me talking about this and working through this as I was driving as a yesterday I think really shows me how many times friendships can be broken up, relationships can be broken up between boyfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend husband, wife, wife, wife, husband, husband. However you identify um how they can be broken up over a misunderstanding because neither one of us is willing or neither one of them is willing to communicate you know the space that they're in and I realized that I was not willing to communicate all these years how I really felt about myself. Mhm. Feed yeah yeah yeah as a health and wellness coach. Gordon walker JR assists his clients in losing weight, gaining weight are just being fit.

He also helps with meal plans. You can reach him at 30 to 9908907 or you can visit the website at Numa 24 dot goal herbal Life dot com. That's Nouma 24 at goal herbal Life.com. Mhm. Thank you. Yeah. Mhm. What's up everybody you are listening to the what now podcast where we discuss ways of effectively addressing life's most difficult moments. Okay what's up everybody welcome back to the what now podcast. That's right the wood now podcast where we have discussions about effectively facing life's most difficult moments but we scratched that we scratch that were difficult and we place defining there.

Why? Because we have matured to the place to understand that we have the right the ability and the responsibility to define those moments and we no longer define those moments as difficult or we no longer allow those moments to define us. We take back our rightful authority and we define those moments in our own lives. My name is Clinton patty, john I'm a purpose strategist, author, transformation coach and spiritual leader. I provide tools and strategies to transition individuals from merely existing to living a life full of purpose. That's right for a purpose. There is purpose lodged inside of you. We're not going to do the exercise, but I just want you to know there's purpose inside of you. If you're listening to me, if you can hear me purposes inside of you. So we just want to help unlock that purpose in you. We just want to bring you back to that purpose. We just want to open your eyes and cause that purpose to be illuminated unto you.

For you to realize, wait a minute. I've been sleeping on myself. I've been focused on everybody else sleeping on me, but I've been sleeping on myself. So today is august the 20th, which means it is my brother's birthday. I want to send a shout out to juan P I want to say happy birthday, I pray that you enjoy your day. I pray that you were celebrated the way that you go out of your way to celebrate everybody else. If you listen to the podcast, you've heard me talk about my brother. So you already know that I talk about him and my mother and I talk about their heart and their willingness to do anything for everybody and their willingness to love and embrace and take in everybody and be there for everybody. And you know, I always explain it, I have a portion of that, however, I'm not gonna sit and pretend that I have it to the degree that they have it, but he has a very big heart, he loves, loves hard and he's there for a lot of people. So it was great going to the party on sunday and seeing everybody be there for him to celebrate him.

So I love you bro, pray you enjoy your day, you hear this, you're gonna hear it late because I'm recording it on the 20th, but I don't know when this is dropping but just want to send a birthday shout out to you. So it kind of leads to why I got on anyway to talk. First of all, I'm gonna try to stop talking fast because somebody told me I talk too fast, so I'm going to talk like this and I'm playing someone slow it down a little bit. But I wanted to get on tonight because this was real heavy in my spirit. High out of the starting on playing, let me stop. But this has really been on my mind the last couple of days. Um I went to my brother's party on sunday, okay, and I'm out there and if you know me, I don't make many public appearances and I guess this can kind of be titled. I thought their life was better off without me. This can be the conclusion of this. Yeah, this would be the conclusion of this because um if you listen to one or two and I want you to go back and listen to, I'm not going to get deep in it, you'll find out with me.

Um I separated myself from my family for years, I've separated myself from a lot of people for years and sometimes people have interpreted that as me thinking that I'm better than people. Uh it's been interpreted as me being standoffish. It's been interpreted that I guess. Yeah, that that I think I'm better than a lot of people. I just don't want to deal with people. And it never really was that it never really was that Not at all. Um I went to this, you know, to my brothers party and one of the things I realized even the more is how social verse I'm socially awkward. Uh and I've been like that for years, you know, that that that is really me. But also I struggle with social anxiety now, some of them don't be claiming that I have to claim it, I have to claim it so I can deal with it. Ok, baby. Um I struggle with social anxiety, but I can't say that I struggle with social anxiety because the struggle with social anxiety means that you push your put yourself in situations where you have to face that anxiety.

I kind of was in a different person. I avoid social events. Um So now I'm at a space in life where I'm trying to get a lot of things right that I did wrong. Um As I said there's times that I I've abandoned people I was absent for years um without an explanation and I think that sometimes a lot of people thought that it has something to do with them and you know through therapy and through my personal growth and development I realized it had nothing to do with them. It was really a matter of me accepting the totality of who I was. Yeah. Yeah yeah fit for sport, fit for life. Numa wellness inspired offers mobile massage services.

Gordon? Walker JR specializes in deep tissue in sports massages, massages range from 60 to 90 minutes. Numerous hours of operations are monday through friday 9 30 AM to six PM. Happy hours are between 1:30 p.m. And 5:30 p.m. Monday through friday. During this time clients receive massages at a discounted rate. Gordon also specializes in paraffin treatment, ear candling, mobile first aid cpr and a D. Classes as well as mobile notary services coming soon, zumba and yoga classes for more information and to schedule an appointment visit www dot Numa wellness spa dot com or email them at new made 7816 at gmail dot com.

New maid is spelled P N E U M A D E. Or you can call them at 302 9908907. Yeah. Mhm feet yeah. Mhm. Um you know with the good they're not so good all of those things the flaws and all um as Beyonce says so eloquently and uh what's her name kiki care share says in their songs about flaws. But I realized that a lot of people have taken that as if uh huh I really thought I was better than them. And the sad part about it is and this shows you know me talking about this and working through this as I was driving as a yesterday. I think really shows me how many times friendships can be broken up, relationships can be broken up between boyfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, wife, wife, husband, husband.

However you identify um how they can be broken up over a misunderstanding because neither one of us is willing or neither one of them is willing to communicate, you know the space that they're in and I realized that I was not willing to communicate all these years how I really felt about myself to everybody that you know that I just abandoned and I became a person that I would leave and come back and leave and come back many times. I didn't come back by choice. You know I mean I'll switch you, I never chose to come back. It was almost as if I always found myself uh as a jasmine Sullivan going to Sullivan going in circles, circles around around. Um but I found myself continually continually circling the same mountain because I was running, attempting to avoid things that I really needed to face in my personal life and many times the things that we need to face in our personal life are connected to family and friends that we have disconnected from, that.

Honestly, we never should have disconnected from now. I know we all in our cut off season sometimes, but that sometimes that we honestly shouldn't have cut some people off or shouldn't have ran from people or shouldn't have stayed away from people because it was sometimes being in the presence that was making us face and deal with some of the things that we are so readily are we so readily running from, run from running from run from and you know, I'm just sitting there at the party or the dinner and I'm there with family and I'm looking at friends, I went to high school with and I'm looking at all of these different things. I'm looking at all of the relationships that have been established over the years and for a minute I took a step back and realize like, yo you haven't even established any relationships with these people that you grew up with for all these years ago and I started going back to high school.

And it started making me think about high school and my social awkwardness in high school and my standoffishness at high school. And it took me back to a time my mother was mentoring a young lady and she went to school with me and my brother and my mom was telling her who we were and she was like, oh yeah, I know juan p he's nice um cliff. He thinks he's better than everybody. And I remember that broke me then, because in my mind, I'm saying thinking I give off that I think I'm better than everybody when I don't even like me. That was funny to me, but it hurt me too because I didn't want to project that two people, not at all. I didn't want to project that to people. But the same part about it was I think I've spent the majority of my life projecting that two people now belong to this faith community. Okay. And in this faith community, the leader of the faith community, He encourages um a forum yeah form platform.

He encourages a lot of interaction within the form. There we go. I don't know, I got tongue twisted there. Um but I realized I'm not even comfortable sometimes communicating within a forum that's virtual. So it all begins to make sense to me, you know, make sense to me on the areas that, you know, I have to work on to embrace the wholeness that is mine. And one of the things I have to acknowledge in this last part was that their lives are not better off without me now, I'm not saying that I'm, you know, I'm not explaining myself their lives were not better off without me and I was not better off without them. So now I have to work two, interject myself into everyone's life without forcing myself in there. And so I'm saying you don't have to do all that, but I do, I do because I don't want anybody to feel as if, you know, I don't love them, I don't want to be there for them.

I just realized within myself that even though within the search a little, even though within the church culture, getting little choked up here, um I was attempting to build family a lot of times the family I was attempting to build in church culture was only because I was trying to avoid developing the relationships with my family. Yeah, today is a great day to start your own podcast. Whether you're looking for a new marketing channel, I have a message you want to share with the world or just think it would be fun to have your own talk show podcasting is an easy, inexpensive and fun way to expand your reach online buzz sprout is hands down the easiest and best way to launch promote and track your podcast, your show can be online and listed in all the major platform directories like apple podcast, Spotify, google podcasts and more within minutes of finishing your recording Podcasting isn't hard when you have the right partners.

And the team at Buzz sprout is passionate about helping you succeed, joined over 100,000 podcasters already using buds sprout to get their message out to the world. You'll get a great looking podcast, website, audio players that you can drop into other websites, detailed analytics to show how people are listening tools to promote your episodes and more. So start your show today by using the link provided in the show notes this let's Buzz Sprout. No, we sent you and it gives you an opportunity to receive a $20 amazon gift card as well as it helps support our show. Mhm feet. Yes. Yeah. Mhm. It's just a lot to think about. Um but I'm unpacking all of this stuff and one of the things that I'm doing in this last or not last.

So this next phase of my life is that I wanted, this probably sounds like a so sad podcast. I'm just sitting here listening to it and I'm like, oh my God, I promise you stay with me, we're about to be blessed. Alright, I'm about to take you to the next dimension if you just stay with me. But because sometimes we got to deal with some of the things in our life that as I said, we ran from for so long. We don't like to talk about And sometimes they do come off as sad. They come off as depressing. They come off as some of those things uh that we just don't really care to talk about. But we have to talk through those things. We have to get through those things so that we can begin to rebuild, that God can rebuild. Uh I don't want to say rebuild. But that that some restructuring can take place in our lives. Some restructuring can take place in our lives. And I'm gonna tell you this too. If we will deal with the things that we ran from, we won't keep trying to fill our lives with space fillers.

That can only be filled with the things that we ran from. So what exactly are you running from on tonight? So you know I'm there and my cousin comes to me and tell me the story. Oh that some of the people I went to school with were telling him and he was like, I'm just sick of hearing about how great you were with this and that in baseball and how accurate you were with the football. And he said I'm just sick of hearing all that stuff. And I'm saying thinking, wait a minute. That's how they viewed me because in my mind I just always thought everybody hated me. You got to understand like this thing was real to me for years. Like mm hmm It just really hit. So I came home and I just begin to deal with some things internally.

To realize that as much growth as I've had. As much as I've experienced success in certain areas. That were still some pain. That was still some hurt. There was still some rejection. There was still some frustration. There was still some misunderstanding. There was still some miscommunication or still some lack of communication that I had to deal with internally. Why? Because it wasn't dealing with anybody else. What I was dealing with the other people were simply a result of what I was not dealing with within myself. So I had to begin to start a conversation with me to find out. When did all of this stuff starts, When did the store? Why did it start? And more importantly, what are you going to do about it? I thought that life was better off without me and perhaps her life was better off with the without the superficial side of me Because for years I hid the real me.

I didn't let very few people got in to see me. Got in to see who I really was. But now I realized that life was not better off without me. I need them. They need me. So I have to stand up be who I am and be present and who I am. I can't go and change the past. I can't worry about the future. I can only focus on what now and what now is I realized the importance and building those relationships because I'm gonna tell you one thing, it is very lonely to be successful and think who can I call and share with, who's going to take time to listen, Have you ever been passionate about something and you're trying to share it with somebody and you feel as if man, they're just not as excited about it as I am excited about it.

Sometimes they're not because well they're just a space filler, we want them to have the animation and the enthusiasm that we're having, but that's just not their role in our life, so we have to stop filling spaces and connect with those that serve the capacity that we are attempting to force in other people's lives. Maybe you don't have to do it, but I do, maybe that's why I'm single too Hm something to think about, listen, thank you for tuning in. It wasn't a very long episode on tonight, but I wanted to conclude that I thought their life was better off without me, so I wanted to bring it to a conclusion and bring the reality of that I realized that their life was not better off without me and my life was not better off without them and I have a lot of work that I have to do. Excuse me, but I have to balance it out as well I have to balance it all out with everything else that's going on.

So here's what I want you to text to me today. I want you to text the word better. 230 to 6485544. Again 30 to 6485544. And listen your inner for a chance to win our giveaway, as I always say, create a great day walk with purpose and by all means execute your vision peace fed. Yeah. Many people define stagnation as not producing or being at a standstill. I get it. However, I would like to add a little weight to the definition and say that I may be producing. I may be moving. However, my production and my movements are disrespectful to the purpose that's inside of me to the greatness that's inside of me if that's going on that stagnation as well.

And that's okay. Guess why? Because I have developed a tool, I wrote a book called from stagnation and transformation. And that book was written specifically for individuals that feel stuck that feel lost, that feel like they're just wandering in the wilderness. They feel like they just need something, it's just missing. It's okay. I want you to hit over to www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation there. You're gonna find a complimentary portion of the book. That's right a complimentary portion of the book. I want you to read that portion after that. It's gonna ignite such a fire inside of you that you're gonna want to purchase, the your personal copy of from stagnation of transformation. So I want you to do that as well. Why? Because I believe that it will give you a 21 day jump star to fulfilling or re identifying purpose and whatever core area you find yourself stagnant in.

So again, visit www. Dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation.