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Learn to say no

by Shaun Kober
December 13th 2021

So many self-help books and gurus sprout the benefits of saying "YES."
Whilst this mindset can certainly be beneficial at times, it can also create more problems because when you say ... More

your what is up guys, welcome back to the live transform podcast, I'm your host, Sean Cobra. I have just returned from 3.5 months Away where I went to Russia for 7-8 weeks in fight camp with pd on and then I went to the U. A. E spent a couple of weeks in Dubai with him, followed by abu Dhabi for fight week after that, I had a week off in Dubai and then went to India to film a project which we live in the next couple of months. I'm really looking forward to sharing that with you, but for now I can't say too much. Um just know that it was pretty epic. Okay, I've been back in Thailand for a week now and something I want to talk about is um being able to say no, cultivating the ability to say no because you know, so many um self help gurus and books and things like that, just like say yes, say yes, say yes to everything now, saying yes to things yeah, it can be important because when you say yes to some things, then you say no to other things, but then there's gonna be times in your life where it's extremely important to know when to say no and cultivate the ability to be able to do that, it's about picking and choosing when to say yes and when to say no, so I'll give you an example from my own life, so I got back to Thailand last Wednesday, I'm recording this on Wednesday, the 8th of december to go live on the following monday.

Um but over this last weekend my rugby mates had a rugby match on and you know, I've been away for a number of months, I hadn't seen those guys, it would have been really fucking awesome for me to go and play a game of catch up with those boys and socialized, build those relationships and get back onto um that social network, but in saying that because I've been away for so long, I'm an introvert, so you know, if I had have gone away and spent that time with the boys had played rugby, one potentially got injured because I hadn't been training um Specific for rugby for at least three and a half to four months. Okay, But to, you know, because um I would have gone and put myself in that situation in that social environment, being an introvert, it takes me a lot of energy to be in that social environment and I can be in that social environment, but I do need to um create a little bit of solitude and space for myself every time I've had like a big weekend or big social environments, big gatherings etcetera etcetera because you know, for me solitude does recharge the batteries and when I'm around people all the time, it expends a lot of energy, it takes a lot of energy from me now, the reason I bring this Up is because whilst I was away for those three and a half months, I was in fight camp with Petey and I was surrounded by Russian dudes the entire time, all of his training partners, um other coaches etcetera will constantly, you know, having meals together, we're training together, you know, spending 4, 5, 6 hours per day with these guys every single day um and then going to India, um you know, I was around people all the time there as well, so I was constantly giving my energy and anyone that coaches, anyone that trains other people knows that, you know, when you give people your energy, it takes a lot out of you, I can coach 34 or five hours per day of PT sessions and group training classes and I'm fucking spent so you know, I really value that time alone, that solitude where I can recharge, rejuvenate, reinvigorate and refresh myself.

So getting back, I got back last Wednesday, I had a couple of days um where I was coaching, I was kind of just getting back into the swing of things, I started unpacking my clothes and I actually found that there was a little bit of mold in my apartment because I've been away so long. So you know, whilst I was already planning on having that weekend to myself and not spending time and energy with other people and allowing myself to recharge the batteries prior to stepping into a full working week, this week um you know, that gave me an excuse to stay at home and really focus on cleaning everything up and minimizing my apartment, getting rid of things that I don't need any more, you know, so I could have easily said yes to going out and playing rugby, meeting my friends, getting in that social environment, drinking, etcetera, etcetera. And whilst you know, that is high on my list of priorities, particularly for this year, that was something I mentioned earlier this year that I want to work on is building those social networks. Um because you know, relationships have not been a big priority in my past and it's something I want to work on this year.

I also knew that my number one priority was recharging, recharging my batteries, spending some time in solitude, having my own space not seeing anyone. So the entire weekend, people found out that I had returned back to Thailand and I had Messages for like three or 4 days including over the weekend saying, hey man, I heard you back, really love to catch up, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And I said no to every single person. And that's because that value of spending that time alone and recharging my own batteries was more important than building those relationships. Now, here's the thing, my cup was empty because I had spent 3.5 months away giving my time energy and effort to other people and the projects that I was working on, okay. So I needed to take that time to recharge because going back into a full work week this week, you know, I would have been pouring from an empty cup if I had have gone away for the weekend, spent my time with my friends, played rugby, et cetera, you know, I wouldn't have had that chance to refill my cup, which meant that I would have been starting this week on the back foot.

So, you know, whilst there is a time to say yes to things, there's also a time to say no to things and that's a great point because a lot of the times when we're working towards goals and things like that, most people want to do more, they want to add things into their life where sometimes it's about removing friction points. Sometimes it's about saying no to things and taking things out of your life and minimizing to the basics, the basic necessities and keeping your life simple and minimalistic so that you can do what's necessary for yourself. I had that weekend to myself, you know, I've kicked off this week on the front foot, my energy levels are high. I'm feeling good. I'm really excited to be back. I'm really excited to be coaching again, I'm really, really excited to be in front of people again, back into my routine um with training with podcasting with study etcetera, etcetera, but if I had have said yes to going and playing rugby and seeing my mates over the weekend, then I would have said no to recharging and refilling my cup so that I could pour from that cup towards other people and give people time, energy and effort.

So again, knowing when to say no is extremely important and sometimes even more important than saying yes to things. That's it for today's episode guys, hopefully you got something out of this, I will be bringing some great guests to you over the next couple of weeks, stay tuned and any five star ratings and reviews are much appreciated, much love peace.

Learn to say no
Learn to say no
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