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S2 E13: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY | I THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER WITHOUT ME (PART 2)

by Clifton Pettyjohn
June 22nd 2020
00:55:52
Description

In this episode, purpose strategist, author, transformation coach, radio host and spiritual leader Clifton Pettyjohn has a heart to heart with fathers and children around the world. He also honors ... More

Hey, what's up everybody? Listen, If you have not heard about anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Number one is free. Yeah, I got your attention now, right Number two there's creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer. Number three anchor will distribute your podcast for you. So it can be heard on Spotify, Apple podcast and many more. Number four you can make money from your podcast. That's right. You can make money from your podcast with no minimum viewership. Number five is everything you need to make a podcast in one place. So right now download the free anchor app or go to anchor dot FM to get started. What's up everybody you are listening to the what now podcast where we discuss ways of effectively addressing life's most difficult moments.

Yeah, okay. Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome back to the What now podcast. That's right. The what now podcast where we have conversations about effectively addressing or facing life's most difficult moments and if you remember if you listen before and if this is your first time, listen, let me explain it to you. We have scratched out that were difficult, are difficult and we have substituted that are replaced that with defining moments. So we have conversations about facing and addressing life's most defining moments and the reason why we call them defining moments is not because we allow the moments to define us but we've taken back the power we have taken back the authority and the right that was given to us, delegated to us by our creator and we now define those moments and do not allow those moments to define the totality of who we are. So thank you for joining me for joining me on today.

My name is Clinton Petty john for the sake of the podcast, you can call me cliff. Listen, this is our followed Father Day special and apparently I can't speak today. I recorded this at four AM this morning, okay, It's almost midnight. So Father's Day is technically almost over because I had, I'm having to re record this because for some reason there was a great buzzing in the background throughout the entire Mhm episode. Like I uploaded it and everything and had to hurry up and pull it back down. Some people heard it and I apologize if you heard it and heard that quality. I do apologize. I still don't know what the buzzing was. I'm recording. I have new equipment, so I'm confused. So, you know, either way we get through it, you live, you learn it's okay that I had to re record because I realized I forgot some people that I wanted to acknowledge anyway, so we're gonna take that time to go through that list again and we're gonna acknowledge everybody, there's only two I think I forgot.

Um but we're gonna make sure we acknowledge those fathers and I'm gonna acknowledge my sons, my mentees again, but listen, his Father's Day, wait and I just want to take time to acknowledge the fathers out there, Whatever role you play, maybe you're a big brother that has stepped in to be the father, Maybe you're a community activists or someone that's in the community and the school system, whatever the church, whatever it is you are, you stepped into that role. We honor you on today as well. We don't want you to feel left out and unappreciated. You are taking a major responsibility. That honestly, technically is not yours, but when we look at the weight of it all many times it does become ours. I have been honored and grateful to be able to serve as a father. Too many as a big brother, to many as an uncle, to many as a big cousin.

Too many to whatever they call me a mentor, you know, a coach, whatever I've been honored to be able to do that, I don't take that lightly guys. Our young people are not our future, they are now they are now, what now, what are we gonna do now to teach them exactly what needs to be taught to them, not just through our words, but even through our actions, how hard would it be for us to just take five minutes out of our day just to speak life into some young people are just to hang around them, play basketball with them football, baseball cards, whatever you play, video games, whatever it is they want to do, just to sit and make them feel special for that moment and make them understand that you are so important. You are so special that I'm gonna take this time to spend with you. That's an investment that we're making into the future. So I encourage you out there, especially black men, black men, we, we've got to be out there in our communities, we have to be out there in our schools, we have to be out there so that they can see the positive example.

And I'm big on diversity, Big on diversity. Those who may not know. I host a radio show, transformation radio where we transform lives through purposeful conversations regardless of how uncomfortable and unpopular those conversations are. And my quest on that show is to introduce our audience to a variety of individuals, male and female from all races, different cultures. Uh, those even, um, that are part of the lbgt Q Plus community, shout out to my community. I want everybody to understand the diversity of how we all are, why? Because somebody is looking for somebody that they can look up to, that kind of reminds them of themselves. So if we keep producing the same type of people, I hate, I always say this, I hate seeing groups of people where everybody acts the same. Everybody looks the same. Everybody walks the same, Everybody dresses the same.

Everybody talks the same. There's no diversity there. And I feel like where there is not no diversity, there is no growth or there's no uh expansion, you know, our expansion of consciousness or expansion of understanding on expansion of experiences because we're all the same. We all enjoy the same things. We all go the same places. How boring would that be. I don't want two of me, I enjoyed me, but I don't want to of me, I want people around me that have diverse interests and even belief systems, because I can learn from them. They can learn from me doesn't mean I have to take on their belief system, but maybe there's something that I can pull from what it is that they believe, a personal conviction that they have that can help me along my journey. That's not what we're talking about today. We're talking about fathers on today and I really want to talk on the subject of I thought my life was better off without them because there's a lot of fathers that are out there that are absent.

There are some that are absent emotionally, some that are absent psychologically, some that are absent absent spiritually and then some that are absent physically and each absence that's experienced by the Children or the family. It hurts. It really hurts. But sometimes I don't believe that we take the time to dissect or examine the fact that may be the one that's absent is absent because they're hurt as well. Now, I'm not fall back, I'm not making excuses for it because I am a big person. If you are big enough to take on the action to produce the blessing That comes in the form of a baby, then you need to take responsibility for your actions. But I also am aware I've I've dealt with people from all walks of life now. I started at the age of 19, working in the school systems and in ministry At the age of 19 and now I'm 40.

So how many years is that? 21 years. So I've seen the complexity of each situation. What I want us to begin to examine is okay, Why does dad stay away? Why does that not seem to be involved? Isn't that he doesn't want to? Is it that that he doesn't know how to isn't that nobody was there for him. Isn't that he feels as if he's a greater threat than he would be an asset. Did we ever think about that? Did we ever really think about it in the sense of maybe it is a good thing that he's not around right now. I remember a bishop talking about how when he grew up, his father wasn't around, but then when his father started to come around, he was older and he started seeing some of the things his father was doing and he had a conversation with God and he said from that conversation, he began to understand and thank God for shielding him from that when he was more vulnerable because if his father was around doing those things, then it may have had a greater influence on him and his path man with a different route.

Maybe that's why God has you and your father where you guys are now because of the path that he has chosen for the both of you. But the reality is that eventually you guys paths are going to cross. I can talk about me and my father when I was younger, my father was not around for whatever reason, you know, for whatever reason, he was not around. Uh, as far as my mother and I want to say this to the mothers that are raising single mothers that are raising your Children don't put your mouth on the father. My mother never said anything ill towards my father. And I remember I was mad with her. I hated, I didn't hate her. I hated that. She wouldn't say anything negative. But her mindset was you guys going to form your own relationship. You form your own opinion about your father. That was her whole mindset. She never talk down about him. No slick comments. None of those things. Parents, mothers don't do that. Do not do that because I'm gonna tell you the truth. It's a two fold thing for me.

If you're gonna sit and down the father so much now I'm gonna question you because you chose to lay down with that person that you're bad mouthing now to produce the child or the blessing that you produced. So you got to begin to examine within yourself and make sure, you know, you're doing everything in your power not to influence the thought processes of your Children or the decisions that your Children make concerning their father. But if I could speak to the fathers, if ever there's a time to deal with the personal situation that you that you have going on, it is now time is too precious and time is too valuable. Mhm. Mhm, mm hmm. Are you thinking of selling or buying your dream home? Then contact Harrison Dominic in the people's agent As a licensed realtor and both Delaware and Merlin.

Harrison desires to help you sell or buy your home and he promises you that your experience with him will be great. Call or text him today at (302) 260 0659. Or email him at Harrison dom market at g bell dot com. Mhm. I was talking about the situation with my father. I remember, you know, him not being around or him coming around, but it wasn't, he didn't come around much. Okay. And um, then later in life my father was attempting to come around, but you know what I did. Now I didn't want him around. I didn't, I didn't want him around. So now I begin to be resistant to his attempts to men what needed to be mended and that's not good at something you got the right, because he shouldn't have did this and he shouldn't have did that and he shouldn't have did this and he shouldn't have did that.

Okay guys, okay, I get it, I get it. Okay, But it comes to space and in time in your life where you have to look beyond all of that and look at the big picture. Now, I'm not talking about putting yourself out there to constantly be stumped in your face. I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about the big picture and giving people an opportunity to grow and mature and develop into evolve. Sometimes we don't give people the grace that we desire to receive. I'm very careful about saying karma karma karma, because sometimes we're releasing karma and then that's what's manifesting in our lives when we expect grace, you can't release karma and expect grace. And that's not saying that people won't, we don't have to pay for some of, you know, the things that we do, there are consequences connected to every choice that we make, we make. But y'all let's give people a little more room and a little more boundaries to grow.

And I'm saying this from a space, I'm 40 now, so I'm saying this from A 40 year old perspective, I did not have this perspective when I was younger but I'm urging us to teach these to teach our young people to be a little more flexible and give people time to grow. I know, I know, I know, and I want to say to the young people, it's not about you, it's not when I say it's not about you, it's not your fault, there's nothing you can do that's gonna change someone else, so I want you to stop carrying that burden, that it's your fault, that your dad is not around and we're not bashing fathers, as I said, I just sat and gave you my story, you know, the second attempt for us to come together, that's my fault. Now, I'm at a space where it's like, I yearn for family, you know, and I got to take straws to I got to continue to take straws, you know, in certain areas, because, you know, I realized I've been successful in a lot of areas of my life, but there's been two areas I have not been successful in that's relationships, I said this on another show, I can help you through a relationship, talk you through that thing, walk you through that thing, but when it comes to me walking, like I'm talking while walking, like I'm talking, I can't do it, I don't get it, that's a whole another conversation and then number two, when it comes to family are separated myself from my family, as I said, I thought my life was better off without them, you know, I thought their life was better off without me.

I'm sorry, I thought their life was better off with me better off without me without all my mistakes without all my lives without all my insecurities without all my indecisiveness, without all of my lack of ability to connect with who I was. I thought their lives were better off without me. And there's some fathers out there that feel like that they genuinely feel like that. And fathers, you're attempting, I'm gonna get myself together first. I'm gonna get myself together first. Can I be honest with you? There's some healing and even deliverance that your need as a father. That's only gonna come through you connecting with your son or your daughter or your Children. That's the missing piece to the puzzle. That's why it won't break. That's why you keep going through the same cycle. That's why it seems like it never ends. Because the thing that you are attempting to avoid is the thing that's gonna bring restoration and healing in your life.

So are you willing to do what needs to be done in order for you to experience what it is that you say that you desire to experience your Children need you Children, your father needs you. It's gonna be a long road. It's gonna be a process. I'm not saying you're listening to this podcast, you'll pick the phone up, you'll call each other and then it just everything just goes away at that happens. Somebody's lying, You guys aren't dealing with those tough questions, those tough situations with the reality of the uh the reality of the pains and the hurts and the fears and the anger and the rejection that has been built up and bubbled up for years is turning into rage for years. Because you felt as if you weren't worthy enough as a child father, you felt not worthy enough to even be in your child's life. And then sometimes you don't like looking at your child because that child reminds you of the Brokenness that's deep within you.

But we're not even gonna go there on tonight or today. Yeah, tonight because that's unbroken. This inside of you that you're connecting with your child is going to cause you to have to face that you just don't want to face. But can I be real with you? Got to face it, It sucks, it sucks you experience trauma, You never got the help that you need. If for the life of me, I'm telling you right now. Here's what I'm gonna say to each and every one of you. If you know you need therapy, man up and go get therapy. If you know you need it, Be real about it. Don't you know, I got this cliff. I'm gonna handle this thing on my own. You've been trying to handle it on your own on your own for 40 years, 50 years, 60 years, 30 years, 20 years. You've been trying to handle it on your own and it's just not working, understand everything that you need is inside of you. It's inside of you, God created us uniquely like that.

However, you need to connect with people that have the ability to unlock the doors to where those solutions have been hiding and have been lodged inside of you. You need somebody that can creatively dig past all of that stuff that you're dealing with, All of that guilt, all of that condemnation, all of that self hatred, all of that stuff. You need somebody to dig their daddy. Father sons, daughters, we need people that can invade that space and professional help helps. And I'm not saying that is the end all for everything, but it needs to be a part of the process. We need to be processing these things individually then as a group. Now that's to the absent father that's physically absent, but it needs to be applied to those that are spiritually absent, emotionally absent cause emotional absence is huge too because one of the things about fathers that may be physically located in the house, but emotionally they're not there.

They feel as if, well I'm here, I'm here. So, but you don't understand the emotional rejection and the side effects that they can cause on that child. So let this be a year where we begin to repair the bridges. I um oh I started working in the school system at the age of 19 and I was privileged to work at a school called Richard Island in Georgetown Delaware. Alright. I started at the age of 19 and Richard Island was a school for those who have been identified with behavior issues and academically, you know, they were on a lower level than a lot of people academically. However, I discovered just how intelligent these people. I remember the first year I was there, they were telling me I took a group, I was teaching them math and I was like, I want to teach them algebra and some people that was like you're not gonna be able to teach them algebra, how are you gonna teach them algebra?

Just stick with the basics man, I took that group, oh you know if I should say this on the air, but I related it, I'm gonna put it like this, I related algebra to something they were accustomed to on a day to day basis and they begin to grasp it. Those who were at low level, reading, low reading levels, low reading levels, I mean like they're in high school and they're reading on a second grade level, they begin to come to me and wanted to learn how to read. They were no longer embarrassed by it. It was just amazing experience. But anyway, I was telling that story to tell because I got distracted. But I was telling the story here. I had two young men, these were the first young men to ever call me dad, okay, And they were only like two years, a part of me, like I said I was 19 years old when I started working, there. but I built a bomb with these two young men and um there was one of them and I actually got to see him graduate, called his name for his graduation.

That was big for me because he had dropped out of school, went back as an adult, I was working at teaching at that school when he came, it was just uh it was hard for me to keep myself together on that stage. But anyway, when I started mentoring him and he started calling me dad and I was calling him son and everything and we developed that bond. I started talking to him about the importance of him connecting or reconnecting with his father, here's the crazy thing I'm seeing him try and tell him he needs to reconnect with his father yet I'm not willing to connect with bond. However, my apostle uh and I will be talking about him a little later Apostle flowers, you know, he was there and he stepped in and I just want to honor, I'm gonna do you now I'm gonna do your honor now Apostle flowers. Hopefully you do hear this. Um but I just thank God for you for everything that you were in my life from the time that I was able to be, you know, with you in ministry, what you did for me goes far beyond church culture.

Um you help me understand, I remember one time you told me cliff, you just got to make a decision, You got to be willing to make a decision because I always stood in a place of indecision. I was very indecisive about everything, I was afraid of making the wrong decisions and that's something you instilled in me is the ability to stand up and make a decision and I thank God for that. But Apostle Flowers really was instrumental in forming the man that I am today. Now while I was there, I was hardheaded, I was rebellious, I was passive aggressive, you know, I was all of those things, but I was taking it in, I was taking it in and one of the things he was telling me was cliff, you gotta reconnect with your father, you have to connect with your father, you have to connect, he was drilling that inside of me and I'm telling this story about my student for a reason, so he didn't want to hear anything.

He was like, you're my dad, I don't need to connect with him. Anyway, they started to reconnect as I start to reconnect his dad dies after his dad dies, he takes it hard. I remember talking to one of his family members, they were like, well I don't know why he's so mad because you know, it ain't like his dad was in his life all them years. I said, yeah, but you gotta understand there was always a hope, even though he was voicing something, there was something deep inside of him that was hoping that one day will share that connection and now he feels as if that's impossible. I'm not trying to scare you into anything at all. I'm just trying to get you to understand that we waste a lot of times sometimes standing on our end of the fence attempting to prove a point instead of walking in the middle together and trying to reason together and build what needs to be built. We are our greatest when we are united.

We are greatest when we are united. So fathers, my goal is to reunite you with sons. Reunite you with daughters. But I don't want to do that. If you're not gonna be that positive influence in their lives and be willing to commit to working on you. If you're out there and your father and you know, you need to work on on you and you need help with that. You can always reach out to me 30-6485544. If I cannot help you, then I would refer you to somebody that can help call that number or tax help to that number. If you call, please leave a detailed message and someone from our office will reach you reach out to you with an expedited manner in a respectful manner. And if you text usually it's a quicker response. So again, text help to 30 to 6485544 or call that number or you can always email me at info at Clifton's Pettijohn dot com.

Okay, that's what I want to talk. That's number one, number two to the fathers that are there. Thank you for being those superheroes and those other ones that step in, Thank you for being the superheroes to the kids. Thank you for the time that you give them. Thank you Even for the financial resources that you give them and those of you that value money over time. Man, you don't know what that time does for that kid. Money is important. It is valuable. However, make sure you're taking that time but we love you on today. Each and every one of you and now I'm going to honor some of the men in my lives in my life that stood in that role. I was talking about a possible flowers. He probably had the most influence upon me as it relates to fatherhood. I watched him as a natural father. I watched him as a spiritual father and the care that he showed individually because he taught me about equality, but he also taught me about equity as well and we know equality is that we treat everybody equally.

Equity is that although we made not treat everybody equally, we're treating everybody the way they need to be treated so that everybody can grow and develop the way that they need to grow because what you need may not be what somebody else needs. So Apostle Flowers, I thank you, I love you and honor you. I appreciate you and I'm saying this to you and I'm saying it to all the other men as well. I apologize to each and every one of you that took time to invest in me and my behaviors, my actions and my choices did not show respect of your time, of your poor, of the information you gave me. It did not value, it did not show value of all of those things. I apologize for that and it is my lifelong goal that the life that I live shows each and every one of you that I'm appreciative to the seasons and the space that you played a role in my life.

So I salute you Apostle flowers. You are one of the greatest men that I know. I still talk about you today. One of the greatest compliments I ever got. I'll never forget. I think her name was Miss Kettle. She had worked with a possible flowers at a school that they worked out together and she was working with me at Richard Allen and one day she came into the classroom and I was doing an activity with the kids and I was standing on the desk, I think I was jumping on the desk. Um and every, they were just engaged in the activity. And if you move Richard Island back then you would know why uh a lot of people were surprised how engaged they were. Uh and she pulled me to the side after what she said, you know who you remind me of. And I said, who? Miss kettle? She said there's a gentleman, his name is Anthony flowers. I said miss carol, that is the highest honor you could ever give me a trunk. I said that's the highest honor you could give me.

I said that's my pastor. I said that is my pastor. I say he's my mentor. I look at him as a father. She said, you remind me of him working with these boys. That meant so much to me so much to me. I remember another incident to a uh I think I was doing the teaching, I think I was doing the teaching online and somebody wrote me and was like, um man, I know you're not there no more, but I can tell where you came from. He said your teaching style, you sound like them and it really blessed me. It really blessed me and I thank you and I thank you for everything that you taught me about ministry and about life is because excuse me because now there are people that are experiencing the ministry that's in me and experiencing life because of what you guys talked me so I thank you, I appreciate you and I love you.

Yeah, yeah. Mhm Anthony baker JR is the ceo of a nonprofit community organization called helping the homeless as an organization. They are committed to changing lives and making other smile in addition to providing hands on services for the homeless community all over philadelphia. They also have a big brothers mentoring program where participating youth are taught the value of giving back to their community to learn more about the organization, call 2154878589 or email them at H T H Philly at gmail dot com. Mhm. Now to my dad, dad, I just want you to know, I love you and I appreciate you um honor you for the man that you are, you have always been a hard worker and you have a major, a huge heart, a huge heart and sometimes it goes without saying and as I said, I have not always been one that has expressed my feelings honestly or has expressed my feelings at all.

But I want you to know that you are a great father, you are a great grandfather and you are a great man. I just want you to know that you are a great man and I appreciate you. I remember when my nephew was going through some of the things he was going through and you were working at the school, how you went above and beyond to check on him to make sure he was okay to talk to him. That's big. That's big. So and even my friends I went to high school with, that's all they talk about. Big cliff. Big cliff, Big cliff. So I, I thank God for you and I really want you to know, I appreciate you. I really appreciate you. And as I said, I'll repent, repent. Let I apologize, you know, for the times that I just haven't been there. I truly apologize. So I love you man to my brother juan pio. I'm so God. Oh man, I'm proud of you man.

You are a great father, not just the jaw, you did a great job with john you did a great job with john you're doing a great job with job, but I watch you with the other kids man. And I'm gonna tell you what I see and God, I just must just be an emotional podcast with me. All I see is mom y'all because and the crazy thing about it is, people used to tell me all the time, watching you work with kids is like watching Missus. That's what they used to call my mom watching this is, but one thing that I always knew and I don't know if you know this one, but I want you to know this. I don't have the heart for people that she had. I don't have a heart for people. I do have a heart for people and people know I have a heart for them but to the degree and the magnitude that she had and that you have. I don't have that that's rare, That's unique and that's awesome.

And that's what makes you great as a man that you can have compassion for the lowest of lows. And when I say Lord so lows, I'm not calling anybody low. But I'm talking about when people are the low state where other people would kick them while they're down. You're willing to go pick them up. Even if that means that they're gonna buck back at you and you become their enemy because you're trying to show them that they can do better. Mhm. You're still right there. Keep that heart, man, keep that heart and I salute you and honor you on Father's Day, my uncle Greg y'all, My uncle Greg yo he was he was a male figure that we had around. He taught me how to drive a stick shift. Um What else? He teach me? Uh He used to cut my hair and like if I was mean or smart to him, I'd have to go to school with a messed up haircut because he would cut it uh the wrong way just so I would look stupid trying to teach me a lesson.

But he was the for he was their baseball, he helped me uh better my skills because he was, he was nasty on the field. So you know, I honored him all today. I want you to know I love him and I appreciate him for being himself. Mr Reed brice reed. He was my elementary computer teacher shoutout Organ Trail. He used to let us play organ trail. Um those that were, you know, my age, you know what Organ Trail was and it was, you only got to play on certain days and for a little bit of time. So it was a big thing to be able to play. But as I um progressed and got to high school, he was also my baseball coach but he was more than that. He was a mentor to me. He was a father figure to me. I remember I quit the team, I quit, I walked away and he came to the house to get me and refused to let me quit and I appreciate that because man that meant so much to me.

So I, I thank him and when he needed to be tough on me, he was tough on me. Trust he was tough on me. Even when my family went through. Yeah, listen guys, we were homeless, we were homeless and I remember our first day being homeless and we needed to move some stuff. We didn't know how we were gonna move and I called him, he came and moved us that day. I appreciate him for that. I don't take that lightly. Even I want to shout out terry Mcghee too because I remember when my grandmother died and he came and coolers full of food and put up basketball courts in the trailer park and on top of that I remember him paying for our membership for the indoor batting cages and we were blessed. I really thank God for the men that stepped in in my life and took on roles that other than others. That to Bishop Marvin Morris, I thank you. I remember when y'all started the mentoring program at the church, you became me and my brothers mentor you were there for us uh beyond church, you know, so I appreciate you.

I salute you. You are another one of the greatest men that I've ever met in my life. I love your genuineness, I love your love for people, your passion for ministry. Love you sir, appreciate everything that you did. Mr Ivan neal the reason that I wanted to become a teacher. The reason that I work with young people, you are the reason sir. I mean of course, you know God is the ultimate reason. He had a plan. But it's your example. I remember being uh well first of all you taught me how to write my name before I went to elementary school. So you started even before I went to kindergarten. So I appreciate you for that. But even after that I thank God for you because in elementary school you taught me sacrifice. That's why I was willing to sacrifice so much for the young people that was working with because you worked at Frankfurt elementary, you would leave Frankfurt elementary, come to Georgetown elementary to do the after school program in your community.

You and mrs Oliver, y'all taught us about our black history, taught us about you know, making sure that we were careful how we carried ourselves and and you you all set great examples for us so I just want to salute you and thank you Mr Neil for everything that you've done in my life man. I still brag about you, I talk about you, still my favorite commercial too. My hero Mr Neil that came out about the same time as a like mike commercial came out because he was a teacher of the year and then he was nominated for national teacher of the year. So they had this great big commercial campaign but it was around the my hero monologue. So yeah, I remember that Dr Dee. Doctor Dee was my principal at the school in New Jersey that I worked at the behavior department. He was a principal there. He taught me a lot about business. He taught me a lot about finances. He taught me a lot about uh the inner workings within the school system as well.

I appreciate you doctor the everything that you did. I appreciate. He actually I'm gonna tell you this too. He restored a lot of confidence in me from the administrative side of things. He really pushed me as an administrator man. That's a great man. I'm gonna tell you if you don't know him. He's a great man to get to know. Let's see who else I have on my list. Coach Bennie will bag show coach Bennie Wilbanks, those who may not know. Benny Wilbanks was a major league Baseball player at one time he heard himself but he became my a it was, I don't call the au team. It basically was a au team though because it was a bunch of us from Sussex County, we got together, we formed this team and we used to go play Division three colleges. Um okay. The reason why I appreciate him, he taught me if you're not 15 minutes early, 15 minutes or more early, you're late. And he lived by that principle and if we got to practice and we were 10 minutes early, we were late.

So we had to run, we had to do pushups. I remember in the middle of games we would do something wrong or do something not right and he stopped the game. He's hold the whole game up. Alright, everybody down, give me 25 push ups. Like his whole method was crazy. I remember one time we went to this college and they were killing us show there was every picture we put it including myself. They were just hitting us all over the place. Y'all keep in mind we were in high school, but they were killing us this game and he said, somebody's gotta pitch, I don't know what we're gonna do. Then he said, you know what, forget it, he got his glove and he got out there on the mountain, he pitched and that day I looked at that matter, I said, you know what this dude is crazy, but in a good way, like he was so passionate about the game of baseball and passionate about enjoying what you do in life. So I appreciate you. Um Coach Bennie Wilbanks to dr ira Duane roach when it comes to business.

I always tell people this, this man pushed me in relationship to business. If it was not for him, there would be no Clifton's, Pettijohn enterprises LLC right now and I mean maybe it would, but y'all get what I'm saying if he didn't believe in the business and push it. Do it, do it, do it, do it, trust me, even in the school to do the teachings in the chapels, all that stuff and teaching Savage School at his ministry and just uh man, I just appreciate everything that he did. I really, really, honestly do appreciate him, Dr Doron Daniels, I appreciate you for everything that you did as well, man, You're a great leader. Do you hear me? You are a great leader and I appreciate everything that you invested in me and then entrusting me to teach your people. I don't take that lightly. That's not something that I take very lightly. So I appreciate you in in the time in space that I was able to be a part of the ministry with you as well.

So now I told a little bit about one of my kids chris I'm gonna talk a little bit about andre um they called nor would, he was probably man, he was my first headache but your gifted and talented yo man, so proud of him, so proud of him for every gift town and ability that's in his life. Now let me hit my two major boys man and I called it my major boys because one of them really was with me and my lowest of lows. And one of the things that he said to me, I'm gonna talk about him first, DeAndre Santiago, he said this thing hit me so hard though when he said it, I remember one day it was we were going through tough times and I was like, man, I'm sorry, I can't do this stuff I used to do, I can't get you the stuff I used to could get you. I'm really sorry man. And he told me, he said, doesn't matter what you can do and what you can't do. He said that doesn't change the value of who you are in my life, man.

You wanna talk about AGI losing every man, I lost it, I lost it because I was like dang. He got that lesson at such a young age. But listen, he's a father now. I'm proud of the man that he is. I even was talking to him and tell him how proud I was, because I saw him helping organize protests and just being out there protesting uh for the rights of people that is just big for me. When I look at DeAndre, he always was a natural born leader, he was a part of my junior staff. Y'all, I had a junior staff that could run a club better than any staff. Do you hear me? They could put in some work. Um but DeAndre was with me through a lot of stuff. He was right there. It was my right hand man. I just want you to know dre I told you this, but I want to put this on public record as well. I'm proud of the man that you are, and I'm proud of the man that you're becoming. I want you to understand you are great, you are great, there is greatness lodged inside of you.

Nobody can stop that greatness from shining. No one can stop that greatness from evolving except for you. My encouragement to you into every young person I've ever encountered is that you always get out of your own way and, allow purpose to control purpose to take control. And ultimately that means allowing God to uh to take control. You are awesome and you're amazing and I know you're a great father, I love you man, you are my heart jean bain man. He's called himself Mr Cliff Jr I think he's a little too old to call himself Mr Cliff Jr I don't think he called himself that no more. But um I remember when he first came to the club and I talked to him about this today, I remember the first came to the club and he had a little brother, kim he's a man down to man, somebody getting old. I guess it's me. They all grew up.

The last, yeah, this year's graduating class was the last class of my boys and Girls club. The last class graduated and I said man, and they were four when they came to me and to four year olds, I can say that now. I had 24 year olds in my program and they graduated this year. Um But anyway, yeah, remember jean came and when he came, uh he was so worried about taking care of his brother and make sure his brother snack was open and the milks were open and he had everything laid out for his brother that he didn't really get a chance to have fun in the club and I had time jean, we got him we're gonna take care of him, You just go ahead and play and that talks about the heart that he has, man. He has a big heart. I'm gonna tell you something. I don't care what you go through in life. And this is to everybody. Don't lose or don't yeah, don't lose contact with the thing that makes you unique.

That makes you special. That makes you awesome. That makes you amazing. He has an amazing heart. Whatever you go through, Gene don't lose contact with your heart. Don't let life cause you to lose contact with your heart. That compassion that you have, that love, that you have that care that you have. Find ways to transmit that throughout life. Man. Find ways to transmit it throughout life. I told you today, I know you're a great father. I know you are. I know you're not perfect. None of us are perfect. But I know you're a great father and my prayer for you is that you will continue to stand and be the great father and the great man that you are. There's greatness inside of you that wants to come out, not just come out and play every now and then. It wants to live every day, allow that thing to come out of you, allow that light that shine radiant Yo you our beacon of light.

Let that shine man. Let that shine. They're my boys man, dre and Gene, that's my boys right there. I had some other ones that are very special to me But them two right there. Excuse me, They are my boys. Them happy, Hanukkah cam these my boys. But yeah, they're my boys man. So I want you both to know, I love you, I respect you as men. I respect you as men and I'm excited to see you know what life has for you guys, you know, as you continue to live. So this is probably the longest podcast I had, I said for fathers man, I just want to honor father. Sometimes fathers overlook Mother's Day is always like this great big extravaganza and then we have Father's Day and it's like, here you go. I want to change that in our culture. But sometimes that change is going to have to come through as we talked about in the beginning. You know, fathers and I believe you fathers are stepping up now.

I believe you're listening and you're, you're ready. You're like, yo I got to take action. I got to take action. You know how I know that that's my responsibility to this world. I am a conversationalist, but I'm not a conversationalist that makes you sit around and just think I want you to sit around and think about some of the things that I said, I want you to replay and listen to it again. But I also have the ability to provoke you to action. That's the whole point of this thing. I don't want to get on here and just say all this stuff and there's no action. I want there to be a movement. Like I said, you need help. You need support. Don't you become so prideful that you're not able to ask for help and support. That's what we're supposed to be here. That's the whole objective of community, allow us to be your community. Alright, So I'm great to go Happy Father's Day, celebrate your father is more than just on Father's Day. If you are hurting and you are broken, You can reach out to me as well.

30-6485544 text help or you know, leave a voicemail or you can email me at info at Clinton Pettijohn dot com. Your identity will remain anonymous. Your conversation with me is between you and me. If you're talking to me and identify that you need therapy, I am a certified life purpose coach, I'm not a therapist. Okay, I'm a teacher by nature, I'm not a therapist, I will do the part that I can do play the role that I can plan. My spiritual leader as well. I will pray with you. I have the ability to prophesy to you to speak into your life. However, if therapy is needed, I'm gonna suggest it to you because we need to make sure we're getting all avenues and exploring all possibilities because we want to be whole in all core areas of our lives, Okay, I love each and every one of you.

I appreciate your support and now I'm fitting to go because I'm ready to go to bed. So I want you to create a great day. What would purpose and by all means execute your vision peace. Yeah. Many people define stagnation as not producing or being at a standstill. I get it. However, I would like to add a little weight to the definition and say that I may be producing. I may be moving However, my production and my movements are disrespectful to the purpose that's inside of me to the greatness that's inside of me. If that's going on that stagnation as well and that's okay. Guess why? Because I have developed a tool, I wrote a book called from stagnation and transformation. And that book was written specifically for individuals that feel stuck that feel lost, that feel like they're just wandering in the wilderness.

They feel like they just need something, it's just missing. It's okay. I want you to hit over to www dot clinton petty john dot com forward slash transformation there. You're gonna find a complimentary portion of the book. That's right. A complimentary portion of the book. I want you to read that portion After that. It's gonna ignite such a fire inside of you that you're gonna want to purchase, the your personal copy of from stagnation of transformation. So I want you to do that as well. Why? Because I believe that it will give you a 21 day jump start to fulfilling or re identifying purpose and whatever core area you find yourself stagnant in. So again, visit www. Dot clinton. Pettijohn dot com forward slash transformation. Yeah. Yeah.

S2 E13: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY | I THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER WITHOUT ME (PART 2)
S2 E13: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY | I THOUGHT THEY WERE BETTER WITHOUT ME (PART 2)
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