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The ON Switch

by Tom Baldwin
June 29th 2021

Simply the mechanics of relationship/sex. The world going crazy has not exactly helped our sex lives especially CV-19. This episode reviewing or introducing the road to organismic relationships and... More

Hey, where is a freaking on button? How come I cannot find the on on button man? I, I used to know where it was and it seemed like there used to be more than one now, there's no freaking on button, but hey, it's the most awesome group of people out there. And yes, of course I'm biased because you listen to my podcast and I feel super privileged and honored you. Yeah, uppers out there. You people that make a difference that you're impacting your community and those around you, you are unique, You're awesome and I'm privileged to have you here. So welcome. This is the podcast, it is hosted by myself tom baldwin and it is all about practical advice wisdom. Most of it comes from my experience. A lot of it comes from what I'm learning currently. Just try to pass on to you to have the best, most impactful life possible.

And yes, it's pro presented in this weird redneck Montana person here in the form of me that's older, overweight and just a little bit odd, but we're going with it. And for some of you out there seems to be your style. So I don't know what that says about you, but I've said things like that before and you're sticking with it. So you know, it's, it's good, we're good and we're having a good time. Today's episode is gonna be fun, but if you have small Children that you listen with, we are going to be talking a little bit about sex today and you don't feel comfortable with that, you might want to listen at another time, let's just say that. And so, hey, I am going to crack open here. It's kind of fun. This is something that my brother introduced me to and it's pretty cool and it falls in line with something that I learned from my daughter Elizabeth. And I'm gonna tell you that's what you're going to be like tom That's such a no brainer. But one of the things in my life that I've struggled with is getting enough minerals in my life.

And so all of my life when I have like been extreme exercise, extremely lifting, it really doesn't have to be extreme. It just has to be a little out of the ordinary, I get tremendous muscle cramps even when I drink a lot of water. And my daughter was like, well dad, are you drinking purified water? I was like, yeah, isn't that what you're supposed to drink? And some of your thoughts are just like, I know what he's going to talk about, I can't believe he didn't know that. Well, I didn't that when they purify water, they pulled the minerals out of them out of it. And so you need those. And so my brother introduced me to this water and I'm not a fan of plastic bottles because those of you, you know, I'm not necessarily environmentalists, but I want to be smart about life and living here on the earth. And so you know, I'm just not belligerent, I want to be a good steward. And so part of that is being mindful and I don't like the plastic bottles that end up in the ocean. So a little more mindful drinking water out of an aluminum can that I can actually myself take to the recycling center and you're like, dude, you can do that about plastic bottles, you're probably right. But there still is a concern about the GPA and the xeno estrogens, I don't need any help with more estrogen in my life.

Some of your like, I don't need any more help with testosterone. Anyway, I'm drinking this water and it's called liquid death. It's kind of funny, I mean the name is funny, but it was the whole product, it's actually bottled from the swiss alps and so they or can the canvas water from the swiss house. But the whole thing is murder your thirst. It is with natural water from a natural source that's naturally replenished and it is really good water full of a lot of minerals and they kind of wanted to war against the whole plastic bottle thing and their creative outlet. So I think it's kind of fun. I'm not necessarily a skull guy that isn't like my thing, but I like the product they put out, it's a really good product and it really does do some for your thirst and you're not supporting the plastic bottle industry. So, Oh yeah, I just downed half of that bad boy right now. Really good. You can find that at your whole foods stores again. There's nothing coming back to me. But if you like the product and you happen to contact them to order some, you can order it online.

It's really easy. They have pretty good shipping rates and they have a pretty great discount. If you order multiple cases, I think more than four they give you a pretty substantial discount. So hey, without further to do, let's just get into the topic today. And from the intro you might gather, men, we are talking and women, this is a good episode for you too because you can actually critique what I'm saying. But you know, one of my desires was this whole for this whole covid 19 and just through life in general is to improve relationships and when we're around each other more and especially men and women, husbands and wives, maybe boyfriends and girlfriends. Whatever your life situation is, we've tended to be around each other more of this last year and it has caused a little more stress and you know, the hope for most of us was to have more sex, but it probably ended up to having less sex and I just stayed up front. You know, I do have my specific opinions about the most healthy relationships that are out there and that is one that's in a committed relationship and science has proven through studies and I know you're like, tom you're going to go to your blah, blah, blah, I am because you know, I necessarily have these beliefs around a spiritual tradition, but science has also packed this up that, you know, these committed relationship, these long term relationships are super healthy and that the people that are in these relationships generally have more sexual fulfillment than people that bounce back and forth and around.

If you don't believe me, which you shouldn't believe me. K that's just a fact. You shouldn't necessarily believe anybody. This is like something that like, I don't like what he said, I'm gonna go find out if it's true and you do, that's great. And so, but I usually like to go with the science and science like contradicts something that I believe I'll reevaluate, but sciences backed up a lot of the positions that I've taken, which is highly encouraging. But for covid 19, no matter who you are. And even if you do believe in long term monogamous relationships and you're a man and the woman in your life who when you first met everything was hot and heavy, right? And you're having great sex all the time and it was awesome and it felt like on your wife, your girlfriend, whatever you definitely know my perspective. And so I'm gonna say wife, but I'm talking to all of you out there because if you're having sex, this is probably of interest to you and I would encourage you to move in the direction of a strong committed relationship, but I never want to be bossy, but I want the best thing for you.

I want you to have the best life possible. And so part of the best life possible, Right? Right. He's going to say it, it's the best sex possible. Absolutely. And so you're in this committed relationship, You've been through COVID-19 and you've been underfoot and where there seemed to be an on button everywhere on your woman, or just words everywhere that you can say, and it would trigger, and it would lead to a great encounter, a great lovemaking encounter, because love making it so much better than sex, because there's so much more entailed in that. And now you've tried everything and every touch position that you have that little maybe tweak on the bomb, or that little, just gentle rub on the nipple, or now you're desperate. And it's the last on button. And this is not even working the clitoris button is off. And you're like, where what happened? How come the on button has literally disappeared on me? Where did it go? And you're just like, and this is unfortunate because this happens naturally in the cycle of most relationships over time, and it is the benefit of a long term relationship because you learn how to get past this and you enter and there's a lot, a lot, a lot of young people out there that are maybe like not going to believe that you enter into a hole, deeper relationship and more intimate and more intense sexual relationship and you're like, whoa, that kind of sounds pretty awesome, but it's pretty freaking scary when all the on buttons disappear and it seems like everything that you do is off and it seems like everything you do is like puts it in deep freeze mode and something that you tried like three months ago worked really good.

Well you are in the right place today because I definitely have some experience on screwing things up. And that is where most of my expertise comes from, is from screwing things up and doing things the wrong way and figuring out how to fix them and get those back to the right place. I'm just gonna tell you, oh man, I hate when I say that, I don't know why I say that, because what I want to do is I want to pass on information to you, I don't want to preach at you. And I'm just like, I just I'm going to tell you I'm going to share with you, let's have some share time right now, okay, the on button. And if you're in that place right now and the and buttons are working and there's a lot of the on button say, well, enjoy that. You know, seasons do change and there's some information here you might want to pay attention to. But one of the biggest things that I have learned, and it has been like, uh tumultuous road of learning and there is in this season, Yes, you go through rough dry spells of yes, no sex, no lovemaking and I'm just gonna tell you, oh man, he did it again.

But lovemaking and sex outside of the physical action has a quantum physical, physiological, like deeper effect. And it interacts on multiple realms and when people are in deep committed relationships and they have a great healthy sex life, there is energy, an aura that goes out to the Children, to the extended family, to the friends, out of this wonderful relationship. And so the sexual, this intimate relationship is so incredibly important and so as a man, you tend to be the leader, okay, you're not the dictator, but you're the leader because what leaders sacrificed the most. And so as the man you're sacrificing for your wife and your family or whatever your family makeup is, and so it's generally up to you and you may not like that. I know it's kind of old fashioned, you're just like, I don't really like that and all those men know that when our wives our forward in the whole sexual aspect is pretty dang fun, but generally when you have lost all the on buttons and there's nothing that you seem to be able to do to do, to move into that sexual direction, to enjoy intercourse, to enjoy lovemaking enjoy all the fulfillment that comes from that, what do you do?

And how did that happen? Well for one, I'm just gonna share from my experience, I usually get way too busy and way too self focused on my own stuff. And then all of a sudden it's like bam, it's like boy, I could use some good sex, right? And then you go and you start like trying to hit all the on buttons and it's like, man, it is like everything is locked down tight and frigid and you're just like, whoa what happened? And if you happen to ask that question, let me just tell you from experience, that won't go, well, it's just really good at that moment to back off and for you yourself to take a deep breath and just look at that significant other and just relax and just say, I so appreciate you. I'm sorry that was inappropriate because in this situation you may not realize it, but you have dug yourself in a hole and you have like locked yourself out. You have forgotten the passwords. And so this is trespassing at this moment.

You're just like, well, what do you mean? We're in a committed relationship, we're married. Yeah, you can take that standpoint. I'm just going to tell you it's not going to go, well, you just have to realize you have lost access and now at this point you need to gain access access again. Ok and we are talking emotional access Because from my standpoint and my experience, I have not been emotionally available for her and I have not shared and been open and emotionally available by myself. I also haven't been slow cooking. And those of you that know what I mean? But those are those non sexual touches. Those are those non sexual words. Those are those non sexual encouragements like coming up behind and rubbing the shoulders and say how how is your day? You look like it's been a rough day. Can I can I do some of your little tenses? Does this feel good? You know, you need your feet rum Okay, this is the point where you are beginning to begin to like build and garner some of these access codes and some of the trust back because women in general and women if I'm wrong.

But you need constant interaction and constant tending as like the trust and the security that comes from that interaction are very important to your sexuality. And you feeling the ability to relax and engage. And so one aspect is just those non sexual touches. The listen guys is part for us. That can be incredibly painful because you don't want to ask. And if you're on a busy stressful schedule, deep breath kate and the deep breath is key. And I've talked about the deep breath a lot. And it really help you is that you just mm hold it Not at all. And repeat that a few times and you just sit down and you're just like well I'd like to hear how things are going and if you're like me you've been unavailable and you've kind of been short and you've been focused on your own stuff. And often in that season when I become very focused on my own stuff, I also just like indulge myself and you know maybe buying myself extra things that I wouldn't and so I am totally in selfish mode and I'm putting selfish vibes off because it is one of the ways and maybe you can relate that I can deal with stress.

You know, so part of that perhaps is eating out. Part of that is instead of making coffee at home, getting coffee on the run. Because I don't feel like I have time. Part of that is when I come home it's like breeding Adrian very quickly and then going upstairs and relaxing in front of the T. Because I feel like I have limited time and I need to relax. Okay all those type of actions and believe me I know this and I've done it repeatedly so I'm not sure what that says about myself other than I have some bad habits that need to be retrained. But all those actions cause all those on buttons to disappear. Okay so if you want to turn those on buttons to get them back so they're accessible. You want to get the pass goes the access codes k it is the opposite. It is through engagement. Okay, now, let me just throw this caveat in here. I am not just saying this so you can get some sex. Okay, This is not about that, It is in part about that, but it's about the deeper interaction and in an intertwining with human to human spirits and spirit.

Soul to soul. That beautiful thing that when it comes together through intercourse, that has built for the proper access channels, okay, there are channels to access that are all wrong. And it is part of the problem, probably that has influenced many of our young men and a lot of our older men. I'm just gonna go here quick. But as pornography Because when men and maybe they don't realize how they've lost all the on buttons and just like my wife hold his eyes, I'm just gonna look it up here and I'm gonna get it myself because I got a hand and I got some lube and I can do this. Okay? Yes, that will give you temporary satisfaction. But it has a huge catch 22 because that is instead of learning the skills of human interaction and getting those access codes back. Getting those on buttons back online, you're short circuited and you took the shortcut, which also helps reinforce the selfish self indulgent behavior kate, there is a reward for perseverance and that is because, you know, sex with the hand, it's okay, it ain't great sex in an intimate relationship with someone you have built years with, there is no comparison.

And so pornography has given a short circuit and it has taught so many older people and younger people stupid, stupid stupid things. I was like, oh yeah, you have to do is, you know, slap them here and then just rub that clit. Oris is like, oh, I mean from a dude that's been married a long time and done it wrong. Some of the worst advice that could possibly be out there and it's probably one of the worst things you can do because it puts you on that cycle of selfishness and you don't learn the skills and the refinement to build this intense, highly vulnerable but highly fulfilling relationship with another human being with a woman and that relationship, I'm not going to tell you nothing compares to it. Have I experienced all the chief substitution? Yes, You're just like, yes, I've been young and dumb. I've been stupid. I've done dumb things. Okay, can I tell you that one of the most satisfying things and one of the best kills that I have learned and it has helped hone a skill because I've talked about this before.

But unconditional love is an incredible access tool that it feels like you are becoming incredibly vulnerable, which you are and you may be taking on things that weren't yours, but the reward of unconditional love and especially in the context, what I'm talking about right now, an intimate sexual relationship it is going to unlock, let's just say, and maybe I'll get into an episode of just, I mean, there is sex and there is good sex and they're straight sex. And there is, like, like, blow your mind sex, okay. That unconditional love and honing these skills and putting aside your own self interest is gonna put you in the blow your mind and go beyond their kind of sex. Because what you see in pornography is like, okay, if not less, okay, it's like, isn't even close. And so, what I'm talking about here is getting those on buttons. And so, yes, non sexual touch, affectionate touch, that touch that you had when you were engaged when you were dating that hand holding in that feeling, as you hold the hand and you look in the eyes and there's engagement, and you're just like, and you are prepared to hear and sit and engage in a conversation, not to fix but to listen and to understand the emotional state of your partner.

And then you are going to be able to speak and say, well, how can I help you in that area? What here, what can I do now? Or how can I you know, how can I support you in that you are going to be amazed at those on buttons that have disappeared. Okay. And it's often not intentional on our part because we get busy and we don't realize those things and we take it for granted, and sometimes those on button stay on for an incredibly long period of neglect, but it's time to get them on, and it's time to get as many on as possible, because I'm just going to say you need it, and you know that right now, because if you're making it to the end of this podcast, you're listening, because it's like, oh yeah, I'm in that state or I'm closely heading down that state, your significant other needs. And can I tell you there is nothing better for a woman than an orgasm, and if you don't know how to do that, and you think it takes a big penis well, you need to tune in later for another educational episode, because that is the stupidest thing. I'm sorry, I don't ever mean to call you stupid, but you don't need necessarily, well, you need a couple of things for an orgasm.

But if you are doing these things that are the non sexual, you're well on your way and you're probably halfway to great orgasm and the rest of them are pretty simple compared to these, and maybe we'll do an episode on the, oh, because it is amazing, and boy, I'll tell you it cures a wonder of ills. Your kids will thank you, the people around, you will thank you, your wife will thank you, It was just a good thing, and you will thoroughly enjoy it. And I'm hoping you know what I'm talking about, But from my experience, and I don't talk to everyone around about this, but I pay attention and I get into some intimate conversations and I'm realizing, yeah, there are a lot of people that haven't experienced that. If you're experiencing that, I'm saying thumbs up, and you're like, well, I don't know if I've experienced it. Well, cancers are you haven't? So, you have something wonderful to look forward to, but the way to get on, but not simply is take a step back, take a step out of self focus and begin that what you knew before on how to build this relationship and be prepared because what you're gonna get, I'm gonna tell you may have to give up some things, but what you are going to get is so much more valuable than anything that you're going to give up the Taoist tradition, which I've been intrigued with.

And they definitely got something figured out. They talked about. There is no greater mystery than just exploring the depths of intimacy with one person for as long as the to live. I think that's beautiful, and that's that is there is mystery wonder and extreme pleasure and that Now there were some wacky Taoist. And if you go out there and research, you'll find out they are, but the traditional ones that have stayed the course they have discovered the beauty of sex in a long term committed relationship and you can't have that without going where I'm talking about. So I'm just yes, yes, you need this. And so go out there and should I say, get some, you know what I mean, improve those relationships, so significant relationships that you have already in your life and intensify those, enjoy those are going to fill you full of energy, and if you don't have one and you're listening to this episode, there are things I'm talking about about being an unselfish person that is going to win the day for you and never force yourself on anyone.

That is the worst and most offensive thing out there, and it is immature and childish, Childish. And if you are addicted to porn, that is the first step, you need to deal with it. Get off of that because that is non reality, that is not a place. And you're not getting any information that is going to help you at all in any kind of relationship. A matter of fact, you're probably going to be a train wreck. So yes, my friends, I so appreciate you. Hey, you can contact me at 406 big T at gmail dot com, always appreciate that at yep dot solutions. That's my website and uh man, I'm on Pandora and Pandora, you know introduce podcast about, I think it was about a year ago and I've been on for a while, What a great platform and you can give me a thumbs up or thumbs down on that. I would love a thumbs up, helps get this podcast out there. And Apple podcast. Also, if you can rate me starting to get some more attraction there, the audience is growing. So thank you. And so hey, as we wrap this up, I got to make a difference.

A yeah.

The ON Switch
The ON Switch
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