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Loneliness During Seasons Of Singleness

by Octavia
August 3rd 2021

Website: www.taviwrites.com

Instagram: _taviwrites | tavi... More

Yeah. Mhm. Yeah. Hello all of my lovely listeners thank you so much for tuning in to my podcast. It's tv and welcome to T. V. Time. I have a great episode in store for you guys today but before we get into the episode I want to say thank you so much for supporting me and for being here with me on this journey and growing with me. I'm very proud of you, I'm very proud of myself and I'm very proud for all of us as a community for diving in and really taking our growth and our mental health and our self growth journey seriously. Um You mean more to me than you know and again thank you so much for being a part of this with me for those of you that do not know. I just recently this past june published my first poetry book titled Like a Butterfly.

You can purchase that on my website www dot tv rights dot com slash shop. Um Feel free to also check out my website to keep up to date with all of my projects, read my blog posts um mm And yeah I purchased my merch so if you love me, go ahead and support me. I would really appreciate it. I've also added a few new services on my website. Um One of them including a girl chat. So if you are someone that is in need of an extra perspective on something in your life you need somebody to talk to. Confide in. I can be that confidence coach for you and I can help you navigate whatever it is you need in your life in order for you to reach your highest self, I got you girl book with me on my website, I would love to assist you, okay, so we are going to get into today's episode um this episode is going to be on the topic of loneliness and I felt the need to speak about this specifically today because it is something that I have been going through as of recently on my journey of singleness and I've found that as of recently it's been feeling very, very lonely for me, I was having a hard time with this realization at first because I felt that you know everything in my life is going good, I'm happy on my own, I have great friends, I have great family, have a great support system, um I'm not actively dating right now, like, you know, actively looking to date, I'm not on any dating apps or anything, so it was hard for me to kind of grasp onto the fact that I do feel lonely, not in my like platonic friendships or my family connections, but in that aspect of dating, I I feel lonely.

One thing that I've also come to realize within the spiritual and like self growth community, a lot of people kind of project or they use toxic positivity in response to people expressing how lonely they feel and their season of singleness and while they are actively intentionally choosing to stop looking when it comes to dating, the common responses that I have heard or have seen are no, no, no, no, you just need to love yourself, you need to continue to grow on your own. Like you're not fully healed yet. And I think that is a load of fucking bullshit, okay.

Um because that's not true, It's not true. We all naturally desire human connection and expressing that or wanting to be involved with somebody romantically does not mean that you do not love yourself enough. So, yes, naturally, my first response to me feeling like this was like, oh girl, you need to love yourself, like you should not be feeling like this, everything's going great. You actually love being alone, you love being single. So I don't understand why I was feeling this in my soul, I didn't understand why it was coming on so strongly and then I took a step back and I was like actually wait, let me reflect on this. Let me reflect on this feeling. Let me reflect on why I feel this way. And I came to the conclusion that it's not because I don't love myself enough, it's just I desire romantic connection and it's completely different from the connections you have people platonically or and your family.

Um I have been in two long term relationships and I have come to realize that I love being in relationships. Um I don't have a problem with being single either, but also I really love being in relationships and the more that I become self aware and that I grow and that I unpack, you know, the things that I want and desire in my life, I realized that I Was made to be a wife and a mother. Um I feel in my soul that those are like two minuscule parts of my purpose that I was uh sent, you know on earth, I'm existing within this universe too accomplished. Like those are two things that my soul really desires. And so of course, when I'm single and I have been working on myself and my growth and like really just being intentional about becoming the best version of myself, of course they're going to be times within that experience that I'm going to feel lonely because my soul really values being in romantic relationships and there's nothing wrong with that for a while.

I felt like it was something wrong with me desiring to love someone, but I mean that's just a part of my soul's purpose and I'm not going to make myself feel bad for wanting basic human connection when it's something natural to us. Anyway, it's only been a couple of days that I've been feeling lonely, but I have been feeling it very intensely. Um there will be moments where I will be, you know enjoying my own solitude, I'll be watching tv um maybe even with my sister or my mom and I'll just feel like this deep wave of like loneliness and it amazes me because sometimes I'm not even by myself when I feel these things, but I know that it's coming from a different place I have been actively working through and working on my self awareness and like mental health and emotional intelligence for a long time, so I pay very good attention to myself, my thoughts how I'm feeling, um all of that, the whole shebang, so when I feel things like this I sit down and I assess it.

Um Yeah and then I've just come to realize that it's because like I don't have any romantic interests, I don't have you know any romantic connections right now. Um a couple of weeks ago I went ahead and deleted all of my dating apps, like every single one of them, even the ones that I had before that I had just not reused, I went back and I deleted them. Um I've come to realize that dating apps do not work for me. Um I have not been successful or had a successful experience using dating apps um I feel like it's a lot more work than it is actually like getting to know and like meeting new people um and then when I do decide to like put forth a little effort towards getting to know some of the people that I come across on dating apps, their intentions are not to, you know, being a long term relationship to build with someone to grow with someone um there's a lot of lack of maturity with the people that are on dating apps, so I really just took it upon myself to say, okay, we are separating yourself from this experience because in my opinion, I felt like the man that I am destined to be with is not spending his time on dating apps because he has shit to get done, he has stuff he needs to do, um we are on the same level, see we're on the same level, I said, I am not, I am not going to find the man of my dreams on a dating app because it's just ghetto here, so I decided to step away from them and it's actually been great because I don't feel stressed, I don't feel annoyed with the fucking buffoonery that you find on dating apps, it's really ridiculous um and a lot of people lie on dating apps, like there's a lot of an honesty on dating apps, um it's so easy to put on a facade and pretend on dating apps, so I'm just looking for the real thing, I said, baby girl, we're going to separate herself from this experience because it's not for you um I'm a top notch woman, I'm looking for a top notch man, a top notch man will not be spending his time on dating apps trying to get women to hook up with him, So at least not my man, my man is out there putting in work cookie, the beautiful thing about me deleting my dating apps is that the universe gave me signs that it was a great start to finding the man that I'm supposed to be with and the way that she showed it to me was through random men just walking up to me in public and wanting to exchange numbers.

Um, so far these men have not been men that are top notch, they have just been random men that come up to me around in my area, I'm not gonna say where I live, but it's just not for me, the demographic is not for me. So I feel like the universe wants me to get out more to go outside because I am more of an old soul and I feel like I'm gonna find my person like organically or just like in an old fashioned way, it's not gonna be through technology instagram facebook, it's not going to be, you know, I don't know, in, in that essence, it's not going to be the contemporary modern day to day way that people meet their person um, I'm gonna meet my person out in the world when I am out and about doing something that I enjoy, like going to a coffee shop or um, my mom, she encouraged me to start going out to places by myself that I really enjoy, so I mentioned coffee shop because I like quiet places um and I just love the vibe coffee shops, even though I don't drink coffee, I'm a t kind of girl, I love T.

Um But yeah, she called me this morning, my mom and I told her that I was not feeling very good mentally and she asked me if everything was okay and oh my gosh this is like kind of making me tear up, but so if I cry just spare one and guys um um so I just let her know that oh my gosh, we need so emotional right now. Um I let her know that you know, I have been feeling lonely and the romantic sense and yeah, she gave me the advice to start going out to places that I actually enjoy um jesus, I'm conveying guys but it's okay. Um I just have to let it out release it, but oh yeah, it has been a tough couple of days, I just feel very like lonely and I know that I'm not alone and I know that I enjoy being in my own energy in my own space.

Um But I was just feeling like such a strong like desire to like just want to be with someone um and I don't have anybody particular in mind right now, like I said because I'm not actively dating however um being in this place is tough, it fucking sucks, especially when you are intentionally choosing to focus on yourself and not date for a little bit um in the past I have been, you know, like prone to going off and just like trying to find anybody I could because I would feel lonely. So now that I'm in a different spot where I love myself enough to know that you know, I'm not going to just allow anybody in my space because I feel like I need somebody um I'm actually like sulking in this feeling and like honoring myself and waiting until I find someone that is worthy of being in my space and having my body and you know, experiencing my energy um it kind of hurts because I'm not reacting in the same ways that I would before, when I would just go run off and like try to find somebody or run back to a person that was abusive to me because I feel lonely um it's very different now, but it still hurts.

It's not like I don't feel, you know, the pain that it's bringing me I do um So that's what I've been battling with and you know, if you're battling with it to just know that it's a season and it will pass and like, you know, the more that you honor yourself, the more that you stick to your new habits and your new standards for yourself, the faster that the person that you're meant to be will come to you, the faster the person that you're meant to be with will come to you. I was like, I missed a word. Yes, I will say this. I would rather be by myself then be in a relationship with someone that I did not feel safe with or I did not feel like was my person um I will never ever settle ever. So if I have to be by myself for a while, then I guess this was gonna happen um and that makes me kind of emotional, but also I know that there is an upside to that, you know, like the work that I put in for myself and for my growth, I'm gonna get back times 10, so it's okay for you to feel the things that you're feeling while you're experiencing them through your growth.

However, don't allow them to become your existence, feel what you feel, but let it pass and no mentally in your head that everything is working out for you during this time, especially because I found a new therapist um my therapist has been urging me to um have a thought log. So every time that I think of something about my last relationship or the way that I was treated, I write it down and then reflect on it. Um and I've had a lot of realizations within that experience, just opening up to my therapist about it, you know, having them dissect it with me, it's been a huge help and it's made me realize that like a lot of things that I experienced in my last relationship I did not deserve. Not even, not even on my fucking worst day, not even on my fucking worst day.

Um So Now that I've like unpacked or I am continuing to unpack the things that I did not like in that relationship, it's easier for me to pick out the things that I do want and now I'm 100% sure that I know what kind of man that I want to be with. Um so that is upside to me being single and like standing in my loneliness is that I really fucking no, what kind of man that I'm looking for and like I am not at all shy or embarrassed or afraid to be like, no, you're not for me. Um and sometimes the people that I have experienced within dating, they're not bad people, like they're good people essentially, but they're just not my people, they're not for me um or they're better, you know, in my life platonically then romantically, like, I could see myself being friends with them, but I can't see myself dating them long term because a lot of things just don't add up.

Um So yeah, I've gotten very, very, very clear about the man that I deserve and the man that I am manifesting in my life and I am 100% okay, we're saying this guy is not for me. Um not that they're bad people, but it's just not what I'm looking for. So yeah, the last couple days have looks like me crying a lot. Um mm Really just sitting with my emotions and riding through them. Um dissecting them. Really just trying to nurse myself through this situation and feeling and not reverting back to old habits and even if I even thought about, we're running back to old habit physically. Like my body would not allow me to do it because I know it's just not right for me.

Um It won't make me feel good and that's like one of the biggest determinations um or one of the biggest things that I used to determine whether something is going to benefit me or not is how am I going to feel after I do this? Um So if it doesn't make me feel good, I don't do it. Um Very simple. This is why I don't drink alcohol because it just doesn't make me feel good. I don't even actually crave alcohol. I don't um I love weed. I am a marijuana Kanis order so fight me if that makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. Um Actually I'm not sorry, but yeah, I don't drink alcohol for that reason because it just doesn't make me feel good. So anything that does not make me feel good. I just stay away from um anything that's going to cause me stress I stay away from. So yeah, lots of reflecting lots of weed. Um meditating, journaling.

Did I mention crying? I did crying. Um I also make sure to get out and get some sunlight. I ride my skates. It makes me happy. I hug my puppy. I talked to my sister. Just anything that I could do to make me feel better um While I'm getting through this time in my life, obviously I give myself the proper alone time when I need it. If I just really can't deal with being around people. Uh But yeah guys, it's in the process. I'm actually really kind of fucking tired. Um I'm tired, I'm like tired of feeling lonely. Um mm And it kind of sucks because there's not really anything that I can do about it. Like right now in this moment, you know, all I can do is just sit in a and I know my spirit guides are like looking down on me like girl you better fucking you better not fucking move, they're like you better stay strong or else all the stuff that you've worked for is fucking shit.

It doesn't matter. And so I know like I have a greater fucking mission. I know but in this moment it's like God, it feels so nice to just have somebody there for me like you know someone there to like control me and like to kiss me and to hug me and to cuddle with me. Um So yes, it is very very tough and whoever is going through this with me, I feel you, I understand you. I'm crying with you. Still crying. Um but yeah, do whatever you need to do to release it. It's okay, you're going to be fine. Um Just know that this is only temporary. And again the universe is preparing you for the person that you were destined to be with and the more that you stick to the fucking course, the longer that you stay true to yourself, your standards, everything that you have worked for.

Up until this moment of temptation, the faster that your manifestation is going to come. And I believe this because I feel it in my soul wholeheartedly. Um I know my person is coming so that also makes me eager. I'm like where is he? And then like and then you know I started to feel you know loneliness and it it makes me tempted to want to fall back into those old habits. But I just don't because I know that it's not going to serve me so stay strong babes. I know that this is only temporary and your person is coming. They are coming. It's happening. They are here already. Your manifestation is on its way. You don't have to worry about anything. Do not fucking fold. Okay, we're not folding. We're going to stand still. We're going to listen to spirit and we're gonna honor ourselves by not settling and waiting for the love that we wholeheartedly deserve. Okay babe that is all I have for today's episode.

Let me close things off before I cry even more. Um I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for being here with me for feeling everything with me. I love you guys so so so so so much if you're not follow me on instagram feel free to follow the podcast page at tv time podcast um you can also follow my writing page underscore underscore T. V. Rights where you can keep up to date with all of my riding ventures and um my clothing brand lady sweets and all of my other business ventures. Um my poetry book and all that jazz. So um I will see you guys on the next episode. Okay I want you all to stay strong. I am wishing you all of the love and healing in the world and I will see you next time. What? Mm Oh

Loneliness During Seasons Of Singleness
Loneliness During Seasons Of Singleness
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