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Coaches Corner: It's never too late to start bettering your life

by Shaun Kober
January 18th 2021

I've had so many great conversations with friends and colleagues about what we see happening in the fitness industry, and thought to myself, "I wish we would have recorded that."

what does it mean to live life to the fullest train to your potential and perform at your best, Leave nothing on the table. That's a non negotiable is that I I strive to be better every day because if I'm not on top of my game, how is anybody else gonna follow me down the road? Keep demanding more of yourself to to live up to that potential and to stay hungry. Training is progress. You know, when I look at the word training, I think of steps, baby steps to get somewhere that you want to be and that is basically your life journey. That's a mindset itself, man, it's like, it's not just about, I know that for you, a lot of that's about the physical, but we're constantly in training, whether it's growing our skill sets, whether it's growing our physical bodies, whether it's growing our relationships whatever and all of that is a training ground and that kind of goes back to the mindset that we just talked about, You underestimate yourself and you don't even start, but then once you start, you often surpass what you thought you could do performance your best mate. That's that's sort of what life is all about. You don't have the knowledge and have the fitness to healthy ambition and drive that no matter what comes along when that next phone call comes, I can just say yes, I don't have to worry, just go and do it.

Hey guys, welcome to this coach's corner episode with my man, Adrian Ellen, this is part two of a 90 minute conversation that I had with him in the first episode, we discussed his journey into coaching and then going from Thailand to bali back to Australia in Perth in this second episode, we dive into a little bit more detail on his journey as a coach and all of the lessons that he's learned and the tools that he's picked up from coaching people along the way. Let's get this episode underway. And what about the, how the demographic change when you got back to Australia and how you had to change your coaching style? Yeah. So I suppose when I got back here then and I came back in March, that's just when kind of covid situation was kind of getting out of hand and I was very fortunate I had my citizenship here in Australia from my first stint. Yeah. And I came back and like not knowing that I would be here for so long, I didn't think I would be here. Like I thought maybe a month or two and then I would go back maybe to valley again and then that wasn't happening and I decided, okay, you know what, look, I'll get back into try gave training a bit of a break as well.

Then, you know, I was like, I was at home doing home workouts and getting the use of resistance bands while everything was kind of on the shutdown and that was great and it was like, look, it's time to have a look around, see what's available and the gyms here are fantastic, you know, the people here are training hard, the gyms have everything you need, you know, even some of the gym, some of the biggest names and values still struggle with having equipment, like, you know, so it's like, it's still coming here was I realized that all, you know, Australia's part, for instance, a lot of money in part, people are willing to spend it on the gyms because otherwise people are going to other gyms, there's a gym every, every block basically around here and yeah, the gym's, I've worked and then I suppose, yeah, I just got to see that the biggest shock I got and you would probably see this as well is that, you know, when you finish a class in Thailand people are hanging around, people are hanging around for the chat and it's great and you get to talk to people and you get to ask him about the class and you know, you just get to, you get to know people as well. I was in here and that was probably my first day on the job and I was in there like five o'clock in the morning.

No, we don't start our classes in Thailand at five o'clock in the morning, we know that they're usually about seven or eight and after the first class, like one hour class turned around, went to the toilet, came back out with jim empty, everyone gone. No one hanging around. I was like, I actually asked myself the question and the other was like, where's everyone gone? And it was like to work as well as like, you know what? I was like shit has like no one actually hangs around. They are like, yeah. And you know, obviously now I can see that like, people just get in, get out in and out in and out, you know, they want yeah, it's, it's a big change of pace here, but you've got to understand that people have other stressors and even when I talked to these people and the high, like the jobs that they do have and the stresses that they have in life. It like, it took me back to like the time that I was doing the mining. I was like, oh jesus, these people have these every day as well like, you know, I was looking enough to have the break and live in Thailand and live in valley and now I'm back and I believe that obviously I can kind of, I'm learning from people every day when I see this and I'm like, jesus, it's something I never, it never dawned on me or even I went back playing football again, you know, we have irish football team and everyone has kids and it was just, it's good to see how people kind of live their lives as they get older than as well, you know.

So uh yeah that was kind of a culture shock to me tell you the truth with this. Yeah for sure man and that's a that's an interesting um kind of journey. It is literally like the opposite of my journey. I got out of the army in 2012 um did my pt course as I was transitioning, got into the civilian world, had a little bit of time off just to kind of decompress after you know three deployments in six years recently returned from Afghanistan heap of shit happened over there etcetera. Um So then I started working in a commercial gym and it was all pts, it was all one on one like there was no group classes or anything like that. I mean I was I was I was taking um group classes so to speak because I was running some of the strengthening auditioning for the rugby team that I played for. Um but you know everything was P. T. And then I started my own business and my whole business was run around pT and small group training you know that was never running any big group classes or anything like that until I actually came to Thailand and and you know like you said I came to Thailand because you know she had happened in my life you know I broke up with my ex girlfriend and I was like I don't really know where I'm going or what I'm doing.

I'm going to go to Thailand I'm going to put myself in that position to take any opportunities that come up, and you know, luckily the cards fell my way and um I got an internship and then within six months became the head coach at Tiger muay thai, and you know, I'm grateful for that, but you know, I gave up a lot of shit to put myself in that position, but you know, I wasn't taking any structured group training classes until I got to Tiger. Um so I was kind of the opposite of what you went through, but that's a good point man about um coaches having to adapt to the people that are in front of them, because when I started my own pt business, you know, it was what you're experiencing now about people coming in, training for an hour and then having to go to work, or me having to schedule them in around their work times before they started work, or during their lunch break, or right after they finish work and um you know, I get clients come in and at the end of the day, I'm like, hey, how you going? I had a really fucking stressful day at work and blah blah blah, I'm like, all right, I can't, you know, I try and push them at training because I was initially like, well I'm going to give this person a fucking training plan, I'm going to give them a nutrition plan, I'm going to hammer him in the gym, but I soon realized that I was just burning them out and I was like, all right, I need to change my tactic.

I need to um look at other options here and I'm like, if they're really fucking stressed out at work and they're coming in with, you know, like little minor injuries and things like that and I'm smashing them. I'm just making them worse. I'm just fucking pushing them further down that down that path, you know? So, I had to go, all right, let's do some things that are kind of going to help them manage their stress and you know, start looking at meditation and focusing more on nutrition and sleep and stress management and that type of stuff. And at times, man, I was like literally um you know, I would have my clients come in and I just get them moving, get them go through some mobility work, get them to go through some stretches. Hey, you got any pain anyway, you have got some pain in my shoulder, blah blah. All right, let's do some mobility work. Let's do some activation work. Let's get your joint realigned, how does that feel good? I feel better now that I blah blah blah. All right, cool, let's go through some lighter based movement where it might be, you know, some um some lighter bodybuilding mind muscle activation type stuff um and I kind of built my systems around those people that I was dealing with day to day and every single person was different man, every single person was a jigsaw puzzle.

And then, you know, obviously through the evolution of my coaching experience, I ended up at Tiger Muay thai and I'm coaching fucking classes with 50 60 people in them, you know, and it's whilst I enjoy doing that because it's very high energy um and everyone's kind of feeding off each other, there's that competitive edge and there's that camaraderie and that competition and um you know that environment for me, I don't enjoy the group classes anywhere near as much as I do the PTS because I can make for me, I personally feel that I can make a lot more or have a lot more of an impact on the person that's in front of me because I'm dealing with them as an individual, not as a collective. Yeah, absolutely, and that's where I think it comes down to, you know, when we talk about people wanted to do Pts and they're saying, oh I don't want to do PT because I don't want to pay for it, I want to do group classes because you know what I what I can do in a week, I can do for one PT, but when people start understanding that everyone is different and in a group class we can't, we can't be specific at one person and expected to work for everyone, you just have to have the knowledge that what I'm putting out, Everyone can do.

But the doing the pt stuff when people come to pts and they get a great coach, you know, is that the coach can explain to them? Like yes, they think, oh he's going to come in, the coach is going to put me through a workout, I'm gonna be sweating and I'm going to be this, that and the other thing and I'm gonna be sore for two days thinking that's the best thing for them in general fact is yes, you have someone that you can speak to about your stressful life and job that that coach will understand and then that coach can give you the tools that they have learned how to manage that. And like you just spoke on um meditation, he said about meditation while they go, like if someone had said meditation to me two years ago, I said you're you've lost the plot, you know, I mean where would that get you up? And like, you know, no, I'm on a streak on Inside Timer and I'm like, I was just doing, I actually went off as the teacher lo and behold of course, most people would know about one half, but he was the teacher today on day 10 and you know, it's like we're all on this journey and have for me to go to someone saying that joe would you try it? You don't push it on anyone, but it's the same with everything else, you know, is that we do have the tools that we can show you how to deal with the stresses in life and then when you come to see me, I'm not gonna add to those stressors, I'm going to give you tools to take away and you can use them and then you can come back to me and then you feel better about yourself every time you're coming to see me not, you know what, and I would have been guilty of doing it as a supplement to the pT before I was like, ok, I'll put you through conditioning session, I'll give you a good session, but at the time I wouldn't have had the tools either myself and you know, at the start as coaches, we all don't have the answers, were still like we're learning every day and every person is different and as soon as we realized that, you know, it's like every some, some person might say, oh I want a meal plan, the same as ex you know, and you're like, no, that can't happen and you're being questioned but yeah, as coaches that when we deal with someone on a 1 to 1 level and I 100% what you're saying is like, you know, you can help more, you can help that person even more Yes, the group fitness classes, it's the place, but if the if that person can see in a group fitness class that you're better That you will be just as probably have more of an impact on their life in a 1-1 basis Then you know, that's where you can help them even more, but I think people and definitely the way life is going obviously over the last couple of months is that people need to be doing the work, you know on themselves, like there is health and fitness, but there is the other 20 hours of the day, 23 hours of the day that we need to look at to improve our lives as well.

Yeah, 100% man, very well said bro, um going back to what you said earlier in the last kind of nine months to 12 months, you said that you've done a lot of work on yourself and you're starting to realize that there's so many other aspects to coaching rather than, like I said earlier, just the fitness and just the nutrition side of things um what's this type, what's the type of stuff that you're working on, that you've realized and how did that come about? Is that because you are now doing more Pts and you are kind of working with people one on one and you are figuring out that every single person to jigsaw puzzle and everyone needs different tools at different times. Yeah, I suppose what it was was when I came back and I had a chance to slow down like I was running around in circles like I had, I was having the best time of my life, tell you the truth, but I just wasn't doing I suppose the mindset coaching and stuff was appearing and I was like I was trying to understand what these people were going on about and I probably just didn't have the time to slow down and think for myself. So when I came back and uh you know what actually it was, it was basically when Simon Hall invited us on the 10 day mastery course, you know that was a game changer, 100% from the people like I was, he invited, you were on there and then I was invited on and I was like skeptical, I was like oh I don't know what this is going to involve and then Simon, Simon was telling us who would be involved and there would be Brett work and meditation and journaling and um speakers would come in and give speeches and uh you know, I was like oh I don't know about this at all and honestly from that moment on, you know, to be able to see you coaching people the way you do like you know, I like I said, I'm like a high energy kind of coach would love to get people moving, I get very excited and then like you come in and do like for instance your push up today on the floor, okay, the tree said I have not done push ups any other way, since you know what I mean?

It's slow and it's controlled. I'm not trying to do 100 push ups anymore, I'm trying to do five and 50 seconds. Yeah, I'm doing 100 Percent bro. That's awesome man. It's not what you do, it's how you do it right, like, and for those people that are listening that weren't on that um on that course is 10 days of um oh man, there's so many workshops from so many different professionals across, you know, a broad spectrum of modalities and myself and Adrian around there and you know, I'm a very educational coach. So rather than just hammering people through a workout, I was like, hey, you know, everyone jumped down into a push up position and what I want to do with the push up is tuck your tailbone under, get your abs engaged, squeeze your legs together, get your glutes firing, then think about squeezing your hands together and then take three seconds to lower down into that bottom position, hold that bottom position, keep everything tight, keep your body like a plank of wood, hold their three seconds, then drive back up three seconds. Don't let anything change. Don't don't let anything move, create that tension throughout the entire body and people did like three push ups and they're like, holy fuck it Was, yeah, that's exactly what it was and like, you know with that 10 day mash of course it was all free and like when I when I did my first class it was like I felt great.

I was like why do you ever say no to things, you know, and I think that's the fear as well, but then like having the chance to see the way you coach, the way lizzie coach, the way joy coach, you know, it's all well and good if we could all work together every day but we don't get to see what each other do every day, you know? And that really opened my eyes and that was just on the fitness aspect. You know, sometimes you might think oh you don't need to turn up to those fitness classes because you know, I do fitness or whatever, you know, I do my own strength condition but you learn from other people and like that push up, it's simple, you think you surely know I do push up. But the way that was done was beautiful and then it wasn't, it was Sarah Greg's journaling course. Sarah Greg gave a speech on journaling and that was the first time I ever journals and from that day on I have a journal in front of me every single day. Like I'm trying to do it every day. I definitely don't miss more than two days that's for sure, you know, but it's definitely come like I've tried this and now I can see the benefits of us and then you had the guys like Simona doing the bread work and you know, there was, there's another couple of girls doing the bread work and that was amazing and again it was just you know, listen to relationship coaches and it was like oh why do I need, why do I need to listen to the relationship coach and then like a couple of months later like I should have listened to that relationship coast speech, I would, I would have probably learned from it, you know, because since I've come back here, my relationship has been my sister because I live with her now because she lives here, but it just makes you look, it just made me look into the other aspects of life that might benefit us and from that day forward yeah, the journaling, the meditation, the way we worked out obviously was in lockdown, so you know, we all know that everyone was putting workouts at home workouts on instagram and what not and like that was great, I had a great time doing that, but just to see when people slow it down, you know, and gave people real value and add value to people's lives, not given what 99% of instagram influencers are giving up, you know, which is like a serious sweat session as much, it's better than doing nothing, but you know, there is value there in, in every aspect.

Yeah man, that's a really good point that I want to um I want to pause on for a moment because and this kind of ties into everything we're talking about with the difference between training people on the soy at unit 27 at Tiger muay thai um compared to training people back home because like I said earlier when people come to the soy, they don't have those fucking stresses of life, right? So they can then train harder because those other stresses are gone and now they can stress their body because training is a stress, right? If you try and train someone like that in their home environment when they've had a really fucking, you know, they've had a poor sleep, they've had a fight with their partner on the way out the door, they've eaten like shit throughout the day, the boss is looking over their shoulder, you know, they got a fucking deadline they're working towards, you know, they get into the gym at the end of the day, they just had a really stressful day and it's not massive levels of stress, It's low level stresses that add up, but then you go into the gym and you fucking smash that person, you're just adding stress on top of stress now that's gonna fuck up their, you know, their their adrenals, it's gonna fuck up their hormone regulation with cortisol and adrenaline and shit like that, it's going to, you know, that's going to affect their ability to sleep, that's going to affect their ability to recover so and so forth.

So that's something that I've taught, you know, educated myself on over the last couple of years through courses, podcast books and things like that is, you know, stresses fucking stress. Our body doesn't understand the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat. So once we start understanding stress, because here's the thing man, you know, nine out of 10 of the top cause of all cause mortality are related to stress. And the only thing that's not related to stress is motor vehicle accidents, right? Everything else is fucking related to stress. So our body is constantly trying to get back to homeostasis that is balanced, right? So if we're under stress then that doesn't matter what that stresses, it might be low level stress, it might be high level stress. And if our body is under stress then it's going to be using all of the food, all of the resources, the nutrients that are coming in to try and deal with that stress, you know, through inflammation, trying to flush out, you know, the bones are the joints, the muscles, um get everything back to get all of the 11 systems of the body back to balance.

And that's the thing, man, like if someone's already chronically stressed out, we can't train that person the same way as we would in Thailand because, you know, those stress levels are completely different, the lifestyles are completely different. Is there anything you want to add to that? Yeah, I suppose when, you know, you touched on the stress and you know, I think it all goes back to the sleeping as well, you know, before we start anything and I think when I had the opportunity to do that 10 day mastery and and fill Anthony gave you sleep talk again, that was just another aspect of this, you know, And I think that kind of reset us all again and being like, okay now I need to get a proper sleep routine and and you know, it does start like, like Phil's had sleep starts first thing in the morning, you know, and it's what we do, how we, how we set ourselves up for that day is how we'll have a productive day as well. But I suppose the tools and tactics that I have fallen since then and you know, when I wasn't working, I had a good sleep routine, I was like, okay, I need to start going to bed at the same time every night, people in Australia go to bed a lot earlier than they do in valley maybe our Thailand, so then I was like okay, maybe in bed for 10 o'clock, but I'm also up earlier because people in Australia up earlier, like I said, it was five a.m. When the gym starts here.

So I had to try and get into that routine as well. And that was really, really difficult at the start. And then I suppose like once we we can set ourselves up with a proper sleep routine like people I think it was, it's taken so much for granted, you know and you can speak about it all day long and I think it's up to the people get that message that that's the first thing that we need to fix. Then you know, there's a lot of other things will fall into place. But yeah, getting up when you get up in the morning, you know uh the meditation has certainly helped and then you know, you're setting yourself up for joy, we have the paris, how do I pronounce it? Yeah paris and the system, you know, getting ourselves into that because we're always in in the other one and we're always in that flight or fight response and we just need to calm down and that's where meditation comes into a play and Brett work. And you know, people, once people start to understand the benefits of that, that's another tool that they can use The journaling, getting your thoughts out onto a piece of paper first thing in the morning, your your tree priorities, like I get people to start off with one priority a day. That's turkey priorities done throughout the month and just the simple fact of writing it down certainly will help you.

And then if you when you get up to your tree priorities per day you have 90 priorities at the end of the, at the end of each month, you know in over a year. These small things will start to add up. So like yeah, just having that, I call the building your base basically, you know, doing the simple thing but not the simple things doing the things that will serve you in the long run, you know, you don't need to be going to the gym. Yes, you just need to do these like these are things that may be walking for 30 minutes, getting, getting, getting the vitamin vitamin D into your first thing in the morning, you know, going out for a walk just being grounded basically and yeah, it's just if you can obviously that is depending on where in the world you are at the moment and you know people are going through quite a hard time in a lot of areas of the world and I think what all this stuff did for me nine months ago has set me up to be a bit more controlled and calm down and be able to add these to other people's lives again, keeping the phone out of the bedroom at night time is another massive one and you know you do your social media detoxing. I like I got that idea from you as well. Yeah, exactly and like I do it today, I want, I won't go on instagram or our youtube or whatever the case may be today because like you know it definitely serves you well and I think people must realize that we have a lot of distractions in our life and it's how we deal with these distractions and you know we can have, they say up to 60,000 thoughts today and most of our re occurring and the more you can get that down onto paper then the more you can start to see what it is is affecting you and what it is you need to control or what it is, you need to like maybe do a bit more work on mhm let's circle back to that in a moment because I think that's extremely important but what I want to touch on now, which I think is like the foundation to build upon before we then go into those um you know, different small habits, but something that you posted on social media about recently was your vision board, can you talk to me about that and explain that to my audience?

Yeah, so I suppose with the vision board it was something that I had seen or heard a lot about before and you know, I have come across it like you see it on instagram other people that are doing really well have visions boards, you know something that they can see every day that is yeah that they can see and they can like this is what it is I should be doing now. I was doing little things like little posted notes. I would write like the priorities was the first thing that I actually started to do. I would write three priorities on a sticky note, stick it to the wall and then next day come back at night and see if I had done that. That was my first. Yeah. Yeah. Can you give me an example? Yeah. So I suppose like my first three priorities would be like basically I need to wash clothes that they can be simple. It didn't need to be anything fantastic. So I need to do my Washington, I need to, I need to food prep and then it's like I have to go collect my sister from the airport this evening. Okay, so some, some things that you, you basically at the start something so simple that you cannot fail. So I need to drink one liter of water per day. That's a priority. I need to um what else could you say?

You know, I need to go from a 20 minute walk. So I have to start making it so easy because everything is energy and if it's too much energy, if I told you all you need to drink five liters of water per day, you need to walk for an hour and you need to uh whatever you need to do that, send out, how would I say a report that you should have done yesterday and it needs to be done today. That's putting a lot of stress and a lot of energy into something that you probably, you know, you freak out halfway through the day. So the idea is just doing the simple things, but back to the vision board anyway, I suppose over the last nine months as I've had a bit more um as tools to use and understanding what works for me. Yeah, so I put together a vision board and basically the first thing was future plans and goals and wanting here is like not, don't ever be afraid to dream big, like you know, you, you need to have, if you have your long term goals, your short term goals don't be afraid whatever it is you want, you write it down and then I just stick it to the vision board in the second section, would have been build your base. These are the things like sleep routine, not having my phone in my room, reading five pages a day, keeping it nice and simple.

Then I have another analogy, it's like what does not make the boat go faster? So I list a couple of things that are not serving me like drinking alcohol to excess, losing day is true. Hangover scrolling social media, um like what else would be? They're not having any structure to my workouts, you know, and the list can go on and you just find things over time and you can add to this as, as the days of the year goes on, there you go, okay, that didn't serve me well. You know, write it down so that you're getting it out there to yourself, you're taking it out of your head and you're putting it on paper upcoming events is another thing. So that if there's something coming up, like we have a nice back this weekend, so on saturday I know not to book something in there. Like if I get a call, if my friend wants to catch up and sorry, I'm going to an event, you can come to this event and you've got like an ice bath event. So yeah, so then you might go, you know, I might be able to fucking push myself at training a little bit more on friday or on saturday morning knowing that that's going to aid recovery. Yeah, exactly. And it's just like having these things in place like McGregor's flight is fighting again in two weeks time.

It's just something I want to go and watch, you know, and it's just a reminder then I have my values and my passion so like my values, like trust, freedom, respect, adventure, you know, personal growth and just having these in front of me and because you know, we speak about having these up and down moments and I believe is like when we're having our up moments were living in terms of our values and then when we're having our dumb moments is because we're not in line with our values, we've gone off track again and you know, we know there's a cycle, but it's like we, yeah, we want those peaks to be a little bit longer and the falls to be that little bit easier, you know, because we don't want to go up so high that we come down too fast because that's what happens. I fucking love that, bro. That's a, that's a very well, um very well world, a very good way to put that. Yeah, and I think like, you know, that has probably taken me a couple of years to come up with that because that's what you figure out through the ups and downs, it's never going to be easy, We will have failures, you know, and how we learn with us, but that's what I think with the values and my passions then like what it is, I I enjoy doing outside the fitness, you know, I enjoy reading, I like watching football, you know, that's probably a massive passion of mine.

I want to play more football, soccer, you know, and whatever else, and then I just, my last section is what needs to happen this week. So I basically write down probably five things that really need to happen and then I get those done. No, this week, it's simple because it's the start of the year and you're not setting yourself up for failure. So basically get back into uh my sleeping routine, drink three liters of water per day. Uh structure strength program, give blood was wanting and then meet a friend of mine, you know, so they're just simple things that I wanted to get done this week and then this week then you restructure it again and you know you see what you kind of do, like I suppose what you would have done in the army and that's what I took from, I forget the name of the book now, but like an after action report. So every week, you know they're like the A. R. S. I think you call them that you just have to review your week, you know what worked, what didn't work, what did I learn? And then like if it's such thing you said last week I was going to go to the gym four times but I only won three times. Okay well why why is that? Maybe you're just putting too much pressure on yourself and then you can restructure, but if we don't physically see what we're doing throughout the week, then we're just going on autopilot again and we'll keep getting the same lessons, we keep thought the same lessons until we learn what it is is working and again everyone is different.

So this is where everyone has to do the work. Like I can't tell you to do the work. It's like how much work can you do, that's not going to take up too much energy and that you can get it done every week. Yeah man, um I've spoken about all of these topics on this podcast, so anyone who's been listening for a long time is probably going tick tick tick tick tick Adrian saying the same fucking things. That's yeah exactly man, you know like there's lessons everywhere bro, like I had a conversation with one of my online clients the other day and he's like dude I've listened to your accountability episodes like a 20 minute episodes, one of my first episodes fucking back may june ish and he's like I've listened to that five times mate and he goes every single time I listened to it, I pick up something new and that's because you know you're you're only going to take those lessons when you're ready to hear them, you know, you need to be at a certain wavelength, a certain mindset, a certain um mind frame to be able to take those lessons and you need to be ready to fucking hear those things, you know because if you haven't built the foundation, if you don't know what your underlying values are, you know you're not going to these things aren't really going to make sense to you and something you said there was super powerful about, you know everything that you're doing, you've written your values out and basically everything that you're doing everything else on that vision board, like you know, for to explain to people at home, like your values are going to be in the fucking middle of that vision board and then everything else is going to be determined by what those values are.

Yeah and it's definitely and like it was something values were never anything from a couple years ago that I would have had even the tools to know about this but true doing the 10 day master of course it came up, we were told about the values, I let it skip, I heard it again, I let it skip and then one day a girl asked me what are my values and I was like, I was giving her like this idea in my head and she was like you haven't written down and I was like I don't, so I went away and I it was actually john the martinis one has a free find your values and its in depth and yeah, so I did that again and you know again you have to do the work, you answer the questions, the awkward difficult questions and you know, even if you had three values and you you lived with those values and you know and it's yeah, you can you live by those well did everything else around, it will flourish for you and it was something that I like it was only through this year and I have had the chance to do this kind of work that I would never have had those tell you the truth, you know, so it's never too late for people don't think just because we're talking about it, that we've been doing it for years, you know, you're you're not missing out what you're just being given a chance to do it now, you know?

So what's here is is that like, you know, it's never too late, just write it down and yeah, that goes for a lot of things really, you know, it's never too late to start 100% man. Um you know how many people can sit in a room alone in silence and that's what it takes, bro, that's what it takes man. You need to be comfortable in your own fucking head, and we live in this society where we're constantly distracted, you know, and until you are able to sit in silence and not reach for your phone or not have music playing, or not have a podcast going or have these external fucking distractions that is drawing your attention, like, until you're able to do that, or willing to do that, like nothing's going to fucking change in your life and having those values is extremely important, so powerful man because when you know what your values are then every fucking decision that you make is going to be in line with those values, you say yes to the things that fit with your values and you say no to the fucking things that don't fit with your values and that just makes and that, you know, it takes that takes hard decisions, but when you make hard decisions, it makes your life easy.

When you make easy decisions that makes your life hard. Oh yeah. And like this was the one thing to say, well just on the values thing there again is like being a people pleaser, for instance, a friend of mine rang me the last day and he was like, you want to go to this event, that's on thursday night, me and the boys are going and straight away, I said yes again the next 20 minutes later I was like that's that's a drinking session, it's on the middle of the week and it's going to set me up for failure. And I was like, you're not living to your values of like showing up every day, like I said, it would know what to start to the year for myself and for others. And I rang him back 20 minutes later, I'm like, look, I'm not going to go to that, I'm sorry, you know, and it's as if you avoid your friends over everything, but if it's not going to line, it's it's a hard thing to do to tell your friends, you're not going to go to an event that they want to, but I'm getting good at saying no, no, that's the truth and stop being a people pleaser. That's what a lot of people need to do as well to stop trying to live other people's values because that's exactly what it is. Everyone has different values. You want to align with yours. Yes there needs to be a middle way. If you have a partner, if the two of you have different values you need to find that middle that middle section where it keeps you happy.

But I think yeah something so simple and understanding your values will will take you a long way. Mm Let's dive into that a little bit deeper man. Cause I think this is a very intriguing conversation. Um how has your life changed since you actually wrote down your values? You sat down with yourself and you had a look in the fucking mirror and you said what what are the values that I want to live by? How's your life changed? And there we have it part two with Adrian Ellen on the coach's corner. Uh we have one more episode to come where we dive a little bit deeper into the tools that he's picked up along the way. And he also gives some really good examples on how he uses those tools. If you enjoyed this conversation please make sure you tag us in your stories a job is at a I. D. O. A. L. A. N. At a doe Ellen? I'm at coach underscore codes ko bes if you enjoyed this conversation please pass it off to your friends and family and any five star ratings and reviews are appreciated.

Much Love Guys piece.

Coaches Corner: It's never too late to start bettering your life
Coaches Corner: It's never too late to start bettering your life
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