you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids. We have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise up and Shine podcast. Welcome back listeners to the Rise up and Shine podcast. Ashley and Claudine here and today I have a question for you, Do you ever feel confused? I think the answer to that is yes and for a lot of us it's a lot of the time, right? In fact I was confused about how to start this podcast laughing about them. I'm like I'm confused. What should I say, confusion is something that hits us all the time right? Absolutely. I don't know how many times I've caught myself saying, I don't know, I don't know especially when it came to parenting.
I don't know, I know exact, especially with parenting. I feel like when my kids were little, I was in a constant state of confusion and as an empty nester I found myself in that same state of confusion when they were all grown up and I was like now what now what am I supposed to do with my life? I've been doing this for 25 years and now my day to day responsibilities are gone and I was confused. I was confused for a while which led to overwhelming, we'll talk a little bit more about that, but I would thought I would define confusion, so confusion is a lack of understanding or uncertainty right? Or it's a state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something that's from the Oxford dictionary. So that is the definition of confusion in case you were confused about the definition well and I can definitely relate to this so much on many different levels, like I was joking about as a parent, right? I mean there's so many decisions to make in regards to parenting and what am I going to feed my kids and what type of parenting style am I gonna have and you know are my is my husband and I gonna be in agreement and on the same page, are we gonna work well together so many different things especially as our kids have gotten older, the discipline factor, you know, I mean you and I were just talking about even, what do we do if one of the kids doesn't like dinner, my husband and I might have a very different view so then I kind of throw my hands up, I don't know, I think what is underlying part of that is uh perfectionism and I know both and I have struggled with perfectionism and I get fearful and frozen when I feel like I might make the wrong decision, you know, or I might make a mistake or I'm gonna do something wrong and so I just what's easier for me is just to say, I don't know, rather than actually make a decision even, I mean, I've talked about this and joked about this to get on the podcast.
What's for dinner? I don't know. Yeah, it's too early for me to think about it before lunch. Yeah. Right? It's funny because I sent out an email this week to my subscribers and that's exactly what I talked about was indecision and that I don't know right? And we can fall into that so often. But when you think about confusion, um I like to think of it as an indulgent emotion, right? That it's something like chocolate, It's easy to feel it's okay to have once in a while, but it's not necessary useful, right? There's nothing wrong with feeling confused once in a while, especially that the bigger issues and it's normal. Yeah, it is normal and it's okay. But when we live in confusion, that's where the problem comes right? We live in confusion and overwhelm because it will lead to overwhelm right if we're confused and not making decisions and we're gonna be overwhelmed, which will lead to stress and anxiety. So that's why it's important to talk about it and how to get ourselves out of confusion, right?
I mean really, you hit it on the head, it's like if we don't allow ourselves to just make a decision, whether it's a big thing or a little thing, it just compounds and it's more stress and it's really procrastinating, it's putting things off for later, but then it adds on and adds on, it adds on and then we're overwhelmed because now we have so many things that we put off and did not make a decision um and it's just so much more stressed than we really need to be caring and we do that to ourselves when I realize that I am doing this to myself by procrastinating, making those decisions or just being stuck in the, I don't know, then my overwhelmed just got more and more intense and when I recognized that I was aware of that I was able to make changes, right? I remember just deciding, I am going to make a decision as often as I can, right? I'm not able to every time in the moment, but as much as I am able, I am just going to make a decision a yes or a no And it really eliminates so much stress.
I remember this even with my kids because my kids, they're 10 and 11, they ask a bazillion questions right? Even in the future, which stresses me out when I'm 13 or what do I have to be when I can watch like all the things in the future and I'm like, I don't know, I don't know because I can't answer them that you know, I can't answer in the moment, but I remember when my kids would ask me questions, I'd be like, um they're like, I know when you say um it ends up being a yes, it was, I mean, but it was so eye opening. I thought, oh my gosh, I do it all the time and then I was stressed out because now I have 10 answers, I have to give them today because they asked me 10 questions rather than just saying yes or no in a minute and then it's gone, right? Yeah, yeah. And confusion, it's it's kind of a state of being, but it's also an emotion, right? We feel confused, we feel overwhelmed.
And if you'd like to listen to our podcast long enough, you know that we teach that our emotions um come from our thoughts, right? So if we're feeling confused or overwhelmed, we have a mismanaged mind, right? There's nothing wrong with us. It's just our mind that we have to get back to managing, right? We have to manage our mind or train our brain, whichever way you want to look at it so that we can get out of that stuck place of confusion and overwhelm and move forward. Um is what is what does life look like without confusion, like? What does your life look like when you're not confused and overwhelmed and I can make decisions, what does it look like? There's a lot more freedom. There's not these looming answers I have to give, right, or looming decisions I have to make and it's, it's just less stress and I think that's what a lot of us, most of us, if not all of us are really craving yes stress. And I don't think we really understand how much stress we add on voluntarily, albeit unconsciously.
Right? So do not make decisions when we do not give a yes or no. Another thing that I realized that as to my stress is when I tell my friends, hey, we need to get together, let's try to get together the next couple of weeks. Hey, we and I do that with like five people and then it's like, oh my gosh, I have no time. I have to get back to this person and they texted me and I never, I, I'm confused And then if I don't respond because I'm so busy and I didn't see their message and then they're taking that as, oh my gosh, I haven't heard from her. Is she okay? So it's just a whole whirlwind. But we, a lot of times we just add it to ourselves, unnecessary stress. And if we just decide, hey, one in that situation, I've learned, I need to control my tongue and really be aware of my situation. Okay, I'm already feeling overwhelmed. I can't add on more.
As much as my heart wants to meet with my friends. I can't meet my friends in a week. It's just not realistic. At the same time, it's like just yes or no a simple yes or no and then let's move on. So good. I know. I think when I deal with confusion, when I decide not to be confused and I manage my mind, I feel so much more peaceful and confident, right? No matter the results like and confusions were stuck, we're really stuck. It's like you said, we don't know whether to say yes or no, do we go forward or backward? Do we go this way or that way right? And we end up being stuck and if we stay in confusion. So um deciding not to be confused and just to take action leads us to moving forward towards the life we really want no matter what. So, and it comes with peace and confidence and I really like that. So actually let's talk about some of the practical for getting out of confusion. Well one of the first things that's so helpful is to write down all the facts of the situation.
So if I'm confused about something like um where should we move? That was our big question about a year and a half ago, we weren't quite sure where we're gonna move what area we knew we were gonna stay in the same general area, but there were different neighbors, different price points and all that got very confusing. So I had to write down all the different options right down the facts. Like we can afford this, this is our max this is the area we want to be like no further than a radius. So we wrote down kind of the facts of it and that was really helpful, helpful to see it in writing as opposed to keeping it in my mind where it all swims around and becomes murky. Yeah, absolutely. So number two write down all possible decisions or outcomes. This was super helpful for me personally because when I was able to actually write it down and get it on paper, I can see it and I can make the wisest decision right? Knowing okay if I do this, what's gonna be the outcome?
Is it gonna be beneficial or is it gonna cause me to feel even more overwhelmed or if I say yes now what's the outcome of that? If I say no now what's the outcome of that? Really weighing the options but also just understanding what is the result going to be that comes from that decision and granted big decisions like where you're gonna move, you don't always know what the result is gonna be right, It's really stepping out on faith and kind of going with it and just feeling confident in your decision and whatever comes will come and we'll deal with it. But there are decisions where we can be aware of what the outcomes are gonna be if it's a very busy week and I know like I said kind of visiting with friends, you know, I mean there's a friend that I visit every other week, so to say, you know, as much as we can, but um if is it really realistic, can I do that? If I go visit this friend? How am I, how is the rest of my week gonna be, How am I gonna be feeling the next day?
And so those kinds of things, I can wait. I do know the outcome. I do know when I visit this friend, I'm up late the next morning, I'm usually a zombie. It might not be the best thing because I've got a lot going on this week. Maybe I have to reschedule for the following week, those kinds of things. The smaller things are a lot more easier to gauge what the outcome will be. That will help me or any of us make the wisest decision that will benefit us, right? Yeah. So good. The 3rd 1 is awareness of your emotions in the situation, like really get real like what's really going on, you made mention of it a little earlier. Like sometimes it's fear, right? Like fear of making the wrong decision. That's a lot lot of times where procrastination comes from and confusion is, we feel we feel we think we don't know what the right decision is. So we get confused. We don't know what we really want sometimes and um, but we're not aware of the true emotion that it could be fear.
It could be controlled. Like, especially for me with older Children, with adult Children, I don't have really any control over them anymore, right? They're adults. They're out of the house. That can create some confusion about, like, what I think is best for them. But you know, I get scared like, should I do this, or should I say this? Like, you know, I'm lucky that my oldest is who's a mom is a great mother, but I could see how it can be very tempting to want to give a lot of parental input to your and I'm not confused about this because I made decisions ahead of time, right? And that's part of getting out of confusion is making decisions ahead of time. But the awareness of the feelings like, really, there's a lot of control still left in me even with my adult Children, but I know I don't want to be that controlling mom, especially not with my adult Children, that's for sure. And it didn't work out so well with my teenagers. So, um but to get aware of the feelings that are really under there really address those.
Is it fear? Is it wanting to be in control? What's the deeper emotion that's underlying the confusion? Absolutely. Number four, take action a lot, like we've been saying, like, what Claudine just said, make a decision right, Don't get second. I don't know, I don't should I go left? Should I go right. Should I go up? Should I go down? Should I say yes, should I say no, don't get too fixated on the right thing to do. Just make a decision. Because how many times have we made a decision and maybe it was wrong, but we learned we were able to correct it and get back on course. So it does not mean that it's gonna be detrimental. We can always undo. So some of those decisions, you know, there's been times where, okay, this didn't work out. I need to kind of retract and try something else. That's okay. Our path is not going to be smooth sailing the entire time. So as long as we decide to make a decision and own it, then you'll feel more confident.
You'll feel more peace, definitely less stressed because it's not looming over your head. You know, I mean again, very simple and I've mentioned this many times on the podcast, but it really held a weight over my life and my piece is just dinner. What to have for dinner. I don't know and I would stress about it for hours. I mean it sounds silly, but it was true. It was my life as a mom, especially a stay at home mom. What am I gonna have for dinner and I had fred over it for hours. I don't know do we have everything rather than just make a decision because I was more in fear of is it gonna be a dinner everybody likes, you know that was a big thing was more performance based and more fear based right? If I even go dig dig a little deeper. So but really understanding and being aware of that kept me from making decisions. But once I was aware of that it forced me to just make a decision and own it and then I didn't worry about it so much, it just became so much easier and less less less stress.
My friends take action so true and the last the fifth practical that we have which in some ways should be the first that is pray, right is christian women is christian moms. How can we go a day without prayer and we're feeling confused or overwhelmed. There's nothing like praying to God to help us to help us straighten our paths. Like when I feel confused and I don't know what to do, I go, I pray oh my God, here's the decisions. I don't know what's best guide my steps, dressed my steps, leave me on the path that you want me to take. That always helps. And I think of James 15, it says if any of you needs with them, you should ask God for it. She will give it to you and I really believe that I've seen that I felt confused about the situation and didn't know which way to go left or right, straight or back prayer always seems to help because there will be more keys I find with one decision, obviously, you know, we're talking about writing down the facts of the situation and all the possible outcomes.
We're not gonna do that for something like dinner, what to have for dinner, bigger ones that's helpful and I don't necessarily need to pray to figure out what to make for dinner, although I've been known to pray for parking spots and that's pretty sure seems to serve those up. But really um in all seriousness for the bigger decisions and things we need to make that could, we could be confused about pray God will give us the wisdom, you'll give us the clarity we're seeking and then we can take action with peace and confidence. Oh absolutely. There's been times where there's a situation with my kids going on, I did not know how to handle it in the moment and I would just take a deep breath, I'd go outside, I'd sit in my little Tommy bahama chair and and I would just talk to God like, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle this right now, what is the best approach. Just tell me what I should do? Direct my steps and there was such a calm and peace that came over me and it was like, okay, do this, try this.
And I just remember, gosh, like just giving it to God, it does not have to be all on my own power. I mean that is what God is for. That's what the holy spirit is for to direct us. We just need to open that door and talk and open openly communicate trusting that God is at the other end, decision whatever outcome comes forth, he's at the other end waiting for us and walking with us through it. So yeah those are a lot of practical that have helped me with confusion and overwhelmed and I hope that some of some of you have gotten something out of this today. And as life coaches Ashley and I are here to help you come up with a plan. If you're feeling staff confused or overwhelmed you don't need to stay stuck. There is peace waiting for you until next time. Friends take care. Alright everyone, thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rice. I've been shine podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and while you're at it share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites you can catch Claudine over at Claudine Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over chaos dot com.
Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life.