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S1 E6: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part III. (SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO)

by Clifton Pettyjohn
December 5th 2019
00:19:02
Description

In this episode purpose strategist, author, transformation coach, radio host and spiritual leader Clifton Pettyjohn discusses his former marriage and divorce for the last time, from the angle of kn... More

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What's up everybody? My name is cliff and you are listening to the What now podcast. That's right. The what now podcast where we threw conversation discuss ways that we can effectively address life's most difficult moments. So sit back, relax and enjoy tonight's episode. I was not capable of giving her the love that she deserved because of the fact that I wanted him. This might be very complex. It might confuse you. You want to talk to me about it. We can talk but you know, it was a very trying time I think for the both of us and I can say um you know, and I've talked to her about this. I did not handle the divorce part in a way, it's the best way that I could, that's the best way I can say it because my mindset was and I wasn't ready to admit it at that time.

Um, I'm ready to admit it now and I have admitted it to her the last time we talked this for a while, but I wanted her to feel the pain. And I just said this while ago that I have felt and I know y'all I'm gonna tell you this. The analogy hurt people, hurt people. Very true. But the reality is I want to those of us that are hurting or have experienced her just to sit back for a minute and really think about this thing. Think about how you felt, think about those nights, you cried yourself to sleep, think about those times you didn't want to eat them. That really struck me because I'm gonna eat regardless, that's my problem now. But think about all the things that the depressive state that that you went through, however, that depression manifested in your life. The the thought of not being enough. The thoughts of having to start all over the thoughts of I am a failure. See one of the things that I did was I think I talked about this on the other podcast to identified myself as a failure not identifying the situation as a failure or we failed in the situation.

Um, so there's a lot of things I had to process and I had to deal with and it was piled up and it was piled up and piled up and the reality was I had to take a step back from everything. I took a step back from ministry. I took a step back from people. I took a step back from every single thing to really begin to deal with myself. I um ended up going back to that. I go to, I went to therapy for the first element. I went and saw a therapist for the first time and I'll tell people all the time. My therapist is my best friend, not because he wants to be, but he has to be based upon state law. He cannot tell any of my business. Um, sometimes I wish he would so that I could sue him. There'd be a nice financial gain little cushion and to be able to do some work and some greater work. But um, therapy was was a big outlet for me. It caused me to face myself, uh the years that I had ran from myself, and one day I do a podcast about my childhood and all that stuff as well.

Um but it also helped me to heal, it helped me to forgive myself and to forgive others as well. And it will also help me to move on, you know, beyond the whole marriage. And it taught me how to really begin to let go. Now, I explained the other day, it wasn't until my situation ship that I realized just how much I did not know how to let go. Um or how much I had let go from my past, but when it came to my divorce, I understood um, that and I'm saying I'm again, does that get on your nerves? When I say, um, it gets on my nerves when I do that. I don't know why I do that. I guess it's a space filler, something I got to work home, but I was gonna say it again. But it just, it taught me, uh, my marriage taught me so much, it taught me so much. I feel like we were great partners when it came to ministry, when it came to some business, The business aspect of things.

I, you know, I think we were great at those things, but I think that at the same time we, I always knew in the back of our mind that there was that wrestle there with, if I'm going to be with you, I can't be completely who I am. And I'm gonna tell anybody that's out there and I'm not an advocate for divorce. But even if you're dating somebody right now, you're getting to know somebody and you are not presenting the authentic you who you really are, you are modifying your behavior to satisfy them. You're modifying your behavior to make them happy. You're modifying your behavior because you feel like that's what they want or they told you what you want. So now you are trying to uh transform into who they desire you to be and I'm all for personal growth and development. If it's a part of your personal growth and development awesome. But if it takes you away from the core of who you are or the essence and you know when we talk about essence, we're talking about the essential value of you, that which is down in the root of you.

And it also talks about the fragrance. If it starts to change your fragrance and I'm not talking about your body odor, I'm talking about the energy or your vibe or whatever you wanna call it. Uh that starts to change and you feel as if you're in a cage and I'm not saying that this is always the case. But I've talked to people who felt as if like they're in a cage and when they're not around that person, they feel free. Well, I'm gonna tell you, you have to free yourself. You need to have the conversation with the individual, you need to communicate because that individual maybe just putting up with who you're presenting to them because they've honestly seen who you really are, but they're waiting for you to be comfortable enough to be who you are because they have the ability of the capacity to love you and you have to be willing to still be who you are, even if they don't have the capacity to love who you are, why, because there there is somebody out there that will love you to that capacity.

But more importantly, you have to first love yourself to that capacity because the love of other people to us sometimes as a product of our self love and I could do a whole series of podcasts on podcasts, all self love. So my encouragement to you is find out who you are. Don't run from you, who you are, don't modify who you are, love yourself enough to be who you are completely. Even if it means that what it is that you think that you want because you're operating out of your emotions and I think that you desire has to walk away from you. Thank you all for listening. Be blessed block talk radio. What's up everybody monday is putting petty john for the sake of this podcast.

You can just call me cliff. You are listening to the What now podcast. What now podcast where we discuss effective ways of dealing with life's most most difficult moments. I'm a little upset right now. I'm in a difficult moment dealing with my Dallas cowboys. We just lost again. I don't want to talk about that because We would need more than 15 minutes to talk about that. I want to apologize for those who were looking for the release of this show at midnight last night. Um, I decided just to wait until tonight to gather everything that I wanted to get out and to make sure that I gave you guys, you know my all and to be honest with you, I just wasn't in the mood last night to record. So that's the freedom of this. When I don't feel like doing it. I'm not going to do it. I want to make sure that my heart is involved in it. When I give you guys this content. Okay, just a reminder.

This is roll. It's uncut. If I say anything that offends you, please reach out to me because I do not in any way, shape or form intend to offend hurt or harm anyone intentionally. So if you listened and something has been said and it was offensive to you allow me to elaborate on it and you can reach out to me at cp ventilate. That's V E N T I L A T E S at Clifton's Pettijohn dot com. Alright, let's get going because after all, we only have 15 minutes. All right. So tonight, what we're gonna talk about is, and I'm gonna conclude this and I know I've been seeing you guys have been watching and I appreciate you guys watching, but I don't know some of you watch because you thought it was gonna be like this juicy type of conversation about my marriage and my divorce. Not at all. I'm not that person. I'm a very private person ministry and what I've been called and created to do causes me to talk about the things that I've been uh I've experienced in my life, but when it involves, when it involves other people, I'm very sensitive about that.

I will never bash anyone. I'm only on here to talk about my personal journey. So tonight I'm going to talk from the subject of sometimes you just have to let go and letting go is not easy. We all handle letting go in different ways. Um, the way that I handle it may not be the way that you handle it and it may appear that I'm a handle it better than you handle it because you might be a person that externally expresses, you know how they're handling specific are specific circumstances or situations with me. I internalize everything. If you get me too, uh, external or something. That's a very rare moment. So we all deal with it differently. But one of the things that I learned from my marriage is that sometimes we can be so used to what now has become the norm that we want to hold on to it and hold on to it regardless of it costing us who we are and costing them who they are.

One of the things about me and this is why I say I'm a better friend than I am my husband. I want to push and motivate and encourage everybody. And this was even in my marriage to reach a maximum potential to be the best you that you can be, be all that you can be. Remember that used to be the army's logo, but I want you to be all that you can be. Even if that means I'm not in the picture, even if that hurts me, it uh frustrates me. It makes me feel alone and makes me want to cry. It makes me want to have a tantrum. If it means that you are going to live your life to the fullest, then I am willing to let you go in order to live your life to the fullest. Why? Because neither one of us are living our life to the fullest if we now are holding each other hostage. And one of the things that I used to joke about with with my ex husband and some of you may know the r I think, you know the whole situation, but you may know what is expressed externally or what you're able to see.

Um, but I always said that I wanted him to be a gay man and he wanted me to be a and and she wanted me to be a straight man. For those who may not know the young man that I married, he ended up, you know, discovering that he was transgender. So he transitioned to, she um, my mind says I loved him. I always joked with her and I said that she killed my husband. Like she got away with murder. So in the beginning I did not like her. Um, my mindset was and I've had this conversation with her, I wanted her to feel the pain that she gave me when she took my husband from me. You feel me. Some of you might say that doesn't even make sense. You have to understand how I process this whole thing. But the one thing that I told her or what at the time it was him was that you can't live your life for anybody else.

I want to say this. Each and everybody out there, each and every one of you out there, it doesn't matter who doesn't understand. It doesn't matter. And I don't want to get into my next podcast. Doesn't matter who doesn't understand. It doesn't matter who doesn't agree as long as you make peace within yourself in peace with God about it. Some of you might say, well I don't subscribe to the same god that you subscribe to listen. I want you to give him a try. But I respect who you subscribe to. So if you are at peace and with whoever you subscribe to, that's all that honestly matters. And if you really want to make a big step in life many times it is going to cost you what has been your your comfort zone or I don't want to use the term comfort zone because I think we use that a lot. What has been your norm. You know the people that have been in your life, your support system. You know when you make major life decisions a lot of times, a lot of those things change. But you know, we, we talked um and my main thing is like I said, I just wanted her to be free and who she was and I wanted her to experience the love that she deserved.

I understood, can you identify any areas in your life where stagnation is manifesting now? I know some of you might say no, I can't. I want us to look at stagnation for what it really is. Some people have identified stagnation as something that's not growing or that's not producing. I don't believe that stagnation to me, stagnation can also be that Yes, we're growing. Yes, we're producing however were growing and producing in a manner that's disrespectful to the purpose and the greatness that resides inside of us. And listen, we all have areas well, we can identify that we could be doing a lot better in there's greater potential in those areas than we are experiencing. And guess what I have a tool that will help you begin to experience transformation in those areas of stagnation in your life.

And that tool is called from stagnation of transformation. That's right. That is my book from stagnation of transformation. So I want you to hit over to my website www dot Clifton petty john dot com. I want you to hit there. I want you to hit the transformation tab there, you're gonna find a free preview of my book. That's right. A free preview of my book. And I promise you after you read the preview, you're gonna want to invest in your personal transformation through purchasing the book. So again, hit over there, purchase the book, let me know you purchased it. Here's what I always say guys. If you purchased the book, you read the book, you apply the principles in your life and yet you still are stagnant in the areas that you are applying them to and you're not experiencing any transformation and you can prove to me that you have applied these principles. I will give you a 100% refund. That's right. A 100% refund. Why? Because I believe in the application of the principles that are outlined in this book.

So again, visit www. Dot clinton Pettijohn dot com and purchase your copy of from stagnation to transformation.

S1 E6: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part III. (SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO)
S1 E6: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part III. (SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET GO)
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