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Ep56 A Wondrous Life

by Jacqui Brauman
April 21st 2021

This episode features another special, emotionally intelligent man, with Jacqui interviewing Rugare Gomo. Rugare Gomo is a High Performance Leadership coach who exists to empower you to live a life... More

Welcome to the I. Q EQ podcast. I'm Jackie bremen, principal solicitor at Tv a law and Ceo at legally wise women and I'm here with former corporate lawyer then head of HR and now an emotional intelligence coach. Morning Morning Jackie, how are you going? I'm well, how are you? Good. Really good. Another week down already. My goodness. I didn't even meet last week. It's been two weeks since we spoke. Yeah, that's right. How was your easter after all? You got to sleep a lot. So it was nice. It was just chilled. I just didn't have it with me. So in a couple of days of just chilling, in a couple of days of working. So it's pretty good. Good mix, good good. Yes, I got away for the four days down to queens cliff and so it was quiet. I even forgot to take a book with me. It was a little bit weird. It was a nice little break, short break and now we're almost at the end of april. Oh my God, I know Right. Homestretch april Yeah, that's right.

What else has been happening? How's your training going? Yeah, good, good training is really good. Um still haven't missed today. So it's just been Yeah, so two days a week is pT and then I'm doing three days on my own gee you're doing well. I know it's beautiful on but I'm really enjoying it. It's been great. How do you monitor the progress? Do you take measurements or what are you doing? No. So it's funny you say that actually I had a bit of a party with my pt guy yesterday because you're really big on the scales and I'm not and I'm not losing weight on the scales. But I know I am in my clothes, he's got me tracking my food and macros every day which is a pain absolute main. But it's good, it's working. That's great. I love the instant feedback when you're tracking things. I think that that's good every now and then a couple of times a year I'll track my food for a couple of weeks just to see how it's going. Yeah, that I haven't blown out or that you know if I change something drastic in my diet, what that impact is and yes, and it's actually quite scary isn't when you write down what you reminds me of the opposite, I'm not eating enough calories.

So it's almost like the body goes into starvation mode and won't lose what it needs to lose. So I'm trying to just increase more and I'm like yesterday and now I can eat. Yeah, I've had a similar experience actually. Have I spoke to you about my our ring or a ring? No. What is that? Yes. So it's one of these tracking devices, it's got all these little chips on the inside of the ring and so it takes your heart rate, your body temperature movement, all those things. So I've been wearing it now for three months and I probably work out way too much. It tells me I don't recover well enough when I sleep and it's showing me significant impact of stress actually. So in fact I was quite depressed after I wore it for the first month. But now I'm starting to gamify it because I see throughout the week that my heart rate falls less and less while I sleep and so I recover less and less towards the end of the week and then my weekend I have to spend recovering properly.

And so if I work out heaps on the weekend, I miss that recovery and then the following week is even worse. So it's quite interesting. That is crazy. I wish I had a problem working out too much. Can we like swapped for a bit, maybe if I wear the ring, Do you think it will convert me to work out too much? Yeah, it's interesting little metrics. But yeah, I like that instant feedback stuff, so that is great. Yeah, we'll see how we go. But it's good. I'm enjoying it. The main thing is you're getting healthier, irrespective of the scales. So that's that's the best thing. That's right. More energy, more movement and hopefully, you know, a longer, healthier life. Exactly, exactly. Well, shall we jump straight into listening to our guests? Yeah, I'm a little bit excited to introduce regard como to you. Um he was originally from Zimbabwe, but he tells the story, he came to Australia and finished high school and then got a law degree at Monash University and ran a firm for a while as well.

But now he's a high performance coach. So let's have a listen, right, I'm so pleased regard to welcome you onto the podcast. How are you this afternoon? Thank you so much for having me on your podcast. I'm so excited to be here. It's funny because I actually met you when I was looking for a podcast co host and you were the one of the people that we, you know that I spoke to about potentially being a co host. So it's coming full circle when we've got you as a guest. So it was so fun me catching up with you and our relationship has just deepened ever since then. Yes, you've got so much to offer. There's so much in your story and I'd love for all our listeners to get the most benefit from it. So let's go back and talk about your childhood. So what you wanted to be growing up, but also where you were and what that was like. Sure, thank you. So I will first start with my name, my name is Rogard como and the reason I say that is because I couldn't pronounce my name until I was five years old, I love saying my name, I'm grateful.

I grew up in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe is in the southern part of Africa and however, that's not where I was born. I was born in England. So I was born in a small town called Knowledge in England, but I never grew up in England and I mentioned this because being born in England and then growing up in Zimbabwe where actually altered my life in terms of how I perceived my life. So Though I was born in England, I was not a British citizen and I was stateless. So I spent the next 15 years of my life without being British or being Zimbabwean. My parents always wanted a better life for their Children. So I actually was raised speaking English as my first language rather than the local language shona and because of that when I started going to school I was so disconnected because everybody spoke Shauna, that's when I started having an identity crisis and when I decided I didn't belong.

So growing up in Zimbabwe um though I am black though we had African friends or Zimbabwe and friends and family, I already felt different because of the way my parents chose to raise us, very grateful for the way they raised us, but it was very different. So for me what this looks like in reality was in African culture, it's very normal for aunts and uncles to tell the Children what to do. My parents did not want our aunts and uncles to tell us what they want to do, they really had a strong vision and culture for us which they wanted to be very separate to how they were brought up. So I grew up with very strong independent thinking, I grew up believing that I could use my voice. I grew up believing I could pursue what I wanted. The problem though, was that I grew up in Zimbabwe where there are limited opportunities, so it doesn't really matter what I thought.

The question was, would those opportunities even be available to me? The other part to this in my growing up was that because I spoke english as my first language, there was a perception that I was trying to be better than everybody else. So, you know, little kids can be really mean and nasty. So my experience of school was mostly horrible. I was bullied nearly every day. I would go in, scared, you know, who's going to, you know, tease me today, who's going to try and steal my colors. And then there was this perception that I came from a wealthy family because I spoke english well, in my reality, I brought in a very low middle class family. So what that means in the Zimbabwean context is this low middle class and then there's poor. So in my home how I grew up, whereas my mom and dad would be working, but it was very normal to help my dad raise the chickens and go and so these chickens to make an extra income in the home, it was very normal to help my mom's sewing, you know, curtains, bedspreads to bring in that extra income yet at school the way the kids related to me and I was like, ah, that the rich one, but that was not my reality at all.

So a lot of the time I actually would go to school in fear the person you're talking to right now wasn't the person who first came to Australia and I'll share more about that shortly. Yes. Sorry. Tell us then how you came to make your way to Australia because it's an important life changing choice too. Yes. So because of my mom and dad's work, my mom was a social worker. So my mom was one of the first women doing HIV AIDS education in Zimbabwe in the early nineties. During that time, one info Zimbabwe's with HIV positive, ahora. You know, people were dying all the time. I've had aunts, you know, uncles, cousins, friends dying and but my mommy has used her life, you know, educating people about sex and safe sex in a man's world where very unusual, uncommon not heard for had off to do that. I'm really proud of. My mom and my dad also then used his life in youth leadership programs.

So street kid programs, family counseling and because of their work would have volunteers come from around the world from the UK, from Australia, from the U. S. And you know, volunteer in these programs and that for me created exposure being able to interact with people outside from Zimbabwe gave me an insight of what could be possible for me if it was possible for them, it could be impossible for me. And so when I was 14 years old, I wrote a letter to one of these volunteers Andrew Gikell who had come to Zimbabwe when I was five years old and I wrote a letter to him asking if I could come to Australia. I did not tell anybody that I know the reason was because I didn't want any of the cultural norms to get in the way.

So again though, I was allowed to have my own voice to think my own way. I'm typically in Zimbabwean tradition. It's the parents who should have approached Andrew and I was convinced that my parents would not have felt comfortable. I could see their own limiting beliefs. So I was like, nobody is going to be in the way of my future. I'm going to take charge of my future. And for me coming to Australia was about having an education that I would not have otherwise have had in Zimbabwe. You know, and so that's what inspired me to do that. Another thing that inspired me was reading. So reading, you know, was one of the main things that my dad and my mom nourished with all of us Children, which created exposure. We couldn't travel to, to go overseas that would be maybe five or 10 years worth of savings that that was not a possibility.

But books nurtured my mind and I just wanted to explore the same opportunities as I was reading in those books. One of my favorite books at that time as a 14 year old, believe it or not was Patricia Conwell because this forensic scientist, I was like, I'm going to be a scientist. So I write that in my letter to end. I write about my own possibilities and forensic experience in Zimbabwe didn't exist, but how well did not exist. But in my heart, I was like, that must exist maybe in Australia, the UK and the US. I'm reading it in the books. So for me, I even to today, I read voraciously because my thinking is limited, but there's so much body of work out there and without that exposure, I don't believe I would even have the courage or even the thought off coming to Australia. So that is how my journey began.

Now when Andrew received the letter, I didn't know what was going to happen. So for three months I waited, I would go and check the mailbox, nothing. And then from time to time, I'd be like, is today the day. And then I'd be like, Oh no, I'm gonna get in trouble. What if my dad finds out my mom and dad find out Andrew's gonna tell my mom and my dad and asked and I'm gonna be in big trouble. I went through so many emotions during that time and then one day my dad comes home and says, what's this about you going to Australia? And I look at him cheekily and said, dad, I wrote a letter to Andrew and then he says, well Andrew says, yes, my heart like just talking to you about it. I'm getting tingles again. I want to burst into tears but imagine living in a country with limited opportunities and then being told that yes, we can go on a journey of discovering how to leave for a new opportunity for a 14 year old.

My heart, I can fairly, the emotion, oh my God. And for your dad too because the emotion for him as well. Like the shock, the surprise, the grief, the loss potentially but also the excitement for you. Mm hmm. Exactly. And then I was so great grateful that my dad was also happy for me at this time. My mom was overseas in I believe kenya or Nigeria doing some HIV aids education work And so she did not know any of this. And I remember when we went to pick her up from the airport and on the drive back home, my dad is explaining about the opportunity and my mom is concerned. So the reaction I got from her was like, ah, should you do that or not? And that was the reduction. I didn't want that was the reaction that I thought would be in the way. And they came to a conclusion that because they had a relationship with Andrew Andrew had been coming regularly to Zimbabwe, you know that it was going to be okay for me to go, wow, wow.

And for myself, how I was for myself, wasn't this person with a voice like this strong voice for me. I was quiet, I was shy, I was scared of the world. I was, I was in a world where in Zimbabwe, where I felt I didn't belong, I was misunderstood. And that had had maybe more insular and very disconnected from people. And so for my mom and dad to say yes to me, despite how I felt about myself or my low self esteem was like really edifying. Mm Like they could see the opportunity despite how I related to myself and to have parents too believe in you that way. It's very edifying. You know, there's a lot of fear in the world. So, you know, if you're a parent listening today and you're looking at your kids and you have concerns, I really urge you to edify your Children that made a huge difference in building my confidence and my belief in myself and what I'm capable of so fast forward.

Yes. And even before landing, you know, it took two years to land here, two years. You know, I had Andrew said yes, but we still didn't have a school a school said yes to me, Kingswood College in Melbourne um said yes, they've never had. Um and a Zimbabwean come to the school. So they gave me a part scholarship. Andrew used his own resources for my air tickets um paid for my school fees. That's mind blowing. Can you imagine a single person who is already a foster care for other boys and a small business owner using their real money for me? Mm wow. Yes. What an individual, what an individual. And you know, he's been such a role model for what is possible for the kind of world we want to see. And I could see he's living in his purpose which is empowering young men, you know, to be empowered human beings in the world. And he's putting his money where his vision is even at his own detriment and he has shown that to me over and over again.

Um but then the second hurdle was getting the visa, getting an Australian visa is one of the hardest things in the world. I looked for a Zimbabwean let you know. Yeah, minor. And Andrew going into the embassy vouching for me signing documents because as I said, we came from a lower middle class family, we didn't have those resources. So Andrew had to vouch for me yet become my guardian in that regard and you weren't a refugee, you weren't a skilled migrant. Exactly. So the opportunity getting, creating this opportunity was very difficult to years of work, two years from the decision and I remember seeing the visa in my passport. First of all, I didn't even have a passport, remember I was stateless. So mom and dad had should then apply for a passport, was able to get a passport that changed the immigration laws where Children born overseas could now be applied for Zimbabwean citizenship.

Mom and dad spent a whole weekend in the capital city to get my passport the visa arrived and for me it was a sense of freedom. I could go beyond the landlocked country, my home country Zimbabwe for the first time in my life. So that again was like whoa, so then fast forward, you know, I come to Australia, I complete my year 11, year 12. Um did you do maths and science? So then you know, it was i it was a very different system because there's involvement systems, their A levels where you do three subjects. And again for me that's a limited opportunity because how would I know what I want to do with my life? I had no idea. So I was very strategic, I did subjects that allowed me to either move into this two sciences or humanities. So I did english as a first language because studies chemistry, math methods, biology, I did get your biology And then I did university biology in year 12.

So that was so it allowed me to either go into biomedical science, medicine, law, arts. So that was the beauty of coming to Australia. And so that's what I'm one of the things I love about Australia is that you're not boxed in too young to have to choose your path. So given an opportunity to still forward your path. Now when I met you, you were a lawyer running your own law firm, you're doing business coaching and you were running your foundation. So you had a lot on your plate. Yes. To get to law. Was that your first choice? Like is that What you did straight away? So when I finished my year 11, year 12 again, there was no opportunity for me as an international student. So I was going to happen to a $20,000 a year and we couldn't afford that. So it was like what am I going to do? So over the next six years I raised over $120,000 to go to university, I call that my first capital raising experience of my life and that's what that was the making of me because there was no back door because if there was, if I failed, I was going to go back to Zimbabwe to poverty because that was during the bombardment crisis.

So I had to learn to speak. I learned how to learn to socialize, I had to learn to connect, I had to learn to be generous, I had to learn to deal with a lot of fear. I had to come out of, I got to come out of my skin. I used to live in this context called white is better than black. I had to, I became comfortable in my own skin. I discovered I was gay through that whole process. So I had to come to my coming out and so that was the beginning and inside of that, you know, I went straight into an arts law degree, which was great. You know, I loved because it trained me on how to think, trained me in culture, history, but really how to think and be my own person was one of the things that a law degree makes available and I'm always grateful. It's a toolkit for me. And then I worked for a law fair Maddox lawyers. Even then that was an opportunity that I had to create myself because at that time there was no point in hiring international students.

So whenever the application processes for applying would always ask if you're a permanent resident or a citizen and I wasn't either. So there was no opportunity, No, And this was in 2007 not too long ago. And so I had to literally ask Maddox in a conversation and hand in a paper application, that's how I created that opportunity. The immigration laws didn't even allow me to stay either at that time. And then six months before I finished my degree, the Australian government introduced the graduate Visa, which allowed me to then take on the opportunity with medics. So there were all these barriers to opportunities. I had some great mentors who always say stay in the law but don't stay forever because there was a toxic culture in a traditional law firm and I took their advice and so after about two years practicing as a lawyer, I left and working and I joined a billionaire family and creating one of their startups and educational startups that I grew into a multinational company.

You know, we opened their offices in the States London Mauritius Canada, mm hmm. And that was life changing for me as a person in, you know, it's only like 28, years old and learning that as a black gay man, I do have skills that I can make a difference in the world. And that helped obliterate my inferiority complex about myself. So that was a great opportunity to learn that I am no different from any human being and that my color of the skin doesn't have to be in the way of opportunity for myself. Other people may choose not to give me an opportunity because I'm black and gay, but it doesn't mean I can't create my own for myself or be resentful for that in any case. And so that gave me the confidence then too as well, start my own foundation which was like the GoMA Foundation to give opportunities and scholarships to go to go to secondary school in rural Zimbabwe and we had our first girls complete their entire secondary school education.

We had our first girl finished the university and that's something that I am most proud of using my life for that. I was able to not be just the only person to have an opportunity to come to Australia but also discover making that available for others who had no opportunity. And worse is that in Zimbabwe to be a woman if you don't have an education, it's typical that you go into early marriage as well. That means you become economically dependent on the man as well which then limits what's possible for you and that's not okay with me considering who my mom has been for me and my darling sister, I want them to have their best lives just like I have. So I'm so grateful for that opportunity there. Yes, I mean Andrew certainly modeled a whole lot of that for you and then you created a way of doing that within your own purpose as well. So amazing and how fulfilling very, very fulfilling and it's just lots of hard work.

You know it's fulfilling and there's lots of pain because they're dependent. You can't help everyone. I would get emails, facebook messages, you know the need is great in the world and the opportunities are not there or not being created and I think we have a responsibility for us who are empowered human beings to actually create opportunities for others because as humans, you and I are connected whether for the rest of our lives and all human beings are connected. So the question is, who am I going to be? Who are you going to be in elevating the human species? It's very powerful. And you just explaining to me how your new partnership with action on poverty is just going to increase the reach and the impact that, you know, you have originally set up to do. Yeah. And it's not even it's we've been running the GoMA Foundation for seven years or volunteer run and there were things that were great.

You know, we had to become an organization and operate at the same level as safety Children or world vision because our funds go overseas and we partnered with action on poverty, but we were just not breaking through what it was, what we needed as an organization to really focus on the beneficiaries. In fact, our entrepreneur energy was being stuck in the organization rather in making the difference. And for me, that makes no sense. And so I drew a line understand and requested that we actually dissolve it. And so we're now going to transferring the programs or to action on poverty who are already partnered with us to carry out the remainder of this program. So we're actually still in those kind of conversations right now as we speak, but it was also having the courage to do that. You know, it's something that you could say a lot of my D. N A. Is in and something I'm passionate about, but it makes no sense to use my life in limiting myself, but this is now going to help me unleash myself at another level.

And I think that being a human, you know, being a human being, being an entrepreneur, being a creator, it's also really important to know when your creation has won its course and having the courage to give it up and as you say, like your energy and entrepreneurial energy and particularly then brings another skill to action on poverty as well. So they were really good at implementation and doing and now that I mean it's a great synergy isn't it? It is just wonderful, very grateful for them and they have people on the ground in Zimbabwe where they go to the schools directly and you know, I think for me, I one of my lessons from this for myself was actually the courage to use my voice sooner when things when I saw the trajectory, but I was held hostage to the to my perception of the disapproval of others and I share that because you know, this is not just a regarded go more personal phenomenon, we all want to please other people.

We or don't want to disappoint and that can sometimes get in the way of living your best life and creations and I definitely failed as a leader in using my voice sooner because I was living, I was I was avoiding the disapproval of peop yeah, yeah and you went through that with your law firm as well because it had also run its course, didn't it? Yes, and with my law firm it's like I've had, I've been, it's like the higher my higher power the universe has kept on giving me lessons to develop myself in my leadership, you know, and I can say this with no shame because I'm not held hostage to it, you know, if there was shame then I wouldn't be able to take this kind of um initiatives or live a big life, so in my law firm, you know I was running my law firm simultaneously as the coaching business. I actually loved it and just a commercial law firm we made a difference, we had a vision of empowering entrepreneurs, but then I got to see that many of the clients were not actually interested in living a purposeful life, they just wanted things fixed and making money and making money is important that living being happy, have enjoyed is critical, no joy your environment, will experience it as well.

And so I could see that my law firm was making a difference in solving and fixing issues but my coaching business was actually making the difference in creating leaders and so and The two businesses were so different that my law firm was losing tens of $1,000 a month. Well, my coaching business was growing exponentially and that was a communication in itself. The communication that I started seeing was that we're making a difference but my heart wasn't in it because I could see it wasn't authentic too who I what I truly want to do. The true difference I wanted to make and the true difference I wanted to make is building and equipping people to unleash their leadership. Yes. Why? Why do you create better leaders? How long do we have with that person, Jackie, Jackie?

Why? So the leadership, what that means to me is being able to forge your own path and live your authentic life. We tend to live in a world where you know, and I meet many students, law students, engineering students and accounting students, I'm doing law because my mom did, oh I got the marks profoundly unhappy, many of us got the marks profoundly unhappy and that for me is a wasted life. It's a painful life because when the pain, when I meet my clients and to hear the stories of the pain or the escapism with alcohol or the affairs or the disconnection from their Children and they really want to connect with their wife and their Children, but they can't because they're so unhappy. So that's not okay with me that we live in a world where many people are not actually living to their own true self, nor is it being modeled because then we're taking on just the fears of our parents of our grandparents as well.

So we never truly find our own path or forge our own path. And so for me, being able to forge your own path is the capability to authentically be the author of your life everywhere unreservedly despite despite the consequences, despite people's opinions that is missing. You know, I've just recently launched a program with Monash University is the first of its kind is the regarded go more leadership program in law and we just launched that last week and I've been working on that allegation with monitor for 12 months and the two top things all the students have saved is this, I have no idea what my purpose is and there's huge low self confidence. The two things, How is that possible when they're entering into one of the top law schools in the world? Well, yeah, that's right.

Ah, how is that possible? Yes, that's why I feel my work in equipping people to be the authors and leaders of their own life and their destiny is critical because so what if they have a top law degree, They can't even use it to the best potential they might access 2% of it rather than the full opportunity of it. It's a game changer. It is, it is a game changer. You are a game changer. Thank you. And I can only be this way because other people believed in me. It started with my mom and my dad believing to be the author of your life, it also takes other people nourishing that it's okay to be you does, it does, it's important. It is important. It's not the only element though, because you were going to be successful no matter what I'm sure you were.

Thank you very much. I think you know the thing that I drew the line in the sand because everybody needs to draw a line in the sand. If it's not black and white for you, you're not forging your own path because then if black and white for you, you own it 110%, it's yours. And I drew the line in the sand, particularly when I discovered I was gay. I like the way I discovered I was gay. It felt like a discovery even though it seemed everybody knew before me. But there were some promises I made with my best friend, jess, Jessica taft and one of them was that growing up in Zimbabwe, being gay to go to jail, be beaten up and killed. That's not that's not a concept. It's a real fear, it's you know, and I had the fear of being abandoned by my family, but I drew a line in the sand that I had to live my own authentic life, keeping the secret of being gay was killing me inside For what it's every one of you.

You know that when you have a secret inside what it does to you and imagine, you know, I was 21 years old when I started exploring my sexual sexuality, but imagine going in a society where you're not even allowed to think about your sexuality. And as a result, I actually have PTSD as a result of complex pTSD that I've been, I've worked, I worked through, but I'm still empowered. I can say that because it doesn't hold me back, I can acknowledge the impact of my past and I can put things in place to empower me to fulfill my vision, which is, you know, equipping people to be leaders and forge their own path. So I drew the line in the sand to be completely authentic because if people are not authentic, it causes mental health illnesses. There was a time in 2005, I couldn't even walk or leave my bed for three months because of my inauthenticity, my fear of being gay. It causes all these all sorts of illnesses, you know, and just destroys people's lives. Not cool to put it mildly to put it mildly.

That's that's right. So, I mean, what you've just been talking about it and in fact everything that you've learned, what would you go back and tell that Young man 14-16 years old, waiting, waiting, what would you tell him makes me want to cry, It's going to be okay. Just it really is going to be okay and that it's okay to be yourself. The thing that I never get to hear or even even around me or around people is that it's okay to be you. People don't allow you to be you. No. And people people are very quick to give their wisdom for their experience and opinion on something. And so I just really I want that little boy to know that despite oh the conversations all the their disbelief in you, all the fear of being beaten up, All the fear of being destitute.

It's all going to be okay being you and that's what I love the listeners to know today. If you're on the borderline of like choosing fully to be you, it's going to be okay. In fact, it will be one dress which is actually the reason for the existence of my company. It's absolutely empower and enable people to live a wondrous life, not like me, tapioca medicine, okay. Not a good a wondrous life by being okay with a mediocre. But the access to that is allowing ourselves to be, to be completely ourselves. There's only one of us. There's no other O'Gara Goma. There's no other Jackie there. It just can't happen and I can never tell you what to do because I can't feel think smell touch the same way you do. I can empathize, but I can never Whatever, be like you and whatever is unique inside of you unleash it.

People may be scared. That's okay. But it's yours and it's yours for eternity. So so, so powerful. I'm so grateful that I met you all those years ago when I was looking for a co host. I'm so grateful that I have continued to have a relationship and that we're in each other's lives and I'm so grateful that you will you continue to delve deeper and find who you truly are as an example for us to be able to do it as well. So where can people find out more about you because they're going to want to? Well before I share where people can find out about me, thank you for also forging your own part undeservedly. You know, you've created this platform for people to use their voice and share their voice. So I just, first of all, thank you for that um where people can find me and they can find me at connect at Rogard go mo dot com. That's my email address and my website is www dot google dot com.

I'll spell that out. Www dot R U G A R E G O M for mouse. Oh dot com. Thank you. Thank you again so much. Thank you for your time again, you're amazing. Okay, what do you think about the wondrous life. Incredible. I'm just really excited that you sent me a text last night when I asked you about his details that he's in Sydney. It's like for once I get to see someone that we've interviewed because they're amazingly always Melbourne based. Yes. There's a few connections there, isn't there? And even the African connection with your family as well. Yeah, I know. I can't wait to meet him. Actually shot him a message last night. It was amazing to connect. Yeah, I just absolutely adore the story and like I said, it sort of really resonates with my parents who were born and raised in africa too and, you know, left the country to start a new life, but they went into London.

So yeah, I think, you know, how lucky was there and how privileged he was to have his mom do what she was doing to be able to make that initial connection. Right? Yeah, very much so. It's you know, we've spoken about it with a few guests about how they opportunities show up in their life, but they take those opportunities. Whereas you see so many others just probably have opportunities go past them, don't they? Yeah. And they haven't really acted on them. I loved how he was saying, you know, he didn't tell anyone that he wrote the letter and he was he he sounded quite pleasantly surprised, didn't he? That his dad was actually okay with it and and really supportive. Yeah, I wonder how long his dad sat on the letter or process that for himself. But it sounds like his dad was also, you know, very emotionally intelligent, working with youth and things like that too. So while he must have felt the loss, he would have seen the opportunity. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like sort of mulling last night going.

I wonder what the hard bit would have been for Gregory was, you know, just the actual decision to move here or then how the whole journey started for him when he actually moved. It's almost like, okay, the hard work isn't making a decision to move or moving. It's actually what you do with that opportunity once he arrived here. Mm hmm. That's right. It's getting off that plane. It's settling into a house with other people. It's the first day at school. Yeah. It's navigating all those things. And even his story about how his status, like his status affected him as a young kid sort of being without stateless. And then to get the passport to get to Australia and then he doesn't have status in Australia to get university education. And then to even get a job as well. So that continually played out for him. Yeah, that's right. And it's and it is about the, you know, how you feel about your identity, isn't it? To go like I'm trying to do all of these things and you know, who am I where am I?

You know, especially being stateless. I think that's just, you know, it really would make an impact in case you're born in London, but then you're taken to africa and then move to Australia. You know, you're exploring the sexuality and it's like who am I? I would have been an incredible journey for him to really discover who regard he is. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I think as you say, that also has played out for him as well. He talked about being misunderstood. But the second time I listened through to the to the interview, I was thinking as painful as it is, particularly as a child when you feel different and excluded or not part of where you are. It also seems that people who go through that and can recover from that sort of have a greater growth afterwards. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like the trajectory, isn't it? Of going through all of that.

And then you you look at it, you look at almost like that review mirror analogy, isn't it? And you go well like how how have I done that? How have I been? You know, how was I so resilient? How did I get through that? And sometimes you don't know what it is, you're going through until you've got to the other end of it? And you go, wow, I just didn't even realize I could have done that on my own or achieve that much. And I think it was so amazing for that guy to give them that opportunity in the first place and I wonder what their journey is now, what their story is now to Yeah, ongoing. I mean the impact that regard will now have on the people, not only that work with him, but who come across him hear his story, you know, I think it's a big ripple effect too, isn't it? I think that his mission to make sure people don't live mediocre lives that that's not okay for him I think is really at least cause for people to pause and go actually my dreams and visions were greater and what's holding me back except myself.

Yeah, exactly. And you know, I think from that coaching perspective for him, you know, he'd be able to really challenge people and and not not in a comparison form but to go look if this is what I had to endure and I can do it, what it is, that what is it that you have to do and why can't you do? It was interesting about the, the law side of things and I always find that I think is the second person I spoke to the last few weeks that has said that when they find something to work on that is so purpose and so mission related other things around them feels like it isn't anymore, wow, mm hmm. Yeah. And they sort of fall away or become so obvious like he was saying it was so blatantly obvious running those two businesses that the law firm was just losing money hand over fist and the coaching business was growing exponentially and that's it. Big call to make as well, you know, it's not an easy decision to go, okay, well it's not working or it's not aligned to my values or purpose, so I'm not going to do this anymore to close that chapter and, and really, you know, go all in into into the coaching and training site huge point.

Yeah. Because his identity as well would have been so wrapped up with having done a law degree and becoming a lawyer. You know, it's a huge achievement and then all that, the cost and time and effort to put into it, a lot of people can't let that go because of the sun. Yeah, but look at him now, right? He's thriving and in the place that he is happy in and yeah, it would be really interesting. I also like the thing he's doing with this foundation because I wonder what an inspiration he is to the people back at home for him in his home country as well and and what they think, you know, and for him to be that voice to go if I can do it, you can do it too. That's right and his own family being so proud as well. Yeah, yeah. I think well again, I suppose the cuomo foundation was a huge learning curve to all the hurdles he had to do to create this legitimate organization. And I suppose to have it particularly based in Australia, I'm sure we've just got some of the highest regulations around all that stuff, take the learnings from it.

But he also learnt, you know, what is real strengths were in that arena as well and that, you know, you can't do it all. So partner with someone who has the strength that you're missing and bring your strengths to create something greater. Yeah, that's right. And and just really aligned to your mission, right? And I I think, you know, when you are aligned to your mission, it doesn't and we've spoken about this before, it doesn't feel like work or effort. It just becomes almost like an extension of who you are and who you are living and breathing. And I think that's sort of what that foundation is going to be and is mm hmm he's called. I liked him. Yeah, I've got so many favorites. I can't believe it. Like every time we interview someone, I'm like, oh my God, I was just there. My favorite, the my new favorite. I thought exactly that when I sent you the recording I said, this will be in your new favorite. Yeah, it was it was matt matt held the hold position for a week. Yeah. I actually worked with regard.

I did one of his one on one workshops, a two day, one on one and it was really inspiring, interesting deep and I keep thinking I need to go back to those recordings and look over them again because when he talks about questioning the stories and the things that you believe about yourself or believe the way things should be more can open up, don't they? It's just quite often it's difficult to even pinpoint those underlying beliefs and stories that are playing out. Mm Yeah, that's right. You can see that he does a lot of that work where he's uncovering, you know, our conditioning paradigms and how those, how that conditioning affects, you know, the reality of our current life and the results of our current life as well. And so much of our outer results is what's going on in her mind. So much of it, you know, I think you just can't get away from it.

And you know, I remember doing my training with a couple of people and around neural leadership and the subconscious mind and they say if you're not happy with the results that you've got in your outside life, look at what's coming on inside your head because that's where the change needs to happen. It's actually not external. It's internal. Mm mm mm mm. Mm mm Oh, he's screaming Mashie, I've got a cat that's like in the body of a dog. So all of it out. It was a couple of episodes ago that we had kim Morrison on and she certainly says that Your performance is 90% mental. You know, that lady who ran the 100 miles Run that what it was it in under 24 hours or something craziness. And yes, my experience with physical training is certainly That it's 90% in your head, because I know your body can perform its then when you're using your own brain to create, like, you are in your business to create and perform, and it's not something physical.

It's something that you're producing. It's so circular, isn't it? Because it's your brain getting in the way of your own brain. Mhm. Yeah. When it's a brain body thing, I think it's easier to separate and it's so obvious. But when it's a mental performance issue and your brain stopping your own mental performance, it's hard to find that line where you go, okay, this specific thing is impacting this performance, difficult to express. Sorry? No, no, I know what you mean. Well, I look at it like, what you're I don't know if that's what you meant, but like, if you're running and you're tired, you can get that. It's your brain are you saying that when it's, you know, more around what we're doing, that's not physical, it's harder to make that connection. Yeah, Yeah. Get it. Because you can because, you know why though, I think it's because you can put it to other factors as well. You might go, it's other things in my life that's preventing me from, you know, running my business well, or doing this well, or having a difficult conversation and you can you can blame loads of other things right around you, the environment, the fact that you're procrastinating the fact that you don't have enough time.

Whereas if you're doing a physical performance thing, it is just you and your body at that moment in time. So if you're quitting is because your brain is telling you to quit. Yeah. Yes. So there's so much more, I suppose, to dive in into ourselves and into working out, you know, what our purposes and those sort of things. I think that quite often we have a pretty surface level idea of that, but well, that other program that regar is doing is with law students now as well. And I think that that's really crucial because, You know, I certainly did law because I got the marks and so, you know, dealing with a whole lot of 18 and 19 year olds who got into law and I have no idea about their real purpose and have those huge self confidence issues. I think I can see that that's going to create just this amazing cohort of young professionals. Yeah.

And I think that opportunity to talk to that, you know, peer support group as well, to go, what are our expectations of law. I think that's such a big question to ask is people go into it thinking it's one thing and it's something that is totally different, not necessarily bad, but just different to what they think it is. So I think exploring that and really connecting to whether it is what you want to do and it is your dream, not someone else's dream or because you don't know what else to do and you've got the marks that it is what you want to pursue and if it's not, that's okay and have that space environment to talk about what it is that you do want to do. Yeah. Or is there a way that you can utilize your degree or work in the legal industry or in government that in a way that does fulfill your purpose because I mean a law degree is so versatile and that's why so many people don't understand as well. Exactly. I think in the olden days, golden days when we did our degrees. But it was, you do law, you become a lawyer. It was just, that's what it was, right?

But now you're right. It's such a skill that can be used in so many other careers. There's a bit of a foundation for sure. Absolutely. Well, there you go. I hope that you do reach out and meet and work with regard to in some way or Yeah, he's amazing, totally. Yeah, we will already sent him a message yesterday, so hopefully we'll be able to connect this week. Yeah, yeah. So I hope that all our listeners really enjoyed that and certainly please comment on our post on our website I. Q. Meets eq dot com dot au what have you got on for the next week or fortnight? I am actually starting a the program. Have you heard of Dent? Key person of influence? Have you done it? No, I've got the book. Oh yeah and I'm starting that on the first of july so I'm like so stoked and started started looking at it yesterday and it's it's fascinating actually it's what I realized is you don't know what you don't have in your business until you look at something like this and then makes you go, how the hell is my business functioning because it actually doesn't have a lot of these things that need to be had in the business.

So I'm starting that to be able to well officially scale the business I guess in the in the proper way with the right structures in place. But yesterday's thing was all about you know, learning about your pitch and why is it that you do what you're doing exactly what we've just been talking about and how do you connect to that? And they gave this beautiful case study of this woman who was a plumber? I don't know if she's went in the book. I haven't read the book yet. And when she first came she was like yeah I'm a female plumber and I don't really know what my wife is or what it is. And in the end she worked out that hawaii was to really enable women to have a career in plumbing and for other people to recognize that. And then also to connect um water to certain countries that don't have access to it. And then I think it was like about a year ago. I mean she was awarded like an Mbe or something, you know for for her work. And she's like I was just a plumber, but because I just didn't realize how to go out there and pitch myself and get the business and so like I'm really, really pumped with this.

I think it's going to be an amazing program for me just sort of go to the next level. So it starts in july. So yeah, I guess the next couple of weeks is just sort of going through the program and getting my head around what's coming, Wow, that's a big program to is it a 12-month program still that they Well know they condensed it now because there's no on face to face component. So they're doing to 90 days prints? Okay. Yeah. Cool. But you do go through with the same group. Yeah. You do. Yeah. And it's fascinating because you know, they obviously say, how much time are you putting into your business as well and They say you have to have a minimum of 60 minutes a day working on your business throughout this program. So yeah, I think it's going to be really interesting of where in january next year the business eco academy could be, Yeah. Well, even looking back 12 months ago, I mean, the academy wasn't even in existence anymore. So that's a huge step in itself.

And yeah, you're right now. You now you're not just or stanic, you are the academy, you are setting it up to be much bigger have bigger impact and scale. Yeah. So that's me for the next few weeks, absorbing learning, Reading. What about you? Yeah, that's fantastic. I'm not starting anything new. I'm just I'm just moving forward those projects that already have, which I feel like our enough at the moment. Yeah. So yeah, excited just to keep getting legally wise women finished and talking about it more with people and starting to engage with the legal industry and other industries about, you know, how it feels that gap and the impact that it can have for women to. So amazing. Look at us both. I know I love it though. It's such a little bit of an accountability thing, isn't it as well for us, which is great. And the journey of the last 18 months or whatever it's been for us Two years.

That's right. 2019 I think. So, it's just about two years and yes. Yeah. Yeah. And we are, it's a way of recording our journey to. Not that I go back and listen to many, many of them, but I mean it's there. Exactly. Mm hmm. Alright, well, if anyone wants to get in contact with you, what's the best way? Yeah. Thank you. Dot Academy. Great. And the best email for me these days is Jackie at legally Wise Women dot com dot au. So we'll chat to you again in a fortnight. Thank you.

Ep56 A Wondrous Life
Ep56 A Wondrous Life
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