this is Episode 105 Contentment & Wanting More. You're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids, we have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise up and Shine podcast. Welcome everyone. We are happy and excited that you're here again with us and tuning into today's episode and today going with the holidays, we are going to be talking about contentment now we know we are through thanksgiving and but it's still a season of gratitude and it still is important to give thanks especially around the holidays and we want to talk about contentment today. And we also Claudia actually wants to start us off with a nice definition because I have my own personal death.

Yeah, let's define contentment is interesting because sunday at church, our pastor read a scripture contentment and it was like, can you be content and still want more. And so that's what we're going to talk about because we can read scriptures that say Godliness with contentment is great, great, great gain. But if we have food and clothing will be content with that. But then what happens to all our goals. We talk here a lot about having goals and moving forward and achieving things. So we thought this would be a great topic to talk about the um issue of being content but still wanting more and doing more so to define contentment is feeling satisfied with one's possessions status or situation And another one says pleased and satisfied not needing more. And I know you have your own definition Ashley, What's the Ashley definition of contentment? Well, when I think of contentment, I think of it as being at peace with what is whether that's a circumstance, whether that's what you currently have possessions, whatever it may be, even kind of a state of mind.

I think it really is a state of mind of being at peace because we do. It's not necessarily not wanting more. We are allowed to want more. And that's something that's really important. It's okay to dream and wish for things. It's just what are we wishing for Exactly. You know, and even what is the root reason why we're wanting things and why we are desiring certain things and it could be different for everybody. Could be circumstances, it can be tangible things. My brother is a car salesman and he's always posting all these beautiful corvette one day one day, maybe probably not. But I can dream right? But you know that's just something fun. I'm not like I need this to fulfill me or write this in my life. So I look good and I gain approval or validation from others, which was our last episode, but it's also circumstances, I know there's been several times where just even in life, but especially as a wife and a mom, it brought some harder times around tougher situations and so being content through hard, challenging situations and you have experienced that you'll share too.

We can obviously want to wish ourselves out of our circumstances for sure. Yeah, absolutely finances. That's another one. Yeah, Yeah, there's a lot, there's a lot of areas that we want more. I mean some of the common ones are I want a bigger house. I remember when we had three Children and lived in a two bedroom, we definitely wanted a bigger house. We were certainly content with the two bedroom apartment we had, but we were aiming for something more which would meet the needs of our growing family. Another one I remember when my kids were younger, I thought well when my kids are grown then my life will start really? That's very false thinking. But I remember thinking that thinking when they're all adults, then my life will start. Like somehow it was all about them for quite a time and a lot of women think that they pushed their needs so far to the side. So you think, well I'm content of course I love my kids and I love my family, but I want more, I want more time. I want more for me more money.

I mean most of us want more money. Very few of us are like, yeah, I'm good. I mean it's funny, we are actually debt free right now which is an amazing feeling and it was quite a journey to get here but we are minus a mortgage manageable mortgage. But I keep getting all these calls now from these tax people that want to help me pay my tax bill and like I don't have a tax bill already paid my taxes but I don't know why you guys are calling me. But anyway, but there are so many people out there that you know money is something we want more of. But yeah, there are many areas that we want more in or want to achieve and grow and a couple of things that contentment is not contentment doesn't mean settling and that's where you can, you can get confusing were like, well I'm content. I don't need any more. I don't want anymore. I'm just going to settle. I don't think God calls us to settle. In fact, I think of the parable of the talents and whatever towns and gifts he's given us, he loves to see us grow them and use them to benefit others. So it's definitely not settling and it's not a lack of ambition and I think about the other scripture, whatever you do do it for the glory of God dude, as though you're doing it for God.

That's not you need ambition to do that as you and I are both growing our businesses um were content with where we're at today, but we want more, we want to do more. We want to grow more. We want to give more. There's more. So that's where time out today contentment and more can they coexist? And obviously we believe they can and it comes down to even wants versus needs a lot of the motivation. And like I said earlier, the root of the underlying reason why we want these things. What is the purpose for that? Right? What, what what is the root of why you want more money or even more time? More time so we can fill up our schedule even more apparent. Probably right. But what happens when we fall into this when than reality? So when I get this job than blank or when I come into this nice chunk of money or get a raise, whatever it may be than blank. When my husband just listens, helps fill in the blank.

Another one that's coming for me is when my kids will just behave and do as I ask the first time, then I'll be happy or then I'll be comfortable and for me, I've noticed in some of the more personal ones that I experience is I want to be comfortable. I want to be comfortable. I don't want there to be negativity in the household. A lot of mine tend to be more circumstantial. Uh not necessarily tangible things. I think more tangible things means more managing and I want less on my plate. I love less stuff. I don't want more that I have to manage. But I do want my circumstances to be comfortable and to feel, you know, happy. And that's another thing. I used to expect happiness all the time even from my husband and my Children and myself. But what happens is, but why? Right? You have to dig? Why did I want those things? Why did I desire those things? And it was because I want to feel good and comfortable because I was really attaching my well being and my emotions to others.

And if they're happy, then I'm happy and it doesn't have to be that way. No, it doesn't. And you know, like you were saying about our circumstances, we think when our circumstances change, then we can be happy, then we can be peaceful, then we can be productive. You fill in the blank whatever it is you're looking for more of. We attach it to our circumstance. And as you and I both teach and share often our feelings are not attached to our circumstance. The circumstance is not the problem. It's our thoughts about the circumstances and we learned that it was like, mind, yes, life changing. Life changing. Like we, it's my thought. So it wasn't, it's more empowering because hey, I don't have to wait for my circumstances to change for me to feel a certain way or to think of myself as a certain way and I could do it now things don't have to change for me to experience what I want to experience. Exactly. That's what went into coaching. Yes. And their women need to hear this mess. Absolutely. And that's why we're doing this topic today because it really is being content in our circumstance.

I think of paul in Philippians, he said I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance. I know what it is to be in need, I know what it is to have plenty. And I've learned the secret of being content in any and every situation and I believe he understood that it was his thoughts, not his circumstance that determined his emotions and how he felt. So he could feel content. He could feel at peace no matter what need in plenty. And that's kind of what we're talking about two with wanting more. Like our circumstances were content with our circumstances. We can still take actions to want more and we can still feel, have great thoughts, feel great things and have great thoughts about our circumstance current. We can be content there, but still want more and feel that motivation to achieve more, to grow more, to earn more, to have more friends, to have a stronger marriage, to have a healthy bank account. I mean for us, we strongly desired to be out of debt. That was a big load off our shoulders, set a load on our shoulders.

Where was that load are back, It was everywhere, everywhere anywhere and everywhere it was a big heavy load so that was a goal and we really wanted to get to that point and um I don't think anyone would want us to be content with debt though. So probably not a great example. Well content as in you know this is as it is right my definition yes, he's with what is but still be motivated to let you know working on it, let's keep paying off our debt. Let's get to that, you know that place where we're debt free. I think I'm going to call Webster and ask them to change their definition for yours, I like yours better. Yeah. So uh shall we have a little bit too much like yeah ha ha do you like my definition? It kind of makes it simple for me anyways moving on. So I was thinking about as you read paul about being you know learning the secret of being content in any situation and he had plenty right, he learned what it was to have plenty and to be in want and I was thinking not anywhere in there, did he say one is bad and one is good you know I think what we do is we tend to attack on if I have this car or if I have this size house or if I have this amount of money or if my house looks like this and is designed like this, then then I am successful.

Or if my Children are always matching this one was personal for me, if my kids are always matching no stains on their clothes and we can take the perfect family photo at our house is spotless. Then I've been successful as a mom. Right? Right. And then it becomes about you. Yes. It becomes about me. And it's not a good or bad kind of a thing. It's just What is the motivation? What is the root? The root is because I want approval, right? I want to be looked at as successful and I have it together or you know, but it tends to be what people think and how we want to be perceived. That's something at least for me personal that I could struggle with and especially in the past before I learned all this great stuff. But it's really important to see What are we attaching to these things? Are desires. What meaning are we attaching to it? Is it how we're going to be looked at, how we're going to be perceived? Well, I think you really address the point, Ashley really is about our motives, right? And sometimes we're not even aware of it. Like even for me when my kids were young, I thought, well, when my kids are grown, then I'll have time for me and the truth of it is deep down I wanted and needed time for myself.

But I did not believe 2030 years ago that I had the right to that. I just thought, no, I'm a full time mom. It's all about them. It's all about my husband. And then when they're adults it'll be my turn. And the truth of it is had, I had the tools that you teach your clients and that you so powerfully share about is as a young stay at home mom. If I had carved out time for myself and done some self care, I probably would have been a better, better mom all all the way around. But the motive there was, I needed some me time and I didn't realize that that was possible for me. I had some beliefs that weren't accurate, but I just, I don't know where I got him. But that's what I thought. So that's why I went with. And the other one like you said is just motives do we are we doing things because we, we care about what other people think and really the only person we need to care about who they think is God. And so we talked about this last time on approval. But if God is pleased with what we do, it shouldn't really matter when anyone else thanks. But unfortunately we are social creatures with primitive brains that are wired to belong for social status.

We want that to be safe in our little tribe. So we do care what people think. And so and when you think about it, what do people want most really, really deep down want most. We want connection, love. We want purpose. We want peace. We want happiness, wellness. Those are the things we really do deeply want and we think will come when circumstances change. That's when we think things are going to have it in confidence. I'll even put confidence on that list. That's another one. Especially that's why I'm so adamant about teaching other moms and helping other moms with self care because self care doesn't have to mean you take a half a day away from your family to focus on yourself and that's all you need to do. Right? Some that is something they need and that is good. There are times I literally get kicked out of the house. You need to go away for three hours so you can recharge. Okay, thank you. But it took my husband helping me because I wouldn't do it naturally because I'm caretaker. I need to do, do do and take care of everybody and everything.

So that is helpful. But when we are moms, we tend to think it's motherhood or self care one or the other. So self care is interwoven into our day. It's into our routine, its boundaries. It's saying no, it's maybe saying yes, it's you know, whatever it's helping teach other people how to treat you. It's all these different things, caring for our body, our temple, right carrying and feeding up nourishing things. Um water exercise. Yeah. Hey, I've been exercising, I can go on record, I can be reported the third weekend with my trainer. So thank you. Um, you know, and that's so true. We have to be content with what we have but also desire more like more health and wellness for sure. That's high on the list. And I think about women in my age bracket when we are kids are grown and now we're just left with ourselves. It can be hard to be content until your kids are all married or until they have grandchildren. Then you start looking again. It's like, well all my other friends have lots of grandchildren and I only have two when are the other is going to get married.

So funny. It's like, it's almost looking, it's like keeping up with the joneses. Yes. Like if I had eight grandchildren right now I'd be fulfilled. Obviously, clearly I'm already fulfilled with too. But it's so funny that are different ages. We start, it's different things we look for for that contentment or that fulfillment as the grass is greener. It is, it's always greener. Grass is greener on the other side. So whatever you're focusing on that you lack, then you're going to feel the scarcity right now. I feel like, well I'm missing out on something or and maybe not even know what that is. Maybe you think it's a false sense of, you know, if I had this then I'll feel fulfilled or I'll feel better about myself and it's not, it's not those tangible things, it's not the change of circumstances granted. One also thing I want to point out is sometimes I know for myself and many might feel this way that we expect. We should be happy 100% of the time. And so that's why we tend to fall into this. Well if our circumstances change, then I'll be happy because that's the goal right to be filled with happiness all the time.

But then we don't just accept half about half of life is going to be hard, half of life is going to be great. So we have to take the good with the bad and again goes to our motivation and our mindset, right mindset and motivation are huge to keep in mind uh keep it in mind. Yeah, so true. And I think one of the things you talked about is when we come from scarcity, we can't possibly feel gratitude. So that's one of the key factors to helping us stay content is just making a gratitude list. Get a piece of paper out. We can't say this enough and we just past thanksgiving. So hopefully that was a time of giving thanks and we had our thanksgiving resource, which it's till the end of the year. So if you haven't gotten that, feel free to pop on over to mind over chaos dot com or cloudy and Sweeney dot com and we have a journal prompt for some gratitude. So that's really key to being content. We have to remember what we do have already and there's so, so much.

We have so much so um, and then just having an awareness of our motives. I mean, are they godly motives or are they human? You know the flesh or the spirit? Which one is it? Who are you trying to please the flesh yourself or others or the spirit? And those are the two things that help me stay content and yet still striving and driving for more in a healthy way for the right reasons for the right reasons. Yeah, man sister there, you have it. All right, everyone thank you so much for tuning in with us today. So we hope you really are enjoying this amazing holiday season and that you are filled with gratitude and peace and presence. We wish you the best, have a good week. Thanks Alright everyone. Thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rise up and shine podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode and while you're at it, share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Clotting Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over chaos dot com.

Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember, ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life. Yeah. Yeah. Good.