Disabled Girls Who Lift

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E08: Cripping Up Sex with Eva Sweeney

December 23rd 2019

Our guest joining us today is one of our favorite personalities. A sex educator, writer, and sex toy reviewer Eva Sweeney provides sex workshops and private classes for people with disabilities, of... More

this is disabled girls who lift. We are reclaiming what's rightfully ours. One podcast at a time. It's mary Beth Chloe and Marcia bringing you the thoughts and unpopular topics to get you out of that. A bliss comfort zone. Yeah. Hello all welcome to episode eight of disabled girls who lift. Thank you again for joining us. If this is your first time you've got some catching up to do this. Okay, that's fine. Get to it. So well today we are talking with Miss Eva about creeping up sex. Let's talk about sex baby. Anyways. So at as per usual, I'm Marcia from south florida, I'm Chloe from Iowa and I'm mary Beth from California. So yeah, our guests joining us today, the infamous Eva Sweeney I fangirl over her on instagram, she's creeping up sex on I. G. If you all didn't know. Um but she's a sex educator, she provides workshops and private classes of her own and I just love that she provides so many accessible options for people with disabilities and she makes it super fun because sex toys are a lot of fun and then assisting her today to answer some of our pre written questions as well as um read from her letter board is Eva's Aid Cameron.

So if you hear a voice that is Cameron, um so thank you boys both for joining us. We are so so, so excited to have you and discuss these even more uncomfortable topics. Yeah, thanks for having us. So just a little about us. I mean you you definitely covered it really well. Um but you know my name is Eva Sweeney. I'm a sex educator with cerebral palsy. I'm also nonverbal. So, uh, as as she said, the voice you'll be hearing is that of my aide, Cameron and Cameron just will be reading my prewritten answers and follow up points. And I mean, and for follow up points, I'll be spelling on my letter board, it's beautiful. And so if anybody doesn't really get what that meant in general. So just because you're non vulnerable doesn't mean you don't have a voice. So Eva Eva has a board in front of her and she can use some next level technology to point to the letters and spell out the words, which um, which will be read out by Cameron. So don't forget everybody has a voice.

So my first, I think direction will go in because this is creeping up sex and on her page she shares a lot of talking points and education. Um, but she's also openly queer. So yes, a lot of levels here. So I'm curious is there like a coming out story? Is there a moment? Is there a journey? And we're all smiling? Well, I am pretty obviously queer. I came out to myself when I was 12 years old And then I came out to my friends and then when I was 19 years old, I came out to my parents, but they already knew, so like a really straightforward experience. Honestly, I feel really lucky in that way I did at first though come out as a lesbian. But as time went on I realized I was not solely attracted to women. So queer just became more of an appropriate label for me.

Yeah. That makes sense. Was that a long journey that in between? And did you feel because I've I've spoken to some people in the past before they have been told that identified as lesbian and then you know, told like they're not lesbian enough or they don't know what they want and they're not really lesbians. Or like was that in the middle part? Kind of rough? I k. I L. O. V. E love being a lesbian. But what but when I f oh you found um myself a attracted to other genders, I was like oh lesbians not good enough. Yeah. Um so queer just is more comfortable and makes more sense totally sing with me.

I mean queer is like the overarching umbrella term, right? Um we can identify with whatever we want. So I'm kind of mixing between bisexuality and pan sexuality because why can't we love all totally? For sure. Exactly. Um so upon that, in your dating history, I'm sure you have to deal with the common um other people's thoughts on disabilities and then the wheelchair fetishes, I'm sure you love talking about this. Um so please tell us what are your thoughts on that? Okay, well my feelings on devotees, you know, people who fetishize people with disabilities are well if all parties involved are knowingly and enthusiastically into what's going on, then that's all that matters. You know, like with any kink or fetish, But with that said, one person is just focused on fetishizing the disability and the other person is either like not aware or just really not down for that.

Uh then that's where it really becomes like a more of a problem. When you just fetishize someone's disability, it removes the, it usually removes the idea that they're also like a whole entire person who's just so disabled. Um which can often lead to like people being very disrespectful, being dehumanizing that person is not really that great. Um but when I was 20 years old, diva, he found me on yahoo messenger and they messaged me and wanted me to sit on his lap and drew on him. Okay, So his ex, I guess used to do that for him and he wanted somebody else to do it. Um I talked to him for a little bit just because I thought he was interesting, like not in a sexual way because like, he's like, super not my thing. I was just generally curious.

Um But yeah, that was an interesting experience, but on another experience, I, one of my current partners actually got called a devotee just because they were dating you really weird and hurtful and definitely not true. Like you're not a devotee just because you're dating someone. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. I hear the term inter abled relationships a lot and the pride that comes along with that, so that's definitely a lot more respectable term. Exactly. Yeah. And have you have you ever dealt with any fetishes mary beth and Chloe? Because I mean there's like a million out there, right things get weird so and not with not with the limb difference or anything at all because I've had people say stupid things and push push us away. Like we talked about um if they see a disability they think it's a struggle or or you know um more effort on their end or whatever.

I've had people ask me very uncomfortable questions. Like have you ever tried fisting a girl with your left arm? Uh huh. Hey, I'm not open to I mean I'm open to trying that in the future now that I think of it. Yeah. We didn't have to talk about this uh Weird yeah. Questions. Yeah. But along the lines of the fetishes, did you experience that more with women or men or a little bit of both? De definitely men. Yeah. They're usually the perpetrators, not not to say women couldn't do that and certainly I'm sure plenty have but you know the patriarchy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But I like I like what you said Eva about, you know if you have a fetish and everybody's having fun, whatever, but if you're having a fetish and like you just see this person as that fetish. They're not even the person anymore. Yeah. It's so right. And and you know, it could be whether you're in the wheelchair and that's my fetish or like, oh, I only like to seek out asian girls. That's my fetish. Like, people get really attached and strange and weird and it's like, not it's not an experience anymore for you. You're just like there to satisfy whatever they're going through. Yeah, exactly. It's like you're not a sex toy. You know, it's weird. Yeah. And you can tell the difference between, I mean, and some people do enjoy being sex toys or being fetishized. Others, you know, there's a lot of respect that comes along with being in a healthy relationship or a healthy sexual relationship. Yeah. And I mean, I'm pretty lucky that online, I don't have a lot of those um what most, like, weightlifting women get, you know, the guys and the DM is like, oh, could you crush a watermelon between your thighs?

You could you pick me up like that and you're not you get that at all. Khloe, I don't I don't know most people do, but I don't know if they want a video of me crushing a watermelon, I'll do it if they pay me, yeah, it's my cash app? Let's do this. So, I have a question for you Eva how does birth control come into a place in your life, how do you use it? Well when I was 19 I took birth control just to regulate my menstrual cycle because I used to get like really bad cramps. Um it would a it would take me out for a f like for a few days. It was so bad. Um And my general physician was very hesitant because of the risk of blood clots especially since I sit in a wheelchair all day.

However when I explained I move around and even when I'm like even when I'm just sitting, she she was cool that um I ended up just skipping my periods altogether when I was on birth control and about nine years in I just decided to go off birth control to see what it would be like. And now my periods are actually much more manageable than they used to be. Yeah wow. So the birth control, the time that you spent on it was potentially lead to some kind of change in your body where now it's your periods are lighter, they're more manageable. Uh Maybe uh Maybe or it could be just I. G. O. Got O. L. Got older and my menstrual cycle changed in itself. Yeah totally. Okay. Yeah. Question. And that's yeah that's such a good question and that's such a common question.

I'm starting to find amongst um queer couples and that they're like you're lesbians. Why do you need to use birth control? Why you don't have any you shouldn't have any fear of having a child um Unprotected, you know? Yeah, but it's it's um it's also a medication, right? So you know if you have endometriosis like you might be better off with birth control or and that sort of thing. So there's different reasons why people are on or can't take or would rather take or totally hate it. Also I know also getting um s getting T. E. Tested for stds when you're queer or like your experience with the gynecologist. Not great. My gynecologist uh Well she really didn't understand why I wanted to get STD tested.

Like oh my God, she's like you're queer, why why do you what like why do you you you shouldn't be like she really didn't understand queer sex like at all, do you not understand? I use like things like condoms and gloves and like I like to prevent it. Like I get STD tested every time right before I have sex with somebody new just to make sure I'm all good. And she just really did not understand that. I had to like bend her arm just to get tested. But um I had to go to Her because she was the only one that could do. Um well my pap smears the way that in an accessible way. So this is like a really common situation. Well when she retired it was a total bitch because we had to like to like 30 different gynecologist and pretty much all of them said no to this.

But basically the for me like I can't use a a typical speculum, like it just can't it would be a nightmare. It would be horrible. Not physically possible. So there's this thing called a blind swab and it's basically just a long Q tip that you use and it's blocked. Like this whole point of the speculum is to open up the vagina so you can see the cervix and get some sample like cell samples from the cervix, basically this is just that except you can't see the cervix. So it's a little bit more of a guess whether where the cells come from, but it's better than not getting the pack at all right, they just stick it in there like, okay, you're getting warmer, you're getting warmer, okay, you're there. Yeah, I know now I know many people with disabilities who just don't get their pap smears or mammograms and uh that that's not that's not good.

That's actually really dangerous. Like people just women with disabilities are a higher risk of breast cancer because of that reason. Just simply because people are not willing to make it more accessible. Um because they just don't think about people with disabilities and sexual health at all. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's something that um the queer community has, you know, worked so hard on. But I've talked to a lot of um queer women in relationships were like yeah um I don't care so much about protection anymore because I'm only with women. I'm like, no, you don't know what you're bringing into the bedroom. It's an infection. Like it's an infectious thing. Are you giving oral sex changing saliva? Are you not exchanging fluids? You definitely don't use dental dams? That's for sure. Yeah. That's like leaving the bathroom. Like, oh no, I don't worry about washing my hands anymore, share the toilet with my lover.

It's fine on that segue. Uh let's talk about strap on sex baby. You talk about it so often, um and all the great toys and tools that you use. Um as you see comfortable, let's let's talk about it. All right. Well, I love strap ons, as you mentioned, um not just because they're super fun, but they're so accessible. Like when, when most people think about strap ons, they think about the classic pelvic harness, right? But there are harnesses for every part of your body. Like you can have a harness for your chest, for your feet, for your thigh, your hand, your forehead, your chin. Just like anywhere else that you're able to thrust basically.

Like you can put a harness on it. Like um I myself got a custom hand harness made by unicorn collaborators. And it was such a great experience working with them because we we video chatted. We talked about like what my hand needs in order to be able to hold a hand harness and they made a custom one just for me that is like just the beautiful part about harnesses. Like you can always have them custom made to like fit you and like, especially for people with disabilities who don't fit into that typical mold of how a body is supposed to look right. Um uh so it's just so great. And I definitely recommend unicorn collaborators to anybody looking for a custom harness or a harness in general. Really? That's awesome. I didn't, I, I mean, yeah, it's so hard to, to even find um these big name companies that create tools for people with disabilities because it is the most inaccessible industry and the fact that they were able to make a, a tool for you.

That's freaking awesome. I'm definitely, we're definitely putting that in the show notes. And is that what they're set out to do? Are they just a company that you just happen to like fall into and they're like, hey, we'll help you um make harnesses. Um but they were, oh, they were just open to working with me. So they, there's a lot of custom, like, like if you look for it, you can find a lot of little custom harness companies and they'll just, you know, it's finding one that's like, especially open though is really helpful because I didn't really talk about that. Okay, so there, there's one harness company was in the bay actually. Yeah. Um and so funny. They did make like a, was it a chest harness? Yeah. They made a custom chest harness and they did it and it was great. But the hilarious part about it was they thought it was just something that I wanted to hold me down in my chair.

You know, they didn't think I was using it for like a sexual reason by okay. It was cool working with somebody that knew like, okay, I'm working with this like, yeah. Oh my gosh, it's so funny you said that because I've had like, I've I'm a physical therapist and I work with adults and also kids and I've worked with young adults who have cerebral palsy and there in chairs and whatever and like, you know, they'll meet an intern in that facility and they'll be hitting on them and they'll be like, oh ha ha, that's so cute. He's so funny. Like no, this guy wants to funk like what are you? He's serious and it's okay, we're laughing at him. Like what are you doing? And what I love? And I know you've been on so many podcasts Eva but have you heard of my absolute favorite right now? And I have super long commutes. So I have hour long, you know, I have an hour at a time to listen to um his name is Andrew Garza.

Yes, I am good friends with him. Yeah. And we've been on this podcast a few times. Yes. Oh my gosh I need to find it because I'm still on he has like 200-plus episodes. You've been around that long. He a actually has R. E. Even reviewed sex toys for me on my sex toy blog. Heck yes. Because he's starting this new project called deliciously Disabled or I don't know how that's um falling into place for him but he's actually working on making accessible sex toys for for people with disabilities and he's also in a wheelchair. Exactly. Yeah. So I think that you shared that with the porn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh are you featured in that? To Eva No. No.

Oh my God in Canada. So I never actually met in person but been friends for a long time. Yeah. That's freaking awesome. Now I'm definitely a fan girling even more. Okay so you talked about a number of different things that happen in the media and just things that come up which is pretty awesome and that's why I love your page so much and your your blog and um Um you had thoughts on Dr. Phil's out of 100. Um if some of you don't know will play a little sound bit for you. But he basically says you can be his caregiver or you can be his lover. You can't be both 100 out of 100 times. This won't work. Um So tell me what are what are your thoughts on that? Well I want I went ahead and watch that episode of dr Phil, not because I like dr Phil like at all.

I but I just could not believe he said that I had to see what the deal was. Um Yeah, so basically my thoughts on that absurd statement are all relationships regardless of whether your partner is able body disabled, something in between. Whatever it's going to require some kind of caretaking like your gets sick or have a bad day. And then of course you want to help them by making them like super cooking their favorite food to cheer them up. Or maybe like doing my laundry for them because they're just not in a place to do it, you know? Um But however, like I'm loving all these couples posting their pictures and stories just to prove dr Phil wrong and like disprove this rhetorical that people with disabilities don't make good partners if you have to help them in any way. Yeah, exactly, and I mean he I think doesn't take that spot.

So there's a specific couple. Their name was I think bailey and Harley who were on the show. Yeah, they had a specific dynamic where it was unhealthy. It was a little toxic. You know, the um the guy in the wheelchair, he had his own insecurities. Um his own uncertainty about whether or not that relationship would work as her as a caretaker and a lover or a girlfriend at the time. Um But if those things come before the caretaking before the love then that's what makes it toxic to begin with. Not the fact that he's in a wheelchair. The wheelchair isn't toxic. Yeah. What? Yeah. It's pretty it's a pretty lame idea and I think if you get into a relationship and you want it to be meaningful and lasting and you go into a relationship thinking that you'll never have to take care of somebody, like just never mind cancel it.

Yeah. Um I at at first did not um let any of my partners help with anything involving my personal care. Uh but as time went on and I met a really great partner who was very, you know, open wanted to help me, you know wanted alone time doesn't always want to aid right there next to us. You know. Exactly. I let them help more and of course they're not full time um or anything like that. But like if you communicate with your partner whether you're full time or they help occasionally or whatever the circumstances as long as you're communicating. Um and making sure that everybody involved is like feeling good about it wants to help not, you know like you can get rid of those feelings of being a burden or being on your partner or your partner being like burnt out or whatever like you just have to communicate.

Yeah. Exactly. And I think that's what was happening with that relationship specifically was they tried, you know getting and adding some support, adding some caregivers and it didn't work and so she um the partner would jump in and take some shifts and then ended up doing it full time. But there was the the level of guilt that he continued to have and the uncertainty that it was gonna work. But everyone in a relationship sacrifices something and it's always a choice and you're not communicating then you're not you're not gonna get anywhere. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you can or can't do. Yeah totally. Absolutely. There's actually a really good example of a very healthy couple that helps. I don't know if you guys have heard of squirmy and grubs. Oh they're so cool. There is such a good Youtube channel. Oh yeah, so basically their names are Shane and Hannah and Shane has muscular atrophy or muscular s oh Sm sm sm.

Yeah. Yeah totally. Um And Hannah's able bodied and she helped him like full time and they document like their life and their relationship as an interracial couple. But like you can just see like even though she helped and they've talked about it multiple times even though she's helping him full time. They make it fun, they're communicating, they check in with each other you know and like that's crucial and it helps Shane. It's helped Shane feel like he's not a burden to his partner by talking to his partner about it and making sure that he's not a burden to his apartment. So it's just, it's so vital and inter abled relationship or just any relationship really to be talking about like how you're feeling and how the other one is feeling and what you're doing and um they are also just age really hilarious in general, definitely. Yeah, we've got to check them out and I'm definitely looking there. What was it, what was the actual for me and grubs?

Um what really ticks me off the most about one of dr Phil's other statements that people tend to forget is he said something about your young, single attractive female, out of all people that you could choose why to someone in a wheelchair and it's like any couple that grows old together, one of them is bound to end up in a wheelchair, one of them is going to get old and have Alzheimer's and have to take care of the other. So what the hell is the difference? People don't like to talk about how disability is like a natural part of life and pretty much almost everybody in life is going to end up disabled at some point. So we should just normalize them now and get thank you and people and people love to, you know, if somebody is in that relationship will glorify the able bodied person. You know, if somebody, if somebody has a traumatic accident and then they become paralyzed and like, you know the husband stays or or the girlfriend stays and they're like, oh, you're so brave. What do you mean?

Either you love this person or you don't like, what do you mean? You're so brave? So on that is disabled a bad word. Um, no, I would not consider disabled a bad word. I respect that. Other people like what they want to call themselves. Um, but for me, I'm proud to be disabled. Heck yeah. Read as you can tell by the name of our podcast and that's definitely like a lot of internal conversations that need to happen because as a kid, I was like, mm mm mm mm I don't, or even now I don't use a handicapped placard. You know, the um, the symbol for it is wheelchair users and we tend to forget that other disabled people exist. Um, you know, hidden illnesses chronicle to be a more universal sign for disability. That's not just true, classic person in a wheelchair.

Exactly. Very true. And I'm not seeing people who try to push forward them to just change the angle of the person to make it seem like they're actually moving the chair. So they're just like laying in the chair, but in general, I think it needs to be a broader image because I mean people will see me and be like you're fine. You're strong. You've got muscles like what's your problem? And I've even, and you know, forever ago I used to talk to mary beth like I don't know am I disabled? Can I say that? I'm not sure like I wasn't sure because I felt like am I faking something and you know, I don't look like anything. Yeah, I feel like that's really common. It's really unfortunate that like people have to feel like they fit in this like particular box or even people that only use wheelchairs, wheelchairs part time feel like they're fake, you know? Exactly. Yeah. That is definitely a stigma that we're trying to also uphold on on our pages that not all wheelchair users sit in a wheelchair full time.

Not all wheelchair users stay in the house all day. You know, we have normal jobs. Sometimes we are funny. We are sexual, we are all of the things, pretty much human beings, you know. Exactly. Imagine that. I'm curious. Did you guys um like how did you find Cameron or did you have to go? Did you have, have you had a lot of different aids. Has it been like a nightmare or has it been good if there has been a lot of different aids? I could not tell you how many um but it has not been a nightmare or anything like that. It's been a really good experience. But I can take you guys through kind of the process of like how I find aids and stuff like that. So um when I need to find new aids. I typically post on craigslist and just other sites, but mainly craigslist with the very detailed posting about like who I am, what I'm looking for just to weed out anybody that I probably wouldn't want to work for work with anyways, like if I didn't put I was queer and then I might get and I have gotten homophobic AIDS, so I've just learned that like I need to put it all out there so that like people that aren't cool with these aspects of me can just like not reply to my advertisement.

Um Yeah, so and I don't look for people with prior experience working with people with disabilities because I can just very easily trained them on what I want them to do. Yes. Um And but also sometimes when you hire people who do have that prior experience, they can often like get in this mindset of thinking like that they already know how to help me, which is often not true. Um I'd rather just work with someone and train them from like a completely fresh point of view. Um And then pretty much what happens after I post the advertisement. Like people will email me and like tell me a little bit about themselves and I'll send them them follow up questions and these questions can range from like, do you have any back problems or like I'm a sex educator, I talk about sex a lot. Are you comfortable comfortable with this? You comfortable verbalizing like my workshops and different things like that? Yeah. Um And if I still like their answers then we'll schedule an interview and basically uh the first interview is just kind of like me meeting them and me giving them more information about like what the job entails.

Yeah. Um and then I'll ask them to think about it and email me a day later if they want to do a second interview. Um Most people during the first interview are really quick to say like yes, I want a second interview, like when they're right there in front of you, but like if you make them take like a whole day about it and they digest everything we talked about and I asked them like make sure that this is something you can do for a while and that you really would want to do or would enjoy doing. Um and you'll find that not everybody carries the same enthusiasm a day later for, you know, various reasons. Um but this just helps so much to eat out. Anyone who would, you know, probably start the job and then just quickly leave the job anyway, so I'm trying to avoid that. Um And basically if they do want a second interview, that interview is just kind of more for chemistry, considering I'll be spending so much like one on one time with this person, I really want to make sure that we both enjoy it.

So in the second interview we will just hang out and like chat for an hour. I don't need to have a lot in common with someone in order to enjoy hanging out with them. Um Also needing to get along with my age is not only vital for when we're just hanging out, but it really helps to like when we're doing other stuff like scheduling appointments, doing business stuff or whatever because like we've developed this relationship and we, it's easier to be on the same page with my AIDS so it just makes things go a lot easier. Um And yeah and so if all goes well with all of those little steps then I will offer somebody the job. That's awesome, is that a privately funded or do you use insurance or uh currently privately funded? Yes. Yeah, it's very good. Yes, I was gonna say well because I know I've seen in nursing homes when they have AIDS privately funded and they have somebody come in and these people would just be like fly by night, like they just like run through them, just cycle through just boom boom boom boom boom.

And then you know, I started talking to them like well why, you know, I'll ask the actual AIDS, like what is happening, why is there so much turnover and they'll come in and they'll tell you like, oh well you know I have a bad back, they don't tell me I had to do this. Uh they only pay us $12 an hour or you know, didn't tell me that I had to be here all day, didn't have my hours right? And I'm just like how can you not set somebody up for the job? Like they're taking care of a person. That that's exactly why I am S. U. Super C. L. E. A. Super clear about what the job entails. Yes. Um because I just don't want there to be any confusion or anybody being like, oh I don't know how to do that. So by I really like that. And those are awesome awesome points and um words of advice for somebody out there looking for an aid. Um because the first like few minutes that we got on this call, I realized the dynamic between you two is awesome.

Like you already embodied the personality um or you both body embody each other's personalities. And um I can tell that you click with Cameron very, very well and and all all my other aids to yeah, I've just been around awhile. I've done a lot of podcasts, know how to do the thing, but like, like mhm. You have a very good relationship with all your age because of this thorough process. Exactly. So it's very nice. That's amazing. That's pretty awesome and I think it's hard to sometimes is when people are nonverbal and someone doesn't have the patience to figure out the things they want to say or that they're trying to say. Have you had a lot of trouble with that part? Well that's the great part about the second interview because it's just me that person and the board. So if they're like don't have that patience just in that hour to get to know me very like obviously it takes practice a little bit to get used to the board but still like you can kind of get like an idea for how that person is going to deal with this form of communication.

Exactly and even reading your body language is just understanding you know things that you like or wouldn't like without that verbal communication because some people suck at that too. Not always around the board there. I have to be I mean we have to be able to communicate with them without the board. So how many hours a week or a day does Cameron work into? What extent does she aid you? I am a 9 to 5 or so monday through friday. But I have other aides that work you know part time do like 15 hours e evenings and weekends and stuff like that. Um But you have 13 hours a day of care that gets split up between two people a day, basically awesome. And I never actually watched this movie but have you guys seen the, what's it called? Exactly the upside like how do you had, is it is it cringeworthy is it is it an accurate representation or unfortunately haven't seen it from a distance.

It looks a little cringe because there's always that like okay an able bodied person playing a disabled person. I don't really care for kept apart. I totally get that. I totally get that. Yeah. No, I haven't watched it either because that's kind of how I felt too like oh here we go. Another inspirational like another movie now. I can't remember the name of it that people just love for no reason or somebody gets sick and they like carrie and there's like a bathtub scene or something. Mm It's like in or Let Me Go or something like that. I don't know. But it was it was on that same vein. Like let's glorify the able bodied person and let's not actually cast people with disabilities and way too many of those. I mean there's not enough movies involving disability but when there are there are always sh it like that. Yeah. Yeah. It's really frustrating and it's tragic way.

Exactly the way. And I know that wasn't the original the upside. I think the original was filmed 2030 years ago and it was a British or a film. I still don't know though if that actor was actually um wheelchair user or not but it's worth looking into. Yeah. Well that's interesting. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well that's a challenge though to Hollywood Get your Together? Yeah. Yes. Yeah. It's really not that hard and it always has to be and why does it always have to be so traumatic? Like why can't we just be like why can't it just be like a nice coming of age story? Like what? Yeah. I actually consulted on this really cool tv show called Speechless. Have you guys heard of it? Yeah. That's where they got the laser pointer and shipped on that show. That's all. Hell yeah. What what is that air on abc?

So it got canceled last year but it went from three seasons. Um I know right. They used my exact communication board. I invented this when I was 16 years old. Excuse me. Yeah, basically have that. Yeah, it's very cool basically before the show ever got made, I met with the creator scott Silveri and he just saw like oh he uh is he had a brother who had cerebral palsy. Um But he could not see oh communicate like I can. Um So he did a lot of he wanted to make a show about you know that you know, start a person with a disability and his family. Um And basically but he needed he knew he needed to outsource and get other people's perspectives in order to do it correctly. Um So we met for coffee and immediately saw the way I communicate the dynamic between me and my aide.

Um At uh f I at first his character j j. Um used like a high tech A. C. Device like you know like Stephen Hawking um like as soon as he saw me he was like okay change the script, we need this because this is just like very engaging way to communicate. But also they added they created an entire aid character because that dynamic is special and amazing and that's why Cedric Yarborough thanks me for his job. Honestly, you just Yeah, I felt it on a lot of the scripts just to make sure like I would even add add ideas or be like hey that's that's that's not super accurate or you could do it like this, you know all all three seasons. Um So and they even talked about inspo porn because of me totally.

Which is the first time any tv shows ever talked about that, let alone a primetime sitcom. So that show was like a really good first step for disability representation. That's so awesome. That makes me so happy and excited because when a letter board is way more um it's way more accessible than the A. C. Device that Stephen Hawking used, like not everybody can afford that. Insurance doesn't cover that ship. But what did the casting look like on like did they actually use somebody with a disability or would you have been comfortable to be a part of that casting? He has cerebral Meka Fowler. The guy who plays JJ. He actually has cerebral palsy to um he's actually a little more verbal in real life but in the show he used the letter board and laser pointer but he does use a wheelchair and he has cerebral palsy sick. Which is a awesome, it's really awesome.

And uh S. C. O. T. T. Scott the creator said he would not have the done it any any other way basically. Yeah and a lot of the writers on the show either like had a disability or like knew someone who was close to them that had a disability or like everybody in there was like just so focused on doing it as best as they could. Um So that's why or that was that was so cool. It's just such a great show. Yeah. And I've got to ask what did you think about the title of the show? Speechless? I l I love it honestly it's not triggering like we there are different words in terms that we embrace and you know use to empower us within our disabilities and I'm happy that that didn't trigger anything.

Yeah. No not for me personally. Um because the T. H. Thing things J. J. J. Said oh f. Often make P people S. P. E. Speechless. Can you guys hear the dog whimpering there's like are the dogs sleeping and making weird dream noise? That's what that is. Yeah I thought it was my dog for a second. Oh baby all of our listeners know we already welcome dogs and babies into our welcome interruptions, who cares? Yeah. Dogs sleeping on the side. That's funny. Yeah, there's actually a golden retriever service dog character on the show because of Coral because she's really weird. Coral likes to eat like leaves and ice cubes and stuff.

So the golden retriever on the show like, likes to collect belts and other weeks, it's really yeah, golden retrievers are one of the best service animals I've seen. They're the friendliest and they're so charming. Yes, that's exactly why we got her because, you know, like, I wanted somebody who is as social as I am. Yeah. Yeah. Um Yeah, I mean, I just love all the work that you do and everything that you contribute to, like Salty World and the podcast that you've been featured in all the articles that you've written. Like, do you wanna shout any of those out? Um I have S. E. The several cool A articles on on salty um like how to deal with chronic pain and sex and how to g how to F.

I. And how to find cool queer friendly AIDS and sex positive AIDS and stuff like that. Um Let some other little things. It's hard to keep track. Yeah. As C. A. R. Scarlett team is also when I recently started contributing to as well. Um what was the one who put out? My God, as P. O. We talked about spasticity and sex. Um Yeah, totally. So that was really cool and I'm currently working on another article for them as well. Well actually for both Salty and Scarlett in so we'll just keep an eye out awesome. That's a good point because I don't think people, most people don't really understand um like what spasticity is or rigidity or just the fact people have differences in muscle tone and how that changes when you're excited or sick or have to pee. Yeah, so I'm glad you're talking about it.

That's awesome. And what what made you even say that I need to talk about it? We're just like there's nobody telling me how to figure this out. Let me help her. I mean that's the basis of the entire creeping up sex like thing is nobody else is talking about it. Yeah. Exactly. So what what what needs to be done? Yeah. That's awesome. Because I actually follow Erica smith who's like a sex educator and that's how I found your page as I was asking her, do you know any pages of people that have disabilities that are sex educators and that's how she shared yours. She's like yeah of course that was a bunch. But yeah, it's pretty cool because to me when I found her pages so I was like I didn't even know this was a thing like and the stuff she's talking about, I'm like yeah yeah yeah, that's right, okay. Then I found your page and I was like yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. It seems to be out there. Okay. Very cool. That's awesome. Good work. So necessary. But yeah, thank you for sharing all of that. It was such a breath of fresh air because when work is being done to there are actual films that work really hard and have these conversations with people like us and um you know, I just love following all the articles again and your page.

Such necessary dialogues. So if we made anyone out there feel uncomfortable bucket. Uh that's the mission of this podcast. There's no comfort zones. Pretty good. Yeah. Do you have anything else you'd like to share with our listeners or um just uh follow me on instagram. I'm creeping up sex. You can check out my Patreon. Um My W. E. My website as well, creeping up. Sex with Eva dot com. It's got lots of great stuff from my Sex Toy review blog to like upcoming workshops. And my I have an anonymous uh sex advice website so people can ask me questions anonymously about sex and disability and stuff like that. And I've got a shop, you can get prerecorded classes so much more. You can just go check it out curving up sex with Eva dot com. Thank you so much disabled girls out.

Thanks for listening to disabled girls who lift. Don't forget to follow rate and like us on Spotify ITunes in player FM. You can also find us on instagram at disabled girls who live

E08: Cripping Up Sex with Eva Sweeney
E08: Cripping Up Sex with Eva Sweeney
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