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158 Finding Joy

by Claudine Sweeney
December 8th 2022
00:26:45
Description

I think it's safe to say we all would love more happiness in our lives but what about joy? Is there a difference between the two? Happiness is more dependent on our circumstances while joy is a muc... More

you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids. We have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright, This is the Rise Up and Shine podcast. Hello everyone and merry early christmas, christmas on the brain already, Claudine, oh my gosh, I know it's gonna be here before we know it well, I want to welcome everybody back to another episode here and speaking of christmas, the time of year has approached it is you know the countdown is on to christmas and there has been a very popular song that we all know and it just kind of sparked this idea for a podcast episode.

We all know the song Joy to the world well it really made me start thinking Joy, I think so many of us try to find joy in our lives and sometimes we kind of missed that mark. Where do we find joy? What's the difference between Joy and Happiness? How do I find it? How do I experience more of it? And I was thinking about just even those first two lines in the song Joy to the world for the Lord has come and it just really made me think that joy true, pure lasting joy really can only come from jesus Right, So anyways talked with Claudine, hey, I thought of this great podcast episode and so doing some research, I found this really great quote that I wanted to share and it's from Billy Graham and he said without God, life has no meaning, but with God at its center there is life and inner strength and peace. A deep satisfaction and unfailing joy known only to those who know jesus christ.

And I just loved that because I thought how he just summed it all up, especially based on my own experiences throughout life and especially more in recent years. So really trying to have more joy in my personal life and all of my roles. Right? Mom are wife, woman, friend, sister, all my roles. Uh I've been really trying to experience, I should say more joy in my life and I thought, gosh, like he really nailed nailed it on the head. It is all about who God is all about, who jesus is. That is how we can experience more joy. And so I just wanted us to be able to talk a little bit about it today because I know both Claudia and I have had our own personal experiences. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs that we've shared very openly here on the podcast and I think one thing that we learned that we want all of our friends to know who are listening is that we can experience this joy despite what we're going through in life and that is what was really powerful for me when I found this joy in God, I thought, oh my gosh, it doesn't have to be dependent on what's going on in my life, right?

I can have joy. I'm not always gonna feel happy and sparky and yeah, skipping down the street every day. But we can hold on to this joy, that is a much much deeper state of mind. Yeah, well, that and that's a good distinction because I think happiness to me is an emotion that is often based on our circumstance, right? So, we get good news, we're happy. We we go to a birthday party, we're happy, you know, different things bring our happiness, but it's temporary. It's circumstantial. That's the way I view it were joy to me, like you said, it's a deeper state of being, like, it doesn't matter what's going on in your you can still be joyful. And so there's a big distinction between the two, because uh, you know, our happiness again, it comes and goes, we're not gonna be happy 100% of time. You and I teach the 50 50 life is 50 50 right? The human experience is 50 50 50 good, 50 negative if you want to look at it that way.

And so we're not gonna be happy or joyful 100% of time. But joy is kind of a state of being. So you can go through a tough time and still dig deep and find joy. That's what I appreciate about this topic and why we wanted to talk about it because no matter where we are in life, we can find joy no matter what our circumstances. And I think as humans, our hearts long for joy, they long for joy and happiness were built that way. We're wired to seek it and crave it and we want to feel joyful, we want to feel that sense of happiness. So that is why we're talking about it today. Yeah. All the time. We want to feel it all the time now we understand that that's not realistic, that the human experience is not 100% happy and joyful, but when we sink into that deep, deep state of being that joy then it doesn't really matter what goes on around us. Yeah. You know, I was also thinking about in the bible where it talks about for the joy set before him, he endured the cross and that I kind of camped on that for a little bit and I thought gosh!

Like the joy set before him. So jesus knew what was lying await for him when all was said and done. And so that was also just motivation to keep pushing through that extremely painful, challenging, hurtful. I mean all those words right time and experience that he went through for us. And so it really got me thinking that when I go through certain challenges and hardships, knowing that there is good that God is working on throughout the situation or the circumstance that I'm not aware of yet. But it allows me to put my trust and my hope in him knowing that he is working everything out for the good and I just need to rest in that, I just need to rest in that trust and that hope in God. And I just, I really thought, I mean that is where the true joy comes from, because I remember a specific situation actually about six months ago and it was a time where I remember just kind of sitting in the backyard by myself thinking about the situation going on and I was kind of laughing to myself, I was, it was not fun.

I was experiencing hurt and sadness and disappointment, but simultaneously, I was also experiencing joy because I had this deep feeling that I knew God was working it out. I just had to wait and be patient and not fight, not kicked, not screamed, just wait. And I just remember, and and he did, he totally worked it out. It was nothing. I said nothing, I did. It was all worked out the way that God had planned that and I just had to put my trust in him and I just remember how I mean, we can experience pain and hurt and disappointment and joy at the same time. And that's where I mean, it kind of made that distinction for me. I was not happy, definitely. I was not feeling happy in that moment. I was feeling all those other things. All those other negative emotions, right?

The dopamine and serotonin dopamine and serotonin, right? Is that the was not really pumping through my body at the time, But I still had that joy just knowing it'll work out, it'll work out. And so, having that mindset is what we want to encourage you, our friends who are listening right now, that the joy really rest in who God is and less about who we are or what's happening in our life. Yeah, actually, I mean, that's that's the heart of it, right? It's not about our circumstance, You know, we talk a lot about that. We talk a lot about our thoughts and our circumstance and the truth of it is we can be going through a really hard time. The holidays can be a time that are difficult for people. There is a lot to be joyful about a lot of people will be reunited with family, they are going to see their loved ones. It's there's a time of merriment, like we just, I just came back from a party a a little bit ago and it's so much fun, right? But what about when times are tough?

What about when you're missing someone, When someone, this is your first holiday without someone. How do we still find joy during the hard times because again, it's it's easier to be happy. It's easier to find joy when life is good, right? That's not a problem. It's how do we find joy? How do we dig down deep and feel that feeling of joy? Which joy also is a state of being? But it's kind of that sense of delight of bliss, of great pleasure. To me, it's almost a deeper, stronger emotion than happiness. Um So how do we find joy? How do we seek joy when things are tough? And so we have to look again that it's not about our circumstance. So we have to look at okay, well, let me think about my thoughts. What am I thinking? What are the thoughts that are going through my head? What are the senses in my head that I'm telling myself, and just like what you said that, even though things were tough for you at that time, you still felt joy one because your thoughts were centered on God and what he could do, right? Not on the negative situation or the circumstance or the painful problem.

Right? A lot of times our focus is centered on the painful problem and when we keep our eyes fixed on that, it's gonna be really hard to find joy. But when we change those thoughts and we can reframe them and think, OK, but what what is God trying to do in this? Or I know for me even like, some of the hard times, it's just knowing I'm going to get to the other side of that and I can find joy in that, like, okay, one day I'm gonna be on the other side of this, and there's some joy in that. There's some peace in that. At the very least there's peace. I might not be feeling blissful about the difficult circumstance, but joy to me kind of comes with piece too. I see it as a deeper, more stable feeling than happiness. Happiness seems so light and evaporative to me. So that's what I think. When things are tough, we have to look at, what am I thinking? What are the thoughts where my centering my focus? If I want to find joy, what am I keeping my eyes fixed on? And that's such a good point, and that's even another scripture, right?

Think of all things lovely and pure and noble. Um and I was thinking as you're talking that it's a choice, it's a choice we have cause I, I or any of us in this situation can think of all the negative and sometimes this is even a daily battle. This is daily. I have to choose my conscious thoughts, right? I have to choose what do I want to feel? What should I be thinking to allow me to feel more of that, even though it might be a tough situation, but it's making that choice, I can focus on the negative, I can focus on the hurt, I can focus on the disappointment. I can focus on the frustration or the anger and the situation that's happening or how this relationship is experiencing a lot of conflict um or how someone did me wrong. Yeah, I can tend to focus on that or I can focus on this happened. What what can I do about it?

Can I do anything about it? Is there anything I can own up to? Is there maybe having compassion on? Gosh, I hope they're doing well. Maybe it's just a reflection of where they're at. You know, just kind of just have this different perspective and sometimes it kind of takes us stepping out of it in a way and looking at it from an objective perspective, making the choice. You know, hey, I am choosing to have compassion on this person or I am choosing. Maybe it's even if it's the holiday time is a challenge. Maybe I can create new traditions, things that I want to experience right for the holidays or what have you. But it really does. Being conscious and being aware and making those decisions that that will lead you more towards feeling joy and less dependent on your situation. Exactly. Well, let's talk about some of the practical that we can find Joyce.

I'll start with number one, I think one of the most important one, this is something I've learned to do and it's really helped me so much. It's to pause and savor like you know, there's certain moments where you just feel joy. Like it just overtakes you five times if I've seen a beautiful sunset or for me, a lot of them happen in nature or if I'm with my family or really close friends and we're just really enjoying something special together. I just kind of stopped and just really take just a few seconds to savor it, right to just kind of sit back, be fully present, not thinking about anything else. And just kind of almost take a mental photograph like uh and and get in touch with what I'm feeling like. Obviously I'm feeling joy but the peace, the joy reid really acknowledge when I'm feeling and almost take like a mental photograph of it and it sticks with you and that's been huge and increasing my joy because once it's there, you can always go back to it. Like when you wanna feel joy again, even through maybe when it's tough times, you can think back to that time.

Your brain doesn't know if you're in the present or in a memory, it doesn't know like if you call that memory, your brain thinks it's happening right now. So you can feel that same emotion again. And I love that there's certain times, most of mine are in nature, but or with the kids and the grandkids and I just really savor that moment I'm fully present and I just record it. I try to record it all myself so that I can always go back to it. So I love that pause and savor another one is serving or selling acts of kindness. This is really helpful for our hearts and it helps us to just do something nice for other people and kind of takes us out of our situation, whatever challenging sit situation we might be going through and do something good for someone else and it could be hard to do that. I remember you and your husband have both encouraged my husband and I when we were going through challenging times in our marriage, try to find another couple that you can help us.

Like there's no way I'm gonna do that. I have nothing to offer. But it really does. You know, when we stop and help someone else, it does put things into perspective. One it helps share the humanity. Hey, we all go through stuff, you know, so I'm not feeling it's all just on us and nobody understands and secondly, it's being able to do something for someone else. Just god breeds this joy that comes, you know, into your heart. Like wow, I can help somebody else. And again, kind of taking ourselves out of just focusing on all our problems. Is one way to create that joy and feel more of that joy. That's really good. Yeah, there's so many studies that show how serving, volunteering and doing acts of kindness, increase our happiness increase all the good, positive neurotransmitters and um yeah, I mean it's an easy way to find joys by serving and giving to others and doing random acts of kindness or not.

So random acts, another practical number three is connect with nature now I've already shared, that's one of mine. That's kind of my yeah, I know you and I both and it's funny because my husband would always say you don't even like being outside. He says that to me all the time. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I think when my kids were real little I didn't love being outside because I was working. Yeah, it was more work and I was working in, there was laundry and dishes and cooking, it's like, and I have a fear of playgrounds. So I never liked taking my kids to playgrounds because I was just so fearful that they would get hurt. So um there wasn't a lot of outside activity um with my kids, but as they've grown older, I love being outside. In fact last week I was walking and on my walk, I noticed this vibrant red tree like really big and like so vibrant and the sun was shining so it made the color even bolder and I didn't take a picture of it. I wish I had, but I didn't, so the next day I was going to go back because I was like I need a picture of this tree.

It's so beautiful. Like it sparked so much joy. Like I just was in awe of this tree because the color, I just hadn't seen anything like that and we're not even back east, we're just in northern California, you and I, but I was just in awe of this tree and then the next day it was pouring rain, so I was like, okay, that's not so we've had rain the last few days, so now I'm hoping they still has leaves on it. Like come on, please let there be sun tomorrow and I can go to and they're still leaves on it. But connecting with nature for me, the beach was always a huge thing when I lived in southern California, probably one of my biggest ways to just feel completely joyful and in peace no matter what's going on in my life, as long as I could go lay down on the sand or sit or whatever at the beach, I just felt such joy and peace. Yeah, it almost just wash, wash is this piece over you? Yeah, that's a wonderful experience and I personally think it's because we're focusing on something much bigger than us.

Yes, you know, it's pretty wild but super grateful for that. Another one. Number four would say practice daily gratitude active gratitude list. Whether that's 123 things or if you feel really inspired more than that, but just focus on the good, right, focus on things that you're grateful for. I know we've talked about this many times, especially after just celebrating thanksgiving but having a habit of practicing gratitude keeps our minds again. Like you said Claudine fixed on the good, fixed on the positive because when we're kind of stuck in our um negative situations or circumstances that might be going on, it's easy to, it's easy for us to only see that it's easy for us to only see the negative. So if we are intentional about finding a few things that we're grateful for, it could be even sitting around the table and maybe with our kids, let's go around and say one thing that we're grateful for something like that could be on your way to work.

It could be in the morning just praying to God about two or three things you're grateful for. It could be journaling whatever it is. Even you like you said just stopping and being in the moment and just telling yourself for telling God how grateful you are how for this beautiful vibrant red treat. Yeah, you I needed to see this today. Thank you something like that. Right? Just focusing on things that we are grateful for helps offset some of the negative emotions that we could be feeling. Yeah, 100% gratitude is so powerful. We just did a whole month micro course and the courage club on the power of gratitude. So so powerful. Well and lastly our last practical number five pursue your passion and so I know when our kids are young, sometimes we feel like we don't have time to pursue our path or sometimes we think that they are a passion. I know a lot of, a lot of moms, their kids are their passion, right and nothing wrong with that, but I'm an empty nester and so now they're all grown and scattered over three different states.

So, um, you know, it's been time for me to find some new passions, new things to pour myself into And you know, it's been obviously, I love my business and that I'm passionate about that, but then I was like, well I need to start some hobbies to something else because I don't want to work, you know, 15 hour days that does not excite me. Um, as much as I love what I do and so what I started connecting with recently was just getting back in touch with my French roots, you know, I started missing my mom and I was like, I don't hear the french language anymore because my mom was french and spoke french all the time and so I don't hear that anymore. My dad speaks french, but when we speak, he just speaks in english. But um, so I started doing dual lingo, I was like, I'm gonna start doing that 15 minutes a day. So I get up a little early and I started listening, I started working on that. I'm like, I'm gonna re master this. So that was my first language and I've lost quite a bit of it, but it's been fun reconnecting. I'm having a lot of fun with it and do a lingo, makes it fun, it's kind of like a game, and so I'm always like trying to win, you know, my competitive side and then um I know at church this week they said we're gonna have an international potluck, and I leaned over to my friend, I'm like, I'm gonna bring something french, you know, and so it's, it's been fun to kind of reconnect with my roots and I know next year we're hoping to visit France and it's just something I'm really passionate about is getting back in touch with my roots.

That's great, that's great. I know one for me that I actually haven't done for quite a little bit, but is writing, I love writing and it is definitely a passion, I feel it's a gift that God gave me, but I love being able to write and whether that's journaling or writing a blog or, you know, an email or different things, but that helps me to kind of explore my passion a little bit. So again, I feel like if we just bring a little bit of more of that passion into our lives that also helps breathe some of that joy that we feel, and even if it's just like one thing, I started doing 15 minutes a day like you said 15, that's all I do realistic. That's doable. You can commit to. It's not totally unrealistic and out there but something simple to start and then maybe even if you have more time you can add five extra minutes or whatnot. But yeah the consistency of it, you know the consistency then it's something you look forward to and really helps breed that joy.

Yeah. Yeah it's so funny. You know you're passionate about something when you get lost in time. Like you're like oh my gosh was that just 30 minutes? Because that is that's what I give myself 15 minutes every morning and sometimes I'm like 30 minutes because I'm like I want to do the next lesson so I don't know if you have a passion for tv. Yeah I do have a but I think that's a whole nother issue that's probably what I do when I'm tired or I don't want to deal with something, let's just go watch tv. That's not a passion. But yeah so you know you're passionate about something if you lose track of time, that's how you can tell and you do find joy when you're doing something you love you feel that joy like everything else around you could be falling apart but you're doing something that makes your heart flutter. I love that and I love decorating. It's so funny. I was just having this conversation with someone today because I am passionate to about decorating. But my house is all done like it's all done and so now my daughters were here last week for a couple of weeks ago for thanksgiving.

I'm like maybe I should tear out the walls in my office, mind you, this is a brand new, this is a year old house. My daughters are like, no mom, you're just bored like your office, you don't need to tear down walls in your office. And I was like, yeah, you're right. But I love home projects. Like I love them. Like I could spend all day in home depot, like most women do not like that, but that's my thing. I could hang out in the lumber area in the hinge area in the door knob area all day. I love it, but our house is done so and we can't move. My husband forbade me to start looking at new houses so there you go. So I'm pursuing my french passion. Yeah, I'm like, I better keep my marriage intact. I can't beg him to move again. So anyway, but yeah, those are some of the practical that can really help help us find joy by enjoying day to day life and you know it really is the small things, it's not the big, big things that we think is what it's gonna take sometimes, you know, like I was sharing with you earlier sometimes it's just I was driving over a small bridge over a river and my husband just stopped and I just mentally took a picture of the sky and the river and the breeze and the smells and I just savored it.

And it's still such a strong memory in my head. Like every time I think about it just makes me so joyful. All right, Ashley, Well, I hope you all have enjoyed this episode on finding joy in your everyday life and it is a time of joy to the world and all of that good stuff. And we hope you have a very joyful holiday season until next time. Take care. Alright, everyone, thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rise up and shine podcast if you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button. So you never miss an episode. And while you're at it share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Claudine Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over chaos dot com. Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life

158 Finding Joy
158 Finding Joy
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