Virgo Vibes

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Ep #17: leave Virgos the f*** alone + don't judge me for my boundaries

by Elizabeth Jankovic
February 21st 2021
00:32:21
Description

Hi guys! In this podcast, I talk about my experience with anxiety and how I prefer my alone time with my introverted-ness.  Subscribe and check out all my work on my Linktree!!

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let me talk to you guys about anchor the platform. I use to make my podcast best yet. It's free, no fees, nothing like that. They're also creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or computer. One of the best parts about Tinker is that they distribute your podcast for you. So you can be heard on Spotify, apple podcasts and many more platforms. It's the easiest way to get started making a podcast in my opinion. You can also make money from your podcast with no minimum listenership. So download the free anger app or go to anchor dot FM to get started right now. Hello guys, it's me, Elizabeth Jankovic, the host of this podcast called Virgo Vibes. Um I'm doing another video podcast, a visual podcast. So if you're listening on Spotify or Apple podcasts or another podcast listening platform and you're into the visuals, you can come over to Youtube and see me speak into my microphone.

So I'm actually vlogging today slash vlogging at least part of the day at least the morning and it is 2 51 PM right now um I am, I am dressed in a light gray honey. I actually got it from, was it prime work? Yes, I got it from Primark. So if you are subscribed to me, youtube, you can go check out my primary call and I literally looked like a bomb right now. I do. I do because that's just like guys, oh you know why I'm just like this Perfect segue into the theme, the topic of today's podcast, I'm anxious. I am very anxious and when I'm anxious, I feel like I just need to hide and I love hiding in big grey hoodies. So I wrote down what I wanted to talk about literally me writing down what I want to talk about definitely made me more anxious because I knew I was gonna be talking about anxiety.

Okay, so let's just get into it. Also pause. I am really full right now because I just ate a bunch of sushi, anxiously, anxiously ate a bunch of sushi. Like After one PM I started getting anxious. So uh okay, whatever, let's just all right. So anyway, um I, I really don't think I ever had anxiety until like 2020 particularly like Summer 2020 onward. Like in the beginning I was chilling guys in the beginning of quarantine chilling Virgos introverts. Like thank God we did not need to go out and see people, we didn't need to do things whether people go to the house, whatever. Everything I could just have my alone time at home. Like, oh, like I think because I had classes and stuff and a remote internship, I was always like, like I was expected to be busy in my room doing my classwork and homework and whatever and zoom and like my family gave me my space and in the summer I feel like I didn't have as much space, but like the summer was whatever, Okay, I got anxiety in the summer and then just related to like, I don't know, um, not being alone anymore, like living at home back in the house instead of in a dorm where I had my own room and I could do whatever I wanted and I didn't have to check in with people every single day and have people know when I wake up and what I'm doing and that I'm using the bathroom.

So um, anyway, I started feeling anxious living at home last summer and then I got the dorm again in the fall and then boom, I moved back home because I graduated, so I graduated and it is mid february and I was just talking about this in my vlog, but like I was like, fuck, like it's mid february and I still don't have a lead on a job, just like applying here and there sometimes because the day to day anxiety, like I'm not actually able to do my routine stuff anyway, so like the big things that I want to do, I feel like I haven't been able to do because literally I'm just focused on like waking up and I'm working out and like applying acting things and you know, filming my youtube content and recording my podcast content and eating healthy, you know, eating healthy baby sitting here and there or whatever, but it's like, I literally, I just don't understand, I don't know, I'm disappointed in myself at the time flew by and it's already mid february, but it's also not my fault.

Okay. And this is very blame the fact that I live in a house with four other people. Okay, so let's just get into it. Okay, so I keep saying that was, oh, sorry guys, I feel rusty, I'm anxious, I'm anxious. What do you expect for me? I just can't do this podcast normally right now. So I'm a very private person. I'm just gonna start reading my notes. Look, we're just going to go with it. Um I'm a very private person, which may seem kind of like oxymoron, you literally have youtube channel, you like you do modeling, acting whatever your on screen a lot, you have platforms, right? But with my thoughts and my routines and my mindset and whatever, like I just need to be alone. I knew I knew I could not have a roommate because like, I just like I do my things in a particular way, but I just started, I do my routines in a very particular way and the hashtag burger vibes, I just like, I like things the way I like them and I don't like when my plans get changed, you know, and when you live in a household with other people, it kind of is based off of the vibes of other people around you, like me recording amok pong, I can't do that in my kitchen unless the house is empty, right?

So I'm always going to do it up here, move along slash eat with me, whatever you want to call it. I literally couldn't even do it right now because I'm so anxious this podcast actually like I kind of just wing it, I'm like okay, I hope nobody is like in the house right now and I don't want to do it super super late at night because I like to project, you know, I am a theater minor, I am an actress, I like to project so um I can't really do it like the dead of night people are my bitch, shut the fuck up. So anyway I um yeah I have my things right and I like to think through my routines, whatever in my brain, my brain the way I think I'm constantly thinking, my brain is constantly running, constantly going, thoughts are constantly happening. And if I get a text a phone call, if somebody speaks to me, if I hear a noise like literally like if someone tries to hold a conversation with me and I'm thinking about something, I'm sorry, I cannot pay attention to you if I need to sort out my thoughts. But then if I pause my thoughts and I focus on you and we try to have a conversation during the conversation, I'm probably gonna be anxious thinking about the thoughts that I put on pause and then I'm gonna be even more anxious after the conversation because I'm like oh shit that conversation probably triggered even more thoughts that are gonna pile onto the thoughts that already piled up and backed up here.

So do I have A. D. H. D. I think so. I think I do. I think I do. I'm going to move the microphone. Oh gosh I hate making the noise. Okay so my thoughts Are just constantly running. And the best way for me to process my thoughts is when I'm alone you know zero people. zero distraction. 0 anything like that. So if I'm not alone A. K. A. The past 67 weeks eight weeks then I'm just constantly anxious, constantly shaking. That's why going on drives. That's why I like when I'm like I can disconnect from my phone. My last podcast was literally about disconnecting from people in the social media whatever and trying to breathe a little bit but breathing from like my um did I like I don't even know breathing from my uh social media messages or whatever is one thing because then it's like okay now if I'm trying to process and I'm not on my phone or computer or whatever people in my household maybe trying to like interfere with that.

So then it's just like God God I feel like there's no escape. I feel like I'm never alone and that's what it comes down to leave Virgos the fuck alone. At least this girl at least this Virgo. Um So yeah I like need to be left alone because also like I even somebody walking near me like and I'm on my phone, I will lock the screen, I will turn it face down. I will swipe the app away because like I just can't photos messages like anything. Like it's not even necessarily like oh so it's like I just don't want you asking me questions. I don't want questions like like I don't like having to explain myself and explain my thinking or my process like my to do list. All right, I have a to do list every single day. I do not let people see my to do this right? It's not like I'm doing sketchy shit in a day. It's just like bro, don't look at my to do list. It's very personal, it's very private. Like uh even this having my note pad out right now, it's like I'm actually going to talk about all these things, but I'm still like, oh I don't want you guys to see my notes even though the notes related for this podcast.

So I just don't like when people look at my fucking own my notes, my messages, my photos, like I just don't like it. Like I will always be hiding my little things and being private not because I have something to hide, but because I just don't want you getting in any of my business. Like I don't want a question, I just don't want these questions popping up. So yeah, what I write down? I lock my door a lot If that's what I wrote down, I lock my door a lot. I don't like when people see what I'm doing. Mhm I just don't like it. Like if it's a youtube yes, I'm choosing I want people to see it and I get to edit it and I recorded whatever, but it's like, it's just my day to day. Like I don't want you to question me and that's what it comes down to people questioning me. People, I feel like judging me right? I locked my drill. I don't like because I feel very judged, that's what I wrote down on my notes because I feel very judged. Example my to do list. People will ask why do certain things like oh I don't I don't want them knowing what are you doing recording like a voice. So very little what is it for bro? Like I just like the energy of having to explain to you is going to push my timeline of me doing my routine back even further okay.

And it's just like stop judging me right? And everybody everybody judging me okay, clearly this is what it comes down to just my whole life. I feel like people are just judging me like with their eyes with their thoughts with everything? Like do you guys feel that way if you want to keep something private, Am I crazy or is it like now? Like these people who, I'm just like why are people like not wanting to be questioned right? Do other people like being private because they don't want to be questioned. They don't necessarily have things to hide. They just don't like being questioned because that's my main thing here. That's that's what I'm coming down to. Okay, but based off of all that right logically logically. Therefore it is easier to be alone because like no questions asked. Like when I'm alone, no questions asked in the city, I could do whatever I want when I had my dorm. Like I could wake up, I could leave my door whenever I want. I can come back whenever, right? Like legit you just get up and go and that's what I love about the city. Everything is so at your hand, I mean obviously during the pandemic things are like paused right?

Like things aren't open At like three am anymore. But if you needed to go to like a deli at three a.m. Or Cbs at three AM, like you usually can and that's just like really odd behavior in the suburbs. So um yeah as I said, uh currently I'm not alone because I live in a house household with other habitants and so um I'm only alone when I'm living alone, which was a period of time at my dorm, I'm about to burp. Gosh. The sushi purpose coming up, I'm just gonna review this first page. Um Yes, okay, okay, very cool. So yeah my thoughts are just always running and in order to process my thoughts and the best way to do that is to be alone. And as I said before, if somebody interrupts me on the phone or like a message, like I tend to want to respond to things right away. So unless I put everything on silent or do not disturb, I will likely respond to it or feel at least the urge to which then interrupts my thoughts and people I r l will interrupt into interrupt my thoughts too and it's just like if I do not get to process these songs, I will fricking bug, I will bug out.

So and again like I just feel like I'm so particular in the way I do things as I've said so many times. And for me it's like if I feel like you're gonna like, if I feel like I can't do something without you asking a question why I'm doing it or what I'm doing which then leads into why are you doing? It was like what are you doing this? Why? Or like oh I'm doing this so that this but why like whatever it's like bro, stop asking questions. I'm perfect, right? I'm a perfectionist so clearly it's working out so stop questioning what I'm doing because like I'm just doing my things and it always works out. I don't know, it's just like yeah, like, I just, this is my next note here. I've been feeling very fed up recently with family slash even, like, not family, like in the sense of like, particular charities, it's just like living with another person, right? So it's not like, oh beef, It's like the presence of other people.

I just can't and I don't know if this is anxiety related to pandemic related to Routines change around and not having complete control over my life, getting close to graduation and then graduating. Like, I don't know if it's related to those actual events or it's just like, it just happened because that's what they say about allergies. You could not be allergic to peanuts and then you're 40 years old and suddenly you're allergic to peanuts, right? And nothing necessarily triggered. It just like happened. I just did my anxiety just happen or is this related to all of these big changes in my life. So yeah, I've been very fed up with just not being able to live alone and do anything whenever I want. Like, having to answer to people. Whoa my God, that's a big thing. Especially for jobs. Like, I don't want a job where I have to kind of answer to somebody like acting yes. Obviously there's a director. Like, there's director to the whole team, but it's a team. That's the thing. Like, y'all are working together and it's a very safe space. I don't know the arts, I just really every so accepting in the arts, you know Youtube, I can do whatever I want, I can make my own things if I have to answer to somebody or report to somebody, that's what I don't like because then you're starting to control me and I'm in charge of controlling me.

Like I'm the controller here if you didn't realize. So yeah that's just how I feel. It's like if if you're gonna be like oh what are you doing? So why don't you do this? Oh you should do this. That's the worst word to use with me. You should you should how about oh I suggest looking into this even though it's kind of annoying actually. But like oh if you're interested. Boom boom problem solved. Just don't tell me what to do because I don't tell you what to do ever ever do. I am not very judgmental out loud. I judged in my head and then I you know, express it positively by giving politely giving suggestions. Right? So alright people, friends whatever any any kind of distraction right now that because I'm not on my own I have to like I don't know I just feel like I have to answer to people. It is very frustrating and so I feel like I can't breathe, that's what that's what I wrote down here, it all feels like I can't breathe and because I'm constantly thinking and I need a process in silence in my own head even conversations or sounds or distraction so that's what I'm like bro do I have a.

D. H. D. If sounds are probably probably I've always thought literally for all of college I thought I had it and I don't know if I I thought I had it in high school maybe but I didn't really say it a lot because people would be like bitch yourself more. You clearly don't have a D. G. But that's like saying you're such a positive person, you're not depressed, you don't have depression. It's like you can express and show one side and then the actual facts and chemical amounts is or another so God. Uh huh. Anyway. Oh yes introvert, introversion, introvert. I am an introvert you know sometimes like but am I an expert extra revert? No because I lose energy when I'm with people it doesn't matter if I love you it doesn't matter if I am you're my best friend and I love you you're my family. If if I want to see you I will still get drained from social interaction and I need to recharge so if I have a little social event I need to recharge you need to have I need like a day to recharge and then I need at least like at least like three days to get into my own little routine again before I can like and then like I need at least half a day to mentally prep for the new thing so it's like say let's say it's sunday and I have a social thing monday, I'm recovering, I'm Loki recovering and getting quote unquote, getting back to my routine and then Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday is like me getting on my routine again but that's only three days out of a week, which is 70s.

So to me that's not a lot of productivity and that's not as good as it could be. This is like what my brain is telling me like oh it's not good enough and then it's like if it's thursday hi just a little bit if then it's like thursday okay and then friday is like okay I'm finishing my productivity over the week or I'm wrapping things up and maybe I'm planning for the following week as well as if like that let's say that saturday or sunday right, I have like a social interaction now I'm preparing, I need like the prepared a before I need the recover day after and then in between is the recharging. But then even the planning planning the social stuff in between would happen during my week of productivity and then that's just like stressing me out even more. So literally like I lose energy from people and doing social things like every week, like I literally can't, I can't, every two weeks is doable every two weeks it's doable just like this podcast, why is the mother is doable? No, but like every two weeks yes I can socialise.

I think, I think sometimes I'm like bro, I need a month bro, I need a year, talk to me next year, like I swear to God, so um yeah, I just like lose energy and like that's how I know that no matter how like fun and friendly I can be hashtag sad rising, I'm still an introvert at heart. Hashtag Ferguson um Oh yeah, I wrote down, I need to recharge, be productive and accomplished goals before moving on to more socialization. It's true. I do, I need to and like just because sometimes I see people like have a normal like okay they can work during the week, maybe they work remotely and then at night they make plans that night and hang out and like even on the weekend and it's like this, when do you do things for yourself? I don't know, like I it stresses me out, seeing other people do a bunch of things, stresses me out. Um So yeah that's just that's all the anxiety I've been feeling and it's like what do I even, I don't even know what to do to me, it's like well the solution is to move out, but it's like I then then moving the process of getting an apartment and moving would feel like I feel like I can't do something like that until I have a solid foundation, so at first I was like damn, like I don't even have a job yet.

I don't even have an apartment, but then I'm like, bitch, if I thought about starting a new job right now or, or moving, it would cause me even more anxiety because I feel like my foundation is not set yet. Like, I think I'm getting better. Like, I think maybe I'm like, like, let's say from when I graduated from okay now, graduate from when I finished school and moved out to now, I feel like I've built up like 40% 40% 40% of the foundation, 40 40 That's all a lot. That's all it was less than half. So like, then I'm like, all right, well, if I still haven't gotten to a good place with myself right? Which is clearly taking longer than expected because of all of this newfound anxiety of living back home after you graduate college, I'm like, okay, well, if I still don't have a good foundation with myself yet, then it makes sense that my timeline for these things is more pushback and also, it's not really pushed back because I graduated early. So boom mic drop. I actually am still perfect. Uh so, um, what's the other thing that I wrote?

Yeah, yeah, I'm just like, oh, I spoke about it. Like I needed to give myself more credit. I feel like I need to give myself more credit um, for the things I have accomplished because I have been sticking to my youtube channels and posting, I have like made like, you know, applied to things, made my youtube a little neater, cleaned up some things, cleaning up things as important. Actually, I went through, I deleted shitty, low quality crappy videos or private at them and I've actually been doing that with this podcast. Do there's some and I'm like, why? Why did you think this would be a good podcast idea? It just doesn't make sense. So I took those down and cleaning virtually like your photos, your email going through your emails, God and your room like physical stuff like digitally and virtually and physically spring cleaning is very important. So I have made progress. I literally guys, I adopted hamsters. I don't think I told anybody yet on the channel.

I adopted hamsters. Like taking care of those have been uh like a daily thing and maybe I can do a little video introducing them to everybody. Maybe I'll do that today because I am vlogging today. So I'll try to do that. But I don't know, I feel like I need to give yourself more credit and everybody tells me that you. So yeah, that's just how I've been feeling. Used to give myself more credit. So then, oh, this is, I always try to turn it around to the end of my podcast and be like, this is what you can take away. So remember stick to your routines, okay, don't let people push boundaries with you because that's what I've been feeling lately. I've been feeling like I'm letting my boundaries and my lines be crossed over, and then at the end of the day it's like bitch, I knew I was right, I knew this fucked me up. This fucked me up. But it's like, damn, I should have treated myself with respect because sometimes I'm like, I'm a people pleaser, so I don't want people to get mad at me. So if they want to hang out with me or see me, I'm like, okay, then I must do this even though the greater good of all concerned is not actually gonna be happy if I'm still anxious, like I haven't built that solid foundation, like, you know, oh God, I just hit if you think um so do things for you, honey honey bun, Do things for you self care, getting enough sleep, eating good, right?

Making sure you're feeling good, dressing cute, taking care of yourself and then writing down things that you want to get done today and getting them done. Don't let people distract you set up a good structure for yourself. How I will hopefully in my next podcast have more tips on that because clearly, um I need to do that for myself, right? Like how to create a structure for yourself when you're living at home, right? Hopefully I have more tips in one of my next episodes on that, but really like I, I'm telling this to my podcast as a reminder to myself that I need to do things for me more, like I feel like I don't do enough for me, I feel like a lot of things I've done living my whole life is for other people sometimes, what I write down, trust myself, do things for me. Underlined me sometimes, feels like I'm making choices for the benefit of others. Like what? No, you can't even benefit other people if you're not okay yourself, at least I can't, I can't pretend to be happy if I'm fucked up mentally, like it's really difficult for me to do that and I feel like the people who don't respect your choices, like, hey, I actually can't do this today, or I can't talk to you right now, because I need to do that.

The people would take that personally, are being manipulative and and rude and inconsiderate, give you respect, I always respect other people's time, I don't judge other people, so if I need to breathe and if I'm flexible with other people, I need other people to be flexible with me, okay, like, let me make my own choices, because as soon as I'm like, oh wow, I'm going to ex ERT I'm going to exercise, like I'm going to exercise, like, what's it called? Like, exert, like I'm going to stand up for myself and try to make a choice for myself as soon as I do that sometimes it's met with back lash. And I'm like, what? I literally trying to do one thing for myself. Like, and now you're like mad at me. Right, check yourself, check yourself. Oh gosh guys, deep breath in, Oh out literally when I'm anxious, I just need to take a few deep breaths. Now we did it together and now we're feeling good. This podcast is therapy for me elsewhere.

Um so yeah, I just need to do more things for me and realize other people, if they have a problem with it, that's their problem, not mine to deal with. Mike drop boom. Um and also give yourself enough credit for things you have accomplished during a pandemic and getting up every day eating food, dressing yourself. You know, it's the little things, but there are things that I have accomplished so far and I'm just like, oh, like I haven't done anything I forget. I should write like a done list. Like, you know, some people have to do list and some people have done lists. Like I should write down the big things I've done because I swear as soon as one thing is done, I'm like, what's the next thing I can do? And I forget that it was important to. So yeah, mm, doing these really, people giving myself enough credit doing things for me. Yeah. I just feel like people are not respecting my boundaries. Like there are a lot of posts these days on instagram at least on my feet and stories that are like if someone doesn't respect your boundaries or like get better at saying no and setting up your boundaries and I have tried setting up boundaries and I feel like they still get walked over and it's like this person needs to learn or we don't talk to them anymore.

Sorry, my stomach is making noises because I just ate sushi. Um yeah, I think that is pretty much everything and I recommend to you guys, right? Like just listen to this podcast and if you agree with it, right, this is your little sign that it's okay if you feel the things I'm feeling, it's like, wow shit, she feels that way too. So guess what? This is normal and it's okay and it's valid, right? I was doing a meditation, I don't know if it's yesterday today and it's basically like, oh, if you are anxious, it's okay to be anxious. You have to accept yourself as being anxious right now. Like don't get mad at yourself for being anxious because I was like, do I get mad at myself for being anxious to, and I was like, I guess I do like there's like, oh I'm anxious, I shouldn't be or like why? And then it's like trying to place blame somewhere and then sometimes I'm like bitch, why are you anxious today? You have a bunch of things you need to do today. It's like I was like shit. So do I judge myself sometimes.

So don't judge yourself. Take care of yourself. Set boundaries and try to clearly explicitly communicate with people. Why not? Why not? Why actually that you need that you have boundaries and if they question them, maybe maybe I guess you have to explain line, but I feel like you should not have to explain. I feel like having to explain yourself is someone trying to find a reason to tell you you're wrong. And if they're your boundaries, it's not wrong, right? Boundaries are boundaries, boundaries are boundaries. Don't judge me for my boundaries. I don't judge me and my fellow Virgo queens or whatever your sunshine is and other signs for our boundaries because you're just an asshole. If you're not expecting accepting and respecting the boundaries. Um Anyway, yeah, take care of yourself, put yourself first because you can't be there for other people. And if you also feel like you're making choices for other people, you and I both, sweetie, we gotta work on our boundary setting and staying strong and realizing we can't people please all the time because if you only people please and you're not pleasing yourself, then you can't even people please because you're gonna be crabby toward them.

At least I am. I get very upset with other people if I'm not okay with myself. So what have we learned today Elizabeth needs to set a good foundation for yourself and realize that she has come and not a long way. She's come away and made some progress and that's great. And we should celebrate those little achievements while continuing to move forward and you guys should do. And hopefully my next podcast, I have fun routine tips and tricks and boundary setting tips and tricks. If you all have recommendations, let me know. But like, yeah, have you guys also randomly been like, do I have anxiety now? And it's kind of like trippy? It's like, no, not me. Like I don't want to have to deal with this. I've never had to deal with this before, but it's like, is because the caffeine is because we have any, is because we're not putting ourselves first. Don't care of ourselves, you know, so deep breaths meditation yoga. Okay. Those are my current tips right now. And what have you guys been up to? I graduated? So don't ask me what I've been up to because I will just probably give you this podcast and tell you what's been up.

Like I just feel like watch my Youtube videos, listen to my podcast. I probably updated those people on how I've been doing since I graduated. So if you don't listen or subscribe, then I'm gonna wait, boom. So then you guys so much for listening. I don't know if this was coherent or not, but I definitely got some thoughts that I needed to get out out and subscribe to my channel on Youtube Elizabeth Jankovic. It's going to blow every podcast. Favorite this podcast. If you're listening on anything that you can favorite rate it if you're listening on apple podcasts or if you're on Spotify, go over to Apple podcast and give me a rating please. And if you're on Spotify, follow me. Um what else do I have to say? I ordered a camera from my vlogging, flogging channel, ordered a camera for my Youtube channel and it comes today. So that's a big progress. I ordered this microphone. Like what I've been doing things. Oh yeah, I was cleaning up on private and old podcast that I didn't like. You guys will notice that um I want to start consistently posting on like all of my channels and I made myself a little posting schedule.

I also have to after this, um records himself tapes and because my microphone is already out, boom, I can just recorded podcast, My voice over auditions easily. It's like two words, 1 stone, my podcast and then my Auditions. Okay, I'm going to wrap this up now because it is my goal to keep these under 30 minutes between 2030 minutes every week. Every whatever, a few weeks. So yeah, thank you guys for listening. Have a wonderful day and a wonderful, we can't wait to talk to you guys in my next podcast or see you guys in the next video. I love you so much sending good vibes I'm sending them to you. And the more we send to each other, the more there is, and we just are generating this amazing love and we're gonna work through this anxiety together. We're gonna build on our projects and our dreams and our aspirations, and we're going to accomplish them all within divine timing. Okay, love you peace out Girl Scout.

Ep #17: leave Virgos the f*** alone + don't judge me for my boundaries
Ep #17: leave Virgos the f*** alone + don't judge me for my boundaries
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