golf ball at the base of my brain. And first of all I was done. But the reaction for me was well how quickly can you fix it? Mhm. How often do we say that you know with everything or how I was thinking of all the stuff that I had to get done. So so he they go on to he goes on to tell me that it's going to be a six hour operation. And I've got a 60-40 chance of walking again. And I remember that night remember riding my well I didn't have much on a little piece of paper and giving it to my husband. The operation goes ahead and afterwards he says to me, I want you to rest for four weeks.

My reaction was well impossible, impossible. I've got stuff to do. I've got invoicing to do and I'll be back out there and to Mhm. So I think sometimes the universe, this gives us warning signs. So you want to call it the universe. Uh Internal give our internal guidance systems gives us warning signs, but at times were just not listening. And so I didn't know it at the time, about five years later I was going to get my mack truck. Mm hmm. And so then I was 40 and my business had grown And I then had three kids. So there were 7, 5 and three. And I was also training for an Iron Man, of course, you know, Super. The But I was also like, I would get up and I would have a coffee and then I would always have, and I want to share these things looking back because at the time, it just felt normal, I'd always have painkillers in my handbag for if I had that afternoon headache um in that I'd have something to pick me up in the afternoon to give me an energy kick.

I would wine just to be able to shut down at night. I would have a glass of wine at White Knight to be able to shut down. And I'd often wake up in the middle of the night with those things, thinking about all the things that I had to do my day. So that was all kind of normal. And then I remember it clearly, like, it was this Autumn morning actually, like, like now and I've been out and I've been training and I came back in and I hopped in the shower and I'm soaping up and the water felt hot, but I suddenly felt cold that there was, I felt this pea sized lump under my arm. So I find I found myself in front of another surgeon and she, she tells me that it's breast cancer and it's great three and it's in my lymph nodes. And my reaction was, I was stunned, but guess what my reaction was?

How long is it gonna take to fix? Yeah, I know that you're thinking, you must be thinking ship, she's a slow learner. Uh huh. No, I think you're reacting the exact same way I'd react. Yeah. You know, um so it was, I was thinking about, well the kids have got dance practice, I've got that meeting these people that depend on me, how quickly can we sort this out. So, so then six months of chemo goes by two blood transfusions, I lose all my hair and then I go back to her and, and you know, I've been, she's been doing her thing ready to high five her and she said to me, Bridget the treatment hasn't worked, we're now going to need to do a mastectomy and which is to take your breast and at that point, you know, I've been a control freak.

We all we are, you know, and I just remember being, first of all angry, angry that I'd had all this treatment and it hadn't worked and hadn't been able to run my company properly. And and I remember coming home and going into the area, I've been trying to learn how to meditate. So I went down to this room and I just remembered lying down and surrendering. And what I mean by that is I didn't have any more answers anymore. So it was like normally it be this is the next thing to do and this is the next thing to do. And I didn't have any answers anymore. And I just surrendered and I asked for help. I don't know who I was asking. I was just asking for help. And all of a sudden I heard this, it was like I was being wrapped in this this warm blanket and everything would be all right. Well if I just listened, I heard this big booming voice like it felt like it was coming from behind and it was a male voice saying, don't let them take your lymph nodes.

And I thought like I opened my eyes and I thought it must be chemo brain, I must be now hearing things. I'm going nuts. And I went to my husband and I said, look, I've just had this voice and of course when people kind of go, what do you think the voices? I wanted to investigate that to to understand what that was. But anyway, the week went on and I ignored, I had all this stuff to do. So I just ignored the voice And then when I was being wheeled into the operating theater and I heard that voice again, like I had my eyes shut and I don't let them take your lymph nodes and I thought there must be something in this and they opened the operating doors and there was like a big huge lights, there was like people taking the team taking my breast and then there was another team that we're going to do a reconstruction and I just couldn't say anything. And so I wake up in intensive care after like an eight hour operation and I'm lying there and I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself.

And I just remember hearing my little girl's voice, this chirpy little voice coming down the corridor and like I had all these tubes tied up too tied up to me. I look like some sort of art and installation. I was all wrapped up like a mummy and I just I became really anxious because I just didn't want her to see her see me like this like I've always been really brave and strong and I wanted her to see me. And I remember she just looked in my eyes and showing hi mom, she said did they take your boob and did they make you a new one? And it was like this this intense love this, this this love that for her and for them all and this feeling that I had to find a way to live and not just survived to really learn how to live to be there for them. And I got the news then that the results came back that when they they biopsied all my lymph nodes when they took them, so they took all my lymph nodes and the news came back that it wasn't in my lymph nodes.

So at that point in time, so it sent me on this like this whole mission of it almost gave me this permission to go, well I need to put myself first and I need to to learn how to live. I'm not just not just exist, not be everything to everybody else all the time and I need to learn how to say no um I need to learn how to I need to learn the hell what that voice was. I hey it was right, Yeah, yeah it was right and and that was the freaky thing. Sometimes people kind of go or do you wish that you'd listen to that voice, like I'm 12, 11 years down the track now, so I'm 51 and I said well maybe if I'd listened, you know, I wouldn't have had the lesson there that I have and I've had so many other instances along the way.

And so then that's sent me on this path of of explaining well how do I live and so I went and did a course to become an integrated health coach. I took myself off to India and lived in an Ashram for a while to learn from the east. I did lots of things that didn't work and lots of things that did, and at the end of it I got to this point where I thought I want to help other super women like me to not end up where I was, you know, and I didn't want to end up where I wasn't in another five years time and to help them to actually discover because it is possible to have that elusive life balance. Um What did your family think of the change? Uh huh. So it's interesting um when I was, when I was in my superwoman mode, I would I thought that I was the best mother, you know, we got to dinner, I buy them things, I had other people to to actually help out with the kids.

Um but I remember probably my biggest hotel sign was I remember reading my back then my daughter this, this read her story and she asked about one of the characters I'd like flowing in from work and come home and before she went to sleep this book out and I hadn't actually taken in a word of what was what was in the book, you know, I was thinking about my invoicing or the next email I had to and I had to say, look, I'm really sorry. Uh so so the answer was I wasn't present with them, and they'd often kind of say to me, are, you know, mom, you're not listening, or when when they wouldn't do something for me, I'd be like, kind of snappy and angry that things hadn't gone as quickly, you know? Um as a so are relationships today have completely changed, you know, we have that as kids.

And look, I don't know what they would have been like because they were 75 and three, but that there now 17, 15 and 13 that they're resilient, confident kids, we discuss stuff, uh, and I'm a lot more present, so, so we have these loving, I mean, sure we, you know, sure I get angry with them, but I have more and more conscious of having quality time with them. Yeah. Okay, so you also talk about the three types of superwoman or super mom. Why do we hold being a superwoman up on a pedestal? Like, it's what we have to, because we do we think it's a we think it's something we have to do, we think, who's who are we trying to impress? I don't know. Yeah, so I think it stems back from were often high achieving women.

So if you're in law or what do we do and that you want to be successful and so you're successful in this area, uh and and then another area of life comes along, and you want to be successful at that and you want to be the best possible mother that you can be, and so it's it's almost like that instead of just wanting to be successful at one thing that we want to be successful at all these different areas, but we also want to do it all ourselves, you know it and we think that success means doing everything ourselves and we've been conditioned that way, and you know how I, you asked me before when I was young, what I wanted to be, and I wanted to be financially independent, you know, But I actually think that that now looking at that, that that was because I wanted to be able to please others that I wanted parents to have to go, you know, I'm really proud of Bridges.

So for super women were often very attached to to where people pleases, so we want to please other people were attached to kind of, their reactions to us. Yeah, that resonates, does it example a man? So he might care what his peers think, but he'll do something uh for for a woman, you know, we want a house to um look tidy and it might be, oh well in case someone drops in and sees it or um um it's not, it's normally for other people or, you know, we want our kids to we make our kids lunch, so that will be healthy. So with the superwoman, I found that there's three different types and I guess this also helps to understand the reason why. So The 1st 1 is Miss Perfecto and so Miss Perfecto is is somebody that she wants it done perfectly and it really irritates her when it's not done perfectly.

So it's much faster to just do it herself or it might so at work it might be, well look, look, it's just much faster if I do it, I'm just going to do it and at home um it might be the mopping or vacuuming or something like that. It might be, well it's just I do it the best. So I'm just going to do it. But deep down She's angry and frustrated that no one helps out, mm hmm. So The 2nd 1, the 2nd 1 is mother Teresa. So so so mother Teresa puts everybody before her self that she wants everybody else to be happy, that she's brought up to be the nice girl. You know the one that said yes to others and was nice. So she puts everybody else before herself and she says well one day I'll do something for me, oh there'll be a time soon.

But that time never comes. And then there's the last one which is indispensable. And so MS indispensable, she she's someone that loves to be needed and the more that she's needed, the more adrenaline and the more of a buzz that it gives her and and I guess I was missing like I loved being Miss indispensable, you know, I loved being able to say to my friends and I've got this on and my kids, they couldn't find their shoes or um you know, they need me talking about how needed I was, but in reality that they just end up sick all the time and I kind of don't understand understand why or or it's something that they have no body awareness at all. And it's interesting that today, you know, the biggest cause of illness is stress, right?

And stress happens when quarters ole levels in our adrenaline levels have turned on and I'm sure most people know that, but and it takes takes the power from our, you know, um uh Korea tourism pumps amount to our extremities so that we could run from that tiger if we need. But what it's doing is it's giving us it's feeding us adrenaline in giving us a boost. So when that's not turned turned on, we think and say we're trying to relax, we think something's wrong because uh something wrong with me, I better get up and do okay, do something. And so it becomes an addiction and that's why I call it the super woman's syndrome. And look, I'm not the first person to call it that it's gone back and There's a great, great book which is called the E-type woman and it was written in the 80s and she refers to the superwoman syndrome, wanting to do everything for everybody.

Yeah. Um MS Perfecto, certainly the first one that you spoke about certainly resonates more than the others, although there's a certain element in the others as well, because, um, you know, we are as women more than men, I'm sure condition too, and keep everyone else's needs at the forefront of your mind. And so there's an element of mother Teresa, even though how do you, Because I know you've got a solution. How do we address super women super woman syndrome? Yeah, So, over those years of, and look, it's funny, most of us won't do anything to change the situation until there's enough pain associated, Right? So the cracks and and that's why I like, thank you for allowing me to share my story because I guess the cracks and some of those earlier cracks appearing, and for different people, those cracks can be different things.

So it could be that cracks are appearing in their relationship, in that they're more cranky or that they're more snappy, or they're they're not having sex, you know, that their sex life is diminishing. Um, or it could be in their work where they're not able to focus in quite the same way as they used to, it takes longer to do things. Um, or they completely have paralysis, or then there's their health and with health, I see all different sorts of things. So, um, um, I'm thinking about one of my clients, you're Lunda when she came to me, she was three kids and a single mother working full time and she was overwhelmed. She was taking um anti anxiety medication and she was also taking um uh medication to help her sleep.

And she had she was getting migraines, so they were all the things going on with her and within four weeks she was sleeping, I had her sleeping through the night and she had she was making more time for herself. Um and and so I'll share the steps with you. So so the first, so I call it the reignite system, but the first step is actually to Stop The noise. Like we have something like they say that we have 65,000 thoughts in our head per day, right? And often they are the same as yesterday, we have all these thoughts going on and it's interrupting those thoughts. So instead of everything feeling like too much, you're creating a little bit of space that you can have some more awareness is and when you have that little bit of space that you actually have more awareness of what your body is doing and where your thoughts and your feelings are actually going, So are they going into that place of overwhelm?

Because often we mask them. So you're getting that awareness of what's going on and then the second step is changing the channel. So what happens when we get to that overwhelm phase is that we often focus on all the ship that's going on, everything that's wrong in our life and what I know is what we focus on, we draw towards us. So it's changing the channel to become more vibrancy focused or more balanced focus, How does it look where my life is balanced? You know, How am I feeling? Not so much the the nitty gritty of the how that, but how does it look overall and directing your thoughts towards those? And then the next step is that following your guidance, When we get quiet, we can hear that guidance, you know, um and what to do next in a situation and from a I guess a science perspective, if you think about it, if you've got all this these whirling thoughts that you've had in your head that you've had for all these decades, whirling around there, it's very hard to be able to, unless you're practicing these sorts of things to open yourself up to be able to hear those messages.

And, you know, in my case, I'd actually, I think I mentioned to you that I'd surrendered, I've gone to a point where gee I don't actually have any more solutions, and it was like all those thoughts went away and I just asked for help. So it's like, I was thinking of nothing at that point in time. So that's what that means. Yeah. And, and so when you get that part right, and it takes a while because we're changing all these patterns, but you go from overwhelmed just feeling a little bit more calm. The next phase is the reignite phase and this phase is all about actually being able to put you first. And so the next next step here, number four is being able to say no with kindness. So going from a place where you feel obligated that you have to do things to be able to learn how to say no and so that you feel a bit more free and then the next part of that and you're also creating more time for you because at the moment do you feel like you have no time?

Yeah. So the next phase is family empowerment. So going from a place where you're frustrated that nobody quite does it like you or it's just quicker to do it like you to actually being able to ask for help or it might be in a work situation, being grateful for for the for what they do or being able to let go of someone doing it a different way than you. And so what those two steps do is it's creating more time. And then the next stage which my cons really love is you first. So it's finding something that you can do for you that gives you joy and making it non negotiable. So not feeling when you're not feeling guilty about doing it because when you start doing that thing that you know that you're like a better uh that you're a much better um employer or you're much better in your business, you're much better partner mother when you do that thing.

Um and you're also a much better role model, so so I I help them help them make you know to find that thing and to make that thing non negotiable that they do in their life and uh and also from a science perspective when we're doing something that is pleasurable that we enjoy, like it lifts all those kind of happy hormones. Yeah and then and then the last and I guess so we go in that stage when we get that right, we go from feeling empty inside the we're doing everything for everybody else to actually more fulfilled. And then we tackle the last the last lot which are the three main areas of our life, like mastering sleep. His step seven um where we're waking up, often we wake up foggy or we wake up thinking about the million things that we have to do and feel anxious to actually waking up feeling focused and calm And then with work step # eight is um working with purpose, so instead of going to work and giving it more meaning, so instead of going to work and being resentful when we're there because we might feel guilty that it's taking us away from something else to actually enjoying it and and being able to enjoy whilst weather and then the last step is the relationship rewire and I teach this step process.

So instead of having um angry snappy relationships to be able to turn them around into loving relationships. Yeah. You know with all of that at the end of it that that you just feel so much happier and and alive to to life. Mhm. Simple but not easy. I sort of say simple but not easy because there are things you hear a lot about doing um but I guess it's it's the consistency but um there are quite a lot of these things, I struggle with doing them for a better reason, like they're on my list of things because they should be done just like everything else. So it's just something else to take off? Often. Super women say to me it's like this tick list of tasks, It feels like everything in my life is just one task after the other and there's no joy in those, even when I go and do something, it's because I I should do it.

Yeah. Yeah. So so it is, it's about, it's about taking that if you had the when you have the elusive balance, how does it look for you and who's around you and and how are you feeling? And do you have energy, are you joyful? Um Do you feel at peace? What all those things? Because the emotion is really important with actually bringing with actually manifesting something Bridget, I want to be respectful of your time because there's so much gold in what you've talked about. And um as for me once before we go, what is one thing that you're going to do from here? Um well, I mean you've listened to the last couple of episodes and, and so, you know, I'm struggling with elements of Superwoman syndrome and know that um that overwhelm is right on the verge because I am resentful and I don't find joy in things at the moment.

Um so I'm just really actually going to focus on changing the channel. Um I know that the, you said we have all those thoughts so you can't necessarily stop the thought, but to become more aware conscious of it and go, no, consciously switch. Okay, I'm going that negative again, consciously switch. Okay, now I'm on it again, consciously switch. So I think that that really has to be where I start. Yeah. For all our listeners, the reignite you. Um we've got a lovely little infographic, that bridge, it's given us to put onto our Cumin CQ website so you can go and check that out. Um and Bridget for myself and anyone else who wants to get in touch, where should they go if you feel like, so this is not for everybody? Right? So if you feel like you're in a situation that you really want to change the channel and that you know that you need to change the channel, then go to my website and book book a call to talk to me and I don't, I don't charge for that, but my time is valuable.

So, so that's for people that really know that this is what I must do. Um and my website is Bridget sickly dot com. And then you just there on the front page there, you can just press the, you know, talk to me. So B R I G E T T E S I G L E Y logistically dot com. Um, I do have something for others. And, and that is that if you go there as well on there, there is, I've got a brilliant saying no script. So if you want to go and and you can download the um, saying no with kindness script. So it has a script there for what to say to your boss or work uh, to your family, to your friends because we're not used to uh, you know, it's it's not in our nature.

Super women too say no easily and being able to practice it. So that was, that's the other thing that I have there. That right? I think that will be very useful. Yes. Yes. Um, thank you so much for your time and your insight and sharing your story. Um, I hope that it's others can get a wake up call from your story rather than having to be hit with that mack truck themselves. I do too. I do too. All right, we'll have a beautiful day. Yeah, you too. Okay. I was just listening right to this one and I was like pushing around the house doing stuff as I normally do and this one I actually had to sit down and listen to it like it was, you know, one of those things that you go by, I actually need to just listen and I can't do other things with this one and I wasn't able to multi task like it really just caught my attention to listen to her story and what was, what was coming on for her and yeah, I just, there's just no words right for what she's been through.

You know the story is very powerful and it's um, and it's obviously a warning and yet there's still the yet and the year, but I know right? And you know the bit that resonated with me was when, and I just happened to me all the time, but when, when she is talking about something and I'm just like just not listening because I'm like multitasking or doing something and I'm like, what can you just say that again? She said that? I'm like, oh my God, like how many boxes here, jesus, yes or you know, she said some of the warning signs were carrying the Panadol in your handbag because you just never know when you were going to get a headache and you a headache. That was me a couple of years ago actually. Yeah, I remember that. I do remember that. Yeah, but you know, jesus a strength that she's got to go through there and I think it really links back to into that term superwoman superpower thing because we all do, we all want that, don't we?

Even though we don't always consciously think it, it's like it's in the back of our minds and we're programmed for it. Don't you think? Well, I don't know, I, I feel like it's really that I'm trying to prove something, I don't feel like I want to be this way at all. I feel like it is what is expected and what it takes. I haven't seen anyone else bottle another way, I don't know any different in terms of what perfection is high achieving that side of things. Yeah, I guess. But also running around doing all the things, You know, everyone's perpetually busy and as you say, like I'm not very present in the moment listening to people at that point, I'm always a few steps ahead in my brain as well. And yeah, it's when when you said a couple of weeks ago to slow down, That's terrifying to me. Like I can't find the time for that mm yet.

We've just had a listen to Bridget with her perfect warning story of what can happen and what it takes to make someone slow down and still be successful in all those areas that she wanted to be. Yeah I was talking to someone just last night about this actually saying you know how many balls there are to juggle at any one point. You know the best of times. And he grew his business he's in the U. K. And he said a little bit of a similar story but he got a tumor in his neck and he said he ignored the warning signs. He just carried on. He it was just the hustle because he's the breadwinner three kids just gonna do what I gotta do. Until one point he went to the doctor and the doctor said when he had emergency surgery potentially because if you move anytime in the next few weeks yeah you could just be quadriplegic pretty much because the tumor was pressing on the spine. But he did exactly that and ignored all the warning signs. And it's only now this year that he's taken a bit of time off in the business is running without him.

And I said to him it's really interesting question I asked him last night I said do you regret working the hours that you did or doing what you did because you've made it now. But do you feel if you didn't work you wouldn't have. He goes yeah he goes I don't regret it because it's what I felt I had because I didn't there was no other choice. And I think you're right where we all feel that the best of times where we feel that, you know, we've got to just continue, continue. But for me, the question is, when is it enough? Because if we don't put a time frame on it, that's when it becomes a problem. So what he said to me yesterday was it's fine that you're doing what you're doing and drugging this many balls and not sleeping and doing this. But he goes, what's the time frame for it? Mhm. Yeah. As opposed to indefinitely being that in that state. Yes, and really, and I suppose having some perspective on what your goals are, as you say, what is enough. But the problem is particularly for me when I'm perpetually falling short of my goals. And so I am one step forward two steps back and I'm never, you know, I can't stop because I haven't reached what I've set for myself.

Yeah. So I read this article yesterday, which I just got to share because it will really resonate with a lot of people. Um it's written by Glenn Cast and the co founder of Dent, who's program starting at the end of the month and he just turned 40 last year and he said, look, he goes on the outside of my life looks amazing because I've got a, you know, really awesome fiancee, beautiful home life, I think a little toddler and he goes, you know, I'm really comfortable, financially all of that's really good. But he goes, there's something missing and it goes it's inside of me. And he's like, I don't meditate, try to for decades, it just doesn't work. I don't know how to do it. And he goes he was walking in the garden and his daughter looked up to him and he says, the daughter said, daddy is daddy sad, daddy sad. And he's like, I literally was just like nearly burst into tears because he goes, she's really picked up on the fact that there's like sadness inside me. And then he started meditating for 40 days and he did twice a day for 20 minutes and he goes, I was sitting in a chair, he wasn't true, it wasn't new age, it wasn't hippie, he goes, and there was noise all around me, but I realized, you know, I don't have to have stillness around me to have stillness inside of me.

And he goes, it was just 20 minutes twice a day. And he wrote the article on day 41 anyway, but he said this really interesting thing, he goes, it wasn't that I was sad. He said, what had happened was that my body had just been working for so long. Got used to the stress. So he goes, it was like I was tiling stress on piling stress on piling stress on my body is just like, this is normal, this is normal, this is normal. And he said um it just became my way of being and he goes all the feelings I was feeling were heavy feelings. They were dense feelings. They were just big things and he goes, I had forgotten all my body had forgotten to feel the smaller, delicate feelings like joy being present. Looking at the trees, all that sort of stuff that we get told to do. And he goes it's not they didn't want to do it because I just didn't know how to because my feelings will always money clients, service growth, Heavy big things. And he goes after 40 days. He goes, it shifted, he goes actually shifted after day four just by doing the 2 40 minute thing to 20 minute things a day.

And he goes, the anxiety went, the overwhelmed went and he got the most balanced he's ever felt ever. And it was as simple as that for him. But I really like where he explained that because he's right because he goes, it's not because it's not sadness, it's something else. He goes, it's getting used to all of the ship that we put on our bodies and ourselves. So true, isn't it? Yeah, I am glad you shared that actually. That is really insightful. I'm going to share the article with you because we should put it on there on the link. It was just a really vulnerable, beautiful read from him that because I'm not sad. It's just, I don't know how to feel anything else at the moment. Yeah. It's that flatness or resignation, that this this is all areas and this is it. That's what it is, isn't it? It's not really sadness. It's just Yeah. Yeah. And I think if you're like me and I know you are in that sense of goals, I think what gets us through is that goal is that next part of that finish line.

Because for us, the finish line is it's never going to finish, let's be honest. So it's like that finish line that we're running towards keeps getting pushed and pushed and pushed and we're cool with it being pushed because it drives us to run a bit faster towards that or carry on. But we're not resting. And interestingly enough, you know what he said? He goes, he did have breaks um, during, during the last few years, but he says he doesn't even remember them. He's like, I don't feel arrested because I don't think that break was that I rested. He goes, maybe I physically had a break because my mind wasn't arrested. I was still thinking about work. I was still doing what I needed to do. Yeah, of course it's a really powerful read. Yeah, It comes back to that presence, doesn't it? So he when he was resting, he wasn't present. But you know what I mean, Jackie if nothing to sign this is like, how many times have we heard of people waiting for this whack and the whack comes and that's right. It's a bit of a theme this year so far, isn't it? Since we did self love in february, It's pretty much been the same that we've been hearing, so we totally need to listen to it, that's for sure.

And I think you know I like his idea, I think I'm gonna I mean I meditate anyway but I like his I don't do it to my today but I'm gonna give it a go. Like he's really inspired me to go you know what? Even if she is happening around me, I'm just gonna do 20 minutes. Anyway, I sent him a message going who is this guy that showed you how to do it and what is it? Because I want to know more so if it replies I'll share that next week. Yeah. You've already taken action. That's fantastic. Well I guess it's a continual I mean this is a new goal that we're setting even for ourselves, isn't it? Like it's not a goal of a hustler and achievement. It's a goal of balance. Maybe balance is a hard word, it's not really balanced, it's allowing it's allowing your mind to have a break, not just the body. Mhm Uh huh. Remember when I said to you or have your couple of days rest book your days in you didn't really breast you're still working just out of the bloody office actually already working more because it was like really full and stressful thinking and doing, I'm planning.

So you didn't really get your break and Your break is probably running 20 miles which definitely in a break. So yeah, I got a break for the body, it is a break for the brain when I run because it does it clears all the hormones out of your body, the stress and your mind has that time too well and it finally gets to the point where there's nothing left to world and you just you do find that piece. When's the last time you had to do by day? If I have to think that long. It has been a lot. Look I had one that was a do the afternoon on a sunday like about a month ago. So I did have a sort of seven hours on the couch. Yeah good. Mm Yes. Every now and then there's that netflix thing that pulls me right in and I have to do the whole season in the day. Uh Yeah, so I do do that occasionally. So there you go. We have had another wake up call example. Yes, it's not quite the mack truck yet.

It's the tap, isn't it? I think we're in between the tap and the one in between. Mm hmm. Yes. So will be conscious and I'd really like for people if they want that script that Bridget was talking about learning to say no. So that there can be less in your life, less people pleasing. I think that that's really helpful for something to implement or she's going to implement more meditation. I'm definitely getting that saying no script, although I do think that I say no a lot, I just think of already said yes too much. I now need to say no, the things I've already said yes to and yeah, we'd love to hear comments about people sort of feeling the same or how else you would describe it or any other insights that you've had. You can comment on the post on the on our podcast page.

Arquimedes eq, we do post it to link in. That's a really good place to comment. Otherwise people can reach out and connect with you, can't they? Or she whereabouts? Yeah. Uh dot com. Excellent. And email me Jackie at legally Wise women dot com dot au. Mhm. Let's see what the next guest brings. Love it. Thanks. Yeah. Mhm.

Ep64 Being everything to everyone
Ep64 Being everything to everyone
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