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Disrupting the Status Quo: : How To Create A Vision That Changes Everything

by Mark & Annette Anderson
April 7th 2022

Are you feeling stuck in your life or business? Do you feel like you're just going through the motions, day after day, with no real sense of purpose or direction?

If so, it's time t... More

welcome guests to trail angels powered by Karen. The load, we are absolutely thrilled to be here today and speaking with our friends and, and I and I don't say that lightly. We, we got to know brian and Tanya Hamilton's a couple of months ago as we were guests on their on their podcast and we we we had we had a fun time with that and we've been chatting for a few minutes before our podcast here and and we, we truly do consider you friends and so thank you for joining us today. We're just absolutely grateful that you would come back with us again. Oh, for sure. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. We're very thankful to be on on your podcast and appreciative of the opportunity and we've enjoyed the connection as well for sure. Thank you. You know, we'll, we'll talk about your podcast. It's, it's called disrupt disrupt the everyday And we, we had an opportunity to be on their December 27 podcast talking about grief. But you know, we'll we'll talk a little, a little bit about who you both are in a second.

But we were talking beforehand that we absolutely love your podcast. You know, whether it's uh dealing with a difficult people, which I thought was very interesting. Uh there, whether they all have those opportunities, don't we? I I like the don't be like most people podcast. I think that there was something certainly to be said about not being normal. And I think that when we, when we settle for normal we we settle for normally we, we truly settle vision planning being a peacemaker. The list goes on a wide diversity of topics that that we, we have enjoyed listening. But let me tell you our listeners a little bit about brian and Tanya Hamilton's uh and let our listeners get to know you a little bit as we've got to know you in addition to being host to disrupt the everyday podcast, Brian and Tanya Hamilton's her husband and wife and parents to four Children ages 5 - 12 and have a mini golden doodle Sampson.

So there's a lot happening at your house, isn't there? You know Brian has spent over 15 years in the security industry focusing primarily on the healthcare vertical and roles ranging from frontline security to a number of leadership positions. And currently brian is a system engineer with Omnigo software and a faculty at Fleming College and Seneca College in addition to serving on the board of directors as president elect with the International Association of Healthcare Security and Safety. Let's talk about you now, Tanya uh you've spent 12 years working in a social work space with your first opportunity, working in a shelter for abused women and Children. And I'm sure that there are incredible stories that you could tell. From that. From there, Tanya went on to work at the Children's Aid society of the york Region family and Children's services of waterloo region and facilitated session for the john howard society of waterloo region as well. Currently she is a home daycare provider and owner of raising our gifts, raising our gifts I'm sure is all about Children now.

I like what what you wrote Brynn brian about about your podcast And uh the fact that you host other, you know, three other podcasts as well and uh you know there's a story here as well after being bankrupt and divorced by the age of 23 you've found how to be resourceful and uh you've, you've been able to find ways to be who you are today and and friends. I'll tell you that they don't come any finer than than brian and Tanya and despite not having a college diploma. He's had great fortune. They've had great fortune of teaching three colleges and being a leader in the industry and topics that they're willing to discuss today are about overcoming obstacles and mentor shipped. But we really want to kind of speak today about marriage and parenting and uh I know that those are broad subjects but I think that to all of us have those commonalities, whether it's marriage, whether it's parenting, whether it's being a mentor to those around us.

You know, I think that we've talked that that really basically brings up everybody, everybody has the ability to be a mentor. Many of us are married, many of us, many of us have Children that we parent but we appreciate your willingness to come on today and and I want to start maybe if we could talking a little bit about the title of your podcast disrupting the everyday, tell us what that means. Alright, so disrupting the everyday is basically for us, it's helping people to navigate life while disrupting this while disrupting the status quo. So why there's such a diversity of topics is because you know, life is really all encompassing. There's so many different things that you that you need to be able to understand and just be able to even adjust to or react to. You know, if it's not something that you understand. So the idea of having a diverse set of guests and covering a diverse set of topics is that hopefully people can come and come find our podcast and you know, whatever it is that they're trying to learn more about that they may be having difficulty with, they may be struggling with or something, they just want to learn more about that.

We'll have a resource that can help them and you know, even they listen to uh you know, they listen to our episode with with Marketing net and now that's a resource that they can follow because it's very specific to something that they're trying to get help and so that's that's kind of the thinking behind the podcast, you know, I really like the name and I like the whole philosophy behind that because you know, life we can get so stagnant in the everyday and and we do need to disrupt that, we need to to disrupt that to grow and to learn and to develop and so, you know, it's it's a it's really a great title to an amazing show and I agree with that, but I'd add one more thing and that is, you know, who wants to disrupt the status quo changes hard, you know, it's it's it's really difficult, but you you talk a lot about vision in your podcast and uh, you know, I'd be curious, uh you know what, when, when we're looking at change, how important his vision as we're trying to make those changes in our lives, it is so important.

Um it's interesting, we're standing in brian's office, his work office that we also used for podcasting. He just finished doing painting three white boards and all for, you know, different ideas and like different things like that. And we all the way we, I guess vision and how we write that out looks different, right? Some people write in a journal, some people just keep it in their head, but you have to have a game plan, you have to actually sit down, take time and think, right, and whether that's for a vision for your marriage, your family, your work life, personal, all of that. You have to actually come up with a plan and then it's those to do, how am I going to execute this because that's the next thing and that's the hard part right, and and you have to have that plan and so often we just so along, I think well I'll get there, but we don't unless we we create that plan and then also, oh sorry, I was gonna say, and then also being held accountable to.

So in a marriage, you know, this is stuff that we're often talking about, okay, like what's next, What are we doing for this part in our life and this? Right? And then it's being held accountable. Hey Tanya, have you done what you said you were going to do in regards to a B and C? Oh shoot No, I haven't let me get on that right or vice versa, but and even if you're not in a marriage sharing some of these things, sometimes I feel, you know, accountability partner at the gym, if you don't want to go, but you know, your partner is going to be there, you're going to get there, right? So definitely sharing, I think two helps to execute those goals and those plans That that is so critical. You know, we were in the middle of doing another podcast as well on emotional resilience, and we have we're in the midst of doing 10 lessons on emotional resilience and trying to teach certain skills and tools and after every lesson that we do, we talked about the importance of accountability partners.

Now when we think of accountability partners and I'm glad that you said it the way that you did Tanya because it's not just a spouse, it's not just a significant other. In fact, sometimes it's maybe even better to not have that person as your accountability partner because we get to used to our status quo and we we become, you know, enemies of change any thoughts. No, I would agree, I think and there's it's really easy I think as a as a husband and wife to just have certain point of view about the the other. Right? Um obviously we we are of a similar belief set anyways in terms of our faith and when you look at it, when you, when you look at jesus, even there was a certain way that he was viewed at home and by his by his family, you know, when he came to be uh you know, the great, the great man that he was when he was walking the earth, his family just thought of him as you know, this is just jesus like who does he think he is? Right. So I think it does, there is value in having other people to share your ideas with.

Uh and especially too if if it's something something specific, that's your vision, it may not be something that's in alignment with, you know, your your spouses strong points, so, you know, as much as they may support you, they may not be able to help you move some of those things forward. You may need to go somewhere else to get that. You know that extra push somebody maybe who's been there, done that before. So yeah, there's definitely a lot of reasons why there's value in having somebody, somebody else to share that vision with. And I think having the appropriate accountability partner, I mean obviously you don't want to share having an accountability partner with someone outside of your marriage if it has something to do with your marriage. And but yeah, business and and like you said, going to the gym and different things. You know those we just need to be wise and in the relationship and those things that we share and before we forget, you know, we talked about marriage and parenting and he talked about how many of us are that but I just want to throw out We all are mentors whether we want to be or not.

We can be a positive example or a negative example. And and it's not just for our family and there are so many people out there that I know that are my friends that have never married. And And so but they they're not exempt from this conversation because there's so many things that they can learn as well. Mm hmm I agree with that. You know we I remember one time to your point and at one time I don't even remember what the situation was. But someone said to me Mark, I didn't expect you to say that. And, and, and it was it was it was almost hurtful because wow. You know, they were looking at me as being somebody maybe that I didn't see myself as being and, and so we we we do. I think we can all agree on the fact that it's important to to understand that people are watching. And uh, you know, whether it's in within the four walls of our home, whether it's outside, whether it's a church, whether it's at work, whatever the case might be, people are watching.

People are looking for examples, people are, and we might say, hey, I didn't sign up for that. But, you know, I don't know if there's anything that's more important in our life to leave a legacy than to leave a legacy of kindness and legacy of example, and and and legacy of of just Being one That Cares. So, so let's talk for a minute, as we're, as we're talking about vision, as we're talking about clarity brian. I I know that life was difficult for you early on in your adult life. You you had a marriage that didn't work out and you you had to do something that none of us want to do, which was to declare bankruptcy. And you're very open in talking about that. Now, tell us a little bit about that experience and how you are able to find that vision in order to make that status quo change, which again is a very difficult change to make. Well, yeah, for sure. So I will admit that it took me a long time to find the vision and figure out how I was gonna get out of that.

It, it took me a lot of years. It wasn't something that happened overnight and it wasn't like at 23 add a vision of, okay, this is how I'm gonna get out of this. I kind of figured that this was just going to be a way of life for me, that I was going to always struggle, finances were going to be something that came really difficult for me. I think there was during that time there was very, very many low points, but the one financial low point that really, really hit home and really um kind of made me shift my focus. I remember needing gas getting off the highway and pulling into a gas station not having any money in my account. Like they were basically overdrawn or credit cards were maxed out, I had $2.50 and that was all I had until I was able to get paid. So I had to put this $2.50 in my gas tank. So it was embarrassing enough because it's not like I had, you know, it was, it was a lot of coins make up that $2.50 and I had to make sure not to over pump because I didn't have any more money and I just wanted to go into the gas station discreetly and kind of leave the money there and, and walk out. But um you know the person who was behind the cash register made it a point to very loudly, very loudly declare that I put $2.50 in my gas tank so everyone could hear and you know, it was, it was a really embarrassing moment and that was kind of the low point that made me realize, okay, I need to I need to do something different here Now.

Fast forward two when I met Tania, you know, at the time I was I was working as a security guard. It was my, my first, my first job in that industry and again it was, it was a low paying jobs entry level position, so that's to be expected. But when we started, we started dating and again, even though it had been not too far removed from a marriage that didn't work, I knew what I wanted at this point and I I recognize that and Tanya, so right away, you know, knowing that wedding cost money, I started working a second job, pretty much almost immediately started working a second job because we're gonna have to pay for a wedding. Didn't want to go into debt. Well, I I didn't have any credit anyway, so it wasn't going to be possible for me. But but yeah, so I just, that was kind of where it started for me and then I think once we got married, well even before we got married, it was, it really forced me to try to have to think about those things a little bit more because I was, you know, at that time I was just responsible for myself, but now I'm going to be responsible for someone else. We, we had plans, we'd always talked about having four kids, which Works out, that's that's where we end up with four kids.

Uh but you know, I had to take, I had to worry about more than just myself, so I had to have a bigger vision of, okay, how am I going to generate finances and you know, it was really just working hard and having the persistence to, you know, push forward in my career, which opened up opportunities for me. So I had a path that I wanted to go down, I had a vision, I had a specific career that I wanted to get into a specific job. And I think another thing that's important too is recognizing, you know, sometimes sometimes you're going to set goals and dreams for yourself that maybe you may be capable of doing more. So when other opportunities came up it was being able to recognize that and shift gears as well and focus on that path. So I don't know that I necessarily answered your question there, but hopefully, you know, I think, I think it was the beginning of of an answer that I want to explore maybe even further because you didn't do this on your own. No, absolutely not. Uh that you probably had mentors, uh Tanya, you have mentors in your life, I know that talk a little about those that made a difference in your life and what were some of the skills that they had?

Sure, and even just looking as a couple, right, I saw that vision in brian because many, you know, many ladies or friends be like whoa you sure you wanna you know go down this road and you hear sometimes people are in a situation that's not the greatest and you see you know what, I don't think they're going to get out of this anytime soon, but brian, it was different, like there was the talk but there was also the action right? So I saw things changing before my eyes and I'm like you know what, it's going to be fine and I think going through in those moments, but having a supportive person right to keep pushing and you know going as a team, it's like okay, I was, I finished university, I got my dream dream job as I thought right away and it was like okay, you keep doing what you gotta do and very humbling right to get to where you want to go, but I think for the mentors, you know when you have family that's very supportive, that's obviously a big thing and friends as well, Especially, especially I'm thinking 16 years ago when we were just starting off people who are older, right?

Sometimes people think, oh, you know my friend, she she's been there, done that. No, sometimes it is nice to look and to have conversations with couples like you guys right who have been there done that are on the other side right now and that you can have conversation with and learn from. Think that's a big one. Yeah, and if if I'm to be specific and talk about mentors, my first mentor was my father. I remember again we had similar financial struggles when I was young, we were in, remember we're in subsidized housing and my dad's big goal was just for us to own a home. So he kinda did the same thing and this is where I saw the work ethic when I was younger, he worked, when we first came to Toronto, he worked three jobs, so he was he was working at a food terminal which ended up later being his full time job. It took a while to get a full time position there. He was delivering pizzas and then he was he had his own business, so it was at that point, I think he was just working under the table because subsidized housing every time you get a raise, you know, they're taking more money from you, so it makes it makes it hard to get out of that situation as well. But but yeah, I remember he would pick me up from, he would pick me up from school when I was in kindergarten, he would bring me home, he would basically fall asleep, but he would he would he would be there if I needed something, I could wake him up and he'd fall asleep on the couch until my mom got home from work and then she would typically have to wake him up so he could get ready for the next job.

But it was, it was interesting because there was times where he he woke up having nightmares about the food terminal and he's, you know, using some unsavory words to talk about the apples and oranges or you know, he's in the wrong uniform, like he's in, he's in his pizza delivery uniform, getting ready to go to the food terminal, so it was really those things, but he, you know, he did in in a few years, achieved his goal, got us into a property and we moved from a we moved from an area that wasn't a great area into, you know, our own home in a in a new city, so that he was, he was the first mentor for me and then when I think about from a working perspective, there was a lot of informal mentors, but my first formal mentor was my security director at the hospital I worked at because I decided you know, I wanted to do his job, so that was that was my goal. And I reached out to him and I was pretty open about it and said like listen I want to be where you are one day, would you be willing to to help me out? And he was probably the most helpful person in my career, helping make a lot of connections. Got me involved in the industry that I'm in. Now, Mark, you reminded me I have to update my biochem actually the president of I.

H. S. S this year. So oh congratulations on the promotions. But but yeah he he got me involved with that association. He introduced me to people who ended up being my next couple of bosses that in my my next rolls and and really just kind of set the set the stage for me to to grow. And I think there's other things I think back of in terms of mentorship from him, even before we had that kind of formal a formal arrangement. But even informally I remember there was there was a time where I was at an arbitration, so there was something that happened at work, I was witness to it. I had to testify against one of my coworkers at this arbitration. And I remember sitting outside of the arbitration and just thinking like what a horrible experience, this was like I feel like I'm having to rat on somebody and you know, in my mind, I'm just thinking like this is such a horrible thing and I remember I was sitting beside him and he said to me, this is going to be great experience for you, and I'm like, I'm thinking like what is he talking about? Like, this is I just want this to be over. But then fast forward like eight years later when I'm dealing with arbitrations as a from the, from the other side as a as a manager, I was like, okay, you know what I I see what he meant now.

So he and this was again, this was when I was pretty early in my career there, so I look at that and say he saw something in me that I didn't see and you know, I think it was john Maxwell who shared this, his experience getting mentored. One of his mentors said, you know, if if you don't have the belief in yourself, can you just borrow mine until you, until you have it. You know, I'm not quoting it perfectly verbatim, but that was kind of the context of it. So sometimes mentors are going to see something in you that you you don't see in yourself and just trusting that and following that was was something that was really helpful for me as well, you know, I appreciate the things that you've shared here and what what sticks out to me is you weren't afraid of hard work and and Tanya, you went into this relationship with your eyes wide open and because I think you inspired him. You know, you helped him reach those dreams and and figure out a way to get out.

Mm hmm. And and and you know, your father's example and you know, so many things there and we just need to not be afraid of work. And and all these things that you talk about, it's not easy. You know, the things that are worth it are never easy. And um and it takes work and it takes time and and all this and it takes being, being curious and changing our ways to do things and but it's worth it. And I think we all go through those times in those periods where where we, you know, money is tight and and we have to figure it out. But that's not a bad thing. You know the times when we were young and newly married and Mark was in school and you know, living paycheck to paycheck to paycheck. But those were happy times. Mm hmm. We learned so much about ourselves during that time, didn't we?

I think that's something the word that comes to mind is humble, right? And when you can humble yourself in those situations and know that okay, I'm not where I want to be. But I can work towards something else. I think that's the biggest thing because then when you get there it's like, you know what, I deserve everything that's come my way and if you don't learn to be humble as well, life will find a way to teach it to you anyway. So Yeah, exactly and you enjoy it so much more, you know that having that humility and working for and and following that plan, that vision that you've created on that whiteboard in your office, you know the steps to get to whatever that is that's fulfilling, you know, is having something just handed to you. You know, a minute ago Tanya you said something about change being difficult and I think that you you hit the nail on the head just there and the fact that change is difficult because maybe we're not humble, maybe that humility isn't there for us to recognize that uh that uh yeah, I really do need to change.

Sometimes we know that we need to change, but we're not willing to make that change because we lack the humility and we we try to justify our current behavior to to saying it's it's okay, you know, I'm not going to call my own baby ugly, but we at the same time are our own worst enemies. And and I I appreciate and what you said brian was beautiful about the fact that sometimes others whether they're a mentor, whether they're a parent, whether a sibling or something else they see something in us that we don't see ourselves, that is so important. And and I I just don't want to under emphasize just how important that really is is a mentor. I believe that one of the most important skills that a mentor can bring is to help that person to recognize their value, their ability and their, their faith and their trust in that person and their abilities. And so thank you both for for bringing that up.

I think that is so important. Let's let's maybe change for a second to to parenting. Uh you know, I know that that's probably you know if if there's anything that gets our heart beating any faster than it needs to be, it's usually because because our our our Children do something say something. They, they know what they know what. Uh huh. Tell our listeners how you work with your Children and helping them to understand their potential and not letting them get to that point where they begin to rattle the chain, begin to make it uncomfortable for the other members of the family. Mm hmm. Well I would say number one, a lot of the way we've been parenting lately is tag team. Actually not lately, pretty much this whole journey. But especially now as the kids are older right in the moment, um you know, even just thinking with her oldest, he does better getting direction and getting clarification from brian.

I'm sensing it's because brian is cool, calm and collected most of the time where I tend to not be, let's just put it that way so brian can come in and like speak calmly and peacefully to him. I mean not you know, not all the time but and within those situations where there's direction that's needed, it's been working a lot better than coming in the dynamic parent duo, two people at a time to tell you what now you've done wrong and how you need to change type thing. Right? So it's a blessing to have two parents that are able to sort of okay, you know what tag you're in and um be able to try to deal with those situations also just see it's been hard over the last two years with the pandemic, right? The kids start a sport then they got to stop the sport because they're a lockdown or what have you. So I've been noticing a lot lately is the lack of motivation and not just our kids, but I think kids in general in general.

Yeah. Right. So it's like you're trying to teach these kids and keep in mind because our personalities, we love like to just I guess you could say hustle, we love to be always doing something and when you see that lack of motivation it does get frustrating, right? So it's to pull that out but still in a gentle way. So how I know like I've been doing it is everybody's having responsibilities right? Like we are a team and we do all have to work together. So one of the our boys tonight after school, I actually, it's interesting because I didn't even have to ask this time around. He saw I was making a meal, he knows how to cook. So he just took over and I was like, okay, we're getting there because normally I would have to be like, hey, can you help me with dinner? Right, well I want to do a B and C. Well no, leave the video games away. And it also helped that he was grounded from that tonight too. So that was, that was it right there. Let's gear up but consequences. It was just that little push to start and all I said was can you help cut the chicken right and get it in the pan and start cooking it.

And then next thing he's like, oh I got the broccoli, I got this, I got this, okay and I'll do this. So that kind of stuff is nice to see because you are pulling it out of them. But it's, I'm learning, it's not by okay. And now you need to do this and now you need to do this right And gently just saying start and then you know what they're going to pick it up because they have learned over the years, these our expectations of them. You know, you, you talk about something that we often refer to the word unity and when we talk about unity, especially in families, it's typically a conversation about parenting. We we've got to be unified. We we've got to discipline is a unified parentage there. But you, you made me think of something else and that is what you did this evening was you didn't just create unity between the two of you. You tried to create unity between your entire family. And I think that that is really a critical component, especially in the last two years as we've been together much more than we have before.

And I hope that we don't lose that that idea of unity as things begin to open up a little bit more in the coming months, days, years, whatever the case might be. So. But one of the things that I also appreciated in this story and example of tonight is that your son knows the expectations and you know, as a family and this is something that, that we tried, you know, it was our family's responsibility and it's not just mom and dad, but each of us have a responsibility. There is that expectation to help with dinner, to help with, you know, to do all these things that it's not. I feel like we're doing our Children in an injustice if we don't have expectations. Yeah, I've been a little bit more extreme. I guess you can say these, um, over the five years that I've been home and obviously that they're at that age where they can help and you know participate because I never want them to think, oh well mom's here all the time, she can just do it herself, right?

They don't see me running out the door with my coffee mug in my hand and all stressed like I used to be. So I never want them to think that oh you can, you can make my lunch, you can do this, you can do the laundry right? Because it's easy to have that expectation. So it definitely is, you know what everybody's helping and sometimes it is, I have to like, okay and this is next and this is next and you got to keep going, but it is now getting to that stage where they know and I'm trying to not be that bother of, oh have you done this yet? But back to your original question mark about how we kind of recognize their their strength and and really draw those out of them. So a couple of things, they're like each, each of our four kids. Again, the same two parents have been raised in the same house for very different personalities, even the twins very polar opposites at a lot of, in a lot of ways, but you know, our eldest, he's he's more quiet and reserved, he likes more things that, you know involve thinking so you know, he likes building things uh you know that's kind of where I see his strength lying, so trying to, trying to, you know feed on that.

Uh the twins, the our son, he's very, he likes athletic endeavors. Both the oldest two, they're both, you know, they're both very athletic. They like athletic things and he's really creative. Like he comes up with these ideas like he like he always likes to do a movie night as a family, like on a friday or saturday and you know, sometimes when we have a movie night he makes tickets and you know, he'll he'll have a, he draws the living, he draws out our family room, you know, where which seat do you want? They're all numbered. So we get a ticket to the seat that we want to sit in, you know, so he really, that's kind of something that he's taken on is like that created that creativity. So trying to find ways to harness that as well. Our daughter, she's really talented musically and artistically and you know, just really seeing her flourish in those areas. So you know, she's recently started doing drum lessons. So you know, just, and and just really again, she enjoys these things and you can see her really having that motivation having that joy when she's doing them. So trying to feed off that the youngest now the five year old, it's funny right now, it's it's hard to tell, but like I know one thing for sure, he's competitive.

So if I need him to do something like, you know, if you know it's time to brush your teeth, he doesn't want to like, okay, well I'm gonna get to the bathroom before you. Then it turns into a race. So he's there and he's brushing his teeth, right? So it's, yeah, it's just finding all that. And some of the ways, one of the things that I'm gonna be doing with my son and we were just talking about this the other day, the Clifton strengths finder. So it's it's an assessment that you can do is just you just answered answered questions and it actually works really well, tells you what your top strengths there and you know, for me, I've done this recently, for me it's individualization, so recognizing specific things about people. But yeah, so I want to give him the chance to do this so he can, so he can see where his strength, strong points are and really, you know, we can, because it actually gives you tools, gives you an action plan to work on developing the strengths. So really just to build his confidence as well, and he's at a perfect age where he can actually start benefiting from something like that. So that's one thing that we're gonna be doing this week, that is so cool, you know, and this isn't a question for, for you, but it's a question for our listeners and I would I would ask our listeners how many of you work on, on the strengths that your, your Children have, how many of you are able to be unified in that way that you're able to not only identify their strengths, but work with them to enhance their strengths to be something that will allow them to flourish.

I mean, I I'm listening to both of you talk and and I'm loving the dynamics of the family. You know, there there there are certain dynamics that you see with families, whether they're successful families and you, you can, you can define successful anyway, you want to, but in my book, a successful family is a unified family and, and I I see, I see in the two of you, what we're talking about that, that unification that is necessary so that all of you are together. And I would also suspect that the drum lessons are, are cool for the other kids. They love to see their, their siblings flourish as well. And so I I, you know, listeners, you know, as you have a chance to consider family dynamics, consider some of what we're hearing from from brian and Tanya, consider having family councils together, consider family nights, we, when our kids were in the, in our home, we would strive every week to have one night as a family night where we would do something together and and with that we would try to have a family council and and we would be together and and again that unity is not, I'll tell you I, and this is, you know, we want to hear more from you.

But just a quick, quick experience. I had one time as a church leader, I had the Children of a family come in and say, Brother Anderson, you've got to help our parents, they think we're unified, but we're not, we're ready to pull out a full out revolution against their parents. And, and I have the parents into, into the office and I talked to them and they felt that everything was perfect. They thought that they were unified, not realizing that unification includes more than just the two of them. What they were looking at was a dictatorship versus versus a unified family well, and what I, I really appreciate brian and Tanya, you know, it's like tag you're in, it's not your, it, it's like you're in, it's, you know, you're part of this, but then helping them to be able to succeed, you know, you know, this is their strength, you know, this is their interest.

So we're going to help you succeed and have, have a success. Life is hard. It's hard to grow up and to be a teenager. And so if they could have, you know what it's like to work and to succeed at something, you know, that's gonna benefit them and bless their lives. And the other thing I'm thinking is, I'm reflecting back to how we were with our Children when they were young. And I wish we would have done a little bit more of what you're doing. It's like, hey, everybody is going to take piano. Well, you know, I get read would have loved the drums. I mean, you're just like, you're going to do this. You know, this is what we do and, and it, it was great for somewhere Piano really was a gift of theirs and what they wanted to do. But others, it would have been something else. And so if you have an opportunity, friends and you're out there and you're raising your Children, it's okay to shift and a pivot and to do things in a different way.

And I was gonna say, it's not always the most convenient, don't get me wrong because it would be really convenient to take four kids to piano lesson on saturday morning or hockey. Right, Right. Hockey is never convenient really early. It's cold, but you know what I mean? And the one thing I was thinking is as parents, we often see the gifts and talents our kids have. But what can be really hard sometimes is when they don't see it or aren't confident in it and um, like that's our job to help pull it out of them. I do believe that. And you know, you know, maybe it's doing a strength finders test, maybe obviously for a five year old, it's not that, but introducing them to other things, right? Because we see it? And I find, you know, especially the teenagers, the preteens and stuff like that. They're not confident sometimes in their decisions. Maybe they haven't been able to even make their own decisions, right? So that's a big one that we believe in.

And uh it's funny because you know, unified don't get us wrong. Should I was just thinking when you said that, I'm like right at dinner tonight, right before we opened the bible to read it, there were kids like name calling and pushing each other around. So, you know, it's like every other household you're sitting too close to me, you talked to mike. So there are some normal things going on in the Oh yeah, no, no, it's not. It's not like it's not perfect, you know, everything was perfect there, but You can strive for those things and if you hit it 50% of the time, that's amazing, you know, to win. And, and so, but I love that it is our role and responsibility to help our Children succeed and have come, you know, gained confidence and learn and grow and that applies to us as grandparents or parents or aunts and uncles, that's our job. You know, there's a very important question that we can ask, I learned this in a communication class years ago and it's a very simple question and it's very, very simple.

It's what do you want? You know, I think that maybe we might look at that smugly sometimes as a what do you want to quit bothering me. But but a serious question of our Children of what, what do you want? That would have saved me a lot of money when our kids were growing up, instead of buying a brand new violin for a daughter that didn't want to play the violin, it would have been much easier to just ask that simple question. Melissa, What do you want? Well, we've talked about mentorship, we've talked about about our Children and I think that we've touched on some really important principles there. Maybe we could spend the last few minutes talking about marriage and relationships. And I'm going to ask an out there question and maybe it's not that out there as you think it is, but in your relationship as a couple, what's the best advice that you could give our listeners as to what success looks like in the Hamiltons household?

Right. I want to take this. Yeah, sure. I guess I'll start it off. And actually I had one thing to the question that you gave Mark, another question that I that I really like, I found it in the coaching habit and I use it, you know, at work at home as well as what's on your mind because it's a very open ended question and you know, it's it's not forcing the conversation to go one way so you can really get to the heart of the issue, but um in terms of what, what, you know, relationships and what success looks like for us, the one thing I'll say for, for folks out there who aren't married yet, plan for the marriage and plan for their marriage more than you do for the wedding. I find that's one thing that's a stumbling block for a lot of people as they plan for the day. You know, how many, how many people are going to be in their bridal party, You know what they're going to serve what, you know, what, what songs are going to have, they spend all this time planning and don't think past that day. Um you know, I know of a couple recently that was engaged that called off their engagement and you know, this was after. I can't remember how long they were engaged, but this is something that hadn't come up in conversation was one of them didn't want to have kids.

So that's, that's a, you know, that's a pretty important, pretty important conversation to have. So having those conversations in advance about, you know, finances and how that's going to look, um, you know, who's going to, you know, maybe who's going to take the lead on that, how, you know how you're gonna save money, things of that nature like where you want to be. So those are important conversations to have, focusing on the relationship more than just a day for us once we had kids. One of the things that, that I was big on, I don't remember where I learned this, it was, it was definitely in something, it was something that I read, I did, I did a lot of reading to try to prepare for parenting and being a husband, but you know, just getting advice from people who had done it well, but remembering that once the kids are grown up, they're gone and it's back to just being the two of you. Yeah, so you know, don't, don't get, don't get so caught up in the the kids that you lose that relationship with each other. So we, you know, we still, we still do date nights, date night, date nights are important, you know, and we have, we're conveniently enough we have neighbors, another christian family who has four kids as well, so we'll take turns babysitting each other's kids once a month so that the other couple can get out and do something and you know, then you're not having to worry about paying for a babysitter.

Well technically we're, we're in a good spot now because their eldest is old enough to babysit, we hit that sweet spot, just making sure to have the time for each other and you know, one of the rules when we have date nights is that we don't talk about the kids great, which could be so hard, it is a great rule to have because we need to stay connected to each other and not just so so brian that that message of planning for the marriage more than planning for the wedding. So it is so universal, it's not just about marriage and at that time it's it's it's really about life and you know as a financial planner, you know, it's it's not uh I'm gonna I'm gonna steal that from you, I love that uh you know the the wedding isn't as important as the planning for the marriage.

And so I so Tanya, I told you you're gonna have a turn as well, so tell us your advice and your admonition in a successful relationship. So I know people are gonna think of this, but strategic planning, right? We think of this in boardrooms at work and all that kind of stuff, but it's so important to do together as a couple and um just where do you see our marriage going? And this, it doesn't need to be once a year january 1st, right? It can be revolving having those conversations, do you need to sit down and make it this corporate thing. You know, sometimes it's on the brian's, you know, has a few minutes in between a meeting and he's coming upstairs and he throws an idea out, right? It's just always having that consistent conversation and always striving to move forward. It could be business endeavors, it could be, you know, even just in regards to the kids, but that's a big one for us and I think the other one too is we're we are a team, right? So that tag in.

So there's no um one upping is what I would say. There was a time where I was making a lot more money than brian and it was never, you know, oh my goodness. I can't believe you're, you know, this is where you are and that right? And we've sorted that's gone with us all these years to now, you know, I have the ability to work if I want to work, not work if I want to work, right? And it's just we do what we need to do to get to where we want to go. However that looks, you know, the overnight shifts at some point in our marriage or you know, working at a coffee shop. However it looks just keep moving. I know that when one wins, the other one wins. I know it sounds cliche but it's so true. And the other thing, the other thing I would say that's not popular. But I'll say it anyways is someone has to, there's two of you. Someone has to be the tiebreaker. Mm hmm. So, so how does that work in your home? It depends on the situation, it's always a tiebreaker in our home here. I'll say, yeah, it depends on what it is.

Like I'll say typically I'll be the tiebreaker but it depends, there's certain things where, you know, we've done a lot of renovations and you know if we're trying to figure out something, if we have a, you know if we wanted to pick a different tile for example for a bathroom, you know if we, we both feel strongly about something I'm going to defer because For me I don't really care, you know, really, it's something like that. I'd just rather not hear complaining about it for the next 15 years. So you know, you you know it's true though, whoever, you know, whatever that situation is, whoever stronger in it for sure. It only makes sense because guess what I mean? Yeah, we can yeah, exactly and we can potentially give the wrong suggestion and you know, there'll be feel like we do have failures too. But the reality is I'm gonna why not go with brian's idea if he's already, he knows he's already been there, done that in this situation, right? It only makes sense or by person but you but you're right, Tanya as you, as you were discussing a moment ago, uh strategic strategic planning is critical.

I don't think that change likes uh like surprise and and when we can have those conversations on the get go, you know from the from the front end, I think it makes things much easier. You know, I I had had one thing as well when it comes to the tiebreaker, we we always talk about the practicality, you know when it comes to tile, I could care less. But when it when it comes to the practicality of a major purchase or something, we we know that the other is not going to make a major purchase and and and major is is a it's it's all relative. But unless if something costs more than $100 or so we're going to have a conversation about where we're not going to be in a position where that change when I come home from work or if I bring something home from work, there's not going to be a surprise associated with that change because we have already had that strategic planning session. Right? And that's something that now, you know, it's not something it's just how it is.

You know, that's that's a part of yes, you know the planning that we made for for our life and to reach certain goals and that's the strategic planning and the goals and where we want to be in, you know, two years or five years and Or 10 years there are certain things we need to do to be able to be there. And you know, another thing too with with all of this is where are you know Tanya? I know you're you know brian's greatest cheerleader. Yeah and and I know brian you're Tanya's greatest cheerleader, it's not a competition. You know, we're in this together and and as brian succeeds, your family succeeds. And as Tanya as you succeed brian your family succeeds. And so that's where I feel so bad with when I see people and individuals who it's it is almost this competition.

Yeah. And that's not the way that I want to live my life. And I know that's not how you want to live your life. We got married to be married and to be partners and to to strive to do things together. That unity to become. There's so much more we can become together than single. So brian and Tanya, I warned you at the very beginning of our conversation that this was a a back porch conversation. You know what? We're almost into this conversation an hour and we haven't even touched on one question that I have written down yet. You know what? I hope you've got another couple. No, I'm just kidding. No, no, no. We won't do that to you. But we may have you on again because we love your counsel. We love how you I think and and more than anything else, we love how you think together that that is so important in any relationship, but especially in a marriage and relationship like you to have you you to truly do have a god centered relationship.

You complement one another. So I'm just gonna ask one last question. Uh and and it's it's an encompassing question and we we've talked about mentorship. We've talked about parenting. We've talked about marriage. But if I could ask you one piece of advice, you talked to a lot of people on your podcast and you've been on a number of podcasts and you've had a chance to reflect on on those podcasts. Has there been one or two gems that you have gained over the last year or so that you could share with our listeners? That would be a great way to close out our conversation today. You can start yourself. Okay? So oh man, so many good conversations, but I'm just going with the first one that comes to mind, not necessarily even regarding this conversation, but we spoke to Carol Ward and she talked about confidence and man, it was so neat to see how do you give your confidence and compliments?

How to give a compliment, but also how to receive it. And sometimes when we don't receive something that somebody shared, it really just stops them to from wanting to give out compliments in the future, right? So for our society it's almost like a pride thing. You want to minimize everything good. Somebody says to you right? Because you feel like well Irene, maybe we already know it right? But just being able to give a compliment, but the biggest thing for me has been to receive it. So it's I've been working on it and whether somebody said something about I don't know anything, thank you very much and not just being like, oh it was nothing or you know, you don't have to worry about it right? Actually giving back to that person because they leave feeling filled from what they gave because sometimes it can be awkward to you know, you think of strangers and you know you just spew something out and you're like, oh no, I wonder how this person is going to receive this, but you know what? They may go and share something with their family about something you said to them and then it just trickles down.

So that's the first one that came to my mind. Yeah. And actually I'll kind of build on that as well and giving compliments, giving compliments in the moment. So when you know, not to um not to hold that compliment back. So if somebody does something good, you want to make sure like I, and I've tried to do this at work as well, we're gonna call and somebody's, somebody does or says something and it makes me think okay, I need to, I need to let them know that was positive. I'll just call them right away and and let them know and you know, trying to do that at home as well. Yeah, yeah, don't don't leave those until you forget about the, make sure that you deliver that you know deliver that complement really quickly, but for myself again, just thinking back to so many of the people we had on uh one that comes to mind is Merrick Rosenberg or Lindsay Lohan Paquette uh, and because a lot of what they were talking about was it was around communication and so many things come back to communication. So if I was to give one piece of advice just based on what I've learned in life and at work at home from interviewing people for the different podcasts that I do, if you want to excel in any of those areas become a strong communicator and there's lots of ways that you can improve in that area.

There's again, there's lots of books about the, about communication. I have, I think I have a whole two sections of my bookshelf that's just focused on communication. So communication is key, it's just going to help you make the most out of a number of different situations. But if you want to share one story because I feel like we've been a little bit too to, to uh, I feel like we've been pedestal eyes a little bit in this interview. I want to talk about something that we, you know, a situation where we didn't communicate well And it was, it was you know with, with the example that you gave mark and purchased over $100. So there was a point where we had a vehicle breakdown. I needed a new vehicle, just for for working for day to day and you know, we had this conversation and we communicated and we had a different view of that conversation I guess. So I told Tanya, okay, well I'm gonna go look at some cars today at the Kia dealership. They, you know, I got, they approved my financing. So I'm gonna go and go look at some cars now when I came home and she's like, oh, how'd that go? I was like, okay. So yeah, I bought a Kia forte. She's like, well I thought you were going to look and I was like, I'm going to look because I need a car.

It was already approved what, what you know, because I tend to make decisions pretty quickly. I, I don't need a whole lot of time and once I have all the information, you know, basically for me, I, I'm 63. I made sure I fit in the car and I did. So I was like, okay, where do I sign? So so that was so you know, that was, that was a pain point for us for a little bit. And it was even, it was even better when we, when I was going to pick up the car and my daughter asked daddy what color is your car? And I said it is black or charcoal because I had the option. I was like either either one's fine. Black is my first choice charcoal charcoal if you don't have black. So it's like you didn't even then that got her started, You didn't even pick the color of the car. You don't even know what color your car is gonna be like, I don't care. I'm going to see it from the inside. I don't care what it looks like outside. But I went all the renovation, uh, wars, I guess you could say he's like whatever you want. I could very easily lead to divorce.

I wasn't happy for a few days, but you get over it, right. She drives the car more than I do really get over it. And there are. And that's interesting because we all have those conversations where we think we think we've discussed it and we think we've come to a conclusion and, and maybe we both left having a different idea of what that conclusion was that happened here to. I'll tell you brian and Tanya, this has been a delightful hour. We we we've had such a great time is a good thing that we're not next door neighbors because we've been spending an awful lot of time on the back court. It would definitely be worth it. And and we, we we, we love what you've had to share and and to say. And and we we love your humility and and uh, that that is that is a critical component to anyone's success friends. We've enjoyed talking today with brian and Tanya Hambleton.

We hope that you've enjoyed our conversation as well as we've discussed. And you know, we always try to put a topic in mind there. And something that you said Tonya uh, continues to resonate in my mind and that is disrupting the status quo. We've talked about disrupting the status quo in a positive and fulfilling way today, and we we appreciate your experience, we appreciate your willingness to share. Each of us have a story to share, and the stories and experiences that our guests share, inspire us, as well as to help us to grow and connect with others listeners. We invite you to become a part of Karen below community through social media, as well as to share the site with those that, you know, as well. We are stronger together. Keep Karen

Disrupting the Status Quo: : How To Create A Vision That Changes Everything
Disrupting the Status Quo: : How To Create A Vision That Changes Everything
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