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Ep. 115 Could I Be Wrong?

by Claudine Sweeney
February 10th 2022
00:23:07
Description

Is it easy for you to admit you might be wrong sometimes? If your answer is yes, I encourage you to reflect again. Most of us do not like to admit it. At first, at least. Being open to the possibil... More

This is episode 115, you could be wrong, you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids, we have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise up and Shine podcast. Welcome back listeners today, we're talking about a topic that is close to my heart. So several weeks ago I shared with Ashley what I thought would be a great topic for a podcast and she poo pooed me, you poo pooed me, You were like, no, no, we just you couldn't see it and then you realized I could be wrong and so you agreed to do it. And actually that is the topic of our podcast and ironically I it's been in my mind more frequently now since we decided to do this topic and now I'm seeing it why it's really important to do it.

I thought, wow this is actually came at a good time and I'm you know, I see what I see the why you see the why now I think it's really powerful. So today's episode is I could be wrong and the power of that thought in our lives and our relationships with ourselves and with others. So I'm glad you realized that you could be wrong well and you think about it and I want to share this with our friends who are listening right now if you really take a second and tell yourself or ask, tell yourself I could be wrong about blank. Maybe even feel it in. Maybe you don't even have to, maybe just say I could be wrong and see how, see how that sits with you for a second because that's what I did when we were talking about this and I was thinking about how I can kind of rationalize this topic. What can I give to this topic? I really have to sit and think about it. But then when I was doing that, it made me feel something like how is this sitting with me? What is coming up for me when I tell myself this? And then a lot of things were popping in my head.

This is actually really good. And a lot of it, I'll just briefly say, but we'll dive into more specifics is our beliefs. So that came up a lot for me well, and I believe the thought I could be wrong is the gateway to humility and openness. Like it takes that thought like I could be wrong about this, whatever it is with a relationship with someone else with our Children with our spouse or even with ourselves because a lot of times we have automatic negative thinking right? And we have these thoughts that just populate our brain, we're not even consciously trying to think them. They just come, I like to call them ants. Automatic negative thinking. And just I didn't invent that I read that somewhere, but I like it. So we're going to keep it and whoever it is. And again, like ants at a picnic, you know, they will create chaos at your picnic. So, yes, or in your pantry, they will create chaos in your brain, in your mind and in your life if you allow automatic negative thoughts. So that's one kind of thought to challenge.

Because, like you said, it's based on beliefs and when we decide that I could be wrong, what we're doing is challenging our beliefs. So, you know, we it challenges our beliefs and our automatic thoughts are rooted in beliefs that we have about ourselves in the world. And a lot of those beliefs were created when we were Children or when, you know, we learn from adults in our lives are caretakers and those, so they're not even believe sometimes that we chose to believe ourselves. They just kind of r and so the idea of I could be wrong allows us to explore those beliefs and challenge them and see if those are beliefs and thoughts we want to keep carrying in our adulthood and see how they're affecting our relationships again with ourselves and with others. And it takes intention. Yes, it's a great opportunity to practice intentional thinking. Yeah, I don't know how many of us have really thought about that, right, intentional thinking. Our thoughts can be intentional. We have that power. I was thinking as you were talking about that about like our belief systems and how they were formed, you know from long, long ago.

And I think one reason that many of us do this right? We have a hard time admitting we might be wrong or even open to that possibility is because of the deeper roots and a lot of things that we believe come from a place of protection, right? Self preservation and fear. It's, you know, for our way of being safe and comfortable and um, you know, taking the easy route on things. So a lot of times it's, you know, our beliefs are rooted in things that go way back, you know, in our past, as you mentioned that are still how we're still functioning today. And like you said, they're automatic. There are default away. But when you stop to question is it serving me in my life? Is it serving me and my relationships and my showing up the way I want to and my feeling the way that I want to And this is a great question to ask, How am I or what am I believing? You know, what am I believing? And a lot of times in our conversations, it could be big, it could be small, but when we have this mindset that, you know why I know I'm right, it causes conflict.

I mean, I know that in my marriage, right? Yeah, Right. And I'm seeing that a lot, even in parenting with our kids because they're older, they're 11 9.5, And their power and their will and their independence is they're trying to exert that. And it's coming out in our relationship to. And so there are times where I've had conversations with my 11 year old daughter um about things and how and that would come up. You know, I'd have to ask myself, could I be wrong here? You know, might I have a different idea. It doesn't mean that what I believe is always true. It's just what I believe based on my own experiences. And so she's going to have brand new experiences, right? And of course, if it's not like a matter of safety or our values or our beliefs, um it's really important to keep that in mind. They do show up everywhere. They really do. You know, you're really right and you're hitting it on the head there with our Children, even myself with adult Children. I still have to ask myself, I could be wrong when they start making decisions or making statements that I disagree with it almost.

It honors the relationship again. It honors the relationship we have with ourselves or with others when we think the thought I could be wrong because it does, it allows humility and vulnerability to enter. And if we really want to have great relationships, we need those qualities in them, we need to be humble, we need to be vulnerable and open. I like the idea of being open. Like I could be wrong allows the possibility for me to think what are some other ways I can look at the situation, What are some other thoughts? I can have this situation? I know whenever I dig my heels in and I'm like, nope, I'm right, I'm right. It only creates conflict. Like you said wright and our marriages for sure. And we always think we're right with our Children, young or old, young or old, it's going to create conflict. And it's funny because we never think that we're thinking wrong thoughts, right? We only think that we think right thoughts, thinks that I'm like, why would I think that if it was wrong? I'm right because it feels so true, right? It feels so it is is our reality that we basically created from our past experiences and we drew conclusions that lead to our beliefs, hence to our daily thinking, that's really what it is.

So let's stop to evaluate that a little bit right. I mean, where is this coming from? It's not like you're always wrong and I'm always right because well, because why I don't know because I am I am right here, right? It kind of goes into the thing that parents would say because I said so right, right? Because I said that my parents, I think I've said that once in my parenting and like it makes I'm not going to say that yes, my own personal preference. And that's good. I think I probably said it a lot, But let's share some practical because I do believe that just even having the thought, I could be wrong, just really can help improve our relationships again with ourselves and with others. I mean, we talked about the automatic negative thinking and we did an episode 13, we talked about automatic negative thinking and Even we and in episode 13 We did an episode on mean girls, the mean girl in our head, you know, that inner critic and we have to challenge those beliefs, even the things we tell ourselves about ourselves, right.

And that was a good episode if you want to hear more about that. But that was a highly highly popular one, I would say, you know, from listeners I've talked with that was that was a very good episode that really helped, you know, bring to light a lot of some of those things we think. And if we think I could be wrong about our thoughts, it allows us the opportunity to look at them to become aware of them and then to challenge them. So let's talk about a few practical. The first one for me is when I have a thought, and even in let's just use an example of my husband and I if we disagree on something and I think, well I could be wrong or I get stuck in my thought actually when I get stuck in my thought, I can ask myself is this true? Is it pure? Is it noble? We talk a lot about that, but choosing thoughts that are true and pure and noble and praiseworthy, right? And a lot of times it really doesn't even matter. So many of the things, you know when what temperature we turn the heat on. I mean there's so many little things what the budget should be.

There's so many little things, right? I mean, I think sometimes arguments are based on little things, sometimes more than the bigger things when they build and build and build and you keep thinking I'm right, I'm right, he's wrong, He's wrong. And then you explode right? Because it was all the little things before you just suffer in silence And a lot of bitterness and resentment neither way is healing or builds strong relationships. So I asked myself, is my thought, is it true? Is it pure? Isn't noble? The thought that I'm digging my heels in and could I say I could be wrong, that's the first practical. So then the next practical is checking your mindset because I have a really good question, if we have a hard time of letting something go if we really like you said, dig your heels in, could that be a fixed mindset that you might have right, right? If we are open to accepting, maybe I'm wrong here. It opens us up, I love that it opens us up to learning and growing and developing and that's a growth mindset.

So when we hold on to that, when we are so adamant I am right, I am right and I need to prove to you that I'm right and I need you to believe it, you know, I need you to believe what I believe. It's having that fixed mindset and that's not going to help us in our life in our relationships. So that's a good reminder. Another practical is to look at the other perspective. This is this is especially true in our relationships like with our husbands, our kids are friends, anybody right? When we look trying to see the other perspective, like if you have the thought I could be wrong, then the other thought is well, they could be right and so really fighting to find is there any truth, any noble cause or thought there on their end, just find some compassion within yourself, why they might believe that they're right. It really does help increase intimacy and closeness in that relationship. When we come from a place of compassion and curiosity instead of you know, rigidity pride. Yes, Yes.

All of that within myself at times we'll all of us, I mean, and that's the truth and that's that's human nature and yeah, I mean when you look at it from a christian perspective, Yeah, I could be wrong is humble. It's the opposite of pride and self righteousness. It's that ability to look within and go, I'm not always right, even though, you know, I usually am that's right, claudine, you are are my fingers crossed. No, you know, gosh, this is this is bringing more thoughts out in my own mind about experiences I've had now. How many people out there have actually said, Well, that's just common sense. Oh my gosh, okay, this is something that I learned as I got older and had more life experience. Common sense is relative, common sense is common to you because of your experiences and your you know what you believe. Um It doesn't mean that it's common sense for everybody. And we all have had different life experiences.

So we have all drawn our own conclusions and beliefs from those experiences. So the fact that we can hold, well, that's common sense to not speed up at the intersection when it turns yellow. Well, yeah, right. But someone else is going to choose otherwise. And what good is it? What good is it to hold that over someone's head? But I also was thinking about, we all have free agency. We all have free will. God gave us that. Who are we to take that away. Yeah. You know, if it's not a crucial um illegal unsafe if it's any of that kind of stuff that's that's a whole separate topic, but what we're talking about are things like a lot of the little things that we hold on to that we feel no, we need to do it this way. We need to do it this way that cause conflict and really isn't worth it. I mean, there's so many times, even in my own marriage, I have to stop and not react, I'd have to pause and really think about, is this worth it?

Is he allowed to think this way? If he wants this done a certain way, he's allowed to want that done a certain way, You know, And I think it's really taught me a lot, especially lately, just as my kids have been getting older because I see more of our own personalities and our Children. And so I'm looking at it outside of my own personal experience in my marriage, but I see it as a third party between my son and daughter, you know, even in their relationship and I have to remind them that they do have their free will, they are going to make their own choices, even if you disagree and you can try and encourage them or give them some input, but ultimately it is their decision on, you know, what they choose to do, even if I could be wrong and you could be wrong. Yeah, you could be wrong. It's so powerful. I mean, really, this thought has been with me for a few a few months now because I just thought it was so powerful. Like if I really I thought that thought I could be wrong, I would change the dynamics of some of my relationships, you know, especially again, listen a little differently.

You do listen differently. It's an openness and humility. We say that over and over, but it really is the last practical that I have is comes from Romans 122 which we share all the time. But be transformed by the renewing of your mind. If you want to transform your relationships and yourself, you have to renew your mind, you have to create and believe new thoughts and this is one of them. This is a gateway again to opening up to a different way of thinking. If you think I could be wrong, then you you're open to changing your mind, right? You're open to transforming your open to renewing your mind to making a new thought. Yeah, so that's the last practice is really renew your mind. Make new thoughts like what would be a healthier thought, what would be a thought that would serve you better in your relationship or and even with yourself to feel better about yourself. Yeah, that's really important. I think when we think of, I could be wrong, we're thinking about our relationships with other people, but really it's also our relationship with ourself. What do I tell myself? I'm lazy or I'm unworthy.

I'm not I'm not a good enough mom. I'm not doing a good job cleaning the house. I'm not, I'm not, I can't, I want automatic negative thoughts. Those ants get in there and ruining the party. The celebration. It directly affects how you feel and then your relationships and I know for myself my pattern is that when I start thinking a lot of those and thoughts think of it like that. When I started thinking a lot of those negative thoughts, then I don't feel great. I feel disempowered. I feel tired. I feel inadequate. And so, but my body is just like checking out. Right, Okay. Yeah. You know what's the point? What's the point of me putting all this extra effort. It doesn't matter anyways. And then I sit there and I withdraw. I'm quiet. I'm not as engaging with my kids or my husband. My husband, you know, will, he's not the best at asking how I'm doing. So you could be wrong.

He could be the very best because you've only been married to one husband. How do you really know? Okay. That's a whole other topic. Moving on. You can edit that out. Mm hmm. So my husband believes maybe she just needs some space. So he will kind of, you know, just give me my space and then to me, I feel like he doesn't care start asking me how I'm doing or if I need help with anything, right? So it totally gets in this cycle and I just don't feel good and I'm not showing up the way I want to, I'm not being present the way that I want to. And it's just a little example of what happens, right? And then that causes the conflict. Well, now I'm reeling and like, why is my husband not caring about how I'm feeling? And I'm building a story in my head that is just totally made up. Nothing is real. But it's causing it's causing me to feel more discouraged, but we do this, we do this with the smallest things. And I'm going to give one more example because I think this is a very common one in marriages, especially when your Children are still living under your roof.

Uh, A lot of times, if not most of the time, mom and dad may have differing views on how to approach parenting situations right with our Children. I mean, even the dinner thing, one of my kids just does not want to eat a lot of the dinners I make, he's more picky and has his preference, which he is allowed to write don't shame him for him having his own opinion and his own taste buds. But the way I wanted to approach it in the beginning versus the way my husband wanted to approach it. It caused some rift only because we felt like we were right and I felt like, well, the way that I think we should do it, I feel like is right, and he thought the same thing, so that can even go into how do we communicate right, which is a whole other topic, but it's important to remember if I am going to approach it or my husband's going to approach it a certain way, it is ok to allow them to do it that way, if it's not so detrimental, right, you know, they're going to have their opposing views and we have to allow it, we can't prove, go over and over and over and try to prove to them why I'm right, right, and that's where the openness is, the open to possibilities.

The curious nous of why they might think that and it's so true that when we choose to think I could be wrong, it will help resolve a lot of conflict, right? Because conflict comes when two people have opposing views and they're each kind of trying to push the other person into believing their view or digging their heels in, but thinking I could be wrong, I could solve a lot of that and it causes a wedge in that relationship and and so what, what I've done, because you can feel so strongly oh my gosh, this is so wrong, this is so wrong that you're doing it wrong um is again being open minded and let it play out, this is something you actually gave me great input on is let let it play out, hey, we can try that way, let's see how it goes. And if it works great, then clearly I was wrong or maybe both of our ways work, but you know, we want to get to the same goal and he is not my enemy. That's right. Let's have that perspective and lets you know, well, great, practical, I love this. I'm so glad that you realized that you could be wrong and that this was a podcast.

I know it's helped me, it's helped me so much in my relationships, even with my own thinking, when I have a negative thought, like, wait, I could be wrong. And then even in my relationship with my husband and my adult Children and my friends, like I could be wrong and it's okay and that's a whole nother issue which we didn't talk about, but that can really attack our self esteem and we're not going to talk about that today, but I could be wrong and it's okay. It doesn't make you less than or inferior or anything. It's just, I could be wrong. Yes, that's a good point to remember. It doesn't mean that you're unworthy or dumb. Exactly, yeah. That's really important to remember. Alright then. Well, before we close out, I know you and I both have a couple openings this week for discovery calls if anybody wants to talk through more about our processes, we have 20 minute calls that you can go onto our website at mind over chaos dot com or Claudine Sweeney dot com and sign up for a free 20 minute call to talk more about this episode or any other issue that you're coming up with.

If we can help. Yeah, absolutely. So please schedule your free 20 minute discovery call with us. That is why we are here because we are here to help you rise up and shine and live your best life now. Right now, you can start right now. Okay, so thank you for tuning in again everybody and we will catch you next week. Alright, everyone. Thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rice. I've been shined podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button. So you never miss an episode. And while you're at it, share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Claudine Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over Chaos dot com. Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life

Ep. 115 Could I Be Wrong?
Ep. 115 Could I Be Wrong?
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