The Marissa Rehder Show

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Ep. 59 Savoring the Stage You're In

by Marissa Rehder
May 26th 2022
In this week’s episode, Marissa is interviewing a fellow coach, Jenna, to talk about how how to savor the stage you're in. Jenna ishares so many insights and  gives you tangible tips for how to remain... More
you're listening to the Marissa raider shell, I'm a mom of three farm wife and creative entrepreneur who thrives on helping dreamers endures make the most of their God given talents, you can consider me your newest BFF who will be in there to cheer you on and give you practical tools to use in your business and your life all while empowering you in your faith, providing you with hard truths and motivation to get you chasing your dreams. I am bringing you actionable tips to uplevel your life and business as a busy mom and believer, I'll share laughs and encouragement with you as you chase after your God given dreams, I believe that you've been given this one life and purpose for you to live out and if you're ready to be the rockstar, you're meant to be then you're in the right place. Let's get started. Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of the Marissa raider show. I am super excited to have my friend Jenna on today, she is one of those people that I have told you about before that I prayed you know for for years and she just showed up and it just felt so good and so right and I knew that I'd introduce you to her so here she is and I'm gonna let her her do her thing.

Hi, Well, I am so excited, that was very kind of you and I feel very blessed that our paths crossed as well and so I feel super honored to be a part of your show, I love what you're doing, I felt instantly connected with you when I listened to your podcast and again when you and I have just chatted so thank you so much for having me today. I am Jenna Klopfenstein and so I live in columbus Ohio, I am a mama of two boys, so Jacob is 4.5 and Jonah is just over one. I am married to the most incredible man, he's actually a high school math teacher and he also owns a couple of his own businesses. So he's pursuing the entrepreneur world just like me, we live a little bit crazy life, we're always starting something new. I am an orthopedic physician assistant, so I do hip and knee replacements, I've done that for nine years and I absolutely love it. I coached college soccer for a lot of years before that I coached high school Soccer and I honestly, I coached soccer for 14 years.

I was always into sports, always loved being a part of a team and I played the visual in college soccer, loved it, started coaching because of the sport and then really continued coaching because of the young women I was coaching and the impact I was able to have on them and then that led me to be sitting in this seat now of just craving that impact and feeling that calling on my heart that God was you know putting me in other women's lives to serve them and to be somebody for them that you know in this crazy world, in this hard world, people need people in their corner And so recently I started my own business as a growth coach. I also started my own podcast girl, Let's Be Real. And it's all about real talk and empowering women and that is just you know who I am, I'm very real, I very relatable. I'm not, you know, I always say I'm not an expert at anything I am who I am. But what I am so passionate about is helping other women love themselves, finding their purpose in life and really freaking loving the life that they live.

And so that's me. Yes, I love it. Oh my gosh, I absolutely love it. So today are our main topic which my listeners know will not be the only thing that we talked about during this podcast episode, but it's kind of savoring the stage of life that you're in. And so you gave us a quick rundown of kind of where you came from and how how you got into coaching and you're doing all this while being a P. A. Which is insane to me. I mean like I'm busy but then I look at you and I'm like dang she's she's got it going on over here. But how are you? You've been in so many stages already. I mean we are not old women by any means, like I still think of us as being fairly on, I mean for sure, but how, how have you been able to kind of savor each stage and when you, when you have ambition like you do and you want to help and you want to put your impact on the world and kind of help women anyway.

You can, how do you stay in that stage and really appreciate where you're at without dreaming so big that, that you, you don't, you don't stay present where you currently are. Yeah. So this is something that I have dove way more into in the past probably six months, um, definitely the last year, but I'm lucky enough to be married to a man that we challenge each other and that we constantly talk about life and being the best version of ourselves and really that growth mindset. And so I do feel very blessed to have somebody that I'm constantly talking to about my dreams, about being big about the important things in life and he grounds me, you know, he's more of a, a grounded person. I'm more of a, like I said ambitious, like let's go do all of this at once. But you know, I've always been that ducks in the road type of person from the time that I was little and something that as I get older um that I've recognized is how important, appreciating the process is embracing the process being present in each stage and really trusting that, you know, God has this greater plan for you and that you're, you're in the spot that you're in for a reason and although you might not see it and there's definitely those harder times in our lives, we don't see it and we sure as heck don't want to embrace it because it's hard, it is a part of your journey, it is a part of God's plan and it is for, you know, a reason.

And so I've I've really peeled back the layers of my life a lot recently and to be able to savor the stage that you're in, you've got to do a few things in my mind and really you've got to be great at reflection and I'm a huge person and reflection, I'm a huge person in practicing gratitude daily and those two things are at the forefront, you know, every morning, I do have a morning routine, but part of that morning routine every day, even if it's a little bit different every day is my gratitude journal, recognizing writing down what I'm grateful for, and then every night before I go to bed I do reflection and again, I write it down, and the reason being is because we can get so caught up in this life that we forget to be grateful for the little things that we forget to reflect and say, okay, I might have screwed up in this today, or I might have not been as good in this aspect, but it's okay because I can do that tomorrow. And so really starting your day with gratitude and ending it with reflection has been a big part of my life and a big part in me being able to savor this stage that I'm currently in.

I love that, I I'm a firm believer in in that entire process, having the gratitude built into your day and then, and then the reflection and so a lot of people forget that piece. They are so busy going through the motions that they don't take the time to stop and be intentional. Say, okay, why? What came from this today? What what did I learn? What what direction is this pulling me towards next? Like actually being a part of the process is kind of what keeps you there. So I love that you, that you mentioned that. Yeah, and you just said, you know something about like, what's next? And it is so true, like our society is what's next. Like we're always looking for the next thing in life, you know, and I'm guilty of this too. And even though I coach this? And even though I've really tried to embody this, I still, you know, and you're growing a business to, you always think about, okay, what's next? What, what can I do next?

And that's that is part of being a person that has high standards for yourself, being ambitious and that's not a bad thing by any means, but by always thinking and looking for that next thing you you don't fully embrace the present, and, you know, you got to think about it like, we from the time that we're little, we celebrate milestones, right? Like you celebrate when your kid coups for the first time, when they crawl for the first time when they walk and you're it's all these big milestones, but it's like, what happens in between all of those moments, or, you know, we're always looking for that next thing, like after college, it's like, okay, well, what's next? You know, or even in college, it's like, what's your major, and then, and then you start dating somebody, it's like, do you want to get married? Okay, when are you getting engaged? When are you getting married? And then you get married, are you having kids or you have no kids? And then it's like, do you want another kid? And it's like, we live in this society that we're constantly like pushing forward without just like pausing and being present, you know?

And and if you embrace the process and you truly believe that you're right where you're supposed to be, and you practice that gratitude. You start to see the beauty and the simple things and when you do that, your perspective on life changes your life has so much more joy, you know, when you literally wake up in the morning and you appreciate the sun shining in when you appreciate that, okay, you wanted a kid for so long and they're crying and you got to get up and go get them instead of looking at it like, oh my gosh, I have to get out of bed and go get my kid. Well a prior version of yourself really desire that kid prayed for that child and so it's that shift in mindset of just saying, okay, like I get it, this might be hard, but also a prior version myself really freaking wanted this, really wanted to be where I'm at and that's like if you're listening to this girlfriend, like you're gonna think about that like where are you in life and I guarantee you a prior version of yourself would be so freaking proud of where you are right now.

And so you've got to find ways to soak up this moment in your life, right? Like that stage that you're in and a big part of it is, you know, Marissa, you and I have talked about this before, like setting boundaries and putting your phone down right when you're in certain moments and really savoring that stage. So like for example, if you are a mom and you're listening to this and you know, you have multiple Children. I've really, I've really tried to do this more so of like my first son, I celebrated everything. I was so present in his life because he was my first one and my only one, but then now all of a sudden I have two kids and it's like my oldest one once my time because he doesn't want me not to you know mommy to take time away from him. But my second one, I've really recently said, okay this is my Jonah time, that's my youngest, this is my Jonah time, no Phone, no Jacob, I'm gonna take him on a walk. I'm gonna like go up in the room for you know 10 minutes and like giggle him and really be engaged and taking those boundaries and prioritizing them allows you to really savor those moments.

Yes, absolutely. And so I guess for Trent and I, we were really struggling with that a few years ago we added our third child to the mix and honestly adding the third was easier than adding the second for anybody who's wondering. But we were still struggling with that. Like how how do you show up for each of them and still have time for all the other things in a day. And so one of the things that I did even just recently I went away for a weekend by myself without my husband, without my kids. I left a notebook on my husband's nightstand and I had written him a letter of like how much I appreciated him and just like everything I was grateful for for him and then I wrote each of my girls a letter about every piece of them that I loved and my hopes and my dreams for them and so that they will always have that. But in that moment when I was walking away from them to do something that I needed to do for myself, I was still able to be so gracious for all of those things that, that were between me and and my kids and my family.

And so I, we've graduated now from like gratitude lists to like writing letters to each other because it's like you just, it kind of builds off of each other. It started off with threatening literally just starting 10 things at night every night like what are you grateful for? And he struggled with it more than I did. But like the smallest things, like a lot of times he was like, I was really grateful for the medicine, I was able to give that sick calf today and I was like almost cringing you know, and what he was grateful for. But then when we dug into it, he was like, you know what I'm really grateful for is that that calf is now going to be able to live the whole 18 months that I needed to so that when it's time to sell it, it impacts my family in, in our livelihood, you know, and so like breaking down those moments has been really, really important for him and I and We only had to do that for about 30 days. We did it every night for about 30 days. And what was really interesting was we no longer had to write them down anymore. We were acknowledging them in the moment like as they were happening in the present.

Like it allowed us to say, we know we need to make a list of 10 things tonight. So it was in the forefront of our mind and this is this is what we're grateful for. We're grateful for that stranger that held the door open while I was carrying my screaming toddler out, you know, or whatever it was like, no, I mean it is so true. Like you you train your brain like and that's the thing, it's just like if you're you know listening to this and you're somebody that works out and you trained physically. You also have to train mentally and once you do That. So like you said for you and train, it was 30 days that you did a gratitude journal and then or whatever you guys did your gratitude at night and you recognize these things well then you were able to, because you had trained your brain, you were able to then not necessarily need to do it in the same way, but you are able to recognize those in the moment and that I mean that's a big part of any life, you know, any life thing, it's just habit, it's taking the time to really make yourself be intentional, make yourself commit your time and energy into something and if you do that and you commit to that, I mean you will have, you will shock yourself, you are capable of so much more you know than you give yourself credit for and it's just taking that time and doing it step by step and if you're able to do that, I really believe you know your life just has this whole new meaning, has this whole new joy and a big part of my coaching that I always tell people is you as simple as it sounds as silly as it sounds, you might say Jenna like obviously, but like I preach all the time about control, uncontrollables in life and the Biggest controllable that you have is what happens in between your two Ears, right?

Like your brain like you control your thoughts and your thoughts become things right and your thoughts, you know your thoughts become then your words and your actions and so if you're able to really be intentional with your thoughts and you say okay marisa, I am you know, I really need to recognize that you know, I might have a crazy life right now and I might have three kids and I might be stressed in this and that but again, you go back to that prior version of yourself and you say you know what like I wanted these kids so bad and they are such a blessing and what do I need to do for myself to maybe step away and like you just went, you know, like you just said, and you refreshed, you know, you recharged, what do you need to do for yourself to be able to appreciate the stage that you're in more so, because sometimes it's so easy to get caught up into it and that is so important and that is something that I coached to my woman all the time, is like when you feel yourself losing yourself or being overwhelmed or being frustrated in moments or not appreciating your spouse or your job or your kids, then you need to step back and you need to figure out what you need to do again, control that mindset, so then you can go back in refreshed with a new perspective.

Yes, absolutely. I just, even recently I've been trying to really listen to my kids and they're all old enough now that they, that they're very able and capable of like expressing themselves and my two year old while the older ones go to dance, her thing is that she really wants to just go to a park and normally I'm like, we do walmart, we do whatever, like we have this kind of routine, you know? And so I was like, you know what, that's important to her, she likes being the only one at the park with mommy or daddy and like that's special to her. And so when I started paying attention to what was important to those people in my life then it became more of a priority for me. But it also allowed me to be more present in the things that they enjoy. And I think that's kind of a big part of savoring that stage that you're into is like she's only gonna be two for one year. She's only going to crave my attention at a park for so long and it's so easy to just be like it's a park like whatever like we have a we have a we have a place that in the backyard you know like we don't need to go to a park but it's the experience that she's getting from that.

And I think that that's part of it too. Don't you agree like that being there and actually experiencing it and and I don't know I don't I don't even have words for it. No I totally agree with you. And I mean my child is the my oldest is 4.5 and he loves treasures. And I am very O. C. D. My house is very tidy and he has all these tiny like little rocks little beads little like animals that he finds on the playground or whatever. Like his teachers are always like he literally finds these smallest quote unquote treasures and you know I had this aha moment probably a few weeks ago or a month ago that I was like listen he finds so much magic in that, that like, even though I'm like, oh, that's trash buddy or um, I don't want that in my house. I'm like, okay, here's your treasure box, here's your rocket. Like I'm embracing that imagination of a 4.5 year old because like you said when he turned six, he's not gonna have that same imagination and it's just like my 1.5 year old, he's crazy, He's into everything.

You're a mom. You know, like that is like, you are constantly playing defense. But you know, I, I definitely said to my husband, you know, a few months ago that I need to stop trying to like, you know, put him in his booster seat and like put a snack in his hand or put him in a cage, not literally a cage. I don't change my kid, but like, um, like his like playpen and like restrict him, I gotta let him go be wild. And because when I, you know, when I'm a little bit older and I reflect back and I know I'll give anything for that time and let me tell you, you know, your listeners, if you're listening, you don't no much of my story, but hopefully you'll come over to my podcast community and you know, my story, but we struggled with infertility and you know, I man, I've always luckily thank God that I've always been a pretty positive person, confident person, secure person, I never really struggled with anxiety, but when we struggled to have our second kid, you know with secondary infertility, it was a really dark time in my life, like the darkest time I've ever been in and I pray to God, you know every day multiple times like God please, I just want more Children, I want to give Jacob a sibling, you know, and so a prior version of myself would have literally done anything for that crazy 1.5 year old running around and so when I get overwhelmed, I have to reflect back to how I felt in those moments and say Jenna like yes, your house might be a little bit more a mess, yes, you know this might be crazy, but goodness soak it up because it only lasts so long and the cliche saying of like tomorrow is not guaranteed, you know, the next hour is not guaranteed, it is so true and I get it mama, I get it sister, it is hard to live your life like that sometimes, but you've really got to soak up the moment so much, Yes, no, I completely agree and I was, I was the mom that we, we did not struggle with infertility, it was like a one and done kind of thing and so we thought it would take longer for the second one, you know, like and they ended up being like 16 ish months apart and so I had, I had severe postpartum anxiety undiagnosed after my first and so then I instantly went into being pregnant again with those hormones and then giving birth and then it like multiplied on itself.

And so I was in like a really dark place and I look back on that and it's hard when you so please know that we are not coming from a place that's like you just have to focus on the positive and just be present regardless of what's going on. There are dark days, there are dark weeks, there are dark months, there are dark years, but the only way you get out of those is by stopping and changing the thoughts that you're having and you cannot focus on negativity and expect positivity to come out of it. This is not some math equation, you can't add two negatives together and come up with some Magical 84 watermelons that are going to make your life perfect. It does not work that way. Yes. Well, your mouth husband would appreciate that analysis, right? I was just about to say that he always is like, I can make two plus two equals seven. I'm like, like what? His brain is just a different brain than mine. But I mean you you know you said it like it's not always rainbows and butterflies.

It's not always easy. This isn't easy. You know, nothing that we're talking about is easy, but it's something that again, if you commit to, if you pay attention to, it's not to say you're not going to have those dark moments, it's not you're not going to have those tough times for those rough days. Everybody hasn't, we're human, right? And I tell, you know, my community all the time, it's okay not to be okay. I encourage you and feel like it's so vital to feel all your emotions and allow yourself to feel emotions. And sometimes those are sadness. Sometimes those aren't the happiest, you know? But what you've got to realize is if you're willing to do the work and put in the work, then you can slowly reel yourself back in and you can slowly, you know, I always coach about like the power of knowing your purpose because that always ground you. And so if you if you really know those heart tugs and you define your purpose for your life, then you're always able to gear your thoughts back to that.

And um and and that helps with that direction and that meaning for your life, It helps you savor the moments, it helps you get out of those tough times. And so, you know, if if you are listening to this and you and you don't know your purpose for your life, that's another thing. You know, I just challenge you today to really dive into your purpose for your life. Because when you do, when you answer those heart tugs, when you really answer what God's calling you to do, you align it with what you're doing daily and you get a sense of meaning and direction that you've never experienced before. Yeah, it gives you a higher purpose for your life and in just the simplest terms, because when you're in those dark places, it's so easy to be self consumed by it. Here I am. Here's another day going through the same thing. Like is it ever going to get better? But when you know that there's something bigger in life for you than just how you're currently feeling or the current place that you are in, it allows you to fight to get out of it and to and to get back to those moments of joy and sunshine And we I have days, weeks, months still that are are like that where I'm just like not myself and things are not going well and my mental state is is somewhere other than where I would like it to be.

But it's being able to recognize that and then reflect like you mentioned earlier and and work through it instead of staying stuck in it. And I think that's all part of, of savoring that stage that you're in because not every stage is going to be a happy, joyful one, but how how do you reflect on that and take the good pieces of it, learn from it and move on because no stage in your life as a mistake. I could easily look back on so many things in my life and be like, it was all one giant mistake, but it wasn't because there were bits and pieces of really great things that have now come together to become full circle and I think that that's that that's amazing. And like everything you have said has kind of like come to that in a nutshell, like yeah, I mean believing that you have a purpose for your life, you know, it is really you know, the step one of you know, finding that purpose is believing that you have a purpose and we all have a purpose and we all have a gift to share and we all have, you know, those heart tugs and we just got to listen to them and then, you know, really, really doing that reflection.

I'm huge, huge, huge, like I said in the beginning like on reflection, but if you are able to reflect on you know, the prior chapter of your life, that prior stage and you're real and you're and you're able to recognize how grateful you are in the moment that you are in right now. Again, it's it's recognizing that things might not always be perfect, but you wanted to be where you are at at some point and it's it is for a reason and that you've got to embrace it and you know, if you do that again, I just I believe that you, again, I keep going back to that joy. You, you find more joy in, in the moment in the chapter that you're currently in. Yes, absolutely. Because life is literally just a series of tiny little moments. And so if you are finding the joy in those little moments, then guess what? You end up having a happy, joyful life in the end, not meaning that every aspect of it was happy and joyful, but that's what you're choosing to focus on. And so when you look back, you can reflect and say, you know what that part really sucked.

But there was so much good in it still. And and it allows you to know that in the current stage that you're in, no matter what you're facing either intense highs or intense lows that, that you're gonna get through it and it's going to serve a purpose and it is going to be great in the end. Like I honestly believe that. Yeah. And it's so, and I will say, you know, if you're listening, it's super easy to compare yourself to somebody else's journey and, and I'm at fault for two, you know, starting the business and starting a podcast and saying, oh my gosh, I don't have as many downloads as this person or I don't have as many followers. I don't have as many likes or I don't have a lake house and you know, they have a lake House or I don't know, you know, all these things that where you look at other people and you're like, oh, I want to be there, right? But you have a timeline, you have your own timeline and your story is yours and theirs is theirs. And you've got to just embrace again. You've got to embrace the step by step into each chapters and I have to coach myself that this, you know, like right now, I have to say, hey, I'm on a podcast right now, you know, talking with another incredible woman and a prior version of myself a year ago, I would never have dreamt of this, right?

And so, you know, being proud of yourself to, you know, being proud of yourself for the the strides that you've made in life and then being patient, right? And being patient is hard sometimes, but don't compare yourself, try to coach yourself to be patient and just put in the work and do your best. You know, and we tell our kids that all the time, like just do your best and sometimes I'm hard on myself, you know, I didn't get as much done for my business. I wasn't this and that, but did I give you know, do my best? Yeah, I did. And for for you, for me that should be okay for yourself and then tomorrow you try to do better and don't get me wrong, I'm always striving to be the best version of myself. And so should you, But give yourself Grace Yes, give yourself Grace. Absolutely. I have fully enjoyed our conversation. I feel like we could talk four hours. Yes, same girl. Is there anything that you would like to leave the listeners with today that you just have on your heart and you're like, I have to say this.

Yes, So I'll circle back around to a couple of things, but if you know you get something out of this conversation, my biggest, you know, my biggest encouragement to you is going to be dive into your purpose for your life because you do, it brings you so much joy and it gives you meaning and it gives you that direction that we all need and that we all crave and you know, at the end of the day, what's important is that you know all you control all you have control over is the present right now. Like you can't change your past. You certainly cannot control your future. You control you control the present, the moment that you're in right now. And even if it's hard right now, girlfriend, you are in this chapter, you are in this moment for a reason. So find a way to see the good in it. Find a way to learn from it and practice your gratitude daily. Do your reflection, you know nightly or daily because again reflection is so so powerful to growth in life.

But at the end of the day, savor the stage that you're in, whether you're a mama, whether you're, I don't know whatever hats you're wearing, find the beauty in it, appreciate it today, okay, strive to be a better version of yourself and give yourself grace because you are doing your best and I always tell my community every morning I wake up and I say you know, go rock your day, so I'm going to tell you that today, go rock your day, Oh, I love it, such good. I mean just amazing, like literally like mind blowing a little bit here about just how many amazing nuggets of information that you have brought to our attention today. So thank you, thank you, thank you and where can my listeners find you because I know they'll want to Yes, I absolutely love connecting with like minded women, I love serving women however you need and so come say hi to me on instagram, you can find me at Jenna dot Klopfenstein, I'm sure Marissa will put that in the episode notes because Klopfenstein is a hard one to spell but find me on instagram come say hi, I would love to connect with you and then I do have a podcast girl, let's be real, You can find me on any of the main podcast platforms or if you want to connect more, you can find me at my website Jenna Klopfenstein dot com, I would love love love to connect with you, Oh, fantastic, well thank you again for being here today.

And I am just, I always like to tease my audience a little bit. I'm so excited for this to continue after the episode, like the relationship that you and I are forming his friends here. And so thank you so much for being a part of, of my journey and for my show and listeners, I'm going to be here just like always cheering you on and I will see you inside the next episode. Mhm What

Ep. 59 Savoring the Stage You're In
Ep. 59 Savoring the Stage You're In
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