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S1 E2: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part I. (COMING OUT) "Wait You're WHAT???"

by Clifton Pettyjohn
December 1st 2019
00:19:15
Description

In this episode purpose strategist, author, transformation coach, radio host and spiritual leader Clifton Pettyjohn begins a conversation about the events leading up to his marriage. He shares one ... More

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What's up everybody? I'm laughing because I was talking to the blog, talk radio intro. But what's up Everybody welcome back to the What now podcast. My name is Clinton petty, john for the purposes of this podcast, you can call me cliff. All right. You already know those who have listened to episode one. This podcast was not playing at all. I'm not a very spontaneous person. So for me to do something spontaneous, it shows that I'm continuing to live life outside of my comfort zone. Why? Because I believe that purposes only found or we only find purpose within ourselves when we step outside of that zone that has become our comfort zone. And even once we step out of their sometimes after the comfort zone is a fear zone. So then you have to step past that fear zone. But we're not talking about that on tonight? All right. We are not talking about that at all on tonight.

I want to thank you for those who listen to the first episode. Into those of you that are listening. Now. I hope that you will continue to listen as I continue to great, create purposeful content. Okay, so here we go. Some of you are watching because our listening because you saw the title. All right. So, I want to do my disclaimer now. I don't have a long time. So, I'm gonna rush through my disclaimer. This is not uh these episodes talking about my marriage and my divorce will not be a bashing um session at all the man that I married was one of the greatest men that I know to this day. You know, I still you know, have love for him. And I'm going to explain all of that, you know, throughout the conversation. But this is not a bashing um in any way, shape or form. This is me getting my story out.

Sometimes we can't move past certain things because we haven't been able to get it out and now I'm out of space in my life where I can finally get it all out. I can get everything out why? Because I'm past the bitterness. I'm past the anger and passed the resentment. I'm past all of those things. And I'm not saying that they all of those things were directed towards him. Many of those things were directed towards myself. Um, anybody that's been through a divorce, you understand? And even been married, you understand, and you may not have, you know, what do your divorce yet? But you're contemplating divorce. You understand that there were things that a divorce will do to you. Now, I'm talking to those that are going through a divorce. I'm sorry that there have been through a divorce, divorce can sometimes rip you apart. Um because divorce to me and I've heard somebody else say this, it's kind of equivalent to death because now what you built with that person is now dying and the part of you that was connected to them.

And if you had put your all in it, it's being ripped apart now with many times it can be slowly ripped apart or you can face a reality all at once and feel that thing ripped apart, you know, all at one time, you know, and I don't know what everybody else's processes. But I dealt with my dealing with divorce was not good at all. Um I worked hard publicly to show that I dealt with it well, and even the person that I was married to thought that I was handling the divorce and the manner like I just didn't care, but I think the reality was, and I've expressed that to him before as well, I just, and I guess I went through all of the things that embody a divorce before we actually got divorced. Like I actually saw it coming. So I started preparing for. Um, but I think before we can go into the marriage and go into the divorce, I kind of have to talk about my coming out story.

Um, and the reason why is because that's a major part, you know, transitioning into this now, here's what I'm gonna say. I'm not going to give you my whole coming out story. Why? Because these episodes are only 15 minutes long and 15 minutes go by fast. Um, I'm just gonna give you, you know, a synopsis of it. All right. Um, as far as, how long did I know I was gay honestly, since I was a kid, um, I knew that I had affection towards, you know, the mail gender. Um, I always knew it, however, because it was such a stigma and such a the leopard ists, um, situation in my culture and in my environment I had no one to talk to about. So I suppress those feelings. I dated females and none of those relationships could be successful because my heart and my being were never really fully in those things.

Um, I did it because I felt like that's what I had to do. And I did it because I was told us what I was supposed to do. I'm not saying I wasn't attracted to those young ladies, they were beautiful. Um, however, I understood that that's not what I desire. That's not, you know, where my affection is, tours, but also I grew up in ministry. So I understood, you know, if I'm gay, I'm going to hell and I didn't want to go to him. So you know, I've been one that's afraid, uh, forgot to take this away from me. I've, I've gotten prayer fasted, made this confession and that confession. I've been, um, people, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna say this the right way. Okay. There were people who, I believe they thought they were doing best for me. Um, we're trying to force me to date females. I think they felt as if if I date females, I would get that out of my system.

I mean, even to the point where I was told that some of the responsibilities that I had will be taking from me if I had in David a female. Um, so I went through a lot of different things with, with, with the situation being administered. I do want to say something because I'm taking this time to clear up some things too. There were people that were very surprised when I came out. Um, however, there are people that didn't know that I had affection towards, you know, the same sex. Um, When I was 19 years old, I joined a certain ministry and I did not want to do any work in that. Yeah. What's up everybody? My name is. Cliff and you are listening to the What now podcast. That's right. The what now podcast where we threw conversation discuss ways that we can effectively address life's most difficult moments.

So sit back, relax and enjoy tonight's episode ministry before I did any work in that ministry. I explained to them what I was wrestling with at the time are quote unquote struggling with. Um, at the time I explained it to them, you know, in full details. We've had, we had conversations about it over the years. You know, it was, it was something that was, you know, told I could talk to them. However, you know, not to tell anybody else. You know, that's, that's how it was kind of um, that's not how a condom was handled, that's how it was handled. Um, however, you know, the whole time, You know, throughout my 20's I was attempting to find myself, um, in a very passive way, to be honest with you. It just, it plagued me hard man. It really plagued me hard and I want to clear up another thing I was not in the closet in the sense of I dated men while professing to be straight.

I never did that. Um, the only man that I dated before I came out was the man that I married, he was the first man that I ever dated or did anything with. So I just want to clear that up because I've heard a lot of stuff about me and I'm gonna say this. Sometimes you hear stories about you and you have to laugh and here's my response to a lot of the stories I hear about myself. And I'm gonna tell you, I'm at a place in life. Well, I'm gonna tell the truth for myself, even when it hurts. I haven't always been there to be honest. I have not always been there. I'll tell you I was passive. I was a punk. I ran from confrontation. All of those things coming out, helped me mature and become a man. It's funny to me because a lot of people look at it when you come out as you are less of a man, but me coming out made me the man that I am today. You feel me not perfect. Still got a lot of work to do, but I'm proud of who I am and who I'm becoming okay now.

Yeah, I was saying all that to say, you know, I hear some stuff that I've done and I've told people this before. When people have asked me that some people in my life I'm an open book, come to me and asked me, there's no better person to ask anything about me than me. But you know, a lot of times a lot of people won't come to you because they honestly don't want the truth because sometimes the truth isn't as fun funny or glamorous as a lie is okay. So I just wish I was in some of the encounters that some of the peoples said that I had because they seemed so good. They seem so um exciting. Like I'm saying, thinking, man, I've missed out on this. Like that was a great story. I would have loved to have been up to actually have been a part up there. All right, So let's let's move on. Okay. So, you know, through my twenties, as I said, also in my twenties, um if you watch any of my videos or hear me speak, I always talk about, you know, the decision I made that resulted in a felony.

Um I tell anybody you want to know what it is, Come talk to me, I don't mind talking about it. I don't hide it. It is a part of who I am and it helped make me who I am today. I say that you know, um I felt bad about what I did. Um I wish I had not have done what I did. However, at the same time, I have to say that it kind of pushed me into purpose, you know, to be real about it. So, I was going through all of those things, I lost my mother who was my backbone, that was my best friend. That's the one I could go to about anything. Um you know, within my twenties and you know, I've done people wrong. I've been done wrong. You know, I made a lot of stupid decisions. I isolated myself, you know, from people that really cared about me. Um, and sometimes I embrace people That I shouldn't have embraced, you know, so that was all a part of the learning process. But here we go, skip forward to 30 or 31. I can't remember if it was 30 or 31.

So now here I met a guy at a crossroad in life. I end up meeting this young man and we start having conversation. Then we start, you know, just chilling and hanging out together and it starts to evolve into something. And like for the first time in my life, I'm like, yo you need to be happy. Like real talk, you need to be happy because you are not living your life. You're just existing. You are going through the emotions, you're like a zombie, you're doing the same thing on a daily basis. And so I ended up, you know, we ended up talking and you know, progressing through that now when we first started talking, um, I was not out, but I will say, I think it was like two months into it was when I finally made the decision to come out, that decision was very unpopular. As I said, I grew up around church culture. Um, and as I said, it was looked down the poem.

It's almost as if you have leprosy. Honestly, uh, it's gotten better over time, but I remember in the area that we lived in. It was not, you know, easy situation and maybe one day I'll go into full details about that. But I just wanted to delay that foundation. Um, you know, my life changed in an instant because I went from being quote unquote, loved and in Greece being this great person to nana waking up to me. I mean, y'all if I saved the text messages, I'm not exaggerating anything. Um, I got hateful, I mean hateful text messages from those who were naming the name of christ now, I did not expect people to embrace me. Um, but I did expect people to still love me. And that's another thing. That's a misconception. I don't need you to agree with who I am. I don't need you to accept who I am.

I just need you to realize that my life is bigger then there. And if you can realize my life is bigger than that, then we can exist together. That's the whole point with me Now. There may be some who want Youtube embrace who they are and accepted. I don't care about none of them. None of that. You know. Um, but that's the foundation of it and I'm running out of time. So I guess we're not going to get to the marriage and the divorce today, but I wanted to lay the foundation. Um, so you guys can kind of understand how we get to where we are now. A lot of people thought he brainwashed me. A lot of people said the enemy was using him. It's amazing what people will come up with when you finally find your own strength to stand in, what they were encouraging you to stand in and that is what you believe, be blessed. Yeah. Can you identify any areas in your life where stagnation is manifesting now? I know some of you might say no, I can't.

I want us to look at stagnation for what it really is. Some people have identified stagnation as something that's not growing or that's not producing. I don't believe that stagnation to me, stagnation can also be the yes, we're growing. Yes, we're producing however, were growing and producing in a manner that's disrespectful to the purpose and the greatness that resides inside of us. And listen, we all have areas where we can identify that we could be doing a lot veteran, there's greater potential in those areas than we are experiencing. And guess what I have a tool that will help you begin to experience transformation in those areas of stagnation in your life. And that tool is called from stagnation of transformation. That's right, that is my book from stagnation of transformation. So I want you to hit over to my website www dot clinton petty john dot com.

I want you to hit there. I want you to hit the transformation tab there. You're gonna find a free preview of my book. That's right. A free preview of my book And I promise you after you read the preview, you're gonna want to invest in your personal transformation through purchasing the book. So again, hit over there, purchase the book. Let me know you purchased it. Here's what I always say guys. If you purchased the book, you read the book, you apply the principles in your life and yet you still are stagnant in the areas that you are applying them to and you're not experiencing any transformation and you can prove to me that you have applied these principles. I will give you a 100% refund. That's right. A 100% refund. Why? Because I believe in the application of the principles that are outlined in this book. So, again, visit www. Dot clinton Pettijohn dot com and purchase your copy of from stagnation to transformation.

S1 E2: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part I. (COMING OUT) "Wait You're WHAT???"
S1 E2: MY MARRIAGE...MY DIVORCE...Part I. (COMING OUT) "Wait You're WHAT???"
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