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Ep. 62 What is Imposter Syndrome? And How to Deal with It

by Marissa Rehder
June 16th 2022

In this week’s episode, Marissa is talking about what imposter syndrome is, how it shows up in your life and she's giving you tangible tips for how to handle it.

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are you struggling with feelings of self doubt or maybe some inadequacy, even though you've already accomplished a lot. Do you sometimes feel like maybe a fraud or like others will eventually find out that you're not as capable as they think that you are If so then you may be experiencing something called imposter syndrome. It is a term used to describe the experience of feeling like a fraud or an impostor despite evidence of the contrary, many successful people. I'm gonna tell you all people suffer from it at some point in their lives and for mom, preneurs impostor syndrome can be especially debilitating, leading to feelings of isolation and inadequacy, but there is something that you can do about it and in this episode, I am going to dive into what impostor syndrome actually is, how it's showing up in your life and what you need to do to overcome it.

You're listening to the marisa raider shell. I'm A mom of three farm wife and creative entrepreneur who thrives on helping dreamers endures, make the most of their God given talents. You can consider me your newest BFF who will be in there to cheer you on and give you practical tools to use in your business and your life all while empowering you in your faith, providing you with hard truths and motivation to get you chasing your dreams. I am bringing you actionable tips to uplevel your life and business as a busy mom and believer, I'll share laughs and encouragement with you as you chase after your God given dreams? I believe that you've been given this one life and purpose for you to live out and if you're ready to be the rock star, you're meant to be, then you're in the right place. Let's get started. Hey there, Marissa here, welcome back to another episode of the Marisa raider show. I'm so excited that you're here today because today's episode is something that all people deal with. It does not matter if you are a mom, if you run your own business, if you work for somebody else, it does not matter.

Every person struggles with this at some point in their life and you may not even know what it is or how it's showing up, how it's presenting itself in your life. And that's why I'm here today because I want you to be able to take it head on and put it back in its place because there is no room for impostor syndrome here in your life and in your business. So what is imposter syndrome and how is it exactly affecting your life? Well, let's dive in because what it really is is a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and feel like they're not good enough despite any evidence of the contrary impostor syndrome can affect anyone, but it is particularly common among high achievers. Hello, raise your hand if you can relate, it's me if left unchecked, imposter syndrome can actually lead to things like anxiety, depression and even burn out.

It doesn't have to be a life sentence though. Like if you're like dang, I struggle with this a lot, don't worry, I'm going to teach you how to get out of it. But there are definite steps that you need to take in order to manage this impostor and live a more productive fulfilled life. So the first step is to acknowledge that it is real and that is affecting your life. Once you've done that, then you can start to work on building up your self confidence and belief in your own abilities. This may mean seeking out therapy or coaching or reading self help books or even attending workshops, but whatever route you choose, remember that you're not alone in this and that there is resources and people available to help you with it with time and effort. You can get rid of imposter syndrome and achieve your goals and not have any self doubt left when you're done okay, that's a lie. There's always going to be a little bit of doubt there, but you are going to know exactly what to do when those feelings creep in.

So what does impostor syndrome look like? Sometimes it looks like the comparison game. You see somebody else doing something similar to you or something that you've always wanted to do and you think, man not me, not me, that is, that is not me, I could never do it the way she did it or Well, when I do that. Yeah, not nearly as good, but that is just imposter syndrome talking, you are wildly capable of doing anything that is on your heart, but you have to know how to build up your confidence and push that doubt and that disbelief away long enough to accomplish your goals. So let's move into how to deal with this imposter syndrome as a mom and an entrepreneur, because it shows up as a mom to mom guilt.

Hello? Yeah, we're talking about you today. So for anyone who has ever felt like a fraud or worried that they're not good enough, you're not alone studies actually say that there's like 70% of people will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives and those other 30%, I don't know what they're doing. I just I don't even know who they would be because every person I know has dealt with it at some point in their life. So for moms who are also entrepreneurs, these feelings of self doubt can be even more intense. However, there are ways to deal with this and to learn to silence that inner critic and the first thing to know is that it's important to understand that impostor syndrome is not a reflection of your abilities or your worthiness. It is simply a symptom of perfectionism and fear of failure and then second you need to remind yourself that everyone experiences self doubt, including successful people. Um some of the most successful people I know struggle with imposter syndrome the most, so it doesn't mean that you're not good enough.

It means that you're human. And finally, instead of trying to achieve perfection, focus on progress, remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect to be successful, you just have to keep moving forward. If you can do these things, you are going to see impostor syndrome as a sign of strength and not weakness. So what are my tips for overcoming imposter syndrome? You ask? Well, I'm gonna tell you imposter syndrome is going to show up in your everyday life, it's not going to announce itself, it's not going to be loud and proud and be like, I'm here. What it is going to do though is this gonna sneak in and it's gonna be a little silent at first, it's going to start with a little seed of doubt that grows into keeping you stuck and quote, unquote safe where you're at and probably a little miserable because you're gonna start to feel that loneliness of not being able to follow your heart and not make the decisions that you know, you need to make and and feeling inferior to other people that are in the similar fields that you're in and areas of business that you do.

So the first thing to know here is that impostor syndrome can truly be debilitating, causing people to second guess themselves and their own abilities. It can lead to anxiety and depression and make it difficult to take risks or pursue new opportunities, but I'm gonna teach you how to overcome that and that's by building self confidence, Reframing your negative thoughts and seeking support from others, you will start to feel more deserving of your success, You will take more confidence in the decisions that you're making and you're going to be able to move forward towards your goals at an even faster rate than you would if you were still struggling with it. So take comfort in knowing that impostor syndrome is common. So even if you do feel like a fraud, sometimes you're not alone. So let's dive into those three areas that I was talking about in the first one, being building self confidence.

It is not something that you can simply will yourself to have confidence requires taking action and building momentum until it becomes a part of your identity. But where do you start? The journey to self confidence begins with very small steps. Start by setting yourself realistic goals, taking concrete actions to achieve them as you accomplish more and more. Your self confidence will grow. Oh, does that sound familiar? Is that your brain doing that thing where it likes something and then it tells you I need more of that. That's exactly what happens here, just like when you celebrate the small winds. If you can work on making small accomplishments, your confidence grows even quicker and it's also important to surround yourself with positive people who will support your efforts, don't be afraid to celebrate those successes and no matter how small they seem, celebrate them.

I think I say that in almost every episode, are you tired of hearing it yet? Because I will never stop preaching that by taking these steps, you can build the self confidence that you need to achieve. Any goal that you set. The next thing that helps combat impostor syndrome is reframing your negative thoughts. We all have negative thoughts daily, we have negative thoughts, but it's natural to feel down after a setback or have doubts about yourself Occasionally. However, when negative thinking comes in in a recurring pattern, it can start to take a toll on your mental and emotional health, luckily there are things that you can do to reframe those negative thoughts and turn them into more positive ones. One way to reframe those thoughts is to focus on the good that came out of a situation, even if it was just a small thing. So for example, you've had a bad day at the office or at work, even if your office is in your child's old bedroom.

Oh yeah, talking about myself there, um try to remember one thing that went well, like you got a compliment from the colleague in my case that would be the cat or completing a project successfully. This helps to build the bad experience in perspective and reminds you that not everything is always bad, we're not an entire situation isn't bad. There will always be some sort of good, even if it's just a small learning point that came from it. Even if it was something you learned not to ever do again, that's okay. That's still a positive, you know, like Math, I am not a math person, but you know, I'm pretty sure when you put two negatives together and then it equals positive, you know, it's like that even if the only positive thing that came out of the situation is that you learned never to do it again, that becomes a positive in itself. Another way to reframe negative thoughts is to think about what we could have done differently in that situation.

This doesn't mean dwelling on what you did wrong, but rather trying to see the situation from a different perspective and learning from that mistake. If you can view your setbacks as opportunities for growth, it can help you feel more positive about them. And finally, it's important to remember that No one is perfect, everyone is human, everyone struggles from time to time. It's just a part of life, but it has to do with the perspective you take on it. And if you can take those negative thoughts and try to flip the script on them, which I'm coming up, there's gonna be a whole episode on that coming up. So stay tuned for that. But just know that it is possible to change those thoughts and find a rainbow in the store, it's always gonna be there. It's just how hard are you willing to look for it? My next tip for overcoming imposter syndrome is seeking support from others.

It is perfectly normal to feel like an impostor, especially if you're in a new situation or taking on a new challenge. The important thing is to recognize these feelings and then seek support from someone else. Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your doubts and your concerns. Be honest about your achievements and accomplishments, allow yourself to be vulnerable and compassionate with yourself. Seeking support is an essential step in overcoming impostor syndrome, recognizing that you're not alone in feeling like an imposter can also help you feel more comfortable in your own skin and better equip you to take on whatever challenges come your way, I'm going to tell you that it's really hard for me to look back on anything as an accomplishment because for me, I struggle with just checking boxes off. Did it did it did it, it was just something that had to be done and I got it done. This had to be done, got it done. And so it was hard for me when I started this journey to recognize what accomplishments actually were.

So if you are like me and you're struggling to even come up or identify with what an accomplishment would would be. Find that support, find someone who will be honest with you, just ask them, hey, I've done a lot of things in my life, but I'm struggling to see what my accomplishments are. Can you help me out with that? What are some of the things you see as accomplishments that I have done, it will get your brain thinking about those things and it's kind of like that. I bought a red car and now all I see is red cars mentality. It's literally science, how your brain works. We won't get into that. But when you start recognizing things that are accomplishments, then your brain starts to recognize more things as accomplishments instead of just seeing it as a task or something that you've checked a box to your brain is gonna say, hey, I should celebrate that. That was awesome. Let's do more of that.

So if you're struggling. No, you're not alone in that either and find a trusted friend to help you. If you do not feel like you have someone that you can go to and ask those things, come find me. I have, I'll have the link in the show notes, instagram book a call. I will help you discover what your accomplishments are because I know that there are many. All right, moving on, done with my, done with my ted talk on that bonus tip here. This is something that is very unique to how I live my life And so you probably aren't going to get this tip from very many other people. But I use christian music to overcome impostor syndrome all the time. All the time. You guys christian music has a way of lifting your spirits and reminding you of who you are in christ. The lyrics are full of encouragement and truths that can help to reframe your thinking when you're feeling like a fraud, listen to songs that remind you of God's love for you and his faithfulness and read some scripture that will help you overcome impostor syndrome.

I will link my I have a toolkit for christian women that has tons of song lists and scriptures and prayers and resources podcasts and you name it books all the things anything you could need for any different situation in your life. I have a master list with everything linked right there. So when you're struggling with doubt, there's a list, when you're struggling with worry, there's a list when you're grieving, there's a list of all the resources for you right there when you are celebrating those winds and you are overjoyed. There's a list for that. So I will link that in the show notes. But um just remind yourself that you really can do all things through christ because he is giving you strength. So when you're feeling weary and you're feeling down and you're feeling like that impostor go to him and find strength in the words that are written that will show you that you are worthy of this love and this vision that God has given you and that you need to keep chasing the desires that he has put on your heart, meditate on these songs and these verses and let them fill your mind with hope and confidence.

And just know that you really can't do anything because God is on your side and I want to share with you here. Just some of my favorite songs. Just a short list, I will link these individual songs in the show notes as well, but the song nobody by casting crowns. So good, so good. If you are struggling with self doubt, hit it up. First one. First choice right there. Um 2nd 2nd 1 on my list here, Confidence by saying this real you guys. I wish I could play them all for you. And that could just be the whole podcast. That alone would be the most powerful thing in the world. If I just played those these four songs for you, another one is called, look, look what you've done by Tasha Layton. It just it's amazing. It's it's the story of how God has taken her life and and look what he's done with it. Look what he's made from her. And it's it's very inspiring. And then the last one is reasoned by unspoken, I actually just got the chance to see these guys in concert and this song hits even different in real life.

And so I just encourage you to go and check Out those four artists, those four songs, they are amazing and whenever you're having self doubt, I just flip one of those songs on and it instantly lifts my mood instantly warms my heart makes me more confident and know that I'm on the right path, I'm doing the right things and that I just need to keep pushing forward and so go ahead, check those out. I wanna switch gears now here a little bit to end this episode. But impostor syndrome Has a hold on, pretty much everybody at some point in their life, we already talked about that like 70% of people and I would venture to bet that that's a low statistic, but did you know that there's an importance and actually embracing that inner impostor inside do? So it doesn't have to be a bad thing when you feel this. In fact being able to embrace that inner impostor can be the key to a more successful and fulfilling life.

It can actually be a motivating force. It can make you work harder push yourself to achieve things you never thought possible, can also help you to empathize with others and build stronger relationships. So the next time that you're finding yourself doubting your abilities remember that your imposter is just part of what makes you unique and amazing and embrace that and and let her guide due to a life of excellence. So if you're feeling that self doubt or you're feeling that like you're a fraud of some sort, chances are that means you're on the right direction. Just keep going and I just have a few words of encouragement for anyone who's currently struggling with this. But if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, please please know that you're not alone. This feeling of self doubt is common among high achievers and the good news is is that it doesn't have to hold you back. So, first remember that imposter syndrome is normal, just because you feel like an impostor Doesn't mean you are 1/2.

It can be a motivator, use it to fuel and push yourself to reach your goals and don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own unique journey and there's no need to compare yourself to anyone else. Be kind to yourself, beating yourself up is only going to make this imposter syndrome worse. So cut yourself some slack, give yourself some credit where to do because you can overcome this and I am going to be here, yep, you guessed it, cheering you on the entire time. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of the marisa Raiders show. I hope you enjoyed it if you did. Oh, please do leave a review. It is definitely Icing on the cake. I hope that you enjoyed this episode, share it with the world because that is how we build and strengthen this community and I love to support you and the journey that you're on, so go out there and conquer the world.

Ep. 62 What is Imposter Syndrome? And How to Deal with It
Ep. 62 What is Imposter Syndrome? And How to Deal with It
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