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S2 E21: AM I GUARDING MY HEART OR AM I BLOCKING IT?

by Clifton Pettyjohn
August 5th 2020
00:33:10
Description

In this episode, purpose strategist, author, transformation coach, radio host and spiritual leader Clifton Pettyjohn "Clif" discusses his thoughts on a post he viewed in a Facebook group ... More

What's up everybody you are listening to the What now podcast where we discuss ways of effectively addressing life's most difficult moments. Okay Yeah. Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome back to the what now podcast. That's right. The what now podcast where we discuss positive ways of effectively facing life's most difficult moments and remember we don't call them difficult anymore. We've taken that word difficult out and we place defining so they are not difficult moments. They are defining moments. And the reason why they are defining moments is because we have the ability, the responsibility and the right, I got it right this time guys and the right to define those moments in our lives and not allow those moments to define us why? Because we are greater than moments. We are greater than moments.

My name is Clinton Petty, john, I'm a purpose strategist, author, transformation coach and spiritual leader. I provide tools and strategies to transition you from merely existing to living a life full of purpose. For the sake of the podcast though you can call me cliff. I appreciate each and every one of you tuning in on Today tonight, whenever you are listening, I appreciate you. I appreciate the value that you add to the show. So because of that we're gonna dive right into the tonight's conversation. Okay, so tonight's conversation may get a little emotional, it may get a little emotional um belong to some group on facebook. There's so many. Sometimes I can't remember the name of all of the groups, but I, I belong to some pretty good groups because I'm very selective with the groups that I joined. But somebody asked this question in the group. And that thing really triggered something in me that got my mind racing, got my spirit racing, got my emotions racing.

It really made me begin to think and wonder the truth of this question for me. And I really begin to think about it and I really don't believe I have a full answer yet. Or maybe I have an answer and I know that the answer is not what I wanted to be. So I'm blocking out the possibility of that being an answer and making excuses for why that's the answer. Y'all know what I'm saying. We've all done that before. So here's the question, Am I guarding my heart or am I blocking it? Am I guarding my heart or am I blocking it, man? That thing hit me so hard because as far as with with me, that is one of the excuses I use a lot with not connecting with people and even not being in relationships. I'm just guarding my heart. I'm going in my heart. I'm guarding my arm too nice of a person. My heart's been broken too many times and I do want to say this. Do not try to piece together puzzle pieces of the puzzle as I'm talking.

Do not try to piece together puzzles and relationships or which relationship you may feel as if I'm talking about, scratch all that. We're not doing all that. Okay. I mean you can do it if you want to, you'll never understand. Okay baby, let's go. So I thought about it, I was like, my heart's been broken, I've broken people's hearts before, so I kinda hesitant about putting myself out there again, but here's what I really, and I thought about this for a long time and I actually big hypocrite, I actually tell people this, excuse me, I'll actually tell my clients this and I tell my friends and other people that come to me concerning relationships as I said before in a previous podcast. For some reason, I give the greatest advice for relationships with everybody else, but I can't seem to keep one myself or get myself good enough advice anyway. So I always explain to them that sometimes you have to, you have to allow your heart to be broken, you have to allow it to be broken.

Now, I'm not saying that you continue to make the same decisions over and over again, which causes the same lessons to come again. I'm not gonna say you to be taught the same lessons again because when we're actually taught a lesson, we progress beyond that. There's different types of heartbreaks that we all need to experience. There are things in my life that I did not like going through. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have went through some of those things, but the reality is that even with some of those things, it was decisions I made that caused me to be in them. So maybe if I didn't have a choice, I technically had a choice. And still, okay, never mind processing some things out loud. But it wouldn't have went the way I think it's sean pace Rose, Lashaun pace rose. That said it. If I was in control of my life, I think that I'd worked things out differently. She said there'd be no hurt, no pain, no disappointment of these things.

My life would be scot free. But then she goes on to say, but that just goes to show how little I know about leading about control in my life, because all things work together for the good of them who love, you know, the scripture. So, um perhaps, you know, I know I was saying we need to need to experience heartbreak. We need to experience those heartbreaks. Okay guys, we need different types of heartbreaks. We don't need the same heartbreak over and over again. And if you find yourself with your heart broken in the same manner, it was broken before or the same area that it was broken before, Maybe it's a lesson that you're that you're not being paying attention to your not quite aware of yet. And I've been there, I've been there before. Different face, the same lesson, different person, same experience.

And it wasn't even about the person, it was about me, it was about me because sometimes we put ourselves in situations and this is not to attack anybody. God. So don't you go here and yeah, Cliff Cliff told me I'm only with you anyway because I haven't dealt with the side of me that attracts trash like you anyway, now we're not doing that type of a game, but there are some things that are inside of us, one of the greatest articles I've ever read, I was talking about how trauma in relationships we have to make sure that what we are drawn to and what we are actually attracted to is not trauma. If we're only attracted to each other because of our shared trauma, eventually as close as we may grow will end up growing that that much further apart because eventually somebody's gonna have to, is going to have a desire and begin to take steps to deal with their trauma.

So what happens to a relationship that the foundation was built on unaddressed trauma in a willingness or unwillingness to address that unaddressed trauma? That was the whole foundation of the relationship? What happens when a part of that foundation now begins to lean or gets a few cracks in the foundation and realizes, wait a minute in order for me to hell or to repair these cracks, then I'm gonna have to deal with my trauma. What happens then what do you guys have in common and to be honest with you, that's what happens many times with a lot of relationships. That's why I encourage relationship counseling. Have I always utilized relationship counseling? No, I have not handsome single. So I encourage it because sometimes you can be so caught up in the moment and so mesmerized by their eyes and by their shape and by their words about whatever it is that you are attracted to about them, that you are forgetting to ask the questions that's gonna trace some things in their lives.

And sometimes people are great people, you're a great person. I'm a great person but we may not be able to be together because we may be great separate and we may do some great things together. But yet we are toxic for each other. That's why you can't get upset. And I know people think my perspective of relationships and X is, is to a lot of people strings. Once we're not together, I don't care who you get with. That's none of my business. I don't own you. Some of that is is part of our unaddressed trauma as well. Some of that part of our unaddressed trauma when we feel as if people are our possession. Many people define stagnation as not producing or being at a standstill. I get it. However, I would like to add a little weight to the definition and say that I may be producing, I may be moving.

However, my production and my movements are disrespectful to the purpose that's inside of me to the greatness that's inside of me, if that's going on that stagnation as well and that's okay. Guess why? Because I have developed a tool. I wrote a book called from stagnation and transformation. And that book was written specifically for individuals that feel stuck, that feel lost, that feel like they're just wandering in the wilderness. They feel like they just need something, it's just missing. It's okay. I want you to hit over to www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation there. You're gonna find a complimentary portion of the book. That's right. A complimentary portion of the book. I want you to read that portion after that. It's going to ignite such a fire inside of you that you're gonna want to purchase the, your personal copy of from stagnation of transformation.

So I want you to do that as well. Why? Because I believe that it will give you a 21 day jump star to fulfilling or re identifying purpose and whatever core area you find yourself stagnant in. So again, visit www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation. Mhm Yeah, but let's get back on track and talk about what we were talking about because we didn't start talking about trauma, we just started talking about people being our possession and all of those things are important for us to realize, especially if we're gonna be effective individually as well as in relationship because some of us take that mindset, even concerning our friends and our loved ones I got little cousin, uh, that's my baby every now and then she calls me, she did it today. As a matter of fact, she calls me my cliff, not cliff.

She'll say my cliff as if I'm only hers, I, I belong solely to her. She's supposed to get all the time, all the attention and I have to explain to her, I'm not just your cliff. You know, I'm everybody that needs me or wants me in their lives, their life cliff. She doesn't like that all the time. But some of us grew up as adults and had that same mindset. You don't want your friends to be friends with somebody else or you don't want them to be more closer friend with somebody else than they are of you. You don't want any of those things. You become very possessive concerning individuals, learn to let people go. You got to learn to let people go, let people grow and let them grow because I'm be honest with you. If I only hang around you and you only hang around me. We, it's gonna come a point where we're going to reach that glass ceiling baby, it's not going to be much growth any longer allow people to expand and be who they are, okay, that's free.

But I had to realize or I'm facing the reality of maybe I'm not guarding my heart. Maybe I'm blocking my heart from receiving what it is that my heart needs. Maybe my heart needs me to go out and try this dating thing again, which is totally different in this day and time. Like my God, um, but maybe that's what my heart needs may be, we feel our heart breaking or maybe we feel our heart isn't in the best condition or maybe we haven't healed in some areas because we are blocking our heart from healing. Because what if you're healing has to come through another area of Brokenness in your heart? I know it sounds oxymoronic. I know it sounds crazy. I know you're probably thinking, dude, I do not want to hear nothing you're saying. But what if, like, I mean, come on, let's face the reality, those of us that can honestly say, because if you notice, I did admit that I'm blocking my heart, I'm not guarding it because I do feel you need to guard your heart.

I need I do feel you need to use wisdom, you need to exercise wisdom. However, I do believe that uh we have learned how to say we're guarding our heart while blocking our heart as well. Now some of the stuff that comes, we need to block it. We need to block it, block it, block it, but I promise you that there are some that have come or that would come if you're hard, didn't appear to be blocked. They can't even see your heart because you got an icebox where your heart used to be, you got an icebox there. They can't even see your heart. Well, they ought to be the ones to come and make my heart milk. How about you take responsibility for that. How about you? Stop looking for somebody to come and heal you and you begin to heal yourself, which in turns positions you for somebody that may be of some greater value as it relates to your life, your purpose, your design, your vision, your destiny.

Then you can connect, connect with somebody or attract somebody of greater quality. May be the reason why cliff. I'm gonna use myself because I don't want none of you be uh he talking about me. I am but maybe the reason why I keep attracting broken individuals and we're all I'm not saying that I'll become perfect and the other person to become perfect. But I'm saying there are there are dimensions of Brokenness. There's a Brokenness that's healing and then there's a Brokenness that I'm just broken. I use this as a defense mechanism. I use excuses while I'm broken and I refuse to face the reality of me needing to heal myself. So perhaps that's what it is. Perhaps you need to take this moment to heal yourself. We take this moment to continue to heal ourselves. So that we don't even desire to block our heart something's there that's causing us to desire to block our heart because to be honest with you, that's not how we were created to be.

We were not created to block the feelings in our heart or to block the desires of our heart. We weren't designed to to live like that. Now I know what the word of God says concerning the heart. I do not always tell people to chase, you know, to follow your heart because I know the heart can deceive. We're not talking about it from that premise on today, we're talking about it from the premise of are you allowing yourself to really live? We talk about living on this podcast. Are you living or are you existing? And I have to be honest with you in that area of my life? I'm existing. I haven't allowed myself to live but I made up my mind real talk right while we're talking and you guys are hearing me talk so you'll be able to hold me accountable. I'm making up my mind to live not just exist. Because what if what if I take the wood out of the wood? If and say if what if I take the if out of the wood if and I just do man, am I guarding my heart and my blocking it?

Am I blocking my blessings and my blocking opportunities. Am I blocking the next move or phase of my life? Because I got road blocks up where I should just have offense roadblock. You can't get by offense. You can at least open. I mean you can get by robe. I think y'all know what I'm trying to go with The analogy. It can be a wall. Let's use a wall. One of my favorite poems is called Stone by Stone. It was in a chicken noodle soup book. We used to read them every year every day to our students at Richard Allen. Today is a great day to start your own podcast. Whether you're looking for a new marketing channel, I have a message you want to share with the world or just think it would be fun to have your own talk show, podcasting is an easy and expensive and fun way to expand your reach online.

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This let's buzz sprout. No, we sent you and it gives you an opportunity to receive a $20 amazon gift card as well as it helps support our show. Hey guys, guess what happened? Sat here, recorded the whole end of the podcast, reading the poem giving my last words all of those great things. Never hit record on the camera. So We really do it again. Leave it to me. So that's a problem we used to share with our students all the way back in 1999. I still use it today. Guys, I still use this poem today and coaching sessions with friends. Anybody that talks to me about relationships or talk to me about love or feelings or anything. I always take the time to share this poem with them. That's how much I value this poem. Here we go. I have a wall you cannot see because it's deep inside of me and blocks my heart on every size and helps emotions there to hide.

You can't reach in, I can't reach out. You wonder what it's all about. The wall I built that you can't see results from insecurity. Each time my tender heart was hurt. The scars within grew worse and worse. So stone by stone I built my wall that now so thick it will not fall. Please understand that it's not you continue trying to break through. I want so much to show myself and love from you would really help so bit by bit, chip at my wall to stone by stone it starts to fall. I know the process will be slow. It's never easy to let go of hurts and failures. Long ingrained upon one heart upon one's heart from years of pain. I'm so afraid to let you in. I know I might get hurt again. I try so hard to break the wall but seemed to get nowhere at all for stone upon stone. Each stone I've stacked and left between them.

Not a crack. The only way to make it fall. Our imperfections in the wall. I did the best I could to build a perfect wall but there are still a few small flaws which are the key to breaking through the wall to me. Please understand, please use each flaw to cause a crack to knock a stone off the stack for just as stone by stone was laid with every hurt with every pain. Stone by stone. The wall will break as love replaces every egg. Please be the one who cares enough to find the flaws no matter what And I love that poem. We used to read that poem. I used to have discussions with the kids about the poem. I had discussions with staff about the poem because I feel like so many people are in that various state. It's the state we're talking about today where we're not guarding our hearts but we're blocking our hearts, that wall, she said the wall was so thick it would not fall.

It was a complete wall around the heart. But if she asked, you know, she was asking for help, you know, for somebody to chip at the wall. And I love that. I think that's beautiful. I do. I really do. I do, I do, I do, I do. However, I do want to say to us that before someone comes in our lives, we have to begin to chip out that wall and tear that wall down because we have to begin to take responsibility for some of those hurts and those pains and the rejections that we went through because I'm not saying that all of those things we calls, but sometimes it's the decisions we made. The people that we are attracted to and sometimes were only attracted, as I said earlier to people based upon our trauma are based upon our experience, are based upon the generational curses that need to be broken, that were passed down, you know, throughout our family law. So we have to begin to break the wall down.

And as we, as Jericho say, break the wall down, chris Jericho to wrestle. I wasn't talking about the Biblical city of Jericho, the wall of Jericho, but you know, maybe that's what you need to do to uh use that strategy to break the wall down. But I want us to begin to chip out it ourselves and really begin to do the internal work that we need to do. So that we can heal. Because I believe that when we heal it changes even who were attracted to and what we attract. You'd be surprised at what the hell did you would attract. But you can't fathom what the real you will attract because you haven't given the he the healed, you would attract because you haven't given the hell ju an opportunity. And I want to say this because I know that sometimes when we talk about sensitive situations like this, some of us get case sensitive as uh my brother Gordon says and as I say sometimes we need to we get all up in our baby feelings.

We need to rub it in our chest. Alright. But anyway, I am not talking about situations that happened where you at a disadvantage and you were taken advantage of. But what I am talking about Yes, those situations happen. They are responsible for what they did to you. But you are responsible for what you allow what they did to you to do to you. You're responsible for your healing. You're responsible for your deliverance. You're responsible for the decisions that you make now in your life. It hurts. I get it, it hurts. They were wrong. They may not apologize but it's time for you to heal yourself. It's time for you to tear that thing down at yourself. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it. Stop telling yourself you can and if you need assistance you can always visit www dot clinton. Pettijohn dot com.

You can set up a coaching session or I have a tool that I have developed. I'm not gonna talk about that tool because the commercial's gonna run at the end of the show. So make sure you stay tuned to listen for that commercial. Okay? And then invest in your nail through that tool to produce the future that's connected to your purpose. Listen, before I go, I do want to encourage each and every one of you. If you're listening to this part of the episode and you've listened all the way through. I encourage you to text what I want, y'all to text today. Oh text I will heal myself. Text. I will heal myself 30-6 for a 5544. Why? Because that begins a dialogue between us as well as you'll be entered to win a prize. You will be entered to win a prize. So I encourage you to listen to the podcast.

Well, you already listen to it. Text me, let me know you listen, as I always say, create a great day walk with purpose and by all means guys execute your vision piece. Mhm Mhm Many people define stagnation as not producing or being at a standstill. I get it. However, I would like to add a little weight to the definition and say that I may be producing, I may be moving however, my production and my movements are disrespectful to the purpose that's inside of me, to the greatness that's inside of me. If that's going on that stagnation as well and that's okay, guess why? Because I have developed a tool. I wrote a book called from stagnation and transformation. And that book was written specifically for individuals that feel stuck that feel lost, that feel like they're just wandering in the wilderness that feel like they just need something.

It's just missing. It's okay. I want you to hit over to www dot clinton petty john dot com forward slash transformation there. You're gonna find a complimentary portion of the book. That's right. A complimentary portion of the book. I want you to read that portion After that. It's gonna ignite such a fire inside of you that you're gonna want to purchase, the your personal copy of from stagnation of transformation. So I want you to do that as well. Why? Because I believe that it will give you a 21 day jump start to fulfilling or re identifying purpose and whatever core area you find yourself stagnant in. So again, visit www dot clinton Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation. Yeah, feet. Mhm. Are you thinking of selling or buying your dream home then contact Harrison Dominic in the people's agent As a licensed realtor and both.

Delaware and Merlin Harrison desires to help you sell or buy your home and he promises you that your experience with him will be great. Call or text him today at 302 2600659. Or email him at Harrison dom market at G bell dot com. Mhm. Feet. Yeah. Mhm Anthony baker JR is the ceo of a nonprofit community organization called helping the homeless as an organization. They are committed to changing lives and making other smile. In addition to providing hands on services for the homeless community all over philadelphia, they also have a big brothers mentoring program. Were participating, youth are taught the value of giving back to their community to learn more about the organization.

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S2 E21: AM I GUARDING MY HEART OR AM I BLOCKING IT?
S2 E21: AM I GUARDING MY HEART OR AM I BLOCKING IT?
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