Rise Up and Shine Podcast

98 of 177 episodes indexed
Back to Search - All Episodes

Ep. 83 How to Disagree While Keeping the Peace

by Claudine Sweeney
June 30th 2021
We have all been given free will and free agency. We all think, feel and believe differently so no doubt we will disagree with people in our lives. However, oftentimes a disagreement can quickly turn ... More
you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids. We have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise Up and Shine podcast. Welcome back everyone. I have a quote here from Renee Brown that I thought I would start us off with and it says disagreements are intensified by the stories we tell ourselves what starts as a simple conflict grows into a storm because of falsely assigned intentions and hurt feelings. So if you haven't guessed that's what we're talking about today disagreements because who of us has not had a disagreement right? And they come in all shapes and sizes and forms.

We can have small disagreements. We can have major disagreements that tear families apart that people don't speak to for years and years and years because they've disagreed about something. So today Ashleigh and I are going to talk about how to disagree because disagreeing is going to happen. You and I haven't had any disagreements yet, have we other than fighting over who's going to start because I never want to start, but here I am today starting. But um it's part of life, right? We both are married. So we have spouses, We have husbands that we have certainly disagreed with. I do. I sorry, I thought of one, yes disagreed. What was it on? Sweet potato? Oh, that's right. We have addressed this in another. We do have a disagreement on the size of the sweet potato. The long skinny ones are the big Karen's. That's true, we do disagree on that, but in all seriousness, that was very light and we both laughed at each other because we have different beliefs about the sweet potato.

But the truth of it is a lot of things are much deeper. They have far greater consequence. And today we're talking about how to disagree so that we can maintain our relationships because ultimately that's what we want. We want to have loving peaceful relationships even when we're going to disagree, even when we have disagreements. And it's funny because my husband and I are finally getting ready to move into our home. We have a few more weeks left. And so we've been busy going around looking at furniture and uh in different things to write, to get it set up from the beginning. And a couple of months ago he told me, I do not want our house to look like a model home. Well, in my brain, I was like, well that's exactly what our house is going to look like. It's going to look like a model home, right? I love decorating, I love having order in peace. I like everything to look nice. I love Pinterest, right? This is me. We just talked about identity. Okay, this is my identity, my house and how it looks as part of my identity, right? So it was funny he said that and I kid you not, it was definitely God or the spirit because instead of reacting to that and saying, well, no, that's exactly what our house is going to look like, I said, well, what does that mean to you?

And I questioned him and what he meant and I went deeper, right? And I think a lot of time our disagreements go into conflict and fights because we don't take the time to really dig deeper. And it was funny because what he said was, I really want our house to be comfortable. I wanted to be a place where people can come here and put their feet up and stay awhile and just really feel comfortable. I don't want them to feel like they're in a museum. And I was like, perfect, that's exactly what I want. And so the truth of it is when he said that comment, I was attaching a lot of meaning to it, right? I was, my feelings were getting hurt because he knew how much energy and effort I was putting into really coming up with a design for our house. And then he was telling me like, well, I don't want what you want. That's what I was hearing. But something stopped me and I dug deeper. And luckily we both actually did want the very same thing. So we all have opinions right? Some of them are of great consequence. And so those are the times we're going to need to work it out and some of them are just nonsense.

You know, I don't bother spending a lot of energy disagreeing with nonsense. I'm just like uh huh. Well that's interesting. You know? So that's that's my take. But that's what we're talking about today. How to disagree without killing each other. This is a good one because disagreeing can be scary to me. You know I mean it was probably in my second year of marriage where I finally started having a quote unquote opinion. My husband and I joke about now because I didn't I didn't I didn't really speak up about my views in my opinion is that was just the way I was at that time. Little did my husband. No I was full of lots of opinions And so and then you know when you're now together and you're making decisions together and you're trying to be unified that challenging especially if one got so used to making most of the decisions and the other one didn't participate in making decisions then that definitely caused conflict. And so it was scary because I do not like conflict.

I like peace and harmony. Yes, I like feel good emotions and I did not feel comfortable disagreeing because in my brain my belief was every disagreement is going to turn into an argument but that's not true, but that was my belief about it. And so I wanted to avoid it at all costs. So I would just go along with whatever and that's fine. And I'm an easy going person anyways, that it was fine for a while. And then when, you know, I grew up, because I got married at 23 20 to 1 of those very, very young, um, you know, throughout our marriage, then I was like, wait, but I don't really like this weight, but I and I also realized he wasn't reciprocating that yeah, he's still pretty opinionated and he's not letting me just do whatever I want. So this, wait a minute, this isn't fair. So then I thought, okay, maybe it's a little safer for me to have an opinion, right? Um, so yeah, it was interesting because we really had to work a lot through that how to disagree and it doesn't have to lead to an argument.

We can have both differing views and that's okay. And so I had to learn a lot of those beliefs underlying and I had that I had a similar belief. I thought if I disagreed with someone then they wrong, I was wrong, blow up right. And disagreements can lead to fight or flight or freeze and we experienced a lot in your own household growing up of disagreements, trying to arguments and so we want to avoid it at all costs, right? Stay safe. That's so true. And I'm when I am a fighter, I'm not a fighter or a freezer, I'm a fighter. So if my husband disagrees with me, I tend to fight. Like I I'm a counter attacker. You and I are both facilitators and I choose us. I'm a counter attacker. So you come at me, I'll come right back at you. I don't do that with really anybody else? Just my husband? Not not my friends. Do you think they're all great disagreed? Because I don't want to meet that person? No. Well, and she just freezes with with my friends.

I'm I freeze. I just get really, really quiet like, mm. Yeah, Well, I think it's because my husband stuck with me. You know, we're married for life. So I guess he can't leave me. But my friends can. Maybe that's why I don't know. But anyway, be the dynamic between your mom and dad and their relationship to perhaps I don't know anything to discover something to discover. But going forward today, we're talking about how to disagree but not be disagreeable. Okay, now we have to look this up because I'm like, wait, that doesn't that sound redundant. What does disagreeable mean? Okay, give the definition for those who might need it. You looked it up. Ok listeners. So disagreeable means unpleasant and bad tempered. It brings to mind that scripture don't don't be easily angered, right? So if you're kind of easily angered. As soon as someone's disagreeing with you, then there's a reason, you know, maybe you're thinking you're always right or you feel like you're being disrespected, but those are things to dig into.

But just if you feel like you're disagreeable, you know, that's not going to help a conversation going well, that's when it will turn into an argument and conflict. And that's the skill that we need to learn. Like I had to learn how to disagree without being ill tempered or offensive, right? And that's a lot of times. That's what happens when someone disagrees with us. We can start attacking the person, we can start attacking their idea, we go on the attack and we can try to minimize the other person's opinion because really it makes us feel better. Like it's hard to be wrong. None of us really go into conversations going, I'm probably but wrong about everything I'm going to share today. So I'm going to let this other person disagree with me and show me how right they are and how wrong I am right. None of us go into it that way. And so disagreements can really poke a lot of things out of us proud, a lot of things out of us that it's great because like you said, once we see it, once we have an awareness of it, then we can discover it its discovery and then we can deal with it because it is it is helpful to disagree.

I mean there's nothing wrong with disagreeing. I mean, Gosh, this last year we've had with the election with Covid. We have had best friends on all sides of everything going on in the world. You know, race, everything. We have friends all over the place. We have really close friends that are on opposite poles of what they believe. My husband, I have tried to just walk in the middle, stay true to ourselves, but just listen to everybody else's opinions on the subject. But it has been a year if there's ever been a time to learn how to disagree in a healthy way, this has been the year definitely. I think what I've seen a lot is that when there is disagreement going on. Yeah, I mean all over the media, right? I mean we see the disagreements but there's so much chaos with it because we're having trouble with being able to disagree in a healthy way. You know, I was thinking as you were saying not going on the attack, like you can be disagreeable. I had to learn how to disagree. Like to I had to learn how to disagree that it's okay to disagree.

It doesn't mean it's going to ruin my entire relationship in life. I had all these just absolutes. Like no, I can't ever do that but really paying attention to disagreeing and still respecting each other. That's basically it. Why do we somehow believe that we all need to believe the same exact thing about everything, like where I know, where does that come from And it goes back to our last episode who has the standard broadcast to set the standard for what you believe, right? And we both as christian women obviously have chosen God. Like okay, life goes well when we do it this way. But other than that, I mean just about social issues and other things that aren't always necessarily a biblical issue. You know, it's still, we need to allow other people to have their own opinion. I mean we feel like we should be free to have our own opinion. I mean we are in a free country, well, kind of not feeling that way anymore. But that's, that's exactly what changed my perspective, my beliefs and my relationships. A few years ago, I had to realize I'm like, wait, God has given me free will.

So I can believe whatever I want to believe, I can think what I want to think. I can feel what I want to feel and I can act in a way that I choose right, good or bad. I have free will to do that, God has given each one of us that who am I not to give that same free will to all those people in my life. And you know, as a mom, certainly when they're younger and even as young adults, there is this desire to control to influence in a strong way, their behaviors and their thoughts. You know, we try to influence them for the good, but at some point we have no control. My kids are all adults. I really have no control. I can influence, but I can't control them. They get to think whatever they want to think. And even with Covid, we had, our two of our kids were on opposite ends. We had one that didn't believe in it, who ended up the one that caught it and another one that was terrified that even coming within six feet of us, they might kill us. So we were like trying to deal with two different perspectives. They certainly disagreed with each other and we had to kind of um navigate that with Grace not to send either one of them yes with Grace.

And honestly love in the scripture for me that comes to mind is love one another to actually love one another. And what is love, it's patient, it's kind, it's not self seeking. And those to me are the ways to handle disagreements. Like we can disagree about something and we can be patient with the other person. We can still be kind to someone who disagrees with us. We can not be self seeking. Like I can believe whatever I want to believe and you get to believe whatever you want to believe and we might not agree, but we can still be loving and respectful, right? Absolutely. And it almost seems like that the culture or the like the temperature almost I want to call it out there in the world is if you disagree with me then you're a hater, right? It's like what? Yeah, so true. But you're disagreeing with me too. So does that mean you're a hater? Like really good views? So it's so important just to go back to that standard and that's why again we choose to have that standard for our life because things go much better.

There is more peace. I mean, I mean, you know the funny comical beauty pageant thing, oh, what do you want for the world? World peace is like, well here you go, we really do. We really do want world peace, we want world peace. But how do we achieve that? How do we achieve peace out there and culture in the world through these very highly emotional situations and experiences that people go through? Um how do we approach that? I think just having that basis of love, love and grace and forgiveness and respect love and respect that's all over the bible. People, right, Love and respect that goes into disagreeing and dealing with conflict or just relationship in general. And especially talking about really kind of heated highly emotional topics because we do we come with our own thoughts and beliefs and feelings and experiences were all different. We're all unique. We all have our own viewpoints and that's okay rather than forcing you need to believe this and you know, we just get into those head spaces and that that doesn't help anything, you know, and I think about the things that you said that our emotional that are heavy, you know, and I think about when I was younger, maybe more newly married and had Children, things we disagreed about the most with our parenting and our finances.

So now fast forward 30 years later is an empty nester. We don't really have anything to disagree about the Children because they're all adults now so we can have different opinions on certain things, but you know, that's not as big one, but money can still be a source of disagreement, right? And I feel like even for us now as we're getting ready to move, we can have difference of opinions on how we spend our money, how we invest our money, how much, how little and those give fiery like it took for me, it triggers like I start burning inside like no, you know, if we do it this way, things are going to go bad, right? I mean usually these disagreements what we're talking about, it's not about nonsense stuff. My husband would say I want chicken tonight and I'm like, well I want beef. So we're gonna have chicken and beef. I mean those aren't big deals, but it's the things that we feel are going to really alter our life for the lives of people we care about and that's where that that the fire, that temperature like you're saying that fire within starts burning like no, you know, it'll be bad and really when we have disagreements like that it teaches so much about who we are.

That's what I've learned. Like when I start disagreeing my husband, I have a bump or something. I'm like what is this showing me about me? Like what can I learn here about myself? Like what I value my fears because a lot of times for me I don't know about you. But when I'm in a disagreement it really triggers a lot of my fears and my insecurities. So then I'm aware I'm like, oh that hit a nerve. That's interesting. I reacted rather sharply with that. What is going on with me that's the growth that's come for me personally with disagreements. Well that's the most powerful question. You know, what is this showing about myself and what we tend to do just even by nature is defend right? Then we defend and blame and then well you need a change that your nature to I thought it was just my nature. I think defendant blame, defendant blame this is all your fault especially when it's something that's so near and dear to you. Something that triggers something within us then that's what, that's how we're going to respond.

We're going to feel defensive and like something is threatening us, right? That goes back to our primitive self are primitive brain, we feel threatened. And so we, you know, how do we respond when we're threatened? Well we need to defend ourselves and we need to fix the outside thing that is threatening us. Which is the other person is the other person is clearly wrong. Yes. Yeah. I love you. Well, you know, thanks so much. Like I know we are. That's a whole another episode anyway. But you know it's so true. Everything you just said. It's so true. And for me too, I thought when I was younger, certainly disagreeing was wrong. Like it was wrong of me to disagree. Like a good quiet girl doesn't disagree. You just go with the flow, right? Yes. Part of identity. I'm easy going. I go with the flow and I'm the good one. I'm the quiet one that was you know, we just did a whole podcast episode on that on Identity.

But for me to disagree would have felt somehow imperfect and wrong. And so then I got married and learn, wait, I disagree with this person a lot. Now I need to learn how to do it correctly. Like this isn't I'm not threatened. It's just a disagreement. And even reading the bible and saying that paul and Barnabas had a disagreement to such an extent that they split up when they went on the mission field, they went separate ways. So even in the bible we have people that disagree and the world does not collapse and they must have done it respectfully because we don't see any terrible after math, there wasn't a, a life lesson there with don't do it like paul and Barnabas did they did disagree, They went separate ways and God used that to double his mission work. Really? So God used it. So they must have disagreed. I'm going to assume respectfully, but they did disagree. So disagreement is okay, it's okay to disagree. It's just how we do it, how we do it well. And I'm really big on the why.

Also we talk a lot about that, but I dig deep into the why and I like to kind of, You really think about what was life like when I was a kid, you know, my siblings and my parents. Um and I mean, how many, especially now being a mom, right? Kids, nine and 10. So I really see a lot of parallels and how I my personality, but also the experiences I went through as a young child, right? So being the youngest and having a sibling who had health issues. So my mom was in and out of the hospital with them and having to be with grandparents a lot because of that couldn't be around and then my parents divorcing and then losing one of those grandparents who were with all the time and you know, like that's a lot in the first seven years of a kid's life. So I realized that and even just how we were disciplined, I think that plays a lot into at least for myself and like the disagreeing part and conflict resolution and being able to have an opinion because how many of us from our parents have heard?

Well because I said so or do as I say and which are not necessarily a bad thing, but in that generation growing up, it's so different than it is now. But growing up it was if you disagreed, you get punished where there's a consequence. So Children grew up believing that I cannot have an opinion. I cannot have a say because the parents make all the rules and sometimes it can go to the extreme obviously Children need guidelines and rules and structure for sure and consequences. I am not, you know, minimum saying that at all as a parent good. However, I do realize both my husband and I have allowed our Children to disagree with us and we talk through it because we want them to feel heard and what has happened and what I personally believe has been happening, especially in the last year because we've seen a lot of this conflict that when we disagree with each other. It I believe it's triggering that I was not heard. I did not have an opinion as a child even in a very normal loving environment at home or it could have been horrible abusive environment, whichever we all have kind of grown up with, that need to be heard.

The important I mattered to in my opinion matters to and so as Children, if we weren't given a lot of that freedom and authenticity, right? We talked about last week, then it's hard for us in our relationships. We don't know how to disagree without being offended or feeling hey, like I matter to and then it gets the emotions going and then how you know, how do we respond? We defend, we blame we, you know, protect, protect, protect, protect me. And that is what we're talking about here, just recognizing, you know, maybe you don't think that you had those experiences and that's totally fine. I'm just saying just think about that because I know for myself I that's what I have learned, you know, just with how I was disciplined or parented and then what I'm choosing to do a little differently with my Children and you know the parallel to why I felt like I didn't have an opinion. Yeah, so I was one of those parents that just said do as I say, I lived that and then I turned around and did the same thing so maybe none of my kids feel heard so they'll probably be be get will be guest on the next episode about what to do when your parents, I'm just kidding.

No, but actually I have a great relationship with now and they are allowed to disagree with me and you know as adults, they absolutely can, they are heard and they can disagree. But I ever talked to you and said like I didn't really feel like you listened or you didn't do they ever just one of them, one of them I think felt that more than the others, but they were kind of um on the fringe. So I think for me, I think I tightened um not my grip, but I kind of narrowed the boundaries and because there was such a fear and that's some of the practical that we're going to talk about. I think for me, one of them I'm going to start with this one was don't personalize because I think sometimes when someone disagrees with us, it becomes about us like like an attack on her. Yeah, it feels like an attack even if they don't verbally attack us. It can feel like an attack. It feels very personal, like they don't agree. And so this child when they were younger didn't agree with our christian faith.

And so for me it felt very personal. That was a deep, obviously significant thing that we value and really have lived our life sports. So to have a child that doesn't necessarily share that at that at a younger age when you feel the responsibility, I'm supposed to be teaching and training you, what will other people think, where have I failed in teaching you? How amazing God is all these thoughts and feelings were going on. So it became very personal. So practical. Number one is when there's a disagreement, don't personalize. It's really not about you. It's just their thought and opinion. It's not a how they see, right? It's their world view. And really, again, like I said earlier, it really can teach us what we believe. What do we value? What does this say about me in the case of this disagreement. You know, it's like what I value something different than they value. And that's okay. So practical one, don't personalize because we can get a lot of um, stress and strife if we start personalizing someone else's opinion, right?

And we'll definitely hurt our relationships. You know, I mean as I've learned in marriage, but also along with that, just recognizing if you're starting to feel triggered, right? Offensive offended or you're taking it personal and your emotions are starting to get heated. Then you can just recognise that what's going on in your body and you can say, can we talk about this in a little bit. I want to take a break. Let's kind of take a little break and then we can come back and talk about because that's okay, nothing needs to be solved in those five minutes. You know, nothing like it's not that urgent. I mean really if it's like an emergency, but usually it's most likely not that urgent, but is recognizing, hey, I'm starting to feel heated. I'm starting to feel upset then let's just take a little break and we'll come back brain you know. Yeah that flush of hormones need to calm down and then you can come back and have a rational conversation right? And another 12 is listening to hear and understand right?

Sometimes you can listen to respond and so I have that conversation with my daughter earlier how when I was talking to her you can tell in her face that she's trying to, she's trying to say something and I told her I said just make sure you're really hearing my words or you know I know you have something to say and you will get your turn but make sure you're really hearing me when we listen to someone who are listening to really hear them and try to understand not to just have a rebuttal, you know this isn't court listen to really understand and that's so important you know and without judgement right? Without judgment we need to make sure that we can hear the other side we can understand as much as we can. We're not always going to understand. And that's one thing I've had to learn even in my marriage is my husband and I are so opposite that we both have to come to terms with. There's times we're not going to understand and that's okay. We don't have to go round and round and round to to understand because we're very different. We don't see things the same way different.

Yeah that's okay and not criticize, not judge, not look down on the other person or their view just accept. Yeah. Except it's so careful. Free will, free will. Yeah, I love that because most people don't listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. I mean I feel like that was me for many, many, many years like rebuttal rebuttal rebuttal like you know there's so much tied to that and that's everyone's journey to discover that for themselves understand why they feel that not even necessarily the why like I'm not as interested for me personally as you are to go back and understand the why I just want to understand the how do I go forward, you know, for me. And so but there was a lot of discovery once we realized where we are, I'll never forget. Years and years ago my husband, I were Italy and we had a road map but they had all these roundabouts and no street signs and so I was in charge of navigating him and he kept saying, okay, tell me where to turn. I'm like okay tell me where we are.

Like I didn't know where we were, there were no street signs. I was looking at this map and we had we were like screaming at each other. He stressed out because he's driving, you know around streets, he's not familiar with and asking me for directions. I'm like how can I tell you where to go when I don't know where we are and that has stayed with me for years. So as I started doing all this work, I started realizing you have to know where you are. So for me it's the discovery. It's the awareness that you talk about. It's like I need to know where I am to know how to go forward and learning why disagreements where challenging for me. How do I react? What is it that I value? Where am I with this? Oh this is where I am and it's so helpful. So so helpful when really quick to if you are like me, I love to go back and try and connect the dots. It's like a puzzle. I love puzzles, not jigsaw puzzles, but I love mysteries and types of things. So to see it, but not to blame, not blame our parents, but I did not agree with how you disciplined us or raised us.

It's nothing like that because that's still going to have power over you and we want to be empowered, right? Not the victim and so recognizing it. Just curiosity. Just discovery, just connecting those dots. That's really interesting. I get it. I can see why I do that and why I respond this way or why you know overreact or whatnot whatever it may be for you personally, but just remember it's not a time to blame parents, other people's situations. It's, you know, that's not going to give you the piece. So I just want to play that another practical is really to respect the other person. And that can be hard when we're triggered. We talked about that. If our magnolia gets inflamed, it's active now. It's really hard. At least for me, maybe I'm the only one, but I can lose the respect part in the disagreement. I can just be in protect mode and attack mode. I'm a counterattack. I can attack because I don't want to feel threatens. Um, I don't want my values and my beliefs to be threatened, but to do it with respect to really, again, look at the other person and go, this is just their opinion, but who they are, their identity, They're no different than me.

They're still loved and fearfully and wonderfully made there all the things that we want to believe about ourselves. So is that other person, even if their opinions and their beliefs differ from mine. So to really have an attitude of respect when we're disagreeing with someone and that is so easy to say. And so much harder to do really well. And even remember, even if your opinion might be right, right? Always right? Always right? No, no. Even if you feel like your opinion is right, It's not your job to convince them. You know, if you could shed some light and give them some information and try and help them see things through your lens. But to convince when we're trying to convince that's where people might shut their ears to yes. You know, I know I've done that. There are things where especially with my husband, try to talk about over and over and over and over. I got to drill it in. I got to drill it in. But that was that was coming from a place of I need him to see it through my lens and I need him to agree with me because I'm right.

And that never helped. That never helped. And so there's times where you might feel like, well my opinion really is right and it might be it might not. But that's okay. But it's not your job to convince the other because then you lose the respect, then you know, they're just not going to want to listen to you and that's not what we do. We do. We try to push our point. We try to convince the other person I am right. And it's a very humanistic tendency, very human. Yeah. We're wired that way. It's not right. But we are wired that way. You must believe what I believe and here's why here's why I am right. Yeah. And another thing that goes along with that is to learn the other person's point of view. You know, if you want the other person to learn from you and see things, try to understand where you're coming from, do them the same courtesy. It really should be a mutual respect thing and you can research thing because what happens a lot of times as people, I've come in contact with people and gotten into conversations where I started feeling like I'm defending, you know, whether it's myself or even someone else, like I just mentioned a comment and then we get into a conversation and then it starts turning to like almost like they're criticizing this person and it wasn't a gossip thing, it was just like a factual thing.

But then I felt like I was defending this other person who wasn't there, I'm like, wait, this conversation turned weird. Yeah, right happen here. And so what happened was they were going based off maybe like one instance that they experienced and then, so that's like their standard and that's, that will be all well then if I experienced it in this way, then it always must be that way. Even in everybody's different relationships and me knowing, you know, like everybody has their own different experiences and impacts and influences. But I thought it was interesting. I that has happened and I've really, I just kind of stopped talking because you know like, well now we're just disagreeing and this this wasn't even that kind of accomplish, it's not even about us. This turned well weird brought up another great practical, which um sometimes the words we use, like I think here's another one, don't use always and never like we experienced something once the absolutes and don't attack the other person clearly.

I mean that seems like an obvious, but let it be said. But when we use absolutes, like always or never that automatically the other person now, I can't believe you. It's like, no, it doesn't always happen. And never and then they are you miss the point that's being, trying to communicate it and that becomes an argument, a disagreement about always and never. I think I was the queen of using always or never early in my marriage because I experienced it one time and I'm like, you always did it on my husband was like, I don't always and then it became a disagreement about me listing will remember in 1988 and then remember in 1995 you know, and he would just be like, oh my gosh. And it just spiraled into these huge arguments, which, you know, probably started with something about, you know, what do you want to eat for? I'm just going to say, can we have vegetables with our protein? I mean, I don't even know, but all of a sudden, so don't you always or never don't use absolute huge practical, right? And another 12 is um some of the common phrases like, well don't be offended by this.

But yeah, you're setting the person up to be offended exactly like you're kind of just setting a precedent here and now my mind is going to be like, oh this is going to be offensive, right? Yeah, good point. And my last practical is agree to disagree. And again that goes back to you know what everyone has free will they get to think what they want to think and I get to think what I want to think and no one has control over my thoughts or my feelings other than myself and I don't have it over other people. And that has been the most freeing that has changed my relationships. You know, I told my husband the other day, we're I don't know what we were talking about and I just looked and I said well you do you and I'll do me like you know you go do your thing, you can do your thing and I'll go do my thing. We don't have to do everything exactly alike and at the same time and all that, you know? Um so it's very freeing actually frees me when I give other people they're free agency. So it gives you that gives me the freedom. Absolutely isn't that interesting. Yeah, that's been amazing ourselves.

Yeah, I love that. All right, everyone, well, thank you for tuning in again to this episode. We hope that you have taken something from this um from this, talk about, Learning how to disagree in a healthy way and really apply it to your own life. So things go well with you and you can rise up and shine and live your best life authentically and at peace, peace and in calmness. And if you disagree with us, you can let us know without being disagreeable. Yes, I always feel free to leave a comment suggestion even any topic you want to hear about. We love to hear that so we will catch you next week. Yeah. Okay. All right, everyone, thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the Rise up and Shine podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button. So you never miss an episode and while you're at it, share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today. If you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Clotting Sweeney dot com and Ashley at Mind over Chaos dot com are links are in the description.

We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life. Okay? Yeah

Ep. 83 How to Disagree While Keeping the Peace
Ep. 83 How to Disagree While Keeping the Peace
replay_10 forward_10