This is episode 100 and 85 lies to stop believing right now you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids. We have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise up and Shine podcast. Hi everyone, I don't think we've ever actually said happy december our episodes this month yet. Well happy december listeners are friends. So this is the season we hear or see all over the place, believe right, it's the time of year. We believe in miracles and hope also some stuff that we should stop believing um definitely this time of year, but really all year around.
So today, what we wanted to talk about our five lies to stop believing, this is very important. There are some lies ladies that you are believing and you may not be aware of it. And I know Claudine and I went through this and when we went through our own personal journey and doing work on ourselves and trying to get to healing in a place of more joy and peace in our lives um that these were some of the lies that we found, we bought into right, we kind of adopted as truth and even though we weren't aware of it and really held a lot of weight in our lives, in our current state of mind and our well being. And so it was really um transformative when we recognize these when we became aware of them and we're able to reframe and so we're going to talk through them today. Yeah. It's really difficult to rise up and shine if you're holding on to any of these beliefs. So there are some great things to believe in the month of december, like you mentioned and there's some beliefs, it's time to let go of and surrender and say goodbye to us.
We're ending this year, we're getting close here. It's almost the end. There's some other things we need to say goodbye to and these five lies are some of the top ones that we ourselves have had to work through and a lot of our clients are challenged with as well. Yeah, that's one thing we found right in our own personal journeys and as we've researched and talked with other women that these are very common. We don't always think that we think we're the only ones that think this about ourselves and that's not true. There are many, many women out there who are, I believe that too and again, may not even be aware of it, right? Yes. Some of these beliefs are so default there from our childhood or early adulthood and they've just been ingrained and we think I'm on default mode. We don't even consciously think about what we really believe. I'm going to start off with the first one, which is very common and that is I am not enough and this can affect many areas, right? I'm not a good enough parent. I'm not smart enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not rich enough.
I am not. You fill in the blank enough and that's pervasive. That's one that many women struggle with. And honestly that lie will just lead to insecurity to guilt. So many things that aren't helpful or useful or beneficial. And for some reason that is just a common one. We struggle with that. I am not fill in the blank enough and who determines what enough is. That's what I want to know who determines that Like God. Social media. Yeah, It should be God, right? But actually we know that we don't always function that way right from that place, right? But we're bombarded by social media and television and music and whatever else. And it's like we think that that's the standard and we can never, you know, we can never reach um, someone's, what do they call it? Like the a real, you know, we only show our best on social media and movies are written by a team of writers, right? And if we're measuring ourselves to that. Yeah, we're never going to be enough. But that is a really detrimental lie.
I know for myself this kept me in victim mode. Yes. So I would stay in victim mode and anytime, especially my husband, that's my closest relationship or even it happened with my Children if they would say something or they would get upset about something. I could take it personal or even like I always felt, gosh, I'm so sensitive to people's tone of voice. You know like be nice and I've learned that it's because I take things personal because it would almost prove that see if I don't feel good enough, then they believe it to you know, they must be thinking the same thing I'm thinking and that's not necessarily true. Most likely they're not thinking that most cases. But it yeah, thinking I'm not enough. I'm not enough. I'm not a good enough mom, I'm not good enough wife, I'm not a good enough friend. Those are ones I've definitely replayed and it kept me stuck right? That's what it does. These lives will keep you stuck in this place where you're not experiencing peace and joy and love and fulfillment and abundance. And so that is definitely a very common one.
I think many of us are probably aware of this one because it is so common and pervasive as you and it's like yeah, using big words take and sometimes it's not obvious like we don't, you know, consciously in our minds say I am not good enough but it shows up through the insecurity through personalizing a random comment that someone makes, it wasn't intended to, you know insulting critique in any way And then all of a sudden we're like, oh I have a great example, Dinner Dinner, I've talked many times about how dinner is a very stressful time of the day. For me it used to be it's better now. But I would I would look for the approval of dinner of my dinner. Like I was like, it was a measure of how good of a cook I was good of a wife or homemaker. I am like if they said great things, wow, this is great, then I would feel good, they said nothing at all. Then I would feel crushed. I'm like they don't like it and then I'm in my head, right?
They don't like it. I am not a good enough cook. You know, they would say something if they liked it. I mean we build these well and that's the burden of this lie is you're constantly seeking external validation and that's exhausting. If you're constantly looking for validation. I mean luckily I didn't look for validation for my dinners. I think I would have fallen short and probably gotten very insecure. I'm like they got fed, they made a meal yippee job mom. I did it. So but so part of um overcoming these lies is you know reframing we'll talk a little bit more about that. But I also for me what was really helpful was replacing wise with either a really powerful scripture or something that I could practice saying in my head over and over. And so for this one like a mantra, right? And I love psalm 1 39 14, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And so any time I started struggling with feeling not enough in whatever manner I had to remind myself, no, I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I don't have to be perfect.
But I am enough. Just as I am, just as God created me. I am enough from the very beginning, from the beginning, together from the very beginning. You are enough. But yeah, we spend our lives trying to measure up some standard that we let someone else set for our lives and we don't even know who that was. It was just really all the influences on us, right? Past experiences well, you know, and that goes into another one is that I need to prove myself right. I need to prove my worth, my value. Those ones are very closely tied because of that insecurity. Um and a lot of times shame that we carry. You know, whether we've made mistakes where we could be very hard on ourselves and not give ourselves grace. We're pretty good at giving other people grace that we love, right, but ourselves were not so good at, but we what do we do? We work hard at our job to try to get an approval, like to show my worth if I achieve this in my career, then I'll prove worthy right, then I'll be valuable to society.
Or then my family will look at me like, wow, look what you did, or it can be in your marriage, it can be in a friendship. It's so many different things that we try to prove ourselves, especially for those people pleasers. I raise my hand, you can't see, but I'm raising my hand. This was a big one for me. I felt like I always had to prove myself and get outside validation. So I would feel good enough and worthy and valuable and so, and when you don't feel valuable as a person, just in who you are and who God created you, then that's what you're going to do. You're going to seek it from the outside because you don't feel it and then you live in those default places right, that we build these stories and see they believe what I believe. But yeah, and we try to work for it. We try to work for our worth and that is just impossible because you're worthy as you are. And again, we're trying to meet someone else's expectations or prove something usually to someone else or maybe to ourselves. But even if we're trying to prove it to ourselves, it's because we're believing something some like we're missing the mark that we're short somewhere from something someone said when maybe we were Children.
So yeah, that's exhausting. It's exhausting. It is very exhausting and along with that one, this one you helped me with a few weeks ago on our podcast, you're welcome. But another lie if I'm not busy, I am lazy and I think that ties to I need to prove myself. And that was one, I love that because I think for many years I was extremely busy, extremely busy and I still try to I still try in a little busy nous, I just said no to a few things I know saying no left and right there will not be a completed christmas stocking for my granddaughter this year, who's 1.5, so she won't miss it, but it'll be done by next year. I'm giving myself another year now, but if I'm not busy, I'm lazy and I remember in my thirties my husband would tell me to slow down, you could see my pace and I said, well I'll slow down, you know when I'm in the hospital and sure enough I ended up in the hospital for three days with all my body basically shutting down on itself and that was a life turning point and I can still fall into that.
I can still, I feel like I should be busy, busy, busy. We think the opposite of that is being lazy. Some of us have even been told that we're lazy as Children, right, I know my brothers would tell me that I'm crazy all the time, but then now as I got older I realized, I don't think it was that I was lazy, I think it was just a lot of like childhood adversity, you know, a lot of things going on in our families and I think it was just kind of like in my shell, it was more of my coping and some people just choose to be still, I mean the bible does teach us to be still know that I am God, but somehow we feel like if I'm busy I will prove myself and show that I'm good enough for God, right? They're all intertwined these lies Really and we really will be criticized or judged, right? And that reminds me of in Luke 10 verse 41 and 42, I love this. I read this every December probably when it comes to the holidays because what happens during the holidays, the hustle and bustle and you and I were just talking earlier that this month seems to be the fastest month, right?
Because there's so many things going on holidays traveling. My daughter's birthday the week before. Um and so there's just a lot to do, so, but this has been super encouraging and it's jesus talking Martha Martha, we've heard that before, the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are really needed or indeed only one mary who is sitting at jesus feet, right, not doing, doing, doing as her sister was, but just chose to sit at jesus feet and be still mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her and I think with that comes a lot of trust, if we if we do that, if we choose okay, I don't have to be so busy because that's what leads to burnout and if we want to break the cycle of burnout and overwhelmed, we have to be less busy, but intentional about it doesn't mean don't be productive, right, It doesn't mean don't be wise with your time, but the business of it is sometimes we busy ourselves just because we feel we need to write, which is that lie, we can avoid a lot of emotions, I think for me I was so busy because I didn't have to deal with anything, right, I didn't have to deal with any real feelings that was going on.
Yeah, that's another great point, yeah, yeah, so, and I and that's been my theme scripture for the month of december, Only one thing is needed and I keep telling myself only one thing is needed, obviously there's many other things to do, I have to christmas shop and we've hosted one party and we've had people over, but overall that's what I keep focusing on, there's only one thing that's needed, you know, that's why I've been able to say no to certain things, it's like, nope, that's not going to happen and it's interesting because we were just talking about for me keeping busy, helped distract me and keep me not focused on what was really going on in my heart. And that ties to another lie which is as a christian, I should be happy all the time. So I think for me I felt emotions that weren't always happy you know, a lot of the time. And so then I thought well that's wrong. I should be happy all the time because I'm a christian and my name is written in the book of life so I should be happy all the time. And so when I felt feelings that weren't happy I just stuffed them and numb them out by being busy I'll just keep working.
I'll just keep working. That's good. I'm earning credits right? I'm earning bonus points being so busy. Another lie that will really hurt us interesting perspective because I go into my shell when I feel the negative emotions I numb out. But I don't busy myself. I like just stop doing anything. How do you not feel it? How do you not feel it because I watch tv or you're doing something? Yeah I watch tv listen to music. It's like music Oh my gosh music I would have on all the time. So I'm not like I'm listening to lyrics of songs and that you have to be wise right? Especially if you're feeling a lot of heavy emotions. But I yeah I would distract myself with that and just avoid what I was feeling. Or if I was feeling things, I would keep myself in that place in the negative feelings. But I would just keep saying like a lot of these beliefs, right? A lot of these negative, hurtful, damaging beliefs and I would just keep residing those things and it got me into depression many times, right?
And so I felt I would feel really horrible and shameful and just a lot of those things. But what it's it's not that we should be happy all the time, right? Like that's a goal. We want to experience more happiness and more joy, but we have to acknowledge that the uncomfortable, painful emotions are part of life and allow ourselves to sit with it and feel it and be able to process what's going on. Yeah. To be able to move on, right? And what would happen is we contend to think these emotions they're bad, right? I shouldn't be angry, I shouldn't be sad. I shouldn't be all these things I need to I need to do do and I need to be happy and I need to, you know, especially if you have Children or other people relying on you, right? I just keep pushing, keep going through, keep going through. But what happens is those emotions get stuck right? They get stuck in ourselves and they affect our bodies long term. It's pretty wild when you research that um yeah, it's this fallacy that we should feel happy all the time.
And it can also lead to toxic positivity, which we've talked about in the past, right? That's unrealistic. And nor were we meant to. I mean, I think about that scripture in Ecclesiastes e street, there's a time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. God created us to have all these emotions, a wide range of emotions to experience life. So it's normal that we're going to feel all these feelings. It's we don't want to be stuck in them, right? And we don't need to be happy all the time. I think the best thing I learned was years ago that life is 50 50.5 of it's going to be great and half of it's going to not be so great. So now when I feel discouraged or frustrated, I'm like, oh, it's in the 50% chance, I don't stay stuck there. I've learned how to process it and that's what we help our clients with. But I feel and it's okay, I don't feel any guilt or shame or should or shouldn't, it's just like, oh, interesting. I feel frustrated. And I've also learned that those feelings show me what I value. It's like, okay, the other day, I was in a small prayer group and one of the women said grief is the price you pay for love.
And I thought that's so powerful. You can't have love and a love lost without grief. And we wouldn't know the power of happiness or joy if we didn't also understand the intensity of sadness and frustration. So they have compassion to be able to comfort others. Yeah. How would we be able to know if we can't put ourselves in their shoes in on some level understand the pain that they feel. That really helped me understand, I don't have to be happy or joyful all the time. It's like I can be grateful no matter what, but I don't have to be happy and happy is related very much to our external circumstances. And of course you and I teach and share with our clients that are circumstances don't create our emotions Anyway. That's a point under this one. Neither does your husband have to be happy all the time or your Children have to be happy all the time. I had that same expectation right of them. And it was unrealistic. And then again, it would go into like I would take it personal, what's wrong?
Like I need to fix you? I need to fix your problem what I need you to be happy. So I could be happy, right? And we can't live in that place of just acceptance and peace because we feel like we need our circumstances change or other people's moods to change. And it really doesn't. You know, you can have boundaries in place which is great, but you also, it's important to allow others to experience their full range of emotions and it's not necessarily your responsibility unless there is something to be, you know, take ownership of your part. Yeah, that's another Yeah, that was really disempowering life for sure. And finally our fifth lie to stop believing is my past has made me who I am today. So now this is where we have to be careful because our past past definitely shapes who we are today. But it does not define who you are today. It does not have to make you who you are today.
You have that choice. We didn't have the choice of what we experienced growing up in different experiences, different situations, relationships, whatever our past was, we didn't necessarily have that choice. It happened, but it does not have to keep you stuck and to find out who you are and what kind of a person you are and how you show up in the world. Exactly. It does not have. We actually have more power. Yes, we do use those experiences for amazing things and we all know people who've had really challenging childhood experiences. I have a close friend that's been through one of the worst I've ever heard and yet she is one of the kindest, most generous, gentle women, she took her experiences and chose to live the opposite. You know, she learned what how that felt and turned it around and I think a lot of times this live my past defines me is almost an excuse. It's like it's another victim, like I'm a victim, this is what happened to me.
So this is how I am now because of what someone did to me or because of my experiences and it's a lie because, you know, the scriptures teach us we're a new creation and we know you and I know and teach that our minds, our ability to transform our lives were able to transform our lives by renewing our minds. So the minds of our childhood which weren't fully developed and can only process to survive with very limited knowledge and awareness. We're now adults, we have an active able prefrontal cortex, we can tap into that and create new thoughts that will transform our lives. We don't have to be victims of other people's, you know, abuse or imperfect upbringing, you know, I mean, who of us has had a perfect upbringing, I don't think any of us as parents were jesus, I know write me another lie to overcome. Yeah. And you know, thinking about when I was really living this one out, um I remember the clarity one day, it was as if I handed all my power to somebody else right?
And it was interesting because I was actually going through counseling at this time and my therapist wrote down the word power on a piece of paper and handed it to me like she was handing me back my price and it reminds me of that scripture in second timothy 17 that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power. Love and sound mind. Yeah, I love that. But power we have power to right? We have power over our thoughts. We have power over our choices. We have power over how we want to feel. And so taking our experiences from the past and using it to overcome even obstacles today, right? Maybe some of these lies and limiting beliefs that we have adopted right and truth, helping us overcome that, helping us break the cycle. So if we do have Children, you know, we can break that cycle and choose differently for them and help them be brought up in a loving secured home. Um and again, I'm going to say even with this when it comes to pass, especially if you've experienced certain traumas, one of the other sub lives that goes with this is no one else will understand.
No one understands what I've gone through and that's not true. Again, that is I remember when I finally started becoming more open about depression and um how I was feeling and some of the lies I was believing just about my role as a wife and a mom and just even as a person. Um and it was amazing how many women were like I struggle with that too. And I struggle with that too. And I was living so long in this lie that no one else understands what I'm going through and here maybe sally next door is probably feeling the same thing and when you bring it out you know to the light and then it's oh my gosh you too can not alone. And it makes us feel so alone right? And so when we get stuck in that place um well it makes us feel it can make us feel so alone, right? Absolutely. Well let's talk about some practical, we've kind of woven them in throughout but let's just break them down. So the first one is just becoming aware that the lie is a lie. Like the five we've talked about with some of the sub ones and I'm sure you can think of your own but they're just lies there, not truth.
And we don't need to believe them. We share a lot about romans 12 2 be transformed by the renewing of your mind. We have to make new thoughts you know and that's having a sound mind when we think about things that are from the bible, from scripture that helps us have a sound mind. You know we can get twisted beliefs from our external experiences with the imperfect. But once we use the scriptures, that's what I used. I mean for me like I shared earlier that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I had to leave, okay this is how I feel but that's not the truth. What's the truth? God says this, I'm going to choose to believe that and it doesn't happen overnight. It's not like you think at one time we spent years building these neural pathways right there, the default thinking, they're deep grooves in our brain. So those are the natural ones to go to. But it starts with finding some scriptures that speak to you that help you overcome the lie. You have to replace it, right? So you replace it with the truth and again, like you said, it takes time and it's going to feel like you're lying to yourself almost because you don't believe it.
But it's interesting because intellectually we do believe it. So I have the knowledge I should be feeling this or believing this, but once you are aware of that and you start reframing it and choosing to replace, okay, I'm going to choose to believe this instead. And then as you recite it over and over and over to yourself throughout the day, then it starts becoming more ingrained and then you then you really start feeling okay now and part of it is choosing bridge thoughts and those are thoughts that get us to the thought we want to believe. Like for me going from, I'm not good enough to I am fearfully and wonderfully made was fine. But another example is for some people that may be really struggle with their body. They may hate their body, right? So starting to say to myself are starting to have and you thought I love my body isn't super believable. So you have to have a bridge thought in between that. There may be several in between them. Where it bridges you from the thought that you currently have to the one you want to have and it might be just I have a body because that's completely believable.
I'm grateful for my body because our bodies do a lot. That's the next step where you can finally get to the point where you can say I love my body, you know, for whatever reason. So bridge thoughts are important. Their thoughts that are believable that are in between where we currently are and where we want to be. So, and what we do Claudine and I as coaches is that we help you with this. We help walk with you through this journey and this process because it can be hard, right? Sometimes it's like, I don't know what to replace this with or I don't know what I'm truly believing that might not be true. But when you have someone else who's trained and has, you know, experience has personal experience. Um what we do is we help you discover what those are right because we can't always tell you what they are. But as we talk with you, we learn more about you and we can help you peel back the layers and help you discover for yourself. Aha right, have your moment, This is the thought that's underlying my choices or my feelings or my actions right?
These are the thoughts, the lies that I want to reframe and I want to choose to think differently and replace and so that is why we're here again on this podcast even so we can reach as many women as possible, but also in our own individual coaching programs, what we do right with our group coaching that's going to be coming up and please stay tuned. We're going to have an episode on that to share more about what we do as coaches and in our programs. Um but it is an amazing tool, right? And again as christian women, sometimes we get a little confused as to, well I am a new creation but we still kind of get stuck in living that old way, that default way because we have no clue, we have no idea. We just know I don't really feel good and I'm not really feeling grateful and I'm feeling you know, either depressed or anxious and what's going on like shouldn't I feel the fruits of the spirit, right? That's what I remember. Um and so that's why we are here and we show up every week for you guys well we wish you all of this season's hope and peace and belief in all that is good and light and love until next time.
Alright everyone, thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the right side Bend Shine podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And while you're at it, share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Claudine Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over chaos dot com. Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember, ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life. Mhm. Yeah.