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The Foundations of Orgasm

by Tom Baldwin
August 10th 2021

Certainly the world would be a better place if there were more of these. Yes I know you all already have great sex every night, so why the podcast. Indulge me for a few minutes and possible get som... More

so I'm playing bingo at this camp a rally and somebody, the person running the numbers calls out be 69 this lady is like, oh and then there's later, it's called I 69 is oh, what the heck was up with the best community out there? Yes, If you're looking in the mirror, you see somebody incredibly awesome and that is who I'm talking to, I believe in you, I'm grateful for you and I'm so glad that you're part of the audience of this, the podcast hosted by myself, tom baldwin and enjoying the time with all of you out there. You are an inspiration. Let me just quickly say, I appreciate your feedback, your input and your support and just really quickly, let's go through this. You can email me at 406 big t at gmail dot com. You can go to the yep dot solutions website, not yep dot com, but yep dot solutions and find all the episodes there and support buttons if you so choose to do that, it's always a appreciate it.

And uh now that we're on Pandora, you can also rape me by a thumbs up. Yes. And also a thumbs down but appreciated thumbs up and Apple podcast is always appreciated. So hey, Such a great community here. I so appreciate you go into this intro is what I'm going to talk about today and I'm not sure where the subject is going to go, but it's been something that's been on my mind since onset of COVID-19 because I know what happens to relationships when people aren't used to being around each other a lot. And the stress of that adds if they're not used to that. And the stress that adds to the sexual relationship, you know, usually between a husband and wife are committed people, you know, there's other kind of sexual relationships that I'm not necessarily interested in talking about because I'm interested in the long term sexual relationships that have been proven scientifically to promote health and happiness long term. And so you can argue that, you know, it's some religious mindset. No, it's actually science. And however, you know, it came about that these were set up just because they may be from a religious system doesn't mean they're wrong.

And so sex is incredibly important for a family. And so as we're looking at a family, the leaders of that family is incredibly important that they have a healthy sexual relationship. And mentioned that last time. And with increased stress from like COVID-19 may be job related, maybe relationship related, maybe kid-related. You know, those are all relational type of issues. Um, but there's more time together. It puts more stress on. And so what is happening is not necessarily more sex are better sex. Now, I'm sure there was more sex just because there was more opportunity, but probably not as much as there was extra time as there could have been. And you're like, tom you just have sex on the brain was sex is such an important part of our happiness and our livelihood and it is an incredible tool. Yes, I'm calling it at all because it helps us build better, deeper relationships, become more vulnerable. It improves our interpersonal skills with each other and it definitely in a family setting, I can tell you this from my own experience, that when my wife and I are in a good place and our sexual relationship is good and is active and is healthy, my kids know and they feel it because I'll tell you nothing like an orgasm and yes, men and women can have them and no, they are not probably what you've seen or portrayed on tv or if you're in to porn, I'm just gonna say if you are you are highly miseducated and if you're a young person or a teenager and you are finding your education in that format, wow, it's gonna be ugly for you and you are going to miss out on a lot of great opportunities and if you do come around, there's probably gonna be a lot of hurt and injury for yourself and for others.

Yes, I'm just going to come flat out and say it, the porn industry and what pornography portrays, you're like tom how do you know that? Well I was a teenager and I had my stint, it's not the porn that is today, but it is still the same porn and it portrays something that is incredibly not true, it portrays women, it's just walking around wanting sex, that is not true and it portrays that you can just do these couple little tricks and women are going to take their clothes off and just be that is not the case. Sex is so much deeper, so much more intimate, so much more intriguing and so much more mysterious and it is essential. And if you haven't got that in this podcast is a core belief of mine and of course, I am a man of faith, and so I believe that we were created. I believe that sex is an integral part of how we exist and I believe it was a gift to us, but it is also a tool and tom what are you talking about? As far as tool? Well, in my last podcast where I reference like the orgasm because that is who you know, that is the end all and know for a man in ejaculation is not an orgasm.

Okay, I don't even know necessarily that I can describe an orgasm, but just let me say that it at least the start of an orgasm and the start of a decent orgasm, you're gonna shake and quiver, probably lose your breath, that kind of thing. And that's definitely not what ejaculation is. And men, if you actually want to have an orgasm, I've talked about this before, you got to practice not ejaculating and coming and teaching yourself. Yeah, I'm not going to give a course on this, I'm just sparking the fire. So you can be like, wow, nobody's ever said that before. I thought when you just like ejaculated, that was it. Now, the same is true. Well not the exact same is true for a woman. Unfortunately, women don't necessarily ejaculate, but they do have a peak and to get there is not just when the man finishes, it is so much more than that. And so yes, you may be thinking if you were educated by the porn industry, that the secret to having great sex is that you've got to have a big dick.

Well, that is about as far from the truth as you can get, Can I tell you ah Here Tom is going to preach again, But from my own experience, yes, and from those friends of mine that have shared their experiences, which is actually fairly hard to talk about in a, in a realistic setting with another man, because there's all this kind of posturing and weird things that go on that you actually can't get to the truth and every guy has a huge decade. Let's just point that out. And everyone has huge balls. Let's just point that out. And everyone gives his wife or his girlfriend and orgasm every time they have sex with that, that is about as far from the truth as it can be and the size really isn't a huge issue because orgasm starts way before. Any clothes are ever taken off or anything ever happens for a true orgasm, not an orgasm of porn, and especially on the feminine side. And again, I'm talking from my experience and people that have shared their experience with me and when I was young, I was actually, I was so wounded by the porn industry and its effect on my life, that I actually did a lot of research.

And so a lot of this comes from research and continuing to check on in this research, because porn is such an addictive stealing industry that I want to continue to keep it out of my life, continue to keep it out of my boy's life and help you find that absolute fulfillment in your own life. So, you know, the porn industry portrays that you just rub this thing or you just find the g spot, you know, the clitoris should rub the victorious or you do this stupid little routine or whatever it is, and that's an orgasm, not even close because an orgasm, the true orgasms, the mind blowing sex orgasms, our body, soul and spirit, Okay, body is just a small part of that. And so you have to engage the soul and you have to gauge the spirit, whatever you believe that is, that is something that as far as my faith, that is that realm where that woo woo happens and it's very real, and you, you know, from your own experiences, that is very real. Maybe not in the realm of sex, but like walking into a store and your skin just crawls.

You know, that's there's nothing in there that says that, but you can feel that. And so an orgasm exists in all those three rounds and an orgasm, a true orgasm, especially for women, but for men also not as deeply, but you would be surprised if you will go here, what will happen because you're just like, oh well, you know, I'm good. I'm, you know, I get sex every night and you know, I'm just drop the crab dude, man, Do you really want it? Or do you just want the perception? Because I'm guessing you probably have like see sex, you know, like A. B. C. Grade and you know, not blow your mind. You're saying you have no idea, okay, I'm not here to judge you. I want you to have the blow your mind sex because if everybody did this place would be a much better place. It would be much easier to live and get along. And there would be a lot less angst if there was this kind of intensity because the sexual relationship is just a manifestation of the relationship between those two people. So how they get along, You know what, how much vulnerability there is between them?

How deep are there? Like connection between them And so the whole orgasm and the whole sexual relationship starts with words. Yes. And with connection with emotional vulnerability and with, like, the other partner, the man building an environment that is incredibly safe. So he's a good provider, he's a generous provider. He is safe to be around to share hurtful things when you're just like, hey, you know, you hurt me when you said this guy doesn't rebuttal and say, oh, you know, you just need a whatever because you're just too sensitive. That's not a safe place. And that's the type of thing that leads to the on button disappearing. Okay, vulnerability, Especially for a woman and to get to that intense, mind blowing sex has to feel like you are an incredibly safe place to be incredibly vulnerable because when you get to that orgasmic type of place, it is intense vulnerability. So if you haven't made a safe place and you don't continue to maintain it, that would disappear like a heartbeat.

Okay, once you get good and you can create that vulnerable safe place where it's incredibly safe to just be as real and as free as possible, ain't gonna happen okay. And it takes on both partners part intense care and maintenance and vigilance to maintain and maintain that focus to have a great mind blowing relationship in bed, takes incredible amounts of work and hard work. It's not like just doing exercises, although that will help with your stamina, okay, you're just like, well, it's already been too much. So I don't even need to go there. but once you get to that place where you can create that environment and you are having that mind blowing sex. Yeah, you want to create a little stamina so you can stay there and it isn't just one orgasm but its waves of orgasms that is like waves of oxytocin washing over both of your brains and it is the best natural high that can happen.

But to get here Yes, there is some incredible skill and it is way before the close ever come off. So yes, building that safe place, creating an environment of security, creating the environment of connection. So you are coming home you are showing interest because no, not just because you want sex because you are interested in. If you're not interested, you should probably find somebody that you're actually interested in and you can show that so you're intense interest, intense passion and what they're doing, curiosity that asked like intelligent in depth questions and you're continuing to things and say things like, well, tell me more about that and you're reacting like you're paying attention Oh that's really interesting. Have you ever like uh experienced this side of that and if you have, can you tell me how that was? So you are a building and intense connection. So this whole mind blowing sex the way it is as a tool, it helps us with our partner hone and understand and create this incredible safe place where the two can come together and be free and experience the refreshing, that is so desperately needed.

So if you and we have all been influenced by this, I enjoy watching tv from time to time now tv isn't exactly like porn, but it's getting close, what, you know, these quick hookups and this intense passionate sex, okay, that can't happen and does happen, you just like the time, you know, and you know, he old grey upon over the Hill shot may be true at this point, but I totally understand that and I get that, but that is not what I'm talking about here. Okay, there is a sex that is well beyond passion and you're just like, whoa no, it is well beyond passionate, passionate sex, good sex, good period. Yes. And so you just like why would I want better? Well, you already know the answer to that and but for, especially for women, it can be an incredibly fearful place. So it takes a lot of skill, but when you learn that skill to create a safe place for it to be vulnerable for your partner to experience. And I'm obviously talking from a man's point of view and so for those of you out there listening, I'm definitely talking a man relating to a woman and I know there are other types of relationships and I'm not going there because I don't necessarily have any experience and it's not necessarily the realm I want to dive into.

So as we're talking here, this incredible experience and when you learn those skills to build that place for this to happen and exist and experience that those skills translate to all kinds of areas where you learn to build safe places, you learn to pay attention to people, Okay, we're talking now in areas outside of sexual relationships, so relationships with your kids, you learn how to create a safe place for them to share, to be vulnerable, and if you learn that skill, okay, I'm going to tell you you're gonna be unstoppable in relationships and people that are going to give you a voice to speak in their life. So I may be giving people dark psychology here tools they shouldn't have because this is skills for the virtuous k these aren't skills to manipulate and coerce and take advantage of people. These are skills to build people up to have the absolute most fulfillment and that is probably one of the most frustrating things about sex industry and that includes porn and the Hollywood imagery around sex just distorts it so much.

So we don't understand and experience that mind blowing sex that happens in these committed relationships with these people build and work and there is no drama on tv that could even come close to experience, are portraying what happens, you know, like uncontrollable quivering and shaking and like just it's like you just got flushed with the most biggest hit of Oxytocin and feel good drugs and some of you are just like what he's talking about is absolutely foreign. I don't have any idea. Okay, I'm going to tell you it's available to everyone fat skinny. You know, no matter what you have for sexual organs, no matter what you look like, those things are secondary. It is, I'll just tell you your mouth and your eyes. So the words that you say and the looks that you give that is what builds the foundation for this and your ears to be able to listen and your tongue to be able to respond.

Apple E. Okay, that is a start and that's probably 90% of what we're talking about. And then there's intention on how to build this place. We're talking about a place, we're not talking about an experience. You are building a place that is real, as real can be, but that is as imaginary as imaginary can be when you're in that space that you've created through security through words through just having a good emotional connection and legitimately being interested. That is a real place where the magic, the mind blowing happens. It is not necessarily any physical place. Because as you build that you got the on button going and then there are those spots. Yes, the clitoris, The g spot all the sudden men, those buttons are huge and they're highly activated and they help move. Okay, this is not a time to disconnect from the first part from the emotions and keeping that connection. This is a place where you reaffirm, you don't just say things because you want great sex, you reaffirm the deep desires in your heart.

You examine the own deep desires in your heart and you're listening to this and you're saying maybe I don't want all that for one. Okay, I think you're kind of nuts. It sounds like a lot of work. It has a lot of work, but if you have an experience that you have no idea what the reward is, you let me just say this kindly, you're clueless. And I'm saying you should at least try it to get a taste because the first time you do it, it's gonna be mind blowing, but it isn't going to be like, yeah, not waves of mind blowing after mind blowing. Okay, now, true confession. This is a hard place to maintain and I've definitely had seasons and it is a hard place to maintain. And so you are always as I am honing my skills, but I have to tell you, I am so passionate about my relationship with my wife and my family that I continue to want to discover who she is and learn more about her inexperience. The best things in my life with her and that my kids, they know when mom and dad are having mind blowing sex because man, things are good in the house and I'll just throw this caveat in here man, sometimes you need a little jump start to get down that road and so it's good to have a conversation together that just says, hey, how do we get started?

And it's like, you may have to start from like almost zero with just some very like shoulder rubs because maybe in your relationship you've both been really neglectful and so there's a lot of ice cold bitterness. You know, the guy's been neglectful, so then the wife has turned off and then the guys like resorted to porn and so he's been self satisfied and so he's in self satisfying mode. Self centered, self focused. Okay, the point is we can stop at any point and turn around and make the right decision. Okay, another bad decision never gets us on the right track, but to stop and make one good small decision is the road to winning and fullness. So don't ever get stuck saying I can't turn around, you can stop at any time. Doesn't matter what time it is. Obviously now is the best time and maybe you felt some burning this, I've been talking, you know, the porn has been part of your life or you're a woman and you've let yourself just grow bitter and hard to that man that you know that you really deeply love and it's time for you to take a few risks and have that conversation and say, hey, I want to start the process of rebuilding and if you haven't guessed.

But as we went through this podcast, the point of this is not great sex. The point of this is a great relationship which leads to mind blowing sex. Okay. If you're just after mind blowing sex and you don't want a relationship, it's better to stick with your hand, okay tom that's so rude. Hey, the two go hand in hand and the more science goes down that road, the more they discover that they do and the things of like traditional, you may not like that wording marriage and relationship, they work and they are appropriate and they lead to fulfillment, but you just can't go with that. You have to put that extra work. And like I talked about. So in this episode there's some great stuff, okay. There is not necessarily a step by step thing, but I'm telling you the first thing is not to take the clothes off. The first thing is to open my mouth and speak carefully. So my friends, it's always fun. It's a great topic. We all like talking about this. You know, it's okay to be a little maybe embarrassed and if you're not a little embarrassed is probably probably not good. You should be a little embarrassed, but this is a sacred place, but it does need to be talked about and brought into the open and know that there is more out there and it is really good and it happens with the person you're with, but it takes investment.

So go out there, seek the orgasm. No, seek to build a relationship. Use your tools and skills to just be able to enter that place of refreshing that great place. And so hey, my friends, I so appreciate you. Hey, as we exit here. Yeah, I do. I got you. I'm here to talk about whatever you want to talk about sometimes going way beyond the boundaries. But hey, this is real to all of us. Something probably we've all experienced. Well, I should say it is something we've all experienced in the rest of you out there that are deny it. You're just a bunch of flat outliers. But Hey, even you. I got you. I do. I got mm hmm.

The Foundations of Orgasm
The Foundations of Orgasm
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