you're listening to the Rise up and Shine podcast with Claudine and Ashley as an empty nester and a mom with young kids. We have both shared very similar and very real struggles from chaos to coaches. We now help other women live an authentic and meaningful life. So tune in weekly for girl talk and tips on how you too can rise up and let your light shine bright. This is the Rise up and Shine podcast. Hello Friends and welcome back here with Ashley and Claudine on another fabulous episode of the Rise Up and Shine podcast. We are so grateful you're joining us again today, I want to start us off with a question for you. I want you to ask yourself what drives my reactions. This is a question that I don't think many of us really stop to think about what drives my reactions. But today on the podcast we really want to focus on the key ingredient that drives our reactions.

All of us, none of us are um you know we all have a hidden belief system and our beliefs are what drive our life. These belief systems are definitely hard to see and be aware of, especially if we're not trying to find out what they are. A lot of us just live life. We just go day by day and not away share of what our true underlying beliefs are because they're unconscious but they definitely influence our behaviors and our thought process without us even realizing it. So our beliefs are so powerful. They cause such an influence on our lives whether we are happy or overwhelmed or disappointed or frustrated or however we tend to run our emotions and our behaviors are dictated by our belief systems. Yeah, absolutely. And today we really want to talk about beliefs on purpose, right? With purpose not just having blind set of beliefs, this definition of beliefs, it's a pattern of thoughts that we think over and over and have accepted as truth, right?

So sometimes our beliefs are so unconscious right there, subconscious. We're not even aware of some of our belief systems, but like you said actually, they actually um influence our lives, our emotions, everything, our actions, our reactions, right? Everything. It comes from our belief system. And if we're not aware of what we really believe deep down, if we just accept these thoughts as truth without exploring, examine them. Um it can really have consequences on our lives. And if we wake up and go, why does the same thing keep happening? Why do I keep whatever abc it's because the beliefs haven't changed, you can change behavior, but if the beliefs haven't changed, you're gonna get the same results. So it's really important to talk about today about having beliefs on purpose, in line with your goals and your dreams and the way you want to live your life. Hey man, I like that you said the way you want to live your life because we do have more power than we're aware of, right? I know when both you and I Claudine have started out just researching and wanting striving to feel better and live happier and feel more fulfilled and really live out the fruits of the spirit.

Because I know for myself it's like, I know they're out there, How do I feel the fruits of the spirit? How do I get there? How do I have this life fulfilled that jesus promised. And it really took a lot of work. But digging deep to figuring out what those beliefs were that were unconscious, but the beauty of it is we can bring it to the conscious level if we do the work and it is doing the work, you know? And again, they do. They drive our choices. They drive our actions are our emotions and ultimately the results that come about in our lives. Yeah. And it's so important to address us and become aware of what we believe, because our brains are wired to find evidence to support our beliefs, which is why it feels true. Yes. Yes. And that's what I was gonna say. Our beliefs might not necessarily be true, but because we believe that our brains are wired to find anything that's in line with our beliefs, and then it's like supporting evidence, right? And then we stack that in our minds, and we're like, C.

C. C. And this is all unconscious, but it's so important because we don't want to keep being stuck or being in a place going in the direction we don't want to go and unless we examine our beliefs, that's what's going to happen. And the other, the other interesting thing too is kids were taught that seeing is believing right? Like I'll believe it when I see it. I mean, I remember saying that when my kids were young, when I was being sassy and they'd say, oh, I'm gonna clean my room, I'm gonna clean my room. I'm like, yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. And that's kind of funny and joke aside. But the truth of it is we're not taught that we will see it when we believe and that's the truth of the matter. We will see things. And that's faith being made site, right? We have to believe first and then we'll see it. I mean, that's what the scriptures teach us. It's faith being made site. But as Children were taught, you believe things when you see it, it's inverse. And it can lead us into a lot of trouble in our life. And when we become aware of what our beliefs are, it has less power over our life.

And that's the beauty is that these beliefs, even though they really do feel true and you might even right now say no, they're true claudia and I have been there, no. Why would I need something that's not true. Exactly. Why would I believe something that's not true? Of course it's true. Exactly. But they can change. So when you think about, what are the things that I tell myself, What are the things that I believe about myself? What are the things that I believe about? Others? My spouse, my Children, my friend, uh, my coworkers, whoever my parents, right? What do I believe? And when we become more aware of that, we ask, are these beliefs serving me? Are they helping me in my life? The minute that we start challenging those beliefs, then real change can happen because again, is it, are they serving me in my life? Is this helping me or am I still feeling stuck? And a big part of it? And now what I love that they're even teaching in schools is practicing a growth mindset.

We in order to change our beliefs that we have that are not serving us or helping us in our life is we need to practice that growth mindset. You know, I mean we all have those beliefs like I'll just share a couple of mine. It's I'm a procrastinator or I'm lazy or I'm not organized or even more extreme. I'm a terrible mom. I don't know what I'm doing, I can't do this. I'm overwhelmed all the things right? But if we challenge, if we just stop and decide, you know what, what if I challenge this thought, what if I challenge this belief? Can it change? Can it change? Can it change how I feel? And the truth is it can, which is what's so beautiful. It can and we can choose different thoughts and we can choose different beliefs. It all starts with first recognizing it, right? And recognizing how they're affecting you in your life. Yeah, absolutely. Uh and you hit it on the head, I mean, and the truth is, if we want to change, if we want a life that's different than what we have now, or just even one part of it, we have to believe something new on purpose, right?

You have to believe something new because the same thinking isn't gonna get us out of the same problem, right? We have to think new thoughts and believe new things. And, you know, you shared some of your own beliefs, one of mine that's come up in this last year and my business is I'm not a good writer, right? Like I had this belief, I'm not a good writer. And now I've been writing every week. My subscribers get a weekly, you know, pretty short, it's called monday minute and should take under a minute to read. And you know, I've gotten comments on them and now people are saying you're a good writer and and I find myself saying, oh, I'm really not, thank you. And so I am working on the new belief. No, I'm a good writer. And even someone today um sent me a text and they're like, I really like your writing. And I found myself saying I caught myself in the first half, I was like why thank you, I really worked on this and then I said, but it stresses me out. So I was like oh my gosh! And it goes back to school right? When I was in school, I excelled in math, especially in math and some parts science english was not my strong suit.

English was difficult for me. I didn't like writing, I just wasn't where I excelled, my brain is more wired. Again, this is a belief to the sciences, to math. That's very logical. Writing is very, it's just kind of subjective and so um I learned that I think in school that I'm not a good writer and so it's so funny that I've had to create new beliefs on purpose. No, I am a good writer and the good thing is I did learn good, you know, function of what a paragraph looks like an introduction. You know, we all learned that introduction, three supporting paragraphs conclusion, right? Did we all not learn that? But anyway, but it was funny today that I caught myself saying, why thank you, I've really worked on this but it stresses me out. I thought, oh my gosh, now I've got to change that thought, no writing doesn't stress me out, I enjoy it and it's peaceful for me. So now that's a new belief I want to work because I do write every week and it's really a lot easier to sit down with pen and paper or computer as it may be thinking believing that I am a good writer and it's not, it's peaceful and I enjoy it very different outcome then.

Like I'm a terrible writer or now I've moved on to, okay, I can write but it's stressful and I'm moving forward in the beliefs, but like I said, even today, I caught myself, I'm like, oh, that's a belief I don't want to believe anymore. I don't want to believe it. So I'm gonna choose to create a new belief on purpose. That's really great. One of mine was a big time in the morning, was very stressful for me, getting the kids to school, making their lunches all that, making sure they had other things and I remember I would just cycle in my mind, we don't have enough time, we're gonna be late, we're gonna be late and I would get so stressful or stressed out and anxious and I remember having to change that belief rather than we're going to be late because I did believe and we weren't always late, but I did believe we're gonna be late again, we're gonna be late again. Um I had to change that to be like, we have plenty of time, we'll get there in time, don't worry about it. And just the calm. I remember feeling in my body, oh I wasn't as jittery, I wasn't as restless, there weren't 100 things going on in my mind, I was able to focus more and so the outcome was that I was focused on what needed to happen.

I wasn't running around you know feeling like I had my head cut off like a chicken and I was able to just get the things we need to do, get the kids out of the house and make it there. It much more peaceful and another beneficial, another benefit from it was that I wasn't snapping at my kids, we were going to school in a good mood. Oh magic. Yeah but it's so true when we change our belief outcomes change right? It's just it blows my mind and as we've been both doing this work for a couple of years now and really doing it ourselves right? Like everything we share, we're doing ourselves and that's why we have the power. Like I've seen my mindset change. There was a point to where I believed I was never capable of making more in a certain amount of money, right? Like I believe I'm good with money at managing money, but that was my husband's job. Like I believe he made the money and my belief was I stay home and manage it. That was kind of my belief system. And so Um after my kids were grown and I was looking at um having a career and going out in the workforce, I thought well you know I'm not capable of making a lot of money, like my friends who chose to stay in the workforce through all those years?

And I was a stay at home mom. And you know, it's just been interesting changing that belief, just the belief starting to believe, you know, I'm just as capable as the woman who's worked the last 30 years and I have the skills that they were just developed. My skill sets were developed being home, right? I mean, I learned how to manage so many things. I think stay at home moms, sometimes they have, you know that and I always say single single moms, I'm always like, let's put a single mom as president, she'll be able to do everything in multitask because she's raising her family and working and all of that. But just changing the belief has changed the results that I'm seeing in my life. So actually, why don't we share some practical with our listeners on how to believe on purpose? Yeah. So number one, just ask yourself for, you can journal, what do I believe now. So this might be hard because it might take a little bit of time just to kind of sit and reflect and think about it. That's what I had to do. I mean, I couldn't even really write it down at first, I had to just think about as I went throughout the day, What do I believe?

What do I believe about myself? What do I believe in this situation? What do I believe about my marriage or how do I feel about other people? What do I believe about other people? So I really had to think about it a lot before writing it down and then just kind of brainstorm right and then put it down on paper and that really helped me just get it out of my head and just look at it objectively. And if you struggle with this as I did, there are three ways that you could actually implement to help you identify what it is that you're believing what your beliefs are right now because again they're unconscious there right there hidden. So you have to kind of dig them out. So one thing is too, and you can again, if you want to journal this down, take notes, this is excellent. First thing start with yourself talk, what do I believe? What do I tell about myself? What, what do I think? Just throughout the day um a lot of it is about ourselves or about the world, how we, you know what we believe about the world.

So, but when we talk to ourselves, it's what's going on in our own head, right? Really paying attention to those thoughts. Um and when we observe our self talk, it helps us identify our story and our belief system. So they tend to start with I am statements, that's a good place to start like I am unorganized, I am an anxious person, I am a procrastinator? Um I am bad with money, I am lazy, you name it? I mean it's it's gonna be whatever keeps popping up in your head, right? So if you really listen to those, I am statements, that's a great place to start because what we're doing is we're identifying with a behavior as it is our identity, right? So that we want to be really careful. And another thing that goes with that also is what its statements, what if I fail? That's a big one because their belief is that well, I'm going to fail or what if I can't figure out technology or I'm kind of switching? I'm using a lot of like an ipad Apple product, right?

I'm a Sampson girl. So I'm like, I have no idea how it is. I don't know, I don't know, I feel so dumb. I feel like I'm learning a new language and I constantly have to ask people to help me with it. But that's like my what if, what if I never figured this out and it's keeping me stuck. It's keeping me from trying to figure out, right? Because I'm just discouraging myself essentially kind of sabotaging my efforts. Um so that's another great place to start. And another question is what are your reactions do you tend to have disproportionate reactions or you can think of it, which is a word, we tend not to like is do I overreact? Sometimes we have someone that tells us you're overreacting and we don't like that. But if we really think about it, am I If my husband didn't help me with the dishes, I totally got upset and shut down. What does that mean? Like was that kind of a disproportionate reaction to something small?

Like the dishes? What what is that telling me? What is that telling me about my story or my belief about how I feel about my husband or myself. So things like that, right? If we make a bigger deal about smaller disappointments, that's a great place to look at because again our beliefs drive our reactions, right? So we really want to be aware of is my reaction reasonable or maybe it was just a little much. Um and the last thing that will really help with identifying is notice your repeating patterns. What roles do you tend to take on in relationships even? Right. I was kind of the rescuer and also at times the victim that tended to be my role that I would play. So some of us tend to be a doormat, some of us tend to be more of the responsible one. Some of us tend to be the helper, right? So there's a lot of varying options here. So if you really just notice, what role do I show up as in my relationships spouse, coworker family, Children, you know that's a huge indicator on what your hidden beliefs are, especially being a recovering codependent person, I realized what my role I felt like I had to fix, I was the fixer, I had to fix everyone's problems and I had to make everyone happy so I could be happy because my belief was I could not be at peace if there is not peace in other people, right?

So that was a big one And that's so powerful because if you were didn't become aware of that belief that you had, you wouldn't have been able to change it, right, and you wouldn't have been able to go pursue different things. You wouldn't have that peace in your life that you have right? With your goal, most of us. Our goal is to have peace in our lives, right? And had you not become aware of that belief, you wouldn't have been able to change it. And just even um just check it for reality. Is this true? Do I really have to fix people to feel peace? And that's that's the point of this episode is really to examine our beliefs and our they actually true because for me, I don't believe that I don't believe I have to fix people. I don't believe other people have to be peaceful so that I could be peaceful, right? I've never had that belief. So it didn't affect me or my life the way that belief affected you in your life. So number two is like explore where this belief comes from and when I say that, I mean sometimes we believe things that maybe a parent or a caregiver or teacher told us like I said about my writing, I think when I was in school I didn't get very good grades.

So that to me told me, you know, that I'm not a good writer and so I just believed it, but that's not the truth and the truth that is since high school, which many decades removed from now, I have become a good writer. So it was time to let go very outdated belief. Another one. It's also important to look at where this, this belief come from because it helps us to examine the accuracy of it. I remember as a young mom, I was told by an older woman at church, I should stay home and raise my Children, right? I really was. I wanted a career at the time that I had two Children and she encouraged me to stay home and raise my Children. So I believed her, right? It was someone I respected and I looked up to her. So my belief became good mom, stay home with their Children. So that insults everything. Right? Then I want to be a good mom. So I better stay home with my Children and raise them now.

Three decades later, I'm looking back, I'm like, that wasn't necessarily true, right? I can examine that belief now and go, I know lots of great moms that work full time outside the home. And I know some stay home moms that aren't great moms. So that wasn't even a true belief, but it sure guided me for a long time, even though there were times I really wanted a career. But I believe that a good moms stays home. So when we start examining where these beliefs come from that it was just one woman's opinion. Now granted it was a woman I respected at the time and I'm not putting a value judgment on whether it was right or wrong. I certainly have no regrets about the choices I've made. But the belief that a good mom stays home, that belief is not truthful, right? And so when we explore where did it come from? Like who told me where did I get it from? And just think nowadays we have social media and music and television is like, is that where we're getting our beliefs from, who made those the truth, right?

The truth. Yeah. Why is that the standard? And so it's just an interesting point to explore where does this belief come from? And do I choose to hold on to it as truth anymore? Yeah. You know, as you were talking, it made me think like consider this, just keep this in mind when you're doing these exercises, when you're trying to be aware of what your beliefs are and where they came from. Just remember this many of your beliefs were created from someone else's opinion, opinion. So the fact that we believe something to be true was based on someone else's opinion, not a truth because really there is only one truth. So it's not factual, so that was really eye opening, you know, especially as I had kids and as they're getting older and entering older elementary school or middle school, I try to encourage them about, you know, being true to who God made them and not always listening to other people's opinions.

And if someone doesn't like your outfit or your hair or you know, well that's okay, that's their opinion, you know, but that it's not true, it's just someone else's opinion. But when you really dig deep and become much more aware of these beliefs, most of them are created from other people's opinions. Someone else might have thought we were lazy, someone else might have thought that their, you know, their opinion is that in order to be a good mom, you should stay home with your chilled or it's other people's opinions like that's just mind boggling, you know, blow my mind. That's just crazy to think about. So that will really help to just be okay. So maybe I don't have to believe this anymore, Maybe I can change it. Maybe I can create new beliefs that are going to help me live the life I want to live and really the life that jesus wants you to. so great point number three, what would my life look like if I didn't believe it, right? What would your life look like if you didn't believe some of these beliefs and that's purple, like even for me had I it's too late now, but had I chosen not to believe that good mom stay home, what would my life have looked like if I believe that good moms also work outside of the home, I potentially could have had a job again, I'm not looking back with regrets, but how would your life change if you didn't hold on so strongly?

Some beliefs that no longer serve you, that's a powerful question to ask yourself, like what would my life look like if I didn't believe this? Like you shared with your story earlier when you stop believing that you know, I forgot what it was, but your mornings then changed, it changed and I know for me, one of the beliefs I had for a long time is I'm not a morning person huge and then I decided one day I did want to be a morning person, I just made that decision and it's so funny because now that I don't have Children at home, I don't set an alarm clock, so I just wake up when I wake up, which is so funny because now I wake up naturally at a time that would have been super convenient when I had to get the kids to school, which I couldn't because I believed I was not a morning person and now I wake up early, no alarm refreshed and ready to go. So my life looked like I'm telling you my mornings are a whole lot better now that I don't believe that I'm not a morning person and that you don't have young Children exhausting, you know?

No, I don't think that's it because I still get exhausted. My I'm telling you, I am busier than I've ever been. I thought when my kids are grown, I was gonna have all this free time and I'd be so rested, I'm busier. Never. There's something about being um when you have small Children in the home, It almost forces you to be home like at 3:00, right dinner. And it was just, it was a forced routine and the kids would go to bed at, you know, 78 and nine as they got older. So it was kind of, that was the time to be home. Now, it's like, I don't have any constraint. So I'm on the go all the time. This is interesting. So yeah, nice try though, actually lots of stimulation. So number four, what could I choose to believe that would better serve me and my goals. We can choose to think differently on purpose, believe on purpose. The whole point of this episode, we can choose differently. Um there's so many, there's so many things that once we are aware of what our beliefs are are hidden beliefs, what, what power they're holding in our lives and our reactions and our choices and what we can do to change it.

And just kind of flip the script a bit right? Just reframe it. Let's change it up a bit and think something a little differently and see what produces from that, what results from that. It's just mind boggling, wow. But it like, it's such a simple concept. It does take a lot of work though and time because we we do have to rewire our brain and we've talked about that many, many times because we're all, we've already conditioned our brains to think a certain way for years and years and years. So in order to change that, we have to have our, our hearts essentially catch up with our mind, right? Our brain, our brain is still gonna wanna go down that default way of thinking, well, if we can change it and we keep practicing it. Practice, practice, practice. It's gonna get easier and easier and easier to just have been actually start thinking the new thought, right? The new belief. So, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the more you'll feel like you actually believe it. So this was a tricky thing, because if in the beginning, you start changing to a new belief.

You're like, you know, I'm gonna stop thinking that I'm a procrastinator, I'm gonna tell myself that sometimes I procrastinate and that's okay. But sometimes I'm on the ball and I got it right. Sometimes I'm ahead of the game. So if I'm just gonna keep rephrasing every time that thought, gosh, I always procrastinate, I can I stop doing that and shaming myself and choose the new belief. Then over time it's gonna re Why are those neural pathways and then our then we're going to believe it. You will not believe it. At first, you will not believe it the 1st 10 times. You may not even believe it the 1st 100 times, but you will eventually believe it. And then you'll start living it and you'll really be seeing the results because of it. It's just it really is a beautiful thing. Yeah, absolutely. And that's where the science of it is so encouraging. But it really goes along with romans 12 2, which we mentioned all the time, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. You're right, It is a pattern. And as we continue to believe this new belief on purpose, we create new neural pathways and then it becomes hard wired in and that becomes our default and I love that.

But first we have to choose what we want to believe, right? If you want to believe, I don't procrastinate. I am a morning person. I, I am a good mom, I am, you know, figure, choose what you want to believe and then consciously repeat this new belief every day. It will get hard wired in there and then it's so fun because one day you wake up and you're like, like me, I was like, oh yeah, I guess I am a good writer, but now it stresses me out, right? So I went from, I'm not a good writer that belief to I believe I am a good writer, but it's stressful for me. So now for me, I'm gonna hardwire in and it's joyful and easy. Right? Eventually that's gonna be my default. I'm gonna be like, I am a writer and it's joyful and easy for me and that's gonna be so fun because then I show up differently, right? When I sit down and work and right? It's like, it's easy and joyful and it affects all the parts of my life when that part's easy. Another one to claudine if I can share how I mentioned earlier is about I believe that I needed to be the fixer, right?

And I was told to that I'm the peacemaker. That's kind of been my role in the family. I'm the peacemaker. So I do also feel like once I was able to start practicing because it is practice changing that thought changing that belief. Not that I'm not a peace maker, but that I don't have, I don't have to be the fixer. I it's not on my shoulders to fix your problems to make you happy. So I could be happy. It's not, you know, I can help you. I can have compassion for you. I can pray for you. I could do things for you to help you, but I don't have to fix you and perhaps your mood or your problems, right? So that took a lot of weight off because God doesn't want us to carry that. That's not our love. You know, we do need to be loving and helpful and serving but we don't have to come and be the rescuer or the fixer. So that was really helpful for me because because when I separated myself and my well being from other people's emotions and I realize I don't need them to be in a good mood for me to be in a good mood, I had to keep saying that to myself.

I do not, it's not my responsibility to fix you and make you feel better. I could love you, I'm here for you but I can have my boundaries and I can keep myself in the, in a good place despite how someone else, you know, might be feeling. So not in a selfish way, right? Obviously, but as a healthy boundary type of way. Yeah. And it's changed the way now you show up in your relationship. Oh yeah. And I show up more genuinely with my whole heart rather than out of obligation. And if someone is moody or not very happy, you know, primarily in my family and my home, then I could still be okay, that's okay. You know, you need to take a break, that's fine. Yeah, you get to be, I'm gonna go chill outside and it's not like, oh my gosh, I this is so uncomfortable and I need to make everybody happy and oh my gosh, it took so much weight off and my well being has just skyrocketed because of it.

Yeah, well, so so good. This was a lot. And we do have this free resource that you can get at Claudine Sweeney dot com. It's a journal page that can help you answer these questions. So you have it for yourself and as life coaches of course Ashley and I are here, this is our work. This is what we help women do. This is what we help moms do we help them create new beliefs? We help them find out maybe their limiting beliefs that are holding them back and help them create new beliefs that they want to believe on purpose so that they can achieve their dreams and goals without any stumbling blocks. So again, you can find us at mind over chaos dot com and Claudine Sweeney dot com until next time. Take care. Alright, everyone, thank you for joining in on our conversation today here on the rise up and shine podcast. If you haven't already, please take a second to hit that subscribe button. So you never miss an episode and while you're at it share this episode with a friend who you know it can bless today if you want to visit us as well on our websites, you can catch Claudine over at Claudine Sweeney dot com and Ashley at mind over chaos dot com.

Our links are in the description. We also have some free resources there for you as well. So remember ladies, no matter what you are facing in life, it is never too late to rise up and shine and live your best life.