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S2 E31: Dedicated to my Dad!

by Clifton Pettyjohn
September 26th 2020

For the last week, I have been attempting to piece together the words and they just wouldn't come to me. So I pressed record and started talking.

Okay God so what happened like yo you gave that to him but you didn't think to give me even like a portion of it as a health and wellness coach. Gordon walker JR assists his clients and losing weight, gaining weight are just being fit. He also helps with meal plans. You can reach him at 30 to 9908907 or you can visit the website at Numa 24 dot go herbal Life dot com. That's Nouma 24 at Gold Herbal Yeah. What's up everybody you are listening to the what now podcast where we discuss ways of effectively addressing life's most difficult moments.

Okay, what's up everybody? Welcome back to the what now podcast. That's right. The what now podcast where we discuss effective ways of facing life's most difficult moments. My name is clinton petty john but before I tell you a little bit about myself, let's go back remember we have replaced that were difficult with what? That's right defining moments, defining moments. Why? Because we have the right the ability and the responsibility to define those moments and not allow those moments to define us. Now my name is clipped. A petty john I'm a purpose strategist, author, transformation coach and spiritual leader. I provide tools and strategies to transition individuals from merely existing to living life full of purpose. That's right. Living life full of purpose. Now if you're out there and you're wondering if I am talking to you. If you're wondering at purpose it's inside of you, I want you to take this time to breathe in, hold it, breathe out one more time, breathe in, hold it, breathe out.

If you were able to complete the exercise that means that there's breath yet in your body. Therefore purpose remains. I'm excited to be back with you guys. I have not done a show where I sat and spoke to you guys in a little while. I've been utilizing this platform as well to introduce you guys to other voices that are changing the world, capturing the world, impacting the world whatever you want to identify it, I've been introducing you to different voices so that we have diversity on this show. If you know anything about me, I believe in repping diversity, I believe in repping diversity. I believe that it is important that we have everyone at the table, that everyone is represented in some manner at the table. Why? Because when we have that diversity, it gives us the ability to learn from each other.

When we learn from each other, it gives us the ability, the ability to grow. It gives us the the ability, the ability, the ability to develop. It gives us the ability to stretch ourselves out. Inexperienced life to the fullest. All right, so guys, here's why I'm on tonight. My father passed away last week yet the last week by time you hear it? Yes. Um and I've been trying to find the language to say something on facebook. I wanted to write something on facebook. You know sometimes people write nice things on facebook, I wanted to do that and every time I went to sit down to put the words together. For some reason I was not able to find the very words to say. So then I started thinking I was like cliff, why are you trying to write something when you are far better speaker than you are a writer now that says something as well too because listen if you read my first book from stagnation of transformation which is available at www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation.

If you've read that, then you know I'm a pretty good writer, I'm a pretty good writer, but I know that my greatest skill, my greatest gift is my ability to communicate through this beautiful voice through this voice that everybody loves through this voice that brings peace, guidance, direction and understanding through this this voice that brings about revelation and importation that brings about transformation. Yo so I sat and I realized Cliff, you're trying to find the words to say well you just need to hop on the mic and just start talking and if you hop on the mic and start talking then the words will come to you, the words will come to you if you know me. I believe in organic conversations, I don't believe in scripting a lot of things. I respect those who go by a script, I understand the purpose of a script, it has its place, it has its value, but for this platform and for transformation radio where we transform lives through organic conversations regardless of how uncomfortable and unpopular those conversations or you can check that out by visiting my website www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com we have already launched season three, it is available on multiple platforms.

So I want you to go there listen to the first episode of season three, then I want you to go back and listen to season two and season one. Okay, baby. But I don't want you to do that right now. Okay. So if you know, uh if you've ever listened to the show, you already know that I'm big on organic conversations because you get to feel the pain, You get to feel the passion. You get to feel the love, You get to feel the excitement, You get to feel the energy because it's happening right then and right there. So, we're gonna have a conversation tonight and this is a conversation that I want to have either with my father, I guess I would want to have it with him or you know about him or to him or however. All right, so, I want you to sit back, relax and enjoy today's or tonight's episode. So here I am! Here I am. I'm facing the reality that my father is no longer with us uh in the physical sense, he's no longer physically here with us.

And I've had a roller coaster of emotions throughout this week. I've had a roller coaster of emotions. I still remember the phone call from his wife. I still remember all of those things and I'm just sitting and I'm contemplating and I'm sitting and I'm thinking, and as I'm sitting and I'm thinking I'm just at a space where it's like, man, sometimes we don't have respect for time. Mhm. Mhm Yeah. Many people define stagnation has not producing and I understand that but let me add a little weight to the definition of stagnation stagnation maybe where you're not producing, but it also may be where you're producing at a level or in a dimension that's disrespectful to your purpose and your creation. I've written a tool that will assist you to number one, find out the areas that you have stagnation in and the number two is gonna give you some tools, strategies and techniques to transition from stagnation to transformation.

And that tool of that book is called from stagnation of transformation. I want you to head over to my website right now and I want you to download the preview of the book after you download the preview of the book. Read it after you read it in your hook. I want you to come back to the website and I want you to purchase your copy of from stagnation of transformation. Why? Because I want you to make an investment in your now to produce a future that's connected to your purpose. So again, I want you to visit www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation at the top. You're going to see a tab that says book preview, clicking download it, read it and I want you to come back and purchase your copy of from stagnation to transformation. Yeah, we don't have respect for time. And I'm gonna say sometimes I don't have respect for time because I don't want to just throw a blanket statement out there in that statement does not have anything to do with you.

Sometimes I haven't respected time. Sometimes I believed that we have forever, whether we have forever with individuals or we just have forever to do. Some of the things that we've been called created and designed to do. And some of us may say, well cliff, you know, I have a respect for tom and I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying and you may have a respect for tom. But some of us don't. The reality is that, you know, some of us don't have that respect for tom and it's not in what we verbally say. Sometimes it's in our actions, that's in our behaviors is in our inability to show up. You know, one of the things that, uh, I haven't said much to a lot of people. I've only said this too few people around the month of june june or july the creator really begin to deal with me about my ability to show up and to be present.

My ability to show up and be present. He began to deal with me a month later, I was contacted by a young man. I call him my pastor, He has a great movement to reform. Michael Westen is doing a great work. Y'all I'm telling you, Check it out, check it out. Check it out. He contacted me about being a foreign leader for september and the subject he wanted to talk about was covenant he wanted me to cover was covenant. And one of the things I did not want to talk about covenant because I realized that me talking about covenant was going to make me have to deal with some of the things in my life. Now, here's the thing I never, when I talk about situations, I'm never going to talk about, excuse me, The other person, I'm always gonna talk about me. I'm going to talk about what God dealt with me about. I'm going to talk about my shortcomings. I'm going to talk about my stubbornness. I'm going to talk about my pride. I'm going to talk about all of the things that I embodied that calls me not to make very good decisions over the years or to cause me to make good decisions over the years.

Why? Because I have to work on me? I can't work on nobody else. I can't focus on anybody else. I have to focus on me. I have to focus on me, baby, can you focus on me? That's talking to myself? All right. But so he asked me what I teach on covenant. Okay. So I said, sure, I don't mind. Um, but the whole time I'm minding, but I knew it was an assignment from Elohim. I knew that the creator wanted me to talk about covenant and why would he wanted me to talk about covenant? He wanted me to talk about covenant because he wanted me to face. Some of the things that I spent years running from, and the main thing that I spent years running from was myself, I spent years running from myself, I spent years running from myself. And here's the thing about running for you from yourself. Sometimes when you run from yourself and manifest in ways where you run from your familiar, you run from your family, you run from your family and you start to create other families, you start to create other families.

You start to impact other families, you start to empower other families. You start to set other things up that don't force you to deal with. The thing that you're running from. It doesn't force you to deal with the thing that you're running from. If you listen to me, this happens a lot in ministry. It happens a lot of ministry. And it is these reasons that somebody sees somebody that's my brother, that's my uncle, that's my sister, this is my spiritual mom, that's my spiritual mom. This is my spiritual father, that's my spiritual father. I'm not talking against the family units that are built in ministry. I believe it's effective, I believe when it's done correctly, it's very effective, but I'm saying that when you do that from a place of Brokenness that is not healthy. That is not healthy and that's why you find yourself making multiple families within that because now you're still searching fourth of everything that you keep running from it, You can't get it from this unit, you can't get it from that unit, you can't get it from that unit.

And the reality is, you will never get it until you return to the original unit. Now, I'm not saying that when you return to it, that it's gonna be all peaches and cream, I'm not saying that when you return to it, you guys are gonna be tight knitted or any of those things, but you can't run from it, you cannot run from it. And there may be times that God tells you to separate yourself, that you have to separate yourself and there's a purpose behind you being separated, A purpose behind him separating you. But you need to make sure that you don't extend that separation or you have to make sure that you aren't the result or the reason for the separation, you have to make sure that when he tells you to go back, you go back, you don't go back too soon. You don't go back to late. You go back when he tells you to go back and you know, I talk about God, I talk about the creator Elohim, Yahweh, I talk about him on here because that's who works for me, it works for me. Whoever you subscribe to, you already know, I respect that, I respect that, but I have to give you principles, thoughts and values based upon what I personally experience and what has worked for me throughout the years.

Okay, so I was out, I was building families, I was, you know, empowering God was using me greatly, using me greatly, but I still had an emptiness there, that was still an emptiness there and this is a two fold thing for me covenant, okay, Because a lot of people think that I just separated myself from my dad's family, but the reality is that I also separated myself from my mom's family and it wasn't too long ago that I really started reconnecting with my mom's family. So uh about you, as I said, june God started dealing with me concerning it, talking about covenant and everything, letting me know how, even though I was being effective and even though he was using me and using me greatly and in some areas that there was still portions of me, fragments of me that I needed to go back and pick up and go back and pick up and me and my dad, we started talking uh more, we were talking about linking up and getting together and go and see my grand mom and you know, we really had begin to talk about, you know, other things and I really was beginning to make efforts to no longer be the reason why I wasn't connected to my family, but yet at the same time, still thinking I had time, I still thought I had time, I still thought that I had time.

Um and as I said, I started reconnecting with my mother's family as well, and a lot of things, I'll tell you one of the things, a lot of answers, a lot of questions got answered, A lot of greater understanding was brought about. So then we fast forward to here where we are now. And you know, I'm just thinking about some of the memories I had with my dad. I remember when I remember when my mother passed and it was a very low moment for me, probably the lowest moment of my life, and I remember going through my bout of depression. Yo, I mean when I tell you, I went through depression, yo it was depression times 20 oh, I went through the greatest bout of depression of my life because my mother was the rock of our family and she was my best friend, I could tell my mother anything, and I felt as if I lost my best friend and I didn't know what to do. And there were times I remember God gave me so much grace, I will go to work and nobody would know what was going on with me, nobody would know what was going on with me.

Some people knew because, you know, they can see and then someone would communicate it to but I was able to still function at work. But I was living life like a zombie. I remember that I remember you know going through those times and I have to say that was the time that my father was there for me more than I ever can remember. He was there for me through the that was the roughest time of my life and s s something about someone who can be there for you in the roughest time of your life. That can love you through the roughest time of your life. Because I know during that time in that space in life I was hard to love. Yeah fit for sport, fit for life. Numa Wellness inspired offers mobile massage services.

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New maid is spelled P N. E U M A D E. Or you can call them at 302 9908907. Mm hmm. Mhm. And I know that there's been other spaces in life that I have been hard to love. I know that I know that, I know that. So I was I'm grateful for that time. I remember those times, I remember the conversations, I remember the times he just let me talk and then I remember the times he lay into me, you feel me? I remember those times, you know, I remember being younger him coming to my games. I re I remember the wedding now listen, y'all remember the wedding because I remember the song he sung to his wife that was like, well, I think it was my first time hearing him sing. And I remember I got mad because I was like, what? Okay God. So what happened? Like yo you gave that to him but you didn't think to give me even like a portion of it.

Like just a small little portion of it. Like when I still don't understand that today, like, okay, why haven't I son? Well maybe maybe it's fellow on me now. Maybe maybe it's here now, maybe I need to exercise. I don't think so. But I remember him singing and then guys, there's this picture that's going around right now. Matter of fact, I might make it the actual and I'd probably be the cover of this episode. I'm trying to understand this outfit that I had on. It is not the outfit I'm trying to understand, but on one side of the shirt, the shirt is tucked into my belt, but it's not tucked into my pants. I don't know what I was thinking, I just don't get it, I don't get it. But you know, I just think about a lot of the memories. Um and you know, with, with my dad and my encouragement to each and every one of you that is listening to this podcast is that you not waste another moment with your loved ones, that you not waste another moment with your loved ones if they're still here.

one of the things that I told one of my friends is that I'm at a space in life now where people are going to have to tell me to back off a cliff, you gotta back off because you're just doing too much. That's going to help me find that balance because I realized that I'm not great at relationships. I'm laughing about it. You know, I realized that like, you know, I realized that I've talked about my marriage, how, you know, I feel like I was a better friend than I was a husband and then after this, I have to really, really think about it was I even a good friend, but that's a whole another conversation for another day, but I want to say this to my brothers, from my brother juan p to my brother Dante to my sisters, lisa Shawnee, Whitney Shelly to all my nieces and nephews.

I want to publicly apologize for not being there. I want to publicly apologize for not being there. But the reality is I gotta be honest with you, I just didn't know how to be there. I did not know how to be there and I understand that that sounds like something dumb to say. I just didn't know how to be there because I just couldn't face myself and I'm not even talking about my sexuality. That's not has nothing to do with it. And I know I know whose I am. I know I know and I'm proud to be a gay black man filming, but I'm talking about just facing who I was. You know, I had several bouts with depression, several bouts with low self esteem, self hatred, all of those things. I hated the way I talk. I hated the way I look and that's the crazy thing about it. How in the world could I hate the way I look, just look at me but I really did.

I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I talked, I hated the way I acted. I hated all those things about me. I hated that I was quiet now I've embraced that that's the reality of it now I've embraced who I am. I'm just a very observant person when I get to know people, I'm not as quiet as people think that I am, but that's just who I am. So I do. I apologize for not being there for you guys to my brothers and sisters. Uh, starting with my brother juan p you already know I did a whole episode dedicated to you. I love you bro, to my other brother and sisters. Y'all. I just love you. I think you all are amazing. I know that dad is proud of each and every one of you. Um, I just pray that we stick together and I know we will. I know we will, but I also pray that each and every one of you will continue to tap into your purpose and God's design for your life and I just pray for continuous success in every area of your life, to my grandmother and grandfather.

Oh, I love y'all to life. I love you to life and I'm so glad I'm not, I'm not glad about the situation but I am glad that we've been brought together now. I'm glad that we've been brought together. Now. I'm truly glad about that mom, sure you already know what's up. I love you. I appreciate you. Um I appreciate you being that bridge at times. I remember the conversations you had with me. I remember the conversations you had with me. I remember our time studying the word together. Remember that rod to work to You always talk about that ride to work where I couldn't see. But my question is did you make it there safely? That's the only thing that matters. But I love you. I admire your strength. I admire your, your poise. I admire just who you are uh in God. And I just continue to pray for your strength and your encouragement. And I want you to know that we got your back through this entire situation and We want nothing for you but for you to live your life.

You already know how dad would want you to do it. To live your life, to enjoy life. You have a much more life to enjoy. So we just will be here to support you 100%. So that's pretty much everything I had to say. As I said, I just couldn't piece the words together. But dad, I just want you to know I love and appreciate you. I love and appreciate you. I may not have said it as much as I needed to say or I may have said it, but may not have shown it as much as I need to show a funny story. Funny story. Okay, So this year, dad's birthday. Okay. I missed his birthday. I miss his birthday this year and dad text me a couple days later. It's a cliff. Everything. All right. I said, yeah, everything. All right. How's your eyes? He always asked about my eyes always ask about his back. Everything is good. We talk sports, you know. And then it clicked to me, Wait a minute. I missed dad's birthday.

So I apologized to him for missing his birthday. Now that's not the funny part of the story. Cause some of y'all probably like some sun you are listen, I've probably done far worse than that, you know? Thank God for forgiveness. Amen. Anyway, fast forward to june Father's Day. I wake up the sunday before Father's Day and I said, oh, snap. I didn't text that and tell him happy Father's Day. So I sent him this text on Father's Day. I can't remember everything I said in the text. And at the end of I put Happy Father's Day. I love you man. He text me back. No, I kept driving and uh I reached out to my son and I said, wait a minute. You didn't tell me Happy Father's Day. And he was like, yo Father's day is next week. So I text them back and I was like, I see him a week early. That's me making up for the miss birthday. I said, but I meant everything that I said and I'm gonna resend you that same message next week.

But that was just a little funny story. But Dad, I love you, thank you for everything that you did and thank you for being who you were to. Each and every one of us, we all love you and you live on in each and every one of us. And as we are not together, we will see more of you then we've ever seen before. But I want you to know that I am present, create a great day walk with purpose and by all means execute your vision peace.

S2 E31: Dedicated to my Dad!
S2 E31: Dedicated to my Dad!
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