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I can't wait to hear your podcast. Welcome to positive minds own podcast, this is your host, ken Kenneth or Kenny and we're back with another episode. Finally we back with another episode, I should say. Yeah, It's been a nice two months vacation for me and I've actually been going on vacation. I've just been sitting in the house, I've really been out exploring, discovering new things about myself. So every time I take birth I feel like it's needed in my back. My biggest issue is I don't tell y'all, when I go on a break. So I just leave people just and the not knowing and I feel like that's all part of just who I am in general. Like we all have things about us that we, I mean we all can relate to. I'm not the only person disappears like my favorite rapper Jaco, he dropped out in three years. As a matter of fact, I stopped calling him my favorite because he was going so it wasn't even that he was going so long.
He was just that I had outgrew like his old music, I was ready for something new. I mean he dropped the album. What had me contradicting myself and that's what brings to the topic of the discussion today is the contradiction. And let me just give you the definition of what a contradiction is and we all know what it is. But just for podcast say the contradiction is a situational ideas in opposition to one another. For instance, I always tell myself I'm not going to do something and I always end up doing it or sometimes I want to talk about some of my podcast and in the next instant I was like, no, I'm gonna talk about that because you know how long I have this, this episode? The contradiction. Like not even in my notes, but before I wrote it down in my notes, I'm like, man, I could talk about contradicting because one thing I can say about myself, I contradict myself almost every single day.
I tell myself I'm not going to do something and I end up doing it or the other way around. But for me, it's all about learning myself and learning who I am learning about. I don't even consider it a flaw. I find it interesting because for the longest time I was saying I wasn't gonna eat calamari and if anybody, they don't know what calamari is, that's octopus. So we'll fry doctors. I haven't tried the squishy, but for the long as I'm going to, I was going to eat it and then I was at the restaurant, we were staying at the paris hotel and just trying new things. I'm like, I'm not gonna try calling Mark. As soon as the waitress came, my mouth said, oh, I want to, I want to get caught Mark. So even though I just told myself, I'm not gonna try it soon as I sing the wages accident, what do we want to eat? That was the first thing that came to my, my mouth. So I'm like, well, even though I said, I didn't want, I really wanted to try it.
So a lot of times when I say I'm not going to do something or I don't want to do something. I really do wanna deep down inside because that's why I'm always contradicted myself because it happens often for me. Like, mhm it's not just me who who be contradicted myself, uh, the United States says United, We stand divided. We fall yet there are republicans and democrats and liberals and every other type of group, you can imagine. So that's one of the biggest contradiction. I always talk about school when they had a sand a pledge of allegiance every morning black. That's another story in another conversation. The fact is contradiction is not a bad thing. Contradiction has me stepping out of my comfort zone a lot because a lot of times I don't want to do something. I don't want to try something, but that just just me being lazy on me and I want to step out of my comfort zone.
Yeah, it pushes me because I always know now when I say I'm not gonna do someone like, yeah, I know I'm gonna end up doing it. That's how it was in my past life. When I was at my last life, I was robert johnson. I was a blues and I hated christians in this life. I had to become a christian so I can get that experience and not judge christians. And I even went that through that in this life when I left the church. I started doing what I was doing when I was in my past, like talking down on church, then I had to get that epiphany like, oh, you got to, you gonna keep repeating the same cycles if you don't learn your lessons. So, I mean, my thing is not to judge anybody no matter if they contradiction, no matter what they say, no matter what they do because we're all humans, we all make mistakes but we love to judge one another. We love to point to the finger at other people when they're contradicted.
But my whole thing is just look at yourself in the mirror and see where you contradict, see where you are Not really being 100 to yourself for being true to yourself and to say you're not being true to yourself when you're being contradicted. But let's just start pointing the finger at yourself, Start fixing your flaws, Start laughing at yourself when you mess up or when you do something stupid. I mean when you do that anyway, you're just not famous, you're just not put on a big stage, your life is not seen by the world. So let's get back to contradictory ourselves. One thing I always remember growing up, I used to hate rich people now I always felt like I don't know if he was rich people or white people growing up, I wasn't racist, I didn't grow up racist. I look what and it's not even when I was a kid, it was like when I was probably a teenager and I was just saying how White people had everything that had the nice cars and lived in a nice neighborhood and went to the nicest schools.
Like it was the school called Maryville High School. That was probably like 5, 10 minutes from 15 furthest away from where I live. And it was it was it was an all white school basically. And every time when you don't know how I would just want to go to that school because it was so big. Like they felt they had stadium. I mean I know it was a stadium but they football field and a baseball field, it looked legit compared to ours. But at the same time I envied them because growing up where I'm from, you didn't see that and you didn't have that. I was going to the same school that my mom went to and they never really fix anything. They never changed anything. Had problems reading the same books that my mom was reading when she was in high school and that was 20 year difference. But the point to say I am Richmond until I got older and I understand why they even had the money that I was like they had what I what I wanted and I didn't know I could have it because nobody around me had it even though I knew it was possible by just Washington and you just hear miracle or like just hear stories about it.
Just people coming from nothing the rags to riches stories. But I didn't see that for myself Until I got 28, 29, 30, 31. Now I'm on the road to becoming one of those wealthy people, there's people who hate me for wanted more for myself, they hate me for not staying in the predicted that I was in and it's not to say they hate me, but it's envy. They don't know they can have it too. Like I'm not a million in there yet, but I'm pretty sure when it's all said and done, I'm going to be way past that, whatever. And my goal is not all about the money. Money is just a tool for me. Money is energy. So I do a lot of service. I do a lot of uh humanitarian work and I don't show that, but my way of getting paid is monetarily because that's the world we live into that. And I used to be when I was in church, I'm like, money is the root of all evil money.
You don't need money to be happy. You don't need money to live, you don't need. But I was wrong because you do need money. That's why I was so stressed out because I was broke. And when I understand the laws of money and just understand like, everybody give you rich, everybody can have whatever it is that they want. It's just, most people never strive or most people don't believe they can do it. And at first I was one of the people who thought I couldn't be rich for one, I was reading the bible when you were saying like a rich man can't make it in heaven. So I'm like, man, I'm trying to make it in heaven. But then I realized I could have my heaven on earth. I'm not about to wait until I die. Because what if I don't make it to heaven? What if I go to hell? Because I was the center when I was in church was crazy about it when I left church, that's when I became more like christ and that's a contradicted in itself because when I was in church, I was praying, I was in church every sunday, monday, Tuesday, thursday, saturday.
Like I was in church a lot, but I was still sending sending like I and that blew my mom because when I turned away from church, that's when I started to realize, oh Kenneth your life is messed up because you don't know where you're going, you don't know who you are and nothing will never change until you make a change until you want to change and I had to want to change for myself, but at first I didn't believe I could change. And the only reason I didn't think it was possible, like I said because I've never seen someone, I mean, nobody ever got at me, nobody ever told me that. So I was following ready behind people my whole life. I didn't know who I was. People around me, they didn't know who they was. So it wasn't on me, that's just the game I chose to play when I was born and Atlanta but moved to gearing when I was to like everything we do, we decide for him. So what you believe it or not before you, before you were born, you choose your mom, you choose your dad, you choose your brothers, you all choose each other is to help you evolve to help y'all each other grow.
So that means you choose the bad that you go through with it, you choose the good that you go through and it's all to help you. It's all to a lot of times to be your own current. And that's another conversation. But back to the topic of contradiction because I'm going to stay focused. This is my goal to not go off and just talk about random things but to stay focused on the topic and the topic is contradiction and guess what? I'm pretty sure. So I'm gonna say a topic for probably two minutes and then after all talking about something different because that's the contradiction of myself and I'm gonna realize it. But that's just like meditation, meditation is when you're trying to stay focused me when I started meditating turn on the fan and I will stay focused on the fan as soon as my mom would go somewhere else, I would catch myself and at first I was hard on myself or not hard on myself, but first I'm like that can't stay from your focus, cannot what you can't do this, you can't do that.
And then I understood that's what meditation is. Meditation is only catching yourself being distracted and now I don't need a fan. Now I'm able to stay focused longer without anything with just breaking up techniques and like I said, I was going to start rambling, but I didn't even get back on top, let's go back to the contradiction uh huh In my life, if I ever could have found something, I would have to experience it. Like I said in my past lives, I despise christians and then I had to become one in this life, I despised in musicians in this life. I'm like I don't want to be no rapper that I end up being like making a song, No, I'm not rapping today. But at first I was saying I ain't gonna ever do music, I'm not not going to ever do that again because I feel that I ain't gonna say I feel it in my past life, but when I was a musician, last time I didn't achieve the goals that I want and I made a lot of money, I got famous, I got everything I want to after I died.
Now I don't want to experience that this time, I want to be able to experience my life to the fullest to, I want to be able to get everything I wanted and being a musician that gave me a big ego. It gave me, uh, I took advantage of that position and I realized that today a lot of rappers do that today could be waste their pretend not just rappers, but anybody, they waste, they they get they waste their potential oranges, trying to impress others, trying to live for others, trying to make others happy. And me, I'm not on that year and not all musicians do that. Now, roberts do that, it's just just the majority, but I understand why I wouldn't do it. But the contradicted moment is when I made songs for myself and I want to continue to do it, but I'm like, nope, not going down that path, But if I was to go into music path, it would be as a manager, it won't be as A and R.
It would be like someone behind the scenes. I don't want to be on the stage, I don't want to be, you know, like that I would rather be known as being not the puppet master, but man who controls the strings and that's how I like, I like my privacy. I said in my first arm, like I control the strings behind the scenes without diamond rings. I don't even know where it came from that the skin was like first round myself, I'm like, oh shit, that's how I know I can rap because it's in me, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not going to try to gain no type of notoriety of it. I'm not trying to make no career off of it, but that's the contracting addictive thing I'm saying what I don't want to do and what I'm not gonna do, who's to say what I was going to happen a year from now, two years from now we're gonna say what type of opportunities going to present itself for somebody like, oh I heard that rap, you sure you don't want to you like, you know what I'm saying?
So that's all about me. It's like, I know that I can contradict myself, but I don't mean to do it. Like it's not when I see people at first and I used to judge people when they was contradicting themselves. I'm like, now I understand you don't mean to contradict yourself. It's not something like I intentionally do we go about trying to do it just happens like what? Uh the waitress came and she didn't even ask me if I want to call them are I just blurted, I wanted calamari after I just thought I don't want calamari. So I'm like, what was that? Is it even me acting for this because I know our channel a lot of spirits. I know I talked to a lot of spirits and they talked through me a lot. So do we even be me contradicting myself. It could be one of my spirit gods of my ancestors, that's tapping in and like just ask for things or doing things that I don't want to do to make me go ghost lessons because God knows I would go to half of the stuff I went through like I'm on a fool's journey, I quit my job, I quit everything, I dropped everything.
Me and my family moved to Las Vegas live with my brother for a few months, got kicked out dan had to like basically go through life without a helping hand without nobody for support and even the support that a guy from little family, they end up turning on me. So I'm like my whole journey has been through food journey because I had, I have not once stop, not once gave up on my goals for my dreams and like I said, and this has been without working up Like a traditional 9-5, Like for 2019. I literally struggled. I was not making no type of money, extra income whatsoever, but soon as 2020 came all that started coming back and I realized that was the test I could have gave up then I could have got a job then, but I stayed focused on stayed I think so I'm staying focused because I got distracted a lot on my journey or even to this day, I be getting distracted just like in these conversations I get distracted but this is not about contradiction what I'm talking about right now, but I'm checking myself and I'm not gonna judge myself, but like I said this is like meditation out when I realized I'm getting off the topic, I need to just round while myself back and realized what was I talking about in the first place.
But anyways it's about getting a full understanding of life So when you say you're not going to do something you probably gonna end up doing 99% chance you're gonna end up doing and it's probably not even use probably your assets making you do something. Even if you don't believe in it, even if you don't believe in spirit guys already named spirit animals, it don't matter. Something has got to do something is doing something for you and it's helping you get your life and if not you probably fell in your life like you probably your life probably suck, you probably hate your life. But yeah. Yeah. But here's my theory though and this is just on racist because like I said I'm not a racist, I didn't grow up racist. I never truly experienced it. I may not experience a couple of incidents but there wasn't major but my whole thing on why I'm not a racist is because I was that in the past I had to be there in the past life. I had to have some type of feeling toward a certain race even because I've been white.
I've been black I've been chinese I've been a slave of been rich, I've been everything like I said, I don't know if I've been a woman but ain't no telling if I discovered that I was a woman in one of my past life just because I like to get a full experience of life. But on the racist thing, I believe that if a person is racist today, he's going to experience it racist in his next life or even in this life meaning like a white man and he's racist towards black people when he reincarnate, he's probably going to be black and it's probably gonna be white people whose racist at me towards him and he can like, why is it, why is this going on or it may not even happen in your next life. These racist could end up having grandchildren. You know, grandkids is black or have black or have whatever and they have to end up learning to love that. I mean there to grandchild because its blood at the end of the day. Well, I mean we're all the same. Like we all just got difference.
We're all different shades. A truly nobody the same skin tone. We all got our own, we all are the same but different and me, I love to be different. I'm I'm not trying to fit in. I used to, but I can't just like my teeth, my teeth do not come together, they separate. I'm not gonna try to change that. It was a point in time where I did, but now I'm older. I'm like, now this is what makes me unique because I've always had the money to do it. I've always had the opportunity to do it. Always wanted to do it. But once I became aware of who I was and to read, I'm the one who chose this gap for myself. So once I realized this was my choice to have this to go through life with a gap. And I'm like, why would I change that? No, I'm like, this is what keeps me humble. My teeth keeps me humble. This is why you don't see me on camera. This is why you don't see me out or smiling with my teeth because at the end of the day this I feel my subconscious feels away about like I feel a certain type of way about it.
It's not that I feel away about it. I know what it is because when I was a kid, people used to joke about and a lot of times when you're on social media, be a lot of kill a lot of people that strolling the first thing they like to talk about with your teeth and I'm not a person who likes to joke around like that. I mean I joke around. Uh, but I can take it personal, I could take away personal that a lot of people just like my mom, she didn't even expect this. But today I posted this girlfriend video and before I posted, I'm like, somebody's gonna mention 2017 version of me one when I let the golf stick go for the golf club go through them. The first person who says something was my mom. She said, oh, you don't have butterfingers anymore. So my first is thinking is it's always a crap in the book and not to call one of my crab or nothing. But I knew it was gonna happen.
I just didn't know it was gonna be my own flesh and blood. But I didn't hold like I made sure I said, what was on my mind? Like, I'm like, this is not 2017, 2021. Stop expecting me to do the same thing. Even though she was joking. Like me. Like I said, I couldn't take it to the next level. I knew she was joking. I could have took it as a joke, but like I said, I didn't expect it to come from her and she didn't expect that reaction, but she would like only expect the best out of you. I said, that's not what your first comment says though. Like I said, she like wild no more butterfingers. I'm like, if you only expect the best out of your game, that's what your first comment. She said she like I was just being funny. That song didn't mean to offend you. I said, yeah, some jokes get off. But my mom like she was like damn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. It wasn't that you offended me but I've seen it coming and I would have responded like that to anybody because like that's who I am now.
I know how to take jokes when I'm in a joking moment. But I'm also a personal who say how you truly feel. Most people they say jokes and like they tell the truth of those jokes but they're just trying to hide it. And I understand that. So even though I knew my mom was joking, she just had to catch those bullets because she knows who I am. She knows like she knows the type of reaction she can get out of me and most people there do things to trigger. You're trying to get a reaction out of you. Like I said she probably wasn't there. It wasn't her attention but she definitely didn't expect what she got. Yeah. No. The next thing back to this contradiction I was watching the show called Snowfall right? And it's on FX. It's about this black dude who was selling, we first started selling cocaine, realized you need to capitalize off of and realized he wasn't making enough money and he creates or no, he finds its supplier who's making crack cooking up crack and they're telling uh this guy franklin was to start the show or what have done like after effects and he starts making it he starts people start getting addicted to start getting hooked on it.
And when I got out of that show was it wasn't the cocaine that got people uh it wasn't the cocaine that messed up people's lives. It was the black dudes who was cooking it up trying to make it cheaper. And that's what messed up our people. So they frankly or in real life if the guy never cooked up crack then we are black people. I mean black people wouldn't have never been in this situation. They were trying to make more money. They were trying to like like they literally trying to make more money and in the process of making more money they destroyed a lot of homes. So isn't even the white man who whose fault it or the government said the government was C. I. A. Who is supplying to do like is it his fault that our people uh went down that path because he ain't doing it was like hey you should do you should cook it this way or you should do it this way to make your money.
He was like no I'm just trying to get the supply this war. I don't know what you gonna do with this one. I sell it to you. But the guy franklin in the show like I got to do something like I had to make some more money and it wouldn't work. So I'm like the contradiction that and that was everybody blamed the CIA. But cocaine was a rich person's drug. If people don't understand cocaine really was a rich person right now, that means like only rich people have the money to do that. Yeah. This black guy got ahold of it, realized black people wasn't a cane before cocaine. He wasn't gonna make no money flipping that. So he had to do something to gang profit and that's what truly messed up our people. And the show was a good show. I like to do franklin. I can relate to him but I'm like gang with a good thing. I wasn't growing up in during that time because ain't no telling what I would have been doing.
You know, telling I'm so intelligent, so smart. I know I've been in, I made money off but I would have destroyed so many people. My conscience probably would have been messed up. I would have been probably, I don't know. Ain't no telling It's a good thing that I was born in 1990. Anything we need to learn to not be too much mental and have more combat compassion for others. That's what I learned. Like stop judging other people because I will always judge people but it was music through youtube whatever. Just conversation. I will always be able to see the contradiction. And my whole thing was ken if you contradict yourself more than anybody else. So how could you the judge so have compassion for those people who don't even know who they are. They don't know they're being contradicted. They don't understand patterns like you do, they don't see things like you do. So that's what I learned. That's what the contradiction is about. It's not a bad thing that you contradict yourself.
Like I said most of time they don't even be me. That's making myself contradict myself people and serve with my spirit gods and for you, I don't know what makes you contradict yourself but realize you don't have to judge somebody else for doing something, anybody. You don't have to judge nobody for doing anything, whatever it is they're doing. Like if it doesn't impact you, you shouldn't even be thinking about, you shouldn't worry about, you shouldn't care about it. Yeah. Unless it's your family, unless it impacts you monetarily financially health wise, I mean it's okay to laugh, it's okay to have fun. It's okay to watch videos. But when you judging a person and you're trying to make this person look bad or you're trying to make this person lose money or whatever it is. Like it's always going to come back on you or it's like literally the tables always turned. So that's what this episode is about. The contradiction. I know I kind of went off topic a lot of time, but that's okay because I'm always being led to talk about whatever I talk about and I talked about what needs to be talked about the contradiction.
So, thank you guys for tuning in. I'm not gonna say if I'm gonna be more consistent, I'm not gonna say if I'm gonna take a break because I don't know, my whole goal is just to keep doing to keep my head down. And some marathon chris it's a lot of two years, I've been doing this for over two years now and our studio continuing to put effort into it, no matter how many times will take a break from me, I'm always gonna come back and give y'all me. I'm always gonna tell you on my mind. Like I said a lot of times, I've been wanting to talk about stuff at the end of the say the next instance, like now I'm gonna talk about it. So I think what I should do is start telling, saying what the next episode gonna be in this episode. So I don't have something so I don't know to talk about. But then again, that would be a contradiction because I'm like, no, I didn't talk about that. I don't want to be maybe more catfishing. But then again, who says people listen to the end, I could be literally talking to myself, but that's what life's all about.
You never know, But thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you guys for listening peace. I love you guys. We have