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You Are Your Friends

by Octavia
August 31st 2021

In episode 16, we discuss the topic of friends and how they have a bigger influence on our lives than we think. 





I'm amazing and you are and I am and that's just how it goes in our reality. If you don't already follow me on my socials feel free to check me out. Um most of my handles our tv rights. Um but my socials are listed in the description part of the podcast episode, so feel free to check those out. I'm on instagram twitter tiktok tumbler and I also have my own website where you can find my poetry book that you can purchase and my merch and then also some merchandise for my other brands and businesses as well. So check me out guys, I love for you guys to support me in different avenues and I am a very talented and versatile woman I can do a lot of stuff.

Um it's the big three, I feel like the universe was like, okay, when we are putting Octavia together, we want her to be an Aquarius Sun Gemini Moon Capricorn rising and like I am not complaining about my big three guys, but just know that like I whip a lot of like talents out of my fucking arsenal sometimes. But yeah, support me guys um and I love you all so much. You're all so incredible and amazing. And again, thank you for being on this journey with me. Okay, so the topic of today's episode is you are your friends and this message has been weighing on my spirit, like I said earlier for a long time because it's so true. There's so much truth in that statement alone. You are your friends and I feel like a lot of people kind of brush it off or they're like, oh no, that's not true.

Like I'm my own person just because I hang out with people that are not good for me or that are not good influences for me, I can still hang out with them and be my own person wrong. Okay, in my opinion, Okay, this is just my opinion, but in my opinion, your friends influence you, period, point blank, like your friends definitely influence your energy, they influence your perspective on life. Sometimes your friends even influence your decisions um because you can fight in them when it comes to certain situations and you want their input and you know this person might not even be fit or have the experience in the specific situation, but they're giving you advice based off of what they think is right and what they think is right could possibly not even be a good thing for you, like the list goes on, but my point is that your friends have a bigger influence on your life and you then you believe to be true.

Now the only reason why I can vouch for this is because I have experienced it first hand, like I have been in a situation where I was holding onto people because they were my friends, they were my best friends, I've known them for so long but it came to the point where I like mentally, physically and emotionally and spiritually, I was getting drained being around these people because I just felt like I was outgrowing them, there was no space for me to hold for them, I could just feel me elevating and them wanting to stay the same and it was really painful for me because my entire life I envisioned, you know these girls being in my life forever um and growing with me and like we all become successful and we all, you know get to go on expensive trips together and have fun and travel and and live our best life that was what I envisioned for me and my friends.

So I had to come to the realization that like they weren't ready to meet me where I was at or they weren't ready to meet me where I was trying to go. So with that being said, I've always known that I am a spiritual being. Um ever since I was a little, I've always been like a visionary, I've always been able to like visualize, you know what my future looks like and for the most part, actually not for the most part, like I pretty much got it down to a T um as a 10 year old little girl thinking this is who I want to be in life and like I'm making it happen and it's crazy, but I've always known that I am destined for greatness. Okay. Um, and so I've always had a specific vision of what I want my life to look like down to like, you know, my house and if I want to have kids, if I'm married, my friends, the kind of friendships that I have. So during this period of realization where I was like, damn, like my friends aren't ready to go there with me, they aren't ready to excel with me.

It made me feel very lonely for a long time because I just felt like my friends weren't getting me, they weren't understanding me. Um and of course it was because we were on two different, like definitely on two different pages. We weren't going through the same kind of life transition in life phases at the same time. Um So that definitely caused us to grow apart and I always try to encourage my friends um to want to be their best selves to grow and they were always inspired by me and they would say damn, like tv is like getting her shit together, I need to get my shit together, but then they'd go and be self deprecating after and it's like, okay, well these aren't the kind of people that I want to hang around with because for me in my shoes and friendships like that, I'm always the one that's trying to I'm always that friend that is trying to encourage, you know, the other person to be better to do good to like, you know beyond their shit or you know, I'm always the dumping bag for everyone's emotions and people come to me and they want to talk to me about their shit and I'm like okay here you go, like I'm giving you all the tools and then they're like uh maybe I'll do it next year, I'll be better, I'll be better next year.

And I'm like well then stop coming to me because at this point you're wasting my time, I don't have time to be in friendships that our self deprecating like that it drives me insane and then like it makes me not even want to be around those people because it's like you need to get your shit together. Come on. I mean I have compassion. I really do. I have compassion for people that are not on the same you know level and same phase of their healing as I am. I get it. But I will not tolerate being around people that are okay with fucking up their lives because oh uh you know, I'm scared to hell no, that's just a no go for me. That's one of my boundaries. I will not tolerate it. So yeah, you are your friends. Like eventually over time certain behaviours just rub off on you and then then what?

And then you're looking around like oh my gosh, how did my life get so disastrous? And you're like well who are you hanging around with? What are you doing with these people? What kind of influence do they have on you? Like the people on your team matter the most. And if you have some close friends that are displaying some toxic traits, I would advise you to re evaluate their position in your life and don't be scared to distance yourself from people. And I'm not saying you have to cut people off. Like you don't have to cut people off. It's not that deep but um communicate with the people that you know you're friends with, Especially if you've been friends with them for long periods of time and like you're just realizing damn. Like we just are not on the same page anymore. Like, we're just not feeling the same vibe. The friendship doesn't feel the same. I feel like I'm outgrowing them like be an adult, let them know communicate because, you know, we promote healthy um you know, communication skills on this podcast.

Okay? Yeah. If there's one thing that I have become more confident Um about especially 24 and my womanhood in adulthood is like, I am not afraid of confrontation, I will gladly bring something to the surface if I know that it bothers me enough to the point where I will not be able to sleep at night or something. Like, I've gotten to the point where it's like, my clarity is a lot more important than trying to tiptoe around somebody feeling uncomfortable, so I will let people know how I'm feeling what's going on and that's exactly what I did in my friendships previous to now. Um I had to let some people know, like, you're not gonna treat me any kind of way. Um and just because I accepted certain things in the past doesn't mean that I'm going to continuously accept them in the future. Um yeah, so it was just a lot of outgrowing my friendships for me, me personally, I'm not sure if I ever felt like my friends Again, like I've always had a very, very strong sense of who I am, even when I wasn't completely 100% sure, but I've always had a vision for my life and so I've never felt, you know, like my friends were influencing the way that I was going about my life or the way that I was as a person.

I have always stayed true to myself. However, my downfall when it came to um like my friendships before was I was trying my hardest to get them to go where I wanted them to go um instead of just accepting them for where they were in life. And yeah, that was hard for me for a long time. It was hard for me to let go and to accept the fact that like my friends don't want to be on the same journey that I am on or they are afraid to embark on it or they don't have the capacity to embark on it right now. Like um I really lacked compassion in that sense where I was like, okay, you guys don't want to better your life. But then also, it was weird because I also understood why they weren't, you know, so adamant about working on themselves and growing and like evolving um as I am and have always been who I really had to take a step back and accept the fact that they still wanted to be stuck in the same place that they were two years ago and I was ready to elevate higher and it was so painful for me because I was keeping myself stuck in these spaces around these people where I had nothing in common with them.

Like we didn't see eye to eye were on like two different realities, like living in two different realities and it was so painful, it's like talking to a brick wall, it's like me, I'm saying like oh I want this, I want the moon and the stars and these people are like oh well you know, living the normal life will do for me, like living the life that I'm told I'm supposed to live will do for me and you know, going out and getting drunk every weekend and being problematic and hooking up with this guy and this guy and this guy, this is okay for me and knowing that I have you know, unhealed traumas but being self deprecating about him and being you know like cute about him or making jokes about them. That's better for me than like being uncomfortable in growing and evolving until the person that I feel like I could possibly become, it was so incredibly exhausting for me um I always felt like I was the one trying to fix things and help people and then when it was time for me to need support, I was never able to get it or to you know, have it.

So I was just perpetually frustrated and my friendships before because I just felt so completely unfulfilled and again, like I said, I would communicate my feelings to my friends and um I would either get told like, you know, not be so dramatic about it or I would get told, oh yeah, well, like next time we'll make sure that like, we will include you and then like, it doesn't happen or I don't know, just like, really dumb shit and I'm like, I don't have time for this because I am a great friend, I'm a great friend, I know that for sure when I have friends and when I consider your friend, I'm going all out for you, loyalty is there? I am very honest and very genuine. I'm a great listener. Um I will be there for you to support you at all of your important events, like whatever you need. Maybe I got you with boundaries obviously because you know, your girl, your girl learned some boundaries, but like, if you're my friend, I got you.

So like, yeah, that's when I that's when I really had to start reevaluating, like, you know, my perspective on friendships too. It's like, oh shit, like You're not my friend just because I've known you for 10 years. Like, I could no, you for 10 years but still really not know you. And that was another thing too. I was like, damn. Like, I don't know any of these people that I consider like, my best friends, like, I don't really know you, like, we've done a lot of stuff together and we've accumulated a lot of memories but they weren't very good memories, they weren't memories of substance and like I still don't really know who you are and that kind of concerns me. But now I have friendships where I can confide in them about real shit, we can sit down and we can talk real grown ass woman adult conversations, we could be real about like what we're going through our life. Like if my friend hits me like how are you babe? Like I miss you.

I'm like girl, I don't know how I'm feeling right now but like I appreciate you for being here for me. Like I feel like I have accumulated the best friendships um within the past year and it makes me so happy because these friendships are amazing, they are reliable, they are compassionate understanding, they are beautiful and they feel like sisterhood and that's like all I've ever wanted with my friendship so I appreciate every single one of my girls, They know who they are, Oh my gosh guys, I came to the most mind blowing realization but the reason why I love and value my friendships that I have now in my life so much is because they are a direct reflection of me and because they are a direct reflection of me, I am also a direct reflection of them and we are each other.

So I essentially am my friends Oh my gosh, that's so funny, I manifested the people Alice, sorry, I keep hitting myself. I keep hitting my hand on my desk. I'm so passionate right now. Talking about why I feel like you are your friends. And it's so true though because I see a lot of myself and the friends that I have now, we all have a lot of the same qualities. We all have similar like hearts in the way that we view life and go about, you know, living. Uh, we all just really want to elevate and be our best self and it feels amazing being surrounded by women, especially, um, that are on the same journey that I am because it just feels like I always have like a sister. I always have my girls. I always have my team And that makes me so happy and I don't even have like a whole bunch of friends, y'all, I really don't, I only consider like four girls like my, my, my close friends.

But that's it. And of course, like I have acquaintances and stuff, but like the people that I can fight in, they are important to me. Some people fucked around a fun with the bag y'all because like I already know I'm popping I'm a real good friend. I'm funny. Like, let me just gas myself up real quick. This has been like a recording thing all day. I've just been gassing myself up. So I'm just gonna let it ride out until the end of the day and then we'll see what happens there guy. Uh huh. To be honest, I really don't have anything else to say other than like really pay attention to your friends. Okay. Be very observant of the company that you keep really get to know yourself and understand what you want and desire out of friendships. So that way you're not just taking in anybody as your friend or you're like oh we kind of have similar inches, oh this is my new friend. No no no no get your shit right, okay make sure you're choosing wisely because your friends will influence your life.

I promise and don't tell me it's not true when it's like a year or two later and your life isn't fucking shambles your, you know things are not going good and you're like well what's going on? Well I don't know, jenny over here has been causing drama since you guys have been friends. So where do we go from here? Like I said earlier, do not be afraid to address things. Hold people accountable for the things that they do. If they say they're going to fix something and they don't fix it, let them know, hey I got to distance myself because this is not it. My friends don't do this to me remember you are not responsible for the way that they react to you setting a boundary with them. Um If they don't want the boundary to be in place. They need to fix their behavior and then prove to you that their behavior is changing when it comes to how they interact with you um or whatever the situation is, just let it be no, and then go on about your life, you know, don't be so distraught over outgrowing friends.

That is something that I had to learn this past year is like, it happens not even just friends, but people in general, um you're gonna outgrow people, you're going to outgrow people and if you feel if you even feel that the slightest bit that you're outgrowing someone honor yourself enough to know that it's time for you to move on because the people that you're surrounded with might not be ready to elevate with you and if they're not ready, waste your breath, Remember I told you before from experience, I tried to encourage my friends to grow and they just want ready at that point, I had to just distance myself and be like, okay, this is what you guys want to do, that's cool, but that's not what I want to do and in order for me to get to where I'm going, I need to move differently and if you guys don't want to move with me, then I have to move by myself and it is what it is, keep it pushing, but I love you guys, thank you so much for listening to everything that I had to say in this episode I appreciate you guys so much.

Thank you for holding out and waiting for an episode to drop um it's been stressful being a boss bitch all by yourself. Um but I'm loving every minute of it. I am, I'm loving the journey. I know um things will settle out and do time, but just know that if I'm not putting out content for my podcast, I'm working on other shit, like I have like two other businesses that I'm working on. So thank you for bearing with me. But as always, I love you guys so much. Feel free to follow me on all my socials. Check out my website www dot tv with three eyes dot com. I actually just changed my website um domain. So that's my new one. I will make sure to add that in the description. Sometimes I talk really fast and then my words get jumbled up but it's fine. Um where did I get that from? I don't know, maybe it's the abolition gallon me.

Um So I love you so much. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm wishing you all the love and healing in the world and until next time. Mhm. Uh huh. Mhm Yeah. Okay. Mhm, mm hmm.

You Are Your Friends
You Are Your Friends
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