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Be Willing to Fail. Perfectionists Unite! with Michelle Boulé

by Christina Rivera
August 17th 2021
Michelle Boulé is a Transformational Life Coach, Healer, and Dancer who helps compassionate creatives all over the world clarify and manifest their visions with more confidence, impact, and alignment ... More
Welcome to savvy business life Unscripted with your host, Cristina Rivera, where our guests share their wisdom and valuable business tips empowering our audience to expand their personal potential. Hi Michelle, welcome to Seven Broadcasting Life Unscripted, I'm so grateful to have you here today. How are you? I'm doing great, thank you. I'm really honored to be here. I'm honored to have you here too. You are a doing wonderful work out. There is a transformational life coach healer, you've been international dancer for many years. That's what attracted me when I saw all of your beautiful pictures of you dancing around the world. I have a special place in my heart for dance, I love dance uh specifically Flamenco. Um but you've also done energy healing and mindset psychology, all that good stuff, but you're going to bring some great wisdom to our audience on being willing to fail and perfectionist. You unite because some people have that tendency to be perfectionists but they let it stop them from being their biggest baddest, explosive self.

So welcome, thank you so much. I am excited to talk about this message to because in my coaching and healing work with individuals and groups, it's we need to learn how to overcome this tendency to really step into the things we're called to do to be have while we're here to share with me your perspective where is the whole idea of perfectionist kind of getting so wrapped up in being a perfectionist that they don't like expand fully. Where does that come from? Well, you know, there's there's this desire to do things right and where that can come from. Oftentimes is we weren't allowed as kids to make mistakes or you know, we might have had a parent who is very loving or a teacher or someone some authority who said that there's a right way to do this. And when I, when I'm working with clients, because the only reason I can say this is because I know it, you know, we know about this topic and what happens is it could be so subtle, but if the parents like that's not the way you do it, you know, and there's a little bit of an energy and that that makes a child feel like, oh, only dad knows how to do this.

Like, and then am I doing it right? When I get criticized by dad and as a child, your parents or whoever is raising you is your safety. And you know, if, if a parent gets upset when you're not doing things the way they want you to the child's like, okay, well let me just figure out how to do it that way and there's for perfectionist I've met and for myself, you know, I have very loving parents, but even as an adult, I was like, oh, sometimes there was really a right way to do it. There wasn't my way and what happened is a person never learns, here's my way, I'm going to write my name, the letters are backwards. This is a child. I don't know how to spell it correctly and that's okay and it's part of a trajectory of a journey of eventually I'll know how to write my name or I'll figure out the way to cut with the knife that suits the way or actually right with penmanship. So when I was young, I, you know, we had a penmanship teacher named dr tufo and you know, I always held my kind of have a country here, I always kind of held it like this, you're supposed to hold it like this with only one finger on the, you know, a couple of so it's just kind of like, am I doing it right?

And yeah, you know, so it's it's basically about winning approval and the way a person can really overcome that is that they start to realize that that approval is within already. Yeah, it's amazing. And I think this comes from many different areas where we're growing up, it could be a teacher or people we play with on the street and and for me, you know, I think we put ourselves into teeny boxes sometimes without realizing that we got to stay in this box and through that and I know for myself I lost touch of who I am, what is my greatest gifts, my talents and I had been working many years ago with an energy healer and was amazing. She worked on me and the first thing she said to me what's coming up over and over and over and over again is I'm getting that you're not living speaking and being your truth. I'm like well what does that mean? Years later I found out it was doing this show part of it. Part of it was doing the show. Yeah. But you know sometimes kind of releasing all of these like boundaries we put on ourselves as we grew up and we take on different things is what begins to release and find for ourselves our greatest gifts and how we can expand that into the world.

Yeah, I 100% agree. And it's actually reminded me of um I did of course earlier this year called creative people making money because I do feel like for a person to be able to align with being able to channel that abundance and prosperity and also then give it into the world. For me it's a deeply spiritual practice, but I had an artist in there who at the end of the course she said, you know, it's amazing to just see how small we keep ourselves and this is a woman who I know she already is, but she's going to have a big impact on the world and be able to even claim that like to claim that Expansiveness. You know, it's when when when we were taught like you're not supposed to have a radio show, you know, like whatever it is, you're not supposed to be an artist, like you want to be a person who wants to be a teacher, well you're be a doctor and then it's like there's so there can be so much confusion about who am I, what am I here to do? Instead of like I heard you you say this, maybe in another interview, you know, to ask the person asked the child, who are you, what are you, what do you, what are you interested in?

Great, let's explore that. Exactly. Exactly. And like we were saying, uh just before earlier that sometimes the innate abilities of the child would just come out because they'll be drawn to wanting, oh I want to play with train, oh my God, I love train. My my husband just came home the other day and said a friend of ours has a child and he just loves cars, he puts them in order, he has a million different cars in different colours and he knows the make the model, everything that goes into that car, that dude is going to do something with cars and he loves it. It's like what he's here to do and I think we can all do that fine innately what we are here to do and what gives us the greatest joy we will, if we expand it and give it to the world, we, we will be prosperous but we have those blocks that stop the prosperity from your perspective, what is, where is that coming from? Why does that happen? Because money is a tool? But there's something funky that goes on around the idea of money and giving our goods away and getting value or giving value in getting something in return. Yeah, it's a great question.

I mean the first thing that I like to emphasize if I'm helping a personal client or doing group work where I'm helping a person channel that prosperity um is to, as you said, to see it as a resource and we give meaning to a lot of things. And if if a person were to take one day and just look at what are all the messages they are either thinking or that they're hearing around money that's too expensive. I don't have the money for this. Um you know, people with money are like this and you know when you, when a person starts to open up that awareness, it's kind of amazing to see, you know this is this is going back to the child before you're seven, you can't reject anything, you were told about anything. So especially around prosperity, if you were given messages like salespeople are slimy um this person is going to rip you off. Well, people with money are like this, that program is in there and that person will have unless they consciously tend to that they will have a hard time being able to find that resource and being able to channel it.

And a beautiful message that is actually in the book, the science of getting rich. Is that a person to live a prosperous light or a full life needs to know how to make money and you know, talk about perfectionism also like what I'm teaching people how to do sales if a person, um, you know, sales is a service and if a person is rejected, which is going to happen over and over in doing sales, you know, that can hit the core wound that says, I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy. And the beautiful thing about learning how to do sales is that the more you can be in that space and be rejected and realize you're okay, the stronger you are in yourself to be able to say, you know what, no matter what I am here to do, what I'm here to do and I'm here to serve and I'm going to find the people who this will benefit. It's kind of funny that we're going into sales and prosperity and the protectionist conversation, it's so it runs in the given because a lot of people feel like I'm beating myself up and I hear from so many entrepreneurs, I'm working hard, I'm working hard, I'm making 100 sales college or whatever it is, but they feel like they're working hard and they're being perfectionist, but they're not getting the result.

And I think it starts with what you're talking about, which is they're letting these blocks get in the way. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you're doing a sales call and you're trying to get something you might be, you might have the most amazing product and you're a beautiful person. But if that little twinge of energy comes in that says, how can I get something, person will feel that, you know, and it's just if there's a real purity and I feel like I learned this beautifully from my mentor, I'm here to serve. I'm here to connect to the people that I'm here to serve money and opportunities come from God or spirit through people, right? Yeah. That is such a great, Yeah. I don't know if you work with my mentor to mind. David Nagle. Is that your mom? I got mine too. Yeah. I was like, yeah, it sounds just like David Nagel. Yeah. Yeah. But it's so true because you get stuck on the idea that, you know, I have to wait for this client. And I've had that experience where you're talking to someone and you're like, I'm not going to think about the money. No, But but you're thinking I gotta pay this rent.

I gotta do this. And then you let that get in the way of you just serving and realizing that God will take care. And it's a release and I've gone through the process myself and it's still an ongoing problem ali boom, I got there. It's all over like as a practice. Exactly. Exactly. But you know, I love this chat because you know, perfection. Another thing that's coming from me about the idea of perfection is it changes what my best is. Today is not what my best was a year ago or even 10 years ago. I listened to the first broadcast I did on savvy. It makes me want to run, you know, hide under the table and not let anyone listen to it because that was my best then. But now, over more than 1000 interviews, I'm a little better I'd say at doing this. But that goes to say with perfection, it's an illusion. Sometimes I think we put ourselves in the box because its ever changing as we grow. Yeah, I mean I agree. We didn't, I like to say to my clients like you know, an opera singer didn't come out of the room singing arias, you know, or the comedian wasn't like, you know, how many times did the comedian have to tell a bad joke to realize, okay, this is actually how to tell the good joke and um you know, just like, like you're saying it's a practice and, and the more you can be in the space of, you know what I'm going to put this out in the world.

Like 11 example I thought of before we were doing this call is I remember doing some social post videos and I'm like, wow, that was a great video. I'm ready to post it. And I'm like, I have a big piece of lettuce in my tooth or something. You know, it's not that you can't see that great, but I'm like, you know what, I'm not going to care about this, I'm just going to post this because it's a good video. And if the person really wants to be like, oh my God, she has led us in her teeth. Probably not the person that I want to connect to, you know, and I think even, um, you know, as a dancer, you get all these messages about your body needs to be a certain way. And of course last year during the pandemic, I'm sitting on my butt a lot on zoom calls and all the things and not moving in the way I used to and do I? Okay, so then my mind goes well, oh, I look too fat in this video. And it's like, what? Post the video? Because this is going to give something to someone. If I'm thinking about myself, I'm not in that place of service. Yeah, Yeah. It's an ever, you know, and you've got to catch yourself. It's an everyday process. And I think that's another thing our, our culture gets into that, you know, and David talks about this too though.

When do I get there? He said, if you're thinking about, when do I get to the end of this journey? That's not what you want to be thinking, this is a life journey that we're growing as people and you're growing your purpose or your gifts and talents in the world isn't like I got, there were all done now. You never want to get there because then you're going to die. No, but you always want to be expanding. And how can you do that and always see that what my perfect is with my best today? Yes. And you know, actually in my newsletter last week, I, the subject of the newsletter was you now have a lifetime membership, you know, to remind people that yes, this is a lifelong process. And, you know, one thing I see my clients struggle with sometimes because I do work with a lot of high achievers is they set themselves up to not do enough or, you know, it's like they give themselves way too many things to do in a day, so they can never meet the goal. So that's one way, it's like, here's an opportunity to, you know, the subconscious mind. I know, you know, a lot in there. Um, you know, but then also for them to discover what is your best today, because that's the standard that I think, you know, as we heard, David say, like, only, you know that, so if a person is still living by that external approval of like, is this what my teacher would have approved of?

Is this what might ultimately one of my parents who whoever raised me would have approved of. And it's like, you know what, I'm going to take this authority today, I'm going to rest and I'm going to do a great job resting or today I'm going to do these sales calls, worked on the copy, whatever it is. And I'm actually going to do it. You know, so, and then it's like we kind in that process in that action were able to gauge, okay, this, this honestly was my best. Maybe I didn't reach my goal yet, but I'm still going to give it my best tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and the gold. Yeah, exactly. And what you mentioned is not being absolutely perfect. I think that's one thing people are absolutely craving for, uh, you know, your, your client or your potential clients is that people don't want this perfect, glamorous looking thing on facebook or social media, that looks perfect because they can't relate that to that. And often most of time it's not real. You know, so the lesson the teeth. That's real. That's what we're going to. Kids screaming and hollering around you. That's real. Okay. I'm doing the sales call. I got kids okay there in the house. Okay.

But they can relate that they can be respectful of that because they know you're not, you're not trying to pull the wool over their, their eyes because you're being real. Yeah. And I think, you know, just to even accept that, you know, we're all in the process, no one hasn't figured out. And you know, it's just what a relief it is to feel. That's what's awesome about this past year. By the way that I have to mention, I add said earlier call today that, you know, before Covid, I was going to these really expensive boutique gyms and I enjoy it. But what's awesome about being off this past year that connected with people online? We've done these workouts together and I've actually gotten better in touch with my body, um, bitter, healthier with other people. And it's like, we didn't need fancy gym memberships. We just need to connect in a way that was real and we're sweating. We're not looking pretty. But the thing is we didn't need to and now I'm noticing people are like, liking that more. We don't need the fancy stuff. We just need to get together and just do it.

Yeah, I mean, I think the word that's jumping out for me and what you're saying is connection. Yeah, that's what we're craving. And, you know, if we go back to this theme of perfectionism, it's like we're losing the connection with ourselves, we're losing our connection with spirit. It's all here rather than, you know what I'm a okay right here right now and from that place, let me connect not from the places, I'm not enough. Yeah. And that this wonderful time has been a great year of reflection if you can't, you know, if you've been times where you can't leave the house. All right, I can't work right now or whatever. It's given a lot of my friends time to really reflect, Okay, what do I really want next? All right. I don't really like this or what do I want to move to next? I know this happened for me and it can be a wonderful time of expansion and growth. I agree. Yeah, yeah, this has been, that was but I don't want to leave without people finding out how they can find out more about you and work with you. How can they do that? Okay, so people can go to Michelle and I have a free audio called real line towards your dreams and you can download that audio. It's a 15 minute audio, a short practice in there and that's a great way to just start to figure out or listen to how I'm working, how I'm guiding people.

Also, you can follow me on instagram Michelle dot facebook Michelle linkedin. Um you know, just follow those connections in there. I love sharing content and support with people. Um I have a monthly subscription program if people want to join that. Also, it's a beautiful group of creative entrepreneurs, spiritual, creative heart centered beings all in a in a space of coming into wholeness healing and growth to be able to share what they're here to share. That's awesome. And you know, I was curious, I heard that you had drew over 20 years experience in the practice of somatic therapy. I was like, what is that? I'm curious. Yeah, I know as a dancer so mad, you know, it means of the seller of the body. So, you know, as a dancer, this is a great story is I got injured, an injury is actually what led me, I mean, talk about not being perfect injury is what led me to the path, the path I needed, the journey I needed to take. So it was through experiencing physical injury. One of the first ones was just tendonitis in my ankles that I started to, you know, at first it was pt where they say, okay, this is how you need to work your ankle.

And then, and then I was like, just in college in the dance program, I was in starting to expand to a more holistic picture. So just like how does the body move, how does this expression of being able to reach? I'm going to reach for this pen here, reach for this pen, take it and bring it into me. It's bodied experience relate to how I interact in my life. So there's, I had a moment where I was working with a therapist, movement therapist and had to reach for a ball and bring it towards myself and it was so hard to just bring it towards myself and that's steve ng. So one of the ways I work with my clients also is because I've had so many like 40 years of dancing in me and over 20 years of studying the body and its function and the stories that are told through the body, you know, for someone to be able to receive touch or to be able to really big thing in and digest it that can be related to, are you letting yourself receive the connection, the money that you want in your life, that you feel that in your body?

Well, that is so deep. Many years ago I had been in a spiritual retreat and one of the things they had to do, the first exercise was hug everyone around you. I was like no strangers. I don't think so, no, but it was such a relieving exercise because I never at that point in my life I didn't hug strangers. So it was very uncomfortable. Like I don't want to hug strangers, but you know, I love that you're talking about movement because so much of our body, we become disconnected too and the non receiving of others love and as you said prosperity and it's just so much in there. So yeah, I was wondering if that was, I thought I had some maybe to do with dreaming, but no, not dreaming so much. Well, you know, one thing I do, I'll just share this quickly is in my monthly subscription program. I have a movement practice called Moving Within Eight wisdom. So it's a very open movement practice which I guide people through verbally, but there's no set movements, but it's like, it's a time and space for you to feel it wants to move through you, whether that's emotions that have been stuck, that you can be present with them as they move through you, whether it's like, you know, I can feel this in my body.

Like I'm embodying the power that you need to make the cell to feel the confidence to let yourself feel joy. And it's a totally low stakes, no stakes practice of doing it in a safe container and then that will translate itself into the rest of your life. So I do bring movement. That's one of the unique things about the way I work. I have that history of somatic practices, of performance, of movement and I know that's part of the gift that I'm here to share and help people find that in their bodies and lives too. That's great. Well Michelle, uh how do you say it again, bully? Okay, Michelle, thank you so much. It's been such a blessing having you here today on cyber broadcasting. Thank you for sharing all your wisdom today. Thank you. Thank you Christina for having me you betcha like subscribe and share this episode. So to listen to more savvy episodes and savvy biz tips go to www dot Life Unscripted radio dot com to find out about our paid sponsorship opportunities or how to become a guest, email, Christina at life Unscripted Radio dot com.


Be Willing to Fail. Perfectionists Unite! with Michelle Boulé
Be Willing to Fail. Perfectionists Unite! with Michelle Boulé
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