Disabled Girls Who Lift

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E49: Return of the Stump (Alexis Hillyard)

May 17th 2021

On our latest episode, Marybeth & Marcia welcome back Alexis of @Stump_Kitchen to catch up on birth, parenting, movement, YouTube, and creating content. She shares her birthing story, parenting... More

Hello, everyone to another Oh my gosh, Another one. Episode of disabled girls who lift this is Marcy a sitting on Seminole Tribe land also known as florida. Happy to have everyone here on the podcast, They will introduce themselves. So, so excited to be back. It's mary Beth from northern California sitting on a lonely land and I'm going to let our guests introduce herself because she is just a part of the family. Now. You've seen her on instagram, youtube, listen to her on our podcast. Um Edmonton Alberta, just like beautiful Canadian. Welcome back Alexis. Thank you. What a beautiful welcome. I feel like I'm back home with family. It's really, really great. Um yeah, I'm Alexis from stump kitchen, I use she her and uh I'm on treaty six territory, which is the traditional home of Cree and Blackfoot, Lakota Sioux and 18 people and it's right now it's sunny and a little bit warm, but also it snowed and it's like been plus 18 Celsius.

So oh my God, it's just a confusing time in my city right now. Do that. What is life? Well if anyone heard our episode way early on when we were just a baby podcast, Alexis was brewing a baby of her own and now we're now little, we're learning how to walk, we're getting a little farther along on our podcast. So what, what about Alexis baby? We know about our baby, this podcast. What's going on with your baby? Oh my gosh, that was such a cute sig, I was going to say um our podcast isn't teething no Broadcast. Well yeah, I wonder what that, like what the same thing would be for a, for a podcast with teething is, but yeah, my baby is teething. Um but yeah, just to like place my little one in time I guess. Um so their name is Jovan and Jovan uses um we're using all pronouns or losing three pronouns for joven.

She, her, he him and they then just to allow space for driving to declare their gender, you know, and how they want to be referred to once they are old enough to kind of know, you know? Um so um and yeah, their name is Jovan and it means jupiter or also yeah, this is fun. Hey, that's kind of where like by jove, I think I've got it. Do you know that whole Yeah. Um and it's a kind of like a Slavic name because my partner Allison is Ukrainian um and Jovan is almost 11 months. He'll be 11 months on the 25th of april a year on the 25th of May. So I'm like, you know, like some kitchen is mostly a cooking show, right? As you know, um I'm still waiting on, you know, you were going to plan an episode for all of us to do something together online for sure, but pandemic that will happen in time. But like I'm looking up recipes for a um just a good like low sugar, like smash cake.

You know how you just like, let these smash your cake, let me turn on so that's what I'm kind of, that's adorable. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, almost 11 months teething. Um We're doing sign language so she's you know able to communicate using, using ssl and um a couple of words that are sounding kind of like words but kind of not um yeah and teething and biting my nipples, it's just great but it's really, it's not that bad, just a joy were starting to go on the swings at the park by my house and uh yeah, every day is an adventure so I have to make it great and the sign, you know you both speak, I mean you both know sl already are you just looking up little like more and help her like little signs. A little bit of both. I'm definitely not fluent, but my sister is pretty fluent, she's been taking a lot of really rad classes and she has been teaching me a little bit as we as we go along.

So. Yeah. Yeah, it's been really, really great. That's neat because I feel like babies can't like they understand and want to communicate a little bit before their mouth is able to form like vocal words, but they're able to say, you know? Gestural words a little earlier so it's yeah, it's nice, it's really cool for her creation and stuff like like the grasping and and all that. Yeah. Yeah exactly, exactly. I've got a couple of kids that I treat. They don't have any they make vocalizations and they garbled or whatever but you know if they're eating your like more they're like more more more you know they know so that's like the top number one is the more and the number two is all done. It's like what do you want me to do? All done mm What stairs now?

All done. But don't be rude about it. And sl do say please. No. Yeah we're just working on please with Jovan. We're just working on please now like good what to help Help. Something on the chest too. I haven't I haven't learned to help. I'm not sure. I can't remember that but I feel like it started by the chest so I don't remember them all. I know. Oh that's easy. We've got to get JC onto the Z. O. Water. Let me and the and the I love you or they thank you. Right? Yeah, thank you. And then I love you because you've got the I L. And yeah, it's a nice little I love you. I'm glad to do So all the rock stars that thought they were being like super cool and whatever have just been saying, I love you this whole time. Yeah. So maybe maybe they did. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So how is your youtube being been going, did you kind of take a break or you still regularly on whatever schedule you were before the baby?

I mean good question, I okay, but when I was pregnant and like right before I gave birth I was like you know what, like after three months I'm gonna be back like uploading every week, maybe editing and heck no, that was so wrong. Um I tried really hard to kind of pre plan and like um pre edit and post or pre film and edit episodes and I had old footage to that I hadn't gotten to from a few years ago that I've been able to work through, but I thought I would get prepped and ready, but you know, that never works when you try to like work in advance, not for me anyway. Um and so it was a bit touch and go for a while, but I eventually got to a point where um I just had to forgive myself and understand that my online community and people that are watching my show and enjoying my content, they are also human and like forgiving and adaptable and will understand circumstances, you know, change for people and and we all have different needs, like that's what I would want for any, any um content creators that I watch and like, you know, my my pal footless joe who has had to now amputations on the same leg, you know, she often has to take uploading breaks and she's always just like I feel so bad and I feel so stressed and all these things and all of us watching or just like take your time to be here when you get back, it's okay.

But it's always the case where don't you find you can give this advice no problem. But taking it yourself the worst, somewhere harshest critic we really are. And so I did I have to do a lot of like just self reflection and self forgiving I guess and being gentle with myself around taking a bit longer to put up an episode or doing a different kind of content that week or month just to kind of make it easier on myself. And also get to the point where I had to look at like, yeah my my work and my job is important and I love it. But right now my number one priority is, you know, nurturing my family and growing this child and nurturing my relationship with my partner. Yeah. Right? Because like when you have a baby, everything changes, everything changes like you, it's you know like just finding time to like hug my partner, we have to like schedule time and carve out that time to make make each other a priority again.

And I think if you don't work at it, it can kind of slip away. So it's just changed how I navigate my the hours in my day and but now I'm in a rhythm where I can get one or two or three hours in a day of work, you know, here and there to kind of edit and put stuff out and um yeah, it's been tricky, but I think it's finally 10 months later and finally getting back and do a bit of a groove. Um and one thing that was really helpful and something that I have, I've never done up to this point and I've never wanted to um just because I think this is my favorite part of my craft um is editing, but I found a really awesome editor in NBC to help me go through a lot of my old footage to get content out. So she's been helping me quite a bit editing stuff. We've been able to hire her and that, like honestly has been a lifesaver, like there's no there's no way I could have been putting out content. Um but I'm at I'm at a point now where I can like get back in the editing chair and be like, okay, here we go, here we go.

So it's feeling good. So yeah, that was a hard thing to do is someone who takes pride in that editing work, but also realizing, you know, I can't I can't put anything else. I don't have that support everything. Yeah, it changes when you have a baby. So yeah, it's been behind the scenes. It's been really emotional work wise for me, but, you know, I think on the outer, like what people see hopefully hasn't changed too much. But yeah it's been interesting. That's for sure is interesting. And one on our side on our side of the screen it seems as though you've been fairly active. So it's it's as if you've never left, we've honestly love like seeing the content, your family's transformation, your growth. It really sounds like from the from the get go like you and your partner are really excellent communicators and you've always had this plan right? I think last time you said the plan was for you to get pregnant first and then them to have the second and then you know just like um that kind of defines your relationship and carving out some time to love each other too.

I think we can all learn from that. Yeah. No and I really appreciate that for sure and I honestly I couldn't do this with anybody else. Like we yeah it's been a really it's strengthened us for sure and it's really it shows you where your potential weak points are I guess at the point of where you can kind of work on. Um So eventually it's just making us kind of stronger and even better communicators and stronger as a couple. Um But wow it is not for the faint of heart that's for sure. I think an adventure. Well I think and like parenting through a pandemic, being pregnant through a pandemic um having a newborn where they're so susceptible to sickness and diseases or whatever and kind of keeping keeping them away from friends and family. That must have been tough. Yeah, like you're saying now that you have, you're going to the slides, but that wasn't the case earlier. No, no, it's yeah, it was pretty dark for a little while, but you know, we're just trying to live every day, moment to moment and you know, you're right, like the sun is really helping and like for the content and stuff, putting that out like april which is the month that we're recording this in right now.

Um it's limb difference awareness month and so that makes my whole life and my job so much more like, I don't know um enriched during live and I guess because there's so much incredible content from disabled creators all over the world and it gives me something like new to focus on um you know, posting as much as I can each day or during the month. Um and this month I've got to reach out to people in my community and around the world, folks with limb differences, kids, bigger kids, adults too, you know, answer little questions and then I'm posting their voices on instagram page, just going to think like I I like showing stuff and talking about stuff, but I think as a creator that's been doing this for a few years, you get kind of security of your own voice since we're like, I'd like to uh welcome other people, Please come in and do this. So it's really cute kind of showing you just how people Yeah, we get the world and I love it.

They want to see. I love it. And I feel like it's not even to say because I do this also right? Like we see someone like I watch Alexis, she is a limb difference. Alright, That's who I'm going to go to for that content. I'm done. You know what I mean? Like you find like the oh, that's a person using a wheelchair and they know how to do fitness. Cool. I'll just watch what they do. I'm done. I'm not watching anyone. You know what I mean? Yeah. Bring when you have your following and you show like, oh yeah, remember there's other people, like there's other perspectives. It's not just mine. It's like, oh yeah, that's true. Really good. That's a really good point actually. Because yeah, even I can like anybody obviously, but even I can like for other people with limb differences, like I every april, you know, I'm just like, oh yeah, there's a whole so many more people that I need to be like watching and learning and you're totally right about that whole like yeah, like this is my this is my one creator and this, you know, section of life that I'm going to learn how. But no, it's so much richer.

Good lesson. We can all learn. Hey, so true. Yeah. What about movement? Because I know you were into working out at home and doing your yoga. How does that go? I okay, I should go there downstairs, but I, on facebook marketplace and I think maybe I messaged you mary beth I don't remember I message someone about this, but I got the most like retro old um uh what are these called dumbbells? Like, like anything, Yeah, like the metal ones that are like, they're all rusty and you're like, there's like a metal like twister things and they have like five or six different ways that you can adjust on them and they like clink when you like little, like things like Arnold Schwarzenegger and like, you know, they're so rad and I honestly like, I probably could be using them more, but when I got those on facebook marketplace I put them out on my back deck, I was just like, and then I'm using the harbinger hook that you sent me, like I'm sending, I'm using that to do my bicep curls and all that kind of kind of stuff.

So I think once you know, it gets even warmer, I'll be doing way more of that on the deck Um and you know, lots of like we're doing some alley and I made it a goal to do 15 minutes of running every day, if we if we can and so far. So good, especially with the stroller and once it opens asleep, we're just getting out and going kind of up and down our main drag here and just like run run run campaign. Um So it's amazing how my body is just like how much it's changed, how much my gate has changed, how much my hips have changed and the places I'm sore are so much different than they were. Um some better, some a lot worse. Um and just the strength in my, in my core and my back has just, you know, it needs some love because carrying a baby around stretches all that out and you just gotta, so it's like, I'm getting to know my body again and it's, it's like a, I don't know, it's a difficult dating process, getting, you know, falling back in love with this body and like getting to know what she needs, who is she, who are you, what's happening?

Um but it's, it's good. I'm taking it slow and I'm loving what I can do and every time I get frustrated or I get discouraged or sad or whatever. I'm just like, hey, you made a baby, you were incredible, you made a baby, you're incredible. And it just helps me like center myself again and focus on, you know, where I've been and yeah, right? I think Christy's, what did Christy say like a year and a half or two years she spent just just figuring it out again before she even went back to big barbell lifts. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough, it's not just like the body transformation, it's it's the nutrition right along with just like getting actually not sleeping. Exactly. Yeah. Every waking hour, you know, also feeding the child that you created and making sure that they're happy and they still have to do your laundry like and then you do their laundry and then and then it's time to take a shower days over.

It's so true and it's so funny you say that about the eating stuff because um I don't know what the number is but when you are, you know, a breastfeeding or chest feeding person and you're making milk for this baby, like the amount that you have to eat more per day to produce that milk and just like the calorie burning and the energy output is it's quite large. And so yeah. So not only are you like when you're growing the baby inside, you know, I was waking up at midnight and then again at three a.m. During the last bit of the pregnancy and each time eating almost a full meal, like it was just, wow, so bizarre and amazing. I love eating like it was great. But I thought I thought like, you know when the baby comes that will stop because I won't be pregnant anymore. But no, it just persists because the breast milk is, it's such a and my breasts are constantly like warm because they're constantly producing high level of milk. Um and so I'm still waking up usually around one or two. Um and sometimes even earlier and like making a peanut butter sandwich or eating leftovers.

Uh so it's still happening. Yeah, getting used to like what I need to put in my body and what you know, fills, fills those cravings and what makes me feel um like more satiated versus you know before. So yeah, it's really interesting. So are all of those cues kind of off because we talked about that a little bit before that you can tell like, okay, I need to eat some more vegetables or something, Like you could tell by your skin or the way you felt or those cues kind of just gone now you want to hold different. Yeah, that's a good question to their very different. I wouldn't say they're gone, they're just, they've just changed. And I think like you said before about the, like the exhaustion and the sleep deprivation that that really interferes with my ability to connect with what my body needs and what it's telling you, I think exhaustion in any shape or form just limits my brain power or anyone's brain power, I bet, you know, so I'm not able to fully listen and honestly, sometimes I will get to a day and I'm like, did I eat breakfast, let's shove you know, whatever I find on the counter into my mouth and hope it last week to lunch in other days or you know, I'm cooking and making really well planned meals and that's great too.

But it depends on if jovenes had a bad night or depending on her needs, et cetera. Um, so yeah, I, sometimes the cues kind of take us take a second backseat too, the immediate needs of Jovan and my family and kind of what's happening there and I think that will settle out very soon. It is settling out now. Um, because part of me is like, I want to just focus on myself, blah, blah and that's great too, but it's virtually impossible to do right away. Um, it's getting there. It's getting there. I think even the fact that I can get out for a run and um, you know, do some, do some like bicep curls once in a while, that alone, I couldn't do month three, you know, so it's looking a little, yeah, going into 11 months, sounds like a routine and I think having what, uh, like fast breakfast fast, Fast Next, just like readily available for you at those.

I don't know when you wake up at two in the morning in the morning, that, that's definitely helpful. Absolutely. My mom makes these killer like oat, oats, banana muffins or whatever. She brings them over a lot because she's just a sweet, sweet woman. And often it's those that I'm just like, well just like I literally, I'll take them off in right out of the fridge will heat it up or anything. I'll just take it out of the fridge, I'll open the margarine container, I'll dip the entire mother, I'll close the margin and I will shove it in my mouth. Like that is how quickly I'm moving and how much I'm just like, I don't want to dirty a dish uh, like, right, because like you said to, you have double the laundry or triple the laundry because your baby, you know, has spit up on their clothes or poop or whatever and then your outfits changed about four times that day because you're holding the baby all the time. You got breast milk leaking poop on yourself, spit up on yourself. So I um, you know, I found shirts in my closet that I'm like, I didn't even know I had this, but I've had to wear because nothing else is clean.

Just like, okay, I'd be like, we're wearing plastic bags today. I'm not doing any laundry for the rest of the week. I'm saying naked, no one's coming over. Who cares? It's true. We do do, we, we do do a lot of naked days, which, you know, good for everybody, but yeah, so I can't wait until it's hot enough that we can just, after a big messy meal. I can either eat outside or I can just like, hose them off, be like, okay, kids stand over that. Yeah, that'll be, that'll be a good day ma'am, have a good day. What are you doing for um for, for the housework and the chores and the regular stuff. Do you have you know you mentioned your mom is helping you with some food and some snacks, Do you have help? And you're a today also? Um yeah, mom and my stepdad, they come because they like our grandparents and offer childcare for drove and they're able to be in our bubble um for for Covid, which is really, really nice because people, Yeah.

Yeah. Um so they, whenever they're over and if we have like dishes or whatever, they just quietly go do them and it's just like you don't even notice and then you the next day or that that night you look and you're like the kitchen fairy come, like what's, what is this? Like? It's really, really lovely. Um and mom will also, you know sometimes she'll sneak our laundry into a bag and she'll take it home and she'll do and bring it back the next day and I'm just like, oh my God, you're amazing. So yeah, we've had a lovely supports. That's great and she knows she knows what it's like. Yeah. Is that her first grandchild. Yes. Although my sister has a french bulldog, jezebel who is technically my mom's first grandchild a grand dog, God she's so much like a child that she, yeah, we call, we call her mom's first grandchild. But so Jovan is her first human grandchild Grand human grand human as opposed to a grand dog and it's cute the the other day just I had her here in the backyard and drove in for the first time.

I reached out to actually pet her himself because he's been a little bit nervous around dogs just because like she didn't see them very much. Um But yeah it was really really cute. Jezebel was kind of sitting with her bum towards Jovan and Jovan was just like Mac just like smacked your bum and just like yeah I like that. Really cute. Oh my gosh they're gonna grow old together a little bit cousins, cousins, that's so again they both got j names too. Yeah I know but like that's a good thing but the only like uh the only catch to that is as I often call Jovan jezebel or vice versa. I'm just like uh that's yeah that's so normal though like I mean obviously parents with multiple Children but like I literally call my dog who's our child, Maple, my sister's name who lives in las Vegas. Like sarah stop hard.

Yeah I'm the only female name, I'm trying to call someone in the house but uh whatever your name is, you you please help me, thank you for coming right now. Uh Maple she's a let me think she she a bulldog. That was close. She's a whole dog mother. Yeah, totally. Set the bulldogs. I would love to have bulldogs so minds a mutt like you can't really tell. Okay um but she's a C. K. C spaniel and a papi in and then Marcia's got like three dogs. Oh my gosh this puppy love. My ultimate goal is to I think when drove in, just a couple of years older um I love to adopt a retired greyhound because they need a lot of love and they are just so majestic. I don't know.

Yeah one of my dogs and I don't know which side of him because he's a corgi and english bulldog mix but he's obsessed with babies so look into either of those, he protects every baby, he'd never even meet a baby just sees a baby, he's just like this is my baby now like every time so you want to, if you yeah I don't know which side of it which dog gives them that the corgi or the english bulldog but this but aren't aren't animals amazing like. No but nobody no one else cares like him though. The other ones are like oh cute, who's this, can they pet me? You know like that's the level but this one he's like whoa you're walking too fast. Get away from the step away from the baby, this is my baby like he will block you off like. Yeah this is my baby probably you if you let it just like let me get the baby's crying like his little ears are everywhere and she's like, oh God, the baby, like, what are you doing? You don't even know this baby, You just met her. That is so brilliant, so protective.

And he's a male dog. Yeah. Male dog. That's amazing. Right, What is that eternal into? I don't know, it's wonderful now. I gotta look into it. Um But we're going to actually just pause for a quick second, so we're gonna stick a little commercial in here, pay the bills, right, right, right, then we'll come right back, keep moving. Not a big deal. It's just like to say that I'm gonna keep that, keep that. I got to cut that, keep that a I have a bite of my mac and cheese. That's amazing. Well done. Well done. So, you know, it's a great way to stay in shape dancing their pants, dance in your pants. Yeah, I don't know what's up with that dog. They're gonna do some research because both of those breeds are just funky and quirky and just weirdos.

I don't know which side it comes from. You know, you ever need a babysitter? There you go, that's it. Get a harness, like little horse dog. There you go. Just on their back. Yeah, that's it. It's funny you say that because like, jezebel, my sister's french bulldog, she labored with me. So she's really, really good in pregnancy and birth. She, I don't know why, because she's only ever had C sections because she's a retired breeder, That's where my sister rescued her from. Um But so she yeah, she's had lots of babies but never got to really be a mother. But she's been with other dogs as they have given birth and really offered them support. She was with me during my labor. She let me hold on to her quite tightly and she just stayed really calm. She just kicks it into high gear when people are giving birth or dogs or giving birth. It's incredible, wow. Watch that. Yeah. Yeah, I really need to have a couple of pictures of me holding on to her for in my bed as I'm just like, right, so you did everything at home?

I did, I had a home birth plan that for quite some time and we had a big birth pool and everything and uh the labor started roughly and like, Like 6:00 AM, really really like chill. And then it didn't really kick into high gear until maybe like noon or one. And then joven came at 7:57 PM. Uh Four hours. Well, yeah, but it wasn't really bad until like one or two. So it was really only like six or seven hours that were kind of more painful. Um But your adrenaline is just like, so you really don't, you don't have time to process the pain, it's just happening to you, but you're not really feeling it, I don't know, it's it's under the water and not, well it did, it helped a lot. Um but it took them a while to fill it up like they were still filling it as I was in the in the town because of my labor was progressing so quickly and it did, it did help a lot. Like water is called um Nature's epidural, they call it because it does feel really nice but my my water, like my internal water broke um when I was in the birthing tub and as soon as your water breaks, that's when you know you lose that extra padding and cushion, so the contractions start really hurting and that's when it kicked into high gear and then for some reason my body was like, I don't want to be in the tub anymore, I want to be in the bedroom.

So I got up and I went to the bedroom and then after about 20 minutes my body was like, I want to be in the bathroom. So I got up and I went to the bathroom and I, I didn't question it, I just let my body lead, yep. And then eventually I was, I labored on the toilet for quite some time. Um And then when Dragon was really ready to come, I got down on my knees with my, I wasn't facing anyone is facing the wall, holding onto the bathtub, I just didn't want to look at anyone and so I had my facing backwards and so Allison was like between my legs getting ready to catch the baby. Um and she had been coached to catch the baby on the toilet but I flipped around last minute so she was like, oh crap, how do I, how do I do this in reverse? So she was like trying to figure that out and it all worked out great job and came out and you know, she had the umbilical cord wrapped around their neck about three times. So my my midwife took off one and then I grabbed it and I was like took it off.

It was amazing how it just kicks kicks in like that. Maybe that's why you got out of the water might have been tougher, maybe you knew that's brilliant. Yeah, that's so true. I never thought of that because then it would have been harder to see and it would have been trick here for her to breathe right away and all these things. So yeah. Really? That blows my mind. Good point. But I love that All three. Hell yeah, how it was in the bathroom right now babies, you get one loop. I got one. Yeah, you scooped her up and just had in my arms and I knew to like rub them and get them going and yeah, it was really, really cool and I had some, I had some like wonders about, you know, you know, how am I going to hold my baby in a way that feels right and safe and I wasn't worried that I couldn't do it, but I was also just like, it's going to be, it's going to be interesting, you know, navigating baby life and baby holding and baby maneuvering with my limb difference because I'm missing my arm below the elbow, on my left side um and like or my hand or whatever and so I had questions, but when Jovan came and I just scooped him up and it just felt so right, so natural.

It was like natural, all those those weird questions and fears kind of went away and uh yeah, everything's been pretty, pretty good. The only thing I don't really like to do is cut her nails. I don't even really like cutting my own nail, I get your tiny, so I get up early to help with that. I don't think it can hold anything sharp. Is there anything you'd be so nervous? I absolutely, I think a lot of people, regardless of how many women they have are just like, I don't know, but apparently you can bite their nails, like if they've had a bath and they're nice and kind of like soft, you can just like them and a lot of parents do that to avoid the nail clippers. Fun fact about parenting, I haven't tried it, but that's apparently you're wondering that's in your random parent knowledge bank. Thank you so many. I like I can give you tips on how to get like Jeld Chia seed off of the floor in like 2nd.

Oh my God, random information you're never going to have to know unless yeah. Anyway, but speaking of your labor, I don't know if you've seen this marcie a but oh I shared it to all of my pregnant friends during that time, but when Alexis had first gotten into labor, she was begging a freaking cake. Like literally when the contractions had started, she was in her freaking kitchen baking a cake and I think you counted how many times you had contractions for how long? Yeah, thank you for reminding me. It's like I remember but I also have like blocked that whole part of my life. I was like but I'm like, oh yeah, like and that's because my my incredible midwife and birth worker uh told me that by the time you have baked cooled and iced a cake, your labor from start to finish will be complete. So I was like, I'm going to riff on that, literally going to do that.

Yeah. And so I'm like I'm going to get all of this stuff ready, I'll get my, you know, just use my phone and I'm going to try to record an episode, bake a cake, figure that out and to kind of help me take my mind off of labor because the worst is when you think about it and the best is when you just just off doing other things. Um Yeah, and so the little, the pre labor happened early early in the morning, six am is when I was set, I was like Allison, I think I'm in labor. She was like, oh wow, do you want me you want me to wake up with you? And I was like, no, it's okay, you go back to sleep thinking like maybe maybe she'll wake up with me and we'll just get excited together. But she was like, I was like, okay, cool, I will just sit here and excitement by myself in time, my contractions, I could not go back to sleep. And I called my midwife and they came around, I don't know like what did they come not to like 1 12 or one may be a long time.

Yeah, because because I was like, they were like, oh, you know, you're, I was timing them and they were quite far apart and they were like, yeah, you know, call me back three and I'll come over for dinner time. And I was like, okay, sounds good. But then I texted them a couple hours later and I was like, hi there actually this far apart and they were like, I'm gonna get my bag ready now, I'm going to see you soon. And I was like, okay at that point I was like, I'm baking the cake. Like cameras rolling. It was like 11 a.m. that I started the episode and probably before 12 that I stopped, didn't take too too long, but then lay out, like I said like, 12 1 o'clock is when they really like the contractions really kicked into high gear because I was filming. I was like, yeah, these contractions are like for like eight minutes apart, six minutes apart. But as I actually timed them during the filming, they were like three minutes apart, have no sense of time. Um So yeah, then I got into the pool and it just, it was a perfect way to start the labor process just because it's now captured, you know, on camera and a lot of the world has seen it and but I have those moments of I can go back into that body and be like, oh, I remember what that felt like.

I remember wiggling my toes, each contraction I would curl my toes up because that would help distract some of the pain down down my legs. And just that this real experience that, you know, weirdly I would actually want to feel again because it was so enlivening and beautiful and hard and um yeah, it was horrible, but it was beautiful, you know, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I mean, you're talking to a powerless, there's a strong man, right? So I think I I think we got you, Yeah, like your soul if your body was disgusting. I loved it. Like, yeah, we're so and honestly it's like you you kind of, I've been told and what I kind of did a little bit too is like going into labor as approaching a really hard sport, like maybe a long, you know, really intense game or a marathon or whatever and like you kind of do the mental training ahead of time and you do a lot of visualizations and like some of the physical training too, but going into it, I literally felt like I was ready for that, that match or that, that marathon or whatever and then I just rode it out.

Um so yeah, there's a lot of similarities I think to like sport lifting, all that stuff, you literally, I guess. No, and feel your body's potential, like it's not just physically but mentally holy crap, there's so many Yeah, you know, you get that one squat that you felt like you almost broke your body in half are and you look at the video like, wow, I did that, right? Yeah, that's terrible. I do it again. Like Yeah, I get you. I get you. Yeah, and breaking your body in half is a good metaphor because totally what it feels like to have a baby. Oh, what's a lot very cool. Um Yeah, and I recorded it all the sound didn't work, we forgot to turn on the microphone, which is probably a good thing, but I did record a lot of like back, you know, kind of shots of the birth to the time interval interval leaving into a few episodes now and again.

So I've shown a couple of different clips and just to kind of get the vibe of what it was like, because it was really beautiful to have, you know, just me and Ali and my my birth team and pictures up on the wall of my grandparents and Ali's grandparents, just to kind of like, you know, invite our baby into our extended family and I don't know, it was just really, really lovely. We'll never forget the day. But did the pandemic change the way you were going to do it? Or did you have everything according to your plan? That's a great question. And I think it didn't affect it too much other than the fact that my family couldn't be with me, they were in the backyard. Um They had a barbecue um and so they were outside uh just just the three of them outside barbecuing and stuff, and how we run the pandemic regulations were a little bit different, so we were able to, you know, be distanced, but also the whole pod system hadn't really come too much into into play as much, so it was a little bit easier.

Um But still it was like, they couldn't be in the house and we couldn't like feel together right away. So that was tricky. But honestly, I don't think I would have changed much. I like having I liked having the space and just having me an alley for a lot of it and all right. Yeah I was I was very lucky. I'm glad I didn't have to rely on a hospital birth because that would have been you know in some places ali wouldn't have been able to come with me. I would have been alone. So I yeah my heart just goes out to all of the parents that had to deal with that crap by themselves. So I feel very honored and how many people are getting ultrasounds done and nobody can see the images? Right? Yeah it's awful awful. Mhm. There's one thing that you mentioned Alexis back when you were pregnant and I think you're going in for um specific check up with your with your doctor, your O. B. G. Y. N. I mean with limb difference awareness month it's just so important that you know the medical industry just sees our limb differences as like I don't know a step back or like oh congratulations your child doesn't have any limb differences like you you know to hear that like must have been so heartbreaking.

Yeah it was you know at that time I I had to go into for a scan because um a second scan because I had a couple of thyroid levels that were potentially a bit out of whack but they ended up being fine but it was this kind of special second scan and the person um uh like the technician, you know, when I showed the doctor my scans and then came back and was like, I just kind of get a couple more, we just didn't quite get a couple pictures of what everything we needed to. And I was like, is everything okay? And they were like, yeah, we just couldn't see one of the fingers are one of the hands or whatever in my head. I was like, does my baby have a limb difference? Because that would be amazing. But because both Allie and I were just like, we know it's not genetic, but like, wouldn't it be great if and so then, you know, they did more scans, took them to the doctor, the doctor came back and basically, basically I'm paraphrasing, but basically he said, you know, All is well, we were able to find all 10 toes all the time.

And I just like, I kind of stopped him and I was like wait, did you do you think I'm here? Because I'm worried that my baby might have one hand like me. Like, that's not why didn't you read the chart? I didn't say that part, but I'm there for a thyroid thing and I just had to make a humorous because I couldn't believe what I was hearing it was, it was so like borderline like, eugenics and gross and just like, awful that I was just like, are you kidding? Like, and then I was like, I would actually love it, and we were hoping for that. And I and I also know it's not genetics. So the chances of me having a baby with one difference are the same as probably the same or similar to anyone else. And then he kind of had to backtrack, but I I yeah, I'm glad you brought that up because it's really important to know, like you said, just how deeply entrenched the whole just able ism in general and how the medical community, I don't know. Yeah, just pathologize is and um makes it so just let the focus on that perfect baby and all these things.

It's just it's so scary. It can go a lot of dark ways and so um yeah, thanks for thanks for bringing that up because that's really important. And like, like I said, you know, not not to make this real dark, but it's also super important, and I've spoken about this on on numerous episodes um and on on instagram and stuff, but like to this day, doctors around the world still offer um you know, to terminate the pregnancy if they find a limb difference abnormality they call it or whatever. Um they offer that to the parents up to, I don't know, late in the day and it's just like, you know, obviously people have a right to do what they wish with their bodies and pro choice of course, but if that is the problem presented and the rationale and that's the only reason it's not life threatening. It's messed up. It's so messed up. It's like eugenics horrible. It's just awful.

And so um yeah it's just good to talk about and obviously these things are changing and it's not every doctor and it's getting better but we do still need to remind people that there are many other options. And there are beautiful lives and existence is all over the place with limb differences, disabilities that have incredible lives that deserve to be has celebrated as everybody else. Yes. That's why your channel is so important. That's why you know the Lucky fin project is so important. Even um I feel like you know the autistic community as well feels a lot of this pain. Yes. That's particularly stigmatized. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like able ism in parenting is also just uh for sure I know many, many, many who are our siblings and their parents, you know, they did the oh it was because of the vaccine and they didn't do anything for the second child.

And second child is also on the spectrum and they have nothing to blame this time. But they still are just as nasty about it. Like just your child is not being nourished right now. Like it's awful. It's just like let's just cut to the chase and get to disconnect with your child just be with them as they are because this is your child. Yeah. It's awful actually hear you or the ones that are like um applauding um, the parents for, you know, parenting an autistic child or a child who has, Oh yeah. You know like a ounce syndrome mom or special needs mommy and then they want the badge and the thing and it's like good for you for being a regular decent human being a hello. It's like, it's like the same thing for, you know, um, white folks who want cookies for, you know, stop boarding well. Yeah. Yeah. Or even just like simple like this money I raised for the NaacP or whatever.

Like whatever. Yeah. Black lives matter with this picture or whatever and they're just like, look at me. Yeah. But no, that's, it's so much, it's got to be so much deeper than that. Um performative. Yeah. Yeah. And when you're kind of using your kids as a prop in a way I guess. Yes. That's exactly. It's one thing to be like, hey, my kid has as rare as fun disease or my kid has this commonest fucked disease and let me teach you about some things and share my experience. Like cool do that. People need to, can you support me in these ways because we need it together but need to know, but I am, I'm a Downton your mom like, yeah, special needs superhero. Like a gray area. It's like, it's a weird line here, it's a very strange world and when it comes to online, like you don't even want to go in there. You don't even want to go there. Don't even get into that algorithm. It's weirdly don't even get that algorithm. I wish so funny fucking weird Haiti later.

Alright well is there anything you'd like to share in terms of limb difference awareness month in terms of tiny humans in terms of anything, what do you want to, what do you want do you want? Do you want? I think just like, I don't know, I'm just so happy to be on here again. So thank you so much. Um, you know, I'll be all obviously all the limb difference wearing this content that I'm posting this month will be on my instagram forever. So anyone at any time can check it out, please do and follow lots of different creators from all around the world etcetera. How can they find you? So uh, my youtube channel is stump kitchen on youtube. Um, that's pretty quick to find and then my instagram is at stump underscore kitchen or if you just type in some kitchen, you'll find me and those are probably the best ways and also on facebook and twitter lovely, fairly use them, but I'm there. So yes, wait a minute. Aren't you supposed to do a parenting podcast or something. Oh yeah, yeah, I did that with my friend Kyle.

Um, and so it's called the queer moms, you wish you had. Yeah, a bit online. What's it called again? The queer moms you wish you had. And yeah, they're they're kind of taking a little bit of a not like a break from social media but just like you know, their parenting and it's hard times too. And I had to take a little bit back from that podcast too just because of time and resources and energy. But yeah, we've got some fun episodes up so you can find it places that you can get other podcasts and yeah, we share some funny tidbits a few more to come as well, so you can check that out if you want to. That's great. Oh, before you go Alexis. And I guess our listeners can hear this too. Um It just came into my head memory a month. But when you posted that video of you know your experience with the doctor, I was kind of going through a similar like um I guess medical industry things.

So I was like um going I had plans to try to donate eggs um or an egg and there's a long, long process, right? You're telling them your genetic history, your disability or literally everything like family. Um And I just remember feeling so uncomfortable in like a phone screening afterward when they're asking a lot more questions about my disability, knowing that that was not genetic um And then also schizophrenia and my father knowing that that is also not genetic Um and just how like Abel is that conversation was and so the video that you posted, like really touched me um in knowing that I don't know this this misinformation, disinformation and this idea of like having that perfect child needs to go away. Yeah, because it erases the the realities and the lives of so many people or devalues them and exactly, you know, and I'm thank you for sharing that actually too, because one of my really good friends growing up, she uh really needed she needed an egg donor um to get pregnant and she ended up having to twins fraternal twins.

Um But yeah, she was quite young when she um went through early menopause and and the egg donor was just her her saving grace. And so that's amazing of you to want to do that. What a beautiful thing. What a beautiful gift for you to give somebody in the future. So yeah, well, I mean it's it's definitely a process that I wanted to take. But of course my application was rejected, denied and I don't know exactly why. So that's definitely, yeah, that's definitely something that needs to be, you know, that's heartbreaking. That's disgusting. That makes me so angry, so angry. I'm really sorry that that happened because that's absolutely not not okay, you're perfect and your eggs are perfect, okay, I'll eat your breakfast and a vegan a vegan a baby. No. Yeah, no, it was it ended with a big f you and like, no, I'll definitely just have my own Children and all those great things, but whatever.

Which the world will be lucky to have the thing I hate the most about those moments, and I'm sure that's the same thing you explained Alexis, like, in the moment you're like, what the fuck for real? Is it me? Is it me? Is it? That isn't me? And then, you know, later you think about it, you unpack and I was like, I should have cursed them the Yeah, because yes, you're totally right, you're totally right, you like that time you spent, like, two weeks, like, I could have said this. Yeah, Well that's the thing about Abel is right, it's just, it comes as a shock because it's not as outward as usually. Um you know, sexist or racist, derogative, like, No, you're not mentally there, you weren't prepared for that. You're thinking about your thyroid, you're like, Dang, what's up my hormones, like, maybe good, you've got to get my blood drawn or something later. Oh, 10. Think what they went for extra scans to.

You're not exactly not even get a I need to both of you with me during that process for you to excuse me. Hate it. Alright, well, anyway, thanks for sharing. Yeah, this was beautiful and important. Heavy conversation. So I'm really, really glad and hopefully you'll have me back again to talk about, who knows what else. Always always saying I'll put you, I'll put you in the nest right now. You've got your own code. Come on in. Hey, you're amazing. Yeah, I love chatting with you. It's just great. And, and you just keep doing the work that you're doing as you can because it's so wonderful and lovely and important. And I always feel good when I see your posts. So yeah, thank you. We do to keep doing it and keep sending updates. Uh, you got it. Absolutely. I'll send you some pics on the dl right now to, yeah, disabled girls out.

E49: Return of the Stump (Alexis Hillyard)
E49: Return of the Stump (Alexis Hillyard)
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