Disabled Girls Who Lift

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E66: Self-Care Without Breaking the Bank

by DGWL
October 10th 2022
01:01:50
Description

Managing self-care might seem so cliche in today’s age of mental health awareness, but it’s one thing to say it and it’s another to act on it. We discuss the steps we take to find ourselves in the ... More

this is disabled girls who lift. We are reclaiming what's rightfully ours. One podcast at a time, it's mary Beth Chloe and Marcia bringing you the thoughts and unpopular topics to get you out of that. A bliss comfort zone. Welcome back to another episode of disabled girls who lift as always, thank you for your support, your comments, your love, your Patreon, submissions, dropping things in. Our tips are buying our stickers, all that good stuff. This is Marsha, I'm sitting on Seminole tribal land in florida and our lovely co host is going to introduce herself. This is mary Beth sitting on a lonely land in northern California. Fantastic. We have no guests, just us for a little quickie quickie episode. We're talking self care, we're talking mental health, which is physical health, which is mental health and we're talking boundaries since the world is kind of a dumpster fire and personally, as individuals, many of us and by us, I mean me are going through it right now, so how do we still exist as disabled girls and lift when we're going to funk through it and not even recognizing that it's that people are going through it.

I like to assume that everyone's going through it in their own dumpster fire of a house or or a school or a job. You know, at this point in the world, I assume everybody is going through something for sure. I think that's the best way to live though because you're empathetic to everyone else's time and space and responses if they give you a shitty response, you know, it's like, oh you're going you're going through it. Me too. It's fine. You don't got it boss. I think um there's a book. People always talk about four agreements and I've literally never read it but I know about the one that's like don't take things personally. Um But I feel like instead of saying don't take things personally it's like assume everyone is in a dumpster fire. I feel like that's that's like a different frame. Yeah. Yeah like instead of being like oh it's not about you like it's not but also like oh damn they're going through it. Yeah but it's so true though.

Like in even if it's like a small that because that's the thing that we tend to like compare right who has it harder in life misery, olympics. Olympics which in many ways it's true. We got white people problems we got brown people problems. But um at the end of the day like everyone still has a mental health you know that they need to take care of shoes that they're going through. That we just never know about. That's true. I mean you know I'm not in Pakistan with like my house flooded or fort Myers that just got wrecked right? Or like all these places that don't even have clean water like I can survive. I'm surviving. I'm not worried about my immediate survival but I'm also not gonna be fucking sad and be like well those people have it worse than that doesn't help me.

Yeah. That don't help me. Yeah. And I think a recent conversation I just had was like realizing that you can't fix everything in the world. Like not just in your own yeah circle or your own life, but say, you know all the things that are happening fucking in florida in Iran and all these different places, like we're doing what we can in our immediate circle and what we can handle on our bandwidth, but like we can't fix and solve everything because then we take on all that anxiety and pressure and um you know that's true, That's true. I think that counts as a boundary, right? What what you hold yourself responsible for because that is true. You can feel like really dumb like you're over here worried about some stupid little task at work and a deadline and like, you know, and then you see the little post for mutual aid and then you like send yourself down a spiral of doom scrolling.

But that didn't help anybody. It definitely didn't help you in the moment. Well, so what's the point of doing it? It's easier said than done because I do it all the time. But yeah, and I think that's very different from not caring at all, is what I'm trying to say, like there there are people who don't give a ship and they're like, oh well they deserved it. Like I have my opinions versus someone who's trying to fix and solve the world and they have no control over it. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a good way to frame a boundary. I'm with you. Yeah, I'm going to control the things I can control and it's okay to stop following a page or like mu a word if it's too much like I do that. And that's why I love about twitter. I wish the other ones had that features that you could mute a word so it won't show up. You know, there are some things that were like too much too much for me.

Like right now I, I looked up, I was looking at some of the Dahmer stuff and like whatever reading it. And then I got to a point where I was like, I can't handle this anymore. And I muted the word you muted dumber, good for you. Yeah. Because the points that were being made were like very valid and scary because people were saying that like the fact that white women and white people, but it's like a lot of white women mostly on Tiktok right now, like young white girls, like romanticizing him. But the fact that they get off on this trauma porn of mostly black people is like a modern day lynching because that's what, that's what their grandparents did. They took their kids like, let's go watch this guy get hung and like they marched together like it was a picnic. Like it was an outing. It was something to watch and they don't recognize it in the forefront, but you know, there's a little thing in their hypothalamus that's like, oh yeah, look at this person and it's not even look at this person suffering because it's not you don't even see that as a human.

Like that part is detached. So I had to meet, I had to meet that word after a while. I was like these are great points and thanks for the thinking but I'm done here. Yeah, there's too much for me. This is too much can't handle it. And I hate that a lot of people can't separate Hollywood from real life events that happened and it's still so fresh and a lot of two real people. Yeah. And it's like people are over here talking about the acting and the writing and how it was just such a great series and you know, I watched the whole thing um and I watch a lot of you know, No, I wouldn't say true crime, but a lot of just like very dramatic series and from someone who recognized racial issue and the LGBT issue from the get go, like that's hard.

That's something that you can't not focus on but everybody else like chose to ignore that. Like and you feel that in reality like police force, you know, all these exclusionary rules and like people are living in that. Yeah, that's fucked up. But what everybody else was focusing on was the Hollywood aspect. Like I even sent you the article about how there was a lot of disability. Um Yeah like that person didn't even mention. They're like wow look at this movie and the representation. Yeah. But like what was the movie about again? I mean the show like what was discussed, I want to get into that maybe like okay we can we can recognize and we can normalize disability representation in movies. But that was not that was not the focal point. You know like it's like I'm not going to congratulate the writer or the producer for representing us.

Like you everybody should be doing that period. Um but that wasn't the point. Yeah we're missing the point and the people out there like oh you can't get mad at these people for doing their jobs. Like yeah we're not mad at the sucking sound mixer dude. Like we're mad at the people that wrote it. The people that planned to dramatic size real traumatic events. Like it's not a documentary. Like yeah you didn't have to do a reenactment because I'm this is the funny thing is like I I realize now about this like true crime girly thing that's going around and I grew up like me and my family, we watched law and order. We watched fucking investigation discovery the channel like the cold case, all of that because the forensics and whatever the crime they get into that. Um but then I didn't realize how many people out there are just listening to people telling these stories in like really weird ways. Like this dormer way. Oh yeah. I didn't realize that it's freaking weird dude. And the perspectives that they're telling the story from two obviously is very problematic.

It's always about the killer. It's always in their perspective and like we always like remember their name right? But never victims never. That's weird and it's not even like oh this is science and forensics and like crime scene pictures. It's like yeah and then so and so brutally murdered. So so anyways this bit is sponsored by like what what are we doing here? This is a little weird. Yeah. Yeah. But with all that said, I'm glad you found a way to mute that word. Holy crap. You can't do that on instagram. Really? You can do hidden words so that people can't comment them. They could still message it to you. It just goes into hidden messages which is stupid because it's still there. You still get a notification for it. I don't understand. I guess it's just like preparing you that you might see something you might not want to see. I don't know. And so if somebody tries to comment using those hidden words like it will just get deleted into the Abyss right?

Like it never it will never exist. Cool. That's good to know. Yeah add that to my list. We have a lot of them on our on our account for the spammers? Oh my God dr foa foa helped me with his herbal supplement. Like all them words are banned. How do we add that to our facebook page to to all these men getting into our D. And saying, hey, I can't believe that is still happening. It's happening all the time. I can't, I believe that's still happening literally just a dude like, hey I'm looking for a wife, a disabled wife, anybody. I'll shower, you could be my queen. What the funk. First of all you paying attention to this page, You just look type disabled and send a mass message. What are you who told you this was a dating service for fucking What's the word even told us forever ago devotees? Oh God, very strange vibes.

You know what? We should start doing that. We should start sending our cash up. Just reply. Yeah man sure thing. Buy me dinner tonight. Let's talk. Oh no why not? So we'll see if see if they're about it. Are you real? Are you real like, no, send me your direct deposit information. Social Security. So I know what's real. So make a copy of your credit report. Let's go ah That ship is fucking weird. But yeah. So what do you actually do besides my example of muting words or closing things. What do you actually do when you're tired of hearing about the world's dumpster fires. Yeah. What are your uh I mean and it's not that I'm tired of hearing about the world, some sort of fires that yeah, I can be overwhelming and yeah, that that is a very big way for me to like, I like to keep stay up to date on news. Especially like international news recently because of the imports that I'm doing like this is crazy sh it happening all over the place.

You know, there's still like a big war, potentially a freaking nuclear war. Apparently that's um About to happen. You know like this these are kind of things that we should be paying attention to but on a daily basis. 24 7. Like I've like it's been so normal for me to just put my phone down and focus on all the ship that I need to do like in my life for my dogs from my house for you know, I couldn't do that years ago. I don't know why. I don't know if it was because of like how much social media had this like power over me. Um but you know how you can kind of control the algorithm. My algorithm right now is all plants and ship plants, which is great because I can get like real world news from real articles and real videos. Yeah, that's the difference too.

I think that's the difference for me is like my personal instagram. I started taking off a lot of things and trying to separate things? Like moving Marcy's moved my personal instagram. It's food fun. If I want to read the news, I'm going to go to the news and not the dramatic sized version that somebody shares. Right? Yeah. And all these like fake articles just takes that don't even make sense. Like yeah, social media can hype something up in a minute and it reaches the whole country, you know, and it's completely wrong. Oh my gosh, you're so right. You know, she just reminded me of somebody showed me something where it was like, oh and I forgot what state they're like, oh the senators making the purge legal look at this And it's a popular page. It's like the shade room or like a big page like that, like a black run like millions of followers or whatever the number is tons of engagement sharing it and saying that it's the purge.

And I go and I'm like, first of all, what the fuck? So then I go and I googled it and I found like a real news article and it was like a senator or whatever person of power was making a rule to end the like cash bail bond system. What the hell? How does that Mean? How does that translate until you can do whatever you want for 24 hours and you won't get any penalties and it's like, okay, you guys are the blacks that this affects, okay. How are you getting the story wrong like you are, you are, you are the very people that are getting arrested more and set up in these cash bond systems which if you don't know about, it's a scam. Like you could literally be in debt trying to get a bail bond and all that. Like this is your community being affected by it and somehow you ran with the purges happening. Um Hello. So yeah, I think you're right definitely is like curating the algorithm or even just designate like my instagram is my fun place and there's still some serious things that might be on there.

But it's the level that I can tolerate. Yeah. Like twitter is like, I have to know when I cannot open twitter, twitter is a lot at once and it's fast like that's fast news, a lot of its celebrity and you know that's fine because everybody has like a platform, not just rich, everybody's on. Yeah. Um, but I'm recognized thing too. Like I know you posted something about how like Tiktok is providing that real platform for everyone and like you get a lot more followers views as compared to instagram who has that algorithm but also like because of that power that Tiktokers have, they can create this like hype this fake realism, eat it to their war to the world and their followers or just like it'll just get popular somehow. Yeah. You just be a regular person in your car with a hot take and everywhere.

And there's this cycle of like, oh, I saw this one tech talk. So it must be true. And oh my God, that's what I can't get out of. Yeah. Hmm. I'm with you like, yeah. Tiktok is dangerous. Tiktok is very dangerous. Very dangerous in the same room as twitter, but just like somehow just different. I don't know how to explain it. But yeah, So when I use my Tiktok, I do not explore. I do not venture. I do not, I don't click on hashtags, I don't click on for you page. You don't explore, nope. I do not. I go to the people that I follow that I know are safe. And I look at their page. That is It. I follow like 60 people like that's it. Dude, I don't funk around on that platform because it gets weird fast. Yeah. Yeah. And it's real international, right? Like not banned in a million different countries. The way that instagram and facebook is.

Yeah. And the way that their algorithm is so niche and so specific. So like you might not even be thinking about like you might open your phone now and get something about bomber that was from two months ago. Mm hmm. Yeah. So it's not even like a timing thing. Like, oh, that post passed. It's over now. Like, like they, they're algorithms like you're interested in this. We'll find you some, yeah, It could be from two years ago. Yeah. I kind of like that, you know, I like the algorithm. It's great. The content that's being put out there is dangerous. It's a lot. Yeah. It's like the new Wikipedia. Yes. That's what it is. It's like everybody can contribute, but it's not necessarily all true. That's what it is. For me, the part that is so this isn't like, this is still dumpster fire category to me. But this is more like cultural ship, not like flooding in the climate change and like people dying and starving.

It's more like culture vultures, appropriation. And that's where it gets dangerous for me. Because once I start seeing that I just get like, I have a visceral reaction. Like I'm literally like sitting in a room by myself piste off and like that's not healthy. So once I see the fucking white girl making skin boosting tacos and like spa water, skin boosting tacos. Did you just say tacos? It's literally an authentic mexican taco. How they make it? They don't make it with cheese and sauce on it. Why is it skin boosting? Because like that was her idea. She thought of it. Why not just make tacos with meat and vegetables, healthy vegetables. You mean the way tacos are meant to be made like the way that they're talking about spa water, the new spa water on Tiktok, but it's actually just like that. It Gets me. It gets my lights flickered again. We're good. Okay, we're good. Yeah, it gets me. So it gets me to 0 to 100 really quick. So that is the boundary that I set for myself.

I don't explore on Tiktok. Yeah. Which by the way, we're in the middle. You in florida are in the middle of a storm right now. By the way, I took a break after IAN, but I guess I should have kept watching because some ship is happening right now. Like, I don't know, Thunder and lightning and your lights flickering. My lights are flickering. I am in uh, middle of a storm. Yes, Whatever. God, it is what it is. So, yeah, social media can definitely be a great. But here's the thing though. On the flip side, social media is like self care for me because I'm like, I might not have five people in the room with me to be like, yeah, that was fucked up. Or like, yeah, I'd love that show too. Right? You have an audience on the flip side. Right? I could go to, I could send somebody a meme and we could just react to laugh, not even say words, but it feels good. You're just giggling on. Yeah. It's interesting.

Yeah. No, for sure. It's not all bad. You just need to know when you need to present that boundary for yourself. So, what else are you doing for like self care? Um, yeah, reading a book. I've been trying to uh I realize my issue is like naming the feeling that I'm having and like realizing what is going on? Like, so when I have a visceral reaction to something like alright, what do I feel? Where do I feel it? My like hyped up? Does my chest feel tight and my breathing fast? Like that's like the first step and then after that it's like, okay, well this is a moment where maybe taking a walk will help. Okay, well this is a moment where coloring and my coloring book will help or this is a moment where you know, lifting weights will help. I'm not that great at it, but at least I'm like sort of figuring it out feeling and every time Yeah, you Don't always like consult with one like solution.

Yeah. And that's like the benefit of the therapy is creating tools like Alright, so like my tools, I can read a book, I can write in a journal, I could take a walk, I can breathe, just work on breathing if I don't want to move, I can lift weights, I could color, I can paint right? So like I have my list of things. So once I have a feeling it's like okay, what am I feeling that I do the things and then maybe after that I'll be like, alright, why was I feeling that way? What was the reason? What bothered me? Mhm. It's a whole process. Always forever. that's super healthy. Can I just say and to go through those steps to when you're going to feel yourself implode or explode. Yeah, it's not easy to like stop that in its tracks. Um But it takes practice, just like anything else, the same way, learning how to squat, it takes steps and techniques and you work your way up and it's progressive overload like same concepts.

Yeah, and I feel like I'm I'm getting to the age, I'm getting to the age where like, I don't want to stress out anymore, like I don't I don't want to take on other people's problems like in my own circle, you know, I'm talking best friend, I'm talking um family members, like my own parents, like I'm going to again do what I can in the moment but remove myself and not let it like um consume my life um which was hard before or like stressing out for them or like feeling all those feelings because I'm a very emotional person right now. Like I watched, I finished the freaking finale of pose on hulu and I'm just balling with, I'm a very emotional person, so not taking on those emotions and yet like stepping away and it's hard, that's real like I do the same thing, I'm like, oh I should cook right now so that we can actually have a dinner or like the dogs are essentially my savior because they have their own quiet needs and after like Rolling through eight hours, 10 hours of like intense work or whatever?

They're like, let's go for a walk, great. I need to walk to, let's go out into the nature. Let's feed ourselves, you know, because they're on a routine. Like it forces me to recognize like we need to like step away. Yeah, that's good because that bare minimum, even if you don't do the steps, you still have to make sure that I eat today. Did I drink water? Because I know the dogs need to eat and eat and drink water and all that stuff. Like in turn, I'm doing that for myself. Yeah, that's what people say. Say about the plants and the plant craze. Like it's not just a trend or fad because there's some people like pets aren't really going to happen or you know, not pets are not for everybody, but plants could give you that same like, alright, well if I don't do anything today, at least I get up and water my plants. That's so true. But I'd rather, you know, like I've got plants too, but it's so easy to forget them depending on, you know, I'd rather my plant die than my dog.

Well, yeah, I would hope. I would hope so before peanut comes for you. But yeah. You know? Yeah, No, I feel that same thing because it's a living breathing thing that needs, Yeah, son and watered. So what, what do you do if it's a moment where like you were gonna go lift and you are feeling overwhelmed or whatever big feelings, you're feeling big feelings but you're supposed to be training, what do you do in that moment? Um it's a scheduled training and like I'm feeling those big feelings or I'm like super overwhelmed. I just, there are days where I just choose not to like it's hard to find that balance because there can be months like probably even half a year where I just don't train and that was unlike me for you know, seven years and being okay with that Because I'm replacing it with a walk, a longer walk even if it's not 15, it's like 45 minutes.

I try like I gotta be okay with that. But now I'm at the opposite end where it's like okay, I need to get back to training. Like I just set up my our garage gym yesterday. You have like the yearning. Yeah, because it has been months, you know like that walk is not going to be enough to um burn off all the calories that I'm overeating like and I'm not going to stop eating like the amount that I'm eating and it has been a lot. I'm just going to replace it with, I think more heavy duty like trading. You know, who knows if that'll continue it ebbs and flows. I get you there because there are times where I am just not able to get it done. Yeah. And maybe I'll just like do some body weight, random shit on the floor and then call it a day where there are sometimes where I make the mistake. I'm like, all right, well maybe I'll just squat and then it's just a mess.

Like my body is a mess and I'm like, all right, well, that wasn't a good idea. Maybe I won't do this anymore. It had been a flow. But then there are some days where I'm like, I don't feel motivated. I just need to do something and then it goes great. It's and you're talking like three different scenarios. One where you just don't feel it at all. So you choose not to do it and or you choose to do something lighter and you know, you're still moving. And then the other scenario is when you're in the middle of it, you get set up, you put on your weightlifting shoes, you've got the bar on your back like and you're doing everything that you can do in the moment and then you stop that. Those are two different scenarios. Yeah, that's such a different scenario. So maybe I am like feeling very scattered very like off centered, especially if it's a day where I have like a lot of unexpected things in a day or schedule change or you know like my doctor appointment got canceled and I'm arguing with this person and also tomorrow everything's closed because it's a hurricane.

I'm just kind of like by the way, the king hurricane and I'm just kind of spinning and lost. And that is a part of my brain that I have to deal with now with this illness, I've always been a regimented person, right? But this just, this just makes things bigger. So I might be like, well, all right, I'm gonna stick to the plan. I'm just gonna squat anyway. Here we go. But like that's the energy like, okay, I'm just gonna squat. You know, you're scattered, You're not grounded, you're not really present. You're not paying attention to your body. Like on the outside, you could pick up the way you can load the weight, but on the inside you're just an amoeba hot mess of emotions. You can't really connect. I think I might just do the squat and literally unload the thing and just walk out. Never mind. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, there's still applause for that because it was on your calendar was on that schedule and you thought that it was going, going to work and you still tried it.

But I, I feel like two, there's probably only one time out of 200 times that I've done that. Um where it actually was successful. You know, where I actually had a good squat day, a good dream and like the way that I saw it too was like I had, I had accountability for showing up because I had a training partner and we had a schedule going like every week, you know, it's like I got to show up or else I'm constantly like, like failing my friend or not being there for her, you know? But if I show up, I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm just going to stretch today and get on the bike and you know, this will be my day. Sometimes we just have seasons. Right, okay. That's what it is. And it's great to have people around you that understand that, you know? Yeah. Take it personally or assume that everyone's in their own dumpster fire. Yeah. Or think that they know what you need.

Like don't be a puss either. You can do this. Let's just squat today. Let's just do the bench. Let's just, you'll feel better after slamming weights like, Yeah, no thanks. And I love being a pussy. Amazing organs and structures. I aspire have that level of strength and flexibility. But also, I think even though you said there's over 200 times and only one time it worked out is that that now the next time you feel that way, you know your chances now you're like, all right. If I feel that way I know what to do now, you won't know until you figure it out. Nobody can tell you, nobody can tell you like, all right, this is the body feel this is the mental thought that means you shouldn't work out. Nobody can tell you. And which is which is fine. Like I'm learning to be okay with that because I do have X. Y. And Z. Other things that I need to do anyway.

So it's like if I'm not training, I'm still doing something productive or a nap is a lot more productive to me nowadays than it was before. You know, like rest and recovery is productive. Your body is getting it done, yep. Yeah. I don't know. We have way less time in our in this world. Yeah. I think um a big part of it too. Especially so like before I got sick is very much just hustle culture vibes, whatever. This way life is work, work work, right? Yeah. You have like three jobs and side hustles. But then once you get sick then there's like the stress and the medical traumas and the am I dying? Am I not dying? Right? Like the heightened level of stress. Um And then even if that goes away, that's what you get used to. So there's also some weird part of that where like you have to learn how to be okay with not being stressed and not creating stress.

So like there's also a part of that. So maybe you lived at home and everybody's stressing the funk out. It was kind of toxic, whatever you move away and it's peaceful. But you still find stress because your doom scrolling on your phone, right? Or you still find stress because you overbook yourself. You still find stress because like your workout is way too complicated and not realizing that you did that to yourself because you're like, I'm used to the hustle and bustle. Like this is my life. Like no, slow down. I had to learn how to slow down. Yeah. Do you feel like you've come to that place where you are not overbooking yourself? Yeah. Yeah. To the place where you wake up and you don't think about, I mean obviously think about these are things I have to do today, but you also think these are the things I'm going to do for myself today. This is when I'm going to take a break today. And I think that's what's helpful to for those people that including myself that tend to over schedule. And I used to, especially socially, um, it's like that ship don't matter anymore.

But You like scheduling in those like self care actions. Like might help for someone like that. Like I rely 200% on my Google calendar. So I have little things where it's like, okay, you got to take out trash today. That's just so I don't forget and the garbage man doesn't hate me. Um, I schedule like random things in my personal life, you know, But actually scheduling self care might be good for those moments literally literally sit like, okay, well this is what I'm going to take a lunch break and I'm not going to work, my lunch break means no devices or no laptop or you know, separate from my desk. Like it's just like that level of intention required is how you learn to slow down. Yeah, I've had, I've been seeing this a lot more to, I've had people because I work with, I work with a wine warehouse who manages all over inventory and they do all of our shipment and transportation like through California.

I I have like a few reps that I work with and talk to every single day. They schedule their lunch breaks. I mean not on like at the same time every single day, but they have out of office response every time they're out and you can tell it's like a 30 minute trunk 40. Okay. It's 60 minutes today. That's long. Um but I, we get that response back and I always think of it like, huh, okay, whatever. She'll get back to me later, but that's so necessary and it's not normalized right? Like do not bother me. Do not call my phone if I don't respond to the email, but I'm going to take it at a time where it's not urgent. Yeah, because just taking the lunch work wasn't enough. People would be like, did you get the email I sent you and ship. Yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. There's still a phone number on there for the rep and same with me like As a sales manager they're going to like need things from me um 24 hours of the day.

But I like I've already I set that boundary from the minute I got hired like I'm not going to respond on the weekends or after two MI 6 p. M. Um But that lunch break, lunch break we forget to take and communicate like dude I can't be at your service all the time. Yeah and stresses stress. Like your body doesn't know the difference between going for a run versus stressing to eat your lunch while you're like typing some last minute ship right? Like the heart rate increasing and your fucking breath going up is the same to your body. Your body doesn't say well this one's healthy and this one is not like stress so sometimes you get to the end of the day and you're exhausted and you're like I didn't move all day. Yeah so it's even worse when you're disabled because the energy of every day is already higher. Like the demands are more expensive already.

So you really might not physically do anything taxing but you have to plan your day. I mean for you it's like doing whatever you need to do with your one hand right For me it's like alright this is hot and I have to do this or I have to get this done my doctor's appointment. Is that whatever blah blah blah. But at the end of the day, day to day just being disabled, cost more energy. So if you don't give yourself those mental breaks like you're gonna crash and burn. Yeah and it's always just it's always just so much more for you that I'm constantly thinking about. It's like when the weather changes when like everything around you changes, there's more pollen in the air, there's more, what was it like, aluminum or steel, nickel, nickel, nickel in your house, you know like these are real things. Yeah, these are real stupid ship. I'm not I'm not saying that me as a limb difference person like I'm not going through it. I'm just saying like I've had 30 years to adapt the world with one hand like okay they're inconvenient things in life and studies show that even like left handed people live shorter lives so do limb different people right?

Because you're like navigating the world in enable body like whatever it takes. Yeah, it takes a lot longer. Um But it's nice to also have a support system where it's like can you open this joint? I can't I have freaking can't you know, but you know, it's a shorter adjustment period for me for sure. Yeah And I you know, I went from totally fine to not totally fine, but even when people with people that just have like changing disabilities, I'm sure it's hard because maybe they had something when they were five, but now that they're 22 things have changed. Like that adjustment is some bullshit. For sure. Oh yeah. And then not worrying about the judgment. Um, the judgment coming from the world about you being a different person. You know, the people, the people that stressed me out the most nowadays even though like I'm a lot more confident with my body and my looks and my single handedness um um out in the world our Children because they're going to tell you, um like what they see with no filter.

Right? And like one day I can have this loving interaction with a seven year old and the next day they're like, no, get away from me. Like get that little hand away, You know? And it's funny to me. But it's also like, oh, I forgot I have to I have to remember and remind myself how I look to other people. And I'm going to teach that kid, You know? Like how to love people who look like me. But it's still like, oh ship that took me aback. It still happens. But I I know that they come from a place of love. Just like misunderstanding, You know? Yeah. Yeah. That societal like, yeah. For me it's not Children. It's elders. Mm Does that say you're too young? Yeah. Oh, you're too young to be sick. When are you having kids? Are you going to have kids? Oh yeah. How's your husband? Are you having Children?

That's it. Mm hmm. Um And then like if, if for some reason I somehow decided to actually talk about my illness. Nobody understands anything. And it's still a very black and white like, oh, but you're feeling better. Oh, but there's something you can do. Like, it's like a black and white thing. Like, no, this isn't like cancer and wow, cancer sucks. But you know, you have a process for it and you outcome you beat it or you don't like, no, there's nothing here. Just is this could get worse. It could get better. I have no idea. I think a lot of people I'm starting to realize still have an issue understanding the difference between chronic illness and terminal illness there. I mean there can be intertwined because, you know, people can have both at the same time. But um, people just don't know how to feel, Oh, I'm going to be sad because you're like, you have, you have like a time limit on your life, You know?

Um versus you have to make sure you don't get to that point by taking care of your body. Yeah. And their picture of chronic illness is a picture of the saddest part of terminal illness because even terminal illness is obviously the saddest funk and I'm sure it's hard. Um But I know people who are out there that are like, yeah, dude, like I'm still a person today. Like I might die in a couple of months. But like I'm still going to live like even that, they don't understand like they expect somebody to be like sitting in a room and crying so they expect that same thing for a chronic illness. Oh, but you're lifting weights and there's always a reason. There has to be a reason why. Oh are you sick because you lifted weights? I'm like, no, dude, it's just genetic. Oh is it because of the exercise? You did bitch. I have a degree. I know how to do this. It's genetic. I inherited these problems. I'm laughing but you know, it's not funny. No, you have to explain yourself. You shouldn't have to explain yourself every time for feeling what you feel.

And do you have to carry around physicians paperwork? I need like a brochure handout. I'm going to be honest. I don't have any real self care or boundary or whatever. I just avoid it. I mean the pandemic has made it easier because I'm not gonna go to their parties anyway. Um but like I just avoid it. I'm not calling anybody because I'm like anxious that they're gonna ask me these questions and I have to go through it again. Like just avoid it. I have no and that's nothing for that situation. I was going to ask you that too is like, do you avoid older people that, but um or those specific people that have been triggering for you, you know, for the most part, I mean nobody calls me anyway, But it's also a cultural thing where um, like, like I'm the younger person, I should be calling them. Like that's my culture anyway. So they would call me number one upset that I didn't call them.

So there's that level of funk. I gotta deal with this. And then once they, oh, how are you? Okay? Do I want to be honest or not honest? Cause if I'm honest then, so I just avoid it. Yeah. I don't check in with anybody. Those are the moments where I'm okay with like whoever invented small talk. It's like, oh yeah, there's a storm outside and might be sunny tomorrow cloudy the next day. Like that's all just like keep it at a surface level with these people and I'm fine with that. I don't need to have that bond with that anymore. Like I'm going to respect her still because culturally we should, like, I'm still going to be nice, but once you put me down or whatever a gaslight me, that's a whole nother ball game, right? Yeah, that's different. I can understand where you're coming from and why you're acting the way that way, But I don't have to take it. Yeah. But um, I hate small talk. So that so far doesn't work out for me. I just avoid it completely and call, I don't, yeah.

Yeah. I'm glad aunties don't call me since I'm the baby of all the cousins do not please. Yeah, I can't handle it anyway. I'm still a baby. Nobody called even with this, even when hurricanes happen and whatever. Like people text me, hey, you good or maybe an honor to, well, hey, you good. But um, that people don't come out the woodworks to call because I should be called. I am the younger person. I should be calling the elder even when you're in the middle of a hurricane. Yeah, No, I get that. Like culturally I understand, but it's a different time now too. So yeah, I'll avoid it. And if I'm like literally about to be ready to work out or you know, I'm like, this is the moment I'm resting or this is what I'm about to cook. And I see that call, I'm like extra nope. Yeah. Yeah. And it's funny because we talk about boundaries and mental health, you know, was like, this need this um super popular thing during the pandemic and all of a sudden people have forgotten about it.

You know, that I'm pretty sure you posted it too. But I've been seeing it where they're like, sorry, I didn't text you back today, but I didn't eat in case that makes you feel better. Like that is fucking reel. Like that is the boundary that people also don't understand. Like you are not going to be my priority every single day. No matter how important you are to me. Like I will always be my friend and that's so hard for people to not understand still I think I agree. I think um people know that you're on your phone so you should be accessible. But I mean no Or like any break that you have like Oh you're free for 30 minutes. Why didn't you respond? I saw your on Instagram for 10 seconds. Why didn't you respond to my text or call me back? Because I know it's going to Be a 24 hour long conversations that I didn't have the bandwidth for it.

That's it. No explanation needed. Um But a lot of people are dealing with their own like the part of not taking it personal right to their own dumpster fire. A lot of people have to deal with their own insecurity. Like why do you care that this person didn't answer you right away? Like why do you feel so abandoned or left behind? Like why are you why are you taking it personally? Like the other person has to deal with that. Um It's not our job. Like we could set the boundary. I'm not, I might not always answer you. That's it. They have to deal with the rest, not us. Like why do you feel some type of way? It's a text? Is this an emergency situation? But there are people Like that. Um I mean most of the people that I talk to are pretty much on the same wavelength as me. Like if we're not in the mood, we're not gonna text might rapid fire fucking text for like 20 minutes and it's like I'm almost gone. Thank you. I'll talk to you in two weeks. Like, like it is what it is. But there are some people that I text that they're like, oh, I guess you're busy.

All right, well I'll leave you alone then, what are you doing? If it was that serious then you should have called me. But then it also becomes the boy who cried wolf, where they make it seem like it's serious every single time. And then you start realizing none of that sh it was so once I start ignoring it, they're like, what happened? Yeah. You know? Yeah. The thing about humans is that, you know, we change over time but us changing is not the same as the people around this changing and sometimes they can't deal with or sometimes they revert back to like pre therapy days. I'm sorry to realize what happened to that toolbox. It's gone. Yeah. Anyway, so yeah, that did not end up being quick. But you know what? Whatever? No, but it's and I I don't want to like be repetitive on our self care episodes, but this is an ongoing like thing for us, you know, reminding ourselves that we are our priority, reminding ourselves that we got to eat.

We got to take those breaks and take breaks from taking breaks from like, weightlifting is a normal thing that disabled girls who lift do sh it happens, and you know, you don't have to over explain, oh well I couldn't lift because I have this and this is what I like, whatever surround yourself with people that don't require an explanation, because even if they think you're not showing up at the end of the day, we're always showing up for ourselves. So that might not mean walking into the gym, That might mean taking a walk, walking your dog, drinking water and making sure you eat good food and somebody else might think you didn't show up, right? Like you didn't commit, you're not consistent, but but it's like I did laundry today, I like, you know, the house that was a mess for you have to plan my budget. I had I'm proud appointments, like you show at the end of the day, the only person that matters is you and how you showed up for you, not what anybody else thinks.

So if you're surrounded by people that you feel you have to explain it to maybe work on that or cut it off. Yeah, maybe. I mean because it could be coming from yourself, it might not be them, but so I'm just gonna say, I see that, you know, people do that. Yeah, No, it's it's it's 100 true. This is hard out here. The world is already against us. We can't be against ourselves too. Yeah. And it's all going to show up in different ways, right? Our anxiety is going to show up each day, or our happiness or sadness or our self care, like, it's not going to be the same all the time. We all have our seasons and things changed, and I see things even when I was competing and I was consistent, even the seasons of that, like, parts of the powerlifting that weren't healthy for me, that I was, you know, like, feeding into unhealthy things, or the parts that were healthy for me, like, oh, well, this made sense, and I was actually having fun and not hurting myself, you know?

But to somebody else, they might think me now, like, I haven't dead lifted all year. I just started squatting again, like in the summer. So to somebody, and to me, I feel like physically I'm doing the best, I've done the whole time. So somebody might look at the way I'm lifting now and be like, damn, she fell off. And compared to power lifting when I was working out four days a week to our workouts pr is blah, blah, blah, right? But to me, like, that level of quote unquote consistency, like, I wasn't eating, I wasn't resting, I wasn't hydrated, I wasn't like, nourished mentally. Like, I was not, it was not healthy. I was not doing the thing. Yeah. And people didn't know or see that. Exactly. See the grunt work competition and power lifting and strong men. They don't see you like passing out and blacking out in the middle of the day, like Yeah, they don't see the crash and the burn, but I was like, it was one of my memories popped up so I really got my feelings about it like damn, like I was really just trying to pretend that nothing was wrong with me and that I could just keep push, push, push, push, push, push.

Yeah. And what year was your big sick? Big sick was like, I mean, honestly speaking, it started in like 2015 And 2016, 2017 was when I was like doing nationals and like all I want is £1000 total and like and all of my focus was really on that and at the time every other doctor thought I was dying. Um So I was really just trying to I was really ignoring it. I was really clinging onto the idea that some doctor was going to figure it out. I was gonna get cured and I'm gonna get my £1000 total. Just keep it moving. Like I told somebody about it now it's their problem. Now there there's nothing that I need to change. Nothing that I needed to examine or modify God keep going, keep going until my body was like, nah bitch, we're not going yeah, that's like literally slap in the face, like freeze frame, You're wondering how we got here.

Like those are the moments where literally my body was failing Yeah, so somebody might think that was a consistent, I fell off, like, no man, I'm solid now, that's great, that's the kind of growth that we strive for here at disabled girls who live, it does not matter how much we're totally right now, no body is feeling, my body is still doing great things and that does not happen to be dead lifting this year. Yeah, like I haven't touched my sandbags, I haven't touched my log, but you know, I'm learning how to olympic lift, I have tons of like, technique improvements, like I'm proud of this ship, like, I'm still doing it over the head too, which is like, mind blowing to me. Yeah, like I fear for my life every time I did that I know me too, but I'm getting through it, you know, we understand, we recognize now as like, I think, I don't want to stay retired as like veteran, I would say as a casual power lifter, but veteran, because it has been like a decade, you know, more that like, consistency doesn't always mean like successful, you know?

Yeah, consistency doesn't mean force yourself to do what was on the paper, Yeah, consistency just means showing up for yourself that day, that hour, that moment, whatever it means, and if you don't know what it means, this was trying to figure that sh it out, yep, and That are like showing up 100% is going to be a different level each day. Once you're 100% today, like for y'all? Like what, how many spoons you have when you Yeah, great analogy. And I Think the resources to I mean I'm always talking about therapy therapy, but it's not just therapy, like there are people that do peer support, like Kat Lopez. You know, you could pay sliding scale if you just need somebody to talk to figure some shit out right there are books out there. Like I'm reading a book, I think it cost $13, set boundaries find peace. I don't, you know, I could learn a lot just from being intentional is reading a book on my own, but I still have to do it.

Yeah, so it doesn't have to be shipped. I can't afford a therapist. There's nothing for me to do like No dude, there's Youtube, there's the internet, there's lots of free, there's lots of low cost. It is amazing how accessible a lot of this self help stuff is though. And if you can't afford, you know $15 book, you can check some of those things out at a library. They have the libraries now where you don't have to leave your house, just like download it from an app, get your own library card and then rent it for a few weeks. Yeah. You know, but you brought up kat Lopez like, y'all really need to listen to that episode when she was on with us was it was like 60 not that long ago. It was a small scroll back you'll find. Yeah, but long ago, but just her navigation on on life and healing and um trauma and boundaries was just it's so eye opening, you know? Yeah.

Henry and grief can come in in all forms. We realized we got to go back to that one. Um This was nice. Mm hmm Yeah, there you go. This is your other resource, right? This is free. Unless you have money, give it to us. You if you have money is not free for you, Okay, pay us. But um yeah, this is another resource, right? Finding podcast of people that are talking about the ship you need to work through or shit. You need to think about, this is free. So thanks for choosing us as a resource. It's free and real, you know, we cut the bullshit at the door like we're not all and that's the thing too about our social media platforms. It's not all like disingenuous in. I've got a £300 squat every single day that I train like the best life, like, nah, like we're showing you the nitty gritty real struggles you more so because you post a lot more than I do.

And um God yeah, heard felt seen. Mhm Yeah, that's it. All right. So there you go. Thanks for allowing us to be your free and or affordable low cost resource for your self care. Listening to podcasts can be self care, 60 minutes a month. Donating to your local podcast services. Also self care. All right. I'm gonna stop that. But yeah, if you have many things that be great. Uh Yeah, I think that's it. Is that all okay? Yeah, disabled girls out. Thanks for listening to disabled girls who left. We appreciate all of your support and everyone who's taken the time to show us some love. Don't forget to subscribe rate or ready review of our channel. We're on Apple podcasts, Spotify player, FM, google podcasts and more. You can also find us on instagram at disabled girls who left.

E66: Self-Care Without Breaking the Bank
E66: Self-Care Without Breaking the Bank
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